Therapist Breaks Down How Birth Order Among Siblings May Have Quite An Impact On Their Personalities And A Lot Of People Think It’s Spot-On
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Psychology is such a fascinating science, because you can learn so many new things about yourself: the reasons behind your behavior, your reactions to certain things, or why you prefer some things over others. For example, did you know that the order in which you were born may impact your personality?
TikTok user @risethriverepeat created a TikTok series that went viral describing what personality traits are common for someone who is the youngest, oldest, middle child, and others. A lot of people in the comments were saying that those descriptions were very accurate, so maybe you too can relate.
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TikTok user explains Adler’s birth order theory, which suggests that children can develop different personalities based on which order they were born in
Image credits: risethriverepeat
TikTok user @risethriverepeat’s real name is Tristan Collazo and he is a licensed resident in counselling. On TikTok, he talks about mental health, various disorders, traumas, and other things that are related to psychology.
One of his series really blew up: the first part got 7.8 million views and more than 800k likes. In this series, Tristan talks about Adler’s concept of birth order. The theory was developed by Alfred Adler, an Austrian psychiatrist in the first half of the 20th century. He claimed that birth order affects a child‘s personality and Tristan is explaining what Adler‘s observations were.
Oldest children tend to be the responsible ones, the perfectionists, and the helpers
Image credits: risethriverepeat
Tristan starts this series by explaining what is common to the oldest children in families. Parents have high expectations from their firstborns, but once they have a sibling, they have to adapt to not being the only child anymore. This conditions the oldest children to be perfectionists, people pleasers, authoritative but very helpful and responsible.
To some, this concept might seem outdated, and a curious commentator asked if Adlerian therapy was still practiced. Tristan answered that therapists still use the concepts because it’s still valuable information, just every family and every person is different, so they can’t be applied perfectly.
In another video, he touches on if this theory should be discarded, as there are so many things that go into one’s personality, such as socioeconomic status, gender roles, and social influences, but the therapist firmly believes that it shouldn’t be discarded as it explains some of the tendencies.
The second child has a competitive nature and is always improving their skills
Image credits: risethriverepeat
In the second part, Tristan discussed the second child. They learn how to share quickly and from the start, they have divided parent attention. The older sibling is someone they look up to, although there is also competition and the second child wants to be as good or better than them, which is why they can be better adjusted in life. Like the oldest child, they are people pleasers, but rebellious. They may have a competitive spirit, always learning something new, improving themselves.
Image credits: risethriverepeat
Image credits: risethriverepeat
Middle children can have very varying personalities: from frustrated to cooperative
Image credits: risethriverepeat
As mentioned, the first video in the series got 7.8 million views and the second got nearly 3 million views, so Tristan continued by explaining what personality traits middle children tend to have. The middle child can become resentful or frustrated because they are no longer the youngest. The therapist explains that it’s not easy for a middle child to please parents as much when there is a younger and an older sibling. Also, it’s different if it’s a smaller or a bigger family. Middle children in small families tend to be more frustrated, but in bigger families, they can be more cooperative.
The traits of a middle child aren’t so one-sided: they can feel that the world is unfair, feel like they’re not getting enough love and be impatient; on the other hand, middle children can be even-tempered, adaptable, and able to compromise.
Image credits: risethriverepeat
The youngest children are the babies of the family, but can be competitive
Image credits: risethriverepeat
In his next video in the series, the therapist continues with the personality traits the youngest child in the family tends to have. The youngest child doesn’t have to compete with a younger sibling, which would require a lot of attention from the parents, especially in the first years. They are the ones receiving more attention from the parents as the older children are more independent, so the youngest is always treated like the baby of the family.
They are more likely to be outgoing and attention seeking, but they can feel inferior to their older siblings and feel the need to be competitive. They may behave as the only child and be very dependent on other people.
Image credits: risethriverepeat
Image credits: risethriverepeat
One of the twins can become a leader and the other may have identity issues
Image credits: risethriverepeat
Having a twin must have some sort of an influence on one’s personality, right? Tristan explains that often there is a ‘stronger’ and ‘weaker’ twin. Parents may identify one of the twins as the older one, despite there being nearly no age difference at all. So the younger one may feel the need to compete with the other twin. Also, if one becomes the leader, the other may deal with identity issues.
The only child may have trouble sharing, but appear more mature because they spend more time with adults
Image credits: risethriverepeat
People were really waiting for this one, requesting it in almost every previous video’s comments—the only child. The only child doesn’t have to compete for parents’ attention. They may be hyper-dependent if the parents are overprotective. Because they are the only ones getting everything from their parents, they can have trouble sharing and be more upset when things don’t go their way. But they can appear more mature, because in the family, they interact mostly with their parents and not other children. They can develop a sense of self-entitlement and have more confidence.
The only girl among brothers can become either overly feminine or a tomboy
Image credits: risethriverepeat
People in the comments were pointing out that some of the concepts, for example, middle child, don’t apply to them because they are the only girl or the only boy among children in their family. So in the next video, the therapist goes on to explain that the only sister among brothers may have been overprotected by her brothers. They may have not let her date, because no one seemed good enough. These circumstances can lead to the girl becoming overly feminine or a tomboy.
The only boy among sisters can become the head of the family or embrace their feminine side more
Image credits: risethriverepeat
The opposite circumstances, a brother surrounded by sisters, can lead to two outcomes as well: the boy can become the head of the home or embrace their feminine side more.
It’s more the situation that a person is born into than the order of birth
@risethriverepeatPsychological birth order ##alfredadler ##birthorder ##psychology ##fyp ##mentalheath ##therapy ##therapist ##counseling ♬ empty crown – YAS
Video credits: risethriverepeat
Looking at these descriptions, you can see that it is not just the order in which a person is born that affects them, but the general circumstances. This is what Tristan Collazo says: “This concept states that it’s not merely the order in which you were born, but the situation in which you were born and the way in which you interpret it. There is a lot that is similar for children born in the same home; however, the psychological situation of each child is unique and differs from the others. In other words, no two children are born into the same family. Individuals can identify with more than one birth order category, as all first-born children have been only children, along with middle children having once been the youngest child.”
Many people were saying that they can relate to the descriptions
Have you ever heard of this distinction and different personality traits according to someone’s birth order? Do you find that these descriptions apply to you? Let us know in the comments!
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Far too generalist. Try having a toxic narcissist as an older sibling.
Sympathy... I have a toxic narcissist as a younger sibling. They're not easy to cope with, are they?
Dill: same! Just got called worthless and a dog :) fun times
I'm so sorry you went through that Joonscrab. I see mine as little as possible now and have finally accepted that their opinion of me is wrong. I hope you are surrounded by much better people now. Have a 🤗
I have a younger brother who threatened to kill me with a fork yesterday. He’s 5. Also he’s the favorite child. Plussss I have parents that call me “an ungrateful spoiled f*****g brat” (all I did that day was not straighten my hair Bc I prefer it natural)
oh yeah. I wish he would have explained that one
My older brother literally couldn’t admit that trashing his room twice, stealing thousands of dollars from our dad, and racking up hundreds of parking tickets (on the car our dad bought him) was his fault. Instead, he blamed our mom when he got kicked out in his 20s, and then systematically burned every bridge between him, us, our extended family, and close family friends when they wouldn’t believe his sob story. My older sister is also rather narcissistic as well, but she hasn’t done anything that serious, just acts like the world’s oldest baby. TL DR: I understand, I have two
About the total opposite for my family, I no longer have contact with my elder brother, I prefer it that way,
Mine’s younger. But I feel your pain.
I did have one. Got the scars to prove it. Literally in a few places.
This has no scientific backing, and it is mostly random talk. Truism in a form that is also employed by astrologers. Which person, who is a first child, would not tend to agree that he or she is a "people pleaser"? And if that not, maybe "authoritative"? Do not trust people on TikTok who make wild claims even if they sound true, if they fail to provide an educated bibliography to back up what they say.
It depends what you mean by scientific backing. These ideas are very well-known. They date back fron the early XXth century. Have a look at Alfred Adler, eg. on Wikipedia.
The flat-earth theory is also well-known. Doesn't make it legit. Adler isn't the end-all be-all, either. There are a lot of studies that disprove this, one of them even cited in a recent issue of TIME magazine; others published in the 2010s showed that many of the behaviors were imposed by external expectations, while transnational studies showed no significant effect in adulthood due to birth order, and that some effects were due to the fact that, duh, older kids are always more responsible than toddlers, etc. Essentially, psychology needs categories for people, and Adler (like Kubler Ross in grief) created nice shiny easy boxes with labels. (For ref: SciAm 8 Aug 2019; PNAS 17 Nov 2015 Rohrer et al.; Lamb & Sutton-Smith 1982 Sibling Relationships, with Rohrer being IMO quite the last word on it, from a nerd perspective).
That requires an effort to want to learn, instead of thinking you know everything.
Well, if I make a video where I make claims that should be facts or at least acknowledged theories, I should link to sources in the description. Ideally, these are scientific sources from creditable publishers. Otherwise, I make only claims and whatever I say should be treated as an opinion.
I think this is all far too general - there are so many more things you would need to consider: How many children are their in total and how close or far apart are they age wise? How do the parents behave - like, do they give their children any attention at all? Do they love them? Did they even want (so many) children in the first place? Do they treat all of their children equally or are there favourites? Has the economical situation changed with the arrival of further siblings? At which point did the grandparents die and so on and so on... Not to mention that children already arrive with their own personality in this life, they do not come as "blank pages". If it makes someone feel good and understood if they think they fit into this structure - nice! Otherwise I would rather just stay away from sorting people into categories...
I got an "astrology" vibe from this, too! Make it vague and list enough traits, and people go "that's me!" or "that's my sibling" while ignoring the ones that don't fit. Tell me, what is the cohesive theme in "competitive, peacemakers, people pleasers, rebellious"? Those are polar opposite ideas. :P
I also thought this read like a horoscope. “You’ll be the man of the house, or possibly very feminine.” Nailed it.
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Except that it does have scientific backing. Take a minute to search for scholarly articles on the Alder Birthing Theory. Something I learned in my basic psychology classes. Lord.
At one point it was the accepted psychology theory that women have penis envy... Just because you learnt it in class and it was the current theory then, doesn't mean that it's the ultimate truth.
I never said that it did. I said it has scientific backing. A lot of you have very low reading comprehension skills. Same to you @leo.
@Lori The flat-earth theory is also well-known. Doesn't make it legit. Adler isn't the end-all be-all, either. There are a lot of studies that disprove this, one of them even cited in a recent issue of TIME magazine; others published in the 2010s showed that many of the behaviors were imposed by external expectations, while transnational studies showed no significant effect in adulthood due to birth order, and that some effects were due to the fact that, duh, older kids are always more responsible than toddlers, etc. Essentially, psychology needs categories for people, and Adler (like Kubler Ross in grief) created nice shiny easy boxes with labels. (For ref: SciAm 8 Aug 2019; PNAS 17 Nov 2015 Rohrer et al.; Lamb & Sutton-Smith 1982 Sibling Relationships, with Rohrer being IMO quite the last word on it, from a nerd perspective). (as seen above).
Besides: Do you mean Alfred Adler instead of Alder? I find papers dating back to the 1970s putting these theories into question: https://doi.org/10.2466/pr0.1970.26.2.387 Recent, longitudinal work supports only few effects of birth order on character traits: https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1506451112
It may have, but it is not my task to research it. If I find claims anywher but not RECENT sources cited, I treat them as opinions, not as facts. This has saved me so far from pretty much all of the misinformation that is out there. And saved me a lot of time I would have listened to questionable advice (have it truth or not).
Only child here. Everyone is always so jealous, but it gets lonely sometimes. :(
Very true, all my friends would say how lucky I was being an only child, more attention from parents and more birthday/Christmas presents, but none of them realize how lonely it is. I was a surprise baby my mum had at 41 so there was no chance of any siblings. There's a lot of pressure on being the only child, your the one that has to carry on the family line.
Try being an only child and gay, that was a toughy
Being an only child is hard because my parents expect me to be the smartest and best in school and dance so it is hard sometimes but when I see my friends younger sister I am happy that I am an only child bc she is crazy and annoying (thx for reading :)
As a fellow only child, I agree.
You can have my brother if you want?
If you want I’ll give you my brother. He’s only 5
The reason I play so much video games is too feel a little lonely and bored. I always lived farther away from my friends, so ive always been really lonely.
This comment has been deleted.
Oldest of 7, I can't even begin to imagine what life as an only child would be like.
Who's jealous of only children? As I recall pity was a more common reaction than jealousy.
I think they mean the "Wow, you are so lucky, no one to have to share Christmas gifts with and you get more on your birthday since you are the only one to buy for" type of jealousy...more of a "child envy" at not having to share their things and getting more of those things than a true "jealousy".
Far too generalist. Try having a toxic narcissist as an older sibling.
Sympathy... I have a toxic narcissist as a younger sibling. They're not easy to cope with, are they?
Dill: same! Just got called worthless and a dog :) fun times
I'm so sorry you went through that Joonscrab. I see mine as little as possible now and have finally accepted that their opinion of me is wrong. I hope you are surrounded by much better people now. Have a 🤗
I have a younger brother who threatened to kill me with a fork yesterday. He’s 5. Also he’s the favorite child. Plussss I have parents that call me “an ungrateful spoiled f*****g brat” (all I did that day was not straighten my hair Bc I prefer it natural)
oh yeah. I wish he would have explained that one
My older brother literally couldn’t admit that trashing his room twice, stealing thousands of dollars from our dad, and racking up hundreds of parking tickets (on the car our dad bought him) was his fault. Instead, he blamed our mom when he got kicked out in his 20s, and then systematically burned every bridge between him, us, our extended family, and close family friends when they wouldn’t believe his sob story. My older sister is also rather narcissistic as well, but she hasn’t done anything that serious, just acts like the world’s oldest baby. TL DR: I understand, I have two
About the total opposite for my family, I no longer have contact with my elder brother, I prefer it that way,
Mine’s younger. But I feel your pain.
I did have one. Got the scars to prove it. Literally in a few places.
This has no scientific backing, and it is mostly random talk. Truism in a form that is also employed by astrologers. Which person, who is a first child, would not tend to agree that he or she is a "people pleaser"? And if that not, maybe "authoritative"? Do not trust people on TikTok who make wild claims even if they sound true, if they fail to provide an educated bibliography to back up what they say.
It depends what you mean by scientific backing. These ideas are very well-known. They date back fron the early XXth century. Have a look at Alfred Adler, eg. on Wikipedia.
The flat-earth theory is also well-known. Doesn't make it legit. Adler isn't the end-all be-all, either. There are a lot of studies that disprove this, one of them even cited in a recent issue of TIME magazine; others published in the 2010s showed that many of the behaviors were imposed by external expectations, while transnational studies showed no significant effect in adulthood due to birth order, and that some effects were due to the fact that, duh, older kids are always more responsible than toddlers, etc. Essentially, psychology needs categories for people, and Adler (like Kubler Ross in grief) created nice shiny easy boxes with labels. (For ref: SciAm 8 Aug 2019; PNAS 17 Nov 2015 Rohrer et al.; Lamb & Sutton-Smith 1982 Sibling Relationships, with Rohrer being IMO quite the last word on it, from a nerd perspective).
That requires an effort to want to learn, instead of thinking you know everything.
Well, if I make a video where I make claims that should be facts or at least acknowledged theories, I should link to sources in the description. Ideally, these are scientific sources from creditable publishers. Otherwise, I make only claims and whatever I say should be treated as an opinion.
I think this is all far too general - there are so many more things you would need to consider: How many children are their in total and how close or far apart are they age wise? How do the parents behave - like, do they give their children any attention at all? Do they love them? Did they even want (so many) children in the first place? Do they treat all of their children equally or are there favourites? Has the economical situation changed with the arrival of further siblings? At which point did the grandparents die and so on and so on... Not to mention that children already arrive with their own personality in this life, they do not come as "blank pages". If it makes someone feel good and understood if they think they fit into this structure - nice! Otherwise I would rather just stay away from sorting people into categories...
I got an "astrology" vibe from this, too! Make it vague and list enough traits, and people go "that's me!" or "that's my sibling" while ignoring the ones that don't fit. Tell me, what is the cohesive theme in "competitive, peacemakers, people pleasers, rebellious"? Those are polar opposite ideas. :P
I also thought this read like a horoscope. “You’ll be the man of the house, or possibly very feminine.” Nailed it.
This comment has been deleted.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Except that it does have scientific backing. Take a minute to search for scholarly articles on the Alder Birthing Theory. Something I learned in my basic psychology classes. Lord.
At one point it was the accepted psychology theory that women have penis envy... Just because you learnt it in class and it was the current theory then, doesn't mean that it's the ultimate truth.
I never said that it did. I said it has scientific backing. A lot of you have very low reading comprehension skills. Same to you @leo.
@Lori The flat-earth theory is also well-known. Doesn't make it legit. Adler isn't the end-all be-all, either. There are a lot of studies that disprove this, one of them even cited in a recent issue of TIME magazine; others published in the 2010s showed that many of the behaviors were imposed by external expectations, while transnational studies showed no significant effect in adulthood due to birth order, and that some effects were due to the fact that, duh, older kids are always more responsible than toddlers, etc. Essentially, psychology needs categories for people, and Adler (like Kubler Ross in grief) created nice shiny easy boxes with labels. (For ref: SciAm 8 Aug 2019; PNAS 17 Nov 2015 Rohrer et al.; Lamb & Sutton-Smith 1982 Sibling Relationships, with Rohrer being IMO quite the last word on it, from a nerd perspective). (as seen above).
Besides: Do you mean Alfred Adler instead of Alder? I find papers dating back to the 1970s putting these theories into question: https://doi.org/10.2466/pr0.1970.26.2.387 Recent, longitudinal work supports only few effects of birth order on character traits: https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1506451112
It may have, but it is not my task to research it. If I find claims anywher but not RECENT sources cited, I treat them as opinions, not as facts. This has saved me so far from pretty much all of the misinformation that is out there. And saved me a lot of time I would have listened to questionable advice (have it truth or not).
Only child here. Everyone is always so jealous, but it gets lonely sometimes. :(
Very true, all my friends would say how lucky I was being an only child, more attention from parents and more birthday/Christmas presents, but none of them realize how lonely it is. I was a surprise baby my mum had at 41 so there was no chance of any siblings. There's a lot of pressure on being the only child, your the one that has to carry on the family line.
Try being an only child and gay, that was a toughy
Being an only child is hard because my parents expect me to be the smartest and best in school and dance so it is hard sometimes but when I see my friends younger sister I am happy that I am an only child bc she is crazy and annoying (thx for reading :)
As a fellow only child, I agree.
You can have my brother if you want?
If you want I’ll give you my brother. He’s only 5
The reason I play so much video games is too feel a little lonely and bored. I always lived farther away from my friends, so ive always been really lonely.
This comment has been deleted.
Oldest of 7, I can't even begin to imagine what life as an only child would be like.
Who's jealous of only children? As I recall pity was a more common reaction than jealousy.
I think they mean the "Wow, you are so lucky, no one to have to share Christmas gifts with and you get more on your birthday since you are the only one to buy for" type of jealousy...more of a "child envy" at not having to share their things and getting more of those things than a true "jealousy".