The 516 Most Hilarious Parenting Tweets Of The Year So Far

HAHAHAHA

At least it's original and makes you think lol.

This is actually what I love about little kids. Their minds are not yet corrupted or controlled...

He/She has already figured out the painful truth.

If you pay all the bills and still have money in your account I call it a win.

Maybe for sweet dreams...who knows

Maybe he just wants a brighter future for all. Lick those windows clean young man! Let the son shine trough! You are changing the world!!!

They all tend to be "little assholes". The real issue is how much patience you are willing to endure, before you become an even bigger asshole. ;O

She will do it in front of his friends, obviously (remind that fact, not poop...).

Obviously masochism comes in many different forms, doesn't it? :D

Good, valid point. Send him to law school.

Board games? newfangled nonsense! we played with rocks and dirt! back when the world was all black and white, before i invented colours!

Best. Dad. Ever.

What a great gift it would be :)

Or get her to drink loads of blueberry slushies and her tongue will turn blue! Or at least until she brushes her teeth...

You need to yell "I wonder where she is" every once in a while to make it more believable so that she won't come looking for you.

Me when somebody looks at my stuff, picks it up, is about to drop it

Chip off the old block, eh? :D

Awww

Amen! Now she can get some sleep. :D

Totally understandable

I don't think Kjorn was referring to himself. My kid actually made the same remark out of the blue about his dad in a busy store

I don't understand fidget spinners as something to "help kids focus". In my experience it's just going to distract them.

damn... Ryan Reynolds is the guy to follow on twitter

I can just hear the (in)sincerety in your voice!

Awwww. You've got a budding lawyer on your hands.

You forgot that they also hate breakfast now.

i Wake up naturally now... sadly it's always around 5h30... even on week-ends

Krankwagon, in German. Tell your kid that and they'll laugh, I bet.

I'm 20 and I recently found out that my father kept a giant folder full of my drawings. That's so nice...

If talking gets replaced by a glass with tap water, you will soon realize that she too well understood negotiation.

Excellent customer service!

Fucking kids...reminding me that I'm old.

i confirm!

True.

Like? To my understanding particularly of baby's olfactory capabilities they indeed DO!

Almost sounds like an equivalent version likes on facebook, but on paper.

you forget the socks in your story.

The logic of a child.

That 7-year-old human-kitten is awesome.

I miss sleep..

"mess" would have been the only required reply

Nothing anyone ever says or does to you will make you feel old than a simple remark like this from your kids.

They deserve it.

Don't worry you ARE actually normal...

*Relatives arrive* "OMG WHERE IS IT" Me: *Waving around a cardboard package* "Just in time for dinner! Come in, guys!"

To what God do we sacrifice chocolate donuts? I will never convert to that religion.

Tolkien and the elf civilization would be proud

Lol

Isn't it great to shift perspectives? And I guess it is even better for grandparents: have all the joy with children, but leave when it is getting to messy.

They're free up until you have to buy a pregnancy test and then it explodes from there.

sales job interview: person: it says here you don't have any experiance... you: oh! I should really update that! I have 2 four year olds who are pickey eaters p: you've got the job! chef interview: p: do you have any experence? y: well... I have 3 kids who eat their food and don't complain p: it's a mirical! you've got the job!

Oh, he knows. Many bus drivers are parents. They know the relief of sending their children off to school.

Whiskey for him. Benadryl for the kids. Give yourself some "me time" girl!

If your parents give you the silent treatment, that can be a childhood win.

Ugh, it's like trying to put a crab in a pot... if you were trying to keep the crab alive .. and it refused

And complaints. Lots and lots of complaints.

That's how you know you're doing a freakin awesome job !!!

Good one lol

Chance of running out of things whilst on holidays: 0.1%: dad's stuff, 9.9% mom's stuff, 90% that freaking gizmo little one said he/she did not like anymore.

Fools.

Easier, no. Nice to have your body back? Not pee 10 times at night? Not get bruised from being kicked to crap on the inside? No heart burn? Eat what I want? Walk like something other than a duck? 100%. Man I could go on for a while 😂

My answer would be "go wash your hands".

I can still hear that voice after all these years...

Omg i was laughing so hard lol

It's not a bug, it's a feature.

One of the best!!!

My son refused to eat ham for years because it 'put air' in his mouth. Could never get a definitive answer what that meant. Strangely enough this was never an issue with the new 'cold pork slices' I started putting in his sandwiches XD

When you have kids: beware of silence... they are preparing something.

ouch

Omg that's so relatable...... except I was the kid .

So accurate.

Good one! You need a nanny cam :)

My sister told me to, the day before I got into labor - I love my sis

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Should try taking the Panda ears off

My son at 3: *shouting* Mommy, look! That's the same color as your nipples!" pointing at some (presumably) candy item in the impulse section while I was checking out at Walgreens. The line behind me was varied in age and gender. I wasn't sure whether to avoid eye contact or look them dead in the face and own it.

i lost it long ago... in a galaxy far far away