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Every writer aspires to write a killer opening line for their story. However, some of them try too hard to instantly capture the reader's attention, and fail hilariously. Thanks to the writer Adam Cadre, who has held the Lyttle Lytton Contest since 2001, we have a huge amount of absolutely horrendous first-liners not only to laugh at, but also learn from. Each entry is accompanied by Adam's witty commentary, that could maybe help improve your writing!
Adam was inspired to create his own contest after borrowing the idea from the annual Bulwer-Lytton contest, which also 'celebrates' the worst opening sentences of novels. As Adam explained in his website, the original contest started getting a little too "unwieldy" for his taste, so in turn, he created a contest with entries no longer than 33 words.
Read the best submissions of 2018 below, and tell us what you think in the comments.
More info: adamcadre.ac
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Eric‑san had only one goal in life: make Kimiko‑chan his waifu‑chan.
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#2
A tear rolled down her face like a tractor. “David,” she said tearfully, “I don’t want to be a farmer no more.”
#3
Dany approached the castle. (If you’ve forgotten about Dany, reread books 3‑6). In her hand, she held the sword Justificier (reread book 7), still bearing the blood of Durin (reread book 9).
#4
Agent Gunner Storm closed his steely grey eyes and pictured the erotic sphere of Lady Liberty’s bare breast as he thrust into the terrorist princess.
#5
As I felt the vampire sexily drinking the blood from my neck, the warmth between my legs grew both in wetness and in fear for my life.
#6
The girl with the vegan pork regarded me with eyes more kind than the nonviolence on her plate.
#7
The tongue has no bones, but it is strong enough to break a heart.
Terror from Beyond Space 7 years ago
Sticks and stones can break my bones, but tongues will never hurt me!
#8
She walked in with a dress the paralyzing green of the BlackWidow Ultimate Stealth 2014 Edition Elite Mechanical Gaming Keyboard by Razer (4.5 stars, 37 customer reviews)
#9
Let me tell you about Sally. Her tits were good.
#10
“It looks like this continent is out of water,” I said in Antarctica, as a rookery of penguins waddled thirstily by.
#11
I had always been the kind of woman to put my career first, but as I prepared to abandon my crying children to go to work for the hundredth time, a thought struck me—“Was this His plan for me?”
#12
You find a cave (you’re a male Half‑elf). The female Full‑elves inside try to restrain their libidos, but that’s like butterfly nets trying to stop 100 mph of uncooked rice.
#13
My lamestream friends told me to start dating again, but I knew the jet fuel of love couldn’t melt the steel beams of my heart.
#15
Commander B. G. Robinson is very feminine and graciously endowed: everything she has two of are perfectly matched, coordinated, and move with a wonderful grace that is called “woman.”
#16
Tad quit school to paint the canvas of Google Maps, his dad’s Camry his brush and his mind his own.
#17
“Thou must bewarest of woman, little Abu,” quoth wisely the Master. “For while her eyes holdeth the sweetness of a hundred dates, her lips holdeth the sting of a thousand scorpions.”
#18
The puddle detective Amelia Stone stepped into reminded her of a pool of blood or sins as dark as the muddy water.
#19
THE BULLET JOURNAL OF KELSEY JOY To‑Do: 1/1 - 1/7 * Three‑year anniversary w/ partner in crime!!! ^ Appointment w/ ob/gyn - Study for LSAT + Solve sister’s murder
#20
The brute was reminiscent of an ancient Ethiopian warrior, bristling with muscle and melanin, yet Charlie was unfazed.
#21
Joe just looks at me with that stupid look, covered in flowing blood, going onto his shirt like ketchup randomness, so much messier and more random than I could ever plan.
#22
Our eyes are always pointing at things we are interested in approaching, or investigating, or looking at, or having.
#23
I dance with English, and our tale is only just beginning.
#24
Texas “Cheap Shot” Jack, the famous Newark poker player, sighed about his life. Matters of the heart—unlike the hearts he held in his hand—could not be folded so easily.
Marlowe Fitzpatrik 7 years ago
Wow... this sounds like a beginning of a fanfiction-story that I would not continue reading.
#26
Queen Aquareine had a stern look upon her beautiful face. Cap’n Bill guessed from this look that the mermaid was angry.
#27
General Clap did not understand the way of the ancient warrior. However, the Shadow Wolves did.
#28
The atmospheric molecules that filled the Rose Bowl were in full vibration as kickoff approached.
#29
Meghan Markle could not wait to say yes to Prince Harry when he proposed during a cosy night in over a roast chicken.
Danby Drongo 7 years ago
Jeepers F**K! Who the f**k plagiarised all my f*****g good f*****g lines...????
#30
Unhesitantly I skydove, commending my body into the lightweight but capable hands of my parachute.
Rebecca Norman 7 years ago
The other parachute model we considered also had legs but that was just a little bit too weird.
What do you think ?
Adi Capdefier 7 years ago
The title is misleading as these are not opening lines from actual novels. They were written for a contest of worst possible opening lines.
Halldora Landvik 7 years ago
Not all of these are novels. Some seem to be newspaper articles and less than 33 word isn't really a novel; maybe short story.
Sandra Jackson 7 years ago
A few errors: The contest is the Bulwer-Lytton Contest. It was started in 1982, not in 2001; and it's run by the English Department of San Jose State University in San Jose, California. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bulwer-Lytton_Fiction_Contest
Adi Capdefier 7 years ago
The title is misleading as these are not opening lines from actual novels. They were written for a contest of worst possible opening lines.
Halldora Landvik 7 years ago
Not all of these are novels. Some seem to be newspaper articles and less than 33 word isn't really a novel; maybe short story.
Sandra Jackson 7 years ago
A few errors: The contest is the Bulwer-Lytton Contest. It was started in 1982, not in 2001; and it's run by the English Department of San Jose State University in San Jose, California. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bulwer-Lytton_Fiction_Contest
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