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6
‘I Have No Interest In Staying Home With Kids:’ Woman Is Honest About Her Feelings, Gets Mommy-Shamed
Let’s set all the fairytales and our idealistic thinking aside for a moment. Life isn’t clear-cut and black-and-white: there’s plenty of nuances, twists, and complex emotions that we have to get through. Life’s messy and we can’t expect that everyone will conform to the same way that we think, no matter the topic. Even having kids.
In a very candid and nuanced post on Reddit’s AITA community, user Ambivalent_Mom12 shared that she doesn’t love being pregnant or the baby stage. You won’t find many people being so brutally honest about their feelings—it takes a lot of courage. However, the mom still felt guilty for thinking these things and wanted Reddit’s opinion whether she was totally out of line.
The 31-year-old career-focused redditor pointed out that she already has a son who’s a year-and-a-half old and is pregnant with her second child. “Don’t get me wrong, I love my son and will love the new baby too but I really have no interest in staying home with my children,” she shared. When her friends and family found out, however, they were mortified. Have a read through her full story, dear Pandas, and let us know what your thoughts on the situation are.
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One mom was completely honest about her feelings about being pregnant and ‘the baby stage,’ but her friends and family were less than pleased
Image credits: Boris Jovanovic (not the actual photo)
Ambivalent_Mom12 was honest that she takes pride in her job. As such, her husband has voluntarily decided to take a step back from his own career to spend more time with the kids. It seems like a very mature agreement based on lots and lots of discussions.
However, when the mom was at a social gathering, she chose to be completely honest when a woman confronted her about whether or not she thought that being pregnant is wonderful. “I said that I honestly do not enjoy being pregnant and the baby stage is tough and while I am happy to have another baby I am not really looking forward to taking time off and being stuck at home,” the mom shared.
Immediately, some of the women thought that Ambivalent_Mom12 had a problem. They implied that she might have postpartum depression and suggested that she go to therapy. They jumped to the conclusion that the mom supposedly didn’t love her kids because she wasn’t ecstatic about spending all of her time at home. Though clearly, the mom loves her kids but is honest about the fact that she has other ambitions in life as well.
Postpartum depression or PPD, what the friends and family members were referring to, is depression that you might get after having a baby. According to WebMD, it’s most common to feel its effects during the first three weeks after your baby is born, however, it can start at any time during the child’s first year.
“If you have it, you might feel sad, hopeless, and guilty because you may not feel like you want to bond with, or care for, your baby. Postpartum depression doesn’t just affect first-time moms. You can get it even if you didn’t have it when your other children were born,” WebMD notes.
Here’s what internet users had to say about the mom’s situation. Many were very sympathetic
Some other moms added that pregnancy can be extremely tough and its all right to admit that you’re not a fan of the process
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What do you think ?
N G 4 years ago
Amy is the one needing therapy. She's so desperate to experience pregnancy she's romanticising the experience: no part of it can possibly negative or worthy of dislike. None of this has anything to so with the ambivalent mother at all - it's all infertility projection. Same with the rest of the group (possibly "protecting" Amy) saying the baby stage is all positive - they are deluding themselves, either on purpose or unconsciously, if they genuinely don't remember *any* negative times when their children were very little.
Aisling Raye 4 years ago
I think as a culture women tend to romanticize pregnancy. It's completely wrong to do so. Women absolutely should know the both the good and the bad. Going into a pregnancy thinking it's going to be all rainbows and roses are in for a rough awakening. Maybe all the good PR for being pregnant is an unconscious way of inviting those around you to go through the misery with you? Lol. And before I get called out, I have a friend that LOVES being pregnant. She had three of her own has is now on her second surrogacy. Some women adore it and others hate the process. Everyone is allowed to have their own feelings on the topic and none of those feelings are more or less valid than the others.
Load More Replies...
Weronika Kasperska 4 years ago
I have two amazing Kids and love them to the Moon and back, but pregnancy is a nightmare. And baby stage is like gate of hell, I’m happy that we survived this
Juririn 4 years ago
What about lactating and breastfeeding? I honestly didn't enjoy THAT, but I did it anyway, because ... Was relieved when my baby weaned himself, and that's my truth.
pebs 4 years ago
Oh yes! Many friends of mine just hated breastfeeding, and no one ever thought to shame them. Obviously, we don't live in the US.
Load More Replies...
Ozacoter 4 years ago
It find it hilarious when people get upset if a woman goes back to work and doesnt become a sahm or the father does more than her when the same people are fine when women are doing all the work.
Kathryn Baylis 4 years ago (edited)
Seriously. I mean, what if hers is the more profitable career? I had a professor in college who is married to a pediatrician. She already made more than him before she was offered a position—-at even more money—-as head of pediatrics at a prestigious university hospital on the opposite coast. Naturally, as you can teach anywhere, her husband was all on board with the move across the country. He even planned to take it as a sabbatical, and either take his time finding a great teaching job, write a book, or get another degree and change careers—-and he’s the kind of guy to take care of things at home while doing whichever of those things he chose. So, if this woman is making the lion’s share of income, why wouldn’t her husband be the one to step down and work at home? It would be fiscally foolhardy to do otherwise—-and so very like some kind of 1950s bullshit, as in she can make a good living, but sure, let them struggle on his income alone while she’s stuck at home being a housewife.
Load More Replies...
Laura Dawson 4 years ago
I have to say this & some people won’t like it but as sympathetic as I am to the woman who can’t conceive naturally, how is that the pregnant woman’s fault? Just because she doesn’t enjoy pregnancy, you feel as if that’s something aimed at you & make it about you by turning on the waterworks.
Otter 4 years ago
Yeah, that was an it's-all-about-me moment, the kind that a sensible person should regret once it leaves their mouth.
Load More Replies...
Moo Moo Futch 4 years ago
AITA for knowing at a very VERY young age that I never ever wanted a child. I never wanted to experience pregnancy. I never ever wanted to raise one from baby to adult. I never ever wanted to be a mother to something? I've had a few people tell me that it means I'm selfish which made me laugh because I thought to myself that the single most selfish person on earth is a mother. Not intentionally but it's almost a given because they have another thing to think about and everything they get goes in to growing this casserole of utter foolishness in to a mentally healthy human being. All my disposable income goes on my cats and helping others pet owners with stuff if they are struggling or driving wildlife to the rehab centre if I find something injured or needing to be humanely dealt with.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
I get you. I have been told so many times that I am selfish or that I will change my mind. I didnt even like.playing with dolls as a kid. Least wanting babies
Load More Replies...
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
Who thinks a woman has to lvoe feeling like crap for nearly 10 months, then going through excruciating pain, and then enjoying more hormonal he**? If you love that, fine. If not, fine. Everyone has their own reactions to this, and for women, the physical strain is excruciating. If you get Happy Hormones, fine. If you don't (and most women I know don't, me included when I made it to twelve weeks), that's also fine.
Patti Vance 4 years ago
wasn't really mom material to begin with. couple that with being told i couldn't have kids and i was okay. ended up being one of those women who got pregnant but no symptoms only to discover at 6 mos i was going to be a mom. never was a 'classic' mom but did it my own way and it turned out great. i know my fam thought some of my mothering was not the norm but i ended up w/sons that are self described mama's boys. guess i didn't do too bad.
Marie 4 years ago
My sister has an adorable 1 year old that she has been wanting for the last 17 years since her son was born, but she readily admits she HATES babies and her guy friends had to teach her how to care for one again. Her first son was autistic and she loves how fast her new daughter is learning, but still can't wait for toddlerhood to end.
N G 4 years ago
Amy is the one needing therapy. She's so desperate to experience pregnancy she's romanticising the experience: no part of it can possibly negative or worthy of dislike. None of this has anything to so with the ambivalent mother at all - it's all infertility projection. Same with the rest of the group (possibly "protecting" Amy) saying the baby stage is all positive - they are deluding themselves, either on purpose or unconsciously, if they genuinely don't remember *any* negative times when their children were very little.
Aisling Raye 4 years ago
I think as a culture women tend to romanticize pregnancy. It's completely wrong to do so. Women absolutely should know the both the good and the bad. Going into a pregnancy thinking it's going to be all rainbows and roses are in for a rough awakening. Maybe all the good PR for being pregnant is an unconscious way of inviting those around you to go through the misery with you? Lol. And before I get called out, I have a friend that LOVES being pregnant. She had three of her own has is now on her second surrogacy. Some women adore it and others hate the process. Everyone is allowed to have their own feelings on the topic and none of those feelings are more or less valid than the others.
Load More Replies... Weronika Kasperska 4 years ago
I have two amazing Kids and love them to the Moon and back, but pregnancy is a nightmare. And baby stage is like gate of hell, I’m happy that we survived this
Juririn 4 years ago
What about lactating and breastfeeding? I honestly didn't enjoy THAT, but I did it anyway, because ... Was relieved when my baby weaned himself, and that's my truth.
pebs 4 years ago
Oh yes! Many friends of mine just hated breastfeeding, and no one ever thought to shame them. Obviously, we don't live in the US.
Load More Replies... Ozacoter 4 years ago
It find it hilarious when people get upset if a woman goes back to work and doesnt become a sahm or the father does more than her when the same people are fine when women are doing all the work.
Kathryn Baylis 4 years ago (edited)
Seriously. I mean, what if hers is the more profitable career? I had a professor in college who is married to a pediatrician. She already made more than him before she was offered a position—-at even more money—-as head of pediatrics at a prestigious university hospital on the opposite coast. Naturally, as you can teach anywhere, her husband was all on board with the move across the country. He even planned to take it as a sabbatical, and either take his time finding a great teaching job, write a book, or get another degree and change careers—-and he’s the kind of guy to take care of things at home while doing whichever of those things he chose. So, if this woman is making the lion’s share of income, why wouldn’t her husband be the one to step down and work at home? It would be fiscally foolhardy to do otherwise—-and so very like some kind of 1950s bullshit, as in she can make a good living, but sure, let them struggle on his income alone while she’s stuck at home being a housewife.
Load More Replies... Laura Dawson 4 years ago
I have to say this & some people won’t like it but as sympathetic as I am to the woman who can’t conceive naturally, how is that the pregnant woman’s fault? Just because she doesn’t enjoy pregnancy, you feel as if that’s something aimed at you & make it about you by turning on the waterworks.
Otter 4 years ago
Yeah, that was an it's-all-about-me moment, the kind that a sensible person should regret once it leaves their mouth.
Load More Replies... Moo Moo Futch 4 years ago
AITA for knowing at a very VERY young age that I never ever wanted a child. I never wanted to experience pregnancy. I never ever wanted to raise one from baby to adult. I never ever wanted to be a mother to something? I've had a few people tell me that it means I'm selfish which made me laugh because I thought to myself that the single most selfish person on earth is a mother. Not intentionally but it's almost a given because they have another thing to think about and everything they get goes in to growing this casserole of utter foolishness in to a mentally healthy human being. All my disposable income goes on my cats and helping others pet owners with stuff if they are struggling or driving wildlife to the rehab centre if I find something injured or needing to be humanely dealt with.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
I get you. I have been told so many times that I am selfish or that I will change my mind. I didnt even like.playing with dolls as a kid. Least wanting babies
Load More Replies... Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
Who thinks a woman has to lvoe feeling like crap for nearly 10 months, then going through excruciating pain, and then enjoying more hormonal he**? If you love that, fine. If not, fine. Everyone has their own reactions to this, and for women, the physical strain is excruciating. If you get Happy Hormones, fine. If you don't (and most women I know don't, me included when I made it to twelve weeks), that's also fine.
Patti Vance 4 years ago
wasn't really mom material to begin with. couple that with being told i couldn't have kids and i was okay. ended up being one of those women who got pregnant but no symptoms only to discover at 6 mos i was going to be a mom. never was a 'classic' mom but did it my own way and it turned out great. i know my fam thought some of my mothering was not the norm but i ended up w/sons that are self described mama's boys. guess i didn't do too bad.
Marie 4 years ago
My sister has an adorable 1 year old that she has been wanting for the last 17 years since her son was born, but she readily admits she HATES babies and her guy friends had to teach her how to care for one again. Her first son was autistic and she loves how fast her new daughter is learning, but still can't wait for toddlerhood to end.
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