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TikToker Explains What Men Think Women Find Attractive VS. What They Actually Find Attractive, Goes Viral With 6M Views
Interview
It’s no secret that we try to look our best not only in real life but also on social media. By sharing different places we travel, interesting things we are doing, and most importantly, the best way we look, we create a fantasy for ourselves and others that life is perfect and it couldn’t be any other way. Even though, it is an open secret that hardly anyone lives like that. There’s always been this battle between appearance and personality, and recent times showed that this battle became fiercer. It might seem that we live in a kingdom of distorting mirrors, but a recent video found on TikTok showed some interesting facts about people and how they “assess” each other.
More Info: TikTok
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It seems that men and women perceive attractiveness differently, which may lead to miscommunication between the two
Image credits: Giuseppe Milo
She explained that the reason why he was less interesting when he was “super fit” is that he was giving “the male power fantasy”. That is when men look how they think that women want them to look instead of what women actually find attractive. She continued by stating that men are the ones who care about aesthetics and appearances more than females do, hence the miscommunication happens when men put a lot of effort into looking good when women don’t find this necessary.
TikTok user posed a question not knowing why he wasn’t seen as more attractive when he was more sporty
Image credits: torres.alejandro
She explained that the reason why he was less interesting when he was “super fit” is that he was giving “the male power fantasy”. That is when men look how they think that women want them to look instead of what women actually find attractive. She continued by stating that men are the ones who care about aesthetics and appearances more than females do, hence the miscommunication happens when men put a lot of effort into looking good when women don’t find this necessary.
Image credits: torres.alejandro
Bored Panda contacted the TikToker @the.claire.b***h.project and asked her a few questions on the matter. When asked whether she was surprised to see that her video got so much attention, Claire told that she didn’t expect it to become viral and explained a possible reason for this to happen. She first hesitated to post the video, but the idea that most of her followers were women made her think that females TikTok users will agree with her. By stating this, Claire touched on another important point of how being in “the bubble” with people who are interested in the same things and share the same values makes us think that everyone is like that. The girl continues to tell how she felt after the video was released and the bubble was popped: “I will be honest, it sort of made me upset because I’d previously been in a bubble on TikTok with people I liked and who are knowledgeable about the same things as me, so to suddenly have an influx of people who felt that my studies and my knowledge actually discredited me to speak on a topic made me pretty angry. It amazed me the amount of men who wrote me off simply because I had studied Gender Studies, and I think that speaks to misogyny on the internet”.
Another TikTok user gladly explained the situation by using her knowledge from gender studies, talking about “the female gaze”
Image credits: the.claire.b***h.project
So whether the key to understanding each other better lies in knowing more about concepts such as “the female gaze”? Claire explained that people misinterpreted the video by thinking that “the female gaze” is related to attraction and dating, “when really it’s about the way women see the world as a whole”. She also continued by saying that “allowing yourself to see the world through someone else’s eyes helps you gain empathy for that person, and I think a lot of men lack empathy and understanding of how women see the world”.
Image credits: the.claire.b***h.project
At the very beginning of this article, we talked about how social media changed the way we present ourselves. We asked Claire whether she thinks that social media has an impact on the whole male/female attractiveness to which she answered first explaining “the internalized male gaze” – that is when women start to “identify” with the sexualized and objectified version of themselves presented in media and also live up to the expectations of the “right” man. She notices that “with the rise of social media, this internal need to perform is happening in all genders, not just women. So in a sense, everyone now feels like they have to be aware of how they’re presented at all times.”
Image credits: the.claire.b***h.project
We were curious whether there are any tips on how to present yourself on social media knowing how it is related to the way people see each other and knowing the fact how much time we spent there creating these “portfolios” of our lives. According to Claire, this is not what is important in this case. What she agrees to is that we should stop relying on what other people expect from us. Women are not only attractive as men are not only strong. In the end, the girl stated: “I want everyone to feel free to just be themselves as they are and however that ends up presenting is the best way to present oneself”.
Image credits: the.claire.b***h.project
The post that got 946.5k likes and 19.3 shares cover a few terms that relate to gender studies. What is then “the female gaze”? It all started with a concept of “the male gaze” that was created by British feminist film theorist Laura Mulvey who stated that in cinema context women are seen by men as an object of desire. So the opposite should cover the term of the female gaze? Well not exactly. While “the male gaze” is seen as a norm, showing everything from their perspective and making them the main character, “the female gaze” depicts what women feel and experience.
It’s interesting to see how many movie plots are created according to “the male gaze”: Transformers, Iron Man 2, Suicide Squad, and many more. Not without reason, it’s said that movies reflect real life, and “the female gaze” helps to make it even more real and full of emotions.
Do you know any good real-life / movie plot examples of “the female gaze” theory? Feel free to share it in the comments down below!
You can check the full video down bellow
@the.claire.bitch.project#stitch with @torres.alejandro Female Gaze vid: @ms.eggy #genderstudies#malegaze#femalegaze#feminism#feminist#patriarchy♬ original sound – 🌈 Claire 🌈
TikTok users showed their interest in the comments while sharing their own remarks as well as experiences
Hygiene stands above it all
Netlix and… gaze?
What’s so funny about gender studies, one might ask?
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What do you think ?
Marylen 4 years ago (edited)
I love attractive men... But I also love a 'non--douchy' attractive man. The problem for me would not be his look as he was before. If his only picture was the one hiking, it would be great. However, he doesn't smile in the two other pictures and doesn't seem to have a good personality. Give me muscles AND personality! :-)
Katchen 4 years ago
Yes, his facial expressions in his fit pictures makes him look unapproachable.
Load More Replies...
Seabeast 4 years ago
Clean and well groomed is always sexy. One of the sexiest men I ever met was a coworker who really wasn't attractive in the conventional sense at all. But he was well groomed and well dressed and funny as all get out.
Jessica Aubé 4 years ago
Mewton isn’t entirely wrong Saying most woman may be incorrect but plenty of woman prefer what mewton is describing .. I sure do .. a well groomed well dressed man is a huge turn off for me .. it comes across as high maintenance.. I want a man who can go camping and hiking with me , who will help around the house and play with our kids .. a beard is hot .. a pretty boy isnt .. to me .. now if his hygiene is bad I’m out .. brush your teeth and don’t smell bad ..
Load More Replies...
Ragnhild Nilsen 4 years ago
Not to forget: The extremely muscular type of men normally spend far too much time on achieving that type of body, and then (according to myself and most females) will be less likely to spend time with his partner and children. There is a big difference between the men who spend an hour or two playing ball, or going to the gym, and those who live for their exercise regimes.
Jupittance 4 years ago
Also if they're really ripped, they're probably on a supplement regimen which includes stuff that sometimes doesn't make you a fun person to be around.
Load More Replies...
Aliquid A 4 years ago (edited)
I hate this level of generalizing. No "men", and "women" don't think that, some do. Maybe many do, but not "men", or "women". And my rant isn't the same as those whiners saying "not all men" about toxic masculinity posts, because those aren't talking about "men" they are talking about *toxic* masculinity (not all masculinity), where as this post implies *all* men subscribe to the "male power fantasy" and *all* women don't care about looks, which isn't even vaguely true. The one quality quote from this post is: “allowing yourself to see the world through someone else’s eyes helps you gain empathy for that person, and I think a lot of [people] lack empathy and understanding of how [other people] see the world”. --- edit --- Note that I'm talking about the overall article and how the message is presented, not the message itself. I shouldn't have been so confrontational with my post... but I guess that's what happens when you rant.
KatHat 4 years ago
This is her field of study. Let's assume she knows more than most of us posting our opinions. No, it doesn't mean our opinions are worthless, IF they reflect our personal experiences and make clear that's what they're doing. But this is literally her field of study. She knows more than me on this topic, and odds are good she knows more than you too.
Load More Replies...
Mimi M 4 years ago (edited)
Women care a LOT about how men look - but not in the super-macho way that men think. That first pic was relaxed, fit, open, friendly, gentle, and sexy. Masculine but in a played-down way. Very attractive. The other pics were harsh, preening, arrogant, closed-off, selfish-looking and self-obsessed. Not kind, not gentle, not open, not attractive. So when I go online, I tend to see two extremes: Either the cocky-looking poser guy, or a guy who looks like he put zero effort into his pics - they look worse than someone's driver's license pic, and that's saying a lot. Like the person who took the pic thinks that women are blind and don't need to be visually attracted to a man. TBH, this is more common than the cocky-looking poser guy. I don''t know why. Someone needs to tell guys to put a bit of effort into their pics. If you are in your twenties and can look good no matter the angle, lighting, clothing, expression, etc, then fine. But once you are more mature, you need to make an effort.
Totally legit 4 years ago
True, some guys think their outside doesn't matter. But maybe they shouldn't be on online dating services...
Load More Replies...
Bettie-Jean Neal 4 years ago
I prefer a fit man. There, I said it. I'm a size 6 and would prefer a man's body to compliment mine. I'm not curvy, so he doesn't have to be dripping in muscles, but I'm not attracted to a dad bod or beanpole either. I just want healthy.
Beans 4 years ago
Dad bod doesn't necessarily equal unhealthy though. Just clarifying there. Like there are studies starting to show that being a bit chubby is not unhealthy as long as the person is active etc eats well etc and has ok muscle mass underneath. Not talking about obese. And beanpoles can be healthy too. My point is that its bad to judge people's health from their physical appearance. If you physically prefer someone that looks fit, sure. But you don't gotta be super fit to be healthy.
Load More Replies...
Malakai 4 years ago
Gender studies or no, I personally think the whole "female gaze" argument here is stupid. Imho, probably what's happening is stereotyping--there's a certain negative stereotype surrounding that particular kind of selfie men use, showing off muscles, staring at the phone, taking a picture of their reflection. Too many men who have turned out to be as*holes have repeatedly used this exact format and so the negative stereotype associated with that kind of image is a self-absorbed, vain jerk. It may or may not be true of this guy, but that's the impression being given off. In the hiking photo and the more "casual" one, though, he seems friendlier, and more candid images give off more approachable impressions. It's not so much that women don't care about attractiveness as they care about "does this guy give me a jerk vibe", and so a profile pic can make all the difference in how a guy comes across on social media.
Never Stop Twinkling™ 4 years ago (edited)
The thing is there are multiple layers when it comes to attraction for both women and men: some women are attracted to the aesthetics, other women are more attracted to personalities, some men are attracted to the aesthetics, other men are attracted to the personalities as well and etc. It's just that one or two of the mentioned groups are so much louder in almost every facet: in general media, unrealistic advertisements that people want measure up with, the celebrities/Instagram models and their fans and etc so much so it gives the illusion that these particular groups unfairly represent everyone when they really shouldn't. I'm a heterosexual male who really and genuinely believes that personality does matter no matter what but the modern societies automatically assume and expect me to like the Kardashian-body type, unrealistic curves and nothing else but that for whatever reason. And let's not forget about the double standard as people tend to shame for women for having particular preferences.
Mimi M 4 years ago
It is a misconception that women don't care about aesthetics or looks. They care very much - just each in their own individual way, not some predetermined 'macho' mold that a guy has to fit into. Having said that, it is good for a guy to try and make the best of himself - dress nicely, be reasonably fit, groomed, etc. Don't need to overdo it, but it does make a difference.
Load More Replies...
Mewton’s Third Paw 4 years ago
I mean... she never got to the explanation? Or it just doesn’t seem to be posted here. Either way, I kinda get what she’s saying. A guy can be hot, but nobody cares if he’s a bitch or a loser. Hotness isn’t the foot in the door for men, the way it is for women. We want more than that, and will accept a less attractive person if they have the cool factor, which makes them physically more attractive. Personally I want it all. Unnaturally smart, exceptionally good looking, ambitious, funny, all of it. I don’t think I could accept less in a partner. I think looks matter for most women, it’s just that we tie the physical attraction level in to how “cool / smart” a person is and those things can make a guy physically ugly if he’s lacking them. Rough deal if you ask me, but it’s how it goes.
Never Stop Twinkling™ 4 years ago
Well said, I have also been in the 'wanting it all'-boat for quite some time now. I feel that people are overrating looks too much which in turn creates an unhealthy balance versus if the personality is ideal or not. In my case a person could be extremely gorgeous like Marilyn Monroe but if she's screeching and being rude toward the staff at a restaurant then there would be no second date from my end, no matter how beautiful she is. I would always aim for balance in this case, beauty and personality in harmony and consistency.
Load More Replies... Marylen 4 years ago (edited)
I love attractive men... But I also love a 'non--douchy' attractive man. The problem for me would not be his look as he was before. If his only picture was the one hiking, it would be great. However, he doesn't smile in the two other pictures and doesn't seem to have a good personality. Give me muscles AND personality! :-)
Katchen 4 years ago
Yes, his facial expressions in his fit pictures makes him look unapproachable.
Load More Replies... Seabeast 4 years ago
Clean and well groomed is always sexy. One of the sexiest men I ever met was a coworker who really wasn't attractive in the conventional sense at all. But he was well groomed and well dressed and funny as all get out.
Jessica Aubé 4 years ago
Mewton isn’t entirely wrong Saying most woman may be incorrect but plenty of woman prefer what mewton is describing .. I sure do .. a well groomed well dressed man is a huge turn off for me .. it comes across as high maintenance.. I want a man who can go camping and hiking with me , who will help around the house and play with our kids .. a beard is hot .. a pretty boy isnt .. to me .. now if his hygiene is bad I’m out .. brush your teeth and don’t smell bad ..
Load More Replies... Ragnhild Nilsen 4 years ago
Not to forget: The extremely muscular type of men normally spend far too much time on achieving that type of body, and then (according to myself and most females) will be less likely to spend time with his partner and children. There is a big difference between the men who spend an hour or two playing ball, or going to the gym, and those who live for their exercise regimes.
Jupittance 4 years ago
Also if they're really ripped, they're probably on a supplement regimen which includes stuff that sometimes doesn't make you a fun person to be around.
Load More Replies... Aliquid A 4 years ago (edited)
I hate this level of generalizing. No "men", and "women" don't think that, some do. Maybe many do, but not "men", or "women". And my rant isn't the same as those whiners saying "not all men" about toxic masculinity posts, because those aren't talking about "men" they are talking about *toxic* masculinity (not all masculinity), where as this post implies *all* men subscribe to the "male power fantasy" and *all* women don't care about looks, which isn't even vaguely true. The one quality quote from this post is: “allowing yourself to see the world through someone else’s eyes helps you gain empathy for that person, and I think a lot of [people] lack empathy and understanding of how [other people] see the world”. --- edit --- Note that I'm talking about the overall article and how the message is presented, not the message itself. I shouldn't have been so confrontational with my post... but I guess that's what happens when you rant.
KatHat 4 years ago
This is her field of study. Let's assume she knows more than most of us posting our opinions. No, it doesn't mean our opinions are worthless, IF they reflect our personal experiences and make clear that's what they're doing. But this is literally her field of study. She knows more than me on this topic, and odds are good she knows more than you too.
Load More Replies... Mimi M 4 years ago (edited)
Women care a LOT about how men look - but not in the super-macho way that men think. That first pic was relaxed, fit, open, friendly, gentle, and sexy. Masculine but in a played-down way. Very attractive. The other pics were harsh, preening, arrogant, closed-off, selfish-looking and self-obsessed. Not kind, not gentle, not open, not attractive. So when I go online, I tend to see two extremes: Either the cocky-looking poser guy, or a guy who looks like he put zero effort into his pics - they look worse than someone's driver's license pic, and that's saying a lot. Like the person who took the pic thinks that women are blind and don't need to be visually attracted to a man. TBH, this is more common than the cocky-looking poser guy. I don''t know why. Someone needs to tell guys to put a bit of effort into their pics. If you are in your twenties and can look good no matter the angle, lighting, clothing, expression, etc, then fine. But once you are more mature, you need to make an effort.
Totally legit 4 years ago
True, some guys think their outside doesn't matter. But maybe they shouldn't be on online dating services...
Load More Replies... Bettie-Jean Neal 4 years ago
I prefer a fit man. There, I said it. I'm a size 6 and would prefer a man's body to compliment mine. I'm not curvy, so he doesn't have to be dripping in muscles, but I'm not attracted to a dad bod or beanpole either. I just want healthy.
Beans 4 years ago
Dad bod doesn't necessarily equal unhealthy though. Just clarifying there. Like there are studies starting to show that being a bit chubby is not unhealthy as long as the person is active etc eats well etc and has ok muscle mass underneath. Not talking about obese. And beanpoles can be healthy too. My point is that its bad to judge people's health from their physical appearance. If you physically prefer someone that looks fit, sure. But you don't gotta be super fit to be healthy.
Load More Replies... Malakai 4 years ago
Gender studies or no, I personally think the whole "female gaze" argument here is stupid. Imho, probably what's happening is stereotyping--there's a certain negative stereotype surrounding that particular kind of selfie men use, showing off muscles, staring at the phone, taking a picture of their reflection. Too many men who have turned out to be as*holes have repeatedly used this exact format and so the negative stereotype associated with that kind of image is a self-absorbed, vain jerk. It may or may not be true of this guy, but that's the impression being given off. In the hiking photo and the more "casual" one, though, he seems friendlier, and more candid images give off more approachable impressions. It's not so much that women don't care about attractiveness as they care about "does this guy give me a jerk vibe", and so a profile pic can make all the difference in how a guy comes across on social media.
Never Stop Twinkling™ 4 years ago (edited)
The thing is there are multiple layers when it comes to attraction for both women and men: some women are attracted to the aesthetics, other women are more attracted to personalities, some men are attracted to the aesthetics, other men are attracted to the personalities as well and etc. It's just that one or two of the mentioned groups are so much louder in almost every facet: in general media, unrealistic advertisements that people want measure up with, the celebrities/Instagram models and their fans and etc so much so it gives the illusion that these particular groups unfairly represent everyone when they really shouldn't. I'm a heterosexual male who really and genuinely believes that personality does matter no matter what but the modern societies automatically assume and expect me to like the Kardashian-body type, unrealistic curves and nothing else but that for whatever reason. And let's not forget about the double standard as people tend to shame for women for having particular preferences.
Mimi M 4 years ago
It is a misconception that women don't care about aesthetics or looks. They care very much - just each in their own individual way, not some predetermined 'macho' mold that a guy has to fit into. Having said that, it is good for a guy to try and make the best of himself - dress nicely, be reasonably fit, groomed, etc. Don't need to overdo it, but it does make a difference.
Load More Replies... Mewton’s Third Paw 4 years ago
I mean... she never got to the explanation? Or it just doesn’t seem to be posted here. Either way, I kinda get what she’s saying. A guy can be hot, but nobody cares if he’s a bitch or a loser. Hotness isn’t the foot in the door for men, the way it is for women. We want more than that, and will accept a less attractive person if they have the cool factor, which makes them physically more attractive. Personally I want it all. Unnaturally smart, exceptionally good looking, ambitious, funny, all of it. I don’t think I could accept less in a partner. I think looks matter for most women, it’s just that we tie the physical attraction level in to how “cool / smart” a person is and those things can make a guy physically ugly if he’s lacking them. Rough deal if you ask me, but it’s how it goes.
Never Stop Twinkling™ 4 years ago
Well said, I have also been in the 'wanting it all'-boat for quite some time now. I feel that people are overrating looks too much which in turn creates an unhealthy balance versus if the personality is ideal or not. In my case a person could be extremely gorgeous like Marilyn Monroe but if she's screeching and being rude toward the staff at a restaurant then there would be no second date from my end, no matter how beautiful she is. I would always aim for balance in this case, beauty and personality in harmony and consistency.
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