11 Y.O. Wonders If Childfree Godmother Who Adopted Her After Parents Died Will End Up Hating Her
Not everyone wants to be a parent, which might seem like shocking news, but it’s the truth. For some, it’s a chosen lifestyle; for others, it can be just how their life turned out. Regardless, it can be difficult for a childfree person to take on a kid suddenly due to unexpected circumstances.
A woman on Reddit shared the difficult circumstances that led her to take in an 11-year-old child even though she was childfree. She provided insight into the complex situation and let people know the steps she took to look after the child.
More info: Reddit
Woman’s best friend and his wife died in an accident, leaving behind their 11-year-old daughter, Amy
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)
The girl had to move in with her grandparents, but they struggled to look after her because of their health
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
The poster and her fiancé, who were previously childfree, decided to take Amy in because they had the money, space, and cared for her a lot even though it was a huge adjustment for them
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
Amy kept trying to be on her best behavior out of the fear of upsetting them or being sent away, but the poster and her fiancé assured her that their love was unconditional
Image credits: u/SeaCan5697
The woman even set up a trust fund for Amy and wanted her to be a bridesmaid at her wedding because of how much Amy resembled the woman’s deceased best friend and his wife
The Original Poster (OP) lost her best friend and his wife in an accident, and through that deep grief, she also had to look after their only daughter. The 11-year-old child, Amy, was initially taken in by her grandparents, but they struggled to look after her due to their advanced ages. The mom’s parents lived out of state and did not want to shift Amy away from the things and places she was used to. Therefore, OP and her fiancé decided to look after the child and give her the utmost love and care.
The only thing that complicated matters was the fact that the poster and her fiancé were childfree. The common misconception is that people who don’t want kids hate them, but that can’t be farther from the truth. According to Amy Blackstone, childfree people consider their relationships with children special because they don’t have kids of their own.
The original poster also clarified this misunderstanding in the comments, saying: “Sometimes, I feel like people think childfree means you hate children, but most of the time, that isn’t the case. I genuinely love kids but I just personally didn’t want to go through raising a child after being parentified as a kid. However, the decision to take Amy in was not difficult for me. I think my best friend knew on some level that while I didn’t want children, I would want to care for and raise Amy for him.”
The woman and her fiancé also went above and beyond to make Amy feel comfortable and part of the family. They kept assuring her that they would not get rid of her and would always be there for her. The poster also ensured that Amy had the right therapist while her partner helped with her schoolwork. OP also mentioned in the comments that they have discussed puberty and what to expect in the coming years. They know they have to try to be as patient as possible with the kid.
They also worked to set up a trust for Amy using the money that her parents left behind and the funds from their insurance policies. The woman and her partner also decided to keep adding money to the trust and save it all for the child’s future.
OP shared more about it in the comments, saying: “We have no plans to touch the money, and a portion of the insurance went to all four of Amy’s grandparents to help with their retirement funds (which is something I know her parents would’ve wanted). While we definitely were not expecting to fund a child, we are very fortunate to be in a position where we can afford to plus some (investments, stocks, very great jobs). It is why we will be able to also supplement the trust ourselves over the years.”
Image credits: Annushka Ahuja (not the actual photo)
Despite the unique situation that the poster and her partner found themselves in, they managed to take it in stride. According to The Conversation, “There are many different types of nonparents: ‘Childfree’ people do not want children; ‘childless’ people want children but can’t have them; ‘not-yet parents’ plan to have children in the future; ‘undecided’ people aren’t sure they will have children; and ‘ambivalent’ people aren’t sure they would have wanted children.” In this case, OP and her significant other had decided not to have children.
Many people feel that the childfree lifestyle is quite uncommon, but apparently, 1 in 5 people don’t want to have children, according to a study by Michigan State University. It’s interesting to note that most childfree adults make the decision to not have children early on in life. According to a survey, 70% made the choice before they turned 30 years old.
Some of the factors influencing women’s decision to go childfree include an increase in university education, economic uncertainty, unaffordable housing, and shifting lifestyles and mindsets. Many people argue that child-free people won’t be satisfied with their lives as they age, but research has found that people who don’t want kids are equally as satisfied with their lives as everyone else.
In this heartbreaking circumstance, the poster and her significant other rose to the demands of the situation. Despite choosing to not have kids, they gracefully took Amy into their homes and figured out how to give her the best life. The post touched a lot of people and got 2.5k upvotes and over 300 comments. People were inspired by the generosity of the couple, and a few shared personal stories of loss. What do you think about this challenging situation? Let us know in the comments.
Commenters were in awe of the grace with which the couple took on a new role as Amy’s caregivers
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Yeah I've never cried at a reddit post before but as soon as I read about them sleeping in bed with her so she didn't feel alone I broke. Damn ninjas.
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Sounds like the best thing in a bad situation. But that is what you sign up for as a godparent. I don't want kids, but I am a godparent, and it's a different category of having a child. A new life vs soneone you know is a big difference. And not just someone you know, someone you love and who needs a home. It's a different calculation altogether. There are a lot of reasons for not wanting kids but none of them would trump the needs of my godchild. This story is just the everyday heroics of what you do for family
A little explanation: I know many people nowadays just see "godparent" as a ceremonial role, like "best man" or "bridesmaid." But the actual meaning of "godparent" is someone who has agreed to assume the role of parent in the eyes of God and (at least in the case of Christianity) to raise the child to be a faithful and moral member of their religion. (UPDATE: I largely mean "to assume the role of parent" to mean if a parent is killed or incapacitated, but there's also a moral obligation to ensure the wellbeing and faithful upbringing of the child even when the birth parents are alive; it's just typically presumed that when the birth parents are alive that the best you can do is simply support them. But sometimes that also means preventing abuse or neglect or simply leaving it to others to teach faithfulness and morality.)
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Sounds like you are doing a good job. All around. Very thoughtful, which helps. One factor I've had pounded into me by my professional child psychologist sister - kids always, under all circumstances - blame themselves for bad things that happen. Way down deep, somehow - they think they caused all the bad. Telling them they didn't can help. Also kids need to know that somebody truly WANTS them. You're on track it looks like.
Yeah I've never cried at a reddit post before but as soon as I read about them sleeping in bed with her so she didn't feel alone I broke. Damn ninjas.
Load More Replies... Sounds like the best thing in a bad situation. But that is what you sign up for as a godparent. I don't want kids, but I am a godparent, and it's a different category of having a child. A new life vs soneone you know is a big difference. And not just someone you know, someone you love and who needs a home. It's a different calculation altogether. There are a lot of reasons for not wanting kids but none of them would trump the needs of my godchild. This story is just the everyday heroics of what you do for family
A little explanation: I know many people nowadays just see "godparent" as a ceremonial role, like "best man" or "bridesmaid." But the actual meaning of "godparent" is someone who has agreed to assume the role of parent in the eyes of God and (at least in the case of Christianity) to raise the child to be a faithful and moral member of their religion. (UPDATE: I largely mean "to assume the role of parent" to mean if a parent is killed or incapacitated, but there's also a moral obligation to ensure the wellbeing and faithful upbringing of the child even when the birth parents are alive; it's just typically presumed that when the birth parents are alive that the best you can do is simply support them. But sometimes that also means preventing abuse or neglect or simply leaving it to others to teach faithfulness and morality.)
Load More Replies... Sounds like you are doing a good job. All around. Very thoughtful, which helps. One factor I've had pounded into me by my professional child psychologist sister - kids always, under all circumstances - blame themselves for bad things that happen. Way down deep, somehow - they think they caused all the bad. Telling them they didn't can help. Also kids need to know that somebody truly WANTS them. You're on track it looks like.
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