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Bride Refuses To Give Up Her Dream Wedding Venue For Sister’s Shotgun Wedding, So Her Family Turns Against Her
If you’re lucky, your family members, love, support, and inspire you. If you’re not so lucky, they’re selfish manipulative psychos who will turn against you the second they need something.
Reddit user u/paperweightfairy and her fiance have booked their dream wedding venue in advance. They weren’t in a rush, so it seemed perfectly fine to wait a bit and have the ceremony they both wanted. As the big day was nearing, however, her sister got pregnant. Which wouldn’t be a problem in itself. But the gal started pressuring paperweightfairy, demanding she and her fiance give up their wedding plans. And she wouldn’t stop even after hearing a polite “no.”
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Image credits: istockphoto / Motortion (not the actual photo)
“The relationship with my sister was always okay,” paperweightfairy told Bored Panda. “But it was because I gave in to her demands too easily (e.g when she was little, I would let her blow out my birthday cake candles, she would get a present. I would agree to do her chores so she could go out. I filled out her job applications because she didn’t know how to, etc.) The time we had a real sibling rivalry was on the day of my graduation when she had a fit.”
Luckily, nothing has changed between her and her fiance since it all began. “He is extremely mad at my family and doesn’t want them to come [to our wedding].”
However, her nan’s reaction really surprised paperweightfairy. “While we all coddled my sister for being the baby, my Nan never showed favoritism till this point.”
People said a lot of things to the bride
To clear things up, she posted a few updates of the situation
You probably couldn’t find a family without any hard times. During these family feuds, it’s important to think clearly. However, not letting emotions get the better of us is definitely easier said than done. Still, there are a few simple things you can do to make it easier for yourself:
- Stay true to the facts. When people are going back and forth, they might forget the essence of the issue. Therefore, it’s important to determine what it is that you’re fighting over and try to prevent the conflict from getting even bigger.
- Pause. We have a tendency to respond to a situation immediately because we want our voice to be heard. And if someone starts throwing accusations at us, it’s natural to try and defend ourselves. But putting some distance between you and whomever you are fighting with first is a very good idea. Gathering your thoughts could help both of you gain some perspective.
- Set boundaries. You need to set clear boundaries to maintain not only your safety but your sanity as well. Defining these limits very clearly and not letting anyone belittle what you’ve decided might actually save you a lot of energy.
- Redefine relationships. Lastly, if things continue to deteriorate and you ran out of options, you may have to redefine your relationship with that family member. The fact that you’re related doesn’t mean you must live in misery. Toxic dynamics don’t help anyone.
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Foxxy 6 years ago (edited)
The sister is extremely selfish to expect that of you. If it’s too stressful for her to organise a wedding whilst she is pregnant then she can wait til after the baby is born or get married at a registry office etc. There is no excuse for the sisters behaviour and just because she is pregnant does not give her the right to manipulate others to get her way and same goes to the rest of the family taking her side and trying to manipulate you also. So glad you have your in-laws and aunt to stand by you. Best wishes on your wedding day and hope all goes well.
varwenea 6 years ago
The sister and her family are basically all a******s. F**k off already. The good news is she is marrying into a logical and reasonable family that loves her for her.
Rebecca Bandy 4 years ago
She’s losing a toxic family and gaining a protective one. Sounds like a win-win.
Load More Replies...
anarkzie 6 years ago
I predict all the comments are going to say she should keep the venue so I'm going to be different and suggest that it be decided with Mortal Kombat, each sister choose a champion and have them fight to the death, winner gets the venue.
María Hermida 6 years ago
There's nothing to fight for. One sister booked in due time. The other didn't. Condoms are cheap.
Load More Replies...
Ivy 6 years ago
Yup, that's wedding for you! Won't be one without the drama. My mom had a proper meltdown because my dad whom she is divorced from was going to walk me down the aisle saying that was supposed to be her moment. She was further enraged by the fact that I invited my grandfather on my dads side and my stepbrothers that I've known for the last 15years. My sister didn't want to be a bridesmaid because she couldn't choose her outfit, but still cried because I didn't allocate hair or make up for her on the day so ended up taking my moms spot. They weren't there when I was getting ready and sat with grumpy stiff upper lip faces the entire night of the wedding. The morning after they came into our honeymoon suite picking a fight with us because we didn’t make them feel welcome. I can honestly say they ruined my wedding despite all the other really great memories I have of the day. Uninvite them and focus on the people that have your back.
Lucas 6 years ago
Wow - some people. It's your day, not your mother's. I don't think people must do everything a bride requests (cos Bridezilla's exist) but having your father walk you down the aisle and choosing your sister's dress are fairly normal wedding components! I see 'Don't Tell The Bride' sometimes and when mum's act like it's their day and they have some say... nuh-uh. You aren't paying, so you aren't saying.
Load More Replies...
Ema LTD 6 years ago
Yeah, I have a little spoiled sister myself. My mom used to blame me for her being unemployed, because obviously it was my responsibility to find her a job (at the time I was 26 and working in an IT company, and my sister was 24 and didn't know how to turn on the laundry machine). I told my mom that there are numerous websites with job offerings and she just needs to send out her CV. The response was - she doesn't have a CV, because she doesn't know how to write one. And I was the bad guy because I refused to write it for her. Love my family.
Carol Emory 6 years ago (edited)
Not all little sisters are that way. I actually paved the way for my older sister to get into college long after she thought it was impossible for her to get an education. And while I got a meager Law Enforcement and Forensic Anthropology degree..my sister goes out and gets an Environmental Engineering and Accounting degree. Mine was delayed due to raising and autistic son..her was delayed from taking care of our father before he passed. But we are still supportive of each other and have each other's backs. I would never ask my sister to give up a day that is so important to her and steal her glory. Some families are just more understanding than others. And I've always lived by the philosophy..if you want something..you have to earn it..it will not be handed to you. Wondering why your mother couldn't take the time to find her a job or help her write a CV if she thinks it's so out of your sister's capabilities to do it on her own.
Load More Replies...
hobbitly 6 years ago
So the dad tells her 'its just a venue'. Doesnt that logic also applies for the sister? She can easily get married somewhere else, its just a venue.
Vicky Zar 6 years ago
But its not "just a venue" for the pregnant sister! Obviously this is very important to her and we wouldn't want to the spoilt little sister sad, would we?
Load More Replies...
Daria Z 6 years ago
Having a baby inside is not a 'permit' to have everything you want. I understand she's on hormones but still... Responsible adult people shouldn't expect to get what they want by crying fits. After all, it'll teach her restraint she'll definitely need when the baby appears.
Lucas 6 years ago
Why would anyone even ask this? How utterly selfish. Being pregnant doesn't mean everyone has to run around in small circles arranging your life for you. After all the hard work and anticipation? Clearly didn't offer to pay for it either. Sis is going to have a nasty shock when she realises the baby isn't going to raise itself and she'll need to pull her weight. Good grief.
Binxyminxem 6 years ago
Hopefully the sister won't expect the parents to take care of their grandchild all the time!
Load More Replies...
Marizaan Hennop 6 years ago
I feel sorry for you. Weddings make family go crazy. We had our fair share of stress with my family as well because I didn't invite my one brother to the wedding, since we haven't spoken for 3 years prior to our wedding. We fought a lot and I just decided to cut him out of my life. My dad also threatened not to come, mom was crying also saying she will not go if my dad does not go. We just stood by our decision and said f**k it. If you don't want to turn up, it's your own choice. Luckily my dad realized his threats just made it worse and he apologized and they did show up. Stand your ground. I hope they come to their senses, but if not, be ready to have people there that actually care about you even if it excludes them. For crying out load, I mean they can wait until after the birth in any case if it's stressing her out that much.
Leodavinci 6 years ago
Exactly. If sister has a medical condition aggravated by stress, then she ought to be in a hospital, not at a wedding... particularly her own.
Load More Replies...
Bonnie Blue Bird 6 years ago
"Don't negotiate with terrorists" ... this is the perfect mentality when dealing with manipulative family!
Foxxy 6 years ago (edited)
The sister is extremely selfish to expect that of you. If it’s too stressful for her to organise a wedding whilst she is pregnant then she can wait til after the baby is born or get married at a registry office etc. There is no excuse for the sisters behaviour and just because she is pregnant does not give her the right to manipulate others to get her way and same goes to the rest of the family taking her side and trying to manipulate you also. So glad you have your in-laws and aunt to stand by you. Best wishes on your wedding day and hope all goes well.
varwenea 6 years ago
The sister and her family are basically all a******s. F**k off already. The good news is she is marrying into a logical and reasonable family that loves her for her.
Rebecca Bandy 4 years ago
She’s losing a toxic family and gaining a protective one. Sounds like a win-win.
Load More Replies... anarkzie 6 years ago
I predict all the comments are going to say she should keep the venue so I'm going to be different and suggest that it be decided with Mortal Kombat, each sister choose a champion and have them fight to the death, winner gets the venue.
María Hermida 6 years ago
There's nothing to fight for. One sister booked in due time. The other didn't. Condoms are cheap.
Load More Replies... Ivy 6 years ago
Yup, that's wedding for you! Won't be one without the drama. My mom had a proper meltdown because my dad whom she is divorced from was going to walk me down the aisle saying that was supposed to be her moment. She was further enraged by the fact that I invited my grandfather on my dads side and my stepbrothers that I've known for the last 15years. My sister didn't want to be a bridesmaid because she couldn't choose her outfit, but still cried because I didn't allocate hair or make up for her on the day so ended up taking my moms spot. They weren't there when I was getting ready and sat with grumpy stiff upper lip faces the entire night of the wedding. The morning after they came into our honeymoon suite picking a fight with us because we didn’t make them feel welcome. I can honestly say they ruined my wedding despite all the other really great memories I have of the day. Uninvite them and focus on the people that have your back.
Lucas 6 years ago
Wow - some people. It's your day, not your mother's. I don't think people must do everything a bride requests (cos Bridezilla's exist) but having your father walk you down the aisle and choosing your sister's dress are fairly normal wedding components! I see 'Don't Tell The Bride' sometimes and when mum's act like it's their day and they have some say... nuh-uh. You aren't paying, so you aren't saying.
Load More Replies... Ema LTD 6 years ago
Yeah, I have a little spoiled sister myself. My mom used to blame me for her being unemployed, because obviously it was my responsibility to find her a job (at the time I was 26 and working in an IT company, and my sister was 24 and didn't know how to turn on the laundry machine). I told my mom that there are numerous websites with job offerings and she just needs to send out her CV. The response was - she doesn't have a CV, because she doesn't know how to write one. And I was the bad guy because I refused to write it for her. Love my family.
Carol Emory 6 years ago (edited)
Not all little sisters are that way. I actually paved the way for my older sister to get into college long after she thought it was impossible for her to get an education. And while I got a meager Law Enforcement and Forensic Anthropology degree..my sister goes out and gets an Environmental Engineering and Accounting degree. Mine was delayed due to raising and autistic son..her was delayed from taking care of our father before he passed. But we are still supportive of each other and have each other's backs. I would never ask my sister to give up a day that is so important to her and steal her glory. Some families are just more understanding than others. And I've always lived by the philosophy..if you want something..you have to earn it..it will not be handed to you. Wondering why your mother couldn't take the time to find her a job or help her write a CV if she thinks it's so out of your sister's capabilities to do it on her own.
Load More Replies... hobbitly 6 years ago
So the dad tells her 'its just a venue'. Doesnt that logic also applies for the sister? She can easily get married somewhere else, its just a venue.
Vicky Zar 6 years ago
But its not "just a venue" for the pregnant sister! Obviously this is very important to her and we wouldn't want to the spoilt little sister sad, would we?
Load More Replies... Daria Z 6 years ago
Having a baby inside is not a 'permit' to have everything you want. I understand she's on hormones but still... Responsible adult people shouldn't expect to get what they want by crying fits. After all, it'll teach her restraint she'll definitely need when the baby appears.
Lucas 6 years ago
Why would anyone even ask this? How utterly selfish. Being pregnant doesn't mean everyone has to run around in small circles arranging your life for you. After all the hard work and anticipation? Clearly didn't offer to pay for it either. Sis is going to have a nasty shock when she realises the baby isn't going to raise itself and she'll need to pull her weight. Good grief.
Binxyminxem 6 years ago
Hopefully the sister won't expect the parents to take care of their grandchild all the time!
Load More Replies... Marizaan Hennop 6 years ago
I feel sorry for you. Weddings make family go crazy. We had our fair share of stress with my family as well because I didn't invite my one brother to the wedding, since we haven't spoken for 3 years prior to our wedding. We fought a lot and I just decided to cut him out of my life. My dad also threatened not to come, mom was crying also saying she will not go if my dad does not go. We just stood by our decision and said f**k it. If you don't want to turn up, it's your own choice. Luckily my dad realized his threats just made it worse and he apologized and they did show up. Stand your ground. I hope they come to their senses, but if not, be ready to have people there that actually care about you even if it excludes them. For crying out load, I mean they can wait until after the birth in any case if it's stressing her out that much.
Leodavinci 6 years ago
Exactly. If sister has a medical condition aggravated by stress, then she ought to be in a hospital, not at a wedding... particularly her own.
Load More Replies... Bonnie Blue Bird 6 years ago
"Don't negotiate with terrorists" ... this is the perfect mentality when dealing with manipulative family!
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