Man Acts Strange During First Date, Woman Thinks He ‘Tested’ Her And Ends It Right Away

OP, it seems like you saw a red flag and responded appropriately.

I don't put my card down on any table. It stays in my hand until they bring me the machine, then I pay and put my card away. No one else needs to see my card. Period.

All the comments criticizing her let's me know they've never met or dated a manipulator before. This is a clear first date warning sign. The "test". The stealing information she asked to keep private. You're more concerned with her looking like an angel to this deviant than her being safe.

I can understand it, esp since she already explained her scary stalker experience. He ignored her consent, regarding his insistence on knowing her full name when she'd already said she wasn't ready to share it yet. What other consent might he have ignored? Glad she venmoed him the cost of her dinner, which was the only classy way to resolve the cost issue. Best bet would have been to refuse to go to such an expensive spot for date #1, and only agree to meet at a less costly location. ALWAYS trust your gut instinct, esp when someone does something that gives you the w*****s. Men looking to impress a gal might want to avoid making her feel like neither her opinion, her feelings nor her consent truly matter to them. This can be a scary world in which to be female, so trying Not to freak us out is the best path to date #2..

The whole check thing sounds like it was just a ploy to get her last name, by getting OP to put down a card with her full name on it. She explicitly said she didn't want to give him her last name, and he blatantly ignored that boundary. That dude is a creep.

$250 per person?! Just the other day I turned down my friend's dinner invite because she wanted to go somewhere with $50~range. Either I need to make more money or have better taste.

I think she is fine. To me it would be weird if someone just grabbed my creditcard and stared at it like that. Would be weird for me to. Then imagining me as a woman, I can understand why she didnt feel that safe anymore.

I wonder what gender all of the ppl being a******s to OP are b/c as a woman... I'd have been put off by that too. If he had already wanted to know my full name n s**t.. n I didn't tell him n then he like.. creepily went out of his way to figure it out.. that would weird me out. I have been stalked before n I have also been on dates with "nice guys" who become psychotic when you turn them down after a date when they think they are entitled to your time, body & affection.... so it's better that you don't share this info on the first date to avoid that "nice guy" BS.... I would have insisted that the waitress take my card though. I never EVER let a man pay on the first couple dates for the sole reason that I do not want men to think I owe them anything which has been my experience more than not.

Its a first date. People are on their best behavior trying to make a good first impression. If they fail this badly on their best behavior, there are about 6 billion other people on this planet that are over 18. Find one of them. Things will not get better if you stay in the relationship.

He was testing you. At least he didn’t pretend to forget his wallet - that’s happened to me and is totally a thing. ( Pro tip - if you are going to pretend to forget your wallet, don’t take it out later to retrieve your parking card) You were right to end things because there would be more ridiculous tests later.

I must be old. I can't imagine going on a date with someone whose name I didn't know. Bizarre. Like shake hands "hello, I'm Helena Handbasket" "why hello, I'm Mike Robrew"

I think I would have asked, "What are you staring at my card? This is awkward and creepy," and then decided what to do from that reply. She should have never mentioned the 500 dollar restaurant for a first date, no matter her reasons. That's also weird.

I don't blame her. Something about this guy was really "off" to the point of being creepy. No. Run away.

I agree that it was creepy for her date to act as if he was going to let her split the bill, then study her credit card to get her name. I read an article about people doing this (reading your name off your credit card) and it was considered a red flag. Venmo him half the money if you want, but he offered to pay and you do not owe him anything. I think it's good that you blocked him.

To me it sounds like he was playfully bantering and teasing. In the sense like "ha gotya!" First of all yes he should have paid the whole bill as he invited you and insisted going to your favorite place. I would have understood you being upset if suddenly it would have been separate checks. Thát would have been a dealbreaker. What i don't understand is that you find it perfectly fine to go out with someone and have yourself a good time and be pampered by eating great with someone you don't trust enough to give your last name. I would not say AITAH, but AIVW, yes you act Very Weird, and blocking and ghosting without any explanation is extremely rude. And the fact that you use internet to seek approval makes it even worse. Bad taste.

Those commenters have obviously never been stalked. I was a bartender too and I've been both stalked and nearly murdered, twice. If you don't want to share your last name, he should have honored that. Absolute BLOCK behavior.

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She had a choice to not go to that restaurant (especially on a first date). She wasn't a prisoner, she could have stood her ground on going to a casual place for a first date. Btw, that last name thing would have irritated me as well.

You should trust your gut when meeting new people.

I would never go to a restaurant with a man I don't trust with my surname.

IDK, I would probably ask him, why he did that. First he wants to splitt the check and like 10 min later he is paying for everythig? He might do that to find out if she is willing to pay for herself (and I think it´s perfectly fine for men to pay just for them on first date) but it´s weird to be like oh, she would pay for her food so now I can be the gentleman and cover the bill. Like, just let her pay without the plot twist. However, if he did it because he wanted to know her name from credit card, that is big red flag. Absolutely not okay to touch someone else´s card, unless it´s your job or you are real close (like my BF sometimes gives me his card to pay for something)

He was dishonest and creepy. He chose not to respect your wishes. It’s not a gold digger move if you were willing to pay your own way. What he did was wrong. This was his choice not yours. You also didn’t block him just because you wanted a date. You blocked him for safety reasons. Always always listen to how you feel.

This could have maybe all been avoided if she had just refused to go to her favorite restaurant on a first date. Being he is a teacher, and they are not paid that well, it almost seems like he felt he had to compete with your ability to go there.

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Sooo reading the original post she writes “and it wasn’t even his little comment of “oh now I finally know your last name”… so this wasn’t the reason she was offended and blocked him. Only afterwards did she take offence to this action when defending herself from people calling her an a*****e

Bottom line is I don't think that anything malicious was going on here. This just seems like strange behavior, misunderstandings, misjudgements and an awkward date. When I was first dating and had money, I used to try to impress with an expensive dinner. Almost always an empty and wasteful gesture. Later in life I realized that, if we were going out to eat, going to a dive with good, cheap eats was a better way to get to know each other. Also, I've never been to a $500 restaurant... some people have some very different values I reckon.

The whole “women only pay when they’re not interested” thing has come up before. I don’t know how anyone gets past any first date without all the mixed messaging that goes on. I would get eaten alive if I was dating in todays climate…🫤

I can't tell you the number of dates that I have been on where the woman has done extensive research on me, from finding my job, my address, all the information on me she possibly can. Each one that has done so has explained that they wanted to make sure that I was really who I said, that I was in law enforcement, that I actually worked for the state, etc. Since I am exactly who I state I am, it is not a big deal for me. However, I can see it from this guys perspective, he wanted a last name to at least be able to do a little research. As far as he knows he doesn't even have a valid first name or age or any real information. It is a concern for those people seeking a real person to interact with and/or date. I worked in law enforcement but wasn't shy about having my name in the phone book. If one is constantly worried about people looking up a name, then perhaps one isn't in a place to begin dating. For myself, if I ask someone on a date, I pay for the date. That is how I was raised.

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I'm sorry, but why go on a date with someone if you don't even trust them knowing your name? Just don't go out with them.

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She sounds paranoid.

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what a stupid story