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Article created by: Justinas Keturka

Some people have wildly different understandings of masculinity and what it means to be a “real” man. These attitudes can put a lot of pressure on folks to fit certain stereotypes out of fear that they’ll be left out. When, in reality, “real” men do whatever it is that men do, from growing flowers to crying.

After going on a slightly bizarre date, internet user u/Bikini_baby767 sparked a candid and important discussion on r/AskMen. The members of this popular online group opened up about the times that they’ve been called out for not being “real men” while doing completely ordinary things. Scroll down to see what they’ve experienced.

#1

White mug filled with hot chocolate on cocoa powder, illustrating actions some real men would never do according to women Ordering a hot cocoa instead of beer. I love flowers. And I love to cuddle.

OldPyjama , Chester Toh Report

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    #2

    Modern living room with gray sofa, patterned rug, and minimalist decor, illustrating real men lifestyle concepts. A woman came to my house and criticised how neat and clean it was. Apparently, men don't live like that. Turns out her house was an absolute pig sty.

    working_class_tired Report

    #3

    Girl in high school told me once if I didn’t drink or smoke I wasn’t a real man. A teacher she liked (they were both Vietnamese and he had been helping her with adjusting to Canada) intervened and said that taking care of your health is what a real man would do….

    easythrees Report

    #4

    Young man sitting casually indoors, dressed in a pink shirt and dark pants, representing real men challenges from women. Wearing pink. Imagine being so insecure about a colour.

    gin-o-cide , Anna Shvets Report

    Stacey N
    Community Member
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Pink used to be a "boys" color.

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    #5

    If you don't do what a woman wants you to, she will try to shame you into it by attacking your masculinity. It's selfish, unkind and childishly, transparently manipulative. Stupid, selfish, childish women are not worth keeping in your life.

    yepsayorte Report

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    #6

    Man lifting a green velvet sofa indoors showing strength in activities real men would never do according to women I paid a moving company to move a bunch of furniture. She massively disrespected me in front of the movers, commenting about how they were "real men" (implying I wasn't). We are no longer together.

    Lucr3tius , RDNE Stock project Report

    #7

    Silhouette of a man holding an umbrella in the rain, illustrating behaviors real men would never do according to women. I can think of two weird things: for wearing a seat belt while driving and for using an umbrella to stay dry. Not the same woman, and the examples happened years apart.

    addeegee , Craig Whitehead Report

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    #8

    Man in a white shirt holding up his hand with palm facing camera, illustrating real men actions discussed by women. I rejected her sexual advances. Made me "girly" I asked another how she felt. That wasn't very manly either, apparently.

    Emotional_Load9735 , Monstera Production Report

    #9

    Not exactly a "you're not a real man" moment but close. I had a girl once explain that as a girl she gets to do whatever she wants and I need to make sure to hold down the bills and accept her decisions as the man. So I get the only restrictions in the relationship. We broke up, now I am married and welcoming my first child with a perfect woman.

    SKIPPY_IS_REAL Report

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    #10

    Woman with long hair and blue shirt gesturing with clenched hands, illustrating real men behaviors discussed by women. My ex-wife: A real man makes seven figures. If you can't handle me physically hitting you, then you're not a real man.

    Jiggly_Love , RDNE Stock project Report

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    #11

    Uber car with headlights on driving in city traffic during dusk, illustrating a typical ride-share scene. Because I called an Uber instead of getting in the car with her when we were both heavily day drinking on a 3rd date. Red flags aplenty all day while bar hopping.

    Expensive-Fail7581 , Viktor Avdeev Report

    #12

    Round eyeglasses resting on a marble-patterned box with a blurred plant in the background, highlighting real men topics. I went on a first date and when we sit down the woman stares at me and gives me a look of utter disgust and asks in an equally contemptuous voice, “Um…. Do you normally wear glasses?”.

    Swimming_Bag7362 , Dominika Roseclay Report

    #13

    I told a girl I wanted to stay at my 5'8 and 140lb lean build given I'm a competitive marathon runner. She said a real guy would be trying to bulk up and be as big as possible.

    little_runner_boy Report

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    #14

    Hand holding a Subway gift card outdoors with blurred background symbolic of real men actions discussed by women. Using coupons. She fully believed that a man should not use coupons. She said it embarrassed her, and often made fun of me for it.

    SecuritySky , Erik Mclean Report

    #15

    Had someone tell me it's cringe as a man to live with your parents as an adult, but it's perfectly fine for women to live with their parents as an adult as long as they want. Always been a weird one to me. Like, so I fall on hard times and my parents want to help, so I guess I'm no longer a man 🤷.

    tdyoung1989 Report

    #16

    Easy - I was engaged, she had a baby. We break up, turns out baby isn't mine. Her sister ran into a friend of mine and claimed I was the father of said child. When my friend pointed out that the DNA conclusively determined that I was not the father, the ex's sister loudly proclaimed, "A real man would have stepped up and taken care of the baby anyway!" Pure insanity.

    JerCH24 Report

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    #17

    Every time I’d call out my ex for being rude to me, she’d say “be a man. A man would just take it. Instead of complaining over a little thing.” Every single day she would say the meanest things to me and she expected me to just take it cuz that’s being a man. I found it ironic cuz I thought a man WOULD defend himself against a mean person. That’s what a man would do.

    RevolutionaryStar824 Report

    #18

    I didn't simply give her money whenever she asked for it. She deemed herself entitled to men's money - even if she didn't even know them.

    EverVigilant1 Report

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    #19

    Using moisturizer in winter and sunscreen in the summer cuz it's not manly. Heard this from an ex and my own mother. Also, I use hand gestures to articulate my body language as I was taught in my pulbic speaking classes, but that's gay and effeminate. Same culprits. One I was able to run away from, but the other one just makes me sad.

    Ok-Racisto69 Report

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    #20

    Ex wife told me I wasn’t a man because I “curled up” when I bundle up with a blanket on the couch.

    DM_ME_YOUR_NODES Report

    #21

    Showerhead spraying water in a tiled bathroom, illustrating one of the things real men would never do according to women. First gf said I'm not a real man for using a shower loofah to wash myself. She would just put soap in her hands and spread it on herself.

    teepring , Karolina Grabowska Report

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    #22

    Man driving a car at sunset, illustrating actions some real men would never do according to women perspectives. Because I'm not into cars. I think some look nice and some look bad, but I don't care what engine they have. I don't care how fast they can get to 80mph (there's no highway around that even let's you go that fast). And I don't care what rims or spoiler is on them. They're just methods of transportation to me, but that apparently makes me an undesirable non man.

    TehPharaoh , Tobi Report

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    #23

    Man showing affection to a cat by gently touching foreheads in a sunlit room, reflecting real men and their actions. Owning a cat.

    BourbonGuy09 , Yuliya kota Report

    #24

    Man wearing apron chopping red bell pepper in kitchen, showcasing actions some real men would never do according to women I wore an apron while cooking.

    Bikini_baby767 , cottonbro studio Report

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