Woman Ends Her 2-Year Relationship After She Finds Out Cruise Tickets Are Her Birthday Gift
Ask any relationship professional about what’s important in a good relationship and no doubt at some point in their litany of things, they will mention communication. Good communication, open communication, honest communication—it all solves the achiest relationship problems just like that.
So why isn’t everyone around us in a perfect fairytale relationship? That is because good communication is hard. It requires openness, vulnerability, and a desire to hear and understand your partner, and managing it all can be tough.
The woman in this story found herself in a situation where the relationship she’s in wasn’t in a great spot due to poor communication. Mostly on the side of her partner, that is. Scroll down below to see what made her realize that, what actions she took to deal with the situation, and how Reddit’s True Off My Chest community reacted to it.
Birthday gifts can be quite tricky to get right. You wish to give the person something that they will enjoy and appreciate, but also don’t want to gift them something they already have
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
The guy in this story really missed the mark on his girlfriend’s birthday gift. To the point that she was willing to break up with him
Image credits: midiman (not the actual photo)
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Image source: Helpful-Minimum8496
After a few days, the author posted an update on the situation
Image credits: Sonyachny (not the actual photo)
Image source: Helpful-Minimum8496
Listening is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship
Image credits: Edmond Dantès (not the actual photo)
This sad situation is another confirmation of how important it is to listen to your partner. In everyday interactions, noting the details of their preferences and their exciting inner life, as well as the more serious conversations about the future of your relationship. The woman noted that she has raised her concerns a few times over the years and even then her partner didn’t hear her, which is an awful situation to be put in.
If you wish to be a better listener, a good place to start is by trying out a mirroring technique. In it, when you’re talking about your feelings and emotions, you listen to what your partner says and then repeat it back to them how you understood it. This gives your partner a chance to clarify any misunderstandings and misconstructions.
Knowing how to present your feelings is also very important
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When trying to sort out issues with your partner, it is important not to start the conversation with animosity. Many of us like to jump straight to the issue and start accusing and blaming as if our partner is doing everything wrong. This is understandable as we are trying to vent our frustrations and jump to generalizations, but it’s not a good move.
Instead, you have to try to keep your cool. When talking about feelings, you have to keep in mind that what you’re feeling is your perspective and there are other factors at play you might not be aware of. So, starting with statements like “I feel,” “I think,” is the best way to manage a tricky situation. For example, if you also feel like your desires are being ignored, you could say “I feel unvalued and unloved when you dismiss my wishes in preference to yours.” That’s, of course, not the whole conversation but a good start.
Either way, if you see a behavior that upsets you, bring it up. Then, if it doesn’t change and becomes a pattern, don’t be afraid to walk away, just like the woman in this story did. You deserve better.
The author got overwhelming support from commentators
I've been there. So glad she's ended this relationship! Glad to see someone referenced Homer Simpson getting Marge a bowling ball for her birthday, with the ball already engraved "Homer" and fit to his fingers!
Been there. My last ex couldn't understamd I didn't like celebrating my birthday, and the last straw was in 2018, I just ate, was full (got late from work, about 11) and she called me to the living room... and there were my whole family with cake and dinner. I just wanted to lay in bes and sleep after a 13 hour shift. And yes, I told her several times that day and the days before I wanted nothing
I hate surprise birthday parties. I'd rather just ignore the day.
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So so proud of her. I wish more women, girlfriends and partners get inspired by this brilliant example. End things earlier is better, and to not compromise one self so much for nothing. I salute you!
And men too! Everyone can be emotionally abused. It’s a great lesson all around. Your partner should be your source of comfort and confidence (generally), not the source of self-doubt.
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Receiving a birthday gift marked the penultimate straw for me, the final one being the discovery of romantic texts between him and a colleague about whom he always said 'dont be an idiot , she is a pure girl and just a friend.' He had more pictures of her than me. As we were living together, I received an Amazon package addressed to me, with no gift wrap. I opened it, assuming it was from my family, only to find something I had been telling him for six years that I absolutely despise. The bill had his name so i thought maybe he bought it for someone else, because there is no way he will pick this as my gift. I called him to inform, and he confirmed that he indeed ordered it as my gift. When I asked him why he spent money on something he knew I would hate, his response was, "Buying gifts for you is a chore. Don't give me anything next time, and I won't have to do it for you." He was quite skilled at manipulation, and I reluctantly used the gift, feeling as if I were in the wrong.
That was a gift for him, obviously. I am hard to gift too, so I always say, weeks before, I DIN'T WANT NOTHING, IF YOUNGIVE ME ANYTHING IT GOES TO THE DONATION BIX. The last gift I recieved was a box of chocolates 2 months ago,... while on a diet. Smh.
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Counseling wouldn’t work because she was already done with the relationship. It would have money spent on him learning to accept that it was over. I wouldn’t let friends treat me like that, let alone a significant other.
The counselling suggestion can mean: "I want a trusted professional to take my side and tell you that you're wrong." I don't know if that's the case here. If the ex is sincere about changing, he'll have to do that on his own and make a real effort to do better in the next relationship.
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Him being selfish about the cruise is one thing (a huge issue but not the thing I wanted to focus on) but who tf books in another trip at the same time when he knows that she already has something planned? It's incredibly manipulative, he's so obviously doing this on purpose and is just playing dumb because he got busted. That and how he picked something he obviously knew made her sick. The entire situation is actually pretty messed up.
Sounds like OP's friends and family are easily distracted by $$$. This is a good example of how you can give someone a present that seems generous because it cost money, but it's really not. I don't have f u money and my dad would probably react the same way if I bought him cruise tickets (too many plumbing disasters). A cruise is not going to be fun for anyone who gets sea sick and was planning to go to the Renaissance Fair for months instead.
I'm all for couples therapy but only if there's something to save and when you have a long history together. 2 years is really not that long and this is something that is really hard to change.
You can solve misunderstandings, or adjust your expectations to each other but you can't change your personality or values. If one member of the couple doesn't value the other, there's nothing to do.
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You just know that the ex is out there telling people that she broke up with him out of nowhere because he got her the wrong gift. He learned nothing.
He didn't by OP a present. He bought himself a present and used the excuse that it was OP's birthday to justify it because "oh they were for you"... f*****g a*****e. Good for OP for ending it!
I wouldn’t be surprised if the boyfriend knew she wouldn’t go on the cruise, so he has an extra spot for his new side piece of go with him instead, while his girlfriend goes to her Ren Faire. FYI, with all the reports of poop cruises and other awful gross stuff on cruises, they don’t appeal to me, and I love sailing and don’t get seasick at all. Also, a cruise ship is not an ocean liner. I would be happy to sail to Europe on an ocean liner. But you can forget ever seeing me on a cruise ship. I would also prefer the Ren Faire myself, and would be really excited to put my costume together for it, because I like dressing up in costumes as much as I hate cruises.
The part where she said she was even annoyed, just numb really resonated with me. Glad she was able to break it off.
Hey honey, look what I got you for your birthday!!! Wait, what ??? Why are you upset with me?? It’s a peanut butter-chocolate ice cream cake. It’s the best!! I love it so I thought you would too. I know you say you’re lactose intolerant and allergic to peanuts, but that’s what lactaid and epi-pens are for. You’ll like it if you try it. Come on I spent a lot of money on this cake.
This reminds me of my friend. First of all, she worked on her birthday and her (now) ex took the car to her job to give her a grocery list and then left with the car. Her job was next to the grocery store and he could have done the shopping himself, or at least left her the car. She picked up the groceries and carried them 2 miles to get home. When she got home he had a great birthday present for her. The 2 dogs he wanted and she had told him they couldn't have them because she is allergic to dogs. He didn't understand why she "suddenly" walked out on him. (It was a pattern and the dogs were the last boiling point.)
Hells, what a class A jerk. I hope your friend find someone wonderful to spend her life with.
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My ex husband, 'You're so hard to buy for'. Sir you are literally standing in a home full of things I love!
The whole point of giving a gift is to make the receiver happy. I couldn't imagine wanting to give my husband something he didn't really enjoy. Its so pointless and a bit cruel. Giving gifts that someone loves makes you feel so happy and their happiness is wonderful. What's the point otherwise?
Birthday at the ren faire? Say less I would reply lol (former ren actor). They would be royalty even more so that day
My ex asked if I wanted Taylor Swift tickets for Christmas. I LOVE Taylor Swift but told him no and explained that the reason was because I didn't have anyone to go with and wouldn't want to go alone. We had a TWO HOUR conversation about this, including what I might like instead. Guess what I got for Christmas that year....
For years, well before Amazon existed, I'd give my parents/relatives a list of things I wanted for xmas/bday (they're about a month apart). Out of a list of maybe ten things, I'd be lucky if I got two. Everything else they "gifted" me was "because the other stuff you asked for was too expensive/too unladylike/too hard to find." "Too expensive" was BS because they clearly spent more on the stuff I "should" want than on the stuff I actually wanted. When Amazon finally came along, and I convinced my family to just get me Amazon GCs so I could pick my own stuff, it was entertaining how often their reaction to the stuff I got was, "Why on earth would you want *that*?!"
The way I look at it is: the gift is meant to reflect the person you're giving it to. You don't give someone a gift that you THINK they'd like (especially if they gave you a list!!!!). Thankfully my kids ask for money....yeah it's less personal, but they want money to spend it how they want. For me, it makes me happy to know that I maybe helped them out with rent or a bill or that they just wanted to splurge a bit.
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I declined a proposal from my BF when he presented a diamond solitaire ring. I had told him over and over that I like colored stones, not diamonds. Told him after earrings, bracelet, pendants. Did it very nicely and he went with me to exchange those. But if he can't or won't remember such a thing, it's a no go.
Oh my ... what a ... why are people like that? How do they end up being a couple for YEARS? If there are interests only one of the two shares ... no big deal, that ... but if there's nothing to share, if you're, say, a motorcycling vegan and end up being espoused to a butcher who loves to hike and hates motorcycling, the both of you should reconsider either themselves in total, or the relationship. Because it's gonna sink anyway if stuff stay as are.
I think the key concept is respect. You obviously need to have something in common, and respect the other person's choices, too. Things will work fine if you give the other person space and time for their interests. In your example, one person can go motorcycling every now and then, while the other stays at home or meets friends. You don't need to be together all the time. I know a couple in which she is a vegan and he is a carnivorous, and they respect each other's choices. There are few red lines, though. I could never share my life with a person who hates animals, because "my" animals are like family and I would not re-home them for anybody. "It's the animals or me"? Well, bye. Good riddance.
Load More Replies... I'm gonna shamelessly brag here. I'm about to buy my wife a trip to Borneo for our 20th anniversary, she loves Orangutans and Sun Bears, plus we'll do the turtle islands while we're there.
The very fact that he won’t even think about breaking the lease because HE thinks they can work it out - tell me you’re not listening without telling me you’re not listening….. Way to double down!
You suffered a lot, and now it is time for you to recover from this and heal.
Stopped celebrating birthdays years ago - life is so much simpler :)
Sometimes the person you're dating has you confused for somebody else.
Going to a counsellow wouldhave bene useless - another instance of him forcing his way onyou. And him refusing to accept the break-up is just more of the same, where it's his way and never yours,and HE's going to decide what you need and want..
You were right to end it. As far as he was concerned, you're nothing but an extension,, what goes for him is supposed to go for you becayse you don't exist separately, how you feel and what you want don't matter.
OMG, This - THIS - -THIS! I’m 30 years in. Have always felt I was just stupid & being a difficult wife. In 30 years my birthday has been acknowledged 4-5 times, & once was just a verbal, “Oh yeah, happy birthday.” After the clerk at the bank told me “Happy Birthday!” & he just happened to be standing there. Let’s not get into anniversaries, Christmas, etc. The excuse is always, “Well I just didn’t think about it, you can’t get mad over something I wasn’t thinking about, you’re taking it wrong.”— So clearly I must have been stupid for believing that’s all I was worth.— Now here’s the twist; a year ago he got a traumatic brain injury. He finally remembered Christmas & my last birthday, but we both had Covid, so it was a non event- but he remembered. So ladies……. 😉 🍳 😵💫 = 👍🏼 Happy Birthday to me!
Uhm okay so her boyfriend doesn't pay attention to what she enjoys. Apparently OP is perfect and the boyfriend doesn't know how lucky he was to have her. Not compatible obviously and she believes she can do better. Can we agree that virtually everyone has a birthday every single year. Once you are past 12 let it go and grow up. Move on. Go play victim with someone else.
These two people have been incompatible from the start. if OP's so angry about the way her boyfriend thinks and acts, she should've left him a long time ago. Cruises are romantic and fun, and most people enjoy them a lot. Renaissance fairs, on the other hand, aren't most men's ideal pastime. Why was OP expecting her boyfriend to be enthusiastic about that kind of activity?
If it's something you dislike and the other person has no other topic of conversation, then you are better off. I've met other couples who have different interests and it worked fine because of mutual respect of boundaries. One of my colleagues goes fishing with his buddies every year, while his wife gets her annual Renaissance Fair weekend away from the family (he gets to happily watch Saturday morning cartoons with the kids).
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Sorry, but did you even read the whole thing? She clearly states multiple times that she talked to him about these things time and time again. And she didn't say she kept a list in her head, she was now making a list and remembered lots of things, that doesn't mean she had already a list in her head, it just means she has memories.
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I've been there. So glad she's ended this relationship! Glad to see someone referenced Homer Simpson getting Marge a bowling ball for her birthday, with the ball already engraved "Homer" and fit to his fingers!
Been there. My last ex couldn't understamd I didn't like celebrating my birthday, and the last straw was in 2018, I just ate, was full (got late from work, about 11) and she called me to the living room... and there were my whole family with cake and dinner. I just wanted to lay in bes and sleep after a 13 hour shift. And yes, I told her several times that day and the days before I wanted nothing
I hate surprise birthday parties. I'd rather just ignore the day.
Load More Replies... So so proud of her. I wish more women, girlfriends and partners get inspired by this brilliant example. End things earlier is better, and to not compromise one self so much for nothing. I salute you!
And men too! Everyone can be emotionally abused. It’s a great lesson all around. Your partner should be your source of comfort and confidence (generally), not the source of self-doubt.
Load More Replies... Receiving a birthday gift marked the penultimate straw for me, the final one being the discovery of romantic texts between him and a colleague about whom he always said 'dont be an idiot , she is a pure girl and just a friend.' He had more pictures of her than me. As we were living together, I received an Amazon package addressed to me, with no gift wrap. I opened it, assuming it was from my family, only to find something I had been telling him for six years that I absolutely despise. The bill had his name so i thought maybe he bought it for someone else, because there is no way he will pick this as my gift. I called him to inform, and he confirmed that he indeed ordered it as my gift. When I asked him why he spent money on something he knew I would hate, his response was, "Buying gifts for you is a chore. Don't give me anything next time, and I won't have to do it for you." He was quite skilled at manipulation, and I reluctantly used the gift, feeling as if I were in the wrong.
That was a gift for him, obviously. I am hard to gift too, so I always say, weeks before, I DIN'T WANT NOTHING, IF YOUNGIVE ME ANYTHING IT GOES TO THE DONATION BIX. The last gift I recieved was a box of chocolates 2 months ago,... while on a diet. Smh.
Load More Replies... Counseling wouldn’t work because she was already done with the relationship. It would have money spent on him learning to accept that it was over. I wouldn’t let friends treat me like that, let alone a significant other.
The counselling suggestion can mean: "I want a trusted professional to take my side and tell you that you're wrong." I don't know if that's the case here. If the ex is sincere about changing, he'll have to do that on his own and make a real effort to do better in the next relationship.
Load More Replies... Him being selfish about the cruise is one thing (a huge issue but not the thing I wanted to focus on) but who tf books in another trip at the same time when he knows that she already has something planned? It's incredibly manipulative, he's so obviously doing this on purpose and is just playing dumb because he got busted. That and how he picked something he obviously knew made her sick. The entire situation is actually pretty messed up.
Sounds like OP's friends and family are easily distracted by $$$. This is a good example of how you can give someone a present that seems generous because it cost money, but it's really not. I don't have f u money and my dad would probably react the same way if I bought him cruise tickets (too many plumbing disasters). A cruise is not going to be fun for anyone who gets sea sick and was planning to go to the Renaissance Fair for months instead.
I'm all for couples therapy but only if there's something to save and when you have a long history together. 2 years is really not that long and this is something that is really hard to change.
You can solve misunderstandings, or adjust your expectations to each other but you can't change your personality or values. If one member of the couple doesn't value the other, there's nothing to do.
Load More Replies... You just know that the ex is out there telling people that she broke up with him out of nowhere because he got her the wrong gift. He learned nothing.
He didn't by OP a present. He bought himself a present and used the excuse that it was OP's birthday to justify it because "oh they were for you"... f*****g a*****e. Good for OP for ending it!
I wouldn’t be surprised if the boyfriend knew she wouldn’t go on the cruise, so he has an extra spot for his new side piece of go with him instead, while his girlfriend goes to her Ren Faire. FYI, with all the reports of poop cruises and other awful gross stuff on cruises, they don’t appeal to me, and I love sailing and don’t get seasick at all. Also, a cruise ship is not an ocean liner. I would be happy to sail to Europe on an ocean liner. But you can forget ever seeing me on a cruise ship. I would also prefer the Ren Faire myself, and would be really excited to put my costume together for it, because I like dressing up in costumes as much as I hate cruises.
The part where she said she was even annoyed, just numb really resonated with me. Glad she was able to break it off.
Hey honey, look what I got you for your birthday!!! Wait, what ??? Why are you upset with me?? It’s a peanut butter-chocolate ice cream cake. It’s the best!! I love it so I thought you would too. I know you say you’re lactose intolerant and allergic to peanuts, but that’s what lactaid and epi-pens are for. You’ll like it if you try it. Come on I spent a lot of money on this cake.
This reminds me of my friend. First of all, she worked on her birthday and her (now) ex took the car to her job to give her a grocery list and then left with the car. Her job was next to the grocery store and he could have done the shopping himself, or at least left her the car. She picked up the groceries and carried them 2 miles to get home. When she got home he had a great birthday present for her. The 2 dogs he wanted and she had told him they couldn't have them because she is allergic to dogs. He didn't understand why she "suddenly" walked out on him. (It was a pattern and the dogs were the last boiling point.)
Hells, what a class A jerk. I hope your friend find someone wonderful to spend her life with.
Load More Replies... My ex husband, 'You're so hard to buy for'. Sir you are literally standing in a home full of things I love!
The whole point of giving a gift is to make the receiver happy. I couldn't imagine wanting to give my husband something he didn't really enjoy. Its so pointless and a bit cruel. Giving gifts that someone loves makes you feel so happy and their happiness is wonderful. What's the point otherwise?
Birthday at the ren faire? Say less I would reply lol (former ren actor). They would be royalty even more so that day
My ex asked if I wanted Taylor Swift tickets for Christmas. I LOVE Taylor Swift but told him no and explained that the reason was because I didn't have anyone to go with and wouldn't want to go alone. We had a TWO HOUR conversation about this, including what I might like instead. Guess what I got for Christmas that year....
For years, well before Amazon existed, I'd give my parents/relatives a list of things I wanted for xmas/bday (they're about a month apart). Out of a list of maybe ten things, I'd be lucky if I got two. Everything else they "gifted" me was "because the other stuff you asked for was too expensive/too unladylike/too hard to find." "Too expensive" was BS because they clearly spent more on the stuff I "should" want than on the stuff I actually wanted. When Amazon finally came along, and I convinced my family to just get me Amazon GCs so I could pick my own stuff, it was entertaining how often their reaction to the stuff I got was, "Why on earth would you want *that*?!"
The way I look at it is: the gift is meant to reflect the person you're giving it to. You don't give someone a gift that you THINK they'd like (especially if they gave you a list!!!!). Thankfully my kids ask for money....yeah it's less personal, but they want money to spend it how they want. For me, it makes me happy to know that I maybe helped them out with rent or a bill or that they just wanted to splurge a bit.
Load More Replies... I declined a proposal from my BF when he presented a diamond solitaire ring. I had told him over and over that I like colored stones, not diamonds. Told him after earrings, bracelet, pendants. Did it very nicely and he went with me to exchange those. But if he can't or won't remember such a thing, it's a no go.
Oh my ... what a ... why are people like that? How do they end up being a couple for YEARS? If there are interests only one of the two shares ... no big deal, that ... but if there's nothing to share, if you're, say, a motorcycling vegan and end up being espoused to a butcher who loves to hike and hates motorcycling, the both of you should reconsider either themselves in total, or the relationship. Because it's gonna sink anyway if stuff stay as are.
I think the key concept is respect. You obviously need to have something in common, and respect the other person's choices, too. Things will work fine if you give the other person space and time for their interests. In your example, one person can go motorcycling every now and then, while the other stays at home or meets friends. You don't need to be together all the time. I know a couple in which she is a vegan and he is a carnivorous, and they respect each other's choices. There are few red lines, though. I could never share my life with a person who hates animals, because "my" animals are like family and I would not re-home them for anybody. "It's the animals or me"? Well, bye. Good riddance.
Load More Replies... I'm gonna shamelessly brag here. I'm about to buy my wife a trip to Borneo for our 20th anniversary, she loves Orangutans and Sun Bears, plus we'll do the turtle islands while we're there.
The very fact that he won’t even think about breaking the lease because HE thinks they can work it out - tell me you’re not listening without telling me you’re not listening….. Way to double down!
You suffered a lot, and now it is time for you to recover from this and heal.
Stopped celebrating birthdays years ago - life is so much simpler :)
Sometimes the person you're dating has you confused for somebody else.
Going to a counsellow wouldhave bene useless - another instance of him forcing his way onyou. And him refusing to accept the break-up is just more of the same, where it's his way and never yours,and HE's going to decide what you need and want..
You were right to end it. As far as he was concerned, you're nothing but an extension,, what goes for him is supposed to go for you becayse you don't exist separately, how you feel and what you want don't matter.
OMG, This - THIS - -THIS! I’m 30 years in. Have always felt I was just stupid & being a difficult wife. In 30 years my birthday has been acknowledged 4-5 times, & once was just a verbal, “Oh yeah, happy birthday.” After the clerk at the bank told me “Happy Birthday!” & he just happened to be standing there. Let’s not get into anniversaries, Christmas, etc. The excuse is always, “Well I just didn’t think about it, you can’t get mad over something I wasn’t thinking about, you’re taking it wrong.”— So clearly I must have been stupid for believing that’s all I was worth.— Now here’s the twist; a year ago he got a traumatic brain injury. He finally remembered Christmas & my last birthday, but we both had Covid, so it was a non event- but he remembered. So ladies……. 😉 🍳 😵💫 = 👍🏼 Happy Birthday to me!
Uhm okay so her boyfriend doesn't pay attention to what she enjoys. Apparently OP is perfect and the boyfriend doesn't know how lucky he was to have her. Not compatible obviously and she believes she can do better. Can we agree that virtually everyone has a birthday every single year. Once you are past 12 let it go and grow up. Move on. Go play victim with someone else.
These two people have been incompatible from the start. if OP's so angry about the way her boyfriend thinks and acts, she should've left him a long time ago. Cruises are romantic and fun, and most people enjoy them a lot. Renaissance fairs, on the other hand, aren't most men's ideal pastime. Why was OP expecting her boyfriend to be enthusiastic about that kind of activity?
If it's something you dislike and the other person has no other topic of conversation, then you are better off. I've met other couples who have different interests and it worked fine because of mutual respect of boundaries. One of my colleagues goes fishing with his buddies every year, while his wife gets her annual Renaissance Fair weekend away from the family (he gets to happily watch Saturday morning cartoons with the kids).
Load More Replies... Sorry, but did you even read the whole thing? She clearly states multiple times that she talked to him about these things time and time again. And she didn't say she kept a list in her head, she was now making a list and remembered lots of things, that doesn't mean she had already a list in her head, it just means she has memories.
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