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16 Things My Colourful Wife Says
My wife is a very ... colorful person. Some might also say a bit of a firecracker. One thing is for sure, she's most definitely a strong bad-ass woman with even stronger opinions on just about everything. So I decided to create a little book of all of her best sayings (and even a couple of my own).
It's called "W.W.M.D." Because right before I'm about to do something stupid.. she always says: "Martin... Stop what you're doing and say to yourself: 'What Would Michelle Do?'. Here are a some of the pages!
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#1
"There's Dog Hair In My F*&^ing Bra Again!!!"
This happens daily and for some reason I get in trouble for it.
Final score:
45points
RELATED:
#2
"Martin, The Spoons Can't Get Clean If They're Always Spooning Each Other"
She has a bit of a problem with how I load the dishwasher.
Final score:
43points
#3
"I'm Hulking Out!"
She DOES NOT like to be hot and bad things happen when she overheats. Bad things man.
Final score:
43points
#4
"Did You Have To 'Wolverine' The Hell Out Of The Chip Bag Again?"
This quote is from me to her. I have no idea what chip bags and cereal bags have done to this woman in the past, but she shreds the holy hell out of them when opening them.
Final score:
36points
#5
"I Crack Myself Up"
She thinks she's really funny. Another thing she'll say: "Hey Honey, did you hear the "good one" I just said?
Final score:
36points
#6
"How You Like Me Now?"
She says this to me whenever she thinks she's outsmarted me. I always reply: "the same." It makes her so mad.
Final score:
33points
#7
"Your Face Is Killing Me"
This is a typical "mom joke". Every time I say something like "my back hurts" her reply is: "Your face is killing me". It's never used correctly and she laughs at herself every freaking time.
Final score:
33points
#8
"Technology Hates Me"
She frequently claims she has a chip implanted in her brain that instantly shuts down any electronics in her presence. It's truly unreal. Computers, credit card chip reader things, anything that technology has afforded us bests her at every turn.
Final score:
28points
Daria B 8 years ago
This one reminds me of a common occurrence happening world wide. Like... You have problems with your computer, you tried various non-dangerous ways to fix it. Finally, you decide to call a professional, or someone that knows computers better than you. S/he just opens it, and it immediately works. As if there were no problems at all. Sometimes it does really feel like our tech appliances are trolling us.
#9
"Hm Hmm Hmm"
She always hums her "I love yous" to me. See, she's sweet too!
Final score:
28points
#10
"Do You Really Have To Use The Biggest Plate We Own... To Eat The Smallest Meal We've Ever Had?"
I really nave no idea why she thinks it's necessary to get out the biggest plates in our house to eat a mini freaking quiche.
Final score:
26points
Nostalgic Hyena 8 years ago
I've been guilty of this before. And sometimes even the opposite - I take a big frikin piece of chicken but I don't even get a plate!
#11
"I'd Totally Be Laying On My Horn!"
This happens every time I'M driving and someone pisses her off. My favorite is when she actually reaches over and honks the horn for me!
Final score:
26points
#12
"Head Or Gut?"
I actually get options when she's angry. (she's never punched me.)
Final score:
25points
#13
"I'm Writing A F*&^king Letter"
Every single time something on tv makes her mad she threatens to send someone a letter about it. She never sends the letters.
Final score:
25points
#14
"I'm Going To Headbunt You!"
Try telling her it's actually "headbutt" and you'll be in for a 2 hour argument from her.
Final score:
20points
#15
"You're A Real Dumb Asshole"
Well, sometimes I can be a real dumb asshole I guess.
Final score:
19points
#16
"Did You Spray Those Pans?"
This is another quote from me. The answer? No, she never remembers to spray the damn pans making them impossible to clean.
Final score:
17points
Connie Martin 8 years ago
You and I would get along just fine. I always remember to spray the pan, and use foil in baking pans when that makes sense.
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What do you think ?
SykesDaMan 8 years ago
For once, the little illustrations below, make the drawings even funnier! :)
Bobbi Berryhill 8 years ago
i love your wife! she makes the best things! give your wife a hug!
SykesDaMan 8 years ago
For once, the little illustrations below, make the drawings even funnier! :)
Bobbi Berryhill 8 years ago
i love your wife! she makes the best things! give your wife a hug!
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