Hi all,
So this happened recently and it’s been difficult to process so I thought i’d come to you guys to ask AITA.
So I was an extremely shy teenager with a lot of mental health issues. Basically my everyday goal was to get through the school day unnoticed which of course made me a prime target for pretty much every bully in the building. One group in particular took great joy in tormenting me from the moment I stepped on to the school bus. I wont go into detail but it made those 4 years of high school almost unbearable and contributed significantly to why 15 years later I was still in the small town I grew up in, living with my parents and without any friends.
So there are only a few places to work in my hometown (if you don’t drive) and I found a job which isn’t ideal, but it’s comfortable and I get along with pretty much everyone as I’m very non-confrontational and do as I’m told. I’ve worked there happily for nearly 10 years.
So 2 years ago one of these bullies from high school also gets a job at my workplace (we’ll call him Rob). I told a few colleagues about why I seemed to go quiet and tense up when I was near him but he was never unkind to me in the workplace. Mostly we avoided each other or just talked about work related topics so it didn’t really bother me that he was there.
A few weeks ago a management position in my department opened up and “Rob” applies for it. Apparently he interviews well and is qualified so my boss is in the process of offering him the role. This would essentially make “Rob” my boss, he would need to have 1:1 meetings with me every 6 weeks, have complete control over my work schedule + duties and would be my point of contact if I needed time off etc.
I explained to my boss I wouldn’t feel comfortable with this and asked to change departments, when I was told this wasn’t possible I explained that I would be looking for other jobs. It wasn’t petty, I genuinely couldn’t cope with the idea of being under this guy’s thumb and couldn’t think of a way around it.
When “Rob” hears about what happened he comes to confront me about it. Wanting to know why I was telling people about stupid things he did as a kid. I explained I hadn’t said or done anything to jeopardise his applications but did not want to work with him as my boss for personal reasons.
For the next few days “Rob” made it clear he was angry about how “pathetic and petty” I was being for talking about “stupid stuff from the past” making out as if I was saying things to try and stop him getting the promotion.
I ended up going home after the 3rd of this in tears and called in for the rest of the week.
When I returned to work on the Monday “Rob” wasn’t there. My boss explained that he had been suspended after some of my colleagues had reported his behaviour as being why I had left work in tears the week before.
He was suspended for 3 weeks then eventually dismissed for breaching the bullying and harassment policy. The guy has a wife and 4 year old kid and now if a terrible time for anyone to be unemployed.
I can’t help feeling really bad for what happened, It was a difficult situation for me but it is true that the bullying happened a long time ago, and “Rob” had been nothing but polite to me at work until he thought I was trying to “badmouth” him to the bosses so he’d lose out on the promotion. I keep feeling like i should have asked to talk the situation through with my boss and a resolution been agreed.
So AITA? There’s nothing I can do to change the situation now but am curious to know who impartial readers think was in the wrong.
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