Stepmother Uses Toxic Discipline Methods On Kids, Father Finds Out And Tells Her That She Has No Say In How They Should Be Raised

The new wife's punishments are plain wrong. The kids are learning "my stepmom will physically hurt me" and nothing else. I'm just wondering how they got so far in the relationship without a conversation about discipline philosophies. She could have adjusted if those expectations were clear, and then it would have been obvious whether he wanted her to be around his kids for 7 years or not. The dad is partly at fault, imo.

Never really understood the logic of those punishments that involved consuming whatever it was you stole.... I mean, that's pretty much what I'd have been wanting to do with it anyway. Stole chocolate? oh.. as a punishment you have to eat it all without sharing. boo hoo. Stole a pack of smokes? here... smoke them all. As though you weren't going to anyway....... not once have I seen the same logic applied to anyone that has stole money though... no one seems to say to those guys 'well as punishment for stealing £20 out of my purse, i wanna see you spend it all in one go.. cause that'll teach you'.

As a step mom and just flat out mother....nope. nope. Yes you should have some say in the kiddos especially when living under the roof you help pay for. But being an abusive ass hat is not the way to go. Everything I do gets ran by dad. Everything he does gets ran by me. That's the way to raise children.

Did this man marry Miss Trunchbull?

Wow. I agree in general a step-parent should have some say if only to keep the united front of adults raising children. BUT, whatever happened to "go to room and stay there until your father comes home and we'll discuss it with him then." That way you have the right to "punish" misbehavior (sending child to their room) and you avoid overstepping, and it gives you a chance to get on the same page with the parent. I can't imagine you would know in every scenario what your spouse and their ex would want to do. I think that would just be the most general and basic way to deal with something until you could talk to your spouse. And her "punishments" were extra cruel. Child drew on their desk? Take away all drawing implements until they can demonstrate they will use them responsibly. Not permanently and you certainly don't rip up their things. That's retaliation and its abusive.

That’s not discipline, it is torture.

When you're the stepparent, you really have to discuss discipline with the parent before going behind his/her back. This story is completely unacceptable. That said, this reminded me of the time my kid shoplifted candy. I made her take it back to the store clerk, she was about six then and crying. I had hoped the clerk would go along with me in teaching her that was wrong, however gently. But the clerk was young and said, "That's all right, sweetie..." and had a hard time keeping a straight face.

Well, he came to the right decision (divorce) eventually, but I would have lawyered up as soon as she pulled that "silent treatment" s**t. She's supposed to be an adult, not a 12-year-old, FFS.

I don’t agree with the punishment at all. But telling your wife she has no saying in raising your kids is not ok either. I’m sure you expect her to love them and feed them etc. Hope she leaves you.

NTA! Good work on doing the right thing dad.

Child abuse! My heart breaks for those kids and how terrifying those punishments are.

So relieved thes father stepped up for the s**t abusive cruel treatment of his kids. No one should stay married to someone who doesn’t accept and love their kids from the previous marriage. I’m so relieved by this mans acrions and standing up for his kids. So many parents just don’t see or give a crap cuz they are worried about their “”new relationship” Snd leave their kids to fend for themselves and be third wheels. to any potential step parents out there. If you can’t love your divorced partners kids like your own with your whole heart then leave and go find your selfish ass a child free partner. Kids of divorce suffer enough and step parents are often not Interested in truly being parents to kids born from the prior relationship. At best they tolerate them, or tolerate them with passive aggressive digs and make them feel like a guest (my experience as a step kid). But this nasty woman was outright abusive and sneaky about it. Kick her to the curb & let her rot in melted chocolate

Before the update I was going to say YTA for not discussing this with your new partner and step mom of your children. After the upate, well... it's abuse, so Hello divorce. But seriously, can couples please TALK TO EACH OTHER BEFOREHAND???? None of the basic things: money, chores, raising kids solves itself magically via pure love. It needs to be negotiated.

How do you not have these conversations? My kids were my domain. All MAJOR decisions about them were mine. My new husband knew that. However, he was always encouraged to have a say with me if there were problems. He knew that he was joining a family already in progress. I knew there was no way to bring a new person in without some inconsistencies. I guess what I'm saying is, there were adults involved.

You expect this woman to live in a home with two children and have no say in their behaviour. YYATAH.

She's a sick f**k. Torturing kids is disgusting.

The FIRST order of business of people who couple and who have children from previous relationships is how they will each relate to these children. The children have NOTHING to do with the bad choices of their parents. Their lives are the FIRST priority.

Okay. She’s wrong for her method but everyone’s an a-hole here. She doesn’t get any say in the kids discipline? She’s your wife and partner. I’d be worried that since everything is so rosy with your ex that she’ll be soon ditched when you go back to your ex.

I always play devil's advocate. It's not like the wife is new and the children have been brought into an unknown situation. She's been in the 9 year old's life for almost his whole life. This is her house and while they are not her children she does have some say on how they behave, at least in her house. I don't however agree with causing any harm to a child in any way. I understand older generation has these types of punishments but it's really not appropriate now, especially seeing as how she could have seriously harmed the child by force feeding her. In a case where it was something that happened outside of the home, and didn't really have anything to do with disrespecting her or her home, she really should have allowed the husband to decide with his ex. Now... if the kids had scratched up her car, or done something personally to her I think a step parent has every right to discipline them.(1)

"Toxic discipline" is the new "abuse", apparently...

I feel like if her methods weren't abusive, she *should* have a say. There's 3 of you parenting now, not two. Why would you marry her if you didn't want her helping you to raise your kids? But like, the three of you sit down as adults and talk it out. Probably you come out of it with the same methods as before, but she'd feel a part of it and hey, maybe you'd all make a few changes based on her ideas. Of course, abuse must remain a hard boundary - but it still seems off that you didn't tell her THAT, you told her she has no say whatsoever.

This is abuse, no doubt about it.

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The discipline methods are consistent, not abusive and they work. Most step mothers would be onboard and happy that these sort of methods were already in place. Nope. Not this one