“He Hasn’t Talked To Me For 3 Days Now”: Boyfriend Upset His Name Won’t Be On House His GF Is Buying For Them
Most people go through the same major milestones in life, like getting married, having children, and, of course, getting their very own place to live in.
We’ll focus on the latter for today’s topic, as there’s a Reddit story by a young lady who, together with her partner, decided to buy a house, but due to some financial disagreements, have run into an ‘am I the a-hole?’ situation that was presented online for the internet’s judgement.
More Info: Reddit
Ask anyone who bought a house—it ain’t easy—so adding ‘family drama’ on top of it all makes it into a nightmare
Image credits: Andrew (not the actual photo)
A 22-year-old anonymous user on Reddit has turned to the r/AmITheA-hole community for some help figuring out if she was wrong for not wanting her boyfriend’s name to be on the house she’s buying because of his minimal financial input into it.
Context time: the woman has been together with her 25-year-old boyfriend for about 4 years now, 2 of which were spent living together in an apartment. Since OP has now landed a $80K-a-year job, she’s been wanting to get her own place, a house in particular.
A young woman turned to the Am I The A-Hole community for some answers about who’s wrong in her house-purchase situation
Image credits: [deleted]
The boyfriend, on the other hand, is as she said “not of a good work ethic,” having changed jobs 8 times throughout their relationship, all providing minimum wage, but he was still on board.
The two ended up finding a house, and decided that they would be looking for a house with a price range small enough that OP could pay for it alone, and the guy’s earnings would be used as extra cash. They would split the mortgage equally, but she’d pay utilities, insurance, and other related expenses.
Image credits: [deleted]
However, all was fine and dandy until the woman asked to only have her name on the house as she’s effectively buying it with her savings, and they aren’t married (and don’t plan on it for the time being).
This did not go well with the boyfriend as he got upset—it was supposed to be “their” house, and the woman claimed it would be, but not legally, as she’s just not willing to put $400,000 on the line.
His response was that if it’s going to be her house, then he shouldn’t have to pay to live there, with which OP disagreed. 3 days passed and the two aren’t talking, and the woman doesn’t think she’s wrong here, so she passed the question onto Reddit.
Image credits: [deleted]
Once the post was already out, she added a comment to clarify some things
For the most part, everyone ruled that she’s not wrong. For some, the argument was that it’s her money, so her house, and if the two were to break up, then they’d be forced to split the house, and that would mean selling it. And, of course, there were some pointing out the red flag in this relationship, providing appropriate advice.
But not everyone agreed with the verdict. There were people who said that everyone is at fault here and it’s something the couple should have had a conversation about long before starting a house hunt, and did not discuss their expectations, where communication is key.
For the most part, everyone supported here, but there were some who gave a different opinion
Another user also did the math and ruled she was actually wrong as she’s making four times more than the guy, but expects him to pay half the mortgage on a $400K house. If anything, that is a lot considering his income.
While the post’s stats are quite modest, having garnered nearly 10,000 upvotes with a handful of Reddit awards, it has encouraged over 2,300 comments for the discussion, so there’s that.
You can check out the full post, as well as all of the people’s comments here, and also check out other articles we’re done on the subreddit here. But before you scurry away, let us know who was wrong here, and how you would have solved the issue in the comments below!
I don't get it, she expects him to just pay half her mortgage and not own the place? That's a bit wild. If she wants to buy a house herself, she should just do that, that's fine. She can also ask him to pay rent, and other costs should be shared, obviously. Can't imagine that's a relationship that would last though.
I agree. Her mortgage shouldn't factor into it. She should charge appropriate rent, but not put it in terms of her mortgage. It is her house. She's the one getting equity. I think it is totally fair for her to keep sole ownership, but I think she made a critical mistake in calling it "our" house and talking about sharing the house expenses. I'm not surprised that he's feeling a bit shocked now. If she had started with something along the lines of, "I want to buy a house now that I'm in a good position financially. I'd love for you to continue living with me and we can come up with a fair rental agreement." Don't even imply "our", especially if you live somewhere with common law marriage statutes.
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If you're paying half the mortgage each, wouldn't it be a conversation with a solicitor to write up a simple agreement that both your names are on the house, but should you ever break up then you get the original $400k out that you put in, and the rest of the value of the house is split 50-50 (since that reflects the way you're contributing). Won't be the first time this scenario has come up for house purchasing, so a solicitor will be able to advise easily.
This is exactly what my ex and I did (apart from we didn't have a lawyer draw anything up, we just trusted each other). When we split up and sold the house we each got our deposit back (I paid 5x what she paid because I'm older and earned more) and split the profit 50-50 because we'd always split the mortgage 50-50. We were both happy with that.
Load More Replies... Well, I was in exactly that situation with my now wife (well, not exactly as the roles were reversed). I had money for a downpayment, she didn't, but it was obvious to me to put her name on the papers as well as she would be paying 50% of the mortgage. We since got married and actually the place is now paid off but if her name wasn't on the deed and we split up somehow after her paying in for years, she would have got nothing. Not cool.
This. I know I still, somehow, in 2021, feel it’s acceptable for men to fork out for their partners. And still treat them as equals. And it’s not the same the other way round. That’s not right, is it? So, not cool. Agree.
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I don't get it, she expects him to just pay half her mortgage and not own the place? That's a bit wild. If she wants to buy a house herself, she should just do that, that's fine. She can also ask him to pay rent, and other costs should be shared, obviously. Can't imagine that's a relationship that would last though.
I agree. Her mortgage shouldn't factor into it. She should charge appropriate rent, but not put it in terms of her mortgage. It is her house. She's the one getting equity. I think it is totally fair for her to keep sole ownership, but I think she made a critical mistake in calling it "our" house and talking about sharing the house expenses. I'm not surprised that he's feeling a bit shocked now. If she had started with something along the lines of, "I want to buy a house now that I'm in a good position financially. I'd love for you to continue living with me and we can come up with a fair rental agreement." Don't even imply "our", especially if you live somewhere with common law marriage statutes.
Load More Replies... If you're paying half the mortgage each, wouldn't it be a conversation with a solicitor to write up a simple agreement that both your names are on the house, but should you ever break up then you get the original $400k out that you put in, and the rest of the value of the house is split 50-50 (since that reflects the way you're contributing). Won't be the first time this scenario has come up for house purchasing, so a solicitor will be able to advise easily.
This is exactly what my ex and I did (apart from we didn't have a lawyer draw anything up, we just trusted each other). When we split up and sold the house we each got our deposit back (I paid 5x what she paid because I'm older and earned more) and split the profit 50-50 because we'd always split the mortgage 50-50. We were both happy with that.
Load More Replies... Well, I was in exactly that situation with my now wife (well, not exactly as the roles were reversed). I had money for a downpayment, she didn't, but it was obvious to me to put her name on the papers as well as she would be paying 50% of the mortgage. We since got married and actually the place is now paid off but if her name wasn't on the deed and we split up somehow after her paying in for years, she would have got nothing. Not cool.
This. I know I still, somehow, in 2021, feel it’s acceptable for men to fork out for their partners. And still treat them as equals. And it’s not the same the other way round. That’s not right, is it? So, not cool. Agree.
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