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Mom Who Hasn’t Seen Her Daughters In 7 Months Wants Them Back: “They Don’t Even Want To See Her”
Mom Who Hasn’t Seen Her Daughters In 7 Months Wants Them Back: “They Don’t Even Want To See Her”
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Mom Who Hasn’t Seen Her Daughters In 7 Months Wants Them Back: “They Don’t Even Want To See Her”

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When you marry someone who already has kids from a previous relationship, you need to be prepared to accept the entire package. Some people manage to do this with ease and grace, while others fail dismally.

One stepfather got more than he bargained for when his wife suddenly left him. And left her three daughters behind. He and the girls have been living happily together for a while now, and have found their “groove”. But things took an unexpected turn recently. The man received an email from his ex, saying she wants her daughters back. And no longer wants him in their life. The devastated stepdad doesn’t know what to do, and turned to the internet for help.

RELATED:

    Not everyone is cut out to be a parent, and sometimes stepdads do a better job than biological ones

    Image credits: astreltsova/Envato (not the actual photo)

    One man willingly took his ex’s kids full-time when she abandoned them, but he wasn’t expecting her to suddenly want them back

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    Image credits: nd3000/Envato (not the actual photo)

    Image credits: stephen8

    Mothers are meant to nurture, protect and love their children, but some do the exact opposite

    The University of Nottingham defines child abandonment “a parent or guardian deserting a child or not providing them with the necessary care.” And adds that it can involve anything from child neglect to dropping a child off at a destination (such as a fire station or a public place) and leaving.

    The UN Convention on the Rights of the Child (UNCRC) states that every child has “the right to know and be cared for by his or her parents”. It goes without saying that when a child is abandoned, their rights are violated.

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    The National Safe Haven Alliance is an NPO dedicated to helping babies who are no longer wanted by their parents. The Alliance revealed that in 2021, “31 babies were placed in dumpsters, found in backpacks, or discarded in other dangerous locations.” 22 of those infants died.

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    Since the NPO was launched in 1999, more than 4,500 babies have been voluntarily “relinquished” to them. And they’ve found more than 1,600 infants who were abandoned. The majority of those abandoned did not survive.

    Image credits: BĀBI/Unsplash (not the actual photo)

    There are various reasons why parents abandon their children

    As this paper notes, the main causes of child abandonment are “poverty or financial hardship, being a single parent, post-natal depression, mental illness, a lack of sexual health education, poor knowledge regarding family planning, restrictions regarding access to abortion, the child having some form of disability, the child being HIV positive, pregnancy as a result of rape, abuse or force by partner, and a lack of services and resources to support parents who have children with disabilities.”

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    Being abandoned can have a massive impact on a child. “When a child is abandoned, they experience a deep sense of loss and rejection,” reads the His House Children’s Home site. “This can lead to feelings of insecurity, low self-esteem, and a lack of trust in others.”

    The emotional scars don’t heal easily and can last right through adulthood, causing problems when it comes to trusting people, and forming healthy relationships. The orphanage adds that the trauma of being abandoned can lead to depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). “These children may struggle with feelings of worthlessness, a fear of forming attachments, and a sense of constant insecurity.”

    “The youngest is scared of her”: The man shed some light on his wife’s “erratic behavior and shouting”

    Image credits: stephen8

    In an update, the stepdad revealed that he’s put plans in place to try and keep the girls with him

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    Image credits: stephen8

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    Image credits: Brooke Cagle/Unsplash (not the actual photo)

    Netizens had lots of questions for the man, and he was happy to answer them

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    People had mixed reactions to the man’s story, but many advised him to get social services involved

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    Poll Question

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    Robyn Smith

    Robyn Smith

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

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    Robyn is an award-winning journalist who has produced work for several international media outlets. Made in Africa and exported to the world, she is obsessed with travel and the allure of new places. A lover of words and visuals, Robyn is part of the Bored Panda writing team. This Panda has two bamboo tattoos: A map of Africa & the words "Be Like The Bamboo... Bend Never Break."

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    Robyn Smith

    Robyn Smith

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Robyn is an award-winning journalist who has produced work for several international media outlets. Made in Africa and exported to the world, she is obsessed with travel and the allure of new places. A lover of words and visuals, Robyn is part of the Bored Panda writing team. This Panda has two bamboo tattoos: A map of Africa & the words "Be Like The Bamboo... Bend Never Break."

    What do you think ?
    Hidalgo
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If in the US and you didn’t formalize anything, even guardianship, OP doesn’t have many automatic rights. Preferable would have been for him to adopt the children, but this isn’t always possible. W/o even minimal formalization he can’t even get medical treatment for the kids or even sign school paperwork

    Beak Hookage
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    By his use of language my guess would be this guy is in the UK.

    Load More Replies...
    Beth Wheeler
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He needs legal help ASAP and whatever equivalent to Social Services his county has to get legal custody of these kids. He has been in their lives for 6 years and his piece of garbage wife abandoned them and her husband to go screwing around with other men and gambling. The kids don't want to see her and the little one is terrified of her. A judge needs to strip her parental rights.

    Gen X Feral
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I need closure! Man it would be so devastating for those precious angels to end up with that worthless excuse for a mother and her skanky boyfriends.

    Cee Cee
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Surprised his choice was to seek advice from random. Surely legal advice and social services would have been the sensible thing to do. Should have been done when the kids were left with you.

    person (i think)
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sometimes one doesn’t even know where to start or what is even needed. Asking random people online got him a few ideas and paths

    Load More Replies...
    Bryn
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why do so many people seem to be angry at this guy? He stepped up when he didn't need to. And they're upset with him? Are there steps that he could have taken? Yeah. But the thing is those kids were safe and well. Also, the second part of homeschool is school.

    Joanne Mendonza-Earle
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I worked in family law for 22 years and the court's almost always side with the bio parents unfortunately even if it isn't in the best interest of the children. I wish this man luck and hope he prevails!

    quentariel
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If someone knows how this story continued, please give an update. I really hope that the kids got to stay in their family home with their step-dad, but I fear that they've been given to their mom.

    Kathy Kennedy
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Get as many people involved - legal ( legal aid? )as well as personal and social services - to do research, home visits and statements and affidavits on your and the girls behalf to obtain legal custodial care or outright custody. There is something really peculiar going on with your ex, visit every 2 months +/- for 2 1/2 years and now she demands them back at the drop of a hat and that you be NC for a time? Have the girls been seeing their biological grands all this time or have they been AWOL as well. Maybe I've read too many suspense and detective novels, but could the ex have a dying relative whose bequeath has grandkids or nieces attached or is there a new boyfriend with an interest for whatever reason in having her girls around? There is something so incredibly creepy and off about the whole thing. She doesn't ease up to it by visiting them more often and getting reacquainted on a more lovingly involved footing, she cracks a whip on all of you. Good luck, hope you don't need it.

    Star-Light Star-Bright
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    His wife left him with 3 kids that he doesn't have custody of, and he didn't get legal help? And they're homeschooled as well? That could've backfire horribly. Heck, it still could. It honestly sounds like he was trying to hide this.

    Jessica Olson
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Honestly with her not around he probably couldn't enroll them in school...

    Load More Replies...
    Meagan Glaser
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Good grief, he couldn't be bothered in almost 3 years to sort out the whole single dad thing legally? Homeschooled them and just carried on pretending all was well even though legally he's gone off-grid with abandoned children? He's created a nightmare for himself. No way he hasn't pretended to be a legal guardian in those years, it's just nobody questioned it.

    Hidalgo
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If in the US and you didn’t formalize anything, even guardianship, OP doesn’t have many automatic rights. Preferable would have been for him to adopt the children, but this isn’t always possible. W/o even minimal formalization he can’t even get medical treatment for the kids or even sign school paperwork

    Beak Hookage
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    By his use of language my guess would be this guy is in the UK.

    Load More Replies...
    Beth Wheeler
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He needs legal help ASAP and whatever equivalent to Social Services his county has to get legal custody of these kids. He has been in their lives for 6 years and his piece of garbage wife abandoned them and her husband to go screwing around with other men and gambling. The kids don't want to see her and the little one is terrified of her. A judge needs to strip her parental rights.

    Gen X Feral
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I need closure! Man it would be so devastating for those precious angels to end up with that worthless excuse for a mother and her skanky boyfriends.

    Cee Cee
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Surprised his choice was to seek advice from random. Surely legal advice and social services would have been the sensible thing to do. Should have been done when the kids were left with you.

    person (i think)
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sometimes one doesn’t even know where to start or what is even needed. Asking random people online got him a few ideas and paths

    Load More Replies...
    Bryn
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why do so many people seem to be angry at this guy? He stepped up when he didn't need to. And they're upset with him? Are there steps that he could have taken? Yeah. But the thing is those kids were safe and well. Also, the second part of homeschool is school.

    Joanne Mendonza-Earle
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I worked in family law for 22 years and the court's almost always side with the bio parents unfortunately even if it isn't in the best interest of the children. I wish this man luck and hope he prevails!

    quentariel
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If someone knows how this story continued, please give an update. I really hope that the kids got to stay in their family home with their step-dad, but I fear that they've been given to their mom.

    Kathy Kennedy
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Get as many people involved - legal ( legal aid? )as well as personal and social services - to do research, home visits and statements and affidavits on your and the girls behalf to obtain legal custodial care or outright custody. There is something really peculiar going on with your ex, visit every 2 months +/- for 2 1/2 years and now she demands them back at the drop of a hat and that you be NC for a time? Have the girls been seeing their biological grands all this time or have they been AWOL as well. Maybe I've read too many suspense and detective novels, but could the ex have a dying relative whose bequeath has grandkids or nieces attached or is there a new boyfriend with an interest for whatever reason in having her girls around? There is something so incredibly creepy and off about the whole thing. She doesn't ease up to it by visiting them more often and getting reacquainted on a more lovingly involved footing, she cracks a whip on all of you. Good luck, hope you don't need it.

    Star-Light Star-Bright
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    His wife left him with 3 kids that he doesn't have custody of, and he didn't get legal help? And they're homeschooled as well? That could've backfire horribly. Heck, it still could. It honestly sounds like he was trying to hide this.

    Jessica Olson
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Honestly with her not around he probably couldn't enroll them in school...

    Load More Replies...
    Meagan Glaser
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Good grief, he couldn't be bothered in almost 3 years to sort out the whole single dad thing legally? Homeschooled them and just carried on pretending all was well even though legally he's gone off-grid with abandoned children? He's created a nightmare for himself. No way he hasn't pretended to be a legal guardian in those years, it's just nobody questioned it.

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