Woman Wants To End Marriage After Learning American Man Feels Embarrassed By Her Culture
A lasting romantic relationship is all about compromise, and even more so when it’s between people from different cultures.
They need to find ways to understand each other’s backgrounds and embrace a multitude of traditions, some of which can even seem contradictory.
It can be quite a challenge. For example, a new US resident, who goes on Reddit by the nickname Any_Yogurtcloset_601, said that she and her American boyfriend managed to make it work at first, but when they agreed to get married, something as seemingly simple as a wedding band started dividing them.
Continue scrolling to read her post on the subreddit ‘Two Hot Takes’ that sheds light on the complexities of intercultural relationships.
This woman moved to the US five years ago, and she soon met an American guy to whom she eventually got engaged
Image credits: Emma Bauso (not the actual photo)
But now she’s considering breaking up with him because she feels that he’s embarrassed to be part of her culture
Image credits: Hanna Auramenka (not the actual photo)
Image credits: August de Richelieu (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Any_Yogurtcloset_601
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Intercultural relationship conflicts similar to this one often get resolved
In the years that she’s been practicing, psychologist Lubna Somjee has worked with couples around similar issues.
“I’ve definitely seen some classic cultural clashes, although many times people have been able to sort of work through them,” Somjee says.
“One of the classic issues is when neither parties have, sort of, prepped themselves for what to expect when they meet the parents. They think they have, but they really haven’t – although most of the time those meetings have gone fairly well in spite of.”
Eventually, it often boils down to how badly people want to be with each other.
“Most of the couples I see do stay together, but I would not say that it was very rare that some couples would break up,” Somjee explains.
“For example, a young couple I worked with had an interracial union and met each other’s families. And it wasn’t until they met each other’s families that it sort of punctuated for them how different their backgrounds were. And they [came] home and for the first time had a much more serious, in-depth discussion of how their culture impacts their everyday life and realized how different their views were on a lot of things. And unfortunately for that couple, those differences were irreconcilable.”
Maybe this conflict was the first time that Any_Yogurtcloset_601 and her partner actually understood their differences, too?
In a way, the general public is rooting for them. As intermarriage grows more prevalent in the United States, the public has become more accepting of it. A 2017 Pew Research Center survey found that roughly four in ten adults (39%) say that people of different races marrying each other is good for society (up significantly from 24% in 2010). Similarly, the share saying this trend is a bad thing for society is down to 9% (from 13% in 2010). And the share saying it doesn’t make much of a difference for society is also down to 52% (from 61%).
As her story went viral, the woman provided more information in the comments section
People started reacting to her post and sharing their opinions about her relationship
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Firstly I'm struggling to see how one gold FITTED bangle would be unprofessional. He can wear a shirt with cuffs and it will just look as general as a wrist watch band, if its seen much at all. Secondly, he must have understood the point of permanency, basically he ended the marriage by cutting that bracelet. If he is really that thick he didn't understand this after so many conversations about it and a whole ceremony where the importance is discussed at nauseum, then he is not a deep enough thinker to recognise honouring a damned thing, the marriage is pointless, don't bother.
I expect the comment about it being unprofessional is hiding the fact that he doesn’t want the bangle at all. He’s an immature person and feels that this is marking him somehow.
Load More Replies...He is inconsistent, insensitive, unreliable, and can't be trusted to be straightforward and honest. That ceremony is pretty elaborate, she informed him about it's meaning numerous times and he participated. Bolt cutter the ring he gave you and give it back.
I wouldn't wear a wedding ring I physically couldn't take off either. That said, the lack of communication is troubling.
How much does anyone want to bet that he got home with the bangle and either someone made a stupid remark or made fun of him over it, or he got tired of explaining why he was wearing it (assuming he was not previously a wearer of men's bracelets) and he did it impulsively? I'm guessing he isn't willing to stand up for something his future wife believes in, or tell others to bug off if they think it is anything other than a sign of his love for her.
How hard Is to say "my wife Is x culture, it's their equivalent of wedding rings"?
Load More Replies...Firstly anyone who says 'in America it wouldn't fit in' is being ridiculous. Our country, United States is made up of hundreds of cultures, over 200 religions, various beliefs, and traditions. No one who is normal, healthy and well adjusted gives a damn about a bangle or any jewelry on anyone. Secondly, your fiance has some issues and being open, honest and direct with you as well as respecting you is a big one. You are very wise to rethink this relationship. He doesn't respect you or your culture. You can do better.
United States and normal/healthy/well adjusted do not fit together. People definitely do react to things that aren't their idea of normal. My immediate family runs the gamut from Christian, Jewish, Atheist, Muslim, Agnostic, and Taoist. Also among that group are black, white, and brown people (Hispanic, Arab, and Asian). They all come from first generation to early 1600s to here before Columbus. They ALL have their idea of what is normal, BUT we all are related and live with those differences. When people aren't, they can be really s****y about things. Whether he respects her culture or not really depends on his reasoning and their actually talking about why he feels that way. Throwing away a marriage and a relationship without fully understanding why doesn't make sense.
Load More Replies...Uh. "dear hr, my wife considers this the same as a wedding band, I am not taking it off and in this new, more culturally sensitive era, I'm sure you understand that it would be discriminatory to ask me too. Kthxbai." Unless he works with rotating machinery this is nonsense. She says he works from home and has a few in person meetings now and then. Mmmokaybro. He's got a friend or a relative who told him it looked girlie and he's too insecure to tell them to eat mud. Betcha. Ditch the dead weight. This won't be the last time he says one thing and does another.
This sounds like a communication issue and they need to talk about it. From an outside perspective, I have a hard time having anything on me: I have necklaces I never wear, I only wear a watch when I am going somewhere, never wear a bracelet, and don't wear my wedding ring unless we are out. It bothers my wife some, but she knows I have this weird fear about having things stuck on me. I didn't used to be this way, but here we are... but we TALKED about it.
My husband and I don't wear our wedding rings because we don't want to and we don't feel that a piece of jewelry is that important. 26 years strong!
Don't know why you stating your opinion deserved a downvote, so have an up...
Load More Replies...I may be way off base, but something about me feels like he took advantage of her. It just reeks to me. They were dating before she assimilated to the culture and he "jokingly" brought up marriage early on. Sounds like a grooming situation to me. He broke a big promise and that's a huge red flag.
Yes, that marriage comment could have been testing the boundaries there and when she responded by talking about her cultural customs instead of saying "in sorry, what?", he happily went along with it. There's nothing wrong with the way she responded, mind you, nor necessarily with a marriage joke within a few weeks, but as you said, in the context of her being in an unfamiliar culture and with the hindsight of his immediately disrespecting a very important part of the marriage after they're married, it's pretty damn sus. It really bothers me how many people are acting like there's any good reason or that it's no big deal though. Those are both clearly addressed in the comments as things she brought up multiple times and he never, ever spoke up about, but immediately disrespected post-marriage (yet still gets upset over ring related customs!!) She absolutely needs to get out before he baby traps her.
Load More Replies...He should have never been fitted with a piece of commitment jewelry if he planned on getting it sawed off behind his fiance's back. He knew what he was doing. This is the equivalent of sawing off your wedding ring. Marraige isn't fake it til you make it. He faked it on her cultural side and now expects her to assimilate to full American while sawing off the bracelet that is more important to her than the rings. Unless she wants her culture to be a vacation thing only, this is not going to work because he is already erasing it
Firstly I'm struggling to see how one gold FITTED bangle would be unprofessional. He can wear a shirt with cuffs and it will just look as general as a wrist watch band, if its seen much at all. Secondly, he must have understood the point of permanency, basically he ended the marriage by cutting that bracelet. If he is really that thick he didn't understand this after so many conversations about it and a whole ceremony where the importance is discussed at nauseum, then he is not a deep enough thinker to recognise honouring a damned thing, the marriage is pointless, don't bother.
I expect the comment about it being unprofessional is hiding the fact that he doesn’t want the bangle at all. He’s an immature person and feels that this is marking him somehow.
Load More Replies...He is inconsistent, insensitive, unreliable, and can't be trusted to be straightforward and honest. That ceremony is pretty elaborate, she informed him about it's meaning numerous times and he participated. Bolt cutter the ring he gave you and give it back.
I wouldn't wear a wedding ring I physically couldn't take off either. That said, the lack of communication is troubling.
How much does anyone want to bet that he got home with the bangle and either someone made a stupid remark or made fun of him over it, or he got tired of explaining why he was wearing it (assuming he was not previously a wearer of men's bracelets) and he did it impulsively? I'm guessing he isn't willing to stand up for something his future wife believes in, or tell others to bug off if they think it is anything other than a sign of his love for her.
How hard Is to say "my wife Is x culture, it's their equivalent of wedding rings"?
Load More Replies...Firstly anyone who says 'in America it wouldn't fit in' is being ridiculous. Our country, United States is made up of hundreds of cultures, over 200 religions, various beliefs, and traditions. No one who is normal, healthy and well adjusted gives a damn about a bangle or any jewelry on anyone. Secondly, your fiance has some issues and being open, honest and direct with you as well as respecting you is a big one. You are very wise to rethink this relationship. He doesn't respect you or your culture. You can do better.
United States and normal/healthy/well adjusted do not fit together. People definitely do react to things that aren't their idea of normal. My immediate family runs the gamut from Christian, Jewish, Atheist, Muslim, Agnostic, and Taoist. Also among that group are black, white, and brown people (Hispanic, Arab, and Asian). They all come from first generation to early 1600s to here before Columbus. They ALL have their idea of what is normal, BUT we all are related and live with those differences. When people aren't, they can be really s****y about things. Whether he respects her culture or not really depends on his reasoning and their actually talking about why he feels that way. Throwing away a marriage and a relationship without fully understanding why doesn't make sense.
Load More Replies...Uh. "dear hr, my wife considers this the same as a wedding band, I am not taking it off and in this new, more culturally sensitive era, I'm sure you understand that it would be discriminatory to ask me too. Kthxbai." Unless he works with rotating machinery this is nonsense. She says he works from home and has a few in person meetings now and then. Mmmokaybro. He's got a friend or a relative who told him it looked girlie and he's too insecure to tell them to eat mud. Betcha. Ditch the dead weight. This won't be the last time he says one thing and does another.
This sounds like a communication issue and they need to talk about it. From an outside perspective, I have a hard time having anything on me: I have necklaces I never wear, I only wear a watch when I am going somewhere, never wear a bracelet, and don't wear my wedding ring unless we are out. It bothers my wife some, but she knows I have this weird fear about having things stuck on me. I didn't used to be this way, but here we are... but we TALKED about it.
My husband and I don't wear our wedding rings because we don't want to and we don't feel that a piece of jewelry is that important. 26 years strong!
Don't know why you stating your opinion deserved a downvote, so have an up...
Load More Replies...I may be way off base, but something about me feels like he took advantage of her. It just reeks to me. They were dating before she assimilated to the culture and he "jokingly" brought up marriage early on. Sounds like a grooming situation to me. He broke a big promise and that's a huge red flag.
Yes, that marriage comment could have been testing the boundaries there and when she responded by talking about her cultural customs instead of saying "in sorry, what?", he happily went along with it. There's nothing wrong with the way she responded, mind you, nor necessarily with a marriage joke within a few weeks, but as you said, in the context of her being in an unfamiliar culture and with the hindsight of his immediately disrespecting a very important part of the marriage after they're married, it's pretty damn sus. It really bothers me how many people are acting like there's any good reason or that it's no big deal though. Those are both clearly addressed in the comments as things she brought up multiple times and he never, ever spoke up about, but immediately disrespected post-marriage (yet still gets upset over ring related customs!!) She absolutely needs to get out before he baby traps her.
Load More Replies...He should have never been fitted with a piece of commitment jewelry if he planned on getting it sawed off behind his fiance's back. He knew what he was doing. This is the equivalent of sawing off your wedding ring. Marraige isn't fake it til you make it. He faked it on her cultural side and now expects her to assimilate to full American while sawing off the bracelet that is more important to her than the rings. Unless she wants her culture to be a vacation thing only, this is not going to work because he is already erasing it























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