Abigail is now busy launching a new organization for comedy and shows in Frankfurt called “English Comedy Frankfurt,” so be sure to follow her work on Twitter.

“The secret to any comeback is connection,” she said and continued: “If you are really listening (and connecting) with another person, you are taking them in fully, aware of who they are, the context in which you are dealing with this person.”

Abigail believes that we tend do this assessment unconsciously. “We aren't even always aware that we are always sizing up other people. This is too often because we are so focused on ourselves.”

“I teach the rules and principles of improvisation. We credit the improv guru Keith Johnstone with the term 'status' exercises and games, which helps us see things like status moves, and how to make a character in a scene have a higher or lower status. By working on this skill in a theatrical way, you also start to notice status 'wars' happening in real life. On the stage, it usually has the end effect of being comedic. In real life, it can go either way.”

Abigail argues that a great comeback feels great because it was earned. “It was spontaneous. The commenter was probably really listening. It was unique to that moment, set of people, situation,” she explained.

When asked how to make sure that your comeback doesn't sound mean, Abigail warns that “a comeback is not a clapback—which is generally sarcastic, but a clapback might be fun among friends.” Moreover, “Context of situation always matters. In working on status exercises in improv, we try to get people to see that the easiest way to raise another person's status is to lower their own. We see that in standup comedy too. Usually it works best if the comic is the butt of the joke, not the audience. (There are plenty of exceptions.)”

According to Abigail, “You needn't be too self-effacing for a good comeback, but if it can lift other people up, it usually works well and gains the speaker a laugh and cements the bond that says, we are in this together.”

Comebacks can be a useful communication tool, but Abigail argues that excellent listening skills are the most important thing. “Paying attention, making accurate observations about the people in the room, and how they feel—these are the tools that will make a comeback really shine,” she said.

And when it comes to getting better at listening, Abigail shared a fun game to exercise. “Have a chat with someone, but you have to start your response with the last letter of what the person has just said to you,” she said and added: “For example, if person 1 says 'what was the best part of your day'—the response must start with Y from the word day.”

“It might make for odd conversations at first, but it also forces you to really listen to the complete end of the person's sentence before you add in your own thoughts,” she concluded.