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“It’s Been 12 Years And It’s Not Failed Me Yet!”: 46 Moms On Their Most Unhinged Parenting Moves
Mothers are more likely than fathers to say that parenting is tiring (47% vs. 34%) and stressful (33% vs. 24%) at least most of the time.
So, in order to learn more about how they cope with the job, the person running the Instagram page Victorious Mamas asked their followers to share the most unhinged sanity hacks they use. “I’m not talking about ‘take a bubble bath’ or ‘drink more water,’” the post explained. “I mean the most feral, desperate thing you’ve ever done to survive motherhood.”
The responses were raw, hilarious, and a reminder that sometimes, “merely” surviving is perfectly enough.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I gave myself a sticker chart for staying calm when the kids kicked off. I earned bars of chocolate and new books.
RELATED:
#2
Never ground your teenager. Tell them you’ll tag along to all their activities instead and join in. Game changer.
southernharmony83 replied:
Grounding my youngest teen wouldn’t work- she never leaves the house (she’s an amazing teen really, reads and crochets) but we often joke if she’s bad we will UNGROUND her and make her stay out of the house with no books or crochet materials.
UKGrandad 4 months ago
One of our daughters started a rebellious phase at school as she hit her teens, nothing serious, just being disruptive in class. After the third or fourth phone call from the school my wife struck a deal with the headmaster. The next day our daughter was not so pleasantly surprised to see her mum walk into the classroom and take a seat at the back. Just half a day was all it took to end that particular phase. Our daughter now threatens to do the same to her sons should the need arise.
#3
I gave Mother’s Day to my ex-mother-in-law. She loves it. It’s her favorite holiday. So she gets my kids. Makes her happy and I get the day to myself. I usually get massage and go to lunch alone.
#4
I used to play “What’s on my butt?” when I was sick and home with the kids alone. This game required me lying down on the couch and closing my eyes while my kids randomly placed items on my backside. I had to guess what each item was. I was a very bad guesser so this game took a long time and I got to rest. I also played “Mom’s in the crypt” which required me lying down on my back on the couch with my eyes closed while they built Legos that had to be magnificent enough to rouse me.
Barbara Wilcock 4 months ago
For relaxation. Ask your kid to write letters or names on your back (with their fingers). Guess the words, and ask again! Get the answer wrong and you get a good 20mins of back scratches
#5
When my kid is in full meltdown mode, I start making random animal sounds in response. Nothing diffuses a tantrum like a sassy cow.
alii_shaa replied:
The art of distraction!! This works for my toddlersaurus too!
#6
I used to eat my treats in coffee mugs so my kids would leave me alone and not try to take them from me because they knew coffee was just for mommy….. so I’d fill that cup with ice cream, Mac n cheese, anything I didn’t want to share.
PeepPeep the duck 4 months ago
I’m childless and wanna ask, do you havvvvve to share everything with them? Is it a guilt trip if you say no to their face? I remember being a toddler and doing the annoying “stare at food you also want that adult has” and making comments like - I like that, I had that before 😂
#7
For the mamas of teens:
I started bringing reusable cooling gel face masks into their room late in the evening and we would each put one on a lay there and just chat. Sometimes I get the best conversations when the guards are down and we are both relaxed. It takes away the stress of the day and lets us both be present.
nomnomborkbork 4 months ago
I found it also helps to not be looking at each other, which this spa experience fosters.
#8
Gave my daughter a pot of body lotion and a paintbrush and let her paint my legs.
bethyhouseman:
My mom used to do this and have me and my siblings “paint” on her back when she was ready for bed and we weren’t. I felt like ✨An Artist✨ at the time. In hindsight, I mostly feel scammed. 😂🤣
#9
I kick my family out of the house on Saturdays. Saturday = Dad day. And I don’t do anything to help him prep. He makes lunches and snacks and decides where to go and they come home at 7 with dinner in hand.
Sometimes I clean the house. Sometimes I sleep all day.
It is *my* day to do with I want.
#10
I expect my kids to figure out what to do when bored. Because if you tell me you're bored I'll find something for you to clean.
#11
I hung up a 2D Santa ornament via a paper clip on the ceiling fan pull chain and told the kids it was a Santa Cam so he could see their behavior. They believed it for years. I’ll never forget the boys fighting and older son yelling “I hope Santa saw how you acted on the camera.” An ornament & a paper clip!
#12
My kids would fight upstairs and I couldn’t tell who started it. I would punish both of them. I got the usual “That’s not fair” from both of them. To make it “fair” , I let each of them choose the punishment for the other but stated “be careful because if it’s a really good punishment, I may use it on you.” I heard less fighting and more working it out because they didn’t know what the consequences from me would be.
#13
Unhinged hack?
I started scheduling my breakdowns. Not kidding! (Don’t judge!)
If I know the week ahead is chaos ..
Double childcare, big project, sleep regression.
I’ll literally block off a 30-min cry session in my calendar. Yup it sounds bonkers (I already know)
Because if I don’t plan for the crash, I end up spiraling during school pickup, or crying into a cold coffee with one boob out.
Some people plan yoga.
I plan emotional triage.
And you know what? It’s bats**t crazy but it works for me.
#14
Sometimes I go into the basement to workout alone. Sometimes I say I’m going to work out and I lay on the floor and eat my secret stash of ice cream alone.
#15
After a career as a first responder and mom for four, the first thing I say out loud to myself or anyone else in the room when I hear screaming is, ‘Oh good, sounds like they have a good airway.’
Keeps things in perspective.
Uncle Panda 4 months ago (edited)
Monitoring sibling's kids by phone, I always went with "Is everybody breathing? Is anybody bleeding? Is anything on fire?" because those are your top three crises in order. Of course, de'niece and de'nephew soon began answering, "♫Everybody'sBreathing♫Nobody'sBleeding♫NothingIsOnFire♫""
#16
Lowered my standards. I stopped folding dishes towels and just dump them in a drawer. I also didn't fold my kids clothes for a long time because she would rummage through them and destroy all the hard work.
#17
My mom mothered until 9pm, 9:01 pm she just peaced out, f**k around and find out.
Loved that for her.
southernharmony83 replied:
I didn’t mother until 7am- my kids quickly knew what time 7am was and to not wake the GREMLIN. Sometimes they would just sit in my bed with an iPad playing games until the 7 came on the clock and I would pretend to be happy to be up and not a gremlin (I wasn’t but 7am was better than 5 or 6am)
Huddo's sister 4 months ago
On the weekends, my stepsister would not let the kids wake her before 9am. This started once they were old enough to pour their own cereal and milk and hey would only be allowed to play in the playroom.
#18
Let them “tattoo” my entire body with a pen while I laid on the couch like a dead fish. I told them I was a magical creature that only wakes up once the art is complete. Bought myself 30 glorious minutes.
#19
Stop folding their clothes just sort em a bit and put em in the drawer. Laundry is done in 5min.
Uncle Panda 4 months ago
I knew that if I waited long enough, the lines for 'crumpled' and 'casual' would eventually merge.
#20
One time I couldn’t find my toddler twins. Finally found them hiding under the dining room table. One had a jar of jelly and the other had a jar of peanut butter. They were feeding each other and clearly already needed a bath at that point. I just backed slowly away, got a cup of coffee, and enjoyed another ten minutes of peace before running a tub and washing them off. It was worth it. I have a photo somewhere, they’re going into 6th grade now.
KatWitch57 4 months ago
Find that photo and store it safely. It'll come in handy as an internet blackmail threat when they reach their teens!
#21
I always tie a retractable dog leash to my sons life jacket when we go to the river lake or ocean ngl it’s saved my daredevil from getting caught up in a current and swept out by rogue waves I’m not advocating for kid leashes but it’s definitely a great safety tip for water days when the little one is in their independence stage of life.
quentariel 4 months ago
Swimming with kids is stressful, even if they are good swimmers (I don't have my own, but my goddaughter loves water). Now I can kinda understand why my grandma insisted on tying huge colorful bows on our heads so we were easier to keep an eye on. So leash is not a bad idea, especially if there are currents.
#22
It's not THAT bad but I secretly hated one plate we had. No good reason just didn't like it. I gave that to the kid who was being a perk that day. They never knew. It was my own secret.
Hubby had it a few times as well.
che.y.ann replied:
I used to do this with a fork to my ex, and then one day I accidentally let slip that I hated that fork and he responded with ‘oh is that why you give it to me when your mad at me’ and then deada*s the next time he was mad at me he gave ME the fork like okay touché sir, touché.
#23
Radical acceptance that clothes will not be put into drawers.
I wash and fold, what happens after that is on them.
Can’t find a shirt. Cool story bro. They were washed, folded and handed to you. If you cannot find it in your room, that’s 100% a YOU problem kid.
Natural consequences that will hopefully lead to them putting stuff where they can find it eventually (or becoming nudists, but at this point, whatever).
#24
I have a late night at work once a week. If ever it doesn't happen, I don't go straight home, I go for a coffee by myself. From September, my late night finishes 25 minutes earlier every week. I have no intention of going straight home. I shall be having a weekly coffee by myself.
#25
Every time my toddler hits me, I imitate the "World's Best Cry" from Intervention. Full volume. It shocks him, and then he comforts me. The hits have been less frequent since I've started doing it.
#26
I bought a car wash membership and I hit that thing every time I was out. Something about putting your car in neutral and being dragged through life for two and a half minutes grounded me. They used recycled water.
#27
I scream with him. He's having a tantrum, and I start a dramatized "aaaaahhhhh" with him. Not at him. I'm in the room. I tilt my head back and I yell at the ceiling. The amount of times it's been a decompression valve when I otherwise would have gotten frustrated is in the double digits. Added bonus, he gets to see mommy in a humanizing way. And he sometimes stops fussing because he's laughing.
#28
We moved from Australia to rural Latin America so we could easily afford a nanny, cook and cleaning lady.
ahhdaniela replied:
It’s funny how people’s perspectives are soo different. We moved from Latin America where we had cleaner, cook, gardener etc to Australia so we could feel safer, have more financial freedom, a better healthcare, etc. We have a cleaner but only every second week and we’ll hire an au pair once the baby is here. Although… if you can make passive money in Australia and live in Latin America you’re done, ready for retirement. Best plan ever.
#29
When my husband has a weekend off (his schedule is rotating) I plan an outing. I don't go on the outing. I stay home and sleep. My husband and kid(s) go on the outing. Sometimes my husband plans the outing. But once or twice a month I get a whole day to myself. I just send them out and tell them to call me when they are heading home.
Lene 3 months ago
I hope the husband enjoys that the wife makes plans on his behalf... or that the wife at least asks him what he wants to do with the kids. I'm not sure I'd enjoy being told what to do with my kids. 🤷♀️ (I know he must be OK with it since he is capable of planning some of the outings. But then, why doesn't he just plan them all?)
#30
I locked myself in my room before. Told my kids "nope. I'm done. I've retired from motherhood." And locked myself in my room. My daughter drew a picture of her and her 2 siblings outside the door crying. They even video called Nana. She texted me asking if I'm alright.
#31
Locked myself outside for 5 minutes while my kid cried because I was gonna snap. Don’t judge me.
#32
A few years ago I started taking a mini-trip a couple times a year. 2 nights in an AirBnB within driving distance, solo. I take a couple of books, scope out a cafe and/or spa, and don’t speak to anyone for 36-48 hours.
#33
As much as I love being a mom & Grammy, sometimes I just want a little quiet (like while I’m driving,) so I play the “Quiet Game: Who can be quiet the longest?” They win a “prize” from my purse - gum, mint, coins, someone’s business card, etc lol.
#34
Going to bed and letting them kids stay up until sleep wins because that means they sleep until midday and my husband and I have quiet, slow mornings together alone. It’s the only way we’re surviving summer with them.
clairebunn replied:
My husband and I went on a Saturday morning date when the kids were sleeping and it was glorious. Bonus, we have them do chores when they wake up and then when we get back we can go out as a family because the chores are done. Win, win, win!
thatgirlmaggie13 replied:
Yessss. I’ve been doing this all summer with my 12-year-old. He stays up gaming with friends and I get peace and quiet till around noon. F*****g amazing!!!
Barbara Wilcock 4 months ago
Don't do this with toddlers. They go late, still wake up at 6am and grouchy as hell
#35
I got sick of hearing Mum 1,000,000 times a day, so when I was getting a bit overwhelmed, I told my son he had to refer to me as Engelbert Humperdinck, or I wouldn't answer. He did it, the little champ. He's 20 now, and still breaks it out sometimes as a joke. Haha.
bibbwvu replied:
My grandma told her kids she changed her name to a word they knew they weren’t allowed to say,
UncleJon_TheMadScientist 4 months ago
Had a neighbor with 3 loud kids under six years old who constantly yelled mom or maaa. I told her she would regret not stopping them. Someone gave her a beautiful parrot and the only thing the d**n bird wil say is mom mom mom maaaa.. the kids are all in school most of the day now and the bird is driving her up the wall... She can't get rid of it because the kids love the bird and she made a promise to never get rid of it
#36
I start a pillow fight whenever they are being little s**t heads. I mean it becomes full blown wwe, throwing cushions kids and pillows up in here. It gets them to let out the energy and let's me take out my frustrations with them in a positive manner. Once we've calmed down we talk about it. But man a good pillow fight is where it's at.
#37
Set open hours. Especially as my disability progressed. My kids learned if my door is open it’s time to crowd. If it’s closed, knock and ask.
Nightmares/bad dreams are an automatic key to open the door.
These days it’s 9am to 9pm. Unless it’s life, limb or eyesight.
#38
Start including the kids in what I do, rather than trying to entertain them for hours. Messy? Sure. But they get to clean too.
I get things done, my brain isn't as overwhelmed, kids are becoming more helpful and I'm actually getting to have fun with them....
#39
I plan our vacations so that we get home the day that I drop them to their dad’s custody weekend - then I get a little 48hour post-holiday holiday, because we know that going back to normal reality sucks!
I get to wash all our stuff and pack everything away in complete peace without having to break up a single argument or have anyone complain about my music choices, and when I finally get back in my own bed there isn’t a kid climbing in it at 3am.
It’s been 12 years and it’s not failed me yet!
Huddo's sister 4 months ago
My mum did this for a couple of years. My little brother didn't go to dad's (because he wasn't trained to care for his disability) so she still had him, but he loved a good lazy post holiday weekend too. They would just listen to audiobooks and stuff.
#40
I used to take a whiffle bat and beat the hell out of my bed when the rage and frustration overcame me. As a single mother of four …it was my outlet. It was either that or drive off a bridge.
#41
When I just can’t cook another breakfast at 8am without having a menty b … I take us to a 9am movie and call it popcorn and candy brunch.
Huddo's sister 4 months ago
I think I would just make them make their own cereal (depending on age I guess) or give them plain bread or something, but that's me. Going out seems like more effort, not less.
#42
I tasked our two older girls to be responsible for setting the table each night,taking turns. Trying to teach responsibility and cooperation. They constantly would still require me to remind them every night. One night I got really annoyed that neither of them set the table again! So I plated up their food on the table ( just theirs) and called out “ Dinner’s on the table”! They ran in, smirking, then saw chicken, mashed potatoes and broccoli at their place with no plate. Messy but fixed the problem.
Harry Gondalf 4 months ago
Mom and Dad both worked, and wanted dinner within a half hour to an hour when they got home. I (M) was 14, my brothers 11 and 9. On weekdays we alternated chores: preparing the meal (except for the main dish, which Mom did), setting the table, and washing dishes. We rotated the jobs every week. We all got to be pretty good cooks (thanks to _The Joy of Cooking_).
#43
I save up restaurant rewards and when I earn enough for a free meal I go by myself to get it. Tell the kids I'm running an errand.
#44
Car parked in the shade. McDonald’s fries, a crispy Coke, and a high-brow literary audiobook that I could never have the brain capacity to read in my house. Heaven.
#45
Told my husband, that next weekend the children, the house and chores was his, and l went away with my sister..
#46
I let the kids get up early and watch TV until we get up. Then they're tired and go to bed at a reasonable hour and my husband and I can have an adult conversation. My daughter gets up at 6 am come hell or high water, no matter how late I let her stay up.
Leekier 4 months ago
I used to do that at weekends.One morning my son woke us with the question “Do you want the good news or the bad news?” “The good news?” “I put the fire out!” The toaster had caught light so he’d covered it with a damp tea towel while his sister has switched the socket off. They’d planned to give me breakfast in be
#47
About once a month, I pull an all-nighter and get s**t done. Laundry, dishes, finishing a crochet project, showering, cleaning out the fridge, etc. In the morning, I am the most calm, pleasant, and PRESENT mom. Sometimes it just builds up so much that I get too restless to really rest, and I get tired of staying up until 3 or 4am trying to catch up on one thing each night and just need a full reset.
#48
Where do I begin?
-Sewing an AirTag into the tongue of my son’s school shoes because they kept losing him
-Allowing him to bumshuffle beside me all the way across Walmart because I pick my battles
-Letting him wear all of his clothes inside out/backwards but also with his dress shoes and tie (because, again, ✨I pick my battles✨)
-Teaching him that pine trees will hold our screams and shake them out later so he would go scream outside at the trees instead of inside …
#49
Programmed Alexa to play Hold On by Wilson Philips every day at 4pm, and named my overwhelm ‘Larry’ so when I get super overwhelmed I just yell out “not now, Larry!” Confuses my toddler out of tantrums and makes me laugh cause why is it named Larry, but it was the first name that popped up when I did it the first time.
#50
1) AirPods - occasional squabbling, and your attempt at resolution clearly fails because they both have testosterone now. Thanks pre-teen puberty x2.
2) Buying Lego sets now that they are old enough to build them independently with instructions or the Lego app. Silence even if they’re in the same room. Great for those days when you’re overstimulated.
3) Taking them to the park and giving them a ball. They used to like me playing with them but now I’m no longer “cool” outside the house.
#51
"Cry barefoot in my car in the parking lot of Walgreens" might be too much but hey, PPD/A awareness! Anyway, I invented a game called sleepy dragon where i lay on the couch, eyes closed, and my kiddo sneaks around and if he isn't sneaky, i wake up and roar. Behold, quiet couch time. (He's outgrown this, sadly)
#52
I pretend I’m pooping just to get time to myself in the bathroom.
#53
I need half day twice every week just to get extra sleep. My husband will handle everything just so I can sleep till noon. Then evening will be his time playing game. Give n take. Rotation shift every Saturday n sunday.
#54
We made the food scream and beg for mercy at dinner to encourage child to eat food on picky nights.
#55
I go into “purge mode” and start throwing s**t away. Like, so. Much. S**t. So you pick it up or it’s gone lol.
#57
It's too tiring to entertain 1 child all the time. So we made another. The moment she could walk, we decided that THAT was the best parenting decision we ever made.
#58
Call the daycare ahead of time and let them know I’ll be outside in my car. Even if they see me; they really don’t see me.
2. Don’t take the kids on errands you don’t have to.
3. Go home and cook for them then order comfort food I don’t have time to cook for myself at least 2-3 times a month.
4. Park or pool maybe even park and pool EVERYDAY WE CAN. As long as weather permits, go outside, stay outside. I have OFF + sunscreen, blanket, speakers in my car.
#59
I read A LOT. It helps me clear my mind and I also got my libido back with smutty books. Boyfriend is NOT complaining.
Francesca Annoni 4 months ago
My older son (9 y.o) loves reading.. I say no to toys but I can't with books.. sometimes he goes in his room and reads for an hour..His little brother is forced to invent a game to play alone, so in silence... So "reading is good even if you are not the one reading"
#60
I THROW AWAY TOYS I GET TIRED OF PICKING UP. And I never feel bad about it.
Francesca Annoni 4 months ago
"Do you still need this, or can I throw it away?" If it's on the floor, you don't need it anymore, right?
#61
Have you tried screaming into a random field and then going on the errand you left the house for? Yeah a lot of us special needs moms do that.
#63
Unlimited screen time.
bethhannahandleojake replied:
"He's been on that tablet too long" and yet neither of us are currently screaming or crying, so do I look like I care? Nope!
#64
I taught my little kids that the toys in the store were just for looking, “not for sale” and that the “ice cream truck” was just a “music truck” it worked for years.
#65
I go to the dollar store and buy a bunch of cheap little toys I know my kid would like. But I build them up in my mind like they’re a PS5, the most epic bday/holiday gift—I can’t wait to give it to him, he’s gonna lose his mind, etc etc.
Then when my kid acts like a s**t and I lose it, I go in secret and take one of the toys and smash it. Throw it in my fireplace.
I get the satisfaction of destroying what could have been an epic a*s gift & my kid has no f****n clue it ever existed.
#66
Going outside with my 3yo and telling them to “go play over there” so I can have a toke without interruption.
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Lene 3 months ago
I let the kids use all the swear words they like -I just teach them when it's appropriate and when it's not. It pretty much boils down to: "you can swear when something is really painful or you are singing heavy metal. You should never saw swearwords to strangers because they may get angry or upset and that would not be good." I strongly believe that if you say that some words are not allowed, then the kids will just use them more.
Lene 3 months ago
Oh, also, when we are shopping and they find some toys they really want, I tell them we can take a photo of the toy and then send it to grandma or auntie and then, if they are lucky, they will get the toy for their birthday or Christmas (whatever comes first). I then proceed to take the photo and I send it to grandma if I think it's a toy my kid will actually play with. If I think it's not really something they will play with/if they just want it because it looks colourful then I just delete the photo later that night and all is forgotten about the toy. This has been so succesful that between my 3 kids (aged 3-8) we've only had 1 temper tantrum in a store. Ever.
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Lene 3 months ago
I let the kids use all the swear words they like -I just teach them when it's appropriate and when it's not. It pretty much boils down to: "you can swear when something is really painful or you are singing heavy metal. You should never saw swearwords to strangers because they may get angry or upset and that would not be good." I strongly believe that if you say that some words are not allowed, then the kids will just use them more.
Lene 3 months ago
Oh, also, when we are shopping and they find some toys they really want, I tell them we can take a photo of the toy and then send it to grandma or auntie and then, if they are lucky, they will get the toy for their birthday or Christmas (whatever comes first). I then proceed to take the photo and I send it to grandma if I think it's a toy my kid will actually play with. If I think it's not really something they will play with/if they just want it because it looks colourful then I just delete the photo later that night and all is forgotten about the toy. This has been so succesful that between my 3 kids (aged 3-8) we've only had 1 temper tantrum in a store. Ever.
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