“Am I The Jerk For Telling My Boyfriend He Isn’t Entitled To My Inheritance?”
In most partnerships, money is one of the stickiest subjects. Who makes what, how to split the bills, and is there a way to have more?
But as this story shows, answering some of these tough questions can actually increase tensions within the relationship, not reduce it.
After her grandfather passed away, Reddit user throw_709236 inherited a significant amount of money from his estate. She took the opportunity to quit a job that made her miserable and pursue the passions that gave her the most joy.
The situation, however, got more complicated because the woman’s boyfriend, who she was living with, expressed that he would like her to step up with their bills and use some of her wealth to cover their rent.
After refusing, the woman started having second thoughts and turned to the platform’s “Am I the [Jerk]?” community for advice.
This woman’s life was turned upside down after she inherited a big portion of her grandpa’s estate
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
But her boyfriend thought she also needed to step up with their bills
Image credits: cottonbro (not the actual photo)
It’s not exactly obvious what the right course of action for this couple is. Experts at the National Bank of Canada, for instance, say that the 50/50 split works when both people are making more or less the same. But if there is a significant salary gap between them, the distribution of expenses is more balanced if each contributes proportionally to their income.
The equation is really simple: all you have to do is calculate what percentage of total household income is earned by each person and then apply this percentage to the total monthly budget.
Let’s take this hypothetical situation as an example: one of the spouses earns $75,000 per year and the other $25,000. The monthly household budget is $5,000. How do they allocate the expenses? The spouse who earns $75,000 transfers $3,750 to the joint account (or 75% of $5,000) and the other transfers the remaining $1,250 (25% of $5,000). Thus, each partner is contributing to shared expenses in relation to their financial capacity.
But since this is an inheritance and the woman is no longer working, determining her yearly base can be a bit trickier.
People’s opinions were split; one group sided with the woman
When you’re in a committed relationship, these things are important. 48% of Americans who are married or living with a partner say they argue with the person over money, according to a survey by The Cashlorette. Most of those fights are about spending habits: 60% said that one person spends too much or the other is too cheap.
Such conflicts can have serious consequences. In many cases, they are the number one predictor of whether or not you’ll end up divorced, according to a study of more than 4,500 couples. “Financial disagreements did predict divorce more strongly than other common problem areas like disagreements over household tasks or spending time together,” the people behind the research concluded.
While another believed she was in the wrong
What often makes matters even worse, according to data from a 2021 study of 1,713 couples conducted by Fidelity, is that roughly 40% of people in a serious relationship don’t know how much their partner makes.
These results came despite 71% of respondents saying they communicate “very well” with their significant other, and 25% saying they communicate about money “exceptionally well.”
Many couples are simply too hesitant to have full, honest discussions about money. “Life is busy and people don’t necessarily take the time to talk about their finances,” Stacey Watson, senior vice president of Life Event Planning at Fidelity, told CNBC Make It. “Money can be an uncomfortable topic.”
Yes, you can ask random strangers on the internet for advice, but they don’t have the full picture as you do. Instead of running away from making an important decision, it’s probably best to stop treating Reddit like a Magic 8 Ball and sit down with your partner for a one-on-one instead.
When it comes to couples’ finances, there’s no one answer for everyone. As corny as it sounds, you have to find what works for you.
There were also some who thought that the couple were both being unreasonable
To help pave the road to better marital finances and relationships, experts at Investopedia put together some of the most common issues and challenges to look out for:
1. What’s Mine, Yours, Ours. Sometimes, when each spouse works and they can’t agree on financial nuances or find the time to talk about them, they decide to split the bills down the middle or allocate them in some other fair and equitable manner. When the bills have been covered, each spouse can spend what they have left as they want. It sounds like a reasonable plan, but it can build resentment over the individual purchases made. It also divides spending power, eliminating much of the financial value of marriage, as well as the ability to plan for long-term goals such as buying a home or securing retirement. Plus, it can lead to relationship-ruining behavior like financial infidelity, wherein one spouse hides money from the other.
Bill splitting also pushes down the road any planning and consensus-building about how financial burdens will be handled if one spouse loses a job; decides to cut back on hours or take a pay cut to try out a new career; leaves the workforce to raise children, go back to school, or care for a parent; or if there’s any other situation in which one partner may have to financially support the other. Couples owe it to themselves to have a conversation about such contingencies well before any of them happen.
2. Debt. From school and car loans to credit cards and even gambling habits, most people come to the altar with financial baggage. If one partner has more debt than the other—or if one partner is debt-free—the sparks can start to fly when discussions about income, spending, and debt servicing come up.
People in such situations may take some solace in knowing that debts brought into a marriage stay with the person who incurred them and are not extended to a spouse. It won’t hurt your credit rating, which is linked to Social Security numbers and tracked individually. That said, in most states (those that operate under what is called common law), debts incurred after marriage jointly are owed by both spouses.
Note that there are nine states in which all property (and debts) are shared after marriage regardless of individual or joint account status. They are Arizona, California, Nevada, Idaho, Washington, New Mexico, Texas, Louisiana, and Wisconsin. In these community-property states, you are not liable for most of your spouse’s debt that was incurred before marriage, but any debt incurred after the wedding is automatically shared—even when applied for individually.
3. Personality. Personality can play a big role in discussions and habits about money. Even if both partners are debt-free, the age-old conflict between spenders and savers can play out in multiple ways. It is important to know what your money personality is—as well as that of your partner—and to discuss these differences openly.
Briefly, some people are natural savers who may be viewed as cheapskates and risk-averse, some are big spenders and like to make a statement, and others take pleasure in shopping and buying. Others rack up debt—often mindlessly—while some are natural investors who delay satisfaction for future self-sufficiency. Many of us may display more than one of these characteristics at a given time, but will usually revert to one main type. Whichever profile you and your spouse most closely fit, it’s best to recognize bad habits, address them, and moderate them.
4. Power Plays. Power plays often occur in the following scenarios:
- One partner has a paid job and the other does not;
- Both partners would like to be working but one is unemployed;
- One spouse earns considerably more than the other;
- One partner comes from a family that has money and the other doesn’t.
When one or more of these situations is present, the money earner (or the one who makes or has the most money) often wants to dictate the couple’s spending priorities. Although there may be some rationale behind this idea, it is still important that both partners cooperate as a team. Keep in mind that while a joint account offers greater transparency and access, it is not in itself a solution to an unbalanced power/money dynamic in a marriage.
5. Children. To have or not to have? That’s usually the first question. Food, clothing, shelter, Little League, ballet, designer jeans, prom gowns, minivans, and college are all part of a long list of child-related expenses. These don’t include expenses for offspring who have already left the nest. That’s assuming your kids will leave the nest. Some never do.
Of course, having kids isn’t just about the cost. If one partner cuts their hours, works from home, or leaves a career to raise children, couples should address how that changes marriage dynamics, assumptions about retirement, lifestyle, and more.
6. Extended Family. Co-managing finances and respecting the goals, needs, and expectations each spouse has regarding their extended family can be especially tricky.
Take, for example, her mom—she wants a vacation in Vegas. His parents need a new car. Her brother can’t make the rent. His sister’s husband lost his job. Now one spouse is writing a check and the other wants to know why that money wasn’t used to address needs at home or fund a vacation for “us.” When a serious crisis arises—illness, a major storm, an unexpected death—the pressure can be magnified.
Family money dynamics work the other way, too. His mom will pay to fly him home for the holidays. Her mom will fund a new car because the one she’s driving is a Honda, not a Lexus. Her mom buys the grandkids extravagant gifts and his mom can’t afford to match that kind of spending. The joys of a family often extend right into your wallet (pardon the sarcasm).
Of course, it’s impossible for two people to agree on every single thing. But by talking to each other, they can at least set boundaries, compromise, and find a lesser evil than falling apart.
And a few who said that no one is to blame and it’s upto the couple to work things out
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NTA, and I seriously have no idea why everyone is saying YTA??? She inherited money from her grandfather passing. That money is hers, and has nothing to do with her boyfriend.. She’s paying her half of the rent. His half is his problem. Also a year is still a fairly new relationship, and they could absolutely break up. Then what if she gets into another year long relationship? Should she pay their half of the rent, too. She shouldn’t have even told him the full amount. Then again, now she knows that he feels entitled to her money!
I agree with you. They're not married, and their relationship is still new. I've had relationships that were 5 years long and ended badly. And I've helped out partners when I've had more money than they did, and I've always gotten screwed for it (never paid back). She has an opportunity to seriously improve her life and the lives of any children she might have in the future, which might not be with this partner. Also, the fact that he asked bothers me. What's next? "I need a new car. Let's go on this expensive vacation. I've always wanted a Rolex."
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Wow, bunch of money grubbers on the YTA bandwagon. If SHE decided to pay his bills/rent/whatever, that's one thing. If HE is pressuring her to do so, that's something entirely different. She's definetly NTA
Yeah they would be the type to say she's a gold digger if the roles were reversed.
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With that kind of money, I agree with another post from above; buy a home.
That actually depends on whether she wants to stay in one location or not. With the amount of money she inherited, she can easily afford to "travel the world", so to speak, if she invests wisely. One of the commentators was right, with just 4% return and never touching the main capital, she is guaranteed $160K/year for life, so she doesn't have to tie herself to a particular place unless she wants to.
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I think the people answering YTA or ESH would be surprised how fast that kind of money can disappear into the wind if you're not spending and investing wisely. I almost hope they win the lottery to teach them a lesson.
I think that is an unfair assessment. I think the real question is should OP and her boyfriend renegotiate their household financial responsibilities in light of a drastically changed situation. That is a reasonable request from the BF. Of course OP can decide her money for herself but yes it could absolutely been seen as selfish to not carry a little more of the load when in a position to do so in the relationship. As others have said if this was purely an income based discussion would it be appropriate for the BF to want proportional bills if he makes much less than her?
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Wow, even my friend who I rented with at one point paid more rent so we could live in a great place, and I took the less nice room as I was earning less. But when he was poor, I lent him money, and now he’s wealthy and I’ve fallen on hard times, he’s offered me a free holiday in his new holiday home. But I guess that’s why we’ve been friends for over twenty years.
I see what you’re saying and I agree to your way of thinking - but did your friend at any point DEMAND money from you, assuming himself entitled to your assets, calling you selfish if not meeting his demands? And there’s one more aspect to it - would you without hesitation have covered all costs for the foreseeable future when you had only known each other for one and a half years? I lift my long term, closer friends up economically too if the need arises - which it has at times - and in our gang of friends the unspoken rule has always been that those with the most money pays the way for those who are low on money when doing things together, even if it’s a permanent state of affairs. That’s the only way to be fair. But a boyfriend of one and a half years…? No. There are differences between the two scenarios - or there is to my mind.
Load More Replies... The guy shouldn’t want a free ride. But she could give him some financial relief if he actually needs it. Did I miss where she said he was struggling financially? Before her inheritance, was he making more than her while still making her pay half? I think we need more information.
Even if they were married... inheritance is not communal property. If they were to divorce, she'd get to keep whatever inheritance was squirreled away and not tied into the marriage home. So the fact that they're not even married at this point, it is 100% hers to do with as she pleases. She could work part time and live off that and never touch a cent of the inheritance - if that's what she wanted to do. Buying a home as an investment would be wise - or hell buy an apartment BUILDING and live in one unit and rent out the rest for income. She may choose to be gracious and allow him to live with her there. Or she could still charge him rent - WHATEVER SHE WANTED.
If she offered, OK. If he never mentioned it or altered a thing about their life together, OK. But him being the one to bring it up, then insisting, then getting all bent out of shape when she said no, is a red flag. I mean, it’s early days, so she hasn’t really had time to make her final plan for what to do with it. So his behavior makes it seem like, now that she’s rich, he wants to keep his cash cow—-we don’t know how he was feeling about her before. He could’ve been planning to break up with her, but the cash suddenly made him want to stay. And also, you never know, maybe at some later date she’d just go ahead and do it anyhow—-if he proved himself to be a straight up good guy. We really need more context to make a better judgement call, but based on the information we have, he is really showing his a*s by immediately jumping on ways to spend HER money that would benefit him. Another commenter mentioned that first it’s bills, then what next? A car? Expensive vacation? All the expensive gadgets he’s always dreamed of having? Good way to p**s away 4 million.
I thought the exact thing as that last - the “what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is also mine” train has a tendency to never stop - or even slow down.
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Your BF may not have seemed like a golddigger when there was no gold, but now that there is, suddenly there's a shovel in his hands. Have the "where is this relationship going" discussion with him WITHOUT talking about money. It's your separate property, but once you commingle it, that makes him entitled to a share. Also, talk to both a financial planner AND an estate planner to make sure that money is working for you and will be protected. As much as we hate to admit it, money changes things.
you are not a jerk. Your relative left that money to you. I live in a community property state. The law says that if you deposit the check in a commonly held joint account, half of the money now belongs to the other person. Rule: open a separate account & deposit it there. Keep the funds completely separate from then on. Keep documentation on all transactions. This goes for married people also. People come down from other states without this rule, deposit the money in the community account for a day, and then move it out to other investments. The money lost its separate character when it was deposited in a community joint account. If you divorce after that, they will take half the assests & money.
NTA and it's weird to even consider OP the a*****e here. BF calls her selfish, demands all expenses paid, and a joint account, etc. They aren't married. Who cares if this is a long term relationship and it's irrelevant whether she would eventually marry this person. Granted, if I were the BF I might feel some kind of way about things being 50/50 if my GF could easily afford it. But that would be something for me to come to terms with, not my GF. So weird
I think you should be living like you are making $100,000 a year. Then, count his salary as his contribution and split expenses proportionally. But this means you both have to live a lifestyle that allows him to save and make retirement contributions. Under no circumstances should he quit his job and become your dependent. Even if you marry him, make sure you have a prenup and don’t commingle your inheritance into matrimonial assets - you’ll need a lawyer for this.
Who the hell would feel entitled to another persons money?? They are not married! I think people think 4 million is a lot of money. Yes it is but not if you want to keep it for a lifetime and do things you want or if you have kids. If they were married I'd feel a little different bc there's a prenup that would protect both people.
All of the people saying YTA must be insane or stupid because there is absolutely no reason that she should have to share any of of HER money with her boyfriend. I think that she needs to dump him and buy herself a house.
NTA - even if they were married, there are a lot of reasons that couples continue to keep finances separate. Also, they have not been together all that long. A year and a half isn't long-term. If she wishes to help him out financially, that is her choice and absolutely okay. However, he is pressuring her to do so, which is a completely different situation.
NTA. They're not married, legally he's not entitled to anything. It is up to her and her alone what to do with the money. If they were married, the situation might be different. Plus the relationship is 1.5 years old. It's not like they've been together for a super long time.
So, there was a AITA from a young woman about her boyfriend who asked her to move in with him. And he wanted for 50:50. But he made a lot of money and she doesn't. Everybody here were - "Well, he makes a lot of money, let him pay everything". And now "It's her money, not his, he must pay his part". And if this is not a sexism...
Just him asking for a joint savings account is enough for me to say no to it all.
Load More Replies... You might cover the rent only if you want to, if not don't. DO NOT get a joint anything. He is definitely after your money with that request. Don't marry him now! If he hasn't put a ring on it by now, he didn't really want to. A man who is really in love will want to marry you regardless of how much you have in your bank account. If he keeps bugging you about it, move on. Find someone who loves you for you, not your bank account. However, it might be hard with your bank account. Take care of yourself, sister.
HELLZ, NAAH on paying for anything. Yeah, sure thing, "boyfriend" who suddenly thinks your money is his. Hire a financial advisor and a lawyer, immediately. Make every dollar of your inheritance yours and yours alone, and make sure it and you are legally protected in every way. Then cancel the lease on your apartment and buy a house. Boyfriend can stay in the apartment or pay you rent in your new house, if he likes. Your inheritance is YOURS. And no one. No boyfriend, no sport-effer, no rando is entitled to anything you don't award willingly. And your obligation to share it with anyone is zero. If anyone doesn't like it, they can take it up with your grandfather's corpse. "Joint account." The literal nerve.
NTA. You have no obligation to give him any money. It's your inheritance and you are not married.
I wish we knew how the joint account would be paid. Should they pay half each? Or is it just a way for him to get at her money? I once inherited what equals 150.000$ and asked my husband where he wanted to go for our holliday. He told med that he had always wanted to go to Schwitzerland, so I said lets do that. No he replied, and would't budge. Later I realised it was because it would have to be paid with my money. He always urged me to buy things I wanted, saying: You can afford it.
NTA He will NEVER be entitled to a dime of YOUR inherited money EVER! We, family, went through this and legally no spouse or anyone is entitled to it. Your relationship i m afraid is in deep dip. Find a really good reputable financial advisor immediately. Don’t delay…
He has no claims on her money and I most certainly would not set up a joint accout or fund, but why does she charge him rent and bills? Come one, that is just ungenerous.
Context and details matter. How did the conversations start? If it is an issue, are you both in it for the long term? It easily could be gold digging. But it also could be concern about building something together for the long term. How has it been up until now? Does he willingly and unthinkingly share everything? Basically, has his behavior been that you're a team together? Or is it always just two individuals that happen to live together? Is it always 50/50? If always split I'd be concerned. You need 2 plans. One for you. Another for the both of you as a couple. Does his past behavior prove he would share if situations were reversed? Not what is claimed now. How have things progressed previously? And before, were you planning on committing 100%? Money will normally just amplify the issues and divisions.
NTA. Even my husband and I agreed that any inherentence we may get from our personal parents is ours alone to decide what to do with. However we are both responsible, so neither of us is worried we'd squander it.
I can't say YTA for putting up firm boundaries about money that is very much legally her own. It is healthy to set financial boundaries. When reading this, my interpretation is that she isn't planning a future with him, therefore not seeing the money as 'ours'. If the guy is demanding she does something with HER money, that's just wrong. Demanding her to do something with her money that exclusively benefits him? He's the ahole.
NTA, but if it were me, I would def cover all my girlfriends stuff... that's just me.
I mean, i get supporting each other & all that but asking or expecting is a bit much on his end. Ive been married 15yrs. He makes more than me & has better credit (thank you Sallie Mae!) & we still try to do what we can to pay our bills & save. I dont (never have) expected him to pay my bills from before him & neither did he, even after we married. We recently purchased a house & its in his name, etc. Since i cant pay a mortgage, i cover the little things. Groceries, cable, things that come up for our kid, gas for my car, etc. We're looking into ways to add me to it but its more for the fact that he wanted to buy a house for all of us & if something were to happen to him, he wants to make sure we dont have a ton of hurdles to stay here. If he didnt agree w/ that, it would be his choice & im ok with that
NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA. It’s too bad op even told her boyfriend about the money. It’s not his money, he’s not entitled to it, and I hope she doesn’t let him pressure her into giving it to him. It sounds like the boyfriend isn’t going to accept her plans for her money so there’s a decision to be made
She's not wrong, she's just an a-hole. He's not entitled to her money, but imo what she's doing isn't right. She's just chilling at home, while he still busts his a*s working and she won't even cover rent or help save anything for their future. She's certainly lazy and not very bright. Paying rent when you have the funds to buy your own home without having to pay a mortgage is basically pissing your money away. And if she bought her own house she wouldn't be having this argument with her boyfriend, because neither of them would have to pay rent anymore. Then she should invest whatever is left into something sensible, so her money can work for her and multiply. She also shouldn't stop working, but find a job she likes or start her own business. 4 mil is really not that much if you plan on starting a family, it will drain out really fast.
Wow. That was one massive amount of far fetched assumptions based on absolutely nothing.
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There are issues not discussed here. In some States, these two ARE MARRIED By virtue of COMMON LAW. For all we know, the Common Law Husband (her BF) has legal claims on that money. I am assuming that is NOT the case but this is why people living together should have a contract defining what they are to each other and if you aren't engaged, for heaven's sake don't say a couple unless you want to have a divorce lawyer involved. If one of them needed health insurance and the other one was dumb enough to sign a "spousal equivalent" paper so they could be covered, then that too means they are the same as MARRIED. LIving together may seem cool but then somebody inherits money and THIS happens. Know the laws in your STATE before shacking up and if it is not a common law state, still be very careful about things you do to save money. Many websites have legal forms you can fill out to create a "living together" agreement or "Roommate" agreement
I didn't even have to read the post. The title says it all. NO, you are NTA. He's got a sense of entitlement and you should be wary of marrying anyone that things "what's yours is mine". I would also not recommend letting any future boyfriends know about the money. We retired early and a lot of people don't understand that. We just say "We have just enough to get by if we watch our money and don't go overboard on anything, like buying a nice car, etc.". I think it's a nice way of saying that I have just enough for me and none for you. Get your own. Once you get married, then tell them.
WHOOOAA,at the amount of entitled arrogant ppl telling her she should support him! No she doesnt have to,no matter how much money she has! Especially when he had the audacity to ask her! If she wanted to support him in any way,she would,but as man,demanding her to do it,thats gross :/ Op ,time for some time alone,get a new bf later ,never look back on this one. He will keep asking you for money and most probably leave you if he dont get what he wants.Also,the best idea for the future? dont talk about your inheritance :-)
Everyone that is saying she is the AH, do you not understand he just asked her to give him $7,200 a year plus put more money in a joint account? I'm going with NTA. Her BF didn't ask her to contribute more, he asked her to pay it all and that's unacceptable. He also wants her to contribute to a joint savings account which I also feel is absurd. Why should she take any of her money and put it in an account with his name on it? He is asking for a free ride. They say a person's true colors can come out when money is involved and her BF is proving that true. I wonder what he was planning to do with that $7,200 a year he wouldn't need to spend anymore and his access to her money in that joint account. In almost every state an inheritance is NOT a joint marital asset regardless of whether it happened before or during the marriage and is not subject to division in a divorce. The exception is joint accounts and equity increases.
YNTA, stop wasting money on rent and invest in a condo. Your BF needs to keep paying his share of rent/utilities etc. When I got divorced my ex tried to go for my inheritance, he lost his claim.
If you are paying half already, YANTA, He just wants you to support him. Buy a house for yourself. I came into some inheritance, which surprised me, but my husband never asked for a cent. I do buy things for him sometimes, but not because he asked. We are building a new home and he is paying mostly everything for that, as well as doing most of the work himself. I tell him that I will buy or pay for something for the house. Sometimes he will let me.
I'm married and we share a bank account - BUT any extra money that doesn't come from the normal day jobs we have, is our own. For instance - I now work 2 jobs that totals more than 3 times what my husband earns. I choose to pay off the family debts with the extra money, but if I said I was going to spend it all, then the husband would be cool with that. But we have been married for over 30 years and our lifestyle is different from the OP. We don't know what their relationship is like, and to be honest, she might already be thinking about moving on and some people change when there is money involved.
It looks like they haven't been together terribly long, and they certainly have lived together for less time. Even though she is living frugally, she likely has spent more money than she normally would have since the inheritance. And bf has enjoyed a lot of what she has spent the money on. Birthday present and Xmas presents are much nicer, now. And a housekeeper coming in twice a week. I wonder if the hesitation at paying more based on her higher financial resources is based on her feelings regarding the seriousness of their relationship. She said as much by clearly stating they are not married. When one of a couple pays more proportionally for shared expenses, they feel it to be an investment in the relationship. Bf actually worried her more by requesting that he invest less in their relationship. This is a life altering event to suddenly be given so much wealth all at once. Bf should be wary of pressuring her financially right now.
Money changes everyone. Its needed and evil at the same time. I'd be very careful marrying or even continuing your relationship
Think this is a hard one .. in my relationship I'm the one with lesser money. He's a contractor in family business and currently building his own house. We've been seeing each other for 2 years and been a couple for 1,5years. He insists on me coming along when choosing kitchen/bathroom and basically every decision down to where to put the lights etc. I already told him that if we get married I want a prenup so that his money and business stays his. I didn't work for it, I have no right to it. Not that I think would want it if we were to break up but I want him to be safe. When it comes to financials he pays more than I do. According to our income. Percentage wise we give about the same. When I sell my appartement the money will be mine but I will use it in our home. Bedsheets, pots and pans those kind of things I guess 🤷🏻♀️ to help out how I can. It will be less than he does but plenty for me. It mainly seems to me that she's not sure enough about her relationship and I do think its a bit weird to keep renting when you have 4m in the bank 🙃
If i was with a partner , co-habiting, for a year and a half. They got 4 million and quit working, hired a housekeeper, and still said they wanted to split 50/50? I'd leave. This person doesn't consider you a real partner. They have no interest in your well being or building a future together.
You are definitely NTA. If you break up will he ever pay you back? If I were in that situation I would get my own studio and see of he still wants to date you. If not, let him go.
I won $21,000, before taxes. I worked for 30 years in a part-time job I retired from when I didn't have to pay my insurance ($800+/- a month) anymore. My husband always told me whatever I made was my money, but it went into "our" account. When I got the payout, I got my own checking account so I could see where "my" money was going. "My" money goes to helping out our daughters (one is a financial drain, but that's another story) and little splurges every once in awhile. I gave him $5000 of it for taxes - and it was gone before we filed. My share was substantially less, so I took it back out of "our" account. He said it was okay, that it was "my" money, but he forgets that for 30 years, it was our money he was spending on his toys. Retired now, he spends around $2000 a month on toys, comics and takeout. Says his investments will carry us through. These are some of them. comics-628...5b0f8e.jpg 
DONT MAKE A JOINT ACCOUNT. That money is not his will never be his has never been his. This is a new relationship and he is expecting you to pay all the rent? You are paying to get the house cleaned. You are paying your half he should pay his. NTA he isn’t entitled to the things you inherit. That would be sort of like saying that if you inherited a ring from someone you should sell it and split the money. Or not sell it and give him it. He just wants the money NOW. Not saying that he went into it for the money but he’ll stay in it for the money. 4 million is good enough to set you for life but not if you’re paying for that cleaning and all the rent and the food and eventually everything else because “you can afford it” that guy wants you to make a joint account so he can use that money then buy things he wants. Tell him you didn’t have a joint account before you don’t need one now. Also I have a funny feeling that the rent money would disappear from that account…..
Definitely NTA when you think about it she isn't entitled to give him anything whatsoever. They may have been together for 18 months but they could have just moved in together recently. I do think she should talk to a lawyer ASAP because she's going to need their advice who knows who will be coming out of the woodwork when (or if) it gets out. Money changes people and this guy could take advantage of her I would seriously consider buying a place and have only her name on the mortgage.
No, no, no,no,no,no. A year and a half? 18 months? He ain't entitled to a plug-ged nickel. Even if you were married and didn't feel like you were going to spend your futures together, that conversation should be 'My money is not your money, honey. Sorry.' I don't know where the rest of the people are conjuring up this expectation that she should share the wealth with this guy. She shouldn't even be sharing an apartment with the guy. 18 months isn't enough time to share a toothbrush without hesitation and trauma much less 4 Million dollars.
Back in the day when my ex and I moved in together, I made more money than him so I paid a larger share of our expenses. We kept finances separate and it didn't seem fair that I would have much more left over if he was just scraping by. It worked for us. (the finances did even if the relationship didn't). I don't think he shouldn't have to pay for anything but it should be a little more fair.
Hey bored Panda I have a question for you...Why do you find postings from 2 years ago and post them. It is completely irrelevant now. You only drudge up s**t from the past for these people. Good god, leave the dead buried. Go find more recent stuff to post. You know it's out there.
It's not my money, but if I were in her shoes; I'd invest, get a PT job, and pay closer to 60% of the rent, as my income can afford that. If you're with him that long, and disnt even think about including him in your plans for the money, maybe you're not in the mental headspace for a relationship. Asides from that, I see this as no one is the a*****e here, just a shitty situation you both have to talk through. Edit; I dont think that BF is entitled to the money at all, however, if hes not pressuring to use it, I'd consider making his life easier, because of the significance of the relationship. If hes pressuring to use the money though, that's a diff story
You could tell him you didn't take him to raise. Because you're rich doesn't mean you're responsible for his bills.
I’m gonna dissent here, but please don’t downvote me until you read further. I work & I make good money. It keeps me long-haul traveling 10 days of the month, but love it.I also had two sizable inheritances. One on par with OP, the other a modified HEMS easily covering expenses. When I met my now-husband he was pre-med & working his āss off while piling on student loans & debt. His housemate left abruptly & although I was primarily living 3000 miles away, I offered to move in after only 2 months. Yes, I had an easy escape if it didn’t work with us. I did it so my trust would cover the entire rent, pay the bills & he could focus on learning. 15 years later, we’re married w/an 8yo and pretty much set. If OP invested, the least her yearly interest pay-out would be is around $100k. And she’d still have the 4m. This isn’t about entitlement, but lifting people up & using charity in a way that’s mutually beneficial. Because I invested in my bf, I now have a husband who earns more than me.
It's nice you felt comfortable enough to do that at the time. There should t be pressure to. I'm guessing that OP is fairly young (given the interesting decision to not work at all and expect the money to last her lifetime) so relationships should move much slower. Again, great that you did that, but no one should be pressured to. I'd feel very uncomfortable particularly if my boyfriend asked and made it seem like it's nothing, even asking for a joint savings account. He's asking too much and doesn't seem like he would be grateful for it even.
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He’s not entitled to it and they’re not married so I can see why she’s NTA. However, quitting your job and hiring a housekeeper so you can be a professional couch potato right in front of him makes YTA. If you had no intention of sharing it, then why make it known to him that you have it? I wouldn’t be pissed if my SO came into some money, but I’d be pissed if they rubbed it in my face like that.
nta. and...RUN! this guy sounds like he found the golden goose and wants to squeeze the bird. as for her...sure, take a year off but also invest and look for a job that you love. taking time off is great to rest, recharge, pursue interests, etc. but as someone who no longer works it gets boring. would love to go back to work. it was nice in the beginning but gets pretty bland unless you plan to pack that year with life adventures.
So because he wasn't lucky enough to have a random windfall like her, he's an ahole for thinking that with her $4M she could spend probably ~$1K a month to spread her luck to the bf she has chosen to live with? It's not black-and-white, but I know that if I was choosing to live with a bf, and I randomly practically won the lottery, and I was able to quit my job, but my bf was still working, I would not think it outlandish that he would hope that I would spread that to him a bit. She could quit her job and make it so the household chores are done, so really she has nothing she *has* to do, but he still has to go to work and pay like everything was the way it was before her windfall? It just seems very unfair. If she had like earned the money of her own accord and didn't choose to share, I could see her being NTA, but where you're given a huge windfall, you can completely change your lifestyle, and the person you supposedly love just has to go on as normal, it sounds kind of selfish. Yes, she should stop renting. And, if I were him, I'd break up with her. Their lifestyle has massively changed, and she's showing that she wouldn't be a true partner in a relationship
Read your own words: If "you" randomly won the lottery, "you'd" do whatever. Exactly. You. Not your boyfriend telling you -- lottery winner -- what he expects you to do with your money. This girl's soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend is. He's volunteering how she should be paying for his sh and acting like it's "their" expenses. Noooope.
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Even if you were married he still isn't entitled to it and if after a year and a half he has that state of mind then you should rethink the relationship.
If after an year and a half she’s not thinking long term and acting like a partnership she needs to stop stringing him along and leave. She sees this relationship in a transactional way. I imagine she’d think differently if the shoe was on the other foot.
Load More Replies... I think YTA. It would not be hard to pay for rent, but I do not think that you should put the money in a joint savings account. Rent is an immediate need, but if you don't see a future with him, you shouldn't open that savings account.
If I were him I would take my leave of her. If she explained that she had plans to invest it that’s one thing. But if she’s flaunting her Wealth and acting like Paris Hilton she’s too immature to have a relationship with a grownup man. Apparently, she can’t help him get caught up on bills or put aside some savings by paying a greater share. If she’s worried he’ll quit his job she needs to tell him that she’s not going to support him and that’s a dealbreaker. Who wouldn’t want to give a bit more? What kind of person is she showing herself to be? Seems like a greedy one.
NTA. I do question her referring to the 1.5-year relationship as "dating" when they are actually living together! The BF is absolutely an AH for jumping right up and essentially saying she should pay ALL their living expenses! A joint savings account using her money! That wreaks of entitlement. I'd want more info such as, why were they living together? Was it because neither could afford their own place? I could see offering to contribute more. Maybe 60/40 instead of 50/50 but that's it. However, that's not what her gold-digging BF wants. He wants a FREE ride. If she was going to pay all living expenses then she should get her own place without him and not invite him in either.
Of course, man! My grampy clearly stated that you should inherit at least… Well, he at least made it very clear that you should also benefit from… No wait. He didn’t. One and a half year worth of relationship? No. An inheritance is a finite amount - unless placed very wisely and you need some serious know-how to do that - and will run out at some point in the end. You paying for extras you both want and he can’t afford very well; sure. Money is just money compared to fun with someone you like - but this ain’t it. If married and committed long time, sure - but even then I’d make sure I take my inheritance with me if the marriage ends. Your grandfather did not leave the money to your boyfriend. He did not leave the money to the both of you. He left it to YOU. Honour his wishes, friend. What your boyfriend is saying sounds like either the logic of a teenager, or greed. None of those are good. Ok, I realize the chance of OP reading this is basically zero, but what the heck…
Grandpa is the AH for dumping a life-changing amount of cash on someone who doesn't appear to have been prepared to manage it. The folks saying to invest it and live off the investment income are the smart ones. Grandpa could have set something up for her, instead of taking a gamble that he wouldn't kick the bucket when she was perhaps in a position like a soon-to-end marriage that would have immediately lost her $2million.
NTA, and I seriously have no idea why everyone is saying YTA??? She inherited money from her grandfather passing. That money is hers, and has nothing to do with her boyfriend.. She’s paying her half of the rent. His half is his problem. Also a year is still a fairly new relationship, and they could absolutely break up. Then what if she gets into another year long relationship? Should she pay their half of the rent, too. She shouldn’t have even told him the full amount. Then again, now she knows that he feels entitled to her money!
I agree with you. They're not married, and their relationship is still new. I've had relationships that were 5 years long and ended badly. And I've helped out partners when I've had more money than they did, and I've always gotten screwed for it (never paid back). She has an opportunity to seriously improve her life and the lives of any children she might have in the future, which might not be with this partner. Also, the fact that he asked bothers me. What's next? "I need a new car. Let's go on this expensive vacation. I've always wanted a Rolex."
Load More Replies... Wow, bunch of money grubbers on the YTA bandwagon. If SHE decided to pay his bills/rent/whatever, that's one thing. If HE is pressuring her to do so, that's something entirely different. She's definetly NTA
Yeah they would be the type to say she's a gold digger if the roles were reversed.
Load More Replies... With that kind of money, I agree with another post from above; buy a home.
That actually depends on whether she wants to stay in one location or not. With the amount of money she inherited, she can easily afford to "travel the world", so to speak, if she invests wisely. One of the commentators was right, with just 4% return and never touching the main capital, she is guaranteed $160K/year for life, so she doesn't have to tie herself to a particular place unless she wants to.
Load More Replies... I think the people answering YTA or ESH would be surprised how fast that kind of money can disappear into the wind if you're not spending and investing wisely. I almost hope they win the lottery to teach them a lesson.
I think that is an unfair assessment. I think the real question is should OP and her boyfriend renegotiate their household financial responsibilities in light of a drastically changed situation. That is a reasonable request from the BF. Of course OP can decide her money for herself but yes it could absolutely been seen as selfish to not carry a little more of the load when in a position to do so in the relationship. As others have said if this was purely an income based discussion would it be appropriate for the BF to want proportional bills if he makes much less than her?
Load More Replies... Wow, even my friend who I rented with at one point paid more rent so we could live in a great place, and I took the less nice room as I was earning less. But when he was poor, I lent him money, and now he’s wealthy and I’ve fallen on hard times, he’s offered me a free holiday in his new holiday home. But I guess that’s why we’ve been friends for over twenty years.
I see what you’re saying and I agree to your way of thinking - but did your friend at any point DEMAND money from you, assuming himself entitled to your assets, calling you selfish if not meeting his demands? And there’s one more aspect to it - would you without hesitation have covered all costs for the foreseeable future when you had only known each other for one and a half years? I lift my long term, closer friends up economically too if the need arises - which it has at times - and in our gang of friends the unspoken rule has always been that those with the most money pays the way for those who are low on money when doing things together, even if it’s a permanent state of affairs. That’s the only way to be fair. But a boyfriend of one and a half years…? No. There are differences between the two scenarios - or there is to my mind.
Load More Replies... The guy shouldn’t want a free ride. But she could give him some financial relief if he actually needs it. Did I miss where she said he was struggling financially? Before her inheritance, was he making more than her while still making her pay half? I think we need more information.
Even if they were married... inheritance is not communal property. If they were to divorce, she'd get to keep whatever inheritance was squirreled away and not tied into the marriage home. So the fact that they're not even married at this point, it is 100% hers to do with as she pleases. She could work part time and live off that and never touch a cent of the inheritance - if that's what she wanted to do. Buying a home as an investment would be wise - or hell buy an apartment BUILDING and live in one unit and rent out the rest for income. She may choose to be gracious and allow him to live with her there. Or she could still charge him rent - WHATEVER SHE WANTED.
If she offered, OK. If he never mentioned it or altered a thing about their life together, OK. But him being the one to bring it up, then insisting, then getting all bent out of shape when she said no, is a red flag. I mean, it’s early days, so she hasn’t really had time to make her final plan for what to do with it. So his behavior makes it seem like, now that she’s rich, he wants to keep his cash cow—-we don’t know how he was feeling about her before. He could’ve been planning to break up with her, but the cash suddenly made him want to stay. And also, you never know, maybe at some later date she’d just go ahead and do it anyhow—-if he proved himself to be a straight up good guy. We really need more context to make a better judgement call, but based on the information we have, he is really showing his a*s by immediately jumping on ways to spend HER money that would benefit him. Another commenter mentioned that first it’s bills, then what next? A car? Expensive vacation? All the expensive gadgets he’s always dreamed of having? Good way to p**s away 4 million.
I thought the exact thing as that last - the “what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is also mine” train has a tendency to never stop - or even slow down.
Load More Replies... Your BF may not have seemed like a golddigger when there was no gold, but now that there is, suddenly there's a shovel in his hands. Have the "where is this relationship going" discussion with him WITHOUT talking about money. It's your separate property, but once you commingle it, that makes him entitled to a share. Also, talk to both a financial planner AND an estate planner to make sure that money is working for you and will be protected. As much as we hate to admit it, money changes things.
you are not a jerk. Your relative left that money to you. I live in a community property state. The law says that if you deposit the check in a commonly held joint account, half of the money now belongs to the other person. Rule: open a separate account & deposit it there. Keep the funds completely separate from then on. Keep documentation on all transactions. This goes for married people also. People come down from other states without this rule, deposit the money in the community account for a day, and then move it out to other investments. The money lost its separate character when it was deposited in a community joint account. If you divorce after that, they will take half the assests & money.
NTA and it's weird to even consider OP the a*****e here. BF calls her selfish, demands all expenses paid, and a joint account, etc. They aren't married. Who cares if this is a long term relationship and it's irrelevant whether she would eventually marry this person. Granted, if I were the BF I might feel some kind of way about things being 50/50 if my GF could easily afford it. But that would be something for me to come to terms with, not my GF. So weird
I think you should be living like you are making $100,000 a year. Then, count his salary as his contribution and split expenses proportionally. But this means you both have to live a lifestyle that allows him to save and make retirement contributions. Under no circumstances should he quit his job and become your dependent. Even if you marry him, make sure you have a prenup and don’t commingle your inheritance into matrimonial assets - you’ll need a lawyer for this.
Who the hell would feel entitled to another persons money?? They are not married! I think people think 4 million is a lot of money. Yes it is but not if you want to keep it for a lifetime and do things you want or if you have kids. If they were married I'd feel a little different bc there's a prenup that would protect both people.
All of the people saying YTA must be insane or stupid because there is absolutely no reason that she should have to share any of of HER money with her boyfriend. I think that she needs to dump him and buy herself a house.
NTA - even if they were married, there are a lot of reasons that couples continue to keep finances separate. Also, they have not been together all that long. A year and a half isn't long-term. If she wishes to help him out financially, that is her choice and absolutely okay. However, he is pressuring her to do so, which is a completely different situation.
NTA. They're not married, legally he's not entitled to anything. It is up to her and her alone what to do with the money. If they were married, the situation might be different. Plus the relationship is 1.5 years old. It's not like they've been together for a super long time.
So, there was a AITA from a young woman about her boyfriend who asked her to move in with him. And he wanted for 50:50. But he made a lot of money and she doesn't. Everybody here were - "Well, he makes a lot of money, let him pay everything". And now "It's her money, not his, he must pay his part". And if this is not a sexism...
Just him asking for a joint savings account is enough for me to say no to it all.
Load More Replies... You might cover the rent only if you want to, if not don't. DO NOT get a joint anything. He is definitely after your money with that request. Don't marry him now! If he hasn't put a ring on it by now, he didn't really want to. A man who is really in love will want to marry you regardless of how much you have in your bank account. If he keeps bugging you about it, move on. Find someone who loves you for you, not your bank account. However, it might be hard with your bank account. Take care of yourself, sister.
HELLZ, NAAH on paying for anything. Yeah, sure thing, "boyfriend" who suddenly thinks your money is his. Hire a financial advisor and a lawyer, immediately. Make every dollar of your inheritance yours and yours alone, and make sure it and you are legally protected in every way. Then cancel the lease on your apartment and buy a house. Boyfriend can stay in the apartment or pay you rent in your new house, if he likes. Your inheritance is YOURS. And no one. No boyfriend, no sport-effer, no rando is entitled to anything you don't award willingly. And your obligation to share it with anyone is zero. If anyone doesn't like it, they can take it up with your grandfather's corpse. "Joint account." The literal nerve.
NTA. You have no obligation to give him any money. It's your inheritance and you are not married.
I wish we knew how the joint account would be paid. Should they pay half each? Or is it just a way for him to get at her money? I once inherited what equals 150.000$ and asked my husband where he wanted to go for our holliday. He told med that he had always wanted to go to Schwitzerland, so I said lets do that. No he replied, and would't budge. Later I realised it was because it would have to be paid with my money. He always urged me to buy things I wanted, saying: You can afford it.
NTA He will NEVER be entitled to a dime of YOUR inherited money EVER! We, family, went through this and legally no spouse or anyone is entitled to it. Your relationship i m afraid is in deep dip. Find a really good reputable financial advisor immediately. Don’t delay…
He has no claims on her money and I most certainly would not set up a joint accout or fund, but why does she charge him rent and bills? Come one, that is just ungenerous.
Context and details matter. How did the conversations start? If it is an issue, are you both in it for the long term? It easily could be gold digging. But it also could be concern about building something together for the long term. How has it been up until now? Does he willingly and unthinkingly share everything? Basically, has his behavior been that you're a team together? Or is it always just two individuals that happen to live together? Is it always 50/50? If always split I'd be concerned. You need 2 plans. One for you. Another for the both of you as a couple. Does his past behavior prove he would share if situations were reversed? Not what is claimed now. How have things progressed previously? And before, were you planning on committing 100%? Money will normally just amplify the issues and divisions.
NTA. Even my husband and I agreed that any inherentence we may get from our personal parents is ours alone to decide what to do with. However we are both responsible, so neither of us is worried we'd squander it.
I can't say YTA for putting up firm boundaries about money that is very much legally her own. It is healthy to set financial boundaries. When reading this, my interpretation is that she isn't planning a future with him, therefore not seeing the money as 'ours'. If the guy is demanding she does something with HER money, that's just wrong. Demanding her to do something with her money that exclusively benefits him? He's the ahole.
NTA, but if it were me, I would def cover all my girlfriends stuff... that's just me.
I mean, i get supporting each other & all that but asking or expecting is a bit much on his end. Ive been married 15yrs. He makes more than me & has better credit (thank you Sallie Mae!) & we still try to do what we can to pay our bills & save. I dont (never have) expected him to pay my bills from before him & neither did he, even after we married. We recently purchased a house & its in his name, etc. Since i cant pay a mortgage, i cover the little things. Groceries, cable, things that come up for our kid, gas for my car, etc. We're looking into ways to add me to it but its more for the fact that he wanted to buy a house for all of us & if something were to happen to him, he wants to make sure we dont have a ton of hurdles to stay here. If he didnt agree w/ that, it would be his choice & im ok with that
NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA. It’s too bad op even told her boyfriend about the money. It’s not his money, he’s not entitled to it, and I hope she doesn’t let him pressure her into giving it to him. It sounds like the boyfriend isn’t going to accept her plans for her money so there’s a decision to be made
She's not wrong, she's just an a-hole. He's not entitled to her money, but imo what she's doing isn't right. She's just chilling at home, while he still busts his a*s working and she won't even cover rent or help save anything for their future. She's certainly lazy and not very bright. Paying rent when you have the funds to buy your own home without having to pay a mortgage is basically pissing your money away. And if she bought her own house she wouldn't be having this argument with her boyfriend, because neither of them would have to pay rent anymore. Then she should invest whatever is left into something sensible, so her money can work for her and multiply. She also shouldn't stop working, but find a job she likes or start her own business. 4 mil is really not that much if you plan on starting a family, it will drain out really fast.
Wow. That was one massive amount of far fetched assumptions based on absolutely nothing.
Load More Replies... There are issues not discussed here. In some States, these two ARE MARRIED By virtue of COMMON LAW. For all we know, the Common Law Husband (her BF) has legal claims on that money. I am assuming that is NOT the case but this is why people living together should have a contract defining what they are to each other and if you aren't engaged, for heaven's sake don't say a couple unless you want to have a divorce lawyer involved. If one of them needed health insurance and the other one was dumb enough to sign a "spousal equivalent" paper so they could be covered, then that too means they are the same as MARRIED. LIving together may seem cool but then somebody inherits money and THIS happens. Know the laws in your STATE before shacking up and if it is not a common law state, still be very careful about things you do to save money. Many websites have legal forms you can fill out to create a "living together" agreement or "Roommate" agreement
I didn't even have to read the post. The title says it all. NO, you are NTA. He's got a sense of entitlement and you should be wary of marrying anyone that things "what's yours is mine". I would also not recommend letting any future boyfriends know about the money. We retired early and a lot of people don't understand that. We just say "We have just enough to get by if we watch our money and don't go overboard on anything, like buying a nice car, etc.". I think it's a nice way of saying that I have just enough for me and none for you. Get your own. Once you get married, then tell them.
WHOOOAA,at the amount of entitled arrogant ppl telling her she should support him! No she doesnt have to,no matter how much money she has! Especially when he had the audacity to ask her! If she wanted to support him in any way,she would,but as man,demanding her to do it,thats gross :/ Op ,time for some time alone,get a new bf later ,never look back on this one. He will keep asking you for money and most probably leave you if he dont get what he wants.Also,the best idea for the future? dont talk about your inheritance :-)
Everyone that is saying she is the AH, do you not understand he just asked her to give him $7,200 a year plus put more money in a joint account? I'm going with NTA. Her BF didn't ask her to contribute more, he asked her to pay it all and that's unacceptable. He also wants her to contribute to a joint savings account which I also feel is absurd. Why should she take any of her money and put it in an account with his name on it? He is asking for a free ride. They say a person's true colors can come out when money is involved and her BF is proving that true. I wonder what he was planning to do with that $7,200 a year he wouldn't need to spend anymore and his access to her money in that joint account. In almost every state an inheritance is NOT a joint marital asset regardless of whether it happened before or during the marriage and is not subject to division in a divorce. The exception is joint accounts and equity increases.
YNTA, stop wasting money on rent and invest in a condo. Your BF needs to keep paying his share of rent/utilities etc. When I got divorced my ex tried to go for my inheritance, he lost his claim.
If you are paying half already, YANTA, He just wants you to support him. Buy a house for yourself. I came into some inheritance, which surprised me, but my husband never asked for a cent. I do buy things for him sometimes, but not because he asked. We are building a new home and he is paying mostly everything for that, as well as doing most of the work himself. I tell him that I will buy or pay for something for the house. Sometimes he will let me.
I'm married and we share a bank account - BUT any extra money that doesn't come from the normal day jobs we have, is our own. For instance - I now work 2 jobs that totals more than 3 times what my husband earns. I choose to pay off the family debts with the extra money, but if I said I was going to spend it all, then the husband would be cool with that. But we have been married for over 30 years and our lifestyle is different from the OP. We don't know what their relationship is like, and to be honest, she might already be thinking about moving on and some people change when there is money involved.
It looks like they haven't been together terribly long, and they certainly have lived together for less time. Even though she is living frugally, she likely has spent more money than she normally would have since the inheritance. And bf has enjoyed a lot of what she has spent the money on. Birthday present and Xmas presents are much nicer, now. And a housekeeper coming in twice a week. I wonder if the hesitation at paying more based on her higher financial resources is based on her feelings regarding the seriousness of their relationship. She said as much by clearly stating they are not married. When one of a couple pays more proportionally for shared expenses, they feel it to be an investment in the relationship. Bf actually worried her more by requesting that he invest less in their relationship. This is a life altering event to suddenly be given so much wealth all at once. Bf should be wary of pressuring her financially right now.
Money changes everyone. Its needed and evil at the same time. I'd be very careful marrying or even continuing your relationship
Think this is a hard one .. in my relationship I'm the one with lesser money. He's a contractor in family business and currently building his own house. We've been seeing each other for 2 years and been a couple for 1,5years. He insists on me coming along when choosing kitchen/bathroom and basically every decision down to where to put the lights etc. I already told him that if we get married I want a prenup so that his money and business stays his. I didn't work for it, I have no right to it. Not that I think would want it if we were to break up but I want him to be safe. When it comes to financials he pays more than I do. According to our income. Percentage wise we give about the same. When I sell my appartement the money will be mine but I will use it in our home. Bedsheets, pots and pans those kind of things I guess 🤷🏻♀️ to help out how I can. It will be less than he does but plenty for me. It mainly seems to me that she's not sure enough about her relationship and I do think its a bit weird to keep renting when you have 4m in the bank 🙃
If i was with a partner , co-habiting, for a year and a half. They got 4 million and quit working, hired a housekeeper, and still said they wanted to split 50/50? I'd leave. This person doesn't consider you a real partner. They have no interest in your well being or building a future together.
You are definitely NTA. If you break up will he ever pay you back? If I were in that situation I would get my own studio and see of he still wants to date you. If not, let him go.
I won $21,000, before taxes. I worked for 30 years in a part-time job I retired from when I didn't have to pay my insurance ($800+/- a month) anymore. My husband always told me whatever I made was my money, but it went into "our" account. When I got the payout, I got my own checking account so I could see where "my" money was going. "My" money goes to helping out our daughters (one is a financial drain, but that's another story) and little splurges every once in awhile. I gave him $5000 of it for taxes - and it was gone before we filed. My share was substantially less, so I took it back out of "our" account. He said it was okay, that it was "my" money, but he forgets that for 30 years, it was our money he was spending on his toys. Retired now, he spends around $2000 a month on toys, comics and takeout. Says his investments will carry us through. These are some of them. comics-628...5b0f8e.jpg
DONT MAKE A JOINT ACCOUNT. That money is not his will never be his has never been his. This is a new relationship and he is expecting you to pay all the rent? You are paying to get the house cleaned. You are paying your half he should pay his. NTA he isn’t entitled to the things you inherit. That would be sort of like saying that if you inherited a ring from someone you should sell it and split the money. Or not sell it and give him it. He just wants the money NOW. Not saying that he went into it for the money but he’ll stay in it for the money. 4 million is good enough to set you for life but not if you’re paying for that cleaning and all the rent and the food and eventually everything else because “you can afford it” that guy wants you to make a joint account so he can use that money then buy things he wants. Tell him you didn’t have a joint account before you don’t need one now. Also I have a funny feeling that the rent money would disappear from that account…..
Definitely NTA when you think about it she isn't entitled to give him anything whatsoever. They may have been together for 18 months but they could have just moved in together recently. I do think she should talk to a lawyer ASAP because she's going to need their advice who knows who will be coming out of the woodwork when (or if) it gets out. Money changes people and this guy could take advantage of her I would seriously consider buying a place and have only her name on the mortgage.
No, no, no,no,no,no. A year and a half? 18 months? He ain't entitled to a plug-ged nickel. Even if you were married and didn't feel like you were going to spend your futures together, that conversation should be 'My money is not your money, honey. Sorry.' I don't know where the rest of the people are conjuring up this expectation that she should share the wealth with this guy. She shouldn't even be sharing an apartment with the guy. 18 months isn't enough time to share a toothbrush without hesitation and trauma much less 4 Million dollars.
Back in the day when my ex and I moved in together, I made more money than him so I paid a larger share of our expenses. We kept finances separate and it didn't seem fair that I would have much more left over if he was just scraping by. It worked for us. (the finances did even if the relationship didn't). I don't think he shouldn't have to pay for anything but it should be a little more fair.
Hey bored Panda I have a question for you...Why do you find postings from 2 years ago and post them. It is completely irrelevant now. You only drudge up s**t from the past for these people. Good god, leave the dead buried. Go find more recent stuff to post. You know it's out there.
It's not my money, but if I were in her shoes; I'd invest, get a PT job, and pay closer to 60% of the rent, as my income can afford that. If you're with him that long, and disnt even think about including him in your plans for the money, maybe you're not in the mental headspace for a relationship. Asides from that, I see this as no one is the a*****e here, just a shitty situation you both have to talk through. Edit; I dont think that BF is entitled to the money at all, however, if hes not pressuring to use it, I'd consider making his life easier, because of the significance of the relationship. If hes pressuring to use the money though, that's a diff story
You could tell him you didn't take him to raise. Because you're rich doesn't mean you're responsible for his bills.
I’m gonna dissent here, but please don’t downvote me until you read further. I work & I make good money. It keeps me long-haul traveling 10 days of the month, but love it.I also had two sizable inheritances. One on par with OP, the other a modified HEMS easily covering expenses. When I met my now-husband he was pre-med & working his āss off while piling on student loans & debt. His housemate left abruptly & although I was primarily living 3000 miles away, I offered to move in after only 2 months. Yes, I had an easy escape if it didn’t work with us. I did it so my trust would cover the entire rent, pay the bills & he could focus on learning. 15 years later, we’re married w/an 8yo and pretty much set. If OP invested, the least her yearly interest pay-out would be is around $100k. And she’d still have the 4m. This isn’t about entitlement, but lifting people up & using charity in a way that’s mutually beneficial. Because I invested in my bf, I now have a husband who earns more than me.
It's nice you felt comfortable enough to do that at the time. There should t be pressure to. I'm guessing that OP is fairly young (given the interesting decision to not work at all and expect the money to last her lifetime) so relationships should move much slower. Again, great that you did that, but no one should be pressured to. I'd feel very uncomfortable particularly if my boyfriend asked and made it seem like it's nothing, even asking for a joint savings account. He's asking too much and doesn't seem like he would be grateful for it even.
Load More Replies... He’s not entitled to it and they’re not married so I can see why she’s NTA. However, quitting your job and hiring a housekeeper so you can be a professional couch potato right in front of him makes YTA. If you had no intention of sharing it, then why make it known to him that you have it? I wouldn’t be pissed if my SO came into some money, but I’d be pissed if they rubbed it in my face like that.
nta. and...RUN! this guy sounds like he found the golden goose and wants to squeeze the bird. as for her...sure, take a year off but also invest and look for a job that you love. taking time off is great to rest, recharge, pursue interests, etc. but as someone who no longer works it gets boring. would love to go back to work. it was nice in the beginning but gets pretty bland unless you plan to pack that year with life adventures.
So because he wasn't lucky enough to have a random windfall like her, he's an ahole for thinking that with her $4M she could spend probably ~$1K a month to spread her luck to the bf she has chosen to live with? It's not black-and-white, but I know that if I was choosing to live with a bf, and I randomly practically won the lottery, and I was able to quit my job, but my bf was still working, I would not think it outlandish that he would hope that I would spread that to him a bit. She could quit her job and make it so the household chores are done, so really she has nothing she *has* to do, but he still has to go to work and pay like everything was the way it was before her windfall? It just seems very unfair. If she had like earned the money of her own accord and didn't choose to share, I could see her being NTA, but where you're given a huge windfall, you can completely change your lifestyle, and the person you supposedly love just has to go on as normal, it sounds kind of selfish. Yes, she should stop renting. And, if I were him, I'd break up with her. Their lifestyle has massively changed, and she's showing that she wouldn't be a true partner in a relationship
Read your own words: If "you" randomly won the lottery, "you'd" do whatever. Exactly. You. Not your boyfriend telling you -- lottery winner -- what he expects you to do with your money. This girl's soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend is. He's volunteering how she should be paying for his sh and acting like it's "their" expenses. Noooope.
Load More Replies... Even if you were married he still isn't entitled to it and if after a year and a half he has that state of mind then you should rethink the relationship.
If after an year and a half she’s not thinking long term and acting like a partnership she needs to stop stringing him along and leave. She sees this relationship in a transactional way. I imagine she’d think differently if the shoe was on the other foot.
Load More Replies... I think YTA. It would not be hard to pay for rent, but I do not think that you should put the money in a joint savings account. Rent is an immediate need, but if you don't see a future with him, you shouldn't open that savings account.
If I were him I would take my leave of her. If she explained that she had plans to invest it that’s one thing. But if she’s flaunting her Wealth and acting like Paris Hilton she’s too immature to have a relationship with a grownup man. Apparently, she can’t help him get caught up on bills or put aside some savings by paying a greater share. If she’s worried he’ll quit his job she needs to tell him that she’s not going to support him and that’s a dealbreaker. Who wouldn’t want to give a bit more? What kind of person is she showing herself to be? Seems like a greedy one.
NTA. I do question her referring to the 1.5-year relationship as "dating" when they are actually living together! The BF is absolutely an AH for jumping right up and essentially saying she should pay ALL their living expenses! A joint savings account using her money! That wreaks of entitlement. I'd want more info such as, why were they living together? Was it because neither could afford their own place? I could see offering to contribute more. Maybe 60/40 instead of 50/50 but that's it. However, that's not what her gold-digging BF wants. He wants a FREE ride. If she was going to pay all living expenses then she should get her own place without him and not invite him in either.
Of course, man! My grampy clearly stated that you should inherit at least… Well, he at least made it very clear that you should also benefit from… No wait. He didn’t. One and a half year worth of relationship? No. An inheritance is a finite amount - unless placed very wisely and you need some serious know-how to do that - and will run out at some point in the end. You paying for extras you both want and he can’t afford very well; sure. Money is just money compared to fun with someone you like - but this ain’t it. If married and committed long time, sure - but even then I’d make sure I take my inheritance with me if the marriage ends. Your grandfather did not leave the money to your boyfriend. He did not leave the money to the both of you. He left it to YOU. Honour his wishes, friend. What your boyfriend is saying sounds like either the logic of a teenager, or greed. None of those are good. Ok, I realize the chance of OP reading this is basically zero, but what the heck…
Grandpa is the AH for dumping a life-changing amount of cash on someone who doesn't appear to have been prepared to manage it. The folks saying to invest it and live off the investment income are the smart ones. Grandpa could have set something up for her, instead of taking a gamble that he wouldn't kick the bucket when she was perhaps in a position like a soon-to-end marriage that would have immediately lost her $2million.
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