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“My Fiancée Isn’t Speaking To Me After I Used ‘Our’ Money To Help My Dog”
Dogs are friendly, affectionate, but, most importantly, loyal. They’re willing to do everything for their humans. So, it’s only fair we do everything in our power to take care of them, right? Well, one woman doesn’t think so. When Reddit user Unsurebigbig spent $5,000 for his German Shepherd’s surgery, his fiancée went ballistic. You see, even though the money was his savings, it was also part of their wedding budget. The bride-to-be was furious that they’d have to downsize the ceremony for a 10-year-old dog, so she went into full ignore mode. Unable to figure out what to do, Unsurebigbig asked the internet for advice. (Facebook cover: GaiBru_Photo / istockphoto)
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Image credits: Laura Nicola (not the actual photo)
According to a survey by the Associated Press and Petside.com, 14 percent of people would choose their pet over their significant other.
Unfortunately, the survey only asked, “who would you choose?” Another important question would have been “how in the world did it get to that point?”
It’s critical to understand where the problem is coming from. Is it your significant other who has a problem with your dog (or the way you treat your dog?) or is it the other way around? Whether the problem is on the human or canine side, Josh Weiss-Roessler from Ceasar’s Way offers a few things that you can try:
Have Play Dates. Give your spouse and your dog some time alone together. “You probably had them get to know your parents and friends in this way when you started to become more serious, right? Well, your dog may be even more important because they’re essentially a roommate that your spouse may have ‘married into.'”
Set Ground Rules. Just because you and your dog have a routine, that doesn’t mean that your spouse is comfortable with all of it. “Sit down and have a discussion about the rules, boundaries, and limitations, so you’re both on the same page. Expressing a desire to not sleep with your dog when they’re sleeping with you is a completely reasonable expectation, for example, and if you adopt a ‘take it or leave it’ approach, the relationship (the human one) just isn’t going to last.”
Compromise. Ah yes, the hallmark of every long-lasting human relationship. “You need to talk about issues as early as possible. Maybe your spouse hates having the dog on any of the furniture. That’s probably not going to fly if you let Fido anywhere and everywhere at all times, so that’s where compromise comes in — no more sleeping on the bed, but the dog can still cuddle on the couch, for example.”
Here’s what people said about the situation
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What do you think ?
Carol Emory 6 years ago (edited)
How you fix it is cancel the wedding, ditch bridezilla, and take your dog on vacation. People saying that it should have been discussed..maybe. My husband and I rarely talk finances, but we do discuss big purchases. That being said, if we had a dog that needed emergency surgery, it would be known that we would do it and the other one might be upset...but we'd make it work. This bridezilla talking about how it's going to affect "her wedding" needs to stop acting like a two year old. The silent treatment..really? And you're thinking of marrying that?
Florencia Renedo 6 years ago
Agree! Who wants to marry a cold heart horrible person like that?
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Louise B 6 years ago
I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, and maybe she has her own reasons. Personally, if I had a man who loves his dog this much - he's a keeper! What would he do for his children? I agree with the person who mentioned the silent treatment. If the person who is supposed to love you most in the world won't even talk to you, you have bigger problems.
TigerDRena 6 years ago
How can she have her own reasons if she values a wedding more than a living being? Especially if she's mad that her fiance used his own money and made his own decision?
Load More Replies...
Nadine 6 years ago
Honestly, I'm so sick of people that I tend to measure the value of a person based on how they treat animals ... Bridezilla over here can go eff off. They had separate accounts, the OP had saved up his own money, and he didn't need to discuss this expense with her because we're talking about a loyal and loving creature's life and well-being. My husband and I have separate accounts and a joint savings account. We have four cats (two are his and two are mine) and if anything ever happens to them, we don't care about the expenses. They are our furbabies. They are living, feeling, creatures. They give us all their love without asking for anything (other than treats and chin scritches) in exchange. As their caregivers, we must ensure they are properly treated if they're showing any signs of illness.
Aunt Messy 6 years ago
If anything had happened to one of the cats and they had to go to the vet, there would be no discussion. Whichever one of us was there at the time would just do it, THEN call and tell the other what happened.
Load More Replies...
Monica Patton 6 years ago
These people had separate finances. His dog was sick, he got it medical attention. She had to know that he loved his dog, whether he told her the cost of the surgery or not. Angry, she said that money wouldn't go that far... it kept his dog alive for more than a few hours or even one day... that's how far the money would've gone had it been spent on the wedding. I am sick of people treating their wedding day as if it's the most important day of their life, because it's not. Believe it or not, a wedding can be beautiful AND inexpensive. Believe it or not, the "quality" of your wedding doesn't determine the quality of your marriage.
Kathy Baylis 6 years ago (edited)
People tend to forget that the marriage is way more important than the wedding. I never wanted a big wedding, so got married in a courthouse with a few friends in attendance, who took us out for a wedding dinner afterward. We’ve been together for 18 years so far. All the people I know who dropped tens of thousands of dollars on their weddings didn’t even last a fraction of that time. Plus, we’re both big animal lovers, so neither of us would even question spending money to save a beloved pet. It’s possible the vet said the surgery needed to happen immediately, so there may have been no time to deeply discuss it with his fiancée before giving the vet the go ahead. I just don’t see this wedding happening or the marriage lasting, if the way he’s describing this incident is an honest and accurate description of the relationship dynamic. One side or the other will inevitably end up finally saying enough is enough, and file for divorce.
Load More Replies...
Sonya Jersey 6 years ago
When my husband and I went through a rough patch and we didn't have food to eat, we didn't eat at all and any money we had we bought our dog food. We would do anything for him because we chose to raise him and take care of him until his last breath. If your partner doesn't understand that....I don't know what to say. There is nothing separate in our marriage.
Calypso poet 6 years ago
You are good fur baby parents! We always say our cats eat better than us and get better healthcare! Our one cat is on meds to stop seizures and sees the vet every 6 months. Him and his sister are 16, we’ve been married 15 years.
Load More Replies...
Chris Watson 6 years ago
Sorry guys. The woman is a nutbar. I hope the writer doesn't marry her, as his life will be miserable forever.
Raine Soo 6 years ago
Don't be sorry. I agree with your point of view. It seems as if most people here do too. Perhaps the fiance is looking for further validation to leave his fiancee.
Load More Replies... Nunya 6 years ago
First off, her attitude about the dog is enough for me to end the relationship right there. If you don't have the same compassion or love for dogs, then go away. Go far, far away. I don't want to know you. Harsh, but that's just the way it is. Second, since when it is both of your money to pay for the wedding, but it's "her" wedding??? That right there is another reason to end it. The attitude that it's all hers or "theirs" when something is really his. Good for you taking care of the pup. He deserves, just as you do, someone who love and cherish him.
Kathy Baylis 6 years ago
If she has the “what’s mine is mine and what yours is mine” attitude, I sure hope he has her sign a prenup if he goes through with the wedding. I’m no fan of prenups in general, but think it would be wise in this case—-unless, of course, he’s leaving out key information to make his case look better (always have to give that benefit of the doubt when on,t hearing one side, you know).
Load More Replies...
June Clavelle 6 years ago (edited)
If the money was blown on something frivolous or if the matter wasn't discussed before the money was spent, I can understand why bride to be would be mad. But a life saving surgery for a dog is worth the cost. Maybe this was a good thing that happened. Obviously groom to be loves his animals like family. If bride to be doesn't feel the same way they were destined to have issues in the future. Just a note to pet owners (especially of older animals): Veterinary costs can be extreme. Get pet insurance. Mine covers 90% of most procedures.
Laugh Fan 6 years ago
I fully support you about getting insurance! I've always made sure that I had this for all of my dogs.
Load More Replies...
Carol Emory 6 years ago (edited)
How you fix it is cancel the wedding, ditch bridezilla, and take your dog on vacation. People saying that it should have been discussed..maybe. My husband and I rarely talk finances, but we do discuss big purchases. That being said, if we had a dog that needed emergency surgery, it would be known that we would do it and the other one might be upset...but we'd make it work. This bridezilla talking about how it's going to affect "her wedding" needs to stop acting like a two year old. The silent treatment..really? And you're thinking of marrying that?
Florencia Renedo 6 years ago
Agree! Who wants to marry a cold heart horrible person like that?
Load More Replies... Louise B 6 years ago
I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, and maybe she has her own reasons. Personally, if I had a man who loves his dog this much - he's a keeper! What would he do for his children? I agree with the person who mentioned the silent treatment. If the person who is supposed to love you most in the world won't even talk to you, you have bigger problems.
TigerDRena 6 years ago
How can she have her own reasons if she values a wedding more than a living being? Especially if she's mad that her fiance used his own money and made his own decision?
Load More Replies... Nadine 6 years ago
Honestly, I'm so sick of people that I tend to measure the value of a person based on how they treat animals ... Bridezilla over here can go eff off. They had separate accounts, the OP had saved up his own money, and he didn't need to discuss this expense with her because we're talking about a loyal and loving creature's life and well-being. My husband and I have separate accounts and a joint savings account. We have four cats (two are his and two are mine) and if anything ever happens to them, we don't care about the expenses. They are our furbabies. They are living, feeling, creatures. They give us all their love without asking for anything (other than treats and chin scritches) in exchange. As their caregivers, we must ensure they are properly treated if they're showing any signs of illness.
Aunt Messy 6 years ago
If anything had happened to one of the cats and they had to go to the vet, there would be no discussion. Whichever one of us was there at the time would just do it, THEN call and tell the other what happened.
Load More Replies... Monica Patton 6 years ago
These people had separate finances. His dog was sick, he got it medical attention. She had to know that he loved his dog, whether he told her the cost of the surgery or not. Angry, she said that money wouldn't go that far... it kept his dog alive for more than a few hours or even one day... that's how far the money would've gone had it been spent on the wedding. I am sick of people treating their wedding day as if it's the most important day of their life, because it's not. Believe it or not, a wedding can be beautiful AND inexpensive. Believe it or not, the "quality" of your wedding doesn't determine the quality of your marriage.
Kathy Baylis 6 years ago (edited)
People tend to forget that the marriage is way more important than the wedding. I never wanted a big wedding, so got married in a courthouse with a few friends in attendance, who took us out for a wedding dinner afterward. We’ve been together for 18 years so far. All the people I know who dropped tens of thousands of dollars on their weddings didn’t even last a fraction of that time. Plus, we’re both big animal lovers, so neither of us would even question spending money to save a beloved pet. It’s possible the vet said the surgery needed to happen immediately, so there may have been no time to deeply discuss it with his fiancée before giving the vet the go ahead. I just don’t see this wedding happening or the marriage lasting, if the way he’s describing this incident is an honest and accurate description of the relationship dynamic. One side or the other will inevitably end up finally saying enough is enough, and file for divorce.
Load More Replies... Sonya Jersey 6 years ago
When my husband and I went through a rough patch and we didn't have food to eat, we didn't eat at all and any money we had we bought our dog food. We would do anything for him because we chose to raise him and take care of him until his last breath. If your partner doesn't understand that....I don't know what to say. There is nothing separate in our marriage.
Calypso poet 6 years ago
You are good fur baby parents! We always say our cats eat better than us and get better healthcare! Our one cat is on meds to stop seizures and sees the vet every 6 months. Him and his sister are 16, we’ve been married 15 years.
Load More Replies... Chris Watson 6 years ago
Sorry guys. The woman is a nutbar. I hope the writer doesn't marry her, as his life will be miserable forever.
Raine Soo 6 years ago
Don't be sorry. I agree with your point of view. It seems as if most people here do too. Perhaps the fiance is looking for further validation to leave his fiancee.
Load More Replies... Nunya 6 years ago
First off, her attitude about the dog is enough for me to end the relationship right there. If you don't have the same compassion or love for dogs, then go away. Go far, far away. I don't want to know you. Harsh, but that's just the way it is. Second, since when it is both of your money to pay for the wedding, but it's "her" wedding??? That right there is another reason to end it. The attitude that it's all hers or "theirs" when something is really his. Good for you taking care of the pup. He deserves, just as you do, someone who love and cherish him.
Kathy Baylis 6 years ago
If she has the “what’s mine is mine and what yours is mine” attitude, I sure hope he has her sign a prenup if he goes through with the wedding. I’m no fan of prenups in general, but think it would be wise in this case—-unless, of course, he’s leaving out key information to make his case look better (always have to give that benefit of the doubt when on,t hearing one side, you know).
Load More Replies... June Clavelle 6 years ago (edited)
If the money was blown on something frivolous or if the matter wasn't discussed before the money was spent, I can understand why bride to be would be mad. But a life saving surgery for a dog is worth the cost. Maybe this was a good thing that happened. Obviously groom to be loves his animals like family. If bride to be doesn't feel the same way they were destined to have issues in the future. Just a note to pet owners (especially of older animals): Veterinary costs can be extreme. Get pet insurance. Mine covers 90% of most procedures.
Laugh Fan 6 years ago
I fully support you about getting insurance! I've always made sure that I had this for all of my dogs.
Load More Replies...
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