“The Best And Worst Of Twitter”: 50 Chucklesome Takes On Pretty Much Everything (New Posts)

OMG. I can’t unsee it now.

Yes!! That's how it works!

Ha! My kind of retaliation!

I’m missing the fight or flight response… I have the flappy-flailing-arms-just-like-I-walked-into-a-spider-web-and-curse-a-lot response.

What rule says your plus one has to be a romantic interest?

Fair call on your dad's behalf

My kids asked that when their dad had been away for a few days and they suddenly saw that the car wasnt in the garage 🤣

This may get me downvoted into oblivion, but I do support medical testing of animals when needed. All of the life saving meds we use have at some stage been tested on animals. If we where to start the testing directly on humans very few meds would make it (or very few test subjects). I have several times been part of medical trials of new meds and vaccines and I can willingly say I wouldnt do that if it animals hadnt takem the first rounds so we at least know something about possible side effects. Animal medical testing should be used with caution and respect, but I will not say to a terminally sick kid that the medicine that might have saved them is still in the lab due to a ban on animal testing.

Current information states that pregnant people can have 200mg caffeine daily.

Mine, too.

Stardust she/her

Stardust she/her

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This person’s family tree is a tesseract

That's beautiful ☺️😆

I think we can all relate.

Remember kids, if you study a lot, be a good kid, then work hard, your boss might go to space!

We need a few good reverse hallmark movies. Show me the Christmas loving girl who breaks up with her first love and moves to the city to work as a high profile lawyer who doesn't give a s**t about the holidays .

Aha! Roscoe the pug! This was on BP before too… I love mystery puggo Roscoe 🤣

I did not see the ending coming. Well said, Grandma.

You know, in a way, if it is true, receiving that list of names would be better than finding out that there is no name on your list at all.

Also, locks have a way to know when EXACTLY you need them open, and fast. (Source: me, being locked in the spaceship basement with a possibility of having a deranged alien virus hidden in that weird taxidermy of an alien giant amoeba.)

"Ignorance is bliss"

Ah well

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What do you call a 3 humped camel? Pregnant

but....but...

This was strangely comforting to read.

You are in water hooman!!!! It's ok I will save you! I told you not to go back near the bad rain box

To be fair, it sounds awesome in chants and songs

Subs over dubs!

This about sums up my sense of humor lol

House was such a fun protagonist. Hugh Laurie really got people feeling for a drug addicted a*****e with no social skills.

Nah it was the best response you could give. You're a human being if they don't realize you don't need to care about thier problems.

Just imagine everyone being rounded up from their cubicles because it's Field Day.

Uno?

Dave Grohl made a good comment about it, basically saying stars don't come from such shows but from playing bad sounding songs with cheap instruments in shady places till you get better

My 3 year old shouts "Mum! It's good morning"

THE WINNER!

Please do not try to milk this cow

I like showering.

I need this. I can't be the only one, right?

This post jolted my PTSD….

I've always heard that you should because they need to know what kind of snake it is.

"...do cocaine in our bathroom" Well, on second thoughts...

But this was posted at 6.17pm

Whew I thought you were going to say "Iowa" and then I was going to say "Them's fighting words, also, people = s**t"

We do have this in our home. Seperate bedrooms decorated the way we like, with seperate beds. I'm an insomniac that has a hard time getting to sleep and my husband falls asleep immediately, starts snoring & has restless leg syndrome.... yep.

"Not like that!"

As accountant I absolutely would love that mug!

They think of the money they make, maybe?

It’s called “empathy.”

Just know I'm here if you need me

Good riddance, I’ll never forget the time he locked my family in a tower and told me to beg for my life in Spanish

My friends parents are a vegan and a butcher, one child is a vegan and the other eats meat- they learnt to live in harmony. As a vegan myself, I'm not sure I could do it, but then maybe to each other everything else about them is perfect and you know you'll never find someone 100% perfect for you.

Seems like a good reason to not have kids then!

😂 ☠️Omg

Honesty generally works best.

I ask so many questions people become annoyed!

Mee

I feel her 😭

My ignorance is as good as your knowledge! 🙄

awkward

Yes!!! I’m trapped in here forever

I’ve heard it’s upwards of 10%-20% of people, too. Poll time! Do you create mental images when you read?

I'am sry but that actually sounds fun

I handed the officer the car's manual. In hindsight it was pretty funny.

Toiletpaper is the bomb when your sick! Endless supply and it comes with a handy storage cylinder in the middle for used paper.

i didn't need an excuse to "get it on"

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As an older sibling to a former toddler, you have to become a code breaker to understand anything they say