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While there is this natural tendency to romanticize marriage, it’s important to remember that it is also a socio-legal concept. As such, rules and conditions will apply no matter how you look at it. Even if they are coming from personal experience and boundaries.
Despite this, it can still cause a problem in a relationship. A woman recently asked if she was wrong to make her fiance sign a prenuptial agreement because she is well off and she wants to keep it that way because life can be unpredictable.
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Marriage is a serious commitment—one that only benefits from clearly set rules and boundaries
Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko / pexels (not the actual photo)
This woman wanted to establish some formalities, but her soon-to-be husband didn’t take it all that well
Image credits: Anna Shvets / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Gustavo Fring / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: AdvisorSea4600
So she turned to the internet for some perspective, asking folks on Reddit if she was wrong to push it
This one Redditor recently asked folks on r/AITAH, a subreddit for judging human conflicts and dilemmas, if she was wrong to want her fiancé to sign a prenuptial agreement before marriage.
For those unaware, a prenuptial agreement is a contract two partners can make before marriage which typically lists who owns what and what will happen with it in case of a divorce.
At first, he agreed, but he didn’t seem to realize how serious OP was as the next time the topic was brought up, the hubby-to-be was handed a draft of the agreement for review with his lawyer. Needless to say, he wasn’t thrilled.
While he did end up agreeing in the end, he still got offended, even more so with an infidelity clause included in it. He thought it was disrespectful and felt like he was expected to fail. OP, however, just wanted to protect her wealth which she worked hard for.
And folks were all in support of OP. Many argued that the agreement would give OP peace of mind and expressed their worries over the husband’s reaction, saying that OP should probably work that out first before the marriage.
Image credits: Sora Shimazaki / pexels (not the actual photo)
A prenuptial agreement, however, has more uses than just drawing the line of who owns what
NOLO, a resource for legal information, explains that prenuptial agreements can also be used to pass separate property to children from prior marriages, clarify financial rights, and even get protection from debt.
A prenup is not mandatory as, if there is no such contract concluded, state laws and regulations come into force. These differ depending on the state, but generally, spouses share ownership of property and debt they acquire within a marriage—and it’s all divided up during divorce.
As prenup agreements are becoming more common today (mostly because of the prevalence of divorce and remarriage), courts and legislatures are becoming more and more willing to uphold these agreements. They do, however, need to be fair and legally sound.
It is strongly recommended for each spouse to have consulted with an attorney. While it isn’t a requirement, most judges often question prenups that were drafted by the partners, but not reviewed by folks who are fluent in legalese.
So, what are your thoughts on any of this? Who do you side with and why? Share your thoughts and stories in the comment section below!
Image credits: cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo)
The author of the post also elaborated in the comment section on some of the nuances in the story
The general consensus was that the woman was not wrong to want a prenup, and was actually supported for it
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What do you think ?
Alro 1 year ago
People thinking nothing/people will ever change are delusional... Prenups are insurances, like for your car, even if you're a good driver.
Susie Elle 1 year ago
Some people find it difficult to separate emotion from rational decisions, especially when it comes to things regarding your relationship. It's not wrong, but can be difficult when one person likes to take worst-case scenarios into consideration when it comes to protecting assets, because you can never really know how life turns out (regardless of infidelity), but the other one wants to use love as a trustworthy foundation for everything (which is romantic and sweet, but also naïve).
Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo 1 year ago (edited)
I agree. I dont think OP is an a*****e, but I also dont automatically think the worst of the partner for getting upset at being asked. She didnt say that hes prone to anger, or was abusive. He didnt refuse either.
Load More Replies...
ॐBoyGanesh 1 year ago
It’s comes down to whether or not one can allow a relationship to be defined as transactional on any level or not. For some, marriage may need to be an “all in” with everything each has to offer, including assets. It’s a romanticized idea of the concept, but definitely not out of the ordinary. For most of history there wasn’t an option for a prenup. Which incentivized the reasons for getting married and the actions once married. Marriage can be seen as the ultimate trust in one another. Just as it can be seen as a gamble. Unless there’s an imbalance of assets going into it, it’s easy to see if this way. If there’s both an imbalance of relationship/homemaking labor (emotional & mental included) that needs to be compensated for should they divorce. I came into my marriage with 10 times the money & assets as my husband. He offered a prenup, I said “no” & supported him thru med school/residency. If we divorce, he’ll get 1/2 my assets & I’ll be ok with that. That’s the risk I took.
Grumpy 1 year ago
Of course there wasn't an option for a prenup for most of history, all assets defaulted to the man! Good grief...
Load More Replies...
WonderWoman 1 year ago
Marriage is a contract between two individuals. Two companies joining up don't expect there to be a severance in the future, but they do have it spelled out in the contracts before they sign. Marriages should be the same, especially when there are personal assets to protect.
Libstak 1 year ago
His lawyer advised him it was fair, so yes, I expect there was.
Load More Replies...
Power puff scientist 1 year ago
makes sense to me. when you are together in a relationship you share resources. when the relationship ends the sharing of resources ends. and no one should have to give someone half their money just because they were married if the other person did nothing to help you build your wealth.
MR 1 year ago
His reaction would have me running for the hills. Everyone knows what a prenuptial is. And what it's for. More importantly, everyone knows someone who probably wishes they had one. Most marriages fail eventually. That's just life. The fact that he wants to feel betrayed that you're aware of and wish to protect yourself from the reality suggests that he may hope that in that reality, he could benefit from it. And his angst over the infidelity clause? Seriously? If you have no intention of cheating, this shouldn't even be difficult. The only way that clause disrespects your relationship is if you already had intent to disrespect it yourself.
Koala_Tralala 1 year ago
Not necesserly. If somebody has this romantical conviction that "all you need is love", and is deeply loving their partner, and is really willing to spend rest of their life together, in good and bad, with trust, love and care - then they could feel very offended and betrayed by the fact that their beloved person doesn't share this point of view. Which, for them, means that their partner doesn't love them as much as they love them.
Load More Replies...
Islandchild 1 year ago
Personally my partner requesting a prenup would be a relationship breaker for me as it screams lack of trust and why would you want to marry someone you don't trust? Now, that said, I can understand why people view it as a good idea. I find people marry without ever discussing the big things much less coming to an agreement about them and a prenup does that, or should.
Red Reilly 1 year ago
Red flaaaaaaaaags, so many red flags. 'he only said it so I would accept' nope, get out of there girl.
Alro 1 year ago
People thinking nothing/people will ever change are delusional... Prenups are insurances, like for your car, even if you're a good driver.
Susie Elle 1 year ago
Some people find it difficult to separate emotion from rational decisions, especially when it comes to things regarding your relationship. It's not wrong, but can be difficult when one person likes to take worst-case scenarios into consideration when it comes to protecting assets, because you can never really know how life turns out (regardless of infidelity), but the other one wants to use love as a trustworthy foundation for everything (which is romantic and sweet, but also naïve).
Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo 1 year ago (edited)
I agree. I dont think OP is an a*****e, but I also dont automatically think the worst of the partner for getting upset at being asked. She didnt say that hes prone to anger, or was abusive. He didnt refuse either.
Load More Replies... ॐBoyGanesh 1 year ago
It’s comes down to whether or not one can allow a relationship to be defined as transactional on any level or not. For some, marriage may need to be an “all in” with everything each has to offer, including assets. It’s a romanticized idea of the concept, but definitely not out of the ordinary. For most of history there wasn’t an option for a prenup. Which incentivized the reasons for getting married and the actions once married. Marriage can be seen as the ultimate trust in one another. Just as it can be seen as a gamble. Unless there’s an imbalance of assets going into it, it’s easy to see if this way. If there’s both an imbalance of relationship/homemaking labor (emotional & mental included) that needs to be compensated for should they divorce. I came into my marriage with 10 times the money & assets as my husband. He offered a prenup, I said “no” & supported him thru med school/residency. If we divorce, he’ll get 1/2 my assets & I’ll be ok with that. That’s the risk I took.
Grumpy 1 year ago
Of course there wasn't an option for a prenup for most of history, all assets defaulted to the man! Good grief...
Load More Replies... WonderWoman 1 year ago
Marriage is a contract between two individuals. Two companies joining up don't expect there to be a severance in the future, but they do have it spelled out in the contracts before they sign. Marriages should be the same, especially when there are personal assets to protect.
Libstak 1 year ago
His lawyer advised him it was fair, so yes, I expect there was.
Load More Replies... Power puff scientist 1 year ago
makes sense to me. when you are together in a relationship you share resources. when the relationship ends the sharing of resources ends. and no one should have to give someone half their money just because they were married if the other person did nothing to help you build your wealth.
MR 1 year ago
His reaction would have me running for the hills. Everyone knows what a prenuptial is. And what it's for. More importantly, everyone knows someone who probably wishes they had one. Most marriages fail eventually. That's just life. The fact that he wants to feel betrayed that you're aware of and wish to protect yourself from the reality suggests that he may hope that in that reality, he could benefit from it. And his angst over the infidelity clause? Seriously? If you have no intention of cheating, this shouldn't even be difficult. The only way that clause disrespects your relationship is if you already had intent to disrespect it yourself.
Koala_Tralala 1 year ago
Not necesserly. If somebody has this romantical conviction that "all you need is love", and is deeply loving their partner, and is really willing to spend rest of their life together, in good and bad, with trust, love and care - then they could feel very offended and betrayed by the fact that their beloved person doesn't share this point of view. Which, for them, means that their partner doesn't love them as much as they love them.
Load More Replies... Islandchild 1 year ago
Personally my partner requesting a prenup would be a relationship breaker for me as it screams lack of trust and why would you want to marry someone you don't trust? Now, that said, I can understand why people view it as a good idea. I find people marry without ever discussing the big things much less coming to an agreement about them and a prenup does that, or should.
Red Reilly 1 year ago
Red flaaaaaaaaags, so many red flags. 'he only said it so I would accept' nope, get out of there girl.
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