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Hey Pandas, AITA For Exposing Him After He Refused To Talk Things Through?
Moderator’s note:
If you find yourself disagreeing with this person’s actions, we encourage you not to downvote the post. Instead, kindly express your opinions in the comments. We recommend maintaining politeness and articulating your thoughts with well-constructed arguments.
So I (M16) really liked a kinda close friend (M17). I had another friend who also liked him, so I didn’t ask him out for a while. When I finally did, I poured my heart out and told him in detail how I felt and how scared I was to tell him since he was so much older (nearly 2 years). He politely said no, which hurt, but I could accept.
RELATED:
He promised to still be friends and said we should hang out more anyway
Image credits: Aedrian Salazar (not the actual photo)
I was happy that we could still be friends, but when it came time to see him again, he never showed up. He stopped answering my calls and left me on read for weeks on end, as I was already falling apart. He finally agreed that we should talk about how we move forward, and we set a day to meet. I waited for a while before realizing yet again he wasn’t going to show up. He later told me he had something he had to go to (that he had known about in advance) and didn’t think to mention it. I told him we should still talk, and we agreed to meet the next day.
This time, he actually showed up, and since it was just the two of us, it was really awkward. I asked him if, rather than sitting in silence, we could walk the halls and talk about how to rebuild what we had.
He flat out refused to get up or talk and started playing video games on his phone instead
Image credits: Mike van den Bos (not the actual photo)
I was obviously still heartbroken and angry with how immaturely he was treating this. He still tried waving in the hallways from time to time, but never spoke to me or answered my texts when I tried to reach out.
I finally had enough and told a close group of friends (including some who knew him personally) what he had done and showed them the texts between us to prove it
Image credits: Eliott Reyna (not the actual photo)
I’m kinda feeling bad about shaming him and trying to make him feel bad, but I don’t know if I went too far.
AITA for telling our mutual friends what he did after he ghosted me and treated me like I didn’t matter?
Expert’s Advice
- Respect your boundaries.
If someone promises friendship but consistently ghosts you, take it as a sign. You deserve mutual respect and consistency in any relationship. - Don’t chase closure that isn’t coming.
If they avoid real conversations or dismiss your feelings, stop pushing. You can’t rebuild a connection alone. - Be mindful when sharing private details.
It’s okay to vent, but think twice before involving others or sharing screenshots. Focus on support, not revenge. - Process before reacting.
Give yourself space to calm down before taking actions you might regret later. Your peace matters more than proving a point. - Know when to walk away.
If someone repeatedly shows they don’t care, believe them. Protect your energy and invest in people who value it.
Moderator’s note:
Please note that the images included in this article are for illustrative purposes only and do not represent the actual individuals or items discussed in the story.
If you have a comparable experience or story you’d like to tell, we welcome your submissions. Click here to share your story with Bored Panda.
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What do you think ?
Jennifer Clayton 5 months ago
He doesn't owe you anything. He said he wasn't interested romantically. When this happens it's better not to hang out for a while because your attraction and feelings of rejection are still raw. Remember that you were his friend too, and sharing that you wanted more changed that friendship for both of you. You both need space for a while. You shouldn't try to force anything.
Ace 6 months ago (edited)
Puppy love. Yes, YTA, this is almost like stalking, you need to cease immediately. Move on, stop obsessing about this one crush, there will be others.
that_gay_snake (Post author) 6 months ago
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
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Apatheist Account2 5 months ago
16 and 17 year-olds do things that they may look back on later and cringe. One has to learn that people mature at different rates and handle things differently. People let you down, it happens, don't take it personally, move on.
Niki 5 months ago
Oh, sweetie, I think maybe you are a little confused. Your friend is just a little weirded out right now, and is upset too. They don't owe you anything, but they are not trying to hurt you. They don't know how to approach it. You're still young. Time moves on, and so will you. Be at peace knowing you said all that needed to be said.
Historyherstory (old guy) 5 months ago
This will seem like so much ado about nothing in 5-10 years. However, you can't put an old head on young shoulders and it surely must feel overwhelming. This too, is okay and normal. Get busy with things which improve you or your outlook. Also, dont share texts. Burning bridges only look good when ablaze. Not so good when they are looked back on. GL.
Charles McChristy 5 months ago
I cannot believe the majority voted for "Immature and rude". If anything, the girl was being immature and rude. The guy was sending clear signals he needed space or felt really uncomfortable about the situation. He does not owe you an explanation or his time. You turned a friendship into an awkward mess, and that is the chance you take when you express to a friend you have feelings.
Cheese 5 months ago
Yeah, I didn't agree with the poll either. You may want to edit your comment to avoid being offensive, though.
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Leg less In Minneapolis 5 months ago
if they didn’t hurt they wouldn’t call them crushes. I believe he has never experienced this before and doesn’t know how to handle it.
Roberta Surprenant 5 months ago
He's just not into you, not end of the world. Involving others is ah territory.
Tim Richards 5 months ago
You like him, he doesn't like you, you shame him, but he's immature? Reverse the roles and let me know how that would go.
David McDonald 5 months ago
As hard as it may seem, You were told no and He does not owe you anything at this point.
Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 5 months ago
I mean im not sure that him saying he'd meet up with you and not doing so was right of him, he shoulda just been honest
Ronja Oksanen 3 months ago
Remember that he lost a friend too, YTA for not giving him space to process this change and pressuring him to talk.
Juls 4 months ago (edited)
Sometimes, when one friend has feelings for another, it does indeed ruin the friendship. I expect he was unable to handle your feelings for him and still be friends. At your age, this can be especially difficult, but it can happen at any age. If a person doesn't return your romantic feelings, it can make the friendship very awkward. I can understand you needing the support of your friends while you are heartbroken, but he isn't the bad guy here either. He may not be able to express how your declaration has effected him. Sometimes love does not work out, and you take the time to heal and try again. Perhaps in time, when you have moved on, the two of you can be friends again.
Jennifer Clayton 5 months ago
He doesn't owe you anything. He said he wasn't interested romantically. When this happens it's better not to hang out for a while because your attraction and feelings of rejection are still raw. Remember that you were his friend too, and sharing that you wanted more changed that friendship for both of you. You both need space for a while. You shouldn't try to force anything.
Ace 6 months ago (edited)
Puppy love. Yes, YTA, this is almost like stalking, you need to cease immediately. Move on, stop obsessing about this one crush, there will be others.
that_gay_snake (Post author) 6 months ago
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Load More Replies... Apatheist Account2 5 months ago
16 and 17 year-olds do things that they may look back on later and cringe. One has to learn that people mature at different rates and handle things differently. People let you down, it happens, don't take it personally, move on.
Niki 5 months ago
Oh, sweetie, I think maybe you are a little confused. Your friend is just a little weirded out right now, and is upset too. They don't owe you anything, but they are not trying to hurt you. They don't know how to approach it. You're still young. Time moves on, and so will you. Be at peace knowing you said all that needed to be said.
Historyherstory (old guy) 5 months ago
This will seem like so much ado about nothing in 5-10 years. However, you can't put an old head on young shoulders and it surely must feel overwhelming. This too, is okay and normal. Get busy with things which improve you or your outlook. Also, dont share texts. Burning bridges only look good when ablaze. Not so good when they are looked back on. GL.
Charles McChristy 5 months ago
I cannot believe the majority voted for "Immature and rude". If anything, the girl was being immature and rude. The guy was sending clear signals he needed space or felt really uncomfortable about the situation. He does not owe you an explanation or his time. You turned a friendship into an awkward mess, and that is the chance you take when you express to a friend you have feelings.
Cheese 5 months ago
Yeah, I didn't agree with the poll either. You may want to edit your comment to avoid being offensive, though.
Load More Replies... Leg less In Minneapolis 5 months ago
if they didn’t hurt they wouldn’t call them crushes. I believe he has never experienced this before and doesn’t know how to handle it.
Roberta Surprenant 5 months ago
He's just not into you, not end of the world. Involving others is ah territory.
Tim Richards 5 months ago
You like him, he doesn't like you, you shame him, but he's immature? Reverse the roles and let me know how that would go.
David McDonald 5 months ago
As hard as it may seem, You were told no and He does not owe you anything at this point.
Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 5 months ago
I mean im not sure that him saying he'd meet up with you and not doing so was right of him, he shoulda just been honest
Ronja Oksanen 3 months ago
Remember that he lost a friend too, YTA for not giving him space to process this change and pressuring him to talk.
Juls 4 months ago (edited)
Sometimes, when one friend has feelings for another, it does indeed ruin the friendship. I expect he was unable to handle your feelings for him and still be friends. At your age, this can be especially difficult, but it can happen at any age. If a person doesn't return your romantic feelings, it can make the friendship very awkward. I can understand you needing the support of your friends while you are heartbroken, but he isn't the bad guy here either. He may not be able to express how your declaration has effected him. Sometimes love does not work out, and you take the time to heal and try again. Perhaps in time, when you have moved on, the two of you can be friends again.
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