Woman Gets Dubbed ‘Ridiculous’ For Not Allowing Roommate To Use Her New Cookware As She Ruined The Old Ones
How wonderful it is that before starting a family life with any significant other, many people start by living together with friends! In fact, this solves lots of problems – after all, every person needs to interact with other people properly. Each of us has our own ideas about home, beauty, life and relationships… literally everything, so in fact, co-living is like a trial family life.
After all, if you do not get along with your spouse, then the divorce process in any case will become a great stress for both ex-partners, both as a psychological and a financial problem. It’s not that friendship is less important than love – it just so happens that we often forgive friends in conflict more than partners. Even completely ugly behavior in the kitchen…
The story we are about to tell you today appeared on the AITA Reddit community at the end of last year, and as of today has almost 900 upvotes and nearly 300 different comments. Not as much, of course, as some representatives of the “family drama” genre, but on the other hand, this conflict could well teach both its participants to get along better with people. Or could not… In any case, let’s talk about everything in order.
More info: Reddit
The author of the post is a student who shares an apartment with her friend
Image credits: Mark Ittleman (not the actual photo)
So, the author of the original post is a 19-year-old student who, after living together on campus with her friend, continued their co-living by renting an apartment together. It’s amazing how different people can be when it comes to home life even at a fairly young age – the Original Poster moved in with her own set of kitchen utensils and her friend had literally nothing, so the OP let her roommate use her own utensils.
Image credits: Elegant_Bullfrog4794
The roommate was allowed to use the author’s pans and pots and she treated them very poorly
Time passed, friends studied, hung out with friends, kept a joint household – and the OP began to notice that her set of quite decent frying pans, pots and plates began to gradually deteriorate. Our heroine had already caught her friend several times scraping the pan with a metal spatula, and sometimes even with a knife. She invariably explained to the hapless cook that doing so was the best way to ruin the pan coating. The roommate just as invariably swore that she would follow these tips, but the next time everything just repeated…
Image credits: Elegant_Bullfrog4794
As a result, the author of the post lost one pan, then another one… gradually the entire set of dishes became a collection of scrap metal, and the roommate still used literally the first item from the shelf for her cooking. One day, the OP noticed her friend slicing up some chicken right in the pan while cooking – basically using the stove as a cutting board. Our heroine could no longer withstand this…
Image credits: Elegant_Bullfrog4794
After the hapless cook ruined nearly the whole set, the author bought another one – and banned her from using it at all
A short dialogue followed, saturated with expressive (and probably not entirely censored) expressions from the Original Poster’s side, and as a result of the fight, the author explicitly forbade her friend to use any of her pans. The guilty one, in turn, stated that her roommate looks really ridiculous, paying too much attention to things that doesn’t matter at all. But the OP was already adamant in her decision.
Image credits: Elegant_Bullfrog4794
A quarrel arose, and the roommate just claimed that the author is being ridiculous
No sooner said than done. The Original Poster bought a new set of pans and pots, and simply locked them up in her own room, depriving the roommate of access and the ability to ruin anything. The friends had another ugly fight, and the next day, when our heroine’s boyfriend came over to visit her, the roommate even put on a whole show by cooking scrambled eggs in a makeshift metal foil frying pan.
Image credits: shawn (not the actual photo)
The boyfriend, however, also thought that the OP was making mountains out of molehills, and said that such a trifle was not worth a quarrel between friends. The author even conducted a small survey among her friends and acquaintances, and opinions were divided. Some fully supported our heroine, others considered the reason for the quarrel ridiculous, and others simply said that she should give her friend her old pans – and let her continue to ruin them!
However, most people in the comments sided with the author, suggesting that she even look for a new roommate
By the way, the people in the comments to the original post, in fact, gave the author way more support than her boyfriend. First, according to some commenters, the Original Poster is being controlling of her stuff because it literally belongs to her. Secondly, her friend, having ruined at least one pan, did nothing to replace it. Thirdly, commenters honestly admit that this is their first time hearing about a person who is such a poor cook that they would cut chicken straight in the pan.
Some commenters were also outraged by the roommate’s statement that the OP’s being ridiculous about how she cares for her own pans. “She needs to grow up and learn to treat others’ belongings with respect,” the person in the comments notes. Moreover, some people even go further, advising the Original Poster to be more careful in choosing her roommates. “She ruined your property. Look for a new roommate ASAP,” one commenter summarizes.
By the way, it is quite possible that the author’s friend would find our selection of kitchen life hacks from different people from all over the world useful. We, in turn, are already looking forward to your comments on this tale, so please feel free to leave them below.
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Share on FacebookOnce nonstick cookware has scratches, the nonstick coating will start to minutely flake and be in the food. Unsafe and toxic to use at that point. Totally NTA. Let her buy her own cheap pan to use.
Teflon itself, made after 2013, no longer uses PTOA in the coating so humans can ingest it. However, PTFE (Teflon) fumes are highly toxic to birds and can kill them if they are in the vicinity.
Load More Replies...She didn't respect you enough to listen. She didn't respect your property AND your BF thinks YTA too? Nope. It doesn't matter what they cost, they're yours. She destroyed them making them toxic to use so you had no choice but to throw them out. Things cost money and actions have consequences. Narcissists always find a way to blame others so boundaries have to be set ... including ditching the boyfriend too. NTA.
You're exactly right! Roommate is a garbage human, intentionally destroying OP'S pots and pans. When you blantonly defy someone's simple and logical requests to take care of their property when using it, it definitely shows that the person has personal issues and possibly a behavioral disorder. The lack of common courtesy and respect for a person that they share a home with and are using OP'S property is is profound. OP is NTA, nor are they petty in any sense of the word. Roommate needed to replace the pans but wouldn't have, they absolutely don't deserve OP to gift them all the pans they disrespected. They need the life lesson of providing their own and learning to care for them. You absolutely don't reward intentional bad behavior. It may be pans today and much more expensive items tomorrow. OP owes them nothing for having their property destroyed.
Load More Replies...There is nothing worse than a person who uses your s**t but doesn't respect it. I bought a brand new Milwaukee drill for myself last Xmas & I was so stoked about it. My old one got stolen & they're expensive. So I saved up to get the bundle with the extra battery & the impact driver with 2 batteries too. Well, my husband (who I told from the jump he was not allowed to use the drill but he could use the impact driver. That's why I got both) but he didn't listen. He used it to hang shelves in our catio & idk wtf he did b it he scratched up the whole Chuck & somehow took a chunk out of where it spins to change the settings... so now you can't spin it to select the drill setting. Idk how the f**k he did it. But he did... I was so pissed! He's so hard on everything. Like, yeah it's a tool. But like.... it wasn't even 10 days old! If anyone is going to f**k up my s**t, it's going to be me! Treat peoples stuff better than you'd treat your own! Or don't use it
Oh my God. That's honestly impressive? Hopefully he replaces it.
Load More Replies...My a*****e husband threw away all of our metal utensils to force me to use the plastic ones. They don't work so well on my cast iron (which he diligently scrubbed with soap and water). God help me.
God must help you, pronto! I'm sort of speechless by your predicament. I am sorry for you. My partner is not allowed into the kitchen for any other activity besides eating. I have applied the theory of "I don't go fiddling around in your project garage so you don't go fiddling around in my kitchen". He tried to roast some nuts once and almost burned down the kitchen so that was the end of his cooking carrier.
Load More Replies...NTA. Just because your friend is adamant about using things that ruin your stuff, doesn't mean you need to help her. If she wants to use metal things, she can. With her OWN utensils, that she can buy with her OWN money. And anyone who thinks you could've left the old ones, needs to realize that they're unsafe and toxic now. Just like they're acting.
NTA. And those suggesting that the OP should have given her disrespectful roommate the cook ware the RM had ruined are wrong. The damaged cookware is dangerous. RM can get her own pots and pans. RM does not respect the OP. Also a red flag with BF, that he may not be mature enough to respect boundaries.
The key phrase here is YOUR pans. Remember that. You are allowed to controll your own things. Also, for that matter, your BF not thinking you are allowed to controll your own things is a HUGE red flag. I'd put him out with the old pans.
I'd probably consider throwing the whole BF away and telling him that he's now responsible for buying the roommate some cookware since he cares so much about her but not OP's property getting literally destroyed to the point it isn't safe to use any longer. This whole environment seems toxic...
Came here to say this: her BF is trash just like the damaged cookware. She didn't have to throw away the damaged set, but to call her "controlling"is a red flag
Load More Replies...Can't believe this roommate pretty much fessed up to damaging them intentionally (using first utensil only, not getting out something safe for the pan) and then others had the audacity to tell op off for withdrawing pan privileges
OP should look for another roommate. A person who disrespects other people's properties will continue to do so. It's not that the roommate is ignorant in how to treat pots and pans properly. The bottom line is that they are not hers. OP is right to lock up her new set, although leaving the old set for the selfish roommate would have been an extra mile of kindness.
Flatmate is purposely ruining op's stuff, op has every right to be pissed
I am LITERALLY at this same point right now... I have seriously considered locking ALL the dishes in my room due to roommates leaving dirty dishes daily and everyone denying responsibility. I'm at my wit's end
Plot twist boyfriend is having sex with the roommate. That is why he is sticking up for her instead of OP.
It's been said by many but I must say it again. These nonstick pans are toxic once damaged and must be disposed of. That had to happen, point, blank, period. Now buying new stuff without forcing the roommate to pay for the destroyed cookware would be a very hard pill for me to swallow and there should be no question as to why my pots and pans are now locked away and off limits. I have had a similar situation with my own kids (age 18, 16, 14) and my chef knives... I eventually put a lock on my own cabinet so they couldn't access certain kitchen tools. I can easily imagine doing that with a disrespectful roommate.
It's a little late, but people teach 3 year olds to use knives appropriately (Asian countries). I was using paring knives at 4 or 5, then chef's knives later. My knives are always the best because full knives are the main course of cuts, and if you cut yourself with a sharp one... You can see your bone and feel only a little bit of pain. Train kids to respect things and that things shouldn't be as disposable as we seem to make things.
Load More Replies...I currently have roommates and keep all my cookware/plates/utensils in my room because otherwise they end up under a mountain of dishes in the sink and I have to wash my stuff, that someone else soiled, before I can use it, and quite frankly even if I had the time it'd still be super annoying. If that makes me weird, I really don't care.
I hope she took her knives away, too. She's using a metal pan as a cutting board. No way the knives stay sharp.
NTA. Your stuff, bottom line. If they don't mean anything let her whine to mommy and daddy to buy her some to destroy. Never trust anyone who doesn't respect you or your stuff.
one thing i never understood in these cases... when people call out the things that are wrong and literally stand their ground, there are these 'friends & family' who are all like no, you should move on. it is wrong. be nice... ya sure, when you do not suffer, it is easy to be a saint. her pans and pots... her rules. she does not owe anything to the roommate esp. since that idiot spoiled her stuff...
Fck those people saying she should have kept the old set. Including her fn boyfriend. She was told numerous times and ignored it deliberately. She's the fn ahôle and should be called out as such. If she wants to ruin cookware, let her buy her own and ruin it. She shouldn't be rewarded with free cookware simply because she ruined somebody's set. I'd lay into her and be telling her off too, whether I was boyfriend or friend. She needs a whole new fn friends circle, and a new boyfriend.
As a home Chef I for one totally agree with the locking up the cookware. Good Teflon is not cheap. Once it's scratched that's it. End if the line. I hate hate hate and dread the day when I go to cook something and realize one of my family members has left a big long scratch in my Teflon. Make the roommate buy their own pans to ruin as they so choose
Nope people say Teflon is toxic...it's not...look it up
Load More Replies...DEAD NTA. DITCH BF. LET STUPID ROOMMATE USE WHATEVER SHE WANTS BUT NOT THE NEW SET. love u
If she can't respect such a small boundary what's next? The bf sounds like a k**b too
You guys sound really young. I'm assuming the roommate truly doesn't know the full magnitude of the actions. I would've left her the old pan set so she'd get it. Nothing teaches like experience.
I'm torn on this one... Nta because she should have respected your items no matter how much they cost and you have the right to set boundaries. However, you threw away the old set n bought you a new one. What would have been the harm in giving them to her instead? You would rather risk a fire from a makeshift pan then letting her have something you are going to throw away?!? I understand all the toxicity stuff too from nonstick cookware being scratched but having been to the point where it was that or nothing I would have used that. I promise aita has turned out to be a lot about money lately take her to dollar tree n buy a cheap pan good lord!!!!
I’ve found myself in approximately the same situation with cookware, except it was with my Mother-In-Law. It was not fun. But something I’m picking up from comments is how many people have zeroed in on how this is a matter of respect: sadly, some people will treat other people’s property poorly. Here’s a thought: what if, instead of cookware, the problem revolved around a car? OP has car, graciously shares use with roommate - who treats the car poorly? I’ve personally dealt with variations on this theme for many, many years, and my major observation is: if a ‘friend’ won’t respect your stuff, then you probably don’t want them in your life.
Tell all those people who said you were wrong to go suck an egg. I am particular about my TFal cookware. If she was too stupid to listen to you ask her not to f*ck up your cookware, she needs to go buy her own s**t to ruin. Tell you friends and boyfriend to buy her some. I would have thrown out the old set as well. I dont reward a*****e behavior. She needs to get the boot.
I don’t blame her , told my daughter to do the same when she was living in apartment worry 2 others inn college . One roommate always used metal utensils even though asked not to cause it was messing up pans , the other one never washed dirty pans or blender . After a few months I told her to move into a place by herself
The comment roomie made that she intends to deliberately use damaging utensils, just whatever she grabs first is terribly telling. For some reason she is very resentful of you. I don't think this is a healthy relationship. Think also about your hubby to be and his reaction to something important to you. Do you want a lifetime of small arguments with him about things that matter to you? By the way, it is well known not to scratch such pans with sharp or mental utensils.
Giving her the old pots and pans would have just taught her to destroy op's stuff to get it for herself. What OP did wrong was not finding a new roommate. No need to keep someone so disrespectful around.
Nta. They’re her possessions. You’re supposed to be possessive of your own possessions. It’s literally in the word. Also, sharing things you bought with your own money (or that were gifted exclusively to you) is not mandatory, so she was well within her rights to throw away the old cookware. The roommate is entitled and the boyfriend cosigning the roommate is a relationship red flag.
I had a roommate like this but didn't confront him. Had a really nice 14inch pan. Left for Christmas. Came back... he must have been cooking and forgot it on the gas stove. He threw it in the washer as is, put it away with burn still caked on it. After scrubbing it down, it was bulged in the center so much, I had to take a hammer to it. Bought a nicer one, and started looking for a new place to live
An ex roommate of mine did all kinds of things like this. She trashed all my cookware and made a scene if I ever asked her to be respectful of my things. I actually came home to one of my pots blackened and burnt with chunks of charcoal in it like it had been on fire for a while. When she moved out she stole a bunch of my clothes and personal belongings, left a huge mess for me and the landlord to clean up, and abandoned our friendship like it was nothing. I agree with everyone saying find a new roommate and quick!
Sounds like you need a new flatmate and a new BF also. FM literally contributed nothing and ruins yours. After specifically being asked to use the nonscratch utensils. And had the gall to tell you straight out she has NO RESPECT for your property.
When I was a student, I had a housemate (to a lesser extent) do this. It's disrespectful and can be expensive. I can see accidentally (if ignorantly) misusing the pans, but once informed, the roomie should have respected the request of the OP. The roommate is saying, "I should be able to do anything I want to your belongings, and you shouldn't have any say in it." Good pots and pans can cost tens to hundreds of dollars each. By the same token, you can find decent or crappy pots and pans at yard sales for $0.50 each. The roomie can go find her own pots and pans to screw up for almost nothing.
Wow so much to worry about today, like global warming and racism and the alphabet stuff...she upset about cooking pots. Smh!
.. unless the cookware is hundreds of dollars in value; pots pans and utensils should be no big deal. Have a problem with the roommate not washing them breaking or losing them. Just being mad because she doesn't use them as properly as you do seems pretty weak. It's definitely not a roommate situation that can last. And if this girl gets married to her boyfriend or some other guy he'll eventually get sick of her little nagging about proper usage of something. The tell tale signs are there. Having said that the other roommate is also irresponsible. If I was using something that belonged to someone else and they were unreasonably sensitive; I'd get my own stuff. This girl seemed like she purposely pushed the envelope for no reason other than she wanted to. #1 you can't cook. #2 you won't buy your own kitchen utensils. That's what takeout is for. Stop trying to do something you can't do and just get your food from somewhere else.
NTA!! Especially given her attitude towards OPs belongings. Plus, I don’t even cook and I know damaged non stick is toxic.
Just lots of ahs here... I think what op should have done.. Bought her new set. Given the old set to her roommate with an altimatum... If you use my new set...you will be looking for a new roommate.. Young and dumb come to mind
but the non stick pans are toxic to use, would've been safer to throw them out
Load More Replies...I would have thrown out any metal cooking utensils; and I would have given the damaged set to the roommate, and kept my nice pans in my locked room.
I have metal utensils and thats pretty much all I use on cast iron, then plastic and such for non-sticks. Her lesson of throwing away is not just initial, but also actually second and third order effect and should create a lifelong lesson instead of "I can keep destroying things because I'll get stuff for free". She'll have to buy her own cookware, she'll keep her habits, she'll destroy the ones she purchased, then when she buys her second set, if she can think... Then she'll think back to when she destroyed OP's cookware.
Load More Replies...Good topic. I've had many bad roommates. Probably why now I live by myself. I've had roomies expect me to cook clean and buy the groceries for them and never offer anything in return, INCLUDING paying their share of the rent on time.
Should have given her the old scratched pans along with an article about the toxicity of using scratched pans. It's really hard when you're a nice person trying to do nice things for people who are not as nice. I lent an expensive pair of sunglasses to who I thought was a friend for a costume party. Next time I see my sunglasses she is tossing them across the counter and they're sliding on the plastic lenses. She thought she was being extra punk. Not cool.
My husband had a similar issue with roommates when he was in his 20s. They would never wash the dishes or clean up after themselves. he got very tired of having to clean the kitchen and wash dishes just so he could make dinner. His solution was to throw away all of the dirty dishes. He then bought himself the pots and pans he needed and place settings for 2. He locked them up in a cabinet and never shared them. They couldn't really complain about the dishes he threw away because he was the one who bought them.
You are certainly no A... but why didn't you leave her your old cookware, so that she could learn from experience why it should not be treated the way she did. It is almost impossible to get anything especially eggs or fish off a damaged Teflon pan.
I'm not sure why so many people were saying "at least you could have been nice and done this thing for her" when she was being a total b***h to you about it in the first place. Why do a favor for someone who is actively damaging your stuff on purpose? (Don't try to tell me she's just forgetting.) I'd be looking for another roommate already.
Nope. NTA. The issue isnt the cookware, its that she has no idea what the F she is doing in the kitchen and should order doordash and be done with it. And more importantly, she has no respect for anyone else's property, and when caught, lies. Move out.
No one likes having their stuff ruined by someone else. It's a serious lack of respect here. NTA. She could have at least made it up by buying equal or better quality than what she ruined. But it doesn't seem like she even offered.
Being controlling and possessive of your own stuff is probably the funniest accusations I've ever heard. How dare you not want other people to ruin your belongings? So selfish.
I would have done the same thing. If she was a good and respectful friend she wouldn’t have acted so carelessly about another friend’s property especially after she alerted her to the fact. I would have bought me a new set and kept them in my room as well. I probably wouldn’t have thrown out the old set, but it was hers and therefore her right to do so. She is clueless and unapologetic about her bad behavior. I think it’s time for a new friend because that one is childish and disrespectful! Time to go!
It's obvious to me that a lot of the is blatantly obvious here that a lot of the people saying that this woman was in the wrong have never had to struggle financially. When you finally get stuff that's your own, not second-hand, that you worked really hard for an obtain, despite society really not wanting you to obtain anything for yourself... I mean jesus people, it's cookware, not a piece of fcking paper. It cost money and if a grown a*s adult can't have the respect for someone else's belongings, then yes they need to be restricted from having access to those belongings. I'm in exactly the same situation with a 50-year-old male roommate. He has destroyed cookware, he keeps my dishes and cutlery in his room riding with food for weeks on end, he absolutely refuses to clean his cat's litter box, which means I have to do it because we have two cats and I don't want either one of them suffering and having to use litter boxes full of waste.
NTA, a nice pot and pan set is expensive and it'll last a long time if you take proper care of them. I would've done the same as you.
I don't understand the throwing out part but I do sympathise with her roomie damaging said cookware . Buy new ones and give her the old set . NTA
I undersand the looking it away thing, but the bf has a point about letting her use the old stuff. I think noone is a total a$$hole, here, but everybody could have behaved better, escpecially the person who refuses to use nonstick cookware like you should. But here is a protip: Do not buy nice cooking or silverware while you still have roommates. Some are ok with treating things nice, but most never had to buy anything in their life, yet, and don't give af.
If I were OP I'd also get a new boyfriend + stop hanging out with anyone who told me I was being petty about MY STUFF THAT I BOUGHT that was being damaged on a daily basis.
As someone who loves to cook and come up with new and different dishes for my families dinners, one good or even a broke college students set of “nice “ cookware should be taken care of the way she asked her roommate to do from day 1. Once the Teflon has a scratch it will flake off and do you really want to think about how much you’ve ingested over young girls who don’t have the common decency to do as your roommate asks when it comes to “ her cookware”. Respect is another issue here. She obviously has no respect for the lender of the cookware otherwise she would’ve done as she was asked. The disrespectful brat would’ve gotten her own set real quick and probably another place to live. If you’re in college that means you’re of age, and act accordingly and not like a spoiled brat that just left moms teet. Sorry not sorry I’m just too blunt lol
Cast iron pans are the answer to this problem. Can not be damaged, can be cleaned anyway you like and then passed down to the next generation.
Once is an accident. Many times is malicious. She needs to get a new roommate *and* a new boyfriend. Let them enjoy their toxic PTFE flaked food together.
You know these people just don't get it. They destroy stuff because it's not theirs and they don't have to replace it. My brother has this condition of stupidity. He gets a car destroys it and crys to everyone when he can't go anywhere. And Begs them for help so he can start the stupid up again and destroy the new stuff. It's an attention thing make her deal with her stupidity by herself. Don't let her make you foot the bill of her bad behavior. She would make you the evil one if you took her stuff and destroyed it. Money is not something you can pick out of a tree. She is basically a mooch.
She did the right thing, since roommate didn't put any effort into at least trying to change and was using her stuff for free, plus didn't replace it after ruining it. Throwing old stuff away probably was good call too, since depending on materials and when it was bought, when scratched, it could be toxic and this roommate sounds like one that would use this opportunity to her benefit, trying to make OP responsible for any bad consequences. And I got nothing against borrowing stuff to people who treat those stuff with respect, but for cases like OPs roommate, I wouldn't borrow her anything due to how she has no respect for anything.
I don't blame you one bit. Some people don't feel like they should use other people's things with care and respect. Why should you have to keep buying cookware for her to ruin. Let her buy her own. Personally, I would have just left the old one out and keep the new one locked up for my own use, but you have every right to do with your property as you wish. NTA at all.
Is bf "best friend" or "boyfriend". Either way "bf" should be supportive.
As someone who has finally learned to say, "No", and will no longer "invite" people to stay even one night in my home, get rid of the roommate. Immediately!! Two of my birds were MURDERED by a former friend/roommate who was negligent and refused to accept responsibility for the event. As well as lying to me, face-to-face.
NTA!!!!! I'm currently going through similar issues with my mother-in-law as she's with us for a long visit. It's stressful. We spent thousands on flying her here, we've spent at least a thousand on gifts for her and food and everything, she hasn't spent a single cent since she's been here and that's fine I don't mind. But then she ruins my things and won't own up to it and cries when confronted. So far she's ruined several wooden utensils, 3 wooden cutting boards, chipped a bowl, chipped my blender jug, stained my bathroom rug and stained a shelf in my bathroom with hair dye, and just other things like she uses every pot and pan in the kitchen when she cooks and then leaves them full of food on the stove instead of putting leftovers in containers and storing in the fridge... She uses onions in everything she cooks and leaves the peels on the FLOOR and never sweeps.. she touches everything without washing her hands so there's smears of food, flour, grease, smoothie on all the cabinets
I'm with the OP on this one. I nagged at my mother when I caught her using metal spoons on my expensive pots and pans. Afterward, I walked through my house and discarded all metal cooking utensils. As a result, the one pot I use to make Macaroni has been scratched to hell. To the point where it's now the pot, I use to water my plants and not cook in. Teflon is easily damaged. Because the original Pots and pans belonged to OP, they could do whatever they wanted with them. I don't think OP was being petty or ridiculous. Take care of things that don't belong to you, especially if you didn't spend money on the item. OP was being nice by sharing when they didn't even have to do that.
OP certainly isn’t wrong for keeping her stuff safe from being misused, but I’d have left the old set for the roommate to use simply because it seems wasteful. But that’s me.
Come on! You've asked her repeatedly not to use utensils that scratch the pans. She needs to grow up. And perhaps she should have paid for your new pans as well.
I've never had a roommate, and this is one of the myriad reasons why. I always but the best that I can afford and take very good care of my things. I would be furious if someone used them and ruined them. Totally NTA. That said, I'd have left her the ruined ones. She can figure out for herself WHY scratching up those pans then using them is dangerous (and beyond inconsiderate). My husband is as thoughtful with our things as I am, so I never worry.
I'm sorry but totally not the a hat here about tossing the old pans and keeping the hood locked up. Roommate could have just asked how to use them. Was actually told how to use them. Maybe she could have offered a cooking lesson on how and why to use them correctly? Naw. That roomie was a selfish inconsiderate piece of work. She should have dug in the trash or goodwill for pans. Bit of foil to cook eggs? That's just being on stage for the bf to walk in an see. If she wanted pans she could have bought her own. Keep the good ones locked up. And get a new place to live or get her out. Document everything if she's getting verbal and hostile to be around over pans too.
Hey, where is the love. She could have given her roommmate the old pans. Unless her goal is to teach her roomate a lesson-- and not just out of spite, it is not a good character.
This is why I don't let people touch my stuff. Don't touch my stuff.
While personally I'd have left the old set for her to each their own. Although the more I turn this over in my head you were right to toss the old set out. If she still had the old set it would simply teach her that she could get something that was "perfectly fine" & she so she would continue to not respect others property. Having to go out purchase her own cookware which she will destroy & have to replace hopefully she'll learn that there are consequences for her actions. You are not TA. You did everything correctly.
Completely on the op side here, but in the interest of peace maybe the op could keet her new pans in her room and buy some super cheap ones, or second hand ones to leave for the Karen roommate. Let her see the difference in the pans as time goes on. By the way scratching the surface up not only ruins the function of the cookware, but it releases all those chemicals into the food during use. What an AH roommate you have.
I literally have my special order 6 inch non-stick All-Clad fry pan in my gun safe because my wife wouldn't stop using a metal spatula with it. They don't even make these any more. I could bury it the yard and she could find it with a metal spatula. You make eggs and you flip them. Gun Safe.
Geez...not only your roommate use your cookware, she also ruins it. With her utter stupidity. And she has audacity to complain now? Also, WTf is going on with that boyfriend?
NTA, pots and pans ain't cheap. I know because I had to replace one of my friend's that I ruined by accident. If roommate can't look after it, she shouldn't be welcomed to use it.
Roommate and BF are out of line.I'd toss the roommate out ASAP and have a serious discussion with the BF.He doesn't get boundaries(his GF's,anyway)and apparently doesn't know that flaking non-stick coating is toxic,either.Boy needs an education.
NTA. You gave her plenty of warnings and asked nicely. But I think this girl was a bit thick. I bet she didn't get the "WHY" part of the whole thing. Obviously you have to explain to the reason as well. When you scratch non stick pans, the coating actually starts to peel off. I think the new coatings are no longer toxic. BUT Do you really want that coming off in your food? And what kind of metal is underneath that coating? That said, I think you should have left the old ones for her to use. She's going to end up ruining your good knives too. Let her use the scratched ones, and you enjoy your new cookware and keep it in your locked bedroom. It's a pain, but it's the only way. She doesn't respect you or your property. Then, the first opportunity you have, dump the roommate.
Agree she should have gave an explanation cause i bet the roommate thought she was just saying it to be a d**k
Load More Replies...That’s a capital offense for sure, the next time she puts hands on ur pots you have full permission to put your foot in her ars
No you arent A-Hole. Same thing happened to me. I hide my new one in my room and left the old ones out. My money and i will only warn you once
My husband wouldn't stop using metal chopsticks/spoons on nonstick pots and pans because he was "careful" as I heard things clanking against the cookware. I got tired of buying new non-stick pans and he refused to use silicone utensils so I threw them all away and replaced them with stainless steel cookware. It's less convenient and I have to use a lot more oil/butter to cook, as well having to soak and scrub them clean. Still better than getting cancer. I don't get how some people find altering a small way of doing something so difficult
I would've let her keep using the old set.....You keep your new set....sounds like she might start a fire....I would be looking to move
Dump te boyfriend. Get a roommate who at least knows that metal on metal is not only bad for the cookware but metal will get in the food and make you sick or possibly kill you...
Why did she have metal utensils if she had nonstick pots & pans? I'm not saying she's the a**h*** I'm just wondering.
Making eggs in a "pan" made out of aluminum foil. Oh, my. I just cannot fathom this level of cooking / kitchen ignorance. The kitchen-incompetent roommate definitely seems as if she was never taught to care for self as a child. I shudder to think what happens when she has to figure out how much detergent to put in washing machine, OR how/where to pour the detergent.
Plot twist you can just throw laundry detergent on the clothes it literally makes no difference whatsoever 90% of the time. And don't use fabric softener it literally leaves wax on your clothes and ruins the inside of washers. Ive worked on them for a long time its disgusting how it builds up
Load More Replies...I'm so disgusted with the roommate 's bad attitude and cooking "techniques" that I would have looked for a new roommate before ordering a new set of cookware! And she thinks you are the petty one?!?
She's not an a*****e for keeping her stuff in her room after she told her roommate about usage. I ended up doing this with my old roommates because they would always use my stuff, never clean up or replace what was used. But I agree with the bf. Throwing them away is stupid. Leave them for her or when you need an extra pan. You admit you're a broke college student, that's when youre supposed to learn to get by with second hand or s****y things. I've never bought new kitchen pans, i go to good will or places like this and get lightly used things. We're a culture of materialism which is a polite way to say wasteful. People get rid of perfectly good things all the time.
NTA, but throwing away the old set was an AH move serving only to hurt the roommate. So overall neutral.
NTA. Let's look at the situation: she ruined your stuff, you won't let her use your stuff anymore, and she throws a hissy fit and embarrasses you in front of your bf. NTA. She should apologize.
Yes my husband wrecks pans all the time so I now have decoy ones for his very occasional use. Some people just don’t care about trying to keep things nice and in good condition.
I say OP NTA, but also say that while locking the new pots and pans in her room is a good move, I personally would have gone ahead and given the old ones to the roommate. Would have then also waited until the lease was up, then link on her FB page about how metal utensils scrape and flake Teflon coatings, and the dangers that poses health wise, and say I had just come across the story
I had a roommate put my cast iron skillet in the dishwasher. It had never been cleaned with anything other than hot water and a little salt, if something stuck, which was rare, because up until the idiot put the pan in the dishwasher, it was perfectly seasoned. It speaks to a lack of respect, when you continually have to ask someone not to destroy your stuff & they keep ignoring you. I mean, if someone will lie about that, what else are they lying about? Or using incorrectly? I'd have given ol' girl directions to the nearest thrift store for her own cookware.
I keep a pot by the hob with wooden utensils so they are always first to hand. I kind of assumed every one did, as now I'm thinking about kitchens I've spent time in, they all have too. Like how you assume cutlery goes in the top draw, and you can go in to a strange kitchen and find everything to make a cup of tea easily without much searching.
You did the right thing to keep your good cookware in your room. Go to a thrift store and get her a small set of used stainless steel cookware and cooking utensils. They will be inexpensive and useful for her level of irresponsibility. Keep your nice things safe in your room. Also it will prevent the flaking off the nonstick coating into the food.
Nope, NTA. She said it doesn't matter, well you asked nicely because it matters to you. End of story, if she isn't going to respect your stuff, make her get her own stuff
If her room isn't being careful with her pots and pans then OP is right lock them up! I had the same problem when I had a roommate she messed up my T-FAL set that my father bought me so I made her replace it and left her with the old set. I also had her replace all of my bowls, and utensils because she took all of my utensils and well as lost all of my silverware so I just made her replace them all and I moved out leaving her with the damaged stuff and I have been on my own ever since. If people can't treat your stuff right then they can buy their own period. No one wants to keep replacing everything because someone else won't treat it right
It's a myth. Myth # 1: Ingested Flakes from Scratched Pans are Harmful Fact: The non-stick coating is generally made of Teflon (PTFE). According to research, PTFE has distinctive characteristics; it is non-reactive, non-toxic, and chemically inert. According to Paul Honigfort, FDA consumer safety officer, “In any rare case when a person ingests flakes of the non-stick coating due to scratches, the flakes will pass out of the body without being absorbed or without having a harmful effect on health.”
Isn't it funny...so many people say the pans become toxic.. I post info from an expert saying not true.. And some pan nazi downvotes.down votes.. Lol...
Load More Replies...Me……I would have smacked the roommate in the head with the ruined cookware before I threw them out. So disrespectful some people can be!
New non-stick has to be nontoxic by law in the US, but hell no, she's not the a-hole.
Is it rude to wonder if SOME of the AITA scenarios are made up by the WRITERS that get PAID for coming up with content? I can imagine a roommate so thoughtless that they kept using anything of their roommates that was not locked up. But hard to imagine someone THEN calling the cookware owner "ridiculous". OR that someone really would WONDER "AITA"! Then AGAIN I might be an "A"!
Im pretty sure half of them are made up for karma
Load More Replies...Once nonstick cookware has scratches, the nonstick coating will start to minutely flake and be in the food. Unsafe and toxic to use at that point. Totally NTA. Let her buy her own cheap pan to use.
Teflon itself, made after 2013, no longer uses PTOA in the coating so humans can ingest it. However, PTFE (Teflon) fumes are highly toxic to birds and can kill them if they are in the vicinity.
Load More Replies...She didn't respect you enough to listen. She didn't respect your property AND your BF thinks YTA too? Nope. It doesn't matter what they cost, they're yours. She destroyed them making them toxic to use so you had no choice but to throw them out. Things cost money and actions have consequences. Narcissists always find a way to blame others so boundaries have to be set ... including ditching the boyfriend too. NTA.
You're exactly right! Roommate is a garbage human, intentionally destroying OP'S pots and pans. When you blantonly defy someone's simple and logical requests to take care of their property when using it, it definitely shows that the person has personal issues and possibly a behavioral disorder. The lack of common courtesy and respect for a person that they share a home with and are using OP'S property is is profound. OP is NTA, nor are they petty in any sense of the word. Roommate needed to replace the pans but wouldn't have, they absolutely don't deserve OP to gift them all the pans they disrespected. They need the life lesson of providing their own and learning to care for them. You absolutely don't reward intentional bad behavior. It may be pans today and much more expensive items tomorrow. OP owes them nothing for having their property destroyed.
Load More Replies...There is nothing worse than a person who uses your s**t but doesn't respect it. I bought a brand new Milwaukee drill for myself last Xmas & I was so stoked about it. My old one got stolen & they're expensive. So I saved up to get the bundle with the extra battery & the impact driver with 2 batteries too. Well, my husband (who I told from the jump he was not allowed to use the drill but he could use the impact driver. That's why I got both) but he didn't listen. He used it to hang shelves in our catio & idk wtf he did b it he scratched up the whole Chuck & somehow took a chunk out of where it spins to change the settings... so now you can't spin it to select the drill setting. Idk how the f**k he did it. But he did... I was so pissed! He's so hard on everything. Like, yeah it's a tool. But like.... it wasn't even 10 days old! If anyone is going to f**k up my s**t, it's going to be me! Treat peoples stuff better than you'd treat your own! Or don't use it
Oh my God. That's honestly impressive? Hopefully he replaces it.
Load More Replies...My a*****e husband threw away all of our metal utensils to force me to use the plastic ones. They don't work so well on my cast iron (which he diligently scrubbed with soap and water). God help me.
God must help you, pronto! I'm sort of speechless by your predicament. I am sorry for you. My partner is not allowed into the kitchen for any other activity besides eating. I have applied the theory of "I don't go fiddling around in your project garage so you don't go fiddling around in my kitchen". He tried to roast some nuts once and almost burned down the kitchen so that was the end of his cooking carrier.
Load More Replies...NTA. Just because your friend is adamant about using things that ruin your stuff, doesn't mean you need to help her. If she wants to use metal things, she can. With her OWN utensils, that she can buy with her OWN money. And anyone who thinks you could've left the old ones, needs to realize that they're unsafe and toxic now. Just like they're acting.
NTA. And those suggesting that the OP should have given her disrespectful roommate the cook ware the RM had ruined are wrong. The damaged cookware is dangerous. RM can get her own pots and pans. RM does not respect the OP. Also a red flag with BF, that he may not be mature enough to respect boundaries.
The key phrase here is YOUR pans. Remember that. You are allowed to controll your own things. Also, for that matter, your BF not thinking you are allowed to controll your own things is a HUGE red flag. I'd put him out with the old pans.
I'd probably consider throwing the whole BF away and telling him that he's now responsible for buying the roommate some cookware since he cares so much about her but not OP's property getting literally destroyed to the point it isn't safe to use any longer. This whole environment seems toxic...
Came here to say this: her BF is trash just like the damaged cookware. She didn't have to throw away the damaged set, but to call her "controlling"is a red flag
Load More Replies...Can't believe this roommate pretty much fessed up to damaging them intentionally (using first utensil only, not getting out something safe for the pan) and then others had the audacity to tell op off for withdrawing pan privileges
OP should look for another roommate. A person who disrespects other people's properties will continue to do so. It's not that the roommate is ignorant in how to treat pots and pans properly. The bottom line is that they are not hers. OP is right to lock up her new set, although leaving the old set for the selfish roommate would have been an extra mile of kindness.
Flatmate is purposely ruining op's stuff, op has every right to be pissed
I am LITERALLY at this same point right now... I have seriously considered locking ALL the dishes in my room due to roommates leaving dirty dishes daily and everyone denying responsibility. I'm at my wit's end
Plot twist boyfriend is having sex with the roommate. That is why he is sticking up for her instead of OP.
It's been said by many but I must say it again. These nonstick pans are toxic once damaged and must be disposed of. That had to happen, point, blank, period. Now buying new stuff without forcing the roommate to pay for the destroyed cookware would be a very hard pill for me to swallow and there should be no question as to why my pots and pans are now locked away and off limits. I have had a similar situation with my own kids (age 18, 16, 14) and my chef knives... I eventually put a lock on my own cabinet so they couldn't access certain kitchen tools. I can easily imagine doing that with a disrespectful roommate.
It's a little late, but people teach 3 year olds to use knives appropriately (Asian countries). I was using paring knives at 4 or 5, then chef's knives later. My knives are always the best because full knives are the main course of cuts, and if you cut yourself with a sharp one... You can see your bone and feel only a little bit of pain. Train kids to respect things and that things shouldn't be as disposable as we seem to make things.
Load More Replies...I currently have roommates and keep all my cookware/plates/utensils in my room because otherwise they end up under a mountain of dishes in the sink and I have to wash my stuff, that someone else soiled, before I can use it, and quite frankly even if I had the time it'd still be super annoying. If that makes me weird, I really don't care.
I hope she took her knives away, too. She's using a metal pan as a cutting board. No way the knives stay sharp.
NTA. Your stuff, bottom line. If they don't mean anything let her whine to mommy and daddy to buy her some to destroy. Never trust anyone who doesn't respect you or your stuff.
one thing i never understood in these cases... when people call out the things that are wrong and literally stand their ground, there are these 'friends & family' who are all like no, you should move on. it is wrong. be nice... ya sure, when you do not suffer, it is easy to be a saint. her pans and pots... her rules. she does not owe anything to the roommate esp. since that idiot spoiled her stuff...
Fck those people saying she should have kept the old set. Including her fn boyfriend. She was told numerous times and ignored it deliberately. She's the fn ahôle and should be called out as such. If she wants to ruin cookware, let her buy her own and ruin it. She shouldn't be rewarded with free cookware simply because she ruined somebody's set. I'd lay into her and be telling her off too, whether I was boyfriend or friend. She needs a whole new fn friends circle, and a new boyfriend.
As a home Chef I for one totally agree with the locking up the cookware. Good Teflon is not cheap. Once it's scratched that's it. End if the line. I hate hate hate and dread the day when I go to cook something and realize one of my family members has left a big long scratch in my Teflon. Make the roommate buy their own pans to ruin as they so choose
Nope people say Teflon is toxic...it's not...look it up
Load More Replies...DEAD NTA. DITCH BF. LET STUPID ROOMMATE USE WHATEVER SHE WANTS BUT NOT THE NEW SET. love u
If she can't respect such a small boundary what's next? The bf sounds like a k**b too
You guys sound really young. I'm assuming the roommate truly doesn't know the full magnitude of the actions. I would've left her the old pan set so she'd get it. Nothing teaches like experience.
I'm torn on this one... Nta because she should have respected your items no matter how much they cost and you have the right to set boundaries. However, you threw away the old set n bought you a new one. What would have been the harm in giving them to her instead? You would rather risk a fire from a makeshift pan then letting her have something you are going to throw away?!? I understand all the toxicity stuff too from nonstick cookware being scratched but having been to the point where it was that or nothing I would have used that. I promise aita has turned out to be a lot about money lately take her to dollar tree n buy a cheap pan good lord!!!!
I’ve found myself in approximately the same situation with cookware, except it was with my Mother-In-Law. It was not fun. But something I’m picking up from comments is how many people have zeroed in on how this is a matter of respect: sadly, some people will treat other people’s property poorly. Here’s a thought: what if, instead of cookware, the problem revolved around a car? OP has car, graciously shares use with roommate - who treats the car poorly? I’ve personally dealt with variations on this theme for many, many years, and my major observation is: if a ‘friend’ won’t respect your stuff, then you probably don’t want them in your life.
Tell all those people who said you were wrong to go suck an egg. I am particular about my TFal cookware. If she was too stupid to listen to you ask her not to f*ck up your cookware, she needs to go buy her own s**t to ruin. Tell you friends and boyfriend to buy her some. I would have thrown out the old set as well. I dont reward a*****e behavior. She needs to get the boot.
I don’t blame her , told my daughter to do the same when she was living in apartment worry 2 others inn college . One roommate always used metal utensils even though asked not to cause it was messing up pans , the other one never washed dirty pans or blender . After a few months I told her to move into a place by herself
The comment roomie made that she intends to deliberately use damaging utensils, just whatever she grabs first is terribly telling. For some reason she is very resentful of you. I don't think this is a healthy relationship. Think also about your hubby to be and his reaction to something important to you. Do you want a lifetime of small arguments with him about things that matter to you? By the way, it is well known not to scratch such pans with sharp or mental utensils.
Giving her the old pots and pans would have just taught her to destroy op's stuff to get it for herself. What OP did wrong was not finding a new roommate. No need to keep someone so disrespectful around.
Nta. They’re her possessions. You’re supposed to be possessive of your own possessions. It’s literally in the word. Also, sharing things you bought with your own money (or that were gifted exclusively to you) is not mandatory, so she was well within her rights to throw away the old cookware. The roommate is entitled and the boyfriend cosigning the roommate is a relationship red flag.
I had a roommate like this but didn't confront him. Had a really nice 14inch pan. Left for Christmas. Came back... he must have been cooking and forgot it on the gas stove. He threw it in the washer as is, put it away with burn still caked on it. After scrubbing it down, it was bulged in the center so much, I had to take a hammer to it. Bought a nicer one, and started looking for a new place to live
An ex roommate of mine did all kinds of things like this. She trashed all my cookware and made a scene if I ever asked her to be respectful of my things. I actually came home to one of my pots blackened and burnt with chunks of charcoal in it like it had been on fire for a while. When she moved out she stole a bunch of my clothes and personal belongings, left a huge mess for me and the landlord to clean up, and abandoned our friendship like it was nothing. I agree with everyone saying find a new roommate and quick!
Sounds like you need a new flatmate and a new BF also. FM literally contributed nothing and ruins yours. After specifically being asked to use the nonscratch utensils. And had the gall to tell you straight out she has NO RESPECT for your property.
When I was a student, I had a housemate (to a lesser extent) do this. It's disrespectful and can be expensive. I can see accidentally (if ignorantly) misusing the pans, but once informed, the roomie should have respected the request of the OP. The roommate is saying, "I should be able to do anything I want to your belongings, and you shouldn't have any say in it." Good pots and pans can cost tens to hundreds of dollars each. By the same token, you can find decent or crappy pots and pans at yard sales for $0.50 each. The roomie can go find her own pots and pans to screw up for almost nothing.
Wow so much to worry about today, like global warming and racism and the alphabet stuff...she upset about cooking pots. Smh!
.. unless the cookware is hundreds of dollars in value; pots pans and utensils should be no big deal. Have a problem with the roommate not washing them breaking or losing them. Just being mad because she doesn't use them as properly as you do seems pretty weak. It's definitely not a roommate situation that can last. And if this girl gets married to her boyfriend or some other guy he'll eventually get sick of her little nagging about proper usage of something. The tell tale signs are there. Having said that the other roommate is also irresponsible. If I was using something that belonged to someone else and they were unreasonably sensitive; I'd get my own stuff. This girl seemed like she purposely pushed the envelope for no reason other than she wanted to. #1 you can't cook. #2 you won't buy your own kitchen utensils. That's what takeout is for. Stop trying to do something you can't do and just get your food from somewhere else.
NTA!! Especially given her attitude towards OPs belongings. Plus, I don’t even cook and I know damaged non stick is toxic.
Just lots of ahs here... I think what op should have done.. Bought her new set. Given the old set to her roommate with an altimatum... If you use my new set...you will be looking for a new roommate.. Young and dumb come to mind
but the non stick pans are toxic to use, would've been safer to throw them out
Load More Replies...I would have thrown out any metal cooking utensils; and I would have given the damaged set to the roommate, and kept my nice pans in my locked room.
I have metal utensils and thats pretty much all I use on cast iron, then plastic and such for non-sticks. Her lesson of throwing away is not just initial, but also actually second and third order effect and should create a lifelong lesson instead of "I can keep destroying things because I'll get stuff for free". She'll have to buy her own cookware, she'll keep her habits, she'll destroy the ones she purchased, then when she buys her second set, if she can think... Then she'll think back to when she destroyed OP's cookware.
Load More Replies...Good topic. I've had many bad roommates. Probably why now I live by myself. I've had roomies expect me to cook clean and buy the groceries for them and never offer anything in return, INCLUDING paying their share of the rent on time.
Should have given her the old scratched pans along with an article about the toxicity of using scratched pans. It's really hard when you're a nice person trying to do nice things for people who are not as nice. I lent an expensive pair of sunglasses to who I thought was a friend for a costume party. Next time I see my sunglasses she is tossing them across the counter and they're sliding on the plastic lenses. She thought she was being extra punk. Not cool.
My husband had a similar issue with roommates when he was in his 20s. They would never wash the dishes or clean up after themselves. he got very tired of having to clean the kitchen and wash dishes just so he could make dinner. His solution was to throw away all of the dirty dishes. He then bought himself the pots and pans he needed and place settings for 2. He locked them up in a cabinet and never shared them. They couldn't really complain about the dishes he threw away because he was the one who bought them.
You are certainly no A... but why didn't you leave her your old cookware, so that she could learn from experience why it should not be treated the way she did. It is almost impossible to get anything especially eggs or fish off a damaged Teflon pan.
I'm not sure why so many people were saying "at least you could have been nice and done this thing for her" when she was being a total b***h to you about it in the first place. Why do a favor for someone who is actively damaging your stuff on purpose? (Don't try to tell me she's just forgetting.) I'd be looking for another roommate already.
Nope. NTA. The issue isnt the cookware, its that she has no idea what the F she is doing in the kitchen and should order doordash and be done with it. And more importantly, she has no respect for anyone else's property, and when caught, lies. Move out.
No one likes having their stuff ruined by someone else. It's a serious lack of respect here. NTA. She could have at least made it up by buying equal or better quality than what she ruined. But it doesn't seem like she even offered.
Being controlling and possessive of your own stuff is probably the funniest accusations I've ever heard. How dare you not want other people to ruin your belongings? So selfish.
I would have done the same thing. If she was a good and respectful friend she wouldn’t have acted so carelessly about another friend’s property especially after she alerted her to the fact. I would have bought me a new set and kept them in my room as well. I probably wouldn’t have thrown out the old set, but it was hers and therefore her right to do so. She is clueless and unapologetic about her bad behavior. I think it’s time for a new friend because that one is childish and disrespectful! Time to go!
It's obvious to me that a lot of the is blatantly obvious here that a lot of the people saying that this woman was in the wrong have never had to struggle financially. When you finally get stuff that's your own, not second-hand, that you worked really hard for an obtain, despite society really not wanting you to obtain anything for yourself... I mean jesus people, it's cookware, not a piece of fcking paper. It cost money and if a grown a*s adult can't have the respect for someone else's belongings, then yes they need to be restricted from having access to those belongings. I'm in exactly the same situation with a 50-year-old male roommate. He has destroyed cookware, he keeps my dishes and cutlery in his room riding with food for weeks on end, he absolutely refuses to clean his cat's litter box, which means I have to do it because we have two cats and I don't want either one of them suffering and having to use litter boxes full of waste.
NTA, a nice pot and pan set is expensive and it'll last a long time if you take proper care of them. I would've done the same as you.
I don't understand the throwing out part but I do sympathise with her roomie damaging said cookware . Buy new ones and give her the old set . NTA
I undersand the looking it away thing, but the bf has a point about letting her use the old stuff. I think noone is a total a$$hole, here, but everybody could have behaved better, escpecially the person who refuses to use nonstick cookware like you should. But here is a protip: Do not buy nice cooking or silverware while you still have roommates. Some are ok with treating things nice, but most never had to buy anything in their life, yet, and don't give af.
If I were OP I'd also get a new boyfriend + stop hanging out with anyone who told me I was being petty about MY STUFF THAT I BOUGHT that was being damaged on a daily basis.
As someone who loves to cook and come up with new and different dishes for my families dinners, one good or even a broke college students set of “nice “ cookware should be taken care of the way she asked her roommate to do from day 1. Once the Teflon has a scratch it will flake off and do you really want to think about how much you’ve ingested over young girls who don’t have the common decency to do as your roommate asks when it comes to “ her cookware”. Respect is another issue here. She obviously has no respect for the lender of the cookware otherwise she would’ve done as she was asked. The disrespectful brat would’ve gotten her own set real quick and probably another place to live. If you’re in college that means you’re of age, and act accordingly and not like a spoiled brat that just left moms teet. Sorry not sorry I’m just too blunt lol
Cast iron pans are the answer to this problem. Can not be damaged, can be cleaned anyway you like and then passed down to the next generation.
Once is an accident. Many times is malicious. She needs to get a new roommate *and* a new boyfriend. Let them enjoy their toxic PTFE flaked food together.
You know these people just don't get it. They destroy stuff because it's not theirs and they don't have to replace it. My brother has this condition of stupidity. He gets a car destroys it and crys to everyone when he can't go anywhere. And Begs them for help so he can start the stupid up again and destroy the new stuff. It's an attention thing make her deal with her stupidity by herself. Don't let her make you foot the bill of her bad behavior. She would make you the evil one if you took her stuff and destroyed it. Money is not something you can pick out of a tree. She is basically a mooch.
She did the right thing, since roommate didn't put any effort into at least trying to change and was using her stuff for free, plus didn't replace it after ruining it. Throwing old stuff away probably was good call too, since depending on materials and when it was bought, when scratched, it could be toxic and this roommate sounds like one that would use this opportunity to her benefit, trying to make OP responsible for any bad consequences. And I got nothing against borrowing stuff to people who treat those stuff with respect, but for cases like OPs roommate, I wouldn't borrow her anything due to how she has no respect for anything.
I don't blame you one bit. Some people don't feel like they should use other people's things with care and respect. Why should you have to keep buying cookware for her to ruin. Let her buy her own. Personally, I would have just left the old one out and keep the new one locked up for my own use, but you have every right to do with your property as you wish. NTA at all.
Is bf "best friend" or "boyfriend". Either way "bf" should be supportive.
As someone who has finally learned to say, "No", and will no longer "invite" people to stay even one night in my home, get rid of the roommate. Immediately!! Two of my birds were MURDERED by a former friend/roommate who was negligent and refused to accept responsibility for the event. As well as lying to me, face-to-face.
NTA!!!!! I'm currently going through similar issues with my mother-in-law as she's with us for a long visit. It's stressful. We spent thousands on flying her here, we've spent at least a thousand on gifts for her and food and everything, she hasn't spent a single cent since she's been here and that's fine I don't mind. But then she ruins my things and won't own up to it and cries when confronted. So far she's ruined several wooden utensils, 3 wooden cutting boards, chipped a bowl, chipped my blender jug, stained my bathroom rug and stained a shelf in my bathroom with hair dye, and just other things like she uses every pot and pan in the kitchen when she cooks and then leaves them full of food on the stove instead of putting leftovers in containers and storing in the fridge... She uses onions in everything she cooks and leaves the peels on the FLOOR and never sweeps.. she touches everything without washing her hands so there's smears of food, flour, grease, smoothie on all the cabinets
I'm with the OP on this one. I nagged at my mother when I caught her using metal spoons on my expensive pots and pans. Afterward, I walked through my house and discarded all metal cooking utensils. As a result, the one pot I use to make Macaroni has been scratched to hell. To the point where it's now the pot, I use to water my plants and not cook in. Teflon is easily damaged. Because the original Pots and pans belonged to OP, they could do whatever they wanted with them. I don't think OP was being petty or ridiculous. Take care of things that don't belong to you, especially if you didn't spend money on the item. OP was being nice by sharing when they didn't even have to do that.
OP certainly isn’t wrong for keeping her stuff safe from being misused, but I’d have left the old set for the roommate to use simply because it seems wasteful. But that’s me.
Come on! You've asked her repeatedly not to use utensils that scratch the pans. She needs to grow up. And perhaps she should have paid for your new pans as well.
I've never had a roommate, and this is one of the myriad reasons why. I always but the best that I can afford and take very good care of my things. I would be furious if someone used them and ruined them. Totally NTA. That said, I'd have left her the ruined ones. She can figure out for herself WHY scratching up those pans then using them is dangerous (and beyond inconsiderate). My husband is as thoughtful with our things as I am, so I never worry.
I'm sorry but totally not the a hat here about tossing the old pans and keeping the hood locked up. Roommate could have just asked how to use them. Was actually told how to use them. Maybe she could have offered a cooking lesson on how and why to use them correctly? Naw. That roomie was a selfish inconsiderate piece of work. She should have dug in the trash or goodwill for pans. Bit of foil to cook eggs? That's just being on stage for the bf to walk in an see. If she wanted pans she could have bought her own. Keep the good ones locked up. And get a new place to live or get her out. Document everything if she's getting verbal and hostile to be around over pans too.
Hey, where is the love. She could have given her roommmate the old pans. Unless her goal is to teach her roomate a lesson-- and not just out of spite, it is not a good character.
This is why I don't let people touch my stuff. Don't touch my stuff.
While personally I'd have left the old set for her to each their own. Although the more I turn this over in my head you were right to toss the old set out. If she still had the old set it would simply teach her that she could get something that was "perfectly fine" & she so she would continue to not respect others property. Having to go out purchase her own cookware which she will destroy & have to replace hopefully she'll learn that there are consequences for her actions. You are not TA. You did everything correctly.
Completely on the op side here, but in the interest of peace maybe the op could keet her new pans in her room and buy some super cheap ones, or second hand ones to leave for the Karen roommate. Let her see the difference in the pans as time goes on. By the way scratching the surface up not only ruins the function of the cookware, but it releases all those chemicals into the food during use. What an AH roommate you have.
I literally have my special order 6 inch non-stick All-Clad fry pan in my gun safe because my wife wouldn't stop using a metal spatula with it. They don't even make these any more. I could bury it the yard and she could find it with a metal spatula. You make eggs and you flip them. Gun Safe.
Geez...not only your roommate use your cookware, she also ruins it. With her utter stupidity. And she has audacity to complain now? Also, WTf is going on with that boyfriend?
NTA, pots and pans ain't cheap. I know because I had to replace one of my friend's that I ruined by accident. If roommate can't look after it, she shouldn't be welcomed to use it.
Roommate and BF are out of line.I'd toss the roommate out ASAP and have a serious discussion with the BF.He doesn't get boundaries(his GF's,anyway)and apparently doesn't know that flaking non-stick coating is toxic,either.Boy needs an education.
NTA. You gave her plenty of warnings and asked nicely. But I think this girl was a bit thick. I bet she didn't get the "WHY" part of the whole thing. Obviously you have to explain to the reason as well. When you scratch non stick pans, the coating actually starts to peel off. I think the new coatings are no longer toxic. BUT Do you really want that coming off in your food? And what kind of metal is underneath that coating? That said, I think you should have left the old ones for her to use. She's going to end up ruining your good knives too. Let her use the scratched ones, and you enjoy your new cookware and keep it in your locked bedroom. It's a pain, but it's the only way. She doesn't respect you or your property. Then, the first opportunity you have, dump the roommate.
Agree she should have gave an explanation cause i bet the roommate thought she was just saying it to be a d**k
Load More Replies...That’s a capital offense for sure, the next time she puts hands on ur pots you have full permission to put your foot in her ars
No you arent A-Hole. Same thing happened to me. I hide my new one in my room and left the old ones out. My money and i will only warn you once
My husband wouldn't stop using metal chopsticks/spoons on nonstick pots and pans because he was "careful" as I heard things clanking against the cookware. I got tired of buying new non-stick pans and he refused to use silicone utensils so I threw them all away and replaced them with stainless steel cookware. It's less convenient and I have to use a lot more oil/butter to cook, as well having to soak and scrub them clean. Still better than getting cancer. I don't get how some people find altering a small way of doing something so difficult
I would've let her keep using the old set.....You keep your new set....sounds like she might start a fire....I would be looking to move
Dump te boyfriend. Get a roommate who at least knows that metal on metal is not only bad for the cookware but metal will get in the food and make you sick or possibly kill you...
Why did she have metal utensils if she had nonstick pots & pans? I'm not saying she's the a**h*** I'm just wondering.
Making eggs in a "pan" made out of aluminum foil. Oh, my. I just cannot fathom this level of cooking / kitchen ignorance. The kitchen-incompetent roommate definitely seems as if she was never taught to care for self as a child. I shudder to think what happens when she has to figure out how much detergent to put in washing machine, OR how/where to pour the detergent.
Plot twist you can just throw laundry detergent on the clothes it literally makes no difference whatsoever 90% of the time. And don't use fabric softener it literally leaves wax on your clothes and ruins the inside of washers. Ive worked on them for a long time its disgusting how it builds up
Load More Replies...I'm so disgusted with the roommate 's bad attitude and cooking "techniques" that I would have looked for a new roommate before ordering a new set of cookware! And she thinks you are the petty one?!?
She's not an a*****e for keeping her stuff in her room after she told her roommate about usage. I ended up doing this with my old roommates because they would always use my stuff, never clean up or replace what was used. But I agree with the bf. Throwing them away is stupid. Leave them for her or when you need an extra pan. You admit you're a broke college student, that's when youre supposed to learn to get by with second hand or s****y things. I've never bought new kitchen pans, i go to good will or places like this and get lightly used things. We're a culture of materialism which is a polite way to say wasteful. People get rid of perfectly good things all the time.
NTA, but throwing away the old set was an AH move serving only to hurt the roommate. So overall neutral.
NTA. Let's look at the situation: she ruined your stuff, you won't let her use your stuff anymore, and she throws a hissy fit and embarrasses you in front of your bf. NTA. She should apologize.
Yes my husband wrecks pans all the time so I now have decoy ones for his very occasional use. Some people just don’t care about trying to keep things nice and in good condition.
I say OP NTA, but also say that while locking the new pots and pans in her room is a good move, I personally would have gone ahead and given the old ones to the roommate. Would have then also waited until the lease was up, then link on her FB page about how metal utensils scrape and flake Teflon coatings, and the dangers that poses health wise, and say I had just come across the story
I had a roommate put my cast iron skillet in the dishwasher. It had never been cleaned with anything other than hot water and a little salt, if something stuck, which was rare, because up until the idiot put the pan in the dishwasher, it was perfectly seasoned. It speaks to a lack of respect, when you continually have to ask someone not to destroy your stuff & they keep ignoring you. I mean, if someone will lie about that, what else are they lying about? Or using incorrectly? I'd have given ol' girl directions to the nearest thrift store for her own cookware.
I keep a pot by the hob with wooden utensils so they are always first to hand. I kind of assumed every one did, as now I'm thinking about kitchens I've spent time in, they all have too. Like how you assume cutlery goes in the top draw, and you can go in to a strange kitchen and find everything to make a cup of tea easily without much searching.
You did the right thing to keep your good cookware in your room. Go to a thrift store and get her a small set of used stainless steel cookware and cooking utensils. They will be inexpensive and useful for her level of irresponsibility. Keep your nice things safe in your room. Also it will prevent the flaking off the nonstick coating into the food.
Nope, NTA. She said it doesn't matter, well you asked nicely because it matters to you. End of story, if she isn't going to respect your stuff, make her get her own stuff
If her room isn't being careful with her pots and pans then OP is right lock them up! I had the same problem when I had a roommate she messed up my T-FAL set that my father bought me so I made her replace it and left her with the old set. I also had her replace all of my bowls, and utensils because she took all of my utensils and well as lost all of my silverware so I just made her replace them all and I moved out leaving her with the damaged stuff and I have been on my own ever since. If people can't treat your stuff right then they can buy their own period. No one wants to keep replacing everything because someone else won't treat it right
It's a myth. Myth # 1: Ingested Flakes from Scratched Pans are Harmful Fact: The non-stick coating is generally made of Teflon (PTFE). According to research, PTFE has distinctive characteristics; it is non-reactive, non-toxic, and chemically inert. According to Paul Honigfort, FDA consumer safety officer, “In any rare case when a person ingests flakes of the non-stick coating due to scratches, the flakes will pass out of the body without being absorbed or without having a harmful effect on health.”
Isn't it funny...so many people say the pans become toxic.. I post info from an expert saying not true.. And some pan nazi downvotes.down votes.. Lol...
Load More Replies...Me……I would have smacked the roommate in the head with the ruined cookware before I threw them out. So disrespectful some people can be!
New non-stick has to be nontoxic by law in the US, but hell no, she's not the a-hole.
Is it rude to wonder if SOME of the AITA scenarios are made up by the WRITERS that get PAID for coming up with content? I can imagine a roommate so thoughtless that they kept using anything of their roommates that was not locked up. But hard to imagine someone THEN calling the cookware owner "ridiculous". OR that someone really would WONDER "AITA"! Then AGAIN I might be an "A"!
Im pretty sure half of them are made up for karma
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