Kid Curses Out Mom’s Boyfriend As He Ruined Their Day Out, Woman Backs Him And Sparks A Conflict
Everyone knows that relationships are challenging – however, they tend to take significantly more effort when children are involved.
This Redditor has a 12-year-old son and a boyfriend with whom she’s been together for four years. The mom and kid have a little tradition they’ve been practicing for nearly a decade. The two spend a specifically scheduled day together every month but, for whatever odd reason, recently found themselves interrupted by the boyfriend’s antics.
More info: Reddit | Ashley Parker’s Website | Sarah Lee’s Website
Man sabotages girlfriend’s tradition of having a day out with her 12-year-old son
Image credits: Alper Çuğun (not the actual photo)
Woman snaps at him and tells him that he’s not as “important”
Image credits: Erik Mclean (not the actual photo)
Image credits: throwawyay134
“AITA for being a [jerk] towards my bf after he ruined my day?” – this web user took to one of Reddit’s most judgmental communities, asking its members whether she was wrong to lash out at her boyfriend for spoiling her and her 12-year-old son’s tradition of spending a day out together. The post managed to garner nearly 14K upvotes as well as 2.8K comments discussing the situation.
Relationships are rocky, and although it may sound cliché, communication is the go-to solution to any issue. The couple in today’s story has been a thing for 4 years. The woman has a 12-year-old son from a previous relationship, and the two have created their own tradition that they’ve been practicing since the little one was 5. Each month, the mom and her offspring go out on a specifically scheduled “date,” and it has never been a problem for her boyfriend until recently, when the man, what seems like deliberately, decided to continuously interfere with their plans. Naturally, the youngster wasn’t pumped about the guy’s antics, so upon arriving home he cussed him out and headed straight to his room. The woman backed her son, which eventually led to this whole “I’m important too” conversation that provoked the man to storm out.
To get a more in-depth view of the situation, Bored Panda decided to reach out to a few professionals. Our first expert is Ashley Parker, a relationship therapist based in the beautiful city of York, UK. We briefed Ashley on the situation and invited her to offer some commentary: “I think the difficulty is that jealousy is an uncomfortable feeling, but very normal, and actually being open about those feelings will undoubtedly lessen the sting, but as it perhaps does seem like an abnormal response, the way that his girlfriend responds to this will influence being able to have an open, curious conversation. If she’s accusatory, he will be defensive and vice versa.”
“He may be having a response to this that’s attached to another experience of being excluded in childhood or another relationship. It’s complex, but having a conversation where each person uses ‘I’ statements is important. For example: I am wondering if you’re feeling jealous that I’m going out with my son without you? Do you feel able to share with me how you’re feeling? I wonder what you’re making this mean about you? And about our relationship. It’s important for me to be able to spend time with my son alone so that I can give him my full attention. It’s also important to me that we have that kind of quality time too.”
Lastly, Ashley Parker added: “Having read the post, it would seem that her interpretation is that he intentionally ruined or tried to interrupt the day, and it sounds like her son felt that too. ‘I’m important too’ says to me that he’s vying for her attention/position. If his intention was to disrupt their day, that is intentional; but he may well have done it very unconsciously because of his underlying feelings of exclusion. If his daughter is 20, I would imagine there is less likelihood that he has these kinds of set-out days with her and he could be envying this.”
It leads to a fight, provoking the man to rush out and give the author a dose of the silent treatment
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Our second expert is Sarah Lee, a UK-based psychotherapist who works with adult survivors of childhood trauma and people from dysfunctional and chaotic family backgrounds, to whom we posed similar questions. “It is normal to feel jealous, although we are often told growing up that jealousy is a ‘bad emotion’ or that we shouldn’t feel it. So it’s normal to feel jealous, but it’s not ok to sabotage someone’s day out, call them a b*tch or ignore them.”
“Growing up, we need to learn how to identify our feelings, tolerate them, let them out and communicate them to others. If the boyfriend had better emotional skills, this would look something like: ‘I notice I’m feeling really agitated about your day out with your son. I feel like you drop everything to be with him and I’m not as important. I never felt important growing up as my parents didn’t have time for me so I know it’s a sore spot for me when it happens again.’”
“Notice how in the example above, the boyfriend takes responsibility for his feelings, communicates them in a calm way and uses lots of statements that begin with ‘I’. He also correctly identifies that his response is only partly about now, and that a lot of the emotional pain actually comes from the past. It can be tempting to say things like ‘It’s not my fault I’m cross, you left me out so what do you expect?’ But this escalates the situation, and is likely to result in retaliation and a fight.”
“The problem is that these emotional skills are pretty advanced and anyone who grew up in a family without emotional skills is not going to learn these by themselves. In fact, we often learn unhealthy ways of communicating, like being passive-aggressive, name calling and using the silent treatment as punishment, which is what happened in the original example.”
BP then asked Sarah Lee what one should do if they find themselves in a similar position: “If there is a pattern of sabotage, passive aggressiveness, name calling or silent treatment, then this is abusive and the child and partner should be protected from this. Nobody should have to walk on eggshells around a partner or step-parent, and abuse is often far more subtle than the more easily recognised physical abuse.”
The woman then went online to get some neutral feedback since she thought she might have overreacted
Image credits: JuliaC2006 (not the actual photo)
“The original example is problematic because the boyfriend does a number of things and not just one. He repeatedly tries to manage his own feelings by making other people feel bad and doesn’t want to stop doing this (throwing out the pancake mix, calling twenty times, saying he’d hurt his ankle, not letting them watch the game, calling her a b*tch, ignoring her calls).
“I would be very surprised if this came from nowhere since there are so many examples of problematic behaviour in the example given. It may be that the partner has always been jealous of the mother-son day and tried to ignore his feeling about this (because he didn’t know what to do with them, and feelings were ignored in his family growing up) and he reached a ‘tipping point’ where he now feels entitled to let them all out. This is not an excuse for his bad behaviour, but it can sometimes be helpful for others involved to understand what happened and stop blaming themselves for ‘causing the outburst.’
“If the boyfriend is willing to take responsibility and accept that his behaviour is a problem, then he could learn the emotional skills that he is missing with a therapist. He may not be willing to do this or may prefer to place all the blame on the girlfriend and her son, and when people refuse to acknowledge their part, there is no chance of creating a healthy relationship.
“I would add that in a healthy relationship where everyone takes responsibility for their part in the argument, the son could say ‘I’m sorry I called you a d*ck, I was upset’ or the girlfriend could say ‘I’m sorry I called you a child, that didn’t help’. There’s not much point in doing this in a toxic relationship, however, because in these circumstances one person is normally refusing to take responsibility or change their behaviour, and the other people apologising just reinforces the idea that it’s all someone else’s fault.”
What do you think about this? Would you have done things differently?
Fellow community members shared their thoughts and opinions on the matter
230Kviews
Share on Facebook
I am positive this will escalate to him harassing OP’s son, if it hasn’t already. This definitely sounds like something she has to put her foot down on, set him straight or dump him. And make sure that her son knows to come to her if BF does ANYTHING.
On first though I had the same reaction. But they have been together for 4 years. I think the bf has something on his mind, she needs to sit him down and talk to him to understand what is wrong. It is does seem like jealousy, but it's not like the 1st time he is experiencing this day, there is some other problem here
Load More Replies...
Jeez, I don't think this woman was AH enough! She should dump that guy, and if she owns the house, kick him out! Wow...
There's no room to argue. He planned every step then tries to paint her as bad. She's the AH if she stays in touch with him tho.
Load More Replies...
Wait. BF is in his 30s and this is how he behaves. Sounds like her son is more mature than the BF. If he can't respect his GF's relationship with her son and that she spends ONE day a month with him, then I'd tell him to pack his things and GTFO. Some red-flags are big, and some are small, but all are equally important.
He must be late 30s with a 20 year old daughter and op sounds like she is in her early 30s. Not a big difference in age but it's pretty obvious that he is much younger in maturity because he is acting worse than the 12 year old.
Load More Replies...
Ditch that dude. Acting like a baby knowing it was ur one day u hang with your kid. What a brat. Yeah son don't need to say sorry for something you prob said yourself. Kick him out of your life. You don't need to raise another kid.
IMO the boyfriend was testing the waters for trying to break up this tradition. One of those things could be a mistake. But doing it that scale was sabotage. He knew what he was doing. His reaction was an attempt to get her to break the tradition. I think she needs to draw a line with him and flat out tell him that short of an emergency, any further attempts to get between her and her son will result in him getting kicked to the curb. Nobody should come between a parent and child. Were that a single me, and my girlfriend tried to come between me and my daughter, she would be out. Doesn't matter what she is or has, I can always get another girlfriend. But I will only ever have my daughter.
Yes. He is manipulative and a liar. Even if this weren't about him trying to affect her relationship with her son, those are massive red flags. I'd dump him just for that. I couldn't respect someone who behaved that way.
Load More Replies...
OP is not the AH. But the boyfriend is. Apparently, he's become jealous of the 1 day a month she chooses to do something special with her son. Beware. It was all deliberate and very obvious. I would definitely sh*tcan the boyfriend. Pack his c**p, throw him out. He's just given OP a good insight into his true feelings and intellect. Make it up to the son next month.
O, if you have anything jointly owned see an attorney right away. Quickly close out your part of any joint $$$ accounts. Please protect your self and your son. If you have a Will, change it to protect your son. If it's your house kick him out and change the locks. Only let him into get his things with a law enforcement officer present. Film everything now, make a list of your belongings, and film everything during the removal of his belongings.
Holy moly roly poly. I know it seems like a leap but the easy money says he is cheating. Or having an emotional affair he wants to turn physical. There's at least 5 red flags there. I said what I said.
I’m not sure why cheating would mean sabotaging the day with her son. I don’t get his those two things link together. Surely he’d offer to ‘have the day to himself’ out of the house if that was the case.
Load More Replies...
I would dump that man so fast, haha. Anyone who is going to get jealous of my CHILD is outta there.
Yes. Hello. All adults in relationships with children need to realize that the children are more important.
...makes me wonder if he's an only child or the baby of his family. Mind you, not everyone in that age bracket acts that way - but I've seen my share of childish, impudent, bratty attitudes from said age groups. Whatever the case, he's in his 30s,. He shouldn't be acting like a 6 year old.
They've been dating for four years & she has a special day, once a month, w/ her son? And the boyfriend some how is acting like he doesn't know??? Even though OP tells her boyfriend a couple days in advanced?? Boyfriend sounds completely selfish, self absorbed & like a total a*****e. There is no way he didn't sabotage every moment of their day. It's a problem because the boyfriend has already created, felt & displayed his hostility towards the son. That will not just go away. And the boyfriend is already harassing the son. She needs to leave that guy yesterday. No if ands or buts
NTA! So he's upset over this ONE DAY?? And with YOUR SON, no less?? And HE'S expecting the boy to apologize to HIM (granted, the kid should not have called him names, but that's it)?? I promise you, from tossing out the pancake batter to calling OP every several minutes to find something or when he got hurt (there's a thing called an "urgent care center" which treats sore ankles; he should have called a neighbor to take him there); sounds like dude was trying to ruin things with your son! He wants to do the "silent treatment"? Do him one better!! DON'T wake him up for work, fix him breakfast or dinner, take care of his clothes, etc! He'll get the message!
Sounds like he is jealous of her relationship with his son. He is obviously very immature for a supposed adult, maybe because he fathered a daughter as a teenager. She needs to put her life with her son first and dump his sorry a*s, because that’s what he is, and his behavior won’t get better, only worse.
Ok. Run away while you can. Now that he has sabotaged the day once he will do it more frequently in the future. He knew what he was doing and enjoyed it. Take your son away from this shallow, jealous, toxic, spoiled, and ill tempered individual. Walk away and don't look back. I think if you will reflect back you'll see a subtle pattern you didn't realize was happening. Your son is more important, he is in his developing years. When you leave reassure your son that it took time but you realize now that the relationship would not have lasted, it's not his fault.
The boyfriend should, definitely, apologize to the son, specifically, and for his actions. However, I feel OP should have an open conversation with the boyfriend. It's possible he just wants to be included. His daughter is older and his relationship has changed with her. It's possible, he wants a deeper/more hands on connection with OP and OP's son. It's just odd that after 4 years of respecting that day, that he would do a 180°. In my opinion, express how his actions made you feel, but also, ask how he's feeling, and what might have triggered it. In my experience, people don't always understand their own emotions or why they do what they do. Often they don't have bad intentions, just unmet needs.
Call me a b***h, it's the LAST time you'll see me. Act like an a*s to my kid, I'll climb inside you with stilettos on and tap dance on your kidneys.
I dislike that most people's reactions are she should dump him this is clear get out now case. When it reads as a you need to have a talk with him and a think about whether you want to be in this relationship. I can see her boyfriend being a bit oblivious, but also wanting attention and being lonely. So it drove him to call alot and kinda ruin the day. I dont really see what others are saying it seems like they are escalating it. Also, I could understand him being 'jealous/wounded by being told her son means more. It hurts if people say they care/love someone more, even if you intellectually get it, it still stings. It seems people have pathologised him by making him into this nut, who thinks his gf should only care for him. I'm not saying he wasn't an a*****e, but I dont think this is break up now situation.
He ABSOLUTELY did that on purpose. Son DOES NOT need to apologize. Run. Run far away. Or change the locks. NTA times infinity.
This is a "dump him" level offence. Being jealous of you spending a day with your kid is a red flag, especially him not being able to deal with his emotions in a positive adult way, ie by saying "I'm feeling a little left out. I know how important these mother-son days are to you, can we also do a 'family day' with the three of us/do a 'couple day' together." He didn't just act like a jealous child with pouting and silent treatment, he deliberately, repeatedly, sabotaged a tradition that is important to you and to your son. If he's been living with you, you need to kick him out, if he has been sleeping over, take back the keys. Putting your son first means not exposing him to this jealous, toxic, a*****e. Your son should be able to feel safe at home, not have someone coming in and trying to sabotage his relationship with you.
Boyfriend only night. Ha ha ha ha. What I am about to say might blow some people's minds. Now that her son is pre-teen might the boyfriend now see him as a threat and is making a childish p**s poor attempt at securing his position as alpha male? Either way what he did is malicious incompetence and if he keeps this up he needs to be kicked to the curb. Nta
NTA, your son is right, your bf is a d**k. Throw the whole man away.
No grown @$$ man in a relationship for 4 years should be jealous of a 12 year old spending one day out of many with his mother. There are celebrities with several kids that take each one out for a special day. The child needs to feel and be special that day. The mother gets to have a one on one. Those one events are quality times. He will grow up with find memories and raise his offspring with one on one days. The boyfriend is just a child. She doesnt need 2 children. Date nights are just the 2 of them and i assume that the child doesnt sabotage their date night. Maybe he got jealous because she appeared to look overly happy in preparing for their day. He probably justified his actions on her happiness. He is a child at 30 plus. Why is women always have treat men a certsin way all because their little feelings get hurt? So like another commenter wrote she needs to sit him down and discuss the situation. He has been around for 4 years and life was smooth until his antics.
This is a one time offence in a four year relationship, hardly a "dump his a*s" scenario, they need to have a heart to heart, and try to resolve this as a couple. It definately could be resolved with discussion and setting boundaries.
More info: I had to cut some stuff out because of the word count. The gas issue I’ll accept was my fault, the pancake mix was perfectly fine but he said it wasn’t and that I was wrong. I decided to let it go and just made something else. And we talk a regular amount, not this much though. I told him to only call if there was an emergency after the third call but he kept calling regardless insisting that being unable to find his hat was an emergency etc. I suppose I should’ve stopped answering but I was scared that the one call I ignored was going to be the emergency one. And I mean he called saying “babe I’m hurt, I can’t walk, something’s wrong it hurts so f*****g much” and then he hung up and didn’t answer my calls so I got scared.
I had a boyfriend like this and asked me to choose between him and my son. Obviously I chose my son! The last I heard he was living in his car and honestly? That's better than he deserves.
Ha ha ha boyfriend only days. Haaaaa hooo ha ha ha. That guy needs a head check. What I am about to say might blow a few minds, but might his problem be that as the son is pre-teen he is feeling threatened and feels competitive now? Wants to secure his place as alpha male etc. Nah nta he keeps that up kick him to the curb. That is some childish and unnecessary behavior also known as malicious incompetence.
They've been dating four years. This happened ONCE. Several of the things could be just a day going badly, like getting gas and there being traffic. Did the boyfriend plan the traffic? Since there has been a solid four YEARS of him being perfectly fine with these days out, the benefit of a doubt is warranted and she should try to figure out if this really was just a bunch of c**p going wrong all at once, or if something was up with the boyfriend. And yes, she should have her kid apologize or else BF won't apologize back.
If your 12 yr old sees that he is a dique, he is. And this isn’t the first time there has been an issue between your son and BF. This is exactly why I would never bring another man around my son. I would end it. I would calmly say that it appears you are not the positive male influence and family man that I was hoping for in this relationship. And that is ok. Being with a woman with a ready made family is challenging and this doesn’t seem like this will be a good fit. So let’s reconsider this relationship with distance and time. Im so sorry but my sons well being is my first priority. Then move on immediately.
She needs to run. I had an ex like that. The behaviour only escalates. It started out with small things, like him wanting my attention when I was busy. It escalated to him demanding I leave my dying grandfather's bedside to pick him up across town because he didn't want to park by the hospital. And then we were late for the funeral because he wouldn't gas up his car the night before because he was miffed that I was paying attention to family who had come for the funeral. I failed classes because he wouldn't leave me alone to study. Finally he ruined my friend's wedding. He didn't want us to go. I said I was going with or without him. So he came along and interrupted the ceremony, spilled food all over the buffet, "accidentally" knocked over decorations, cussed at the groom for hugging me. I kept telling him to leave, but he wouldn't unless I went with him. I finally did, because he wouldn't stop wrecking things, and I broke up with him, but my friend never forgave me.
I'm sorry but your boyfriend has to go you've been dating 4 years which means he has dealt with 4 mother/son day moments and hasn't adjusted. I think your relationship has run it's course more importantly he's messing around I guarantee it. He wanted an argument and he created one then left.
Time to kick the boyfriend out of the house. He can go live with his daughter. A parent having special time with their child is something you never mess with.
Mixed feelings. The ankle thing is weird, and I'd like to know a little more on the food situation. Like did he take it from them and like held it hostage while he ate? Did they have it out quazi-buffet style and he helped himself? Also, how old was that pancake batter? OP checked on it two days before, which to me implies that it was likely already several days old, so it probably was at least on the verge of going bad. And does dude have his own car, or does OP just consider it boyfriend duty to keep the cars gassed? Not enough info. I will say, and I'm sure these days it's an unpopular opinion, but in my day (late 80's-90's) we were definitely raised not to speak to an adult like that, so I do think he should apologize for that part, but I do understand that times change and what wasn't acceptable in my childhood might be totally acceptable today.
She is TA if she continues a relationship with someone who needs to be in competition with her son.
This is a red flag. Especially since he called your son, behind your back telling him, he has to apologize. I would wonder is this the first time your bf has done this. It's obvious he did this on purpose. Your son, comes first. The relationship between your son & bf is not going to get better. Again think about how bf will treat your son when you're not around. Then threating your son to not say anything. You will always be your son's mother, the way things look from this situation. Bf won't last, he's not worth it.
Why be jealous of a woman's child? This is immature and speaks to what a terrible father and human he is. I'd dump his a*s. She has only 6 years left (possibly) with her child before he moves out. You have your children for so little time. That dude needs to be out!!
Doesn't seem like the boyfriend was intentionally trying to ruin their day??? I'll give you throwing out the pancake mix if he woke up that morning and forgot, but once she got up and mentioned it and then headed out for the day with her son and him Intentionally pestering her with whiny phone calls all day, then eating their food and not letting them watch a movie. Yeah he Intentionally did all that and is a d@ck. You are so wrong to defend him.
Load More Replies...
No dating partner will ever be or should ever be as important as your own child. A good parent puts thier children before anyone else that comes into thier life (and parents that share the child and are still in that committed relationship are benefitting the child by keeping the family strong and most would not object to thier partner spending a day just with thier child and ideally would both take a day alone with each child on a regular basis).
Load More Replies...
It sounds like she very much tries to accommodate other's needs. She says she plans the date carefully, and gives her boyfriend a full week's notice. Having one special day per month to bond with her child isn't "catering" to him, it's being a loving parent.
Load More Replies... Buddy a lot of c**p in your life has to happen before you become a serial killer. Sorry your parents were so emotionally neglectful that you think a mother/son dinner once a month is borderline incestuous.
Load More Replies... I am positive this will escalate to him harassing OP’s son, if it hasn’t already. This definitely sounds like something she has to put her foot down on, set him straight or dump him. And make sure that her son knows to come to her if BF does ANYTHING.
On first though I had the same reaction. But they have been together for 4 years. I think the bf has something on his mind, she needs to sit him down and talk to him to understand what is wrong. It is does seem like jealousy, but it's not like the 1st time he is experiencing this day, there is some other problem here
Load More Replies... Jeez, I don't think this woman was AH enough! She should dump that guy, and if she owns the house, kick him out! Wow...
There's no room to argue. He planned every step then tries to paint her as bad. She's the AH if she stays in touch with him tho.
Load More Replies... Wait. BF is in his 30s and this is how he behaves. Sounds like her son is more mature than the BF. If he can't respect his GF's relationship with her son and that she spends ONE day a month with him, then I'd tell him to pack his things and GTFO. Some red-flags are big, and some are small, but all are equally important.
He must be late 30s with a 20 year old daughter and op sounds like she is in her early 30s. Not a big difference in age but it's pretty obvious that he is much younger in maturity because he is acting worse than the 12 year old.
Load More Replies... Ditch that dude. Acting like a baby knowing it was ur one day u hang with your kid. What a brat. Yeah son don't need to say sorry for something you prob said yourself. Kick him out of your life. You don't need to raise another kid.
IMO the boyfriend was testing the waters for trying to break up this tradition. One of those things could be a mistake. But doing it that scale was sabotage. He knew what he was doing. His reaction was an attempt to get her to break the tradition. I think she needs to draw a line with him and flat out tell him that short of an emergency, any further attempts to get between her and her son will result in him getting kicked to the curb. Nobody should come between a parent and child. Were that a single me, and my girlfriend tried to come between me and my daughter, she would be out. Doesn't matter what she is or has, I can always get another girlfriend. But I will only ever have my daughter.
Yes. He is manipulative and a liar. Even if this weren't about him trying to affect her relationship with her son, those are massive red flags. I'd dump him just for that. I couldn't respect someone who behaved that way.
Load More Replies... OP is not the AH. But the boyfriend is. Apparently, he's become jealous of the 1 day a month she chooses to do something special with her son. Beware. It was all deliberate and very obvious. I would definitely sh*tcan the boyfriend. Pack his c**p, throw him out. He's just given OP a good insight into his true feelings and intellect. Make it up to the son next month.
O, if you have anything jointly owned see an attorney right away. Quickly close out your part of any joint $$$ accounts. Please protect your self and your son. If you have a Will, change it to protect your son. If it's your house kick him out and change the locks. Only let him into get his things with a law enforcement officer present. Film everything now, make a list of your belongings, and film everything during the removal of his belongings.
Holy moly roly poly. I know it seems like a leap but the easy money says he is cheating. Or having an emotional affair he wants to turn physical. There's at least 5 red flags there. I said what I said.
I’m not sure why cheating would mean sabotaging the day with her son. I don’t get his those two things link together. Surely he’d offer to ‘have the day to himself’ out of the house if that was the case.
Load More Replies... I would dump that man so fast, haha. Anyone who is going to get jealous of my CHILD is outta there.
Yes. Hello. All adults in relationships with children need to realize that the children are more important.
...makes me wonder if he's an only child or the baby of his family. Mind you, not everyone in that age bracket acts that way - but I've seen my share of childish, impudent, bratty attitudes from said age groups. Whatever the case, he's in his 30s,. He shouldn't be acting like a 6 year old.
They've been dating for four years & she has a special day, once a month, w/ her son? And the boyfriend some how is acting like he doesn't know??? Even though OP tells her boyfriend a couple days in advanced?? Boyfriend sounds completely selfish, self absorbed & like a total a*****e. There is no way he didn't sabotage every moment of their day. It's a problem because the boyfriend has already created, felt & displayed his hostility towards the son. That will not just go away. And the boyfriend is already harassing the son. She needs to leave that guy yesterday. No if ands or buts
NTA! So he's upset over this ONE DAY?? And with YOUR SON, no less?? And HE'S expecting the boy to apologize to HIM (granted, the kid should not have called him names, but that's it)?? I promise you, from tossing out the pancake batter to calling OP every several minutes to find something or when he got hurt (there's a thing called an "urgent care center" which treats sore ankles; he should have called a neighbor to take him there); sounds like dude was trying to ruin things with your son! He wants to do the "silent treatment"? Do him one better!! DON'T wake him up for work, fix him breakfast or dinner, take care of his clothes, etc! He'll get the message!
Sounds like he is jealous of her relationship with his son. He is obviously very immature for a supposed adult, maybe because he fathered a daughter as a teenager. She needs to put her life with her son first and dump his sorry a*s, because that’s what he is, and his behavior won’t get better, only worse.
Ok. Run away while you can. Now that he has sabotaged the day once he will do it more frequently in the future. He knew what he was doing and enjoyed it. Take your son away from this shallow, jealous, toxic, spoiled, and ill tempered individual. Walk away and don't look back. I think if you will reflect back you'll see a subtle pattern you didn't realize was happening. Your son is more important, he is in his developing years. When you leave reassure your son that it took time but you realize now that the relationship would not have lasted, it's not his fault.
The boyfriend should, definitely, apologize to the son, specifically, and for his actions. However, I feel OP should have an open conversation with the boyfriend. It's possible he just wants to be included. His daughter is older and his relationship has changed with her. It's possible, he wants a deeper/more hands on connection with OP and OP's son. It's just odd that after 4 years of respecting that day, that he would do a 180°. In my opinion, express how his actions made you feel, but also, ask how he's feeling, and what might have triggered it. In my experience, people don't always understand their own emotions or why they do what they do. Often they don't have bad intentions, just unmet needs.
Call me a b***h, it's the LAST time you'll see me. Act like an a*s to my kid, I'll climb inside you with stilettos on and tap dance on your kidneys.
I dislike that most people's reactions are she should dump him this is clear get out now case. When it reads as a you need to have a talk with him and a think about whether you want to be in this relationship. I can see her boyfriend being a bit oblivious, but also wanting attention and being lonely. So it drove him to call alot and kinda ruin the day. I dont really see what others are saying it seems like they are escalating it. Also, I could understand him being 'jealous/wounded by being told her son means more. It hurts if people say they care/love someone more, even if you intellectually get it, it still stings. It seems people have pathologised him by making him into this nut, who thinks his gf should only care for him. I'm not saying he wasn't an a*****e, but I dont think this is break up now situation.
He ABSOLUTELY did that on purpose. Son DOES NOT need to apologize. Run. Run far away. Or change the locks. NTA times infinity.
This is a "dump him" level offence. Being jealous of you spending a day with your kid is a red flag, especially him not being able to deal with his emotions in a positive adult way, ie by saying "I'm feeling a little left out. I know how important these mother-son days are to you, can we also do a 'family day' with the three of us/do a 'couple day' together." He didn't just act like a jealous child with pouting and silent treatment, he deliberately, repeatedly, sabotaged a tradition that is important to you and to your son. If he's been living with you, you need to kick him out, if he has been sleeping over, take back the keys. Putting your son first means not exposing him to this jealous, toxic, a*****e. Your son should be able to feel safe at home, not have someone coming in and trying to sabotage his relationship with you.
Boyfriend only night. Ha ha ha ha. What I am about to say might blow some people's minds. Now that her son is pre-teen might the boyfriend now see him as a threat and is making a childish p**s poor attempt at securing his position as alpha male? Either way what he did is malicious incompetence and if he keeps this up he needs to be kicked to the curb. Nta
NTA, your son is right, your bf is a d**k. Throw the whole man away.
No grown @$$ man in a relationship for 4 years should be jealous of a 12 year old spending one day out of many with his mother. There are celebrities with several kids that take each one out for a special day. The child needs to feel and be special that day. The mother gets to have a one on one. Those one events are quality times. He will grow up with find memories and raise his offspring with one on one days. The boyfriend is just a child. She doesnt need 2 children. Date nights are just the 2 of them and i assume that the child doesnt sabotage their date night. Maybe he got jealous because she appeared to look overly happy in preparing for their day. He probably justified his actions on her happiness. He is a child at 30 plus. Why is women always have treat men a certsin way all because their little feelings get hurt? So like another commenter wrote she needs to sit him down and discuss the situation. He has been around for 4 years and life was smooth until his antics.
This is a one time offence in a four year relationship, hardly a "dump his a*s" scenario, they need to have a heart to heart, and try to resolve this as a couple. It definately could be resolved with discussion and setting boundaries.
More info: I had to cut some stuff out because of the word count. The gas issue I’ll accept was my fault, the pancake mix was perfectly fine but he said it wasn’t and that I was wrong. I decided to let it go and just made something else. And we talk a regular amount, not this much though. I told him to only call if there was an emergency after the third call but he kept calling regardless insisting that being unable to find his hat was an emergency etc. I suppose I should’ve stopped answering but I was scared that the one call I ignored was going to be the emergency one. And I mean he called saying “babe I’m hurt, I can’t walk, something’s wrong it hurts so f*****g much” and then he hung up and didn’t answer my calls so I got scared.
I had a boyfriend like this and asked me to choose between him and my son. Obviously I chose my son! The last I heard he was living in his car and honestly? That's better than he deserves.
Ha ha ha boyfriend only days. Haaaaa hooo ha ha ha. That guy needs a head check. What I am about to say might blow a few minds, but might his problem be that as the son is pre-teen he is feeling threatened and feels competitive now? Wants to secure his place as alpha male etc. Nah nta he keeps that up kick him to the curb. That is some childish and unnecessary behavior also known as malicious incompetence.
They've been dating four years. This happened ONCE. Several of the things could be just a day going badly, like getting gas and there being traffic. Did the boyfriend plan the traffic? Since there has been a solid four YEARS of him being perfectly fine with these days out, the benefit of a doubt is warranted and she should try to figure out if this really was just a bunch of c**p going wrong all at once, or if something was up with the boyfriend. And yes, she should have her kid apologize or else BF won't apologize back.
If your 12 yr old sees that he is a dique, he is. And this isn’t the first time there has been an issue between your son and BF. This is exactly why I would never bring another man around my son. I would end it. I would calmly say that it appears you are not the positive male influence and family man that I was hoping for in this relationship. And that is ok. Being with a woman with a ready made family is challenging and this doesn’t seem like this will be a good fit. So let’s reconsider this relationship with distance and time. Im so sorry but my sons well being is my first priority. Then move on immediately.
She needs to run. I had an ex like that. The behaviour only escalates. It started out with small things, like him wanting my attention when I was busy. It escalated to him demanding I leave my dying grandfather's bedside to pick him up across town because he didn't want to park by the hospital. And then we were late for the funeral because he wouldn't gas up his car the night before because he was miffed that I was paying attention to family who had come for the funeral. I failed classes because he wouldn't leave me alone to study. Finally he ruined my friend's wedding. He didn't want us to go. I said I was going with or without him. So he came along and interrupted the ceremony, spilled food all over the buffet, "accidentally" knocked over decorations, cussed at the groom for hugging me. I kept telling him to leave, but he wouldn't unless I went with him. I finally did, because he wouldn't stop wrecking things, and I broke up with him, but my friend never forgave me.
I'm sorry but your boyfriend has to go you've been dating 4 years which means he has dealt with 4 mother/son day moments and hasn't adjusted. I think your relationship has run it's course more importantly he's messing around I guarantee it. He wanted an argument and he created one then left.
Time to kick the boyfriend out of the house. He can go live with his daughter. A parent having special time with their child is something you never mess with.
Mixed feelings. The ankle thing is weird, and I'd like to know a little more on the food situation. Like did he take it from them and like held it hostage while he ate? Did they have it out quazi-buffet style and he helped himself? Also, how old was that pancake batter? OP checked on it two days before, which to me implies that it was likely already several days old, so it probably was at least on the verge of going bad. And does dude have his own car, or does OP just consider it boyfriend duty to keep the cars gassed? Not enough info. I will say, and I'm sure these days it's an unpopular opinion, but in my day (late 80's-90's) we were definitely raised not to speak to an adult like that, so I do think he should apologize for that part, but I do understand that times change and what wasn't acceptable in my childhood might be totally acceptable today.
She is TA if she continues a relationship with someone who needs to be in competition with her son.
This is a red flag. Especially since he called your son, behind your back telling him, he has to apologize. I would wonder is this the first time your bf has done this. It's obvious he did this on purpose. Your son, comes first. The relationship between your son & bf is not going to get better. Again think about how bf will treat your son when you're not around. Then threating your son to not say anything. You will always be your son's mother, the way things look from this situation. Bf won't last, he's not worth it.
Why be jealous of a woman's child? This is immature and speaks to what a terrible father and human he is. I'd dump his a*s. She has only 6 years left (possibly) with her child before he moves out. You have your children for so little time. That dude needs to be out!!
Doesn't seem like the boyfriend was intentionally trying to ruin their day??? I'll give you throwing out the pancake mix if he woke up that morning and forgot, but once she got up and mentioned it and then headed out for the day with her son and him Intentionally pestering her with whiny phone calls all day, then eating their food and not letting them watch a movie. Yeah he Intentionally did all that and is a d@ck. You are so wrong to defend him.
Load More Replies... No dating partner will ever be or should ever be as important as your own child. A good parent puts thier children before anyone else that comes into thier life (and parents that share the child and are still in that committed relationship are benefitting the child by keeping the family strong and most would not object to thier partner spending a day just with thier child and ideally would both take a day alone with each child on a regular basis).
Load More Replies... It sounds like she very much tries to accommodate other's needs. She says she plans the date carefully, and gives her boyfriend a full week's notice. Having one special day per month to bond with her child isn't "catering" to him, it's being a loving parent.
Load More Replies... Buddy a lot of c**p in your life has to happen before you become a serial killer. Sorry your parents were so emotionally neglectful that you think a mother/son dinner once a month is borderline incestuous.
Load More Replies...
111
88