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Woman Keeps Excusing Her Behavior With Self-Diagnosed Autism, BF Can’t Take It Anymore
When it comes to our health, the internet can be an extremely useful tool. You can easily search for your symptoms in seconds and put your mind at ease. Don’t worry, that rash is totally normal. And no, that pain does not mean you have cancer. But at the same time, having access to so much information can be confusing.
We might convince ourselves that we have plenty of afflictions without having any real evidence. And when it comes to developmental and neurodevelopmental disorders, people can self-diagnose as much as they want. That’s why this man began to become concerned about his girlfriend. After seeing one video discussing autism, she suddenly decided that she’s on the spectrum, but her partner isn’t quite convinced. Below, you’ll find the full story that he shared on Reddit seeking advice, as well as some of the replies readers left him.
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This man’s girlfriend watched a video about autism and suddenly decided that she’s on the spectrum
Image credits: DC_Studio / envato (not the actual photo)
But he’s concerned about her making claims that she’s autistic without receiving a proper diagnosis
Image credits: DC_Studio / envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: AideRelative4272
Over a quarter of women on the autism spectrum don’t receive a diagnosis until they’re an adult
According to the National Autistic Society in the UK, autism is a “lifelong neurodivergence and disability.” It often causes individuals to feel and react to things differently than neurotypical people, and it can create challenges when socializing or trying to read social cues. Many people on the autism spectrum attempt to mask their discomfort, but this can be exhausting and sometimes even lead to developing a mental illness.
The reason why autism is understood as a spectrum is because each autistic person will have their own unique combination of characteristics, the National Autistic Society explains.
“Autistic people can be very different to each other, with different sets of strengths and challenges,” the experts write. “It is important not to make assumptions about an individual autistic person’s skills, abilities or support needs.”
Now, when it comes to receiving an autism diagnosis, specialists look for certain “core characteristics” in an individual. These include: having unique communication styles, skills, and preferences; having special interests and unique behaviors; and often, being very sensitive to a certain kind of sensory input.
Children often undergo developmental screenings during visits to their pediatrician or in school. But if their parents start to suspect that they might be autistic, they can request an assessment to specifically determine whether or not their child is on the spectrum.
These screenings often involve specialists such as developmental pediatricians, psychologists, psychiatrists, neurologists, occupational therapists, and speech-language pathologists.
Despite the fact that signs of autism usually start appearing when a child is between two and three years old, many people on the spectrum don’t actually receive a proper diagnosis until much later. In fact, the average age to be diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder in the United States is 10.5.
However, women tend to receive diagnoses later than men, often because they’re much better at masking their symptoms. A quarter of women on the spectrum don’t even receive an official diagnosis until the age of 19 or older. Because we now have so much access to information about Autism Spectrum Disorder, and because it can be so difficult to get a proper diagnosis, particularly for women, many people decide to self-diagnose.
Self-diagnosing is controversial, but it’s quite common in the autistic community
Image credits: Andrej Lišakov / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Autistic Psychologist Amy Marschall, PsyD, wrote a piece for Psychology Today breaking down her thoughts on self-diagnosing, and she noted that it’s often accepted by many people in the autistic community. This is because autism evaluations in the U.S. can cost thousands of dollars, and they’re typically not covered by insurance providers. So they’re simply not feasible for everyone.
Meanwhile, it can be incredibly difficult to even get an autism evaluation, as some families wait for years for their child to be tested. At the same time, having a diagnosis in your medical records can be risky. Dr. Marschall notes that this can sometimes open people up to being discriminated against, as some states actually keep registries of autistic residents. And some countries refuse to grant immigration visas to autistic individuals.
But it’s important to remember that just because you relate to autism content online doesn’t mean that you are actually on the spectrum. Forta notes that many conditions, such as ADHD, anxiety, and trauma, can share symptoms with autism. So it’s easy for people who watch a short video on the topic to get confused.
Plus, it’s natural to resonate with a few traits of autism. Plenty of people feel awkward in social situations and have sensory issues. “But [this] doesn’t mean you meet the formal diagnosis criteria outlined in the DSM-5,” Forta writes.
“This is where confirmation bias often kicks in. Once someone suspects they’re autistic, they may focus only on information that supports that belief—and ignore evidence that doesn’t,” they explain. “This can create a feedback loop that leads further away from clarity.”
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this woman’s self-diagnosis is valid? Or should she do some more research? Feel free to weigh in. Then, you can find another Bored Panda article discussing similar themes right here.
Many readers took the man’s side, noting that it’s disrespectful for his girlfriend to make these claims after seeing one video
However, some readers called out the man for failing to believe his girlfriend
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What do you think ?
R Dennis 1 hour ago
I am older and likely on the spectrum. I won't see a therapist because I don't want to spend the money, don't want to potentially be recommended medication, and I don't want anything in my medical records for insurance purposes. But I've only ever discussed it with immediate family, I don't use it as an excuse for actions or behavior, and I certainly am not going to make it the centerpiece of my identity. If she wants to make all these claims, she needs to see a specialist... otherwise she's no different than the people with fake service dogs.
Upstaged75 45 minutes ago
This exactly! She wants to be "special" in some way. Making your medical condition your whole personality is pathetic and sad.
Load More Replies...
Upstaged75 48 minutes ago
Oh for eff's sake - why is it so trendy to have a "diagnosis"?? 🙄 Anyone is more than welcome to take mine. I hate them. (Not autistic. I have MDD and GAD) It's inconvenient and expensive to pay for all the meds. But I'd never be offended if someone told me they're "so depressed". I don't have the right to gatekeep that expression. 🤷♀️ She sounds insufferable and he should find someone normal to date. Although I keep seeing videos lately that describe ADD and now I'm wondering if I have that too - the description sounds just like me. In all likelihood the algorithm is just feeding me things it thinks I want to see. It's easy to get manipulated by social media if you're not particularly smart or self aware.
Ali 53 minutes ago
Back in the 80s I was diagnosed with 'selective autism' because ASD wasn't a thing back then and the phycologist I saw said I sometimes behaved severely autistic while other times I was just a weird child. My mother (quite fairly given the times) decide it wasn't a real thing and ignored it. I was then diagnosed with profound dyslexia, although before long that became fashionable and everyone was at least a little bit dyslexic. Regardless of the borderline a*****e nature of the intense diagnosis of the 80s I endured - I remember a panel of adults asking me rather leading questions about my parents relationship with satan - I learned young I was on my own and survival ment hiding who I was. There are a huge amount of people out there who hit on survival techniques earlier than I did and and there are a huge amount of people who falsely claim ND as it fits their wish to be different narrative and see it as a way to avoid responsibility for anything they have/haven't done. I doubt even
Ali 42 minutes ago
People very close to them can tell the difference. I work in education, please please believe me when I say that while the situation is very different, it is not actually better. Getting diagnosis is rather easy, I definitely see children start to mimic 'classic' traits they read on line as soon as getting tested is on the agenda. Getting understanding is just as awful as it has always been, from the past no one has heard of it - to the present, every one (in education) has been on a course and understands it. The language simply doesn't exist for neuro divergents to explain to neuro typical what is happening. The only rational path when anyone tells you about any ND is to be non judgemental and see if there is practical help you can easily provide.
Load More Replies...
Elio 50 minutes ago
The girlfriend is cringe af. Even if it turns out she's really on the spectrum (doubtful), her behavior is embarrassing. My brother is a cringey person too and his new thing is telling people we both have autism (we don't). I guess bipolar disorder aka one of the things he actually has isn't trendy right now.
R Dennis 1 hour ago
I am older and likely on the spectrum. I won't see a therapist because I don't want to spend the money, don't want to potentially be recommended medication, and I don't want anything in my medical records for insurance purposes. But I've only ever discussed it with immediate family, I don't use it as an excuse for actions or behavior, and I certainly am not going to make it the centerpiece of my identity. If she wants to make all these claims, she needs to see a specialist... otherwise she's no different than the people with fake service dogs.
Upstaged75 45 minutes ago
This exactly! She wants to be "special" in some way. Making your medical condition your whole personality is pathetic and sad.
Load More Replies... Upstaged75 48 minutes ago
Oh for eff's sake - why is it so trendy to have a "diagnosis"?? 🙄 Anyone is more than welcome to take mine. I hate them. (Not autistic. I have MDD and GAD) It's inconvenient and expensive to pay for all the meds. But I'd never be offended if someone told me they're "so depressed". I don't have the right to gatekeep that expression. 🤷♀️ She sounds insufferable and he should find someone normal to date. Although I keep seeing videos lately that describe ADD and now I'm wondering if I have that too - the description sounds just like me. In all likelihood the algorithm is just feeding me things it thinks I want to see. It's easy to get manipulated by social media if you're not particularly smart or self aware.
Ali 53 minutes ago
Back in the 80s I was diagnosed with 'selective autism' because ASD wasn't a thing back then and the phycologist I saw said I sometimes behaved severely autistic while other times I was just a weird child. My mother (quite fairly given the times) decide it wasn't a real thing and ignored it. I was then diagnosed with profound dyslexia, although before long that became fashionable and everyone was at least a little bit dyslexic. Regardless of the borderline a*****e nature of the intense diagnosis of the 80s I endured - I remember a panel of adults asking me rather leading questions about my parents relationship with satan - I learned young I was on my own and survival ment hiding who I was. There are a huge amount of people out there who hit on survival techniques earlier than I did and and there are a huge amount of people who falsely claim ND as it fits their wish to be different narrative and see it as a way to avoid responsibility for anything they have/haven't done. I doubt even
Ali 42 minutes ago
People very close to them can tell the difference. I work in education, please please believe me when I say that while the situation is very different, it is not actually better. Getting diagnosis is rather easy, I definitely see children start to mimic 'classic' traits they read on line as soon as getting tested is on the agenda. Getting understanding is just as awful as it has always been, from the past no one has heard of it - to the present, every one (in education) has been on a course and understands it. The language simply doesn't exist for neuro divergents to explain to neuro typical what is happening. The only rational path when anyone tells you about any ND is to be non judgemental and see if there is practical help you can easily provide.
Load More Replies... Elio 50 minutes ago
The girlfriend is cringe af. Even if it turns out she's really on the spectrum (doubtful), her behavior is embarrassing. My brother is a cringey person too and his new thing is telling people we both have autism (we don't). I guess bipolar disorder aka one of the things he actually has isn't trendy right now.
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