Wife Builds And Sets Up Furniture All By Herself, Husband Has A Problem With Her Taking Credit For It
A 32-year-old woman turned to the AITA community on Reddit to ask if she was wrong to make her husband feel bad in front of his sister.
The author explained that initially, her dad wanted a boy, but “made the best of what he got.” She continued: “He taught me how to do everything, like fixing stuff around the house, putting DIY furniture together (he’s big on that), woodworking, basically a lot of stuff that is traditionally expected of men to do, my dad taught me how.”
Fast forward to the present where the author and her husband are welcoming their child together. Now the baby furniture has arrived and you may already guess who was the one to put it together. This proved to be no problem until the sister-in-law found out.
The husband is upset over his wife “showing off” in front of his sister for putting all the DIY furniture in the house together by herself
Image credits: nebojsa_ki (not the actual photo)
Image credits: davidpereiras (not the actual photo)
Image credits: metallicsheet
It seems like the world has gone crazy for DIY furniture. Swedish furniture giant IKEA has seen a surge in popularity in recent years, as more people turn to DIY furniture as a way to save money and express their creative side.
The IKEA system encourages customers to assemble their furniture themselves, allowing them to make their own unique pieces that fit their individual styles. Experts say that assembling the DIY furniture also has benefits like improving hand-eye coordination, increasing confidence and even providing a sense of accomplishment.
Many people expressed their support for the author and said that her husband was wrong in this situation
My husband, a brilliant software engineer "Caro, you program the dvd/tv/music connections otherwise I'll go nuts" .... Some men can take it, some can't.
My husband, 25 years working in finance: "Honey, what's 750 divided by two?" Me: "You're kidding me." Hubby: "I don't have my calculator with me." Me: "This explains everything about 2008."
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Fellow pandas. please brag about something you did recently. I want to hear it~
Got out of bed (depression is a helluwa bítch)..
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She did it. She deserves the credit. Also, women like that are sexy as all get out. Nuff said.
If the truth makes you look incompetent, then holy mother of god, you're incompetent. Fix yourself before you take it out on your spouse.
My wife is better with taking apart things and building them again. Who cares!?! Be happy that they are able to do things and find joy in workmanship and using their talents. If more Men were to stop being so wildly petty, selfish, insecure, and childish this planet would be far better than it is now. Life is short as hell! I’m slowly dying with cancer and things become more clear when you are faced with your end. Love and being more abundant in sharing it with others is what counts. May seem dramatic on my part but these little things add up to chasms in marriage and relationships.
I'm praying for your healing in Jesus'Name. Thank you for sharing your perspective. It's so incredibly true because tomorrow is promised to no one and so grateful to hear about people who appreciate their spouses the way you do.
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The correct reaction to that comment should have been - Husband: "Me? Nah, that was all my wife, she's great at these things." - What kind of relationship doesn't acknowledge when your partner does something great for themselves
Quick, call the police. This woman' is a pedophile. Clearly she married a baby.
Oh man. I've got a friend who got teased quite a lot at school for being a bit geeky and absolutely has a bit of a complex about "manly" things. Its weird because he's loaded, has great kids, wife, a big house, talented, nice and happy. But, talk about building shelves, he gets super uncomfortable. Dude, those manly men would be jealous of you. Anyway, the OP, those feelings of inadequacy suck, but there's no need to be a d*** to your wife about it. Its your problem, not hers.
Whenever I see a post like this I wonder why so many good women end up with such wimpy men.
Queer man here, happily married to another man. We are equally well-educated, but I couldn't cut it in the day-to-day American grind and he is an absolute Rockstar at anything he puts his mind to. I'm the more stereotypical "masculine" partner, and I do handle most of the house and yard improvement/maintenance, but I'll be damned if I ever let ANYONE believe that it's because he can't handle it himself. I have the time; he pays the mortgage. There's no shame in that, and we are both quick to point out the inaccuracy when people either a.) assume that I'm the breadwinner, or b.) assume that we paid for someone else to do something around the house when I handled it myself. Some guys, both queer and straight, need to get over the constant pissing contest and just appreciate the value of every stream.
I (32f) put together all our furniture, and am the diy(er) and fixer in our household, whereas my husband (33m) who is a big 6'6 gym goer, plants our lovely rose bushes and flowers in front of our home. It's a hoot when we have visitors and they find out. :^)
Haha same with my step dad. My step dad plants and has a huge garden, so beautifully made. Find out he was an Ex- military Green Beret. Lol the best "manly men," are those who embrace anything they fancy, even if that means ppl think the wife does them 😂
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We have a couple of rentals, plus our own home. I have installed all of the tile and some carpeting. We split painting and he builds rooms. We play to our individual strengths. I am seamstress and a quilter while very much like laying floor tile I can't handle the heavy lumber, plus carpentry on a large scale, no thanks. What it comes down to, being partners in all things.
Arguing over Who put together IKEA furniture? Does he also get angry if he loses on Monopoly?
My dad has taught me how to change a tire, change my brakes, and various other car parts. He takes me everytime he needs help with the car. He teaches me a lot of stuff men are usually expected to know and do. And I'm forever grateful because I can feel confident in my abilities when I'm alone with a flat. Love him. I'm female btw.
If his masculinity and self worth is so far down that he can't STAND you being complimented, thats his personal problem and not yours. He is not a baby but a grown man and if this makes him angry that's ha major red flag. Tell him you are NOT going to lie to people just to cater to his weak ego.
It's silly to be so upset about having a handy wife. That feels like a warning sign. If something as trivial as who put together Ikea furniture sets him off, I can only imagine his temper.
Every post like this makes me appreciate my husband even more. I put together allll the furniture in our house and fix a lot of the stuff around the house. (Not plumbing. I haaate plumbing.) He's always so thankful he didn't have to mess with it and will even brag to other people about me figuring out how to do it all (because I'm not naturally inclined, just super stubborn).
Men are weird sometimes. Get sulky about random things. This doesn't look so much about toxic masculinity as, he needs to talk out his feelings. (Like we tell it kids.) Both me and my wife have gotten annoyed at each other for stupid ego reasons. We talk it out, we grow and learn new things about ourselves and become even better friends.
NTA, I can solve his attitude, take it apart, leave it in a pile, tell him you are sorry you hurt his pride by taking away his job of furniture assembly, hand him the screw driver/Allen wrench pat him on the back and tell him "go for it".
I grew up in the highly sexist 60's with all the antiquated gender role assumptions, and I can and have assembled lots of furniture. It's designed to be assembled by any idiot with half a brain, not just men. That poor girl needs to take a long hard look at hubby if he's threatened by her competence. And tell him, as I frequently tell my 72 year old husband, "welcome to the 21st Century."
Dude sounds like a huge douche for needing credit for ikea furniture build - regardless of doing it himself or not. Like who cares ? It’s assembling furniture with an instruction booklet and most likely a free crappy tool included in the box . It’s not like she built a log cabin house all alone in the woods without blue prints or something intimidating - and personally speaking at 41 - if I met a woman who do that - or even simply assembled furniture without pawning it off on me by default because I’m the guy in the relationship …. I’d probably try and slide a ring on that finger because she sounds like a partner in crime, not competition.
I was proud of myself this week for helping a family member track down where/when she bought something online that didn't work. She knew she'd bought it around Christmas time last year so I cross-referenced any keywords I could think of for the tool (since we didn't have a brand name) with her browser history and voila! Found it, returned it, and got her money back. Maybe it doesn't sound like much but I felt it was a good bit of detective work.
People are always surprised when they ask who was going to put something together and I say me. Their replies you can do that. Worked at a theater was asked to put a free standing movie poster sign together no problem. Started and one of the guys tried to take it away. I said no but he continued.so I stood there holding a piece and stared at him. He finally left 5 mins later. He actually put a couple of pieces together completely wrong and I had to redo his work.took wood and metal shop and have my own tools. Your husband doesnt like that he couldn't take credit. Take the credit where it's due. Definitely NTA!
Why in god's name wouldn't you want a wife that's handy around the house. Less picture hanging and faucet repair for me? "Please don't throw me in that(sic) briar patch." Let's me cook more anyway.
Awe, he got his ego hurt. Guess he should have gotten up to help, then, huh? I mean...was OP pregnant at the time she was putting the furniture together? One of my pet peeves is when someone does the work and another person who had nothing to do with the project wants praise for it. Gender doesn't matter, either. I can't stand someone taking credit where it isn't due. I'm glad that OP's father taught her how to do things herself - it makes her self-reliant, and that's what I hope for with my own kids, so they never have to rely on anyone but themselves.
My husband us always proud of the practical stuff like renovating etc that I do.
NTA Your husband is being childish & insecure. So he wanted you agree, then later when people find out & ask why did you let me believe that lie?, Then you look just as bad as hubby
This cracks me up. My wife and I have assembled and installed two Ikea kitchens and countless cabinets, dressers, sideboards, etc, over two houses. We both know how to do it, but if she wants to do it - h*ll yeah! Our younger son has a knack for it, too, and we pay him for it. Dude should be grateful.
Well, other than their less than stellar grammar the OP is definitely NTA. Who even chooses to fight over such absolute nothing? Sometimes I'll assemble our furniture and sometimes my hubby will. It's such a non issue. It's certainly not something either of us would ever use to "show off". Conversely I can't imagine demanding my spouse lie for my fragile ego to my sister either. Just ridiculous...
I really worry what kind of parental figure he's gonna be to the kid. There's like 1001 potential psychological hazards there.
Wife: puts together furniture by herself. Husband: d*ck shrivels up and falls off because wife can put together furniture.
Memo to husband: She did hours of work, and all that was asked of you is giving ten seconds of credit. Or just shutting up. What is there about Great Deal For You that you don't get?
This is SO sexist. Following directions is not gender assigned behavior. In many cases it is the woman in any relationship who is better at following directions and thus may be better st assembly.
This was actually hilarious. I laughed out loud and scared the cat. Poor fragile guy, why couldnt he have chimed in and just "No, she did it" , no drama, just fact.
Taking credit for putting together furniture that's pre-cut and has not only all the hardware, tools and instructions packaged neatly included is not the flex this guy thinks it is. My dad was a master woodworker (you should see the roll top desk, entertainment center and grandfather clock he built...absolutely BEAUTIFUL. He also built the house we lived in) I've built many a Sauder (I guess the U.S. version of Ikea). It's not rocket science
This guy's fragile ego is a serious problem. If he can't acknowledge your work then what kind of relationship can you two have? Your husband should be the one bragging about what you did. When my wife installed wood floors in our house, I made sure every visitor knew how hard she worked on it. That's what a husband is supposed to do. People who love each other recognize each other's talents and labor, and when they talk about their spouse they put themselves last. Anyone who can't do that for you, doesn't deserve you.
He needs to go to therapy and not sh*t on her for existing. He clearly has some serious toxic masculinity to work through and if he doesn't she should absolutely leave. This man is the kind of person who tries to stomp everything special out of their partner so they can look good by comparison and he will eventually wear her down and exhaust her. Get him help and/or get out while you still can!
OP should watch YouTube videos by Japanese/American couple Jun and Rachel. Rachel LIVES for putting together furniture or computers, upcycling and DIY in general and her husband Jun thinks she is the coolest wife of all time.
Wow imagine being upset that your loved one said they can figure out Ikea furniture
Ntah!! Her husband is for not speaking up and giving her the credit first! What a damn baby to think she was insulting him ! Grow up and grow a pair! She should divorce that mamas boy now, its a preview of his true self and just the beginning! My husband will take my credit but doesn't think im insulting him when I correct him (and I do, about just about everything that comes out of his mouth! I told him if he didn't like it when I correct him in front of his friends then he shouldn't be saying stuff that needs correcting!). My husband is a carpenter and I put all my kids furniture together, as well as everything else in our house, if I waited for him to do it it would never get done!
My stepdaughter does furniture herself. I say, "You go, girl." AIY furniture is designed to be put together. What's the big deal?
"\*sigh*\" Queue the sexists who chalk this up to "masculinity". If this had been a lesbian couple and partner A had gotten upset because she'd perceived that partner B was making her look bad to her family (who knows what weird dynamic and history exists between these siblings?), what box would you put the behavior in then? Not only do you invalidate a person's feelings and emotions based on their gender, but you're also selling other genders short by implying it's exclusive to one gender. People are people, for better or worse. Not saying the husband isn't in the wrong here, but to reduce the whole thing to "toxic masculinity" based solely on his gender -without even knowing any of these people or hearing all sides of it- is sexist, and your snap judgement needs to be checked.
I've always felt lucky that I was raised in a family that did not distinguish between "women's" and "men's" jobs. Both of my grandfathers taught me how to do handy work - working with wood and metal, building things, repairing and restoring stuff etc. And never in my life I felt like a surrogate grandson - neither of them ever mentioned they'd prefer a boy. They just taught me everything they know like it was a normal thing to do - and for that I'm forever grateful!
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The fact the husband even wants credit for assembling Ikea tables and such is pretty pathetic, honestly. Does he never do anything the slightest bit masculine?
Credit where credits is due. And it should not matter in a relation ship as long as it is done, without unbalancing the entire household responsibilities.
The husband is an *ss, but what I don't get is why he was trying to be cool in front of his sister? She's seen more insecurities out of him than OP probably had ever seen. Although, it is sexist for the sister to assume her brother did it. What should've been asked could either be, did both of you do this or just one of you? Plus, with the husband not even helping OP, if she asked for assistance, but that's a huge if, the least he could've done was ask her if he could help in some way without trying to find everything. That's the point of being partners, you do it together.
It sounds like there's much more going on in their relationship. If he said something about it, this probably isn't the 1st she's done something like this. If he would've said, "Yeah, she built it, but I paid for it by working 50 hours per week",everybody would think that he's an AH. If the shoe were on the other foot, I would've stopped at, "Oh no, I put this together" so as not to seem like I'm finishing what my spouse contributes to the household by pumping up my accomplishments. I cook the meals but I won't go beyond for the one meal if someone says something. I have no need to add that I also cook every meal. I also wouldn't mention that I mow the grass, make the money and take care of her kids (my step children). It's not him having toxic masculinity, it's her being respectful just as she expects the same from him.
It is absolutely about toxic masculinity. Why would he get so upset about it anyways? Ego trip. Also, a red flag in any relationship. They can either get divorced soon or work s**t out in therapy. "Its her being respectful just as she expects the same from him." - obviously there is lack of respect in thier relationship, if hes getting butthurt about assembling DIY furniture. She deserves respect. Not a husband who crys about what he doesn't/didn't do. 💁♀️
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Same kind of background for me. I actually have a younger brother but he is unusually inept at anything that is hands on. So I was dad's little helper, and while not greatly skilled, I can handle a lot of household projects. Brother tends to hire people to handle things. He's ok with it and not above asking me to look at a problem when I visit his house.
Err. Every one I know, men and women, can put together diy (IKEA) furniture. It's called not being 5 years old. Every adult should be able to do it, there are instructions. Why is this an issue? And yes, it's stuoid to assume that your partner put it together, and for him to feel hurt about the fact that ypu did it. Maybe stop being with dumb people?
My husband, a brilliant software engineer "Caro, you program the dvd/tv/music connections otherwise I'll go nuts" .... Some men can take it, some can't.
My husband, 25 years working in finance: "Honey, what's 750 divided by two?" Me: "You're kidding me." Hubby: "I don't have my calculator with me." Me: "This explains everything about 2008."
Load More Replies... Fellow pandas. please brag about something you did recently. I want to hear it~
Got out of bed (depression is a helluwa bítch)..
Load More Replies... She did it. She deserves the credit. Also, women like that are sexy as all get out. Nuff said.
If the truth makes you look incompetent, then holy mother of god, you're incompetent. Fix yourself before you take it out on your spouse.
My wife is better with taking apart things and building them again. Who cares!?! Be happy that they are able to do things and find joy in workmanship and using their talents. If more Men were to stop being so wildly petty, selfish, insecure, and childish this planet would be far better than it is now. Life is short as hell! I’m slowly dying with cancer and things become more clear when you are faced with your end. Love and being more abundant in sharing it with others is what counts. May seem dramatic on my part but these little things add up to chasms in marriage and relationships.
I'm praying for your healing in Jesus'Name. Thank you for sharing your perspective. It's so incredibly true because tomorrow is promised to no one and so grateful to hear about people who appreciate their spouses the way you do.
Load More Replies... The correct reaction to that comment should have been - Husband: "Me? Nah, that was all my wife, she's great at these things." - What kind of relationship doesn't acknowledge when your partner does something great for themselves
Quick, call the police. This woman' is a pedophile. Clearly she married a baby.
Oh man. I've got a friend who got teased quite a lot at school for being a bit geeky and absolutely has a bit of a complex about "manly" things. Its weird because he's loaded, has great kids, wife, a big house, talented, nice and happy. But, talk about building shelves, he gets super uncomfortable. Dude, those manly men would be jealous of you. Anyway, the OP, those feelings of inadequacy suck, but there's no need to be a d*** to your wife about it. Its your problem, not hers.
Whenever I see a post like this I wonder why so many good women end up with such wimpy men.
Queer man here, happily married to another man. We are equally well-educated, but I couldn't cut it in the day-to-day American grind and he is an absolute Rockstar at anything he puts his mind to. I'm the more stereotypical "masculine" partner, and I do handle most of the house and yard improvement/maintenance, but I'll be damned if I ever let ANYONE believe that it's because he can't handle it himself. I have the time; he pays the mortgage. There's no shame in that, and we are both quick to point out the inaccuracy when people either a.) assume that I'm the breadwinner, or b.) assume that we paid for someone else to do something around the house when I handled it myself. Some guys, both queer and straight, need to get over the constant pissing contest and just appreciate the value of every stream.
I (32f) put together all our furniture, and am the diy(er) and fixer in our household, whereas my husband (33m) who is a big 6'6 gym goer, plants our lovely rose bushes and flowers in front of our home. It's a hoot when we have visitors and they find out. :^)
Haha same with my step dad. My step dad plants and has a huge garden, so beautifully made. Find out he was an Ex- military Green Beret. Lol the best "manly men," are those who embrace anything they fancy, even if that means ppl think the wife does them 😂
Load More Replies... We have a couple of rentals, plus our own home. I have installed all of the tile and some carpeting. We split painting and he builds rooms. We play to our individual strengths. I am seamstress and a quilter while very much like laying floor tile I can't handle the heavy lumber, plus carpentry on a large scale, no thanks. What it comes down to, being partners in all things.
Arguing over Who put together IKEA furniture? Does he also get angry if he loses on Monopoly?
My dad has taught me how to change a tire, change my brakes, and various other car parts. He takes me everytime he needs help with the car. He teaches me a lot of stuff men are usually expected to know and do. And I'm forever grateful because I can feel confident in my abilities when I'm alone with a flat. Love him. I'm female btw.
If his masculinity and self worth is so far down that he can't STAND you being complimented, thats his personal problem and not yours. He is not a baby but a grown man and if this makes him angry that's ha major red flag. Tell him you are NOT going to lie to people just to cater to his weak ego.
It's silly to be so upset about having a handy wife. That feels like a warning sign. If something as trivial as who put together Ikea furniture sets him off, I can only imagine his temper.
Every post like this makes me appreciate my husband even more. I put together allll the furniture in our house and fix a lot of the stuff around the house. (Not plumbing. I haaate plumbing.) He's always so thankful he didn't have to mess with it and will even brag to other people about me figuring out how to do it all (because I'm not naturally inclined, just super stubborn).
Men are weird sometimes. Get sulky about random things. This doesn't look so much about toxic masculinity as, he needs to talk out his feelings. (Like we tell it kids.) Both me and my wife have gotten annoyed at each other for stupid ego reasons. We talk it out, we grow and learn new things about ourselves and become even better friends.
NTA, I can solve his attitude, take it apart, leave it in a pile, tell him you are sorry you hurt his pride by taking away his job of furniture assembly, hand him the screw driver/Allen wrench pat him on the back and tell him "go for it".
I grew up in the highly sexist 60's with all the antiquated gender role assumptions, and I can and have assembled lots of furniture. It's designed to be assembled by any idiot with half a brain, not just men. That poor girl needs to take a long hard look at hubby if he's threatened by her competence. And tell him, as I frequently tell my 72 year old husband, "welcome to the 21st Century."
Dude sounds like a huge douche for needing credit for ikea furniture build - regardless of doing it himself or not. Like who cares ? It’s assembling furniture with an instruction booklet and most likely a free crappy tool included in the box . It’s not like she built a log cabin house all alone in the woods without blue prints or something intimidating - and personally speaking at 41 - if I met a woman who do that - or even simply assembled furniture without pawning it off on me by default because I’m the guy in the relationship …. I’d probably try and slide a ring on that finger because she sounds like a partner in crime, not competition.
I was proud of myself this week for helping a family member track down where/when she bought something online that didn't work. She knew she'd bought it around Christmas time last year so I cross-referenced any keywords I could think of for the tool (since we didn't have a brand name) with her browser history and voila! Found it, returned it, and got her money back. Maybe it doesn't sound like much but I felt it was a good bit of detective work.
People are always surprised when they ask who was going to put something together and I say me. Their replies you can do that. Worked at a theater was asked to put a free standing movie poster sign together no problem. Started and one of the guys tried to take it away. I said no but he continued.so I stood there holding a piece and stared at him. He finally left 5 mins later. He actually put a couple of pieces together completely wrong and I had to redo his work.took wood and metal shop and have my own tools. Your husband doesnt like that he couldn't take credit. Take the credit where it's due. Definitely NTA!
Why in god's name wouldn't you want a wife that's handy around the house. Less picture hanging and faucet repair for me? "Please don't throw me in that(sic) briar patch." Let's me cook more anyway.
Awe, he got his ego hurt. Guess he should have gotten up to help, then, huh? I mean...was OP pregnant at the time she was putting the furniture together? One of my pet peeves is when someone does the work and another person who had nothing to do with the project wants praise for it. Gender doesn't matter, either. I can't stand someone taking credit where it isn't due. I'm glad that OP's father taught her how to do things herself - it makes her self-reliant, and that's what I hope for with my own kids, so they never have to rely on anyone but themselves.
My husband us always proud of the practical stuff like renovating etc that I do.
NTA Your husband is being childish & insecure. So he wanted you agree, then later when people find out & ask why did you let me believe that lie?, Then you look just as bad as hubby
This cracks me up. My wife and I have assembled and installed two Ikea kitchens and countless cabinets, dressers, sideboards, etc, over two houses. We both know how to do it, but if she wants to do it - h*ll yeah! Our younger son has a knack for it, too, and we pay him for it. Dude should be grateful.
Well, other than their less than stellar grammar the OP is definitely NTA. Who even chooses to fight over such absolute nothing? Sometimes I'll assemble our furniture and sometimes my hubby will. It's such a non issue. It's certainly not something either of us would ever use to "show off". Conversely I can't imagine demanding my spouse lie for my fragile ego to my sister either. Just ridiculous...
I really worry what kind of parental figure he's gonna be to the kid. There's like 1001 potential psychological hazards there.
Wife: puts together furniture by herself. Husband: d*ck shrivels up and falls off because wife can put together furniture.
Memo to husband: She did hours of work, and all that was asked of you is giving ten seconds of credit. Or just shutting up. What is there about Great Deal For You that you don't get?
This is SO sexist. Following directions is not gender assigned behavior. In many cases it is the woman in any relationship who is better at following directions and thus may be better st assembly.
This was actually hilarious. I laughed out loud and scared the cat. Poor fragile guy, why couldnt he have chimed in and just "No, she did it" , no drama, just fact.
Taking credit for putting together furniture that's pre-cut and has not only all the hardware, tools and instructions packaged neatly included is not the flex this guy thinks it is. My dad was a master woodworker (you should see the roll top desk, entertainment center and grandfather clock he built...absolutely BEAUTIFUL. He also built the house we lived in) I've built many a Sauder (I guess the U.S. version of Ikea). It's not rocket science
This guy's fragile ego is a serious problem. If he can't acknowledge your work then what kind of relationship can you two have? Your husband should be the one bragging about what you did. When my wife installed wood floors in our house, I made sure every visitor knew how hard she worked on it. That's what a husband is supposed to do. People who love each other recognize each other's talents and labor, and when they talk about their spouse they put themselves last. Anyone who can't do that for you, doesn't deserve you.
He needs to go to therapy and not sh*t on her for existing. He clearly has some serious toxic masculinity to work through and if he doesn't she should absolutely leave. This man is the kind of person who tries to stomp everything special out of their partner so they can look good by comparison and he will eventually wear her down and exhaust her. Get him help and/or get out while you still can!
OP should watch YouTube videos by Japanese/American couple Jun and Rachel. Rachel LIVES for putting together furniture or computers, upcycling and DIY in general and her husband Jun thinks she is the coolest wife of all time.
Wow imagine being upset that your loved one said they can figure out Ikea furniture
Ntah!! Her husband is for not speaking up and giving her the credit first! What a damn baby to think she was insulting him ! Grow up and grow a pair! She should divorce that mamas boy now, its a preview of his true self and just the beginning! My husband will take my credit but doesn't think im insulting him when I correct him (and I do, about just about everything that comes out of his mouth! I told him if he didn't like it when I correct him in front of his friends then he shouldn't be saying stuff that needs correcting!). My husband is a carpenter and I put all my kids furniture together, as well as everything else in our house, if I waited for him to do it it would never get done!
My stepdaughter does furniture herself. I say, "You go, girl." AIY furniture is designed to be put together. What's the big deal?
"\*sigh*\" Queue the sexists who chalk this up to "masculinity". If this had been a lesbian couple and partner A had gotten upset because she'd perceived that partner B was making her look bad to her family (who knows what weird dynamic and history exists between these siblings?), what box would you put the behavior in then? Not only do you invalidate a person's feelings and emotions based on their gender, but you're also selling other genders short by implying it's exclusive to one gender. People are people, for better or worse. Not saying the husband isn't in the wrong here, but to reduce the whole thing to "toxic masculinity" based solely on his gender -without even knowing any of these people or hearing all sides of it- is sexist, and your snap judgement needs to be checked.
I've always felt lucky that I was raised in a family that did not distinguish between "women's" and "men's" jobs. Both of my grandfathers taught me how to do handy work - working with wood and metal, building things, repairing and restoring stuff etc. And never in my life I felt like a surrogate grandson - neither of them ever mentioned they'd prefer a boy. They just taught me everything they know like it was a normal thing to do - and for that I'm forever grateful!
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The fact the husband even wants credit for assembling Ikea tables and such is pretty pathetic, honestly. Does he never do anything the slightest bit masculine?
Credit where credits is due. And it should not matter in a relation ship as long as it is done, without unbalancing the entire household responsibilities.
The husband is an *ss, but what I don't get is why he was trying to be cool in front of his sister? She's seen more insecurities out of him than OP probably had ever seen. Although, it is sexist for the sister to assume her brother did it. What should've been asked could either be, did both of you do this or just one of you? Plus, with the husband not even helping OP, if she asked for assistance, but that's a huge if, the least he could've done was ask her if he could help in some way without trying to find everything. That's the point of being partners, you do it together.
It sounds like there's much more going on in their relationship. If he said something about it, this probably isn't the 1st she's done something like this. If he would've said, "Yeah, she built it, but I paid for it by working 50 hours per week",everybody would think that he's an AH. If the shoe were on the other foot, I would've stopped at, "Oh no, I put this together" so as not to seem like I'm finishing what my spouse contributes to the household by pumping up my accomplishments. I cook the meals but I won't go beyond for the one meal if someone says something. I have no need to add that I also cook every meal. I also wouldn't mention that I mow the grass, make the money and take care of her kids (my step children). It's not him having toxic masculinity, it's her being respectful just as she expects the same from him.
It is absolutely about toxic masculinity. Why would he get so upset about it anyways? Ego trip. Also, a red flag in any relationship. They can either get divorced soon or work s**t out in therapy. "Its her being respectful just as she expects the same from him." - obviously there is lack of respect in thier relationship, if hes getting butthurt about assembling DIY furniture. She deserves respect. Not a husband who crys about what he doesn't/didn't do. 💁♀️
Load More Replies... Same kind of background for me. I actually have a younger brother but he is unusually inept at anything that is hands on. So I was dad's little helper, and while not greatly skilled, I can handle a lot of household projects. Brother tends to hire people to handle things. He's ok with it and not above asking me to look at a problem when I visit his house.
Err. Every one I know, men and women, can put together diy (IKEA) furniture. It's called not being 5 years old. Every adult should be able to do it, there are instructions. Why is this an issue? And yes, it's stuoid to assume that your partner put it together, and for him to feel hurt about the fact that ypu did it. Maybe stop being with dumb people?
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