“AITA For Telling My Husband He Shouldn’t Do Matching Ken/Barbie Costumes With His Female Coworker?”

We dedicate a huge portion of ourselves to work. And sometimes, for better or worse, it also spills out into our personal lives. In a post from Reddit user RelationshipOdd8524, we see the latter.

Last year, after Greta Gerwig’s movie Barbie came out, her husband and his female coworker decided to attend the office Halloween party as its main characters, Ken and Barbie.

Despite her confidence that nothing romantic is happening between them, the idea didn’t sit well with the woman. So she voiced her concerns to her partner, explaining that matching costumes might give off the wrong impression. However, his view of the situation was different, which only deepened her discomfort.

Work life and family life often exist as two different worlds, but sometimes, they can overlap

Image credits: Warner Bros (not the actual image)

So when this woman found out her husband and his coworker planned to attend a work party as Barbie and Ken, it raised some red flags

Image credits: Polina Zimmerman (not the actual image)

Image credits: nansanh (not the actual image)

Image credits: RelationshipOdd8524

Most people have a work spouse, however, they need to be ready to “step back” if it becomes a threat to their actual relationship

The term work spouse—including work wife and work husband—has become a common feature in many Western offices.

Its true meaning can be a bit slippery, but in 2015, communications researchers M. Chad McBride and Karla Mason Bergen defined this “union” as “a special, platonic friendship with a … colleague characterized by a close emotional bond, high levels of disclosure and support, and mutual trust, honesty, loyalty, and respect.”

It involves a type of compatibility, lastingness, and exclusivity that are also found in real marriages, and while you might argue that these traits are also signs of good friendships, writer and former public policy researcher for Wisconsin Policy Forum Stephanie Murray argues that “when people hear the word friend, they don’t necessarily imagine this intensity—the word has been diluted in the age of Facebook, referring to any number of loose acquaintances.”

But although wife and husband reliably connote intimacy and singularity, they also imply sex and romance. And while we don’t know if Ken and Barbie from the Reddit post are using these words to define their work relationship, the implication might be enough for the man’s wife to feel uncomfortable.

Psychiatrist and associate clinical professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School Dr. Jacqueline Olds says that “most people either currently have or have had a work spouse in the past.” According to her research, 65% of people report having or having had a work spouse.

Interestingly, married people are more likely to report having or having had a work spouse than single people (67% vs. 59%).

While it can work, she suggests that people who feel like the relationship is becoming a threat to their actual marriage or partnership, they have to be prepared to “step back” when things might get too personal. And, judging from the updates the author of the post made later, that’s exactly what happened in this case.

Image credits: Alena Darmel (not the actual image)

As the post went viral, the woman joined the discussion in the comments

Image credits: Tara Winstead (not the actual image)

Later, she issued a few updates on the situation

Most of the people who reacted were on her side

But some thought she should’ve let it go

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