My wife is a very ... colorful person. Some might also say a bit of a firecracker. One thing is for sure, she's most definitely a strong bad-ass woman with even stronger opinions on just about everything. So I decided to create a little book of all of her best sayings (and even a couple of my own).
It's called "W.W.M.D." Because right before I'm about to do something stupid.. she always says: "Martin... Stop what you're doing and say to yourself: 'What Would Michelle Do?'. Here are a some of the pages!
More info: Instagram
#1 "There's Dog Hair In My F*&^ing Bra Again!!!"
This happens daily and for some reason I get in trouble for it.
#2 "Martin, The Spoons Can't Get Clean If They're Always Spooning Each Other"
She has a bit of a problem with how I load the dishwasher.
#3 "I'm Hulking Out!"
She DOES NOT like to be hot and bad things happen when she overheats. Bad things man.
#4 "Did You Have To 'Wolverine' The Hell Out Of The Chip Bag Again?"
This quote is from me to her. I have no idea what chip bags and cereal bags have done to this woman in the past, but she shreds the holy hell out of them when opening them.
#5 "I Crack Myself Up"
She thinks she's really funny. Another thing she'll say: "Hey Honey, did you hear the "good one" I just said?
#6 "How You Like Me Now?"
She says this to me whenever she thinks she's outsmarted me. I always reply: "the same." It makes her so mad.
#7 "Your Face Is Killing Me"
This is a typical "mom joke". Every time I say something like "my back hurts" her reply is: "Your face is killing me". It's never used correctly and she laughs at herself every freaking time.
#8 "Technology Hates Me"
She frequently claims she has a chip implanted in her brain that instantly shuts down any electronics in her presence. It's truly unreal. Computers, credit card chip reader things, anything that technology has afforded us bests her at every turn.
#9 "Hm Hmm Hmm"
She always hums her "I love yous" to me. See, she's sweet too!
#10 "Do You Really Have To Use The Biggest Plate We Own... To Eat The Smallest Meal We've Ever Had?"
I really nave no idea why she thinks it's necessary to get out the biggest plates in our house to eat a mini freaking quiche.
#11 "I'd Totally Be Laying On My Horn!"
This happens every time I'M driving and someone pisses her off. My favorite is when she actually reaches over and honks the horn for me!
#12 "Head Or Gut?"
I actually get options when she's angry. (she's never punched me.)
#13 "I'm Writing A F*&^king Letter"
Every single time something on tv makes her mad she threatens to send someone a letter about it. She never sends the letters.
#14 "I'm Going To Headbunt You!"
Try telling her it's actually "headbutt" and you'll be in for a 2 hour argument from her.
#15 "You're A Real Dumb Asshole"
Well, sometimes I can be a real dumb asshole I guess.
#16 "Did You Spray Those Pans?"
This is another quote from me. The answer? No, she never remembers to spray the damn pans making them impossible to clean.