Woman Refuses To Downplay Her Boundary And Leaves MIL In A Parking Lot, Asks If She Was Wrong
Boundaries are necessary for any healthy relationship, but they can be pretty hard to put up when it comes to family. After all, our own kin tends to feel a certain entitlement and connection to us, that, often, come with a confusing insistence at overlooking barriers you try to set up.
A woman asked the internet for advice after an argument with her MIL that culminated with OP ditching her in a parking lot. Despite communicating a personal rule that she doesn’t want to be around her, the MIL demanded to be driven home and threw a fit when OP said no. The woman later posted a pretty significant update.
Conflicts between people and their in-laws are unfortunately common
Image credits:LightFieldStudios (not the actual photo)
But one woman wondered if she was wrong for ditching her ride-less MIL in a parking lot after she made some snide comments
Image credits:sloomstudio (not the actual photo)
Image credits:aitathrowaway265
MIL issues are as old as the idea of marriage itself
For many people, the three little letters, MIL, are enough to make them roll their eyes. It’s already a cliche that the mother of your spouse tends to have expectations that you will not meet and a pretty strong desire to communicate her disappointment either directly or indirectly, through a massive campaign of passive aggression.
Case in point, OP, who even had to set a pretty strict no-contact boundary. Unfortunately for her, she still lives near her MIL, which can complicate things when it comes to childcare. It’s worth noting that MIL jokes date back to ancient Rome and most likely were around even before that. While it’s not direct evidence, it is one indicator that this sort of family drama dates back to the ancient world.
Unfortunately, the very nature of the in-law relationship means that there will be some degree of mistrust and jealousy involved. Both parties, the spouse and the parent, might end up feeling like they are competing for attention with the person in the middle. However, as this story demonstrates, sometimes your partner doesn’t even understand that their parent really needs to back off.
Image credits:Anna Shvets (not the actual photo)
Family dynamics are complicated when it’s not technically your family
It doesn’t always have to be bad, however. Some studies indicate that healthy communication can contribute to what sociologists call a found family. This is particularly true if a person isn’t close with their biological parents. After all, some families are better off left behind. However, this is irrelevant in this particular case, since OP has made it quite clear that she wants nothing to do with this woman. And who can blame her, a nagging MIL is a pretty significant thorn in one’s side.
After all, a MIL isn’t some random stranger who can be completely rejected and cut out of one’s life. Even if you are avoiding her, there is a chance that your spouse doesn’t feel the same way, which is pretty visible in this story. Many of the comments centered on advice for OP, as some netizens thought her entire situation toxic.
It’s worth noting that many readers also thought that OP didn’t exactly do the right thing either. Giving the MIL a ride would realistically only take a handful of minutes and, truth be told, give OP a bit of the moral high ground. If she can walk back in 15 minutes, then the car ride should be done in under five.
Image credits:Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
There are a few unknowns in this story
However, we were not there and we don’t know the entire context. After all, this citation may have simply been the straw that broke the camel’s back. The fact that OP feels like her husband (who is the child’s biological father, as confirmed in the comments) doesn’t have her back might indicate that she simply doesn’t have the support system to “do the right thing.”
If you are the kind of person who craves an update, then thank your lucky stars, as OP did, a year later, share what happened next with the internet. That post can be found below. In the comments, which are also below, people debated and disagreed on who really did the right thing in this situation. So feel free to add your thoughts to the comments section.
People wanted to know if her husband is the father of the child
Most folks thought everyone could have handled the situation better
But some saw OP’s point
While other’s thought he was just being rude
A year later, OP shared a pretty significant update
Poll Question
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"Disobeying" him?!?! Bahahahahahahahaha... no. Glad she got rid of those toxic weirdos.
No. I would vote ESH simply for the daughter. Imagine being a little kid and seeing your grandma waiting for you after school. You’re happy, but then your mommy whom you also love arrives and has a big argument with grandma. Not to mention that, sadly, it might very well lead to mean comments from class mates. I am fully on the mom‘s side regarding her relationship and boundaries with her MIL, but you try to keep children out of this. Biggest AH is the husband though, don’t get me wrong.
Load More Replies...I used to be friends with someone whose boyfriend was mad at her for disagreeing with him because the fact that she had a different opinion about something meant she didn't respect him somehow. He was also much older and felt the man should me the leader in the relationship. She ended up marrying him and we aren't friends anymore. I always think about her when I see stories like this because I know she's probably going through similar toxic stuff. It makes me so sad to think about women staying with jerks like this.
I was going to say ESH and that it wasn't that big of a deal to drive the MIL home. But then I re-thought about how much I usually think that people should stop being pushovers in these articles and I was literally being a pushover out of some sense of appeasement or giving. But f**k that noise, definitely NTA and i need to re-train my brain about how I approach things and that as much as I tell people they don't have to be nice, I should actually listen to myself.
The problem with not saying anything in order to "keep the peace," is that the person being told to do this is never the person who is causing the drama. You can't keep the boat steady when someone else is doing all the rocking. Very glad OP got out of this toxic marriage.
The ex husband is a grommer. He got a 19 year old pregnant when he was 28-29. Someone in their late twenties shouldn't be hanging out with teenager's socially, unless it's a family member, let alone having sex with one. It's good she finally got out of that relationship and got custody of her daughter.
I was concerned about this part too. She may have been “legal” but it feels like quite a power imbalance in the relationship that the husband exploited. If I was pregnant at 19 I would not have known how I was going to be able to handle it. Then there’s a man who got you pregnant and is an adult (technically) and seems able to help. Toxic situation if you ask me.
Load More Replies..."Disobeying" him?!?! Bahahahahahahahaha... no. Glad she got rid of those toxic weirdos.
No. I would vote ESH simply for the daughter. Imagine being a little kid and seeing your grandma waiting for you after school. You’re happy, but then your mommy whom you also love arrives and has a big argument with grandma. Not to mention that, sadly, it might very well lead to mean comments from class mates. I am fully on the mom‘s side regarding her relationship and boundaries with her MIL, but you try to keep children out of this. Biggest AH is the husband though, don’t get me wrong.
Load More Replies...I used to be friends with someone whose boyfriend was mad at her for disagreeing with him because the fact that she had a different opinion about something meant she didn't respect him somehow. He was also much older and felt the man should me the leader in the relationship. She ended up marrying him and we aren't friends anymore. I always think about her when I see stories like this because I know she's probably going through similar toxic stuff. It makes me so sad to think about women staying with jerks like this.
I was going to say ESH and that it wasn't that big of a deal to drive the MIL home. But then I re-thought about how much I usually think that people should stop being pushovers in these articles and I was literally being a pushover out of some sense of appeasement or giving. But f**k that noise, definitely NTA and i need to re-train my brain about how I approach things and that as much as I tell people they don't have to be nice, I should actually listen to myself.
The problem with not saying anything in order to "keep the peace," is that the person being told to do this is never the person who is causing the drama. You can't keep the boat steady when someone else is doing all the rocking. Very glad OP got out of this toxic marriage.
The ex husband is a grommer. He got a 19 year old pregnant when he was 28-29. Someone in their late twenties shouldn't be hanging out with teenager's socially, unless it's a family member, let alone having sex with one. It's good she finally got out of that relationship and got custody of her daughter.
I was concerned about this part too. She may have been “legal” but it feels like quite a power imbalance in the relationship that the husband exploited. If I was pregnant at 19 I would not have known how I was going to be able to handle it. Then there’s a man who got you pregnant and is an adult (technically) and seems able to help. Toxic situation if you ask me.
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