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Guy Refuses To Accept Break-Up With GF After Going On A Romantic Trip With A Female Friend
Young woman in a white shirt looking thoughtful and upset, reflecting on a romantic trip and relationship breakup.

Guy Refuses To Accept Break-Up With GF After Going On A Romantic Trip With A Female Friend

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It’s common for men and women to have platonic friendships. Even when you’re a man in a committed romantic relationship, you might have a female best friend. In fact, according to the May 2021 American Perspectives Survey, 54% of married men say they have a close friend who is a woman.

However, for this couple, the boyfriend’s female best friend was the catalyst for their breakup. After the woman was uninvited from a week-long vacation so that her boyfriend could go on holiday with his female bestie, she had had enough. “I am not happy in this, and I do not want to feel these feelings any longer,” she wrote in a revealing email she sent to her BF.

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    A couple was supposed to go on a trip with the BF’s two friends

    Image credits: Blue Bird / Pexels (not the actual photo)

    But when one friend backed out, the BF disinvited his own GF so he could go on vacation with his female best friend

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    Image credits: Antoni Shkraba Studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: Polina Tankilevitch / Pexels (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: August de Richelieu / Pexels (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: jesustunafish

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    Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk / Pexels (not the actual photo)

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    People believe in platonic friendship between men and women, but research shows that attraction still creates tension

    Some people are skeptical of platonic relationships. When your partner has a friend of the opposite gender, feelings of jealousy can quickly start creeping in. And it’s understandable: if there are no clear boundaries about what’s acceptable for the partner and what’s not, a relationship can end like the one in this story did.

    Generally, the majority of adults think that men and women can be platonic friends. According to a 2021 YouGov survey, 84% of Britons believe in platonic relationships between people of the opposite gender. Generally, men tend to have a bigger portion (36%) of male and female friends. Women, on the other hand, are less likely (27%) to have an equal number of men and women as friends.

    One of the most common worries for people like the woman in this story is that platonic friendships evolve over time and romantic feelings can develop. After all, research shows that many romantic relationships start off as friendships. In fact, two-thirds of couples start out as friends, according to research.

    But can a friendship between a man and a woman remain platonic? And can they go on vacations together, leaving their significant others at home, especially when the vacation is to a honeymoon destination like Costa Rica?

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    Some research suggests that they cannot. Despite drawing the line at platonic friendship, sometimes men and women can’t help feeling attraction. In a 2000 study at Pennsylvania State University, researchers found that half of the 315 surveyed students had engaged in physical intimacy with their platonic friends. However, in another 2003 study, only 14% of the respondents admitted to feeling romantic attraction to their platonic friends.

    Image credits: Bethany Ferr / Pexels (not the actual photo)

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    Friendships with the opposite gender are useful for both men and women

    Having a lifelong friend who is of the opposite gender can teach a person a lot about life. Certified intimacy therapist Heather Shannon, LCPC, CST, explains that such friendships offer us different viewpoints.

    “They can get dating advice, help with family members who are driving them nuts, or just reminders of things they’re not considering when it comes to other genders,” Shannon says. “Having a sounding board who may know more than you about a man’s or woman’s perspective, can be a lifesaver.”

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    Platonic friendships with the other gender also help us to be less sexist. Research by Oxford University’s David Kretschmer looked at how socializing with girls affected German teens from largely immigrant backgrounds. After a year of socializing, the boys became more egalitarian, learning to respect the girls’ demands for equality. However, Kretschmer theorizes that the boys changed their opinions because it would earn them the possibility of being in a romantic relationship with the girls.

    Some experts even go as far as to advocate against separating children for playtime in preschool according to gendered activities. They claim that this forces boys and girls to socialize with the kids of their gender mostly, planting the seed of the idea that girls can only be best friends with girls and boys can only be best friends with boys.

    “What kind of boyfriend disinvites his girlfriend from a trip?” people wondered in the comments

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    Sadly, some commenters have had similar experiences with their significant others

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    After the boyfriend left for his flight, the woman wrote him a lengthy breakup email

    Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: Ron Lach / Pexels (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: jesustunafish

    Commenters congratulated her for standing up for herself: “Super proud of you”

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    Kornelija Viečaitė

    Kornelija Viečaitė

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

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    Hi there, fellow pandas! As a person (over)educated both in social sciences and literature, I'm most interested in how we connect and behave online (and sometimes in real life too.) The human experience is weird, so I try my best to put its peculiarities in writing. As a person who grew up chronically online, I now try to marry two sides of myself: the one who knows too much about MySpace, and the one who can't settle and needs to see every corner of the world.

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    Kornelija Viečaitė

    Kornelija Viečaitė

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Hi there, fellow pandas! As a person (over)educated both in social sciences and literature, I'm most interested in how we connect and behave online (and sometimes in real life too.) The human experience is weird, so I try my best to put its peculiarities in writing. As a person who grew up chronically online, I now try to marry two sides of myself: the one who knows too much about MySpace, and the one who can't settle and needs to see every corner of the world.

    Indrė Lukošiūtė

    Indrė Lukošiūtė

    Author, BoredPanda staff

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    I am a Visual editor at Bored Panda, I'm determined to find the most interesting and the best quality images for each post that I do. On my free time I like to unwind by doing some yoga, watching all kinds of movies/tv shows, playing video and board games or just simply hanging out with my cat

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    Indrė Lukošiūtė

    Indrė Lukošiūtė

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    I am a Visual editor at Bored Panda, I'm determined to find the most interesting and the best quality images for each post that I do. On my free time I like to unwind by doing some yoga, watching all kinds of movies/tv shows, playing video and board games or just simply hanging out with my cat

    Shelly Fourer

    Shelly Fourer

    Author, Community member

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    Hey there! I'm Shelly, a Visual Editor at Bored Panda

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    Shelly Fourer

    Shelly Fourer

    Author, Community member

    Hey there! I'm Shelly, a Visual Editor at Bored Panda

    What do you think ?
    Desanera Starling
    Community Member
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I know a lot of people are seeing this from the lens of gender but in my opinion it's not about that. If you take that factor or of it you are still left with the fact that OPs partner has been disrespectful and inconsiderate and OPs best friend has been unwelcoming and hostile. And the argument that he didn't agree to the breakup is absurd.

    Binky Melnik
    Community Member
    3 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That was making me have to read this with my hand over my mouth to muffle my screams! Him: “How can I make you more comfortable with this?” Her: “I have no idea.” WTAF is WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?! The way to fix it would be to TAKE HIS GF and leave the “BFF” to HER BF!!! Why couldn’t these two mentally-challenged people arrive at the solution even if just by accident?! It’s sooo OBVIOUS and yet they’re OBLIVIOUS! I vote that they need to marry to save two other innocent people from dating them and going through all this NONSENSE!

    Load More Replies...
    Janelle Collard
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There's always that *one* "pick me" girl that has to be the female BFF to another woman's actual boyfriend. 🙄

    V
    Community Member
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My BFF is a guy, but we have always been respectful of our own, and our friends partners. We are both married with children now and luckily we get along with each other's husband/wife, and they also get along. It can be done in a healthy, respectful way, but it requires all parties involved to just not be a d!ck.

    Load More Replies...
    Emilu
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Good on OP. It sounds like she didn't take the nuclear route; rather she tried to discuss it with the ex and the outcome wasn't to her satisfaction. As so many other posters on here have said (though I still think it needs emphasising) you do *not* need a reason to break up. I mean, doing so without verbalising any reason whatsoever is (IMO) a jerk move, but you are not beholden to anyone, or to uphold XYZ standards just because you accepted you wanted to date. Quite frankly, if anyone makes OP feel like this, I would argue that they are TA. OP did nothing wrong.

    Sue User
    Community Member
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Him saying he didnt accept the breakup says it all.

    Load More Replies...
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    Desanera Starling
    Community Member
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I know a lot of people are seeing this from the lens of gender but in my opinion it's not about that. If you take that factor or of it you are still left with the fact that OPs partner has been disrespectful and inconsiderate and OPs best friend has been unwelcoming and hostile. And the argument that he didn't agree to the breakup is absurd.

    Binky Melnik
    Community Member
    3 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That was making me have to read this with my hand over my mouth to muffle my screams! Him: “How can I make you more comfortable with this?” Her: “I have no idea.” WTAF is WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?! The way to fix it would be to TAKE HIS GF and leave the “BFF” to HER BF!!! Why couldn’t these two mentally-challenged people arrive at the solution even if just by accident?! It’s sooo OBVIOUS and yet they’re OBLIVIOUS! I vote that they need to marry to save two other innocent people from dating them and going through all this NONSENSE!

    Load More Replies...
    Janelle Collard
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There's always that *one* "pick me" girl that has to be the female BFF to another woman's actual boyfriend. 🙄

    V
    Community Member
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My BFF is a guy, but we have always been respectful of our own, and our friends partners. We are both married with children now and luckily we get along with each other's husband/wife, and they also get along. It can be done in a healthy, respectful way, but it requires all parties involved to just not be a d!ck.

    Load More Replies...
    Emilu
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Good on OP. It sounds like she didn't take the nuclear route; rather she tried to discuss it with the ex and the outcome wasn't to her satisfaction. As so many other posters on here have said (though I still think it needs emphasising) you do *not* need a reason to break up. I mean, doing so without verbalising any reason whatsoever is (IMO) a jerk move, but you are not beholden to anyone, or to uphold XYZ standards just because you accepted you wanted to date. Quite frankly, if anyone makes OP feel like this, I would argue that they are TA. OP did nothing wrong.

    Sue User
    Community Member
    3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Him saying he didnt accept the breakup says it all.

    Load More Replies...
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