My wife is a very ... colorful person. Some might also say a bit of a firecracker. One thing is for sure, she's most definitely a strong bad-ass woman with even stronger opinions on just about everything. So I decided to create a little book of all of her best sayings (and even a couple of my own).


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It's called "W.W.M.D." Because right before I'm about to do something stupid.. she always says: "Martin... Stop what you're doing and say to yourself: 'What Would Michelle Do?'. Here are a some of the pages!

More info: Instagram

#1 "There's Dog Hair In My F*&^ing Bra Again!!!"

"There's Dog Hair In My F*&^ing Bra Again!!!"

This happens daily and for some reason I get in trouble for it.

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BobbyK 4 months ago

We have 2 cats... cat hair is a wardrobe accessory AND a condiment.

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#2 "Martin, The Spoons Can't Get Clean If They're Always Spooning Each Other"

"Martin, The Spoons Can't Get Clean If They're Always Spooning Each Other"

She has a bit of a problem with how I load the dishwasher.

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BobbyK 4 months ago

My point exactly!

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#3 "I'm Hulking Out!"

"I'm Hulking Out!"

She DOES NOT like to be hot and bad things happen when she overheats. Bad things man.

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Jean van der Merwe 4 months ago

I totally identify with this!

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#4 "Did You Have To 'Wolverine' The Hell Out Of The Chip Bag Again?"

"Did You Have To 'Wolverine' The Hell Out Of The Chip Bag Again?"

This quote is from me to her. I have no idea what chip bags and cereal bags have done to this woman in the past, but she shreds the holy hell out of them when opening them.

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Rebekah 4 months ago

Yeah, I'm on your side on this one.

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#5 "I Crack Myself Up"

"I Crack Myself Up"

She thinks she's really funny. Another thing she'll say: "Hey Honey, did you hear the "good one" I just said?

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Shanna Brown 4 months ago

I'm guilty of this one.

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#6 "How You Like Me Now?"

"How You Like Me Now?"

She says this to me whenever she thinks she's outsmarted me. I always reply: "the same." It makes her so mad.

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Shruti Naik 3 months ago

I like that you reply "the same"!

#7 "Your Face Is Killing Me"

"Your Face Is Killing Me"

This is a typical "mom joke". Every time I say something like "my back hurts" her reply is: "Your face is killing me". It's never used correctly and she laughs at herself every freaking time.

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Last Hurrah 4 months ago

Time to save face.

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#8 "Technology Hates Me"

"Technology Hates Me"

She frequently claims she has a chip implanted in her brain that instantly shuts down any electronics in her presence. It's truly unreal. Computers, credit card chip reader things, anything that technology has afforded us bests her at every turn.

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Daria B 4 months ago

This one reminds me of a common occurrence happening world wide. Like... You have problems with your computer, you tried various non-dangerous ways to fix it. Finally, you decide to call a professional, or someone that knows computers better than you. S/he just opens it, and it immediately works. As if there were no problems at all. Sometimes it does really feel like our tech appliances are trolling us.

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#9 "Hm Hmm Hmm"

"Hm Hmm Hmm"

She always hums her "I love yous" to me. See, she's sweet too!

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David Horchak 4 months ago

I think she just humming Campbell soup theme

#10 "Do You Really Have To Use The Biggest Plate We Own... To Eat The Smallest Meal We've Ever Had?"

"Do You Really Have To Use The Biggest Plate We Own... To Eat The Smallest Meal We've Ever Had?"

I really nave no idea why she thinks it's necessary to get out the biggest plates in our house to eat a mini freaking quiche.

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Nostalgic Hyena 4 months ago

I've been guilty of this before. And sometimes even the opposite - I take a big frikin piece of chicken but I don't even get a plate!

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#11 "I'd Totally Be Laying On My Horn!"

"I'd Totally Be Laying On My Horn!"

This happens every time I'M driving and someone pisses her off. My favorite is when she actually reaches over and honks the horn for me!

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Rosie Hamilton 4 months ago

I confess i have done that. Husband just too damned slow!

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#12 "Head Or Gut?"

"Head Or Gut?"

I actually get options when she's angry. (she's never punched me.)

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Ruth Baldwin 4 months ago

I thought she was preparing fish.

#13 "I'm Writing A F*&^king Letter"

"I'm Writing A F*&^king Letter"

Every single time something on tv makes her mad she threatens to send someone a letter about it. She never sends the letters.

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Last Hurrah 4 months ago

Just send the letter Y.

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#14 "I'm Going To Headbunt You!"

"I'm Going To Headbunt You!"

Try telling her it's actually "headbutt" and you'll be in for a 2 hour argument from her.

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Rosie Hamilton 4 months ago

Get her to Google it and save some time.

#15 "You're A Real Dumb Asshole"

"You're A Real Dumb Asshole"

Well, sometimes I can be a real dumb asshole I guess.

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B Meyer 4 months ago

No offense, but she sounds mean.

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#16 "Did You Spray Those Pans?"

"Did You Spray Those Pans?"

This is another quote from me. The answer? No, she never remembers to spray the damn pans making them impossible to clean.

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Connie Martin 4 months ago

You and I would get along just fine. I always remember to spray the pan, and use foil in baking pans when that makes sense.

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