Man Stands Up For His Wife When Sister’s New Boyfriend Makes A Rude ‘Joke’ About Her Mastectomy
People say you only get one chance to make a great first impression. That’s why so many obsess about their looks, body language, and interesting conversation topics to be on top of their game. And all of this comes to a whole new level when you’re about to meet your partner’s parents. After all, they could potentially stay in your life for years.
So imagine getting ready to welcome a new member into your family, only to find out they show a real lack of respect for the people you love. That’s exactly what happened to user ShutupHank766. His family recently gathered to meet his sister’s new boyfriend, who seemed decent at first, but things quickly turned sour when the guy decided to “playfully” joke about his wife’s mastectomy.
The boyfriend’s insensitive remark prompted a deluge of reactions. While the wife felt “uncomfortable to the point of crying”, the author was furious and “scared her boyfriend” out of their parents’ house. The user turned to the AITA community to ask whether he was wrong to act this way. Read on for the full story.
Recently, this man shared a story about how his sister’s new boyfriend “playfully” joked about his wife’s mastectomy
Image credits: Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ShutupHank766
ShutupHank766’s story quickly collected 21.5K upvotes and inspired people to share their thoughts and their own experiences. Later on, the author revealed how his wife’s breast cancer and mastectomy came up during the conversation. You see, it was the first thing his sister said when introducing her. “My wife was basically forced into opening up about it just because she’s too nice to even show discomfort,” he wrote.
Luckily, ShutupHank766’s mother sided with the man and his wife in the argument. She showed empathy and support by following his wife into the kitchen and staying with her to calm her down. “Mom and my wife have a mother-daughter relationship, they’re incredibly close.”
Needless to say, the majority of Redditors determined that the author was not in the wrong in this situation. Members of the AITA community applauded the husband for standing up for his wife and not allowing the boyfriend to get away with such insensitive jokes. While some people might justify his actions because meeting the family often comes with piles of stress, the boyfriend should have known better.
Relationship expert April Masini suggested some easy steps to make the meeting of your SO’s parents seem less daunting. According to her, you should always come prepared. “Find out from your partner what sets their parents off,” she said. “For instance, if they’re staunch political advocates or if they tend to be very religious — get a head’s up so you can steer clear of talking politics or making comments about religion. Basically, get briefed on what they’re like and ask specifically, what you should not talk about and why.”
However, Masini stressed that the most important thing is to use good manners. “The reason is that by doing so, you’re showing respect. You’re also showing that you’re educated in a way that isn’t taught in any school. When your partner’s parents see you have good manners, you’re broadcasting the fact that you know how to behave in social situations, and this is currency in relationships.”
“Your partner’s parents are going to be much more eager to introduce you to their friends and family members when they see your good manners because they’ll feel you fit in, and they’ll feel proud to be associated with you.”
Masini recommended displaying your manners by bringing a gift, being respectful, not getting drunk, or using curse words. And, of course, not upsetting their daughter-in-law who’s sitting right at the other end of the table.
The vast majority of Redditors determined that he was NTA in this situation, here’s what they had to say
What a rude, insensitive pig the sister's boyfriend is. He's lucky he didn't get a punch in the nose.
The sister is also incredibly insensitive. From reddit: "My sister [...] was introducing each member of the family and when it was my wife's turn, the first thing she (my sister) told him was that my wife had cancer. my wife was basically forced into opening up about it just because she's too nice to even show discomfort." Holy mackerel, the sister is a complete ass! She and the boyfriend validate each other's awfulness.
They deserve each other. What a toxic pair of toads.
Goood grief!
Absolutely. I think OP handled himself in an incredibly calm and mature way, I commend him for that. Some little p***k he doesn't know has just said something ludicrously offence to his wife - the woman who means more than the whole word to him - and reduced her to tears. Strike one. Not only that, BF has done that right in front of OP as if it's not going to be a problem, like OP's just gonna sit there and take it. That's way beyond arrogant or even disrespectful, that's intentional provocation. Strike two. Then to put the cherry on the cake, BF chooses to do this in front of all the family, in the family home. BF insults OP's wife, right in front of OP, and OP's parents, then thinks he's just gonna sit there and finish his dinner. At that point there are a lot of guys (particularly those of us afflicted with Fragile Male Ego syndrome) would have knocked seven bells out of BF just on principle. Violence isn't big or clever but I can see how this might tip a guy over the edge.
*Applause* Thank you!
This. I might say ESH if he had hauled off and decked him (but maybe not even then) - anything short of smacking him in his stupid mouth = NTA in any way, shape, or form. The dude's 26, not 16 (and even most 16 year olds know "Breast Cancer + Major Surgery = holy s**t don't joke about it.")
even i know not to make those! and i tend to make some dark and/or insensitive jokes (i have been making less insensitive jokes)
I feel sorry for the wife and hope they cut contact with all except the mother. When my mom was diagnosed with cancer she said "I'm a Libra but whatever" When she had her left breast removed she said "Now I can always feel a right tit" When her hair fell out due to chemo she was given 2 wigs. She would get out of going out by saying, "I can't make it. I'm washing my hair... It should be on the spin cycle by now, but the washing machine hates head and shoulders" and "I used wash and go, and when I washed, it went" also "Time to go shopping for hair care products. Can someone go grab me some Windolene?" She was pretty much like that all the time until she died in 2005 where she went a few days after her wedding anniversary
Your mother sounds like an absolute riot. I was so sorry to read to the end of your comment and see that she's no longer with us. It was lovely to get to know a little about someone who sounds like she was a remarkable person
Thank you. She was amazing, and I have so many memories of her for what she did and what she was like. People say I get my sense of humour from her
your mother was an absolute gem. thank you for sharing her memory with us. no doubt she's brought a smile to so many faces & will continue to do so even after death. rest in peace, her humor will never fade.
Thank you. She was funny as hell and really energetic. She also loved a good party, but loved throwing them more
Your mom sounds amazing! You are truly lucky. Unfortunately, I can't agree that families should cut ties so quickly. I have many highly toxic family members that I still choose to love.
Thank you, I think she would have loved it here on Bored Panda. As for cutting off a family, My family cut off a very toxic branch of our family tree because they were beyond toxic. They are in zero contact with our entire family. Short story: I was accused of r*ping my 7-year-old cousin. I was 5 at the time. It came out that they were hoping that they could sue us and get 'loads of money'. It was a scam to grab cash from my mom. They even called the police. When everyone found out, they were forced out of town, and we have never heard from them since. I was told about this on many occasions by different members of my family and extended family that were old enough at the time to remember it. As one uncle put it, "He's a babby! His idea of fun with that thing is writing his name badly on hot paving slabs or in the snow and pretending to be a fire man!" So yeah, these are the signs of toxicity building up for something worse later. The thing is we used to have them over on holidays etc
Your mom and my parents would have made great friends
Your mom sounds like mine did. She’s tell me she saved money on shampoo and razors. It took her less time to get ready and didn’t have to worry about stubble or ingrown hairs. She would also wear hoop earrings all the time and we’d joke that she was Mrs. Clean. At one point in time a female family member made a joke about how mom’s one boob left was still bigger than both of hers together and mom whipped the silicone one out of her bra and tossed it at her to check it out. She taught me how to cope and find the smallest things to be happy about even in darkest times. I miss her like hell.
The boob bit reminded me of the time they were discussing rebuilding her breast, and they asked if she wanted to test the feel of it out, and she said "Chuck us me tit then" I miss my mom like hell too. I didn't get a chance to grieve over my moms passing, as I spent the whole time sorting out the funeral and comforting family. We have a big family, and it has had an effect on me. I have lucid dreams of my mom where I can interact with her like she is still alive, but she knows she isn't. She gives me advice as I sleep. The theory is that I was very close to my mom and my mind made a dream mom using every memory available. We spend a lot of time on a beautiful beach sitting at a bistro table having afternoon tea. She still has her sense of humour
The only time humour is appropriate is when the woman in question repeatedly uses humour to deal with the challenges she faces. It’s never ok to assume that they are comfortable talking about it or people bringing everyone else’s attention to it. Would he want the woman in question to joke about him if he had testicular cancer and had one removed? I doubt it very much. FFS, be more kind!
I was going to say something similar. I had surgery as a final step to beat colon cancer. I used dark humor to get myself through it and now my family and friends understand they do not need to walk on eggshells. The funny thing is how other people get offended when I joke about my own condition 🤣🤣
Exactly. My aunt and I make jokes about her single mastectomy but that's our sense of humor and it was after a good amount of time after the surgery. And I've made many a colon joke with my buddy after he had his removed; keyword is with. They initiate and you bet your ass I'm gonna go with you and make you laugh
To me, the joke is the least of his crimes. We've all misspoke or made a bad joke. But he didn't apologize when he understood he said something awful. He didn't even feel bad about it! He repeatedly defended himself and then...left? What a wanker!
a wanker is all he will be doing, don't think he will be coming back.
What a rude, insensitive pig the sister's boyfriend is. He's lucky he didn't get a punch in the nose.
The sister is also incredibly insensitive. From reddit: "My sister [...] was introducing each member of the family and when it was my wife's turn, the first thing she (my sister) told him was that my wife had cancer. my wife was basically forced into opening up about it just because she's too nice to even show discomfort." Holy mackerel, the sister is a complete ass! She and the boyfriend validate each other's awfulness.
They deserve each other. What a toxic pair of toads.
Goood grief!
Absolutely. I think OP handled himself in an incredibly calm and mature way, I commend him for that. Some little p***k he doesn't know has just said something ludicrously offence to his wife - the woman who means more than the whole word to him - and reduced her to tears. Strike one. Not only that, BF has done that right in front of OP as if it's not going to be a problem, like OP's just gonna sit there and take it. That's way beyond arrogant or even disrespectful, that's intentional provocation. Strike two. Then to put the cherry on the cake, BF chooses to do this in front of all the family, in the family home. BF insults OP's wife, right in front of OP, and OP's parents, then thinks he's just gonna sit there and finish his dinner. At that point there are a lot of guys (particularly those of us afflicted with Fragile Male Ego syndrome) would have knocked seven bells out of BF just on principle. Violence isn't big or clever but I can see how this might tip a guy over the edge.
*Applause* Thank you!
This. I might say ESH if he had hauled off and decked him (but maybe not even then) - anything short of smacking him in his stupid mouth = NTA in any way, shape, or form. The dude's 26, not 16 (and even most 16 year olds know "Breast Cancer + Major Surgery = holy s**t don't joke about it.")
even i know not to make those! and i tend to make some dark and/or insensitive jokes (i have been making less insensitive jokes)
I feel sorry for the wife and hope they cut contact with all except the mother. When my mom was diagnosed with cancer she said "I'm a Libra but whatever" When she had her left breast removed she said "Now I can always feel a right tit" When her hair fell out due to chemo she was given 2 wigs. She would get out of going out by saying, "I can't make it. I'm washing my hair... It should be on the spin cycle by now, but the washing machine hates head and shoulders" and "I used wash and go, and when I washed, it went" also "Time to go shopping for hair care products. Can someone go grab me some Windolene?" She was pretty much like that all the time until she died in 2005 where she went a few days after her wedding anniversary
Your mother sounds like an absolute riot. I was so sorry to read to the end of your comment and see that she's no longer with us. It was lovely to get to know a little about someone who sounds like she was a remarkable person
Thank you. She was amazing, and I have so many memories of her for what she did and what she was like. People say I get my sense of humour from her
your mother was an absolute gem. thank you for sharing her memory with us. no doubt she's brought a smile to so many faces & will continue to do so even after death. rest in peace, her humor will never fade.
Thank you. She was funny as hell and really energetic. She also loved a good party, but loved throwing them more
Your mom sounds amazing! You are truly lucky. Unfortunately, I can't agree that families should cut ties so quickly. I have many highly toxic family members that I still choose to love.
Thank you, I think she would have loved it here on Bored Panda. As for cutting off a family, My family cut off a very toxic branch of our family tree because they were beyond toxic. They are in zero contact with our entire family. Short story: I was accused of r*ping my 7-year-old cousin. I was 5 at the time. It came out that they were hoping that they could sue us and get 'loads of money'. It was a scam to grab cash from my mom. They even called the police. When everyone found out, they were forced out of town, and we have never heard from them since. I was told about this on many occasions by different members of my family and extended family that were old enough at the time to remember it. As one uncle put it, "He's a babby! His idea of fun with that thing is writing his name badly on hot paving slabs or in the snow and pretending to be a fire man!" So yeah, these are the signs of toxicity building up for something worse later. The thing is we used to have them over on holidays etc
Your mom and my parents would have made great friends
Your mom sounds like mine did. She’s tell me she saved money on shampoo and razors. It took her less time to get ready and didn’t have to worry about stubble or ingrown hairs. She would also wear hoop earrings all the time and we’d joke that she was Mrs. Clean. At one point in time a female family member made a joke about how mom’s one boob left was still bigger than both of hers together and mom whipped the silicone one out of her bra and tossed it at her to check it out. She taught me how to cope and find the smallest things to be happy about even in darkest times. I miss her like hell.
The boob bit reminded me of the time they were discussing rebuilding her breast, and they asked if she wanted to test the feel of it out, and she said "Chuck us me tit then" I miss my mom like hell too. I didn't get a chance to grieve over my moms passing, as I spent the whole time sorting out the funeral and comforting family. We have a big family, and it has had an effect on me. I have lucid dreams of my mom where I can interact with her like she is still alive, but she knows she isn't. She gives me advice as I sleep. The theory is that I was very close to my mom and my mind made a dream mom using every memory available. We spend a lot of time on a beautiful beach sitting at a bistro table having afternoon tea. She still has her sense of humour
The only time humour is appropriate is when the woman in question repeatedly uses humour to deal with the challenges she faces. It’s never ok to assume that they are comfortable talking about it or people bringing everyone else’s attention to it. Would he want the woman in question to joke about him if he had testicular cancer and had one removed? I doubt it very much. FFS, be more kind!
I was going to say something similar. I had surgery as a final step to beat colon cancer. I used dark humor to get myself through it and now my family and friends understand they do not need to walk on eggshells. The funny thing is how other people get offended when I joke about my own condition 🤣🤣
Exactly. My aunt and I make jokes about her single mastectomy but that's our sense of humor and it was after a good amount of time after the surgery. And I've made many a colon joke with my buddy after he had his removed; keyword is with. They initiate and you bet your ass I'm gonna go with you and make you laugh
To me, the joke is the least of his crimes. We've all misspoke or made a bad joke. But he didn't apologize when he understood he said something awful. He didn't even feel bad about it! He repeatedly defended himself and then...left? What a wanker!
a wanker is all he will be doing, don't think he will be coming back.