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“What I Came Home To Was Startling”: 43 Stories Of Truly Awful Boyfriends And Husbands From May
The internet is positively littered with stories of someone’s partner being absolutely terrible. It’s the sort of thing that’s best experienced secondhand, both to show just how unpleasant some men can be and to showcase how entitled, toxic partners behave.
So we’ve gathered the worst stories of people’s toxic boyfriends and husbands from this May. Get comfortable as you read through, thank your lucky stars if this isn’t relatable, upvote your favorites and if some of these sound familiar, be sure to share your own examples in the comments section down below.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Caught Him Cheating
I (38F) walked in on my fiancé (43M) cheating with a woman (48F) that we both know. This woman is also married. Would it be right or wrong to inform her spouse? If I were him I would want to be told. But I realize some people are happy living in denial or ignorance and wouldn’t want to deal with the challenges something like this would ultimately create.
So I’d like opinions on if I should talk to her husband about it or not…
Spencers slave no more 12 hours ago
If I'm being cheated on, then the partner of the cheater deserves to know too.
RELATED:
#2
My BF (M26) Just Told Me (F29) That I Can't Meet His Mom Because Of Her Views. I Think I Need To Leave Him But Getting Told I'm Being Childish. Am I Being Childish Or Is He A Racist?
Hi, I (29f) have been with my bf for 9 months. I have 3 daughters from my previous marriage and he has no kids.
Bf (26m) was telling me that his step dad was going to pass away soon and he asked that my bf help his mom take care of his 3 little siblings (all under 10). He was freaking out because he has never been a dad before so I offered to help him but he replies "you will never meet my mom". I was confused and shocked. I asked why and he said, "well its because of how you and your ex raised your kids". I ask for him to elaborate and this is what he says, "Because you are raising your kids in a mixed family and there is research showing that mixing kids causes a 30% chance of birth defects. Plus you're erasing your culture while mixing 2 cultures together like a melting pot". My ex husband is Native American/ Mexican. I am German and I think Polish but was adopted/raised by my family (Mexican/Spanish) since I was 2 months old.
We get into a HUGE scientific argument. I end the discussion by saying he is believing Pseudoscience and I wasn't going to discuss this further. Then I ended the relationship. I said I can't be with someone like that. He says he loves my kids and doesn't blame me because I brain washed into thinking race mixing is ok. Our friends are calling me crazy for leaving him and saying he can do better because I am being childish. Am I childish or is he being racist???
(Small update) Due to people saying I should drop my friends too, I slid into our discord VC and talked to 2 of them who were up. I asked why they thought I was childish and there reasoning is because "if you get with someone, youre supposed to make them better, so if you have an issue with his beliefs because they are 'immoral" you need to help him change for the better". I left the discord after that chat.
(Update) I blocked him everywhere and I woke up to people on Facebook telling me an account (him) is sending messages to call CPS on me because I'm [mistreating] the kids and I'm letting my ex (their dad) SA them.
Spencers slave no more 12 hours ago
This was a confusing read BUT, the boyfriend, his friends and his family come across as racist. She really needs to find a genuine partner who is happy with the kids, regardless.
#3
My (25f) Husband (26m) Almost Burned The House Down With Our Baby Inside
Looking to rant and for any advice on next steps.
Me and my husband have been splitting the nights. He takes the baby from 8pm-12am and then I have him from then on. He has fallen asleep multiple times during his shifts where I then have to take over when I hear the baby screaming. He will not wake up for the baby crying at all so he tries to stay awake for his whole shift.
Then last night, my husband left a pizza in the oven for over 2 hours while he fell asleep, during his shift. The baby was in the bassinet in the kitchen screaming when I woke up. The kitchen was filled with smoke and my husband was soundly asleep on the living room couch. Upon waking him up, he didn’t even realize what was wrong and insisted it wasn’t a big deal. I was so upset and angry. The baby was breathing in smoke for at least an hour and the oven was close to catching on fire.
The baby is fine after monitoring and my husband says he understands the severity of what happened now. He has apologized and assured me it won’t happen again. I still feel very upset and I definitely don’t trust him.
Has anything similar happened to you? I’m not sure what to do next…
#4
My Boyfriend Turned Into A Slob While I Was In The Hospital
I (33f) was in the hospital for three days. I had surgery for a dental abscess and some extractions. I had been dealing with significant tooth pain for about a week prior so I hadn’t been on top of cleaning the house. It was messy when we went to the ER and I didn’t expect to be admitted but what I came home to was startling.
The house was not cleaned a lick while I was gone. Not a dish was washed or a surface cleaned. Almost all of our dishes were dirty, both sinks and the counter full of dirty dishes. Nothing was put away, it sat in the spot it was left in. Crumbs and food on the couch. It was a pigsty and that feels like an understatement. It was disgusting.
My boyfriend (34m) says he shut down from the stress and worry and I want to be understanding but gosh I feel so hurt.
Last night he promised to make it up to me and help me get the house cleaned up. I wasn’t feeling well, took some medicine and went to bed. I even texted him to remind him that he promised to clean up. This was at 7:30.
He didn’t clean a thing. He [messed] around watching something on his phone for a while he went to sleep on the couch.
We’ve been together five years and this is sadly a pattern for him I think. Similar things happened when i had health issues in the past. even if I just go out of town for a few days, he just does….nothing.
He always promises to get better but this obviously is going to continue to be a pattern.
How do I make him understand?
I’m at a loss for words. I don’t know what to do or say. My birthday is tomorrow, and I just want my home to feel like home.
tldr; had dental surgery and my boyfriend let the house turn into a trash heap, now I'm stuck cleaning it all up.
#5
Husband ‘31m’ Won’t Check Up Me ‘28f’ And Baby After A Fight
On Monday, my husband and I got into a big argument over cleaning supplies I asked him to help pay for because I was short on money that week. He said they were unnecessary, and the argument escalated. During the fight he called me ungrateful and said I’m a bad wife. I then said he was greedy and selfish. He got so mad that he ripped up plants I had planted that morning and later tore apart the flowers he bought me for Mother’s Day and threw them in the trash. I was shocked and upset, especially while caring for our 4-month-old baby who started crying during everything.
I felt unsafe and emotionally overwhelmed, so I packed a bag and went to my mom’s house with the baby. He watched us leave without saying anything or trying to stop us. It’s been a couple of days, and he still hasn’t checked on us, apologized, or tried to talk about what happened. I feel strongly that I need communication and accountability from him before going back because I’m always the one who breaks the silence and tries to fix things. Am I irrational for wanting an apology before returning home? How can he not even check up on his baby?
Update: I came home to grab more clothes, he didn’t say a word until the baby started crying he said “let me hold her” I said no. He got mad and said that he sees where this marriage stands, he said I’m the abuser and that I’m using the baby to manipulate him. He said I abandoned him. He took no accountability and remorse and said he ripped my plants because I disrespected him.
#6
Guy Im Seeing 38m? Has Been Lying To Me 24f
I have been seeing this guy for about three months now. The relationship moved quite fast - we've been sleeping together, I frequently stay over and we took a getaway to the mountains. I was slightly hesitant to date him because of the 12 year age gap between us but I decided to give him a chance. I was growing really fond of him and the connection we shared.
Well, this morning, I was fiddling in his house and I came across his passport and decided to glance at it. He is 52. Not 38. He's been lying to me about what was a 12 year age gap, has now become a 27 year age gap. I feel sick to my stomach.
I confronted him and he immediately admitted it, claiming it was a small lie that snowballed at the start and he didn't know how to tell me because he wanted me to give us a chance.
I feel deceived, used, lied to and very stupid. I guess my question is how do I handle this moving forward? I like him but this feels like too much - the age gap, the lies. My emotions are all over the place and I don't really know what to do. Thank you in advance for any advice!
#7
My Partner (32m) Constantly Ignores Me (35f) When I Speak Directly To Him
Been together for 10 years. He’s gotten way more disrespectful and rude since we had our son.
Anyways. We’ve fallen into the dynamic where I have to orchestrate almost everything in terms of house chores, toddler care, etc. so I am seen as “the nag,” because most of the time he is unreliable at looking around and being proactive about things.
Whenever he is slightly annoyed with me (which is about 95% of the time - he is majorly irritable literally all the time these days) he straight up ignores me. Won’t reply at all. Doesn’t say a word.
“Can you please refill xyz when you’ve use it all up?”
Radio silence.
“Can you please change him into his jammies?” Etc etc
Radio silence.
I eventually say “did you hear what I said?” And he snaps “YES I friggin’ heard you!” and I say “well, you didn’t reply at all, so I was just verifying you heard me.”
He does this in front of our child all the time. He is almost 2.
Tonight I said straight up (after dozens and dozens of other times over the years) “if I speak directly to you, I need a reply. You are teaching our son how to treat everyone else around him, and I won’t tolerate that at all. Be respectful, reply to me when I speak directly to you”
And he said “oH mY gOd WhAt WoUlD pEoPlE tHiNk iF I HaD aN aUdIo CLIp Of YoU rIgHt NoW!”
And when I pointed out that what he’s doing is not normal or respectful or okay, he told me “what about what you just did!? You’re such a gaslighter!” WHAT I JUST DID was ask him to finish what needed doing in the kitchen before he went to bed, because I was just about to go to put our toddler to bed.
What should I even do here? I feel so unbelievably disrespected and the fact that he does it in front of our child is not okay with me.
We do not have money for therapy.
TLDR: partner completely ignores me when I speak directly to him in front of my child. What should I do?
#8
My Boyfriend (28m) Basically Lives In My (25f) Apartment But Gets Angry When I Ask About Rent. How Do Couples Normally Split This Stuff?
I (25F) been dating my boyfriend (28M) for around 1 year and 4 months. We dont officially live together but honestly he is in my apartment almost every single day now. He sleeps here maybe 5-6 nights every week, showers here, eats here, bring his gaming setup here sometimes, even his work clothes are in my closet now.
At first I didnt care because I love him and wanted him around. But lately it's starting make me feel stressed because my bills got much higher. Electric, water, food everything. I live alone and my apartment is small so I notice it alot.
The problem is whenever I try talk about money he gets weird and defensive.
Last week I asked if maybe he can help a little with rent or bills since he stays here more then his own place now. I tried say it very calmly. He got quiet first then started saying relationships should not feel “transactional” and if he starts paying then its “not romantic anymore.”
What confused me is he actually makes more money than me. Not crazy rich but still more stable. He buys expensive shoes and spends money on games and eating outside with friends, so its not like he is struggling.
Then yesterday something happened that made me more upset.
I came home from work and saw he invited 3 friends over to my apartment without asking me first. They were drinking beer, using my TV and ordered food with my account because he “forgot his wallet.” I got angry and after his friends left we argued badly.
He told me I’m acting like landlord instead of girlfriend.
I asked him then why does he act like my apartment is free hotel.
Now he barely talking to me and saying I embarrassed him.
My older sister (31F) says I already let this go too far and now he feels entitled to my place. But one of my friends (24M) says maybe he just got comfortable and I should have made clearer boundaries earlier.
How do people usually handle this when one partner slowly starts living at the others apartment? Is asking for rent/bills normal in this situation and how do I bring it up without making relationship feel like business deal?
Kate Johnson 7 hours ago
He's a loser and a mooch. Nothing worth saving here, just dump the chump.
#9
Partner (26m) Left Me (26f) After I Got Diagnosed With High Risk HPV After Four Years Of Being Together
My fiancé and I were together for 4 years, around a month ago we broke it off due to fundamental issues with our relationship. We lacked respect for each other and treated each other as roommates. He moved out and was planning on getting his own apartment. We wanted to work through our problems and see if we could be better for each other. Things were going well, we were talking and going on dates and things felt really nice.
Around 2 months ago before the split I got a routine pap smear, they called me yesterday to tell me I had an abnormal pap smear and was positive for HPV. I immediately called my partner and told him I had the virus. He was very upset and accused me of cheating. I am not sure if he or I had the virus first but he has had much less sexual partners than me so I feel like the blame is on me.
After he did some research of his own he told me it can be dormant and flare up randomly so he no longer thinks I cheated on him but he said he does not want to put him self at risk for cancer because of the HPV. He said this is the universe making sure we stay a part from each other. He no longer wants to be with me because of this.
I respect his decision to end the relationship but I cant help but feel like he hasn’t done enough research on the virus. It is very common and he is making me feel like he is disgusted by me. We went from being so in love again to this and i’m having a very hard time coping with it. I’m not sure if it is even worth asking him to do more research on the virus since I want to respect his space.
How do I cope with him leaving me over this? I just want to feel better about the situation.
#10
How Can I Get My Husband (48m) To Agree To Childcare While I (30f) Work?
We both work from home and currently I’m watching our 3 year old during the day while I work and he makes quite a bit of noise. I try to tell him to be quiet but he’s only quiet for so long. This issue is I was reached out too about a job opportunity within my company. I will be training new hires in the summer then in the fall and spring I will be a supervisor.
I will be going over PowerPoints and systems with the class and I will also be on camera and I think it would be unprofessional to have children making noise in the background (I also have a 7 year old that will be home for the summer). It will also be hard to step away and get snacks and juices or help them with what ever they need. I also think they need attention which I will not be able to give them for 8 hours.
I asked my husband if we can get child care just for the summer because in the fall my 3 year old will start vpk. He got angry and said no we don’t need that. I then asked if maybe his parents can watch the kids for a little bit since they are retired and he called me stupid and said that we shouldn’t be relying on others to help us and we need to figure out ourselves. I asked him if he can watch the kids then since he doesn't want to get child care and he gets mad.
I need to figure out how I can get him on board with child care. I will only need someone to come and watch them for a couple hours a week for 5 days.
I don’t understand what the big deal is. Advice please!!
#11
28f Married To 29m My Husband Shoved Me To The Floor At A Party And Left Me There
Last night my husband and I went out with friends while my family watched our son. I rarely drink anymore, especially since becoming a mom, but we were out celebrating and I was dancing with one of my girl friends. Her gay cousin came up behind me while we were dancing and before I could even fully turn around, my husband shoved both of us hard enough that we ended up on the floor.
My knees are scraped up from it even through my jeans. While I was on the floor he said, “play stupid games, win stupid prizes,” which is something he says when he’s angry. My friends rushed over to check on me. I looked at my friend’s cousin afterward and the look on his face honestly broke my heart because I’ve seen that exact look on my gay friends before after dealing with aggressive men. I felt so embarrassed and ashamed of my husband’s behavior.
When I got up, I grabbed my phone to text him, but he had already texted me saying the same thing: “play stupid games win stupid prizes.” I asked where he was and he was already driving home on the freeway, leaving me there. I had to call my sister to come pick me up, and my dad and younger brother came too.
Then my husband called my dad and lied, saying someone had pulled a gun on him and that’s why he left. That never happened. My friends are genuinely good people and there was no situation like that. My dad ended up blaming me because I had been drinking, which also hurt because in my family drinking as a woman/mother is looked down on. Meanwhile, my husband drinks way more often than I ever do and usually I’m the sober driver.
Today is also my mother-in-law’s birthday and I didn’t go because my husband told me he’s “not ready” to be around me. He still hasn’t apologized or acknowledged what he did.
This is the first time he’s ever physically shoved me like that, but emotionally I feel like I’ve been here before. I’m exhausted trying to make things work and constantly praying he’ll change. I feel like he keeps showing me that he won’t.
I honestly don’t even know what I’m looking for posting this. Maybe perspective. Maybe validation that this isn’t normal. I just feel hurt, embarrassed, and tired. How do I move forward after something like this? I obviously want to stay together for our three-year-old, but I also can’t ignore what happened and the fact that he still hasn’t apologized or taken accountability.
#12
Advice For An Awkward Situation I (34f) Am Having With My Husband (31m)
Hello everyone,
So here's the deal. I (34F) am now eight months pregnant and my husband (31M) and I were talking about our birth plan and he casually mentioned that he would be getting a paternity test done on the baby. We have been together for five years, married for 1. I asked him why he thinks he would need to get that done as I've been faithful to him through our entire relationship. He said he just wants to get it done as proof that the baby is his, but I told him he doesn't need to get that done, it's just an unnecessary step and to be honest it would be humiliating for me to have all the nurses judging me while he gets a paternity test done for no reason. I asked him not to do it and he came back with "why, have you cheated?" To which the answer is no.
Now I don't know what to do. I'm already going to be going through a lot of emotions having this baby and I didn't want to go through the embarrassment of the staff judging me when he asks to get a test done. It makes me feel like he doesn't have any faith me or respect for my honour as a faithful women amongst the hospital staff. I don't want to be remembered as the woman whose husband asked for a paternity as soon as the baby was born. I want to be remembered if at all as the loving couple who had a great delivery. This would honestly leave such a bad taste in my mouth over the whole birth of he asks for that. I don't know what more to do.
#13
I 22f Can’t Forgive My Husband 28m
TW: Miscarriage
I 22F had a miscarriage at 7 weeks in June 2025. I still haven’t fully gotten over it.
I’m always thinking about it, some times more than others. I’ve been depressed since. I just feel so empty. Like I have a huge hole that I can’t really fill.
My husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage and we have them every summer since his ex moved out of state.
They (his kids and sometimes his mom too) go on a week Long Beach trip with their grandparents every summer. My husband was unable to go at first because he had no PTO. He never has PTO by the end of the summer so he usually doesn’t go. I had my miscarriage the week they were gonna go, we both got bereavement from our jobs so he decided to go on the trip now that he was off for the week.
I was really upset at him for leaving me. I moved here to be with him so I had no family and was alone at home that whole week. I was so depressed and miserable. He also just didn’t really care in general. I didn’t want him to be upset but it’s like he didn’t understand why I was. He said he didn’t really have an attachment to it and it was so early in he didn’t think it mattered. I don’t know it just hurt.
We argued about it. He said it was important to him that he go because my miscarriage made him realize he should spend time with his kids that were alive. He said those exact words. I told him I was just hurt that he left and he didn’t even think about me he said that him staying wouldn’t have stopped me from miscarrying.
We made up, he said sorry eventually. He said he understood me. It just been hard to trust/rely on him or completely forgive him.
I’m feel like it feels like it’s just me now, not recovering from it. Do I need to just move on?
#14
I [33f] Feel Like My Partner [35m] Uses "We" To Volunteer My Time. How Do I Reset This?
![I [33f] Feel Like My Partner [35m] Uses "We" To Volunteer My Time. How Do I Reset This?](https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2026/05/portrait-exhausted-young-housewife-posing-kitchen-while-cooking-soup-6a199c4c79442__700.jpg "I [33f] Feel Like My Partner [35m] Uses \"We\" To Volunteer My Time. How Do I Reset This?")
Basic info: I am 33F, he is 35M. We have been together 7 years and have lived together for 5.
Hot take: Saying "we" is not always romantic. Sometimes it is an easy way for him to commit my time without asking.
Example: I enjoy cooking and meal prepping - it is my main self-care routine. When friends ask about a get-together, he will say things like "We can host," "We will bring food," or "We can help you set up" before he checks with me. He does not mean it in a nasty way. He likes being helpful and social, and he assumes I will be fine because I usually manage this stuff.
What actually happens is I end up rearranging my weeknight, planning the menu, shopping, cleaning, and doing the emotional labor to make everything run smoothly. If I look stressed, he tells me I should have said something earlier. The catch is I never got a real chance to say yes or no because it was already promised.
I want concrete advice on how to stop this pattern in the moment without starting a fight or making it sound like I do not like his friends. What short, specific phrases would you use when he says "we" in front of other people? And what boundary would you set going forward that is clear but not controlling?
TL;DR: Partner [35M] says "we" to commit us to hosting or helping, and I [33F] end up doing most of the work. I need scripts and a clear boundary to stop it.
Kate Johnson 7 hours ago
Here's a plan. Next time he promises without discussion, don't do it. Leave him to manage it on his own.
#15
Fiancé (29m) Expects Me (29f) To Help Pay Bills Even Though I Was Laid Off During Maternity Leave?
For the past few days, I have been thinking very hard about my relationship and if I want to call off our engagement due to how unfairly my fiancé views money and finances.
We both had really good paying jobs, and we used my income to buy our first home and a pretty nice SUV before having our baby. Unfortunately, I was just laid off while on maternity leave (which was already unpaid). He makes enough to cover our bills on his own for this short period of time, but he still expects me to pay half of everything…. when I have no income. I am obviously applying to as many jobs as I can, but I still deserve a maternity leave. Right?!
I asked him to send me money so that I could go run and get groceries, but he told me no and went get the groceries himself! He will not give me money for literally anything other than a bill and he watches me pay it on my phone. I grew up with my whole family being stay at home wives and mothers and never once have I witnessed a man refusing to give their wife money.
Considering that my income bought us a house and a brand new family vehicle before I got laid off, I can’t help but see that this is insanely unfair.
KatSaidThat 6 hours ago
File for divorce. Wheen the papers arrive, he has two options. Get his s**t together and start sharing, or lose both house and truck in a divorce.
#16
Husband Praised Me Publicly For Our 25th Anniversary But Ignored Me In Real Life… I Feel Completely Invisible
My husband (48M) and I (43F) have been married for 25 years. For our anniversary, he made a public post celebrating it, and on the surface, it looked meaningful and thoughtful.
But in real life, there was no acknowledgment, no conversation, and no shared moment between us. I was never told happy anniversary, never given any words or gestures that day. Instead, I was left sitting in silence while seeing a public version of our marriage that didn’t match my reality.
I feel hurt, invisible, and confused about what this means for us and where I stand in this relationship.
Kate Johnson 7 hours ago
I'd respond to his public post saying "If only this was actually real, it would be great"
#17
My (23f) Boyfriend (24m) Says He Sort Of Wishes He Was The Father Of His Female Friend’s (24 F) Baby. How Do I Know If He’s Crossed The Line Or If I’m Just Being Jealous?
My boyfriend (24M) and I (23F) have been together for a year. I feel like I’m competing with another woman and her newborn, and I don’t even know if I’m overreacting or just finally seeing things clearly.
He has a friend who is a girl who he’s known for several years. they worked together when they were like 19-20 and have 2 other male friends they also worked with and remain friends with. She had a baby 3 months ago. The father is not involved and she doesn’t even really openly talk about who he is. He just didn’t want to be involved, and ever since then my boyfriend (plus the two other guys) have basically stepped in to “help.” At first I told myself it was just them being good people, and for the most part I still think that’s what it is. I just don’t know if it’s that simple anymore.
He cancels plans with me to go help her. He goes over to her place and doesn’t even think to mention it. When we’re all together, it’s like I don’t exist. He’s completely focused on her and the baby. She‘s nice to me but also doesn’t include me, doesn’t try to build any kind of friendship with me, and the dynamic is basically her and the guys. like if we’re all hanging out as a group the guys all fawn around her and and then the girlfriends off to the side together as another group. she never hangs out with me and the other girlfriends there. she does have at least one female friend that I know of and she lives with that person so if she has a friend she lives with why does she need my boyfriend going over there multiple days a week to help her so she can take a shower or have a nap?
During an argument, I asked him if he wished he was the baby’s father, and he said, “I don’t know, maybe I sort of do.”
I don’t care if it was said in frustration. That’s not a normal thing to say if you’re fully invested in your relationship. Maybe he said it out of frustration because we were arguing at the time, but I can’t unhear it.
Now I feel like I’m watching him emotionally play house with someone else while I’m just there. I feel like I’ve spent long enough trying to be the cool girlfriend who is fine with him having a female friend and pretend to not be jealous that I don’t even really know if what he’s doing is actually inappropriate or if it’s me just overreacting and being selfish.
At what point does “just a friend” turn into something more, even if nothing physical is happening?
#18
My (28m) Boyfriend Refused To Wash The Dishes (24f)?
So my boyfriend never washes the dishes while I cook or even help to clean up after cooking. Honestly I find it tiring to cook and wash dishes.
He lets them pile up for a week and doesn’t bother cleaning them up until the dish becomes messed up. One time it lasted 3 weeks and eventually he cleaned them as he promised.
I told him this bothers me and he always says he will wash them. I do wash my plates and cups but his always stay there.
Lately I have been frustrated with the amount of dishes staying there including mine and his.
I purchased 100 paper plates, 40 wooden forks and 150 plastic cups. He was visibly annoyed by it saying that it was “ lazy and disgusting”. I told him what I find disgusting is how you constantly leave your plates in the sink which can attract cockroaches and pests in the longterm. I am sick and tired of seeing plates especially when he promises to wash mine so he can show how grateful he is for the cooking.
I told him that from now on I won’t be cooking or washing any dishes whatsoever.. Now it has been 3 weeks of zero home cooked food, takeaways, ready-made food and ramen noodles. I guess we both won’t budge on our principles. I think I might start making salads to be healthy at least. I feel really unhealthy.. It feels like I am living in a bachelors house.
#19
My (25f) Boyfriend (23m) Bullied Someone For Being Fat…it Kinda Changed My Whole Perspective On Him?
We’ve been together for 4ish years. We were literally in a mccdonalds drive thru which made this feel more ironic. He randomly pulls out his phone and goes “wanna see this picture of this really fat soldier?” (He’s in the military). At fist I was confused and I was like what do you mean like a picture you took? He says yeah and he’s scrolling thru his phone to find it. I said absolutely not. Told him I don’t understand why he was showing me that and started questioning why he was taking pictures of random people. I asked if he’d been showing it to other people and he said yes.
This fr MORTIFIED me? Like you’re taking photos of other people and showing them to people around them snd making fun of them for being fat? What the [hell]? It made me so sad for that other person and disgusted that my partner would do that. Never in our 4 years did I think my partner would bully someone? And then he just did? And it kinda feels like my entire perception of him has been a lie? I’m not sure what to think. It grosses me out to imagine myself with someone like that like why am I lecturing u abt why it’s not right to take photos of someone to show others to laugh at. This has really been bothering me and idk how to even approach a conversation about it or what I’d say? Kinda makes me just want to walk away?
TLDR my partner took a photo of someone who he thought was fat and was showing it to other people, making fun of them for being fat. I found out bc he asked me if I “wanted to see some picture of a fat guy” he took. Conversation or break up???
A girl 7 hours ago
I'm going break up but because of his lack of moral compass, not because of the picture itself. I'm basing my judgment on a situation I created myself. At Old Faithful. Family with a very large dad are sitting on a bench in front of where we were standing. Dad had the most incredible plumbers crack exposure I'd ever seen. My husband and I traded snarky sneers and I took a picture of the "badlands". My bad behavior. The photo has never been posted online. I've never shown it to anyone. I recently deleted it because taking the photo was wrong of me. Being tacky is an unfortunate judgment lapse. Living tacky is a choice made to be a jerk.
#20
AITAH Because I Don’t Want To Show My Bank Account To My Boyfriend?
I 25F and my boyfriend 23M got into an argument because I won’t show my bank account. He says it’s childish and weird. 1.) We have been together for 5 months 2.) It’s none of his damn business? 3.) I feel like it’s a control thing, like if I show him my bank account and it’s lower than his he’d feel like he has some sort of power over me. Also I’m black he’s white I have always been taught not to tell anyone your financial business- I’m not trying to pull the race card but there’s obviously a difference in our backgrounds. He’s not my husband what the hell do you wanna see my account for? He says because he shows me his but never once have I asked him to show me his bank account, he’s always the one showing and telling how much he has. AITAH.
Did I say that out loud? 8 hours ago
Forget race or any other difference, your money is no one else's business, especially if you're not living together.
#21
My [31m] Boyfriend [33m] “Well Actually’s” Everything I Say And I Can’t Tell If It's A "Me Problem"
![My [31m] Boyfriend [33m] “Well Actually’s” Everything I Say And I Can’t Tell If It's A "Me Problem"](https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2026/05/andrej-lisakov-rtgonZPJCI4-unsplash-6a19a1e0db1ec__700.jpg "My [31m] Boyfriend [33m] “Well Actually’s” Everything I Say And I Can’t Tell If It's A \"Me Problem\"")
My boyfriend has a habit of responding to casual comments/jokes with very literal corrections or “well actually” type responses. Not in a mean or aggressive way, but it happens constantly and over time, it's been off-putting.
Some examples I can remember off the top of my head:
-He told me he had gifts arriving from Amazon while he's at work. When I texted him “2 packages arrived for you”, he replied “well, for me for other people".
-There was a wildfire nearby and I asked him if he's seen it on the news. He replied "I don't watch the news". We live together, we don't even have cable, neither of us "watch the news". What I meant was, has he heard about it, whether through social media, the radio he listens to, word of mouth, etc. was he aware of its existence somehow. Not, did you literally turn on Channel 7 nightly news and see it being reported.
-We were watching Eurovision and a singer was wearing a breastplate top. I joked that she must be cold under there. He said "well, I'm sure there's some sort of protective clothing in between that and her skin". I. KNOW. THAT.
-We got a Nespresso machine with a sample pack of coffee pods and I told him I couldn't wait to try the hazelnut because it's my favorite flavor. He said it's not for iced coffee (I only drink iced coffee). I told him any pod can be an iced coffee pod, which is true, it'll just be watery. He went back and forth about how there is a dedicated iced coffee pod, and the hazelnut pod I wanted was NOT FOR iced coffee.
It’s like, every joke, exaggeration, casual statement, or conversational shortcut gets corrected/reframed instead of just… received.
The thing is, I KNOW he’s not trying to make me feel stupid. But emotionally it makes me feel weirdly disconnected, maybe subtly rejected? Like instead of joining me in the vibe of the conversation, he redirects it into technical correctness.
Our couples therapist basically said this is just how he communicates and it’s more about me learning not to internalize it. She said it shouldn't bother me and if it does, it's something I need to work on with my solo therapist.
Has anyone else dealt with this kind of communication dynamic in a relationship? Did you learn to stop taking it personally, or did it eventually make you feel emotionally disconnected from the person? I genuinely can’t tell whether this is a compatibility/communication style issue or if this kind of constant reframing/correcting would wear other people down too.
How about no 2 hours ago
Maybe he's on the spectrum. He takes everything literally and cant understand the jokr behind it. Like Sheldon?
#22
My (F34) Boyfriend (M33) Randomly Started The Most Bizarre Argument
I (F34) have been with my boyfriend (M33) for over 4 years. We haven't had a fight in about 4 months. Things are going great. Today I had a job interview for a full time position and I left feeling so confident and really happy. I explained all of this to my partner. Helen Keller could of noticed how confident and happy I felt.
I am currently working as a transcriptionist monday - friday at home and on the weekends I do disability support.
I called him yesterday afternoon to tell him I received free tickets to a really major event last night. He said he didnt want to go because he had work early the next day (which is totally underatandable). He called me back a short time after and his entire mood had shifted. He was asking about the event and said "you wouldnt understand because you dont work" i responded with "I do work" and then he unleased on me. He told me I sit all day, that i wouldnt know what real work is and that i have absolutely no work ethic and that all i want is hand outs". I went from feeling so happy and confident to completely defeated.
To be clear, I dont ask for hand outs. Ive never asked for money, ive been there for HIM financially.
He hasn't spoken to me since.
My nervous system was not coping at all yesterday, I felt sick, my whole body was shaking, I couldn't speak.
I just dont understand it, I feel like no matter what I do i am just never enough.
How do I respond to all of this? Ive messaged a few times but im being left on read. I really need some advice.
Kate Johnson 7 hours ago
He's a worthless POS. Quit turning yourself inside out to accommodate this loser.
#23
I Think I Have Spoiled My 42m BF To A Wicked Level And Am Wondering If I'm Partly At Fault For His Behavior? 38 F Together 4 Years
For some examples from just this weekend....
Saturday he works and I went out to see some friends for breakfast and to go to the movies as I've been under a lot of stress because my mom recently passed.
I got home close to when he does and got into the shower. He got home and had to wait 5 minutes to get into the shower (I know the exact time because I checked the cameras for when his car arrived and when the door went off that he came inside).
He was livid he had to wait. Ruined the rest of the evening over it. Saying I don't care about him because I made him wait etc. That I wasn't excited enough to see him after he worked 60 hours.
Accuses me of cheating. Blabs on about how he always gets cheated on bla bla.
I have photos and proof of everywhere I went saturday as this is not an uncommon theme.
Sunday he complains about some giant cookies I had bought him at walmart. He was angry that the cookie set came with a walnut cookie- "don't ever buy that no one wants it!"
When I had only bought it at all because I thought he would like it when I was randomly there to get something for work one day.
I ordered, paid for and picked up pizza for dinner. He opens it and immediately is angry it isn't thin crust. Which btw he didn't ask for and I do not like. He also was mad it had sausage on it because he only likes pepperoni. I hate pepperoni and only like sausage. I forgot to get it half and half so he was extremely upset over that.
I feel like I am to blame for this kind of behavior as I have catered to his every whim for the last four years, and now have been under such emotional stress I am not doing that anymore. I feel as though I am just now truly seeing I walk on eggshells but think I also created this? Anyone in a similar situation or have any advice to offer?
TDLR; my boyfriend is bratty if things do not go exactly his way and I think I taught him to be that way.
#24
AITAH Because I Didn’t Explain To My Husband What The Movie Was About?
My book club was reading Project Hail Mary and decided we would go to the theatre to see the movie. We invited spouses - some came, my husband did not.
Now he saw the trailers and some scenes from the movie and asked why I didn’t tell him what it was about. I replied that I told him when I invited him that it was science fiction written by the same author who wrote the Martian, a movie he saw and liked. He said that he wasn’t paying attention to me and thought it was going to be a chick flick and that I should have explained better. I thought I was pretty clear. I am a little irritated that he admitted he tuned out, he is irritated that I didn’t make him listen. So who is TA here?
Edit - my husband and I have been married for 49 years - we have very different interests. He made the assumption, to his detriment, that it would be a movie he would not be interested in, and now I have made sure that he knows the plot and make sure I play YouTube clips of the movie which kind of spoils it for him (yeah, I am that kind of person). I can assure you that he has other redeeming qualities. He just sometimes assumes it would not be of interest to him, and then has “buyers remorse” that I didn’t convince him it would be worth his while. My response is, and always has been, that I can only bring a horse to water, but I cannot make it drink.
#25
AITAH For Refusing To Clean Up After My Boyfriend’s Older Kids Anymore?
i live with my boyfriend and his three kids (20m, 17m, and 7m). when i first moved in, i was doing everything. i deep cleaned the house weekly, kept it up daily, did everyone’s laundry, and handled grocery shopping.
over time i realized the older boys constantly make messes and don’t clean up after themselves. they’ll put trash on the counter instead of in the trash, leave dirty dishes next to the sink instead of in it, half wash dishes and leave them on the mat, and even put dirty dishes on the mat with clean ones. they’ll cook and leave grease on the stove, spill things in the microwave and not clean it, leave crumbs everywhere, leave chairs pulled out, and just leave every shared space messy.
they also won’t replace things like toilet paper even when it’s right next to them, and they leave laundry all over the laundry room floor for days or even weeks.
for context, the 20 year old doesn’t work and the 17 year old barely attends school. neither of them are in sports or have real responsibilities, but they also don’t have consistent chores. the 17 year old’s only chores are taking the trash out once a week and feeding the dog, which he often doesn’t do but still expects and gets an allowance.
i’ve brought this up to my boyfriend multiple times. at first it caused arguments because he felt like i was attacking his kids. he’s tried to implement rules, but they aren’t enforced consistently so nothing changes.
over time i stopped cleaning up after the older boys. now i just keep our bedroom and bathroom clean, help with the 7 year old, and deep clean occasionally. the house is messier now, but i don’t feel like it’s my responsibility to clean up after two grown or almost grown men who refuse to do basic things.
now my boyfriend says i’m overreacting, calls it my ocd, and makes me feel like i’m the problem for not cleaning like i used to. it’s causing a lot of tension between us.
i don’t feel like i’m asking for anything crazy. i just want basic cleanliness and for people to clean up after themselves. at this point i feel stressed and resentful.
#26
My (25f) Boyfriend (26m) Will Not Follow Through On His Promises
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years and have lived together for 2 of those years.
Upon moving in together, we made an agreement about how chores were to be divided. Because he works more hours in a week than me and I can be particular with certain chores, I am in charge of more than he is. To be specific, we only live in a 2 bedroom 2 bath apartment. Once a week, I am in charge of cleaning my bathroom (we have separate ones), restocking the vitamins, resetting the chore chart, vacuuming, and mopping, our “shared” chores are wiping down the kitchen, doing the dishes, and doing laundry, and his chores are cleaning his gaming desk and cleaning his own bathroom.
Week after week I complete all the tasks I’ve allocated to myself, all the shared tasks, and often other minor things like dusting, however, my boyfriend continues to ignore the things that are his responsibility, not to mention, not even attempting the shared chores. Upon a few discussions, we came to the conclusion that he may just be forgetful because of one reason or another, so in response, I built a chore chart that clearly lays out what chores need to be done and who is responsible for what.
I am the kind of person that likes to stick to a strict schedule, especially with cleaning, but I understand that my boyfriend isn’t that way, so I laid out his chores for him on the chore chart but explained that he can complete them whatever day of the week he prefers, even splitting them up if he wants to. But, yet again, I find myself reminding him to complete them. I’ve tried to give him some leeway and told him if it’s easier he can do them every other week, but still won’t follow through.
We’ve had many discussions about expectations on both ends and they always end in agreement, despite this, nothing changes. I’ve asked him if I’m asking too much, I’ve asked him if there may be a better method to get him to clean, I’ve tried a ton of angles but it’s always just “I’ll do better” and that’s it. I’m starting to feel like I’m his mom. I work 30-35 hours a week, I cook, I clean, I get groceries, I plan dates, I plan social outings, I do EVERYTHING. I feel like I’m going insane and that I’m asking too much of him.
Are my expectations too high? How do I get him on the same page?
TL;DR My boyfriend promises to do his allotted chores but never follows through
Crystalwitch60 4 hours ago
Only got two bed two bath lol how the other half live 🤣three bed one bathroom here , n she’s either gotta put her foot down with him shine that spine while’s she’s cleaning or meh he won’t ever pull his weight ! BTW don’t clean his sodding bathroom ,this a him problem totally at least !
#27
My (28f) Husband (30m) Is Still Not Ok That I Kept My Birth Name
I (28F) have chosen to keep my birth name (maiden name) after getting married to the love of my life (30M). My name is very ethnic, identifiable, and formal. Growing up, I was somewhat embarrassed by it because people could not pronounce it, and I felt very visible because of it. In my adult years, I grew to love it, and I very much identify with it now because it holds a lot of meaning and is symbolic. I am not keeping my birth name because of my professional degrees or publications; it is just a very personal reason that I identify with my name.
Before getting married, I told my husband that I wasn’t going to change my name to his last name. We argued about it a handful of times because he would prefer that I took his name. We are now 2 years married and this argument has resurfaced since I am hosting a family baby shower, and my birth name is on the invitation as a hostess. After showing my husband the invitation so that he can proof it, the only comment he had was that my birth name was written instead of my married name. He said that he is “just content” with seeing my name written like that, but that he would be happy if my married name was written on the invitation.
It seems like everyone but me has an issue with my name. I do not take offense when letters, invitations, place cards, etc. say my married name. I don’t correct people when they call me Mrs. Husband’s Name. It’s not that I don’t identify with my married name, it’s that I identify with my birth name more. I’m sure it will continue to come up for the rest of my life, so how do I continue to navigate this? What are some helpful ways to continue advocating for myself?
ETA: Divorce is not on the table. Neither is hyphenating my last name. My full name is already 29 letters long.
tameson 3 hours ago
When I was a kid I remember watching PBS and seeing the statements like "This program was brought to you by a generous gift from Mrs. Charles P. Cook". My reaction was always "But what is her name? That's her deceased husband's name, not her's. It's like she had been erased." And I decided that I was never taking someone else's surname.
#28
Guy I'm Talking To (M34) For 6 Months Didn't Want Me (F30) Going Out Alone And Sabotaged My Plans, How Do I Proceed?
I have a kid free day tomorrow and when he called I told him I was going to go cinemas and watch Obsession by myself. He was immediately weirded out and asked who Im going with I said my myself. He said “Really?” In a suspicious or an incredulous tone and asked why I wasnt going with anyone I said everyones already seen it.
We carried on the phone call and my sister was in the kitchen saying she was going to go watch the same movie tomorrow. When he heard, he immediately started pestering me to go with her and her husband and not go alone.
I was a bit annoyed because I already made the plan, like why are you pushing so hard? He then asked to speak to my sister and told her to not let me go alone and to take me with her so my sister then talked to her husband and arranged me to come with them. ….???!!!!!
I took the phone back and said what is the issue? He goes when we are together in the UK again (hes living abroad currently we have been together about 6 months) I will go everywhere he goes, he will make sure of it, so make sure you dont do stuff like that. I said HUH? Then he changes the subject and starts talking about future plans we’ll make together and taking me shopping because I deserve it. Im giving non commital answers and he realises this and says where is your mind at you seem somewhere else I say Im busy preparing food rn so he goes to hang up and says I love you I’ll talk to you later I say okay bye I dont say Inlove you back and put the phone down.
I left the call feeling rattled, like I’d been managed. My sister is saying her husbent doesnt like her being alone either and he was just looking out for me….but I still feel weird? Is this worth trashing the relationship for? I wanna address this but I need the right words so I can express my rage adequately please help.
#29
My (24f) Boyfriend (26m) Wants To Move In But Won't Give Up His "Gaming Room"
I (24F) have been dating my boyfriend (26M) for about two years. We’ve been talking about moving in together when our current leases are up in three months. We found a great two-bedroom apartment that is within our budget, but the problem is how we’re going to use the space. He is insists that the second bedroom needs to be his dedicated "gaming and hobby room" because he needs a place to unwind.
The issue is that I work from home three days a week and I really need a quiet space for my desk and equipment. When I suggested we share the second bedroom as a joint office/gaming space, he said it wouldn't work because he gets loud when he's online with friends and doesn't want to "cramp his style." He basically expects me to put my work desk in our bedroom or the living room corner while he gets a whole room to himself. I love him, but this feels really unfair and makes me worried about how we're going to handle bigger compromises in the future. How do I get him to see that a shared home should be shared equally?
tl;dr: My (24F) boyfriend (26M) of two years wants the entire second bedroom of our new apartment for his gaming, leaving me to work from the bedroom or living room. He won't compromise on a shared space.
Kate Johnson 7 hours ago
Why would you want to be with someone so selfish and obsessed with gaming? Sounds like it's better not to move in with each other. He's not mature enough.
#30
I (35f) Hate When My Husband (35m) Is Sick Because He Lays In Bed All Day
We've been married for 12 years, together for 16, and we have 4 kids (ranging from 2-12). My husband has been sick for nearly a week (flu-like symptoms) and has been basically bed-bound, except for a few hours he's spent gaming when he felt semi-okay. He works full-time and I'm currently SAHM. I know he didn't mean to be sick for Mother's Day, and I'm not mad at him specifically, but I'm annoyed at the situation. I don't ever get a break from these kids and I'd been looking forward to being given a little extra attention for the day. Instead, I had to cook and clean and play/oversee the kids all day while my husband slept.
While I fully understand rest is necessary to recover from an illness, and he is sick and not exaggerating, I am literally internally fuming over the unfairness, because if I get sick with what he has, I'm [done]! I have nobody to take over for me, so I always have to push through when I'm sick and continue running the household. If I get sick this week, it will ruin one of my kids' birthday & birthday party, and my other kid has a school concert I can't miss. I'm stressing out, and I feel like a [jerk] for being bitter about my sick husband resting. I can't complain to him about it because he shouldn't feel guilty for being sick, but he likely knows I'm annoyed because I've been stressed the past couple days and my annoyance must be noticeable. Plus, last time he was sick he said "I know you're mad at me right now" so clearly this is a pattern of me being bitter and angry when he's recovering from an illness.
I know this is not a solo experience and other stay-at-home parents must feel the same way I do. What can I do to not feel so angry about the imbalance in our relationship when it comes to getting sick and needing rest? I realize that as an unworking partner, I can't ask my husband to take time off work when I'm sick. Do I just need to suck it up? It won't always be like this, I know; eventually all our kids will be school-aged and I will be able to have a normal "sick day" again at some point in the future. Should I try to mention my feelings to my husband or keep it to myself?
Cecilie Hammershøy 2 hours ago
You're only a SAHM in the regular working hours. The rest of the time you split the duties.
#31
WIBTH If I Do Nothing For My Husband On Father's Day?
My husband (28M) and I (23F) have been married for 4 years and we have two children; a 3 year old, and a 4 month old. We have had many discussions over the years about how I would like him to do more on holidays (specifically my birthday and mother's day) as I feel he has lacked effort when it comes to them.
This year on my birthday was the first time I had seen him show any real effort. He bought flowers, surprised me with cheesecake, and mini golf, and even wrote a lovely card. I was ecstatic! But mother's day rolled around (which I reminded him of several times) and I was expecting something, anything. But nothing came.
I had booked a hair appointment myself, which got canceled. I wanted to sleep in, but couldn't because the baby woke up early. There was no card, no flowers, nothing. We did get coffee, that I was greatful for (but we do that every Sunday) So, I asked if he could at least clean the house and give me a massage. He agreed, but it never happened. The worst part of all (though I reminded him to) he didn't do anything for his own mother. Even my 3 year old picked me flowers from the yard.
Anyway, father's day is coming up and I am thinking about doing nothing for him in return. Important information: his excuse for not doing things has always been that; "his love language is not gift-giving nor acts of service, so its just not something he thinks about." So... maybe if its not something he cares about, he wont mind if I do nothing?
Giraffe Sitter 5 hours ago
Some people just don’t like Hallmark Holidays. I’m sure this is frustrating but nagging will not help.I would show the same attention to Fathers Day that he showed to Mothers Day and that will tell you everything you need to know.
#32
My Partner (M30) Expects Me (F31) To Help Fund Renovations To His Family Property
My partner and I have been together for 3 years and currently live in his family’s home that will eventually be inherited by him and another family member. That family member also lives here, but it’s just us 3. Aside from our personal spaces, we haven’t done any renovations, so the home is as it was when his parents decorated 30+ years ago. We all pay an equal amount of rent to the current owner (their family), and it’s below market value.
The house suits our needs right now, but I cannot see us here for longer than 4 years. It needs a lot of work and updating, as well as some serious structural changes. The way the home is set up currently, I cannot see myself happy living here long term. And we do not live in a place where building permits are easy to access, nor is construction cheap.
Recently we’ve been disagreeing because he feels that since I live there too, I should help invest time, labor, and money into renovations and improvements to make the space more comfortable and functional. We both keep the house tidy, and there are chores I’ve taken 100% responsibility for. I’ve helped out on small projects. But when it comes to spending money, I’ve been drawing the line.
His perspective is that housing is extremely expensive, we likely won’t be able to buy our own place anytime soon, and it makes more sense to stay there long term and gradually improve the house.
This makes me feel like my security and best interest are not being considered. My perspective is that we are not married, we are not close to marriage, I have no ownership stake in the property, and legally the home will never be mine. That makes me hesitant to heavily invest in renovations for a property that I could theoretically lose access to if the relationship ended or family circumstances changed. When we try and discuss this, he gets angry and acts as if he can’t understand my perspective at all.
For additional context, he also earns more than I do.
Am I looking at this unfairly, or is my hesitation reasonable?
Kate Johnson 6 hours ago
I'd tell him, "This is your asset, not mine. I'm not putting my time and money into your asset, in which I share no part." If he can't understand that I don't see much future for the relationship.
#33
My F31 Boyfriend 30m Wants Us To Start Cooking Our Own Dinners Separately Because I Asked Him To Help With The Dishes
Okay so my boyfriend and I have been together for nearly a year now, and I do most of the cooking.
Usually he we go halves on the groceries and I will cook for us. I’ve also started meal prepping for us recently because we are both trying to lose weight.
I thought everything was going well. We’ve run in to problems in the past where he asked me not to cook for him anymore and just cook for myself, because he feels I create unnecessary dishes- fair enough. So i adapted and made less dishes so that it would be easy for him to clean afterwards.
I’ve been cooking most meals on top of busy work and yesterday he couldn’t be bothered doing the dishes so told me to leave them and he’ll do them the next day.
I ended up doing them anyway, because I have the day off today, and I told him that I don’t mind cooking our meals but paying half of everything on top of cooking and cleaning is a bit much for me.
He told me that we should cook our own meals because sometimes he can’t be bothered doing the dishes and that he wanted to lose weight anyway so it’ll be easier for us to do our own thing. This isn’t the first time he’s suggested it, and it hurt me a little because I’ve been doing so much for us and the meals I was cooking were very healthy.
He’s been single most of his life and I think he’s very used to the bachelor lifestyle and I’ve become upset because I want to work as a team and start building a life together.
I know I may be being a bit emotional right now, and over reacting but it’s just how I feel. So I’m taking to reddit to get advice on if I’m over reacting or not.
In my eyes, I take care of most of things and ask for a small return eg. doing a few dishes at the end but it turns in to a massive discussion about just doing things separately. It’s not really what I want in a relationship especially because we’ve spoken recently about having kids and if we can’t be a team right now without kids, how can we be a team with kids?
Again, maybe I’m over reacting.. Any advice is appreciated.
Kate Johnson 6 hours ago
He's simply not capable of relationship and likely will always be a mediocre partner.
#34
My Husband (35m) Looked At Me (33f) In Lingerie And Asked “What Are You Wearing?”
My husband and I have been married for 2 years, and I’m starting to feel really confused and hurt about our intimacy situation.
When we first got married, our intimate life was normal and consistent. We were intimate multiple times a week and there were never any issues. About a year ago, we bought a house and he changed jobs, and ever since then things have slowly declined. It went from a few times a week, to once a week, then every other week, then once a month… and now we haven’t been intimate in 4 months.
Every time I try to talk to him about it, he gets defensive and just says he’s tired. If I try to initiate intimacy at night, he says he’s sleepy or exhausted. I’ve tried being patient and understanding because I know stress and life changes can affect people, but I’m honestly starting to feel rejected.
One night I even tried dressing up to surprise him, and instead of being playful or receptive, he looked at me and said, “What the hell are you wearing?” It completely crushed my confidence.
I don’t think I’m asking for anything unreasonable. I miss feeling wanted by my husband, and I miss the closeness between us. I’m trying not to take it personally, but after months of rejection it’s getting really hard not to.
Is this normal for marriage after a couple years? Has anyone gone through something similar? How do you even approach this conversation when the other person immediately shuts down?
StarCrossedFriday 3 hours ago
Look, even if s**y outfits isn't your cup of tea, going 'what the hell are you wearing?' if your partner tries something is just plain cruel, especially if that's the only reaction. If you feel it can be salvaged - maybe there's some other reason he's lost interest, you never know - definitely try talking to him about it. If he's just as blunt, cruel and dismissive at that point, it might be time to move on. You deserve so much more, and it's definitely not unreasonable.
#35
My Partner (28 M) Insists I (25 F) Should Know Why He's Upset Without Him Having To Communicate Why
We have been dating for over 3 years and whenever hes upset he just goes silent, I try to comfort him, ask him questions to figure out why, including directly asking him what exactly upset him. He insists he shouldnt need to explicitly tell me why hes upset I should just know what to do. I keep telling him I am not asking him to spell it out for me but he needs to communicate, I want to understand why hes upset and what I can do to make him feel better. A lot of the time when I keep trying to get to the bottom of it hes very blunt and cold with his responses. Then after he will tell me that hes not a complicated person and after 3+ years I should know him so I shouldnt need to ask so many questions. He also repeatedly says that he feels like i dont understand him emotionally but how am I meant to understand him when he keeps stonewalling? Hes told me to talk to people to get an idea of how to be there for him but i get the same advice - he should still exercise some base level communication. He also keeps bringing up how he knows me so well because when Im upset he just understands me, but thats because I clearly communicate why I am upset, I never leave him guessing. I feel like thats an unfair comparison. It just feels like his expectation of me being a mind reader just puts us in a lose lose situation where im always going to fall short and him resentful. I will admit that when hes so cold after i keep trying to comfort him I do tire out and feel quite rejected. So i stop trying and also go cold which I know isnt right.
How can I go about bringing this up to him? And any other advice?
TL;DR - My boyfriend keeps stonewalling and expects me to fully understand why they are upset without having to communicate. Is what hes asking for reasonable?
Kate Johnson 6 hours ago
He sounds exhausting and hardly worth the effort. Why are you still with him? What does he actually bring to the table?
#36
My (25f) BF (25m) Kissed A Lesbian. I Broke Up With Him
My (26F) bf (25M) went on a weekend trip with some friends to Tampa and went out with a couple of his friends. These are friends that I know and trust, so I didn’t think much of anything. As background, he is 100% straight and I know that they were drinking a lot that night. He told me today that last night he ended up dancing with a group of gay girls and that everyone was having a good time, then he told me tha he ended up kissing one of them . I broke up with him and now his friend is reaching out saying that the girl was definitely gay, and that my bf don’t mean it. I told my bf and all his friends not to contact me and stay away. Was I correct in breaking up with him?
#37
My Boyfriend 24m Lied To Me 23f About Running A Marathon
I'm not entirely sure if I am overreacting about this, but a few weeks ago my boyfriend 'allegedly' completed a full marathon in a very impressive time (sub 4). Since we met six months ago we have discussed this regularly, I have watched him train, helped him fundraise and supported him emotionally up until the big day. On the day off, I was unable to watch him in person due to reasons out of my control, so instead I asked him for his bib number so I would be able to track online and my parents went to support him in person.
On the day, I logged on to track him to see how he was getting on about an hour into the race, only to discover that his name had not been registered. Initially I thought that this was because he was potentially registered under the name of the charity he was running for and instead I decided to track him via his find my iPhone. As he went through I continued to send screenshots to my parents of his location so they would know roughly when to expect him. I continued to check every half an hour and eventually noticed that about 2/3 of the way into the route he had stopped at the hq of the charity he was running for, his location remained there for 45 minutes, he then sent me a photo of him with a medal, claiming he had just completed the marathon.
I called my parents to say he had finished and asked them if they had seen him cross the finish line, where they were standing and they said no. At the same time, I messaged boyfriend to ask if he had seen them and he claimed it had been so busy that he hadn't noticed and to just tell my mum and dad to go home. At this stage I started to wonder if potentially he had pulled out of marathon half way through and didn't want to talk about it just yet.
After some further investigation, I now know that he did not run the full marathon, instead he ran with a five person relay group, who each did a 5th of the route. I have not confronted him about this yet, but I have been really distressed by how blatant of a lie this is, he continues to claim that he completed the full 26.2 miles and I keep thinking back to how he lied to my parents and friends faces, most of whom donated towards him "running a marathon". This isn't the first time he has lied to me, typically they have been small white lies about insignificant things but this feels huge.
Its been weeks and I still haven't yet brought up the fact that I know that he lied, mainly because I know he will likely just double down. I can't help but wonder if he is lying about this, what else could be going on. I feel utterly betrayed and I don't know how to deal with this situation. Is it worth continuing a relationship with someone who can clearly lie so easily?
StarCrossedFriday 2 hours ago
Weird thing to lie about, frankly...is he massively insecure? Is he worried he's not good enough for OP if he runs as a relay team? I genuinely don't get why he didn't just mention that from the beginning. I would definitely ask him, and emphasise that honesty matters a lot more than how much of a marathon he can run. If he does indeed double down, make it clear that's far more disappointing.
#38
I (28f) Am Literally On A Verge Of A Mental Breakdown Trying To Cope With My Boyfriend's (27m) Behaviour
My boyfriend (27M) has Asperger’s. His communication is really bad which I know is a trait of autism and is normal, however I’m constantly having make massive plans on small day to day normal life and I’m am exhausted trying to keep up with it all. He also has to be right all the time. I can’t say no to things but he says I can. Well if I do, it turns into well you’ll see if you follow your way, you’ll be wrong. If I tell him “well I don’t think that’s right, because or that won’t work because of xyz “ it turns into hostility from and we argue. He says I can say no to things and when I do, he’s like “ well I forgot” or apparently I have narc traits, BPD and other mental health issues.
He’s obsessed with trying to get me a mental health diagnosis. For context I already have depression and anxiety and find stuff like this slowly destroying me. My hair is falling out, I have anaemia and I’m constantly battling with myself every day anyway. I try to plan things with him and even have a google calendar together which I add things to as does he! He also gets into fights with his mum (60s F) when she tries to make plans. I’m always in the bloody middle of it. This morning, he said sorry because I dropped my phone and somehow this turned into apparently I was being hostile towards him as I was drained and I said I dropped my phone and not him and I started getting defensive. He’s nice a lot of the time, but every day it’s something, either at work, his personal life, my kids or my personal life. How the hell am I going to keep on going like this?!
Kate Johnson 6 hours ago
Why are you with someone who causes you so much stress. Sounds like far too little "juice" in that squeeze.
#39
My (28f) Partner's (30m) Lack Of Curiosity Is Starving Our Relationship And I'm Hitting A Wall
I (28F) have been with my boyfriend (30M) for two years. In a lot of ways, we work. He respects my space and boundaries, and I can tell that he values the relationship a lot. We're both very independent, and our core values align. But we are fundamentally different people. Our interests and personalities don't match up, and while that isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's led to a total lack of curiosity on his part about who I actually am.
I've put real effort into his world. Hours gaming, building Lego sets together, things I genuinely came to love because I wanted to be part of what matters to him. But that's never been reciprocated. His life feels like the main event, and my thoughts, my interests and my inner world feel like background noise. Which feels unintentionally very egocentric.
For some context, he's currently working two jobs and is clearly exhausted, and I've tried to be patient with that. But this has been the dynamic for nine months now. He can talk for hours about his own life, but he shows almost no interest in mine. I've gotten so resentful that I've started tuning him out, which isn't fair to either of us.
What's eating at me isn't just the imbalance, it's the fear that this isn't a stress response. It's just who he is. I'm scared he's with me because he's afraid to be alone, and not because he actually wants to know me.
How long can "work exhaustion" realistically justify a total lack of emotional curiosity before it's just a permanent personality trait?
Kate Johnson 6 hours ago
You are "girlfriend as appliance" and he does not actually care about you. You are a convenience.
#40
AITAH I Met Up With My Boyfriend To Unload A TV I’m Gifting Him And He Says I’m Too Literal
We live in the same apartment complex and he stayed the night at mine and we slept in Sunday morning. He was running late to get on the road for a family event, so he said “let me go shower at my place, I’ll be about 10 minutes, you pull the car up with the TV”. (A TV I’m re-gifting to him that I’ve had in my car for 3 days that needs two people to take it up a couple flights of stairs).
He is usually running late so I rolled up to his building about 15- 20 minutes later and sat in my car air conditioning with a book. After 30 minutes pass I playfully texted “hey, what does 10 minutes mean in your world? Got an ETA?”
He says “I’m getting in my car”. Now I’m annoyed because I’m parked near his car and he’s 100% not getting in it. And furthermore, is he just going to hit the road?? Is he going to help me with this tv or not? I reminded him I’ve been sitting here with the tv waiting for him like we planned. It set him off. He says “why didn’t you TELL ME?”. He thinks I should have texted “here” AND that I took his verbal “pull up, I’ll be 10 mins” too literally.
I feel like there’s no need for me to communicate “here” when we agreed on a plan verbally. In my mind, he deviated from that plan and owed me a heads up. Like hey actually I won’t have time to deal with the TV today, sorry. Or “hey I’m headed down, where are you parked?”
Anyway, are we both just bad at communication or AITAH?
#41
AITAH For Telling My BF "I Know" When He's Telling Me About Something?
This is issue has happened a hand full of times, he and I cannot find common ground.
My bf will bring up a video he's seen online and start to explain the video. I'll say "yeah, I've seen it" and he will continue to explain the video as if im not familiar with it. Ill repeat that I've seen it and he gets super offended I won't allow him to finish telling me something I already know/have seen/am familiar with.
He says, "fine I'll just never let you tell me about anything I dont want to hear about". I say, it's not about that, I'm happy to talk about how the material is funny or your reaction to it but I don't need to play by play of something I already know and have seen.
I think it's super rude, it feels like he is talking at me. It feels sexist is someway I can't put my finger on. He thinks im being super rude and should just let him talk because "it's not about me".
So, AITA for saying "i know" and not wanting to hear about something I already know.
antoinette maldari 2 hours ago
If OP is planning to spend the rest of their life with this person, get use to hearing the same story (ies) on a never-ending loop.
#42
Aitah For Not Telling My Boyfriend About My Past?
My bf (25m) and I (24f) have been together for about 10 months. He’s my first ever serious relationship, and this is the first fight that we’ve had, so I’m not sure if my feelings are justified here or if I’m just being an asshole.
Important background info: I grew up in a chaotic home. At 15 I was dating a boy much older than me, ended up getting pregnant, and then had a miscarriage. It’s obviously not my favorite thing to talk about, but it’s also not some big dark secret that I’m haunted by. I was very young, in a bad mental state and an unhealthy environment. A lot has changed, and I’m proud to say I’m very far away from that time of my life.
My bf did not know about this - not that I was keeping it a secret, it just never felt right to bring up before. But a few days ago we had a conversation about having children in the future/pregnancy, and I ended up telling him. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, and I didn’t expect him to do so either.
However, he immediately got furious with me. He yelled at me for not trusting him and keeping “such a big thing” a secret, and acted like I purposefully lied to him and was a whole different person than what he knew before. He stormed out and refused to answer any of my texts/calls, until yesterday, when he told me that he’s not angry but needs time to process.
My mom said that I should be patient and that I can’t expect him to react better after learning something so “drastic”, but I can’t help but feel angry at him for freaking out. On one hand, I know it’s a shocking thing to learn out of nowhere, but it’s my life, my experience, one that was in the past and has no effect on the present. The way he acted made it seem like he thought less of me because of it and had the right to know about this before getting with me.
Am I being selfish/unfair?
Kate Johnson 6 hours ago
I'd move on. He sounds like far too neurotic and "extra" to be worth it.
#43
AITAH For Telling My Husband I Can’t Work On Our Marriage Unless He Cuts Off Another Woman?
My husband and I have been together for almost 10 years and married for a few. Our relationship has been really strained lately and I’ve also been dealing with a lot personally.
Another woman became involved in our lives in a way that was initially more open/complicated. I’ll own that I didn’t handle that situation well and have apologized for my part in how things unfolded. But over time, it became clear to me that I’m not okay with that kind of dynamic at all and things ended. We all know how throuples end, I know I know. Hindsight.
I told my husband that if we’re going to try to fix our marriage, there can’t be an ongoing relationship on his end with her.
He initially agreed, but then changed his mind. He says it’s “against his morals” to cut someone off who hasn’t done anything wrong to him, and he sees my request as controlling and an unfair ultimatum.
I’m not trying to control him—I’m saying what I need in order to stay and work on the relationship. I don’t feel like I can move forward while he’s still connected to someone he’s been emotionally and physically involved with.
This has caused a lot of arguments, and now we are on no contact for a while.
AITA for making this a non-negotiable if we’re going to try to fix our marriage?
Kate Johnson 6 hours ago
There's nothing to fix, you just need to move on and quit wasting your time with someone who clearly has no interest in "fixing things".
What do you think ?
diane hare 4 hours ago
All of these are great examples of why more and more women are staying single.
MechtildFenn 1 hour ago
M𝐲 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 $𝟐𝟕𝐤 𝐚 𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐡 𝐝𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐫𝐲. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬.. 𝐂𝐎𝐏𝐘 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐍-------- ➤➤➤➤𝐏𝐚𝐲𝐀𝐭𝐇𝐨𝐦𝐞𝟏.𝐂𝐨𝐦
Load More Replies...
Andy M 2 hours ago
I got divorced at 43. At 45, I was dating a 19 yr old who lived with me for 4 years. The only reason we aren't married today is the fact she had to return to China to teach English. Had she not, we would be together to this day. We still love each other and talk every single day.
diane hare 4 hours ago
All of these are great examples of why more and more women are staying single.
MechtildFenn 1 hour ago
M𝐲 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 $𝟐𝟕𝐤 𝐚 𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐡 𝐝𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐫𝐲. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬.. 𝐂𝐎𝐏𝐘 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐍-------- ➤➤➤➤𝐏𝐚𝐲𝐀𝐭𝐇𝐨𝐦𝐞𝟏.𝐂𝐨𝐦
Load More Replies... Andy M 2 hours ago
I got divorced at 43. At 45, I was dating a 19 yr old who lived with me for 4 years. The only reason we aren't married today is the fact she had to return to China to teach English. Had she not, we would be together to this day. We still love each other and talk every single day.
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