Your Checmical Weekend Party Favors Are Ending Up In The Water, Giving Salmon Wanderlust

Somewhere in a Swedish lake right now, a salmon is having the time of its life. It is swimming farther than its friends and exploring territory it has no business exploring. It has not made any questionable decisions at a house party. Yes. It has simply been living downstream from human civilization, absorbing whatever we have been putting into the water, and then swam enthusiastically in the wrong direction. We have all been there.

A study published in Current Biology by researchers at the Swedish University of Agricultural Sciences has confirmed what we have all suspected if you have spent a reasonable amount of time in a European capital: illicit substances are in the water. But what about the critters in the contaminated water? Are they having a good time, too?

The answer was damning, and opened a whole new can of tuna. Because last weekend’s lines are not the only thing in there, and the fish are not the only ones affected. The further you pull on this particular thread, the less funny it gets.

What researchers found when they actually looked at what our rivers are doing to the animals in them should set off major alarm bells, and probably cause you to delete your dealer’s number.