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“AITA For Refusing To Let My In-Laws See My Daughter After What They Did During Her Birth?”: Mom Shares Story
Interview With ExpertEveryone aspires to have a harmonious, loving relationship with their spouse’s family. But if life throws a curveball, you may get entitled in-laws with zero respect for your boundaries.
Today’s story is about a poor woman currently dealing with this type of difficult situation. After her parents-in-law caused her a stressful childbirth, she refused to let them see their newborn granddaughter. However, it led to what she described as a “smear campaign” from her husband’s family.
Upset and fed up, she now turns to the AITAH subreddit to know whether she was out of line.
Bored Panda also spoke with marriage/family therapist and radio host Dr. Jane Greer, who shared her insights about dealing with entitled family members.
RELATED:
Dealing with disrespectful, entitled in-laws can be exhausting
Image credits: alinabuphoto (not the actual image)
A woman went through a stressful childbirth because of her husband’s parents, who had no respect for her boundaries
Image credits: nd3000 (not the actual image)
She refused to let the rude grandparents see her newborn daughter
Image credits: GaudiLab (not the actual image)
But it only caused more stress and tension
Image credits: [deleted]
You can’t expect entitled relatives to change their ways
The author’s in-laws aren’t hiding their sense of entitlement. And according to Dr. Greer, parents are usually guilty of this behavior.
“This is often seen as their parental right, with many asserting, ‘because I am your mother,” as justification. They believe this gives them carte blanche to dictate actions and decisions.
“Consequently, they have specific expectations about your behavior that align with their sense of entitlement.”
As the story shows, the in-laws’ behavior only worsened over time. And unfortunately, they likely won’t change their ways because their actions may be rooted in a narcissistic personality disorder.
“Their children become a means of fulfilling their desires rather than individuals to support and nurture,” Dr. Greer explains.
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual image)
It is important for both spouses to stand up against the entitled in-laws
The author says her husband has been supportive but remains torn between his wife and parents. In this case, however, both of them should set boundaries to take action against the entitled behavior displayed by the old couple.
“In some cases, having the spouse speak on behalf of their partner can make the partner feel cared about and prioritized. It shows solidarity and support, ensuring the partner does not feel abandoned or neglected and prevents resentment,” Dr. Greer said.
However, based on her account, having a healthy relationship with her husband’s parents seems unlikely. She did the right thing by distancing herself without showing the same level of disrespect.
What do you think, dear readers?
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual image)
Most commenters sided with the author
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What do you think ?
Beak Hookage 1 year ago
Absolutely disgusting behaviour. If what they did isn't hugely illegal, it bloody well should be.
Trillian 1 year ago
I am having a hard time believing this. Did she not tell the nurses explicitly that no one was to gain access? I mean, a delivery is a medical procedure after all, they can't just let people barge in there? What if she had a c-section, would they have let them run into the operating room as well?
FreeTheUnicorn 1 year ago
Agree, I've yet to see a hospital where you have to specify who you don't want in the room, it's usually a list of people who are ok to come in, especially during the birth. Even the other parent has to be given the ok from the patient. Post Covid most places have become even stricter than before. I know on TV people talk their way into hospitals all the time, but that doesn't actually happen irl. In the US and UK there are huge fines for the hospital if m it does happen, so report that c**p if it does.
Load More Replies...
GettingCereal 1 year ago
How is it that again and again people speaking up and taking action against a******s are derided for not keeping the peace?
Winnie the Moo 1 year ago
The husband is the AH. He called his parents to let them know she was about to give birth, how else would they know? He is the AH for not cutting contact with such psycho’s!
Tessa 1 year ago
Exactly! He is just as bad! And now he is torn? And now I am thinking that a divorce would make it worse, because he would probably take the child to his parents without the mother knowing it! 😡
Load More Replies...
Full of Giggles 1 year ago
The in-laws behavior resulted in her having a c-section, which is a surgical procedure. That’s grounds for a personal injury lawsuit. I say sue them so they understand the severity of their actions. And if husband is against it, well…there’s a lawyer for that too.
Mandie Zimmer 1 year ago
They caused a normal delivery to turn into an emergency C-section because they lied and burst into a place they were told not to be. Post that as a reply to any thing they post and see who supports them then.
Royal Stray 1 year ago
They risked the mom's and baby's health because they're selfish and nasty. They shouldn't be allowed near any of them even if they apologize. What horrible people
Lee Gilliland 1 year ago
Make sure nobody in your husband's family has access in any way to any house keys. If they are willing to violate you to that extent, God alone knows what else they might try.
Pamacious 1 year ago
I would choose no contact going forward, especially no contact with child/children. These in-laws exhibited poor judgment, a lack of empathy, and their behavior was dangerous to the mothers life and the child's. Even if they were remorseful, there's no excuse for their behavior.
DarkViolet 1 year ago
NTA. I'm not a mother, yet I am absolutely furious about this. At least the hospital staff forcibly removed them, which didn't stop OP from having to undergo a C-section. Those a-holes masquerading as fa-a-a-a-mily could have caused mother and child to lose their lives, a fact that her husband needs to consider very carefully while getting off of the fence. OP would be more than justified in getting a restraining order, for her and Lily's protection. But the hospital staff who allowed the delivery room to be invaded has a lot of explaining to do; that should never have happened.
Hodge Elmwood 1 year ago
I don't think OP and her husband ever thought his parents would dare. Parents probably said they were allowed to be there and someone didn't check to make sure.
Load More Replies... Beth Wheeler 1 year ago
Oh and never let you baby be alone with these people. I wouldn't trust them as far as I could throw the them.
J. Maxx 1 year ago
Every time I read one of these family drama posts on BP I thank Goddess that most of my family is DEAD. Both sides of my family were a******s and shitheads and I'm so glad that almost all of them are gone. There's just a couple left and hopefully they'll kick-the-bucket and the World will be rid of their filth.
Melissa anderson 1 year ago
Her in-laws sound like they’re certifiably insane. Hope she gets hospital personnel to testify about their unhinged behavior. These people should be banned from ever seeing their grandchildren.
Joanne Wright 1 year ago
THEY caused YOU to have a C-SECTION!!! WTF??!! They, and their abousive family, need to be gone from your life, and NEVER see your bautiful baby girl.
Karol Chęciński 1 year ago
I would have physically knocked out both of my parents: a) in the hospital; b) when complaining they can't see the kid; c) when they start a smear campaign. RUN!!!!!
Beth Wheeler 1 year ago
People will lie and say they are somebody else on the list. When I was pregnant with my oldest my mother kept saying she wanted to be in the room or be called when I went in labor to be at the hospital. I told my husband she was not getting called until after the baby was born because she would drive us both nuts The only one allowed is you and medical people.
Midoribird Aoi 1 year ago
My sister was explicit about just me (I was her labor coach) and her husband only in the delivery room. I felt blessed to see my nephew born, in all the messy glory that comes with birth. After a bit I said I would go to tell the rest of the family the good news, and opened the door of the room to find my parents and brothers literally leaning against the door, listening. My sister laughed at this point, and they were welcomed inside. No fussing needed.
Hodge Elmwood 1 year ago
The last thing in the world I'd want while giving birth is to have my father in law in the room! Bad enough mother in law was there. Do these people have no sense of decency?? .
Abner_Mality 1 year ago
I'm angry for OP... These inlaws (outlaws) are a bunch of MAJOR AHs !!
cathy hayes 1 year ago
Absolutely not tah how dare they .I have never heard anything so crazy that they would think they have a right to be at the birth of your child .so private and personal and to cause you all that stress. Don't care who they are they would not be anywhere near my child
Ruth Watry 1 year ago
If they saw her vagina against her wishes (she said not before, they lied, and then they refused to leave when she told them to), they are guilty of a sex crime - misdemeanor or felony, depending where the live in the US.
Hilary Rost 1 year ago
I do think that they need to get the message. No doubt they are not seeing the mother to be as someone to respect but rather as the provider of a new grandchild. They need to be taken on one side and be asked to provide in writing reasons why it was right or wrong to do what they did. They need t’agraine to write a full apology. I don’t think they sound very intelligent
Aurora Selene Silverthorne 1 year ago
OP needs to file a lawsuit against the hospital and a lawsuit against her in-laws. Her life and the life of that child were at risk because of those people. She also needs to file a restraining order and police reports of harassment for all those in the family who keep calling her. Husband is at fault too since her in-laws wouldn't even have known she was in labor if he hadn't opened his big mouth and told his parents she was in labor at the hospital.
Rosemary Stephen 1 year ago
time for no contact get them out of your life and anyone that backs them can go as well
Wayne Gossman 1 year ago
If they had burst in while they were both climaxing when they had sex for the first time on their honeymoon, cameras, pictures, and social media posts included I would have called it bizarre but MUCH less upsetting!
Erin E 1 year ago
You or your child could have died!!! Maybe some time apart will change their attitudes. And tell your husband that if he doesn't change his attitude, the two of you will be apart too! As for the rest of the family that think you're evil, tell them your child comes first and your MIL and DIL and the rest of them can kiss your a**. Also don't trust any of them
Terry Step 1 year ago
These people are toxic I would insist on grandpa having a vasectomy for all to witness as for grandparents rights rally were you there helping to push at conception sue her for undo pain and c section if I was you no matter how I rose above this I would always be in a livingng night mare
Beak Hookage 1 year ago
Absolutely disgusting behaviour. If what they did isn't hugely illegal, it bloody well should be.
Trillian 1 year ago
I am having a hard time believing this. Did she not tell the nurses explicitly that no one was to gain access? I mean, a delivery is a medical procedure after all, they can't just let people barge in there? What if she had a c-section, would they have let them run into the operating room as well?
FreeTheUnicorn 1 year ago
Agree, I've yet to see a hospital where you have to specify who you don't want in the room, it's usually a list of people who are ok to come in, especially during the birth. Even the other parent has to be given the ok from the patient. Post Covid most places have become even stricter than before. I know on TV people talk their way into hospitals all the time, but that doesn't actually happen irl. In the US and UK there are huge fines for the hospital if m it does happen, so report that c**p if it does.
Load More Replies... GettingCereal 1 year ago
How is it that again and again people speaking up and taking action against a******s are derided for not keeping the peace?
Winnie the Moo 1 year ago
The husband is the AH. He called his parents to let them know she was about to give birth, how else would they know? He is the AH for not cutting contact with such psycho’s!
Tessa 1 year ago
Exactly! He is just as bad! And now he is torn? And now I am thinking that a divorce would make it worse, because he would probably take the child to his parents without the mother knowing it! 😡
Load More Replies... Full of Giggles 1 year ago
The in-laws behavior resulted in her having a c-section, which is a surgical procedure. That’s grounds for a personal injury lawsuit. I say sue them so they understand the severity of their actions. And if husband is against it, well…there’s a lawyer for that too.
Mandie Zimmer 1 year ago
They caused a normal delivery to turn into an emergency C-section because they lied and burst into a place they were told not to be. Post that as a reply to any thing they post and see who supports them then.
Royal Stray 1 year ago
They risked the mom's and baby's health because they're selfish and nasty. They shouldn't be allowed near any of them even if they apologize. What horrible people
Lee Gilliland 1 year ago
Make sure nobody in your husband's family has access in any way to any house keys. If they are willing to violate you to that extent, God alone knows what else they might try.
Pamacious 1 year ago
I would choose no contact going forward, especially no contact with child/children. These in-laws exhibited poor judgment, a lack of empathy, and their behavior was dangerous to the mothers life and the child's. Even if they were remorseful, there's no excuse for their behavior.
DarkViolet 1 year ago
NTA. I'm not a mother, yet I am absolutely furious about this. At least the hospital staff forcibly removed them, which didn't stop OP from having to undergo a C-section. Those a-holes masquerading as fa-a-a-a-mily could have caused mother and child to lose their lives, a fact that her husband needs to consider very carefully while getting off of the fence. OP would be more than justified in getting a restraining order, for her and Lily's protection. But the hospital staff who allowed the delivery room to be invaded has a lot of explaining to do; that should never have happened.
Hodge Elmwood 1 year ago
I don't think OP and her husband ever thought his parents would dare. Parents probably said they were allowed to be there and someone didn't check to make sure.
Load More Replies... Beth Wheeler 1 year ago
Oh and never let you baby be alone with these people. I wouldn't trust them as far as I could throw the them.
J. Maxx 1 year ago
Every time I read one of these family drama posts on BP I thank Goddess that most of my family is DEAD. Both sides of my family were a******s and shitheads and I'm so glad that almost all of them are gone. There's just a couple left and hopefully they'll kick-the-bucket and the World will be rid of their filth.
Melissa anderson 1 year ago
Her in-laws sound like they’re certifiably insane. Hope she gets hospital personnel to testify about their unhinged behavior. These people should be banned from ever seeing their grandchildren.
Joanne Wright 1 year ago
THEY caused YOU to have a C-SECTION!!! WTF??!! They, and their abousive family, need to be gone from your life, and NEVER see your bautiful baby girl.
Karol Chęciński 1 year ago
I would have physically knocked out both of my parents: a) in the hospital; b) when complaining they can't see the kid; c) when they start a smear campaign. RUN!!!!!
Beth Wheeler 1 year ago
People will lie and say they are somebody else on the list. When I was pregnant with my oldest my mother kept saying she wanted to be in the room or be called when I went in labor to be at the hospital. I told my husband she was not getting called until after the baby was born because she would drive us both nuts The only one allowed is you and medical people.
Midoribird Aoi 1 year ago
My sister was explicit about just me (I was her labor coach) and her husband only in the delivery room. I felt blessed to see my nephew born, in all the messy glory that comes with birth. After a bit I said I would go to tell the rest of the family the good news, and opened the door of the room to find my parents and brothers literally leaning against the door, listening. My sister laughed at this point, and they were welcomed inside. No fussing needed.
Hodge Elmwood 1 year ago
The last thing in the world I'd want while giving birth is to have my father in law in the room! Bad enough mother in law was there. Do these people have no sense of decency?? .
Abner_Mality 1 year ago
I'm angry for OP... These inlaws (outlaws) are a bunch of MAJOR AHs !!
cathy hayes 1 year ago
Absolutely not tah how dare they .I have never heard anything so crazy that they would think they have a right to be at the birth of your child .so private and personal and to cause you all that stress. Don't care who they are they would not be anywhere near my child
Ruth Watry 1 year ago
If they saw her vagina against her wishes (she said not before, they lied, and then they refused to leave when she told them to), they are guilty of a sex crime - misdemeanor or felony, depending where the live in the US.
Hilary Rost 1 year ago
I do think that they need to get the message. No doubt they are not seeing the mother to be as someone to respect but rather as the provider of a new grandchild. They need to be taken on one side and be asked to provide in writing reasons why it was right or wrong to do what they did. They need t’agraine to write a full apology. I don’t think they sound very intelligent
Aurora Selene Silverthorne 1 year ago
OP needs to file a lawsuit against the hospital and a lawsuit against her in-laws. Her life and the life of that child were at risk because of those people. She also needs to file a restraining order and police reports of harassment for all those in the family who keep calling her. Husband is at fault too since her in-laws wouldn't even have known she was in labor if he hadn't opened his big mouth and told his parents she was in labor at the hospital.
Rosemary Stephen 1 year ago
time for no contact get them out of your life and anyone that backs them can go as well
Wayne Gossman 1 year ago
If they had burst in while they were both climaxing when they had sex for the first time on their honeymoon, cameras, pictures, and social media posts included I would have called it bizarre but MUCH less upsetting!
Erin E 1 year ago
You or your child could have died!!! Maybe some time apart will change their attitudes. And tell your husband that if he doesn't change his attitude, the two of you will be apart too! As for the rest of the family that think you're evil, tell them your child comes first and your MIL and DIL and the rest of them can kiss your a**. Also don't trust any of them
Terry Step 1 year ago
These people are toxic I would insist on grandpa having a vasectomy for all to witness as for grandparents rights rally were you there helping to push at conception sue her for undo pain and c section if I was you no matter how I rose above this I would always be in a livingng night mare
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