New Mom Left Heartbroken After Boyfriend Asks For A Paternity Test, Decides To Leave Him Immediately After The Test Shows He’s The Father
A paternity test is not only a physical examination but also an emotional one. So when Reddit user ImShattered‘s boyfriend asked her to do one for their baby, the woman, as the name of her anonymous account suggests, was heartbroken.
She digested the request for a couple of days but still couldn’t figure out where it came from; the woman has been faithful to her partner throughout their relationship.
What she’s certain of, however, is that she can’t be involved with someone who doesn’t trust her. So she made a post on the subreddit r/TrueOffMyChest to pour out her disappointment, revealing her plans to cut out the man from her life.
This woman was surprised by her boyfriend’s request to paternity-test their child
Image credits: Picsea (not the actual photo)
And figured she can’t be in a relationship with so much doubt
So she decided to end it
Image credits: u/imshattered_
Trust might be the most important piece of a successful relationship. It’s the thing that allows two people to open up to one another and share their most authentic selves without fear of judgment or shame.
While it’s not entirely clear why ImShattered’s boyfriend suddenly got so suspicious, he obviously no longer believes her words or actions.
“Typically, when I talk to people who are experiencing trust issues in their relationship, there is a strong feeling of uneasiness as well as anxiety about their partner,” Liz Higgins, LMFT and founder of Millennial Life Counseling, told Elite Daily.
Even if he hasn’t explicitly noticed her lying or doing things behind his back, it seems that the man just has a feeling that something bad is going on, and it has totally taken over his brain space.
To the man’s credit, he could’ve been sneaky about it and tried to collect samples for the test without his girlfriend knowing but he chose to be upfront about it.
“Open communication will always be a relationship saver,” Higgins noted. “If you can find the bravery to confront your partner about your feelings and experience in the relationship, there is always a chance to save it.”
However, the message he sent was clear: “I don’t trust you.”
Image credits: Ousa Chea (not the actual photo)
Biomedical ethics researchers Heather Draper and Jonathan Ives think that there are few morally acceptable justifications for a man to seek a paternity test.
“We suggest that the meaning of ‘father’ has three components that may be found in the person of one father, or spread amongst different men,” they wrote in Paternity testing: a poor test of fatherhood.
“These are ‘causal father’, ‘material father’ and ‘moral father’. ‘Causal father’ refers to the man responsible for bringing a child into existence, with one such causal route being the provision of sperm in natural reproduction. ‘Material father’ refers to a man who provides materially for a child (in terms of providing physical care, or the means of providing physical care, such as food, shelter, clothing, etc.). On the other hand, a ‘moral father’ refers to a man who forms a loving parental relationship with a child. Moral fatherhood seems to be that which is valued most highly, both philosophically and by … men [themselves].”
Where it is not in the interests of the child for their genetic origins to be established (urgent medical needs might be one such justification), Draper and Ives argue that the decision to perform infidelity testing can be left for the child to make for themselves when they are sufficiently mature.
People had a lot to say about this conflict
She's right. There will never be any trust there again after that; it's over. Sounds awful; talk about falling out of love with someone in a split second. He is a cruel a*****e.
After reading the whole thing, I feel really bad for her. She seems heart broken and defeated. I hope she has someone for emotional support.
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He is getting bad advice or even having bad ideas about her planted by someone in his life who doesn't like her, doesn't trust women or who wants to wreck his relationship for their own reasons. Otherwise he is a cheater and therefore doesn't trust others not to do the same. Or he may never have wanted to be a father, isn't coping and is looking for a way out. So many possibilities, none of them are her problem. I agree with what she is doing, that's not true love talking on his part.
I have seen SO MANY men freak out when women don't like these "loyalty tests". They come out of the woodwork to defend the guys, saying it should be a standard test, etc. Saying that they need to know, as they're going to be paying for a child. But it's just that - a loyalty test. I say she did exactly the right thing, leave his @ss after it's proven he is the father. And ask him to get an STD test - that's about the only cross check we as ladies can do to them.
My bet is life is just getting to real for him. He wants an out, but also doesn't want to be the "bad guy". By accusing her of cheating (and probably hoping she did, even though he likely knows she didn't), he can leave seemingly guilt free. Regardless, she's making the right choice imo.
Maybe he was hoping she'd say no to the test and he could use that against her in some way.
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Your title is wrong. It says “Boyfriend Asks Pregnant Girlfriend For A Paternity Test” but it is clear from the post that the baby boy has been born already. “I'm a new mom to a baby boy who is my pride and joy and though it's been a rollercoaster adjusting to taking care of a baby, the past few months have been great, tiring but great.”
Trust was lost when he felt he had to ask. The relationship was over before he said anything.
That comment about seeing a rise in the last 5 years.... That's all this toxic masculinity BS from moronic YouTubers and influencers. Careful who you let in your head 'cause it might cost you your family
I applaud your decision. So many times I've seen the "you prove I'm wrong about you". And when the proof comes back the " liar" takes him back, "see? I never cheated!" All hugs. I'm the screw you type for doubting me, f off.
Looking at the number of fractured relationships that seem to be the result of everyone doing DNA tests I'm not convinced this is a good idea - you can be a loving, supportive to a child you did not biologically create, and until we started looking we never knew how many perfectly normal and well adjusted people were brought up by people they weren't related to.
(that was supposed to be as a response to the person who said DNA tests should be performed as standard)
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Good on you girl! My husband once made the joke: is it mine? I was so angry: do you realize what you imply with this joke? Indeed that I not only cheated on him while we where getting pregnant, that I also pass off this baby boy as his, while from another? Never made that joke again.
Wonder if someone he knew who didn't like seeing him happy, got in his head and planted doubt? Seems odd to just come out of the blue with such a request.
She can't trust him, The hardest part going forward will be trusting him to parent properly, and never ever being able to trust what he is saying or doing with their son.
Women know that any child born of her womb is hers. It's sad that people criticize men just because he wants to know the same thing about any child born in a relationship. He should have done the test privately, but he has the right to do the test. It's selfish of the woman to leave him over wanting to know he was the biological parent when she knew she was the biological parent for sure herself.
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This is so sad, I myself have to deal with a person like this. Everything was awesome until he started drinking and when he does so he insults me. He said just a week ago that our marriage was c**p. And I should leave. I understand the pain she is going through because I too plan to leave for the sake of my son.
I think this man does not love his son or her and is leaving, but doesn't want to be the bad guy. Either way, I think he's getting what he wants. Now he needs to see if he has to pay for the mess he help create.
Or he's afraid and it's a self fulfilling prophesy. Fear of losing someone makes em leave.
Load More Replies... Does he understand what a paternity test is? There's some really stupid people out there. He may think it's testing something else.
Its so easy to judge people when you only have one side of the story. I usually take these posts with a 'pinch of salt' as more often the not they are either complete BS or very far from the whole story.
Yes! Thank you. Vice had an article on people who make up stories for reddit etc.
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If my partner did that after I carried and gave birth to our child I would do the same. That relationship is over. It's nothing but wanting control and lack of respect. To me it sounds just as bad as seeing her and their child as his property that he needs full control over.
Of all the possible fathers who take a paternity test, about 32% are not the biological father. But remember, this is 1/3 of men who have a reason to take a paternity test - not 1/3 of all men.
I love the people who say that it is perfectly fine for him to basically accuse her of cheating because someone else cheated. You should never stay with someone who doesn't trust you.
Seems like alot more going on here. Personally, I'd get the DNA test, once results come in, I'd set it up like a gender reveal party. Invite the WHOLE family over, have an exit plan. Then after revealing he is the father, say im.sorry you don't trust me enough, and that things what you requested, here's your court date for custody. I've got huge titanium b***s, and would not care at that point. Bye Felicia
That's crazy, but I love it 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 total savage
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No one just asks for a paternity test out of nowhere. I feel someone, likely a parent, placed that seed of doubt and he acted on it. Had he said, “mom is saying things I just want a test to shut her up”, maybe that would be different? On the flip side maybe he’s cheating and this is his was of projecting his guilt. Either way I don’t blame her for ending it and on a positive note it’s when the baby is too young to remember anything so that’ll be an easy transition for him.
The bf could be cheating on her, hence his anxiety of her cheating on him. Imagine a husband demand a paternity test of every child the wife giving birth to.
I've never had or asked for tests for my 3. But everyone, and I mean everyone tried to get me to do it. Unfortunately I later discovered I was with cheaters, but now I don't want to know. They are my children no matter. but that's why I'm single too. That sh** f**ks you up
Guess I’m in the minority. My feelings would be a little hurt but I’d be open to giving him that reassurance.
Depends how he approached it. From what OP said he basically bluntly said "I want a paternity test" which says alot about what he thinks of her. If he approached with a "I have a problem. Some conversations with others has put a stupid doubt in my head that I can't get rid of on my own" If he had approached it as a "me" problem and not a "you need to prove your loyalty" problem, maybe they could have survived this. Gotten counseling, even gotten the test, but worked on the core trust issue rather than putting it on her to prove it.
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Wow both sides are bonkers imho. To ask that but also to get divorced over that and let your child grow up in a split family. Maybe both are sleep deprived because baby?! 🤔 Pfff.
Yeah. If I had a kid I feel like this would be fine. Why does it matter? Everyone is fallible and although I'd be more than a little hurt and would want to talk with them about why they'd think I could have cheated, it wouldn't cause this type of split. That's insane
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NTA & kudos to OP for heeding an ominous warning. BF obviously has no regard for her, let alone trust in her. Chances are he's either been cheating on OP or he's got some epic family/ emotional baggage. OP sounds like a smart cookie.
Luke's repeated ramblings are not the clap back he thinks they are.😂 "But women don't have to take a test when their kid is born to prove they're the mother!" Are you high?
As there were cases of switches in hospitals sometimes a woman would need a test as well so not even this argument of his is valid. I wonder if Luke is OP's ex boyfriend as he spends so much energy on this. The baby looks like his father no need for a test in this case. Someone is manipulating him to think OP is a cheat ( parents or "friends")
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I'd leave first and make him chase me for the paternity test through the courts. I probably would have packed my bags the moment after he said it.
Trust/insecurity is the root cause but from my experience, it never fails that if someone accuses me of something that I never considered, never crossed my mind, never thought of, it's because they're doing it.
Yeah, she maybe clean. Who knows. My first wife was 4 months pregnant when I came back from Vietnam. Asked her if she was f*****g around even before I was sent to ' Nam (training, et al), she did not answer. Ha! What b***h!
Wow. I'm sorry. That was so, so s****y on her part.
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Devil's advocate here.... how many articles do we read about women who did get pregnant from someone else and the "dad" didn't know. I understand she is insulted but the sad reality is that there are a lot of cheaters out there.
And really profound liars. And people who are bad at math. I’m currently pregnant and waiting for my abortion but if I was keeping it, I’d want to give my guy a reassurance that it’s his. We are exclusive sexually but not committed. Fair is fair. It’s easy to lie about who you’ve been with, especially when so much is on the line. That shouldn’t be an option.
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Technically, I would say that it makes sense to have a dna test be a standard - from a medical point of view. Whenever doctors ask me about the medical history in my family, it's important whether or not my parents are in fact my biological parents. If we are working from the wrong assumption about my parents medical history, then that can be highly problematic for me. Morally on the other hand it's not great for relationships. I don't know how I'd have felt if my husband had requested a paternity test for our kids. Probably not great. I guess if it were a routine thing that everyone just automatically does during prenatal care there would not be any implications of infidelity?
If a woman is being sneaky yes you he should ask but she's not he's cheating
I ultimately don’t care why he did it! The impact of it is that he showed a complete lack of trust in his gf and once that’s gone it can’t ever be gotten back. He allowed someone he wasn’t in a relationship with or in love with to fill his head up with bs about his current gf and he wasn’t emotionally strong enough to withstand that, and that too is a red flag because if that happens once someone can do it to him again.
One of the comments said `we can go full reddit on him and say that he might be cheating and is projecting` and that is definitely reddit relationship advice in a nutshell
I can’t imagine leaving my partner if they asked me if I was cheating on them. Why? I don’t exactly know. Maybe because I love them? Or could it be because there are misunderstandings and this is my duty to figure everything together with my partner? Or could it be that I believe that there are ups and downs in the relationship, and also that neither I nor my partner are ideal? Or maybe because I think that loving is forgiving?
Here come the downvotes but I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting a paternity test for piece of mind. He did approach the subject all wrong a calm and level headed conversation should have taken before it went nuclear. As many said women know because they carry the child. This is the age of technology if a man wants to see it on a piece of paper so be it. As long as he is a good parent and takes care of his child I don't see the issue here.
Please don't ban me for saying this but hey what the f**k? He definitely needs to talk to her about his paranoia, but she's overreacting hugely. Who would sacrifice love for some insensitive and s****y comment?
Most people in this comment section are either brain dead chicks, or low testosterone reddit moderators. While I do find the situation saddening for this lady, it seems like all the sheep comments I'm reading are talking about...feelings. Men don't operate on feelings, otherwise we get shamed exactly like everyone is doing here. DNA tests should be mandatory and made standard. Why do I think this well it's easy. The mother is the one giving birth 100% of the time we know it's hers. With studies putting paternity fraud around the 30% area that's scary for any man. FYI that's only out of a smaller portion of one's that test. Imagine the ones that never tell, and the men that never ask. Rates are probably a tad higher. Second reason, if it becomes mandatory and standard two things suddenly start happening. With it being normalized there will be no awkwardness or shame or guilt felt with it being asked because it'll just be completed and processed automatically. It'll remove leeches.
Wow. I technically agree with you but God damn you need to go to therapy
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I’m going against the norm of responses here, but if you watch those court paternity shows you would know that women cheat all the time. We’re assuming that she is telling the truth, but she could be telling the story she wants readers to hear and it’s not the whole truth. I was a child counselor before retirement and I saw too many instances where mom was passing off a baby (or two) onto the guy who could be depended upon for constant support. Another example is when my husband and I saw the baby of one of our children who wanted to marry the mother. I took one look at the baby and advised him to go a DNA test. She finally admitted that it wasn’t his (he was just a paycheck) and she moved out immediately. I’m not saying this is the case but it happens… a lot! If she loves him she should calm his fears about the baby (especially if it’s his first) and take the test. Then they should do some family counseling so they both can understand where this fear is coming from.
Take a look around in the world we live in. People are cheating on each other everywhere. If I was a man I would want a paternity test too. I would find it suspicious if the mother doesn't want to do one. I think a paternity test is a good way moving forward because this is the world we live in. There's no trust anymore.
Same. I'm a gay guy so this would never happen to me, but if I was with a girl, although I probably wouldn't ask, I'd definitely not be opposed to getting one. It's not about trust, it's about absolute certainty. Too many people discover that their kids aren't theirs after decades of marriage and it shatters them forever. I don't want that to be me.
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Not to justify it for him asking, but without context on her side, I'm guessing he's been cheated on before and someone tried to pass off someone else's child for his. He's doesn't talk about it because it's a painful memory. Maybe he has money or his parents do and he needs the test to get his parents to back off. Who knows, but several people commenting have similar questions. Maybe his buddies took him to get his cards read and they said she'll cheat... maybe not this baby but the next, so he asked.
The boyfriend could have done the test privately without telling the girlfriend. I don't blame him for wanting to know for sure whether the child was his. We don't blame women for knowing for sure a baby is hers, so why treat men differently? Paternity tests should automatically be done on all children born. That way men would know for sure that the children were theirs and get the same knowledge that all women get when the child is born. It's sad that people judge men for just wanting the same thing women get automatically.
Going against the crowd and saying this is no big deal. It's just for his peace of mind. I have two kids and my husband knows he can absolutely get a paternity test anytime, with or without my knowledge. I'd rather him feel secure in his paternity than let myself feel THAT offended and self-important.
Yeah. It feels like an overreaction.
Load More Replies... Let me get this straight. She is willing to sentence an innocent baby to a lifetime of fatherless misery all because SHE was so terribly offended ??? Does she hate him MORE than she loves her baby ? When friends enter into a legal agreement, such as renting an apartment, the landlord (and friend) does a credit check. Why ? Is it because he (or she) doesn't TRUST their friend ? NO ! It's just *good business*, that's all. I think she's making a mountain out of a mole hill. Even she said that he "just needs certainty. And to the person who commented that she should make him get an STD test, well ... that's just plain vindictive. Wife needs a reality check and to focus on bringing up THEIR baby as a complete family and end this mentality of throwing out the baby with the bathwater.
Get it straight, then. She wants to co-parent. There is no 'lifetime of fatherless misery'.
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That would be a massive waste of money. The 1/3 rate of negative paternity tests is high because paternity tests are (mostly) only done by people who already suspect they aren't the dad. The vast majority of men do not do paternity tests because there is no reason to.
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???? Lot of assumptions there. I can j think of three guys I know off hand who never once cheated on their partners and would swear up & down their girls would never cheat. And each of them were cajoled into questioning the paternity, usually from horror stories from coworkers and bros. They each also communicated clearly their distrust that comes from asking their loyal monogamous partner if they cheated, by way of asking for a paternity. At this point, I cannot see any amount of therapy repairing trust. Even with full understanding and forgiveness, the fact this man can so easily suspect her of potentially cheating exists. It happened. It therefore can happen again and in myriad ways. Therapy is for relationships that are tenable. This one isn’t.
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She literally said she's never cheated and doesn't understand why he's like this. Maybe he was cheated on by a previous girlfriend. Or even worse, he's cheating and paranoid about her.
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I don’t want to question your reading comprehension skills, but you really can’t abort a new baby boy who is her pride & joy. Lol
Load More Replies... She's right. There will never be any trust there again after that; it's over. Sounds awful; talk about falling out of love with someone in a split second. He is a cruel a*****e.
After reading the whole thing, I feel really bad for her. She seems heart broken and defeated. I hope she has someone for emotional support.
Load More Replies... He is getting bad advice or even having bad ideas about her planted by someone in his life who doesn't like her, doesn't trust women or who wants to wreck his relationship for their own reasons. Otherwise he is a cheater and therefore doesn't trust others not to do the same. Or he may never have wanted to be a father, isn't coping and is looking for a way out. So many possibilities, none of them are her problem. I agree with what she is doing, that's not true love talking on his part.
I have seen SO MANY men freak out when women don't like these "loyalty tests". They come out of the woodwork to defend the guys, saying it should be a standard test, etc. Saying that they need to know, as they're going to be paying for a child. But it's just that - a loyalty test. I say she did exactly the right thing, leave his @ss after it's proven he is the father. And ask him to get an STD test - that's about the only cross check we as ladies can do to them.
My bet is life is just getting to real for him. He wants an out, but also doesn't want to be the "bad guy". By accusing her of cheating (and probably hoping she did, even though he likely knows she didn't), he can leave seemingly guilt free. Regardless, she's making the right choice imo.
Maybe he was hoping she'd say no to the test and he could use that against her in some way.
Load More Replies... Your title is wrong. It says “Boyfriend Asks Pregnant Girlfriend For A Paternity Test” but it is clear from the post that the baby boy has been born already. “I'm a new mom to a baby boy who is my pride and joy and though it's been a rollercoaster adjusting to taking care of a baby, the past few months have been great, tiring but great.”
Trust was lost when he felt he had to ask. The relationship was over before he said anything.
That comment about seeing a rise in the last 5 years.... That's all this toxic masculinity BS from moronic YouTubers and influencers. Careful who you let in your head 'cause it might cost you your family
I applaud your decision. So many times I've seen the "you prove I'm wrong about you". And when the proof comes back the " liar" takes him back, "see? I never cheated!" All hugs. I'm the screw you type for doubting me, f off.
Looking at the number of fractured relationships that seem to be the result of everyone doing DNA tests I'm not convinced this is a good idea - you can be a loving, supportive to a child you did not biologically create, and until we started looking we never knew how many perfectly normal and well adjusted people were brought up by people they weren't related to.
(that was supposed to be as a response to the person who said DNA tests should be performed as standard)
Load More Replies... Good on you girl! My husband once made the joke: is it mine? I was so angry: do you realize what you imply with this joke? Indeed that I not only cheated on him while we where getting pregnant, that I also pass off this baby boy as his, while from another? Never made that joke again.
Wonder if someone he knew who didn't like seeing him happy, got in his head and planted doubt? Seems odd to just come out of the blue with such a request.
She can't trust him, The hardest part going forward will be trusting him to parent properly, and never ever being able to trust what he is saying or doing with their son.
Women know that any child born of her womb is hers. It's sad that people criticize men just because he wants to know the same thing about any child born in a relationship. He should have done the test privately, but he has the right to do the test. It's selfish of the woman to leave him over wanting to know he was the biological parent when she knew she was the biological parent for sure herself.
Load More Replies... This is so sad, I myself have to deal with a person like this. Everything was awesome until he started drinking and when he does so he insults me. He said just a week ago that our marriage was c**p. And I should leave. I understand the pain she is going through because I too plan to leave for the sake of my son.
I think this man does not love his son or her and is leaving, but doesn't want to be the bad guy. Either way, I think he's getting what he wants. Now he needs to see if he has to pay for the mess he help create.
Or he's afraid and it's a self fulfilling prophesy. Fear of losing someone makes em leave.
Load More Replies... Does he understand what a paternity test is? There's some really stupid people out there. He may think it's testing something else.
Its so easy to judge people when you only have one side of the story. I usually take these posts with a 'pinch of salt' as more often the not they are either complete BS or very far from the whole story.
Yes! Thank you. Vice had an article on people who make up stories for reddit etc.
Load More Replies... If my partner did that after I carried and gave birth to our child I would do the same. That relationship is over. It's nothing but wanting control and lack of respect. To me it sounds just as bad as seeing her and their child as his property that he needs full control over.
Of all the possible fathers who take a paternity test, about 32% are not the biological father. But remember, this is 1/3 of men who have a reason to take a paternity test - not 1/3 of all men.
I love the people who say that it is perfectly fine for him to basically accuse her of cheating because someone else cheated. You should never stay with someone who doesn't trust you.
Seems like alot more going on here. Personally, I'd get the DNA test, once results come in, I'd set it up like a gender reveal party. Invite the WHOLE family over, have an exit plan. Then after revealing he is the father, say im.sorry you don't trust me enough, and that things what you requested, here's your court date for custody. I've got huge titanium b***s, and would not care at that point. Bye Felicia
That's crazy, but I love it 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 total savage
Load More Replies... No one just asks for a paternity test out of nowhere. I feel someone, likely a parent, placed that seed of doubt and he acted on it. Had he said, “mom is saying things I just want a test to shut her up”, maybe that would be different? On the flip side maybe he’s cheating and this is his was of projecting his guilt. Either way I don’t blame her for ending it and on a positive note it’s when the baby is too young to remember anything so that’ll be an easy transition for him.
The bf could be cheating on her, hence his anxiety of her cheating on him. Imagine a husband demand a paternity test of every child the wife giving birth to.
I've never had or asked for tests for my 3. But everyone, and I mean everyone tried to get me to do it. Unfortunately I later discovered I was with cheaters, but now I don't want to know. They are my children no matter. but that's why I'm single too. That sh** f**ks you up
Guess I’m in the minority. My feelings would be a little hurt but I’d be open to giving him that reassurance.
Depends how he approached it. From what OP said he basically bluntly said "I want a paternity test" which says alot about what he thinks of her. If he approached with a "I have a problem. Some conversations with others has put a stupid doubt in my head that I can't get rid of on my own" If he had approached it as a "me" problem and not a "you need to prove your loyalty" problem, maybe they could have survived this. Gotten counseling, even gotten the test, but worked on the core trust issue rather than putting it on her to prove it.
Load More Replies... Wow both sides are bonkers imho. To ask that but also to get divorced over that and let your child grow up in a split family. Maybe both are sleep deprived because baby?! 🤔 Pfff.
Yeah. If I had a kid I feel like this would be fine. Why does it matter? Everyone is fallible and although I'd be more than a little hurt and would want to talk with them about why they'd think I could have cheated, it wouldn't cause this type of split. That's insane
Load More Replies... NTA & kudos to OP for heeding an ominous warning. BF obviously has no regard for her, let alone trust in her. Chances are he's either been cheating on OP or he's got some epic family/ emotional baggage. OP sounds like a smart cookie.
Luke's repeated ramblings are not the clap back he thinks they are.😂 "But women don't have to take a test when their kid is born to prove they're the mother!" Are you high?
As there were cases of switches in hospitals sometimes a woman would need a test as well so not even this argument of his is valid. I wonder if Luke is OP's ex boyfriend as he spends so much energy on this. The baby looks like his father no need for a test in this case. Someone is manipulating him to think OP is a cheat ( parents or "friends")
Load More Replies... I'd leave first and make him chase me for the paternity test through the courts. I probably would have packed my bags the moment after he said it.
Trust/insecurity is the root cause but from my experience, it never fails that if someone accuses me of something that I never considered, never crossed my mind, never thought of, it's because they're doing it.
Yeah, she maybe clean. Who knows. My first wife was 4 months pregnant when I came back from Vietnam. Asked her if she was f*****g around even before I was sent to ' Nam (training, et al), she did not answer. Ha! What b***h!
Wow. I'm sorry. That was so, so s****y on her part.
Load More Replies... Devil's advocate here.... how many articles do we read about women who did get pregnant from someone else and the "dad" didn't know. I understand she is insulted but the sad reality is that there are a lot of cheaters out there.
And really profound liars. And people who are bad at math. I’m currently pregnant and waiting for my abortion but if I was keeping it, I’d want to give my guy a reassurance that it’s his. We are exclusive sexually but not committed. Fair is fair. It’s easy to lie about who you’ve been with, especially when so much is on the line. That shouldn’t be an option.
Load More Replies... Technically, I would say that it makes sense to have a dna test be a standard - from a medical point of view. Whenever doctors ask me about the medical history in my family, it's important whether or not my parents are in fact my biological parents. If we are working from the wrong assumption about my parents medical history, then that can be highly problematic for me. Morally on the other hand it's not great for relationships. I don't know how I'd have felt if my husband had requested a paternity test for our kids. Probably not great. I guess if it were a routine thing that everyone just automatically does during prenatal care there would not be any implications of infidelity?
If a woman is being sneaky yes you he should ask but she's not he's cheating
I ultimately don’t care why he did it! The impact of it is that he showed a complete lack of trust in his gf and once that’s gone it can’t ever be gotten back. He allowed someone he wasn’t in a relationship with or in love with to fill his head up with bs about his current gf and he wasn’t emotionally strong enough to withstand that, and that too is a red flag because if that happens once someone can do it to him again.
One of the comments said `we can go full reddit on him and say that he might be cheating and is projecting` and that is definitely reddit relationship advice in a nutshell
I can’t imagine leaving my partner if they asked me if I was cheating on them. Why? I don’t exactly know. Maybe because I love them? Or could it be because there are misunderstandings and this is my duty to figure everything together with my partner? Or could it be that I believe that there are ups and downs in the relationship, and also that neither I nor my partner are ideal? Or maybe because I think that loving is forgiving?
Here come the downvotes but I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting a paternity test for piece of mind. He did approach the subject all wrong a calm and level headed conversation should have taken before it went nuclear. As many said women know because they carry the child. This is the age of technology if a man wants to see it on a piece of paper so be it. As long as he is a good parent and takes care of his child I don't see the issue here.
Please don't ban me for saying this but hey what the f**k? He definitely needs to talk to her about his paranoia, but she's overreacting hugely. Who would sacrifice love for some insensitive and s****y comment?
Most people in this comment section are either brain dead chicks, or low testosterone reddit moderators. While I do find the situation saddening for this lady, it seems like all the sheep comments I'm reading are talking about...feelings. Men don't operate on feelings, otherwise we get shamed exactly like everyone is doing here. DNA tests should be mandatory and made standard. Why do I think this well it's easy. The mother is the one giving birth 100% of the time we know it's hers. With studies putting paternity fraud around the 30% area that's scary for any man. FYI that's only out of a smaller portion of one's that test. Imagine the ones that never tell, and the men that never ask. Rates are probably a tad higher. Second reason, if it becomes mandatory and standard two things suddenly start happening. With it being normalized there will be no awkwardness or shame or guilt felt with it being asked because it'll just be completed and processed automatically. It'll remove leeches.
Wow. I technically agree with you but God damn you need to go to therapy
Load More Replies... I’m going against the norm of responses here, but if you watch those court paternity shows you would know that women cheat all the time. We’re assuming that she is telling the truth, but she could be telling the story she wants readers to hear and it’s not the whole truth. I was a child counselor before retirement and I saw too many instances where mom was passing off a baby (or two) onto the guy who could be depended upon for constant support. Another example is when my husband and I saw the baby of one of our children who wanted to marry the mother. I took one look at the baby and advised him to go a DNA test. She finally admitted that it wasn’t his (he was just a paycheck) and she moved out immediately. I’m not saying this is the case but it happens… a lot! If she loves him she should calm his fears about the baby (especially if it’s his first) and take the test. Then they should do some family counseling so they both can understand where this fear is coming from.
Take a look around in the world we live in. People are cheating on each other everywhere. If I was a man I would want a paternity test too. I would find it suspicious if the mother doesn't want to do one. I think a paternity test is a good way moving forward because this is the world we live in. There's no trust anymore.
Same. I'm a gay guy so this would never happen to me, but if I was with a girl, although I probably wouldn't ask, I'd definitely not be opposed to getting one. It's not about trust, it's about absolute certainty. Too many people discover that their kids aren't theirs after decades of marriage and it shatters them forever. I don't want that to be me.
Load More Replies... Not to justify it for him asking, but without context on her side, I'm guessing he's been cheated on before and someone tried to pass off someone else's child for his. He's doesn't talk about it because it's a painful memory. Maybe he has money or his parents do and he needs the test to get his parents to back off. Who knows, but several people commenting have similar questions. Maybe his buddies took him to get his cards read and they said she'll cheat... maybe not this baby but the next, so he asked.
The boyfriend could have done the test privately without telling the girlfriend. I don't blame him for wanting to know for sure whether the child was his. We don't blame women for knowing for sure a baby is hers, so why treat men differently? Paternity tests should automatically be done on all children born. That way men would know for sure that the children were theirs and get the same knowledge that all women get when the child is born. It's sad that people judge men for just wanting the same thing women get automatically.
Going against the crowd and saying this is no big deal. It's just for his peace of mind. I have two kids and my husband knows he can absolutely get a paternity test anytime, with or without my knowledge. I'd rather him feel secure in his paternity than let myself feel THAT offended and self-important.
Yeah. It feels like an overreaction.
Load More Replies... Let me get this straight. She is willing to sentence an innocent baby to a lifetime of fatherless misery all because SHE was so terribly offended ??? Does she hate him MORE than she loves her baby ? When friends enter into a legal agreement, such as renting an apartment, the landlord (and friend) does a credit check. Why ? Is it because he (or she) doesn't TRUST their friend ? NO ! It's just *good business*, that's all. I think she's making a mountain out of a mole hill. Even she said that he "just needs certainty. And to the person who commented that she should make him get an STD test, well ... that's just plain vindictive. Wife needs a reality check and to focus on bringing up THEIR baby as a complete family and end this mentality of throwing out the baby with the bathwater.
Get it straight, then. She wants to co-parent. There is no 'lifetime of fatherless misery'.
Load More Replies... That would be a massive waste of money. The 1/3 rate of negative paternity tests is high because paternity tests are (mostly) only done by people who already suspect they aren't the dad. The vast majority of men do not do paternity tests because there is no reason to.
Load More Replies... ???? Lot of assumptions there. I can j think of three guys I know off hand who never once cheated on their partners and would swear up & down their girls would never cheat. And each of them were cajoled into questioning the paternity, usually from horror stories from coworkers and bros. They each also communicated clearly their distrust that comes from asking their loyal monogamous partner if they cheated, by way of asking for a paternity. At this point, I cannot see any amount of therapy repairing trust. Even with full understanding and forgiveness, the fact this man can so easily suspect her of potentially cheating exists. It happened. It therefore can happen again and in myriad ways. Therapy is for relationships that are tenable. This one isn’t.
Load More Replies... She literally said she's never cheated and doesn't understand why he's like this. Maybe he was cheated on by a previous girlfriend. Or even worse, he's cheating and paranoid about her.
Load More Replies... I don’t want to question your reading comprehension skills, but you really can’t abort a new baby boy who is her pride & joy. Lol
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