Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
Family drama is something nobody is safe from. From discussing covid vaccines over Sunday barbecue to getting ready for your relative’s wedding, things can go wrong in a split second.
The latter has happened to a woman who had her wedding set for this year, but the engaged couple moved it to next year because of the pandemic. Meanwhile, her cousin has set her own wedding date scheduled just a day before the author’s, but “that’s a whole other story.”
The drama escalated when the cousin asked each family unit for $500 to finance her wedding. “I told her no because my fiancé and I are saving up,” wrote the author in a post on r/AITA. Everyone was left divided, and now the author wants to know if she was right to refuse to make the generous “donation.” Tell us your thoughts in the comment section below!
RELATED:
The author who’s saving for her own wedding refused to donate $500 to her cousin to finance her wedding, and now she’s not sure whether it was the right thing to do
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
Here’s the full story of the incident which left members of the family divided
Image credits: oogbach411
To find out what an expert had to say about this situation, Bored Panda reached out to Rhiann Janak, a professional wedding planner and the CEO of “Lucy Till French Weddings.” Rhiann told us that in her professional and personal opinion, “it’s tacky to outright ask for money from guests, even if they are family.”
“I’d advise this bride to downsize her guestlist and use the budget she’s saved or been gifted from her parents,” the wedding planner suggested. She also added that the couple may want to think of a destination wedding as a way to save money.
“Doing a destination wedding is often a way to save money on the venue costs as it is normal for guests to contribute to or pay for their own accommodation—if that accommodation is at the wedding venue itself, it can offset the cost for the couple. You wouldn’t expect someone to pay for your hotel on a vacation, and this is no different,” Rhiann concluded.
And this is what people had to comment on the whole situation
Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
Pervinca 4 years ago
It seem to me that reddit users are surrounded by people with a great lack of common sense. Usually, at least where I live, the parents of the couple are the only ones that are expected to help financially for the wedding. All the other guests partecipate in the gifts ( usually you can choose the gifts from a list that is plenty of items with different prices, or you make a donations to help pay the honey moon) but they are not forced to pay a certain price (usually the more intimate the relations with the couple the more you spend, but it's not the rule). I find pretty offensive to ask the guest to pay a certain amount of money (especially a so great amount, not justified by the lunch you will attend). If someone make this premise, I will not attend the wedding.
Dark.JuKo 4 years ago
No one should be EXPECTED to help pay for someone elses wedding. Not even the parents. If you can´t afford your own wedding, make it smaller or save money.
Load More Replies...
labaguette🥖️🥖️ 4 years ago
I really want her to say “Here’s $500.”, hold out $500 and take it back, saying “oh right. This is your donation for MY wedding”
Shelp 4 years ago
I was wondering if anyone would dare to say that they were, in fact, the arseholes, and most importantly what their reasons would be. But fortunately, no one did. How can some people be that entitled? Demanding $500 from each family member? That's beyond me.
JessG 4 years ago
Lol, I also scrolled down to see if anyone was crazy enough to call the OP the A-hole. I was ready to shake my head and roll my eyes, luckily everyone agrees, and I honestly don't know why OP even had to ask this question. I guess it's because some of her family sided with the cousin, which is not only sad for OP, but certainly could leave her confused about her feelings here.
Load More Replies... AnnaBanana 4 years ago
People who really want to get married will do it without the expensive reception if they can't afford it. Getting married is about pledging your lives to each other, NOT about the dress you wear or the million people you invite to the reception!
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
Well said. We managed it for about $300 (at the time), and the people I know who had the big weddings are on their third spouses. b/c it wasn't about the marriage. it was about the wedding. Oy.
Load More Replies...
JennyLaRue 4 years ago
That's outrageous to expect everyone else to fund the wedding. Have a wedding that fits your budget, don't make other people pick up the slack. I'm surprised the OP is the only one who said no, "no" seems the only reasonable response to me, and that response isn't impacted at all by their own wedding plans or savings.
Ozacoter 4 years ago (edited)
I had a similar thing with a colleague. We were.close years ago but i got tired of always needing to mantain the relation alone so we sort of drifted. A few.months before his wedding he sent a long apology, told me a lot of cheesy stuff about how much he valuated me and invited me to the wedding. I live abroad and had no job so it was financially a big cost for me. He said that i didnt need to bring a present (they expected min 100 euros cash). I was not that interested on going but i felt bad and I hadnt seen my friends and family in a while so i tought to go, have a good time and also visit my family. At the end I paid much more than the 100 with the plane tickets and the airbnb to stay. Not only he never spoke to me again after that day (so much for wanting to reconect). Apparently the bride was also badtalking about me to our friends because I didnt send them cash. F**k them.
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
My wedding even if I upgraded for inflation would cost less than $1,000 US in 2020 currency. So.... All this woman wants, IMHO, is a big show at someone else's expense, and that's not okay. She couldn't care less about th emarriage. TLDR: "BUT THEY ARE FAMILY" is not a reason to succumb to rotten things. Cousin wants big wedding, she pays for it, the end.
JessG 4 years ago
Honestly, it shocks me to think that people who can't afford it, still want to have an expensive one-day event. I don't even understand why even people that CAN afford it do that. Imagine all the better places that money could go rather than a single party. Sheesh, that must be nice to just forget about all the bills so you can get drunk and toss a bouquet and wear a dress for ONE day
Easily Excitable Panda 4 years ago
I'm just aghast at the whole wedding industry, and especially people who buy into it completely. I wonder at people who say, "It's my special day" or "The happiest day of my life" when it's the *marriage,* and not the *wedding,* that matters.
Pervinca 4 years ago
It seem to me that reddit users are surrounded by people with a great lack of common sense. Usually, at least where I live, the parents of the couple are the only ones that are expected to help financially for the wedding. All the other guests partecipate in the gifts ( usually you can choose the gifts from a list that is plenty of items with different prices, or you make a donations to help pay the honey moon) but they are not forced to pay a certain price (usually the more intimate the relations with the couple the more you spend, but it's not the rule). I find pretty offensive to ask the guest to pay a certain amount of money (especially a so great amount, not justified by the lunch you will attend). If someone make this premise, I will not attend the wedding.
Dark.JuKo 4 years ago
No one should be EXPECTED to help pay for someone elses wedding. Not even the parents. If you can´t afford your own wedding, make it smaller or save money.
Load More Replies... labaguette🥖️🥖️ 4 years ago
I really want her to say “Here’s $500.”, hold out $500 and take it back, saying “oh right. This is your donation for MY wedding”
Shelp 4 years ago
I was wondering if anyone would dare to say that they were, in fact, the arseholes, and most importantly what their reasons would be. But fortunately, no one did. How can some people be that entitled? Demanding $500 from each family member? That's beyond me.
JessG 4 years ago
Lol, I also scrolled down to see if anyone was crazy enough to call the OP the A-hole. I was ready to shake my head and roll my eyes, luckily everyone agrees, and I honestly don't know why OP even had to ask this question. I guess it's because some of her family sided with the cousin, which is not only sad for OP, but certainly could leave her confused about her feelings here.
Load More Replies... AnnaBanana 4 years ago
People who really want to get married will do it without the expensive reception if they can't afford it. Getting married is about pledging your lives to each other, NOT about the dress you wear or the million people you invite to the reception!
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
Well said. We managed it for about $300 (at the time), and the people I know who had the big weddings are on their third spouses. b/c it wasn't about the marriage. it was about the wedding. Oy.
Load More Replies... JennyLaRue 4 years ago
That's outrageous to expect everyone else to fund the wedding. Have a wedding that fits your budget, don't make other people pick up the slack. I'm surprised the OP is the only one who said no, "no" seems the only reasonable response to me, and that response isn't impacted at all by their own wedding plans or savings.
Ozacoter 4 years ago (edited)
I had a similar thing with a colleague. We were.close years ago but i got tired of always needing to mantain the relation alone so we sort of drifted. A few.months before his wedding he sent a long apology, told me a lot of cheesy stuff about how much he valuated me and invited me to the wedding. I live abroad and had no job so it was financially a big cost for me. He said that i didnt need to bring a present (they expected min 100 euros cash). I was not that interested on going but i felt bad and I hadnt seen my friends and family in a while so i tought to go, have a good time and also visit my family. At the end I paid much more than the 100 with the plane tickets and the airbnb to stay. Not only he never spoke to me again after that day (so much for wanting to reconect). Apparently the bride was also badtalking about me to our friends because I didnt send them cash. F**k them.
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
My wedding even if I upgraded for inflation would cost less than $1,000 US in 2020 currency. So.... All this woman wants, IMHO, is a big show at someone else's expense, and that's not okay. She couldn't care less about th emarriage. TLDR: "BUT THEY ARE FAMILY" is not a reason to succumb to rotten things. Cousin wants big wedding, she pays for it, the end.
JessG 4 years ago
Honestly, it shocks me to think that people who can't afford it, still want to have an expensive one-day event. I don't even understand why even people that CAN afford it do that. Imagine all the better places that money could go rather than a single party. Sheesh, that must be nice to just forget about all the bills so you can get drunk and toss a bouquet and wear a dress for ONE day
Easily Excitable Panda 4 years ago
I'm just aghast at the whole wedding industry, and especially people who buy into it completely. I wonder at people who say, "It's my special day" or "The happiest day of my life" when it's the *marriage,* and not the *wedding,* that matters.
Related on Bored Panda
168
76