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Renowned poet William Blake once said, “It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.” Especially when something as profound as betrayal is involved, any form of reconciliation would be out of the question.
A man knew this feeling all too well when his best friend stole his wife from him. As he was about to pick himself up, the person whom he had as the best man at his wedding tried to pull the same treacherous stunt with his current girlfriend.
Worse, the messy situation has left their friend group in shambles as the author tries to figure out what to do next.
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Betrayal is a surefire way to ruin a long-term friendship
Man showing distress and woman comforting him on a couch, illustrating fear of betrayal by best man after ex-wife cheated.
Betrayal affects the brain and body significantly in multiple ways
The author experienced betrayal twice from the same person — someone he once referred to as his best friend, no less. Apart from the trauma he went through, his brain likely suffered from the same psychological injury.
Relationship psychologist and author Dr. Kathy Nickerson detailed what happens to the brain in an article on her website, beginning by explaining how the threat system activates. It then triggers the fight/flight/freeze response, causing a spike in heart rate, tensed muscles, and rapid breathing.
“People often describe feeling shaky, numb, panicked, or like the ground has been ripped out from under them,” Dr. Nickerson wrote, comparing the trauma response to being in a car accident.
Dr. Nickerson further noted that the hippocampus — a.k.a. the region of the brain responsible for memory and learning — goes into overdrive. It records every detail of the betrayal, leading to intrusive memories that reactivate whenever specific cues appear.
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She adds that the hippocampus “struggles to timestamp” such awful memories as a thing of the past, which deceives the person into feeling like the traumatic event is currently happening.
The compounding effect of betrayal manifests in PTSD-like symptoms, which Dr. Nickerson says emerge over time.
“Our research on over 3,000 betrayed partners found that 94% reported post-infidelity stress disorder symptoms,” she added.
Reconciliation between friends after a betrayal can only happen through genuine forgiveness. As licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Patricia Dixon tells Verywell Mind, it involves clearly communicating expectations for the friendship moving forward. The goal is to establish a “foundation of trust and respect.”
However, the author experienced betrayal from the same person twice. Not only did it ruin his marriage, but it may also have caused some trust issues. Moving away from the friend group and distancing himself from Phoebe may be the best option for him, for his own sake.
Readers were more forward with their reactions to the update
ALT text: Text conversation about betrayal involving ex-wife cheating and fears about best man targeting a new girlfriend.
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I can’t stand it when people say “someone stole my wife / husband”. Those people weren’t kidnapped at gunpoint, they willingly chose to get together. The OP piles up all the blame on “Judas” instead of asking himself why he keeps clinging to another woman who clearly has feelings for that guy. Just break up with her and start dating normal women outside of that strange toxic circle.
He definitely neglected her, and he can’t even see that wanting to spend all his weekends with his friends, “but Leah was there too” is not the same as one on one quality time with your partner. But I don’t really believe it. As a veteran, you find some of your best friends through training and military life, there’s no way you’d keep all those friends back home if they’re causing that much drama and issues. Even though a lot of military friendships are transient, you normally still find a bunch of good ones.
For real. And the commenter who said "Treat your women better and no one can take them away from you". Um, no one "takes" someone away from someone else, the partner leaves of their own accord, it's their choice.
For the most part I agree with you. BUT, I have witnessed someone "stolen" a time or two. There are some vicious manipulative people out there and they choose their targets well. Hard to watch it go down. They find a crack and live b**b tf outta someone... Maybe Ive just come across more sociopaths than the average person.
Don't propose if you can't even bring up insecurities. Don't get married if getting in touch with someone from the past is enough to shake your relationship. The world will serve a lot worse in the future and a marriage won't survive in a healthy way if little things make you question the marriage.
I can’t stand it when people say “someone stole my wife / husband”. Those people weren’t kidnapped at gunpoint, they willingly chose to get together. The OP piles up all the blame on “Judas” instead of asking himself why he keeps clinging to another woman who clearly has feelings for that guy. Just break up with her and start dating normal women outside of that strange toxic circle.
He definitely neglected her, and he can’t even see that wanting to spend all his weekends with his friends, “but Leah was there too” is not the same as one on one quality time with your partner. But I don’t really believe it. As a veteran, you find some of your best friends through training and military life, there’s no way you’d keep all those friends back home if they’re causing that much drama and issues. Even though a lot of military friendships are transient, you normally still find a bunch of good ones.
For real. And the commenter who said "Treat your women better and no one can take them away from you". Um, no one "takes" someone away from someone else, the partner leaves of their own accord, it's their choice.
For the most part I agree with you. BUT, I have witnessed someone "stolen" a time or two. There are some vicious manipulative people out there and they choose their targets well. Hard to watch it go down. They find a crack and live b**b tf outta someone... Maybe Ive just come across more sociopaths than the average person.
Don't propose if you can't even bring up insecurities. Don't get married if getting in touch with someone from the past is enough to shake your relationship. The world will serve a lot worse in the future and a marriage won't survive in a healthy way if little things make you question the marriage.
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