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Not everyone is lucky enough to have a supportive, loving family. Some people, unfortunately, experience the exact opposite: years, even decades of torment at the hands of their own flesh and blood, much like what this woman endured.
Not only did she physically, mentally, and emotionally suffer because of her older sister, but her parents always sided against her. She was pretty much the family scapegoat her entire life.
So when she got word that her sibling suffered a miscarriage, she couldn’t help but revel in it. And as you read through, you will see why her feelings were somewhat justified.
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Some people endure years of torment at the hands of their own family
Image credits: Vitolda Klein / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
This woman went through hell growing up, thanks to her parents and older sister
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
It became her reality almost her entire childhood
Image credits: amir graphy / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Her social life also suffered
Image credits: Teona Swift / Pexels (not the actual photo)
One day, she got word that her sister had a miscarriage
Image credits: Arina Krasnikova / Pexels (not the actual photo)
And she couldn’t help but be happy about it
Image credits: anonymous
Image credits:kaboompics / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Family scapegoating is often a form of projection
Based on her account, the author appears to be her family’s scapegoat. She always received the brunt of the blame, while her sister got a pass despite her misgivings.
According to Very Well Mind, several factors may lead to a parent scapegoating their child, from birth order, gender, intellect, and even their looks and appearance. But for the most part, it is a form of projection where a narcissistic parent may perceive their child as a threat for having qualities they lack.
As the article explains, parents who scapegoat their children may have also been raised in dysfunctional families where there is blatant favoritism.
And apart from the longterm effects like trauma, toxic relationships, and normalizing dysfunctional behavior, the child may also internalize that they are the problem.
Healing from a lifetime of torment due to family scapegoating can be a long, arduous process, but you have to start somewhere. According to psychotherapist Jennifer Gerlach, one of the first steps is practicing trusting yourself.
“This can include keeping promises to yourself that reinforce your self-respect, such as a commitment not to engage with someone who repeatedly belittles you,” Gerlach wrote.
Gerlach also advised freeing oneself from the need for other people’s validation and seeking professional help. As she noted, psychotherapy can be a safe space to share family stories without affecting relationships or being shot down for what you share.
“Healing comes when we can acknowledge and share our stories,” she stated.
The author’s jubilance upon hearing about her sister’s miscarriage was likely a cathartic release from the pain she was still carrying. She immediately realized that she might be coming from a place of malice.
Seeking therapy may be her best option to help her process and heal, along with cutting ties from her toxic family, perhaps, for good.
Most commenters showed their support for the author
She shared an update a few days after her first post
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Her family situation had actually gotten worse
Image credits: anonymous
People in the comments offered their words of encouragement
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What do you think ?
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 hour ago
I can tell you beyond a doubt that people like OP's parents and sister never change. Never. Narcissists will never believe that they're narcissists - they are always right and they always believe they're doing the right thing. They always believe they're actually great, generous, kind people and they cannot understand why all the ungrateful ássholes around them don't accept their generosity or their sincere, heartfelt "requests" (like OP being a surrogate.) My mom is 82 years old, and my sister is 50 years old, and they still act exactly like OP's parents and sister. Narcissists never think they're wrong, so they will never actually change who they are.
Kate Johnson 1 hour ago
The best revenge is to cut them all off and have a happy life without them in it. No point in speaking to any of them. They aren't worth wasting any time on at all.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 hour ago
I can tell you beyond a doubt that people like OP's parents and sister never change. Never. Narcissists will never believe that they're narcissists - they are always right and they always believe they're doing the right thing. They always believe they're actually great, generous, kind people and they cannot understand why all the ungrateful ássholes around them don't accept their generosity or their sincere, heartfelt "requests" (like OP being a surrogate.) My mom is 82 years old, and my sister is 50 years old, and they still act exactly like OP's parents and sister. Narcissists never think they're wrong, so they will never actually change who they are.
Kate Johnson 1 hour ago
The best revenge is to cut them all off and have a happy life without them in it. No point in speaking to any of them. They aren't worth wasting any time on at all.
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