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Every writer aspires to write a killer opening line for their story. However, some of them try too hard to instantly capture the reader's attention, and fail hilariously. Thanks to the writer Adam Cadre, who has held the Lyttle Lytton Contest since 2001, we have a huge amount of absolutely horrendous first-liners not only to laugh at, but also learn from. Each entry is accompanied by Adam's witty commentary, that could maybe help improve your writing!
Adam was inspired to create his own contest after borrowing the idea from the annual Bulwer-Lytton contest, which also 'celebrates' the worst opening sentences of novels. As Adam explained in his website, the original contest started getting a little too "unwieldy" for his taste, so in turn, he created a contest with entries no longer than 33 words.
Read the best submissions of 2018 below, and tell us what you think in the comments.
More info: adamcadre.ac
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Eric‑san had only one goal in life: make Kimiko‑chan his waifu‑chan.
Wannes Aelbrecht 7 years ago
"Waifu" (fandom slang) A fictional female character from non-live-action visual media (typically an anime, manga or video game) to whom one is attracted. "Chan" is an honorific typically reserved for girls who are cute/sweet or young girls. Also something you can call your girlfriend(which is the case here)
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Duane DeKrey 7 years ago
She was uncomfortable, something was just not right, it was a feeling like a guy born with green and yellow shoes on sitting in a Case IH.
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#2
A tear rolled down her face like a tractor. “David,” she said tearfully, “I don’t want to be a farmer no more.”
Amy O'Rear Stewart 7 years ago
The tears rolling down her cheek left plowed lines in her makeup, that reminded him of a tractor furrowing the field.
Honesty Olishia 7 years ago
To be honest I would actually love to read this. Sounds hilarious. Does anyone know where it came from?
#3
Dany approached the castle. (If you’ve forgotten about Dany, reread books 3‑6). In her hand, she held the sword Justificier (reread book 7), still bearing the blood of Durin (reread book 9).
#4
Agent Gunner Storm closed his steely grey eyes and pictured the erotic sphere of Lady Liberty’s bare breast as he thrust into the terrorist princess.
#5
As I felt the vampire sexily drinking the blood from my neck, the warmth between my legs grew both in wetness and in fear for my life.
Hans 7 years ago
Actually, using the adverb to "sexy" mandates a lifetime ban from writing.
Load More Replies... Randy Inbred 7 years ago
Loss of control of bodily functions is a side effect of vampire attacks.
#6
The girl with the vegan pork regarded me with eyes more kind than the nonviolence on her plate.
#7
The tongue has no bones, but it is strong enough to break a heart.
Terror from Beyond Space 7 years ago
Sticks and stones can break my bones, but tongues will never hurt me!
Daria B 7 years ago
Or so we tend to think. Tongues carry saliva, home of bacteria and viruses. One fatal cough is all it takes.
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Amanda Raynes 7 years ago
Fun fact: your tongue has a bone, the hyoid. It is the only non jointed bone in the body.
#8
She walked in with a dress the paralyzing green of the BlackWidow Ultimate Stealth 2014 Edition Elite Mechanical Gaming Keyboard by Razer (4.5 stars, 37 customer reviews)
Amelia Junge 7 years ago
Damn, this is an actual product! Copy and paste it into google!!!!!
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#9
Let me tell you about Sally. Her tits were good.
Honesty Olishia 7 years ago
Charles you biscuit arsed nincompoop...How would you feel if someone said that to, perhaps, your childhood nanny, or your sister? Women aren't objects, so get stuffed!
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Agnes Jekyll 7 years ago
I'm sorry, but this is a great opening line for a novel. I'm laughing already!
Marlowe Fitzpatrik 7 years ago
Ok, this could actually catch my interest. Not because I'm interested in Sally's tits, but about what kind of person would start a conversation like this
Queen of All Media 5 years ago
I kinda like this one. It's like: "There isn't much to say about Sally other than the fact that her tits were good" xDD
Wannes Aelbrecht 7 years ago
This seems like a great start for a "I-don't-care-about-other-people" MC You know the one that is totally rude and pisses everyone off, but is also honest and somehow has the right ideas about the world?
#10
“It looks like this continent is out of water,” I said in Antarctica, as a rookery of penguins waddled thirstily by.
#11
I had always been the kind of woman to put my career first, but as I prepared to abandon my crying children to go to work for the hundredth time, a thought struck me—“Was this His plan for me?”
#12
You find a cave (you’re a male Half‑elf). The female Full‑elves inside try to restrain their libidos, but that’s like butterfly nets trying to stop 100 mph of uncooked rice.
Misterscooter 7 years ago
If I've learned anything, it is to never catch raw rice with a butterfly net. Cooked, maybe, but not right out of the bag.
Wannes Aelbrecht 7 years ago
I also like that 100 mph of uncooked rice isn't a quantity but rather a production value. So we get hundred miles of uncooked rice(which has been laid in a straight line of course) going through these butterfly nets each hour.
#13
My lamestream friends told me to start dating again, but I knew the jet fuel of love couldn’t melt the steel beams of my heart.
Wannes Aelbrecht 7 years ago
Take away the lamestream adjective and this is just a great opening line
#15
Commander B. G. Robinson is very feminine and graciously endowed: everything she has two of are perfectly matched, coordinated, and move with a wonderful grace that is called “woman.”
#16
Tad quit school to paint the canvas of Google Maps, his dad’s Camry his brush and his mind his own.
#17
“Thou must bewarest of woman, little Abu,” quoth wisely the Master. “For while her eyes holdeth the sweetness of a hundred dates, her lips holdeth the sting of a thousand scorpions.”
Wannes Aelbrecht 7 years ago
That's assuming the scorpions are spread equally across the dates. She could have started out with less scorpions on the first dates and gradually build up, so as not to prematurely scare the poor guy away.
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Martha Meyer 7 years ago
This is wrong use of Shakespearean grammar, urgghh! If you are gonna do it, at least do it right!
#18
The puddle detective Amelia Stone stepped into reminded her of a pool of blood or sins as dark as the muddy water.
#19
THE BULLET JOURNAL OF KELSEY JOY To‑Do: 1/1 - 1/7 * Three‑year anniversary w/ partner in crime!!! ^ Appointment w/ ob/gyn - Study for LSAT + Solve sister’s murder
#20
The brute was reminiscent of an ancient Ethiopian warrior, bristling with muscle and melanin, yet Charlie was unfazed.
#21
Joe just looks at me with that stupid look, covered in flowing blood, going onto his shirt like ketchup randomness, so much messier and more random than I could ever plan.
#22
Our eyes are always pointing at things we are interested in approaching, or investigating, or looking at, or having.
#23
I dance with English, and our tale is only just beginning.
#24
Texas “Cheap Shot” Jack, the famous Newark poker player, sighed about his life. Matters of the heart—unlike the hearts he held in his hand—could not be folded so easily.
Marlowe Fitzpatrik 7 years ago
Wow... this sounds like a beginning of a fanfiction-story that I would not continue reading.
Luca Gotta 7 years ago
"I wish I could make Sarah fall in love with me, just like I'm going to make your money fall in my pockets. Royal straight flush of hearts. I told you, bitches."
#25
There is no human hunger like unto the hunger for pride.
#26
Queen Aquareine had a stern look upon her beautiful face. Cap’n Bill guessed from this look that the mermaid was angry.
A1Rmine MC 7 years ago
It was made more obvious by the fact that she was on the toilet and making strange grunting noises as her face turned bright red as she saw Cap'n Bill watching her.
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Jeff Sandve 7 years ago
This could be a good opening line if it's a humour book. Seems almost Pratchett - like
#27
General Clap did not understand the way of the ancient warrior. However, the Shadow Wolves did.
LittleMissPerfect 7 years ago
Omigosh!!! Shadow wolves from the Medoran Chronicles!!! Sprays was sooooo cute!!!
#28
The atmospheric molecules that filled the Rose Bowl were in full vibration as kickoff approached.
#29
Meghan Markle could not wait to say yes to Prince Harry when he proposed during a cosy night in over a roast chicken.
Danby Drongo 7 years ago
Jeepers F**K! Who the f**k plagiarised all my f*****g good f*****g lines...????
#30
Unhesitantly I skydove, commending my body into the lightweight but capable hands of my parachute.
Rebecca Norman 7 years ago
The other parachute model we considered also had legs but that was just a little bit too weird.
Line Rasquin 7 years ago
I just want you to know I registered on this website just to upvote your comment.
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What do you think ?
Adi Capdefier 7 years ago
The title is misleading as these are not opening lines from actual novels. They were written for a contest of worst possible opening lines.
Halldora Landvik 7 years ago
Not all of these are novels. Some seem to be newspaper articles and less than 33 word isn't really a novel; maybe short story.
Sandra Jackson 7 years ago
A few errors: The contest is the Bulwer-Lytton Contest. It was started in 1982, not in 2001; and it's run by the English Department of San Jose State University in San Jose, California. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bulwer-Lytton_Fiction_Contest
Adi Capdefier 7 years ago
The title is misleading as these are not opening lines from actual novels. They were written for a contest of worst possible opening lines.
Halldora Landvik 7 years ago
Not all of these are novels. Some seem to be newspaper articles and less than 33 word isn't really a novel; maybe short story.
Sandra Jackson 7 years ago
A few errors: The contest is the Bulwer-Lytton Contest. It was started in 1982, not in 2001; and it's run by the English Department of San Jose State University in San Jose, California. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bulwer-Lytton_Fiction_Contest
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