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Family Of 4 Expects Woman To Take Them In During Hard Times, But She Can’t Forgive Them For Humiliating Her
Family means different things to different people. Some move mountains for a relative in need, while others look out solely for themselves and aren’t interested in visiting anyone, even on holidays.
This story belongs to the latter category. Several years ago, a woman who was struggling financially lived with her brother and his wife. But the couple then had her move out to accommodate the birth of their child.
Recently, the tables have turned, and they were the ones coming to the woman for help. However, the emotional wounds inflicted on her by the eviction made her hesitant to take her brother in.
After their parents stepped in, the woman is now torn between serving “karmic justice” and helping out. Scroll down for the whole story.
RELATED:
A woman refuses to take in her brother and his family because they evicted her from their home years ago
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
“AITA for refusing to let my brother’s family move in after he evicted me years ago?”
“Several years ago, I (28F) was living with my older brother “Tom” (37M) and his wife “Karen” (34F). I had just graduated from college, had a pretty bad job at the time, and was struggling to make ends meet. Tom had a house with a guest room, and he told me I could stay with them for a while until I got back on my feet. I was beyond grateful, and I made sure to help out however I could — cooking, cleaning, buying groceries when I could afford it.
Fast forward about six months. I finally landed a decent job and was able to contribute more financially. I was on my way to becoming independent. Around this time, Karen got pregnant.
At first, everything seemed fine, but then Karen started dropping subtle hints that they needed more space for the baby. The hints soon turned into direct conversations about how they needed the guest room for a nursery. Tom assured me that I could stay until I found a new place, but Karen was clearly becoming more agitated by the day.
Then, one afternoon, I came home from work to find all my stuff packed up and sitting in the hallway. Tom told me that Karen had decided they needed me out ASAP. No discussion, no warning. He tried to soften the blow by saying they’d help me with a security deposit on a new place, but it was humiliating and hurtful.
I ended up couch surfing for a couple of months until I could afford a small studio apartment. It was a really tough time for me, both emotionally and financially. I’ll never forget the feeling of being thrown out of my own brother’s house like that.
Image credits: Ivan Samkov / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Fast forward to now. Tom’s life has taken a turn. His business went under, and they’re having financial issues. Last week, he called me out of the blue, sounding desperate. They’re being evicted from their house and have nowhere to go. He asked if he, Karen, and their two kids could stay with me for “a few months” while they get back on their feet.
Here’s the thing: I’m doing much better now. I have a good job, a nice apartment, and I’ve been saving for a house. I can technically accommodate them, but the thought of letting them move in after what they did to me years ago just doesn’t sit right.
I told Tom I needed to think about it, and ever since, he’s been sending me guilt-trippy texts about how “family is supposed to be there for each other” and how they have nowhere else to go. Even my parents have gotten involved, saying I should let them stay with me because “they’re family” and “what happened years ago is in the past.”
But here’s the kicker: Karen hasn’t apologized once for how they treated me. Not a word. She didn’t even acknowledge it when we spoke on the phone. It’s like they expect me to just forget about it and welcome them with open arms. I’m torn. Part of me feels like I should help because they are my family, but the other part of me feels like this is karmic justice.
AITA for refusing to let them stay with me after what they did? Or should I let the past go and help them out in their time of need?”
Credits: peachygurl18
Image credits: Anna Shvets / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Feeling betrayed can have long-lasting effects
The author likely felt betrayed and abandoned by her own brother, and she admitted to carrying the pain and being unable to let it go. She may also be experiencing betrayal trauma.
Psychologist Dr. Jennifer Freyd first coined the term in 1991, defining it as a violation of trust committed by someone you depend on for survival. Betrayal trauma comes in various forms, including familial betrayal.
Betrayal trauma carries a heavier burden compared to post-traumatic stress because it involves someone close to you. In an interview with Mind Body Green, licensed therapist Jessica Conquest, LMFT, likened it to getting robbed on a subway and then finding out a partner set you up for an insurance payout. Such pain may linger for years.
A person suffering from betrayal trauma may show specific signs. According to MindWell Psychology NYC, these may include flashbacks and avoidance behaviors, as well as a lack of trust toward other people and low self-esteem.
The author seems to have experienced all of the above. She went through emotional struggles as she tried to shake off the feeling of being abandoned by a close family member.
Her avoidance and lack of trust were displayed when she refused to take her brother in during his time of need.
Image credits: SHVETS production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Sharing one’s experiences may help alleviate the trauma
People deal with traumatic experiences differently. Some may seek professional help through different forms of therapy.
In any case, knowing you’re struggling is step one in the right direction.
“Recovery implies awareness,” Conquest says, adding that cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) are specifically designed to help patients deal with their traumatic struggles.
Meanwhile, trauma psychologist Dr. Remi Coker suggests seeking help from others around.
“Sometimes turning to others for support can show us that we aren’t alone, and that can be enough to find a way to change one’s situation,” Dr. Coker told Mind Body Green.
Conquest agrees that therapy may not be a viable option for many, and seeking solace from others may be an excellent first step.
This seems to have been the author’s course of action. In her post, she admitted that she was seeking an outside perspective, even if it came from people she didn’t know personally.
However, she seems more inclined to stick to her guns and refuse to take in her brother’s family. If she indeed suffered from betrayal trauma, it may take a while before her wounds could completely heal.
What’s your opinion, dear readers? Was the woman’s decision justified? Or should she just take the high road?
The woman behind this particular story provided more information, and many commenters sided with her
People saw a lot of valid reasons behind the woman’s choice
However, some thought she was being ungrateful toward her brother and his wife
What do you think ?
StumblingThroughLife 1 month ago
No update? PLEASE, BP, stop posting unresolved ones! It's like a bookshop selling novels that have the last few chapters missing...
Boo 1 month ago (edited)
The post was removed by reddit's filters. Chances are it's AI slop or rage bait. Plus OP's account has been banned.
Load More Replies...
jasper 1 month ago
I don't understand all the YTA. Letting ONE person live in a spare room is not remotely the same as letting FOUR people live with you, especially when 2 of them are children. No No NO. If you let them in and they refuse to leave, you are screwed.
Jo Firth 1 month ago
But she made no effort to find alternative accommodation when she knew they were preparing for a baby. I'm a YTA on this one.
Load More Replies...
Roni Stone 1 month ago
Nope, even if this is AI slop, I'll pretend it's real and say Never in a Million Years. You were 1 girl living with a couple for a few months and it still came to hard feelings. This is a whole dammed chicken dinner with tenders trying to occupy all your private spaces! Hail no. Even without the residual hard feelings (which I believe would be button-pushed by the Karen) this is a recipe for disaster, not a picnic. Just no, kiddo.
Mike F 1 month ago
There's also the possibility that OP lives in an apartment and simply cannot take them in due to the lease agreement.
Load More Replies...
Just stopping by 1 month ago (edited)
Personally, that apology would be needed from the wife. There's ways to go about these things and that just wasn't it. From there, I would help them solely based off of them being family and them having helped me prior. However, they would have to adjust to however way I’m living my life at that time. As in no chaos, no noise and keeping arguing to a minimum, keep the mess down, all those types of things. And when that 6th month mark came around we will need to begin exploring other options again.
Sue Garland 1 month ago
I empathize with Peachy's hesitance to turn away family; I was raised with the same lopsided belief that we owe family whatever they asked. It only went downhill, though, not from parents to kids. I have several thoughts: 1. There's a difference between a couple with a spare room hosting a single woman, and a single woman in an apartment hosting a family of four. 2. Peachy needs to pull up her big-girl panties and say what's true for her; that she still feels the hurt of having been evicted so roughly, and that hosting a family of four is simply impossible in her space. 3. I do like, very much, the idea of everyone, including sister-in-law's family, pitching into a fund to support the family in a motel for a few months. 4. Peachy needs to get therapy to deal with the guilt she unfairly carries.
Panda Kicki 1 month ago
I would have hated having a house guest I didnt know to well for half a year, that refused to move out despite clear hints even though they got a good job. Everyone has annoying habits and she may not have been the perfect guest she envisioned. She had no empathy that the pregnant woman may have wanted that time without a house guest and start to prepare for the baby. I could have done the same thing and just pack her stuff and evict.
Nancy Whiting 16 hours ago
BIG difference between 1 adult and a family of 4. The strain of dealing with small kids, close quarters, and long-held resentment isn't negligible.
K Barnes 1 month ago
I feel like OP overreacted to what happened. It *was* s****y but I don't think it was treating her terribly. SIL was saying she needed to get the baby's room ready, OP acknowledges SIL was becoming more stressed by the day, so OP should have moved out before the breaking point. SIL should have set a hard deadline and given notice of moving out. It was immature to pack OP's stuff suddenly, but not worth holding such a grudge over. They helped her when she was in that situation and she refuses to help them over a grudge. If she didn't have space or resources it would be fine but it seems to be in revenge over something she should move on from. Letting your niblings be homeless over a petty grudge/revenge makes OP the AH in my opinion.
FreeTheUnicorn 1 month ago
As much as the hurt is about the adults, if the kids are really going to be homeless, I think OP should help them out. But have a contact, even if rent is tiny. That way you have an end date, and some legal recourse if they do something like trash the house. I'd also just bring up as often as possible and in front of the kids, until there was a sincere apology, that even though you were made homeless by Karen, you're letting them stay and wouldn't chuck them out without warning. But get a contract, make sure expectations are clear
Crystalwitch60 1 month ago
Erm ytas crawl back under your troll bridge alreadyb🙄 ok kinda a good point made by first one , but let’s get this bit straight shall we lol …. OP IS ONE PERSON ONE !!! as helped in the house paid her way etc , they are expecting her to take in 4 PEOPLE not one 4 !! Huge bloody difference there , plus she’s in an apartment,and struggles being around people for to long , I get this big time , cos I can’t be around people for long ,ok diff reason for me , but still, n all the rest of the family are calling her selfish , ok then YOU LOT TAKE EM IN !!or as op suggested get a go fund me to rent them somewhere else 🤷♀️, with enough money to pay say 6 mths upfront so they can settle in n find a bloody job PERFECT SOLUTION !! if she caves n lets them move in, she will never get rid of em ,n Karen sounds like a Karen , n would likely have her kicked out her own home !! NTA AND HARD PASS OP don’t do it lovely x,
Rimjabbathehutt 1 month ago
OP is absolutely the àsshóle. They basically told her to move out for several months and she was too self absorbed and oblivious to notice or do anything about it. She's not obligated to house them but this is a píss poor excuse not to. OP needs to grow up.
StumblingThroughLife 1 month ago
No update? PLEASE, BP, stop posting unresolved ones! It's like a bookshop selling novels that have the last few chapters missing...
Boo 1 month ago (edited)
The post was removed by reddit's filters. Chances are it's AI slop or rage bait. Plus OP's account has been banned.
Load More Replies... jasper 1 month ago
I don't understand all the YTA. Letting ONE person live in a spare room is not remotely the same as letting FOUR people live with you, especially when 2 of them are children. No No NO. If you let them in and they refuse to leave, you are screwed.
Jo Firth 1 month ago
But she made no effort to find alternative accommodation when she knew they were preparing for a baby. I'm a YTA on this one.
Load More Replies... Roni Stone 1 month ago
Nope, even if this is AI slop, I'll pretend it's real and say Never in a Million Years. You were 1 girl living with a couple for a few months and it still came to hard feelings. This is a whole dammed chicken dinner with tenders trying to occupy all your private spaces! Hail no. Even without the residual hard feelings (which I believe would be button-pushed by the Karen) this is a recipe for disaster, not a picnic. Just no, kiddo.
Mike F 1 month ago
There's also the possibility that OP lives in an apartment and simply cannot take them in due to the lease agreement.
Load More Replies... Just stopping by 1 month ago (edited)
Personally, that apology would be needed from the wife. There's ways to go about these things and that just wasn't it. From there, I would help them solely based off of them being family and them having helped me prior. However, they would have to adjust to however way I’m living my life at that time. As in no chaos, no noise and keeping arguing to a minimum, keep the mess down, all those types of things. And when that 6th month mark came around we will need to begin exploring other options again.
Sue Garland 1 month ago
I empathize with Peachy's hesitance to turn away family; I was raised with the same lopsided belief that we owe family whatever they asked. It only went downhill, though, not from parents to kids. I have several thoughts: 1. There's a difference between a couple with a spare room hosting a single woman, and a single woman in an apartment hosting a family of four. 2. Peachy needs to pull up her big-girl panties and say what's true for her; that she still feels the hurt of having been evicted so roughly, and that hosting a family of four is simply impossible in her space. 3. I do like, very much, the idea of everyone, including sister-in-law's family, pitching into a fund to support the family in a motel for a few months. 4. Peachy needs to get therapy to deal with the guilt she unfairly carries.
Panda Kicki 1 month ago
I would have hated having a house guest I didnt know to well for half a year, that refused to move out despite clear hints even though they got a good job. Everyone has annoying habits and she may not have been the perfect guest she envisioned. She had no empathy that the pregnant woman may have wanted that time without a house guest and start to prepare for the baby. I could have done the same thing and just pack her stuff and evict.
Nancy Whiting 16 hours ago
BIG difference between 1 adult and a family of 4. The strain of dealing with small kids, close quarters, and long-held resentment isn't negligible.
K Barnes 1 month ago
I feel like OP overreacted to what happened. It *was* s****y but I don't think it was treating her terribly. SIL was saying she needed to get the baby's room ready, OP acknowledges SIL was becoming more stressed by the day, so OP should have moved out before the breaking point. SIL should have set a hard deadline and given notice of moving out. It was immature to pack OP's stuff suddenly, but not worth holding such a grudge over. They helped her when she was in that situation and she refuses to help them over a grudge. If she didn't have space or resources it would be fine but it seems to be in revenge over something she should move on from. Letting your niblings be homeless over a petty grudge/revenge makes OP the AH in my opinion.
FreeTheUnicorn 1 month ago
As much as the hurt is about the adults, if the kids are really going to be homeless, I think OP should help them out. But have a contact, even if rent is tiny. That way you have an end date, and some legal recourse if they do something like trash the house. I'd also just bring up as often as possible and in front of the kids, until there was a sincere apology, that even though you were made homeless by Karen, you're letting them stay and wouldn't chuck them out without warning. But get a contract, make sure expectations are clear
Crystalwitch60 1 month ago
Erm ytas crawl back under your troll bridge alreadyb🙄 ok kinda a good point made by first one , but let’s get this bit straight shall we lol …. OP IS ONE PERSON ONE !!! as helped in the house paid her way etc , they are expecting her to take in 4 PEOPLE not one 4 !! Huge bloody difference there , plus she’s in an apartment,and struggles being around people for to long , I get this big time , cos I can’t be around people for long ,ok diff reason for me , but still, n all the rest of the family are calling her selfish , ok then YOU LOT TAKE EM IN !!or as op suggested get a go fund me to rent them somewhere else 🤷♀️, with enough money to pay say 6 mths upfront so they can settle in n find a bloody job PERFECT SOLUTION !! if she caves n lets them move in, she will never get rid of em ,n Karen sounds like a Karen , n would likely have her kicked out her own home !! NTA AND HARD PASS OP don’t do it lovely x,
Rimjabbathehutt 1 month ago
OP is absolutely the àsshóle. They basically told her to move out for several months and she was too self absorbed and oblivious to notice or do anything about it. She's not obligated to house them but this is a píss poor excuse not to. OP needs to grow up.
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