139 Work Jokes That’ll Make You Feel Seen
Sweaty, shivering, and disoriented, you jump out of your bed, having just dreamt that it is Monday, you’re late to work, and you are missing a conference meeting. Your pants are nowhere to be seen, your hair is one huge cowlick, and your cat desecrated your favorite shoes. What’s worse, you just came to the sense that all of this is really happening, and you, in fact, are late for work, and it is, in fact, a Monday. Waking up to such an ordeal is no one’s dream for sure, but we’ve all been there in our dragging years of being working adults. Except for the lucky few, the workplace isn’t usually a fun place to be, and dreams about it are exactly like this, and the only thing that could make it better are, without a doubt, work jokes. However, thinking of it, reading jokes during your work hours might not be the best idea sometimes, but hey, we all need that sweet, sweet comedic relief in our day! So, here we are, presenting to you our collection of only the best work jokes that we could find.
These silly jokes, besides already being inherently funny and relatable, will also shed light on such things as horrible bosses, the real meaning of the word workstation, and our favorite topic - all the things corporate. So, you should expect to feel seen by these jokes while getting your portion of the giggles. Not that bad, right? And while these workplace jokes might not make your daily routine bearable, they will definitely amuse you, and that’s almost as good!
See if your boss isn’t around right now, and scroll straight to our list of funny work jokes. Once you are there, give the best ones your vote, and either read them out loud to your colleagues or share the whole article with them!
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Progress is made by lazy people looking for an easier way to do things.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a workstation…
I got a job at a paperless office. Everything was great until I needed to use the bathroom.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
I use artificial sweeteners at work. I add it to everything I say to my boss.
I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
I pretend to work as long as they pretend to pay me.
The goal of every engineer is to retire without getting blamed for a major catastrophe.
I asked the corporate wellness officer, “Can you teach me yoga?” He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.”
If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.
I get plenty of exercises – jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.
I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
A committee is twelve men doing the work of one.
When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, “A very good doctor”.
Nothing ruins a Friday more than an understanding that today is Tuesday.
Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
A man can do more than he thinks he can, but he usually does less than he thinks he does.
I don’t have a solution, but I do admire the problem.
It’s not how good your work is, it’s how well you explain it.
Efficiency is a highly developed form of laziness.
I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none of them work.
A conference call is the best way to get a dozen people to say bye 300 times.
The first five days after the weekend are the hardest.
What’s the best work politics? Anti-work but pro-paycheck.
A guy goes in for a job interview and sits down with the boss.
The boss asks him, “What do you think is your worst quality?”
The man says “I’m probably too honest.”
The boss says, “That’s not a bad thing, I think being honest is a good quality.”
The man replies, “I don’t care about what you think!”
My memory has gotten so bad it has actually caused me to lose my job. I’m still employed. I just can’t remember where.
Some people say the glass is half full. Some people say the glass is half empty. Engineers say the glass is twice as big as necessary.
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to upset you.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
The only thing worse than seeing something done wrong is seeing it done slowly.
If at first, you don’t succeed, redefine success.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
We have enough youth. How about a fountain of “Smart”?
I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.
A work week is so rough that after Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.
I have all the money I’ll ever need – if I die by 4:00 p.m. today.
The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.
It matters not whether you win or lose: what matters is whether I win or lose.
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
Just about the time when you think you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.
My biggest professional ambition is to get a desk where no one can see my computer monitor but me.
If everything seems to be coming your way, you’re probably in the wrong lane.
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
A hard thing about a business is minding your own.
I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!
Early to bed, early to rise makes people suspicious.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
What do you call stealing ideas from many? Research.
My Boss has an OCD. Every time I don’t finish my work he notices.
Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done.
Definition of a Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
What’s a resumé? Just a list of things I hope nobody ever asks me to do.
My boss told me to have a great day so I left and went to the movies.
I think that if I died and went straight to hell it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn't at work anymore.
What do you call a person who is happy on Monday? Retired.
Anything that could possibly go wrong often does – as well as a thing or two that couldn’t possibly.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
I’m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
To err is human, to blame it on someone else shows management potential.
I don’t work well under pressure… or any other circumstance.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
When in doubt, mumble.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?
There are two kinds of people who don’t say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
Why did the developer go broke? Because he used up all his cache.
There are 10 types of employees: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
I love it when I leave work early to surprise my wife at home and she greets me with those three very special words: Were you fired?
Here is my “great employee” mantra:
- Don’t work.
- Never dream.
- Always give up.
I like my work calendar like I like my coffee. Free.
All our lives we are working hard so we can have money when we don’t need it.
The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.
If every day is a gift, I’d like a receipt for Monday. I want to exchange it for another Friday.
Things really haven’t gotten worse. We’ve just improved our inter-departmental communication skills.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
I couldn’t work today because of an eye problem. I just can’t see myself working today.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
When it comes to work, change is inevitable, except from the vending machine.
Keep the dream alive: hit the snooze button.
If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
Discretion is being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
All I ask is a chance to prove money can’t make me happy.
Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.
I gave up my seat to an elderly person on the bus. And that’s how I lost my job as a bus driver.
Our computers went down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me 20 minutes to shuffle the cards for Solitaire.
I used to work for a paper business. But then it folded.
A healthy sleep not only makes your life longer but also shortens the workday.
What’s the flower business when it’s going really well? Blooming.
Sorry, I'm late! Traffic is exactly how it's been every day for the past five years and I was not expecting that.
My boss says I intimidate the other employees. So I just stared at him until he apologized.
How long have I been working for this company? Ever since they threatened to fire me.
Boss: "You're fired." Me: *slams fist on the couch* "You woke me up for this?"
What’s the biggest gripe of retirees? There isn’t enough time to get everything done.
I can’t wait for retirement. I’ll barely walk and have money.
Work hard and save your money and when you are old you will be able to buy the things only the young can enjoy.
Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.
My boss says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
The reason we “nod off to sleep” is so it looks like we’re just emphatically agreeing with everything when we’re in a boring meeting.
I always tell new hires, don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as a friend who can fire you.
There is a new trend in our office; everyone is putting names on their food. I saw it today, while I was eating a sandwich named Kevin.
My annual performance review says I lack “passion and intensity.” I guess management hasn’t seen me alone with a Big Mac.
How do construction workers party? They raise the roof.
Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever’s bugging you.
If our boss makes a mistake, it is our mistake.
Some people are like Slinkies… not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven’t completely understood the situation.
I don’t mind coming to work, it’s the 8-hour wait to go home I can’t stand.
The farther away the future is, the better it looks.
With a calendar, your days are numbered.
It’s not who you know, it’s whom you know.
What’s the best part about teamwork? Someone else to blame.
Why did she quit her job at the helium factory? She refused to be talked to in that voice.
Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you! You have my Word!
My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate so much. I told them, “Just you wait!”
When I got to work this morning, my boss stormed up to me and said, “You missed work yesterday, didn’t you?” I said, “No, not particularly.”
I heard you are going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch. It might be me.
They told me that hard work never beats talent— I guess I’m just not talented.
The best way to keep a job is to work at it!
The boss frowns on anyone yelling: “Hey Weirdo!” He says too many people look up from their work.
Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster with more energy!
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.