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“Shut The Hell Up”: 35 Dads Share Birthing Room Experiences And Give Advice To New Parents
Giving birth is one of the most life-changing experiences a woman can go through. But it’s also incredibly tough—physically, mentally, and emotionally.
That’s why many partners choose to be by their side through it all. Still, for those who haven’t been in the delivery room yet, it’s hard to know what to expect. So they turned to Reddit, asking dads who’ve been there to share what it’s really like.
Below, you’ll find their raw, honest, and emotional stories, and if you’ve been through it too, feel free to share your own in the comments.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
If you are a guy that claims that seeing the birth of your child will make it so you "will never see a v****a the same way again", you need to grow the f**k up because you're too immature to be having s*x or children.
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#2
Your woman is going to be 100% occupied with birth so be 100% occupied with your woman. No phone, video games, other b******t. You can endure those hours tending to her and being there for her and not having your needs or focus being upfront.
#3
My wife has the highest pain tolerance/threshold of anyone i have ever known, giving birth to. 10.2lb baby without epidural (the dude was late!), she seriously thought she would die giving birth, it was the most most scariest time of my life, so i cant begin to imagine how scared she was and the pain she was going through.
my point being: you are just a witness to how incredible your wife is.
also, listen to the hospital staff, they do this everyday.
Upstaged75 1 week ago
My brother once called my SIL a wimp because she was complaining about the Covid19 test she was taking. She looked at him with a deadly serious face and said "I gave birth to both of your children naturally without any pain meds. (And she tore really badly with the first one 😫) I have bigger balls than you do". 🤣🤣🤣 I love her SO much! She's the best thing that could have ever happened to my brother.
#4
Take a good hard look at what your wife is going through. Whatever it is you need to go through with taking care of the baby is nothing (nothing) compared to what she did.
#5
My spouse had an emergency C section so I didn't get to see the actual normal birthing process.
What I did get was a wife who was scared to death so I held her hand and talked her through it in the OR. I had her blood and fluids spill out onto my $100 shoes and I got to see a very angry preemie who didn't look impressed at being born early.
I wouldn't change that memory for anything.
Upstaged75 1 week ago
Back when my brother and I were born (both by C-section) men weren't allowed in the OR. My mom was actually asleep with general anesthesia when I was born, but awake for my younger brother with an epidural. The Super Bowl was going on while my mom was having me, so my dad was out watching it with all the other dads. 🙄 I'm glad times have changed. I can't imagine having to give birth alone without my partner!
#6
Be there. Listen, support, do not try to fix anything. No one is there to take care of you, so bring your own stuff. Pillows blankets etc. Follow any order from the Dr. Even if it’s “grab a leg and hold it up”. Make zero sexual comments. None. No one wants to hear your s****y jokes right now.
Tidy yourself up for the pictures. You’ll be thankful later.
#7
Be positive and be supportive. Make sure you know what the mother wants in the very likely event you need to speak on her behalf or make a critical decision.
Spannidandoolar 1 week ago
Make sure you know her birthing plan and preferences but also support and reassure her if things don't go to plan.
#8
My wife wanted natural births, so our first two were at a birthing house with two midwives myself and MIL. The third kid was birthed at home by me (happened so fast midwife didn't make it until after the birth). It blows my mind how weak some guys are when it comes to birth, like wtf, your wife feels like she's fighting for her life to birth your child and you can't stomach being in the room to help? Get yourself together.... I helped coach my wife through all three births, (breathing exercises, making sure she is staying hydrated and snacking, getting her from the bed to the pool, or to the shower etc), and her and I have memories of each babies first cry's and skin to skin time together, we can look each other and remember each moment, good and bad, and those are memories we'll always have together.
#9
My ex did a home birth twice, with a midwife present. I had the honor of being intimately involved in the process and I actually caught my daughters when they were born and I was the one to pass our children to their mother immediately after it happened.
It’s not pretty, but it is certainly intimate being that involved with the birth of your children. I’m so grateful to have been there for that event.
Even thinking about it now, 13 and 15 years later, it brings tears to my eyes.
#10
If you're a "humor is your defense mechanism" type like myself.
Shut the hell up. I almost cracked my wife up during the C-section because the anesthesiologist and I were having a conversation about raccoons.
Upstaged75 1 week ago
I'd be fine with that. I appreciate humor to take my mind off things. As long as its appropriate....
#11
Be prepared for things to go to s**t. Birth is very complex and difficult for humans. Don't expect the worst, but be prepared for it.
#12
It was wild. It was a 46 hour labour, her mom came in crying about not being invited and had to be evicted, I got to hold my wife's hand while a doctor went watch deep in her, and I was there when this screaming bundle of life I'd co- created was birthed into this world. I got to cut the cord. I got to be there while she got stitches, I got to hold her hand and help her to the bathroom.
It's dirty. It's gross. Some wild s**t happens. I was absolutely glad to be there every step of the way and I'd recommend it to any expecting father.
#13
Pack a sandwich. This might sound callous but hear me out. You do not want to miss a second of what is going on. Labor can take hours. From the moment you start your journey to a moment you might have to yourself can be more than 24 hours. You walk away for even a moment and you might miss the whole thing. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your family. Trust me on this one.
Hellcaste's Wife 1 week ago
My husband stayed by my side for all of our eldest's birth, except for stepping away long enough to have a cigarette. Literally 5 mins. That's all it took for me to transition and it was time! They had to page him to come back in. Our best friend swore he never saw my husband move as fast as when he heard that page! DON'T WALK AWAY! LOL He never did it again.
#14
Be ready for p**s, s**t, the water from the womb is hot and you will breath the steam from that, it has moments of high action on top of lots of waiting.
Most important, you’re partner will be very scared (and rightfully so) be brave for her. Don’t tell her not to be scared, or tell her anything, just be brave and calm *for* her
Oh! I also went to a rural hospital and the doctor had me help with simple s**t which honestly was super cool so if you have a doctor that brings it up, I say take that opportunity.
#15
It’s the greatest thing ever. Tbh I don’t know what dad isn’t going into the birthing room. The best thing is you get to control who stays and who doesn’t (at least I did). I didn’t know my MIL was expecting to stay in the room and when she asked me if I needed her to I said no. She didn’t speak to me for 6 months, best gift ever!!!
#16
My partner got induced that we had scheduled out about a month in advance. We did not tell our families which in retrospect was the best selfish decision we have made. I got home from work, we loaded the car and then went and had one last dinner together. It took about 30 hours from when we got to the hospital until things really started moving. As odd as it sounds we were able to spend a lot of intimate time together that alot of people don’t get.
Delivery was the most amazing thing I’ve ever witnessed and the feeling seeing my daughter open her eyes for the first time is unexplainable. It was the most insane rush of love, excitement and fear. We got to spend the next several hours with just us and our daughter before we told our families and they came.
I recommend for everyone to at least talk about the idea of not having family at the hospital. It’s extremely selfish, but especially if it is your first child these are moments you will never get back and being able to enjoy it with just the two of us was very special. We spent the night with just the two of us and our newborn, no talking to people, sharing her, just us. Highly recommended.
Becca not Becky 1 week ago
It's not selfish to not have family present. Family are by invitation-only, not entitlement. If you want them there, great! If you don't, that's also great.
#17
A lot of waiting. Wear comfy clothes. Bring plenty of snacks/water. Bring a book or iPad. Buy the long (10ft) phone chargers. The bed/recliner is really uncomfortable so bring a pillow/blanket if you think you'll need it.
Be prepared to help mom as best and as often as you can. Get her water. Wipe her brow/face if she needs it. Hold her hand. Hold a leg when she goes to push.
#18
You're there for her. It is not about you at this point.
You are there for her support. She may yell, she may swear, she may want to be held, she may not want to be touched. Doesn't matter. You are there for her.
I've got three kids, I was there for all of them, even holding a leg when needed. It is gross, it is amazing. It is wonderful.
Be there for her. Support her and then your child.
But be there for her.
#19
A lot of respect for woman who give birth. Holy s**t dude. It's not a fun experience but worth it for men. You will never look at your woman again the same.
#20
If your wife, gf, spouse is having a C-section. Prepare yourself for the beautiful horror show that is C section birth
I remember looking at one of the docs like *bro is that her spleen in your hand??*.
#21
There is a lot of yelling and cussing. Mom gets a pass to say whatever she wants and that's ok. Mom loses her sense of humor. That's also ok. She won't be able to drink water. You are there to support her no matter what she says or does. It's painful and not fun. Stay up near her head. Let her squeeze your hand till your fingers fall off.
When you see your kid for the first time. Your brain will get chopped in half. Everything will change in an instant. You are now a DAD. Your life as it has been is over. Welcome to your new life.
#22
Super crazy s**t and mine was only 12 hours. Only thing to say, do not deny a pregnant woman that wants you there, no matter the situation. It’s beyond comprehension what the ladies go through to make people.
Other thing, write it all down within 48 hours. Everything you can remember. Otherwise it just disappears in the sleep deprivation insanity.
#23
Have conversations with your spouse about what she wants to do. Some people have it video taped, some just want support, and some may not want you there because some people don't like to be seen in immense pain. This conversation should be slow, honest, and taken very seriously.
For me, I was a firm believer that in general the day/delivery is about her. She's going through the medical procedure and it's her body that's going through all sorts of changes in a short time. But, it immediately turns into an "us" moment the instant we turn into a family and hear those beautiful cries.
For us, on all 3, (solo, and twins), I was there with my wife. C-sections. I stayed behind "the wall" so I could look into my wife's face and support her. I trusted the medical staff to take care and show us the kids once delivered, but should anything go wrong, I wanted to be there for my spouse, and she agreed. No pictures in the room, it was for us and the kids. Pictures/video were before and after the procedure.
For the record, babies do not come out pink and beautiful. Go to the checkups and have the conversation with the Doc about what to expect.
Hold your partner's hand. Share the love and support for each other and see it in each other's eyes.
And have plenty of coffee at home.
Upstaged75 1 week ago (edited)
Who the heck thinks babies come out clean? 🤣 Are they confused about where they're coming out of??
#24
Be mentally prepared to be amazed by the human body. She is giving up her beautiful body to carry on your legacy. Tell her how much you love her over and over.
Dont look at the cookie if you cant stomach the blood and liquids, afterbirth, mess. Former coworker thought he could handle it, looked down there, got dizzy, fell backwards, hit his head on the floor, had a grand mal seizure and was in the hospital a month longer than his wife, who had just given birth to their son. Wife was not happy.
Lastly, be ready to fall in love with a new little person that you helped create. That experience alone is extremely special. Make eye contact, make physical contact, make vocal contact. It’s a life changing experience. Enjoy life creation.
#25
You were happy to be there for the conception, but you don't think you want to be there for the birth, because it's just not s**y?
My husband and I are a team. We made our baby together, we were together in labor, we parent together. If he decided not to show up for the most painful, scariest part of the process because he thought it was gross and unsexy? I may have filed for divorce. Not hyperbole.
#26
I'm so glad I didn't miss it. Was such an amazing experience.
Don't miss it just for fear of blood etc. It's your partner and your child be there for her, she will want support.
#27
Our first had the umbilical cord around his neck, and they figured it out by his heartrate going down when his mom pushed.
From one second to the next there were like three doctors, ten nurses and some random trainee in the room with us, being eerily calm but working furiously to get my little dude out.
10 minutes later, I was holding him in my arms, feeding him from a bottle (mom has a double mastectomy from breast cancer) as the crew was doing stiches on my SO.
He's 10 now, gaming on PC like his old man.
100% recommend. Would not have had it any other way.
And did it again three years later when my daughter was born.
Spannidandoolar 1 week ago (edited)
We had the same issue with my second baby, thankfully it was all fine but there was a moment where the midwife stopped me and said "I need you to understand, if you don't get the baby out on the next push we will have to intervene,do you understand?" I nodded and then (according to my husband) made the most unimaginable sound while pushing out that 9.5lb little person in one push.
#28
I have three kids and I was there for all three. It makes me feel closer to them and I have a good relationship with my wife, their mom, because of it.
Be there. That's the only thing expecting fathers need to hear. "Be there.".
#29
I was pretty old when my son was born and I was a combat medic in the army for a while before that. Basically, I knew it was going to be gross and I also knew it wasn't as gross as comedians make it sound. But at the end I didn't really see anything. I sat next to my wife, held her hand, encouraged her and just was there for her. The doctor and nurses did a pretty good job keeping things covered up and I didn't demand to watch. When my son came they asked if I wanted to cut the cord so I did. Then I went with the nurse who took my baby boy to be cleaned and whatnot and I just stood next to that table-lamp thing he was placed on while they did their thing to him before taking him to my wife. It really wasn't as big a deal as I thought. I think the biggest dilemma I faced was when the nurse took my son to another room and asked if I wanted to go with her or stay with my wife. I opted to stay with my wife. I sort of figured "I 'known her a lot longer so I guess this makes the most sense".
#30
Man up and do it. These men that freak out about it being gross or whatever are ridiculous. Your spouse is going through the craziest s**t you can't even fathom, be there for her. If you don't wanna look, don't look.
#31
Stay focused on your wife and her needs, stay out of the way, and cut the cord when offered.
#32
1) Watch, observe and confirm what you hear with all the medical staff: doctors, nurses and the machines and charts.
2) speak up if something doesn’t look right. Advocate for your wife and babies care. Do it in a polite and factual way “hey, the doctor at night told me that my wife was not supposed to have xyz anymore. Can you confirm if that’s still true?” Or “at her last birth the surgeon said to tell staff the next time she gives birth that this xyz complication happened because it’s most likely going to happen again” or whatever.
3) block and tackle - respect you wife’s wishes on who should be there and when and why. She might not want visitors right after. Make her wishes happen.
#33
It was awesome in the truly biblical sense of the word. You are witnessing new life - your child - being brought forth by the woman you love.
It's messy, noisy, and bloody, but it is real life creation. Do not miss it.
I have three kids and was there for all three births. There was nowhere else I would've wanted to be.
#34
C-sections are f*****g insane things to see. The most distinct memory I have of it is thinking "Wow, so that's what the inside of my wife looks like" followed by "That...seems like way too much blood".
Everything was fine. It's all routine and they did a good job. My kid was okay despite the emergency c-section. But boy did it look like a nightmare in the moment.
All I can say to prepare anyone is just to do your best to show up and be present. Your partner will need you in that moment with them.
#35
I didn't even know not being in the delivery room was an option.
Time to be a man. Coach your girlfriend. She's going to be stressed and scared and in pain. Just keep repeating "good… good…. You're doing good… breath…" in a calm, soothing voice for as many hours or days it takes for baby to show up. That's all.
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Spannidandoolar 1 week ago
I don't think I saw it mentioned so I'll add, bring multiple spare clothes, first thing one of mine did was pee all over his dad!
Steinem Sukker Rumpe 1 week ago (edited)
All telling each other not to be "pansies" whilst simultaneously saying "stay up by the head" A torrent of warnings on not letting man child bordem win out, multiple reminders that the birth is actually about the woman. (And baby) and to feel proud for just even showing up. Oh, and a rewarding experience, realised only after the fact, not before. JFC the bar is so f*****g low.
DrBronxx 1 week ago
I never got to be in the room with my wife when she gave birth. COVID rules. Then she and the baby had to stay in the hospital for 5 days' quarantine. My wife's water broke at around 3am Monday morning. I drove her to the hospital, brought her in, and didn't see her again until Sunday morning. I saw my baby for 3 minutes when she was born, then they took her away. I didn't get to hold her until she was in my house five days later. I would have killed to be in the delivery room. My wife says it was the single most painful experience she's ever experienced, and that is one of the many reasons why we decided that we were a one-and-done family. I just wish I could have been in the delivery room to support my wife. She was alone and in pain, and I was 20 meters away in a waiting room. I couldn't do anything about it, but it's still a massive regret.
Spannidandoolar 1 week ago
I don't think I saw it mentioned so I'll add, bring multiple spare clothes, first thing one of mine did was pee all over his dad!
Steinem Sukker Rumpe 1 week ago (edited)
All telling each other not to be "pansies" whilst simultaneously saying "stay up by the head" A torrent of warnings on not letting man child bordem win out, multiple reminders that the birth is actually about the woman. (And baby) and to feel proud for just even showing up. Oh, and a rewarding experience, realised only after the fact, not before. JFC the bar is so f*****g low.
DrBronxx 1 week ago
I never got to be in the room with my wife when she gave birth. COVID rules. Then she and the baby had to stay in the hospital for 5 days' quarantine. My wife's water broke at around 3am Monday morning. I drove her to the hospital, brought her in, and didn't see her again until Sunday morning. I saw my baby for 3 minutes when she was born, then they took her away. I didn't get to hold her until she was in my house five days later. I would have killed to be in the delivery room. My wife says it was the single most painful experience she's ever experienced, and that is one of the many reasons why we decided that we were a one-and-done family. I just wish I could have been in the delivery room to support my wife. She was alone and in pain, and I was 20 meters away in a waiting room. I couldn't do anything about it, but it's still a massive regret.
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