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Thanksgiving Host Proud Of Her Dinner Menu Until MIL Decides Her Cooking Isn’t Good Enough For Her
When the Mayflower pilgrims were preparing to celebrate Thanksgiving centuries ago, they had no idea that the time would come when their distant descendants, instead of simply enjoying another year together over a festive table full of food, would bicker and quarrel. Alas, sometimes that’s exactly what happens.
For example, here’s a story from the user u/TnksgvngThrowaway567, who, along with her husband, prepared a whole bunch of food and delicacies for a family Thanksgiving party at their home – only to discover shortly before the holiday that the mother-in-law was going to bring her own food!
More info: Reddit
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Thanksgiving Day is by default the time for tasty food, friendly talks, joy, and peace – but sometimes all this actually does a 180
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author of the post and her husband were recently preparing to host a family Thanksgiving party, and did their best to prepare some really delicious food
Image credits: TnksgvngThrowaway567
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
However, right before the holiday, the husband told the author that his mom actually planned to bring her own meals with her
Image credits: TnksgvngThrowaway567
Image credits: Anna Tolipova / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author considered this a blatant disrespect to her cooking and hosting skills and demanded explanations from the mother-in-law
Image credits: TnksgvngThrowaway567
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The women ended up with a huge spat, and the author even threatened to uninvite the spouse’s mom to the party altogether
Image credits: TnksgvngThrowaway567
The husband called her petty and made the suggestion to be the bigger person and ignore all his mom’s whims, no matter how offensive they might seem
So, the Original Poster (OP) and her spouse, a couple in their mid-30s, spent a long time actively preparing to host a family Thanksgiving party at home. Together, the husband and wife decorated the house, planned the menu, and, of course, cooked. We won’t provide a detailed list of all the dishes and treats the author made, but let’s just say it right away – there won’t be a free space on the table at all!
And so, on the eve of the holiday, as our heroine was proudly planning where she would place each dish, the husband “delighted” her with news: his mother, a picky eater, according to him, was going to bring her own meals – and what’s more, she would only eat them! No, the mother-in-law wasn’t allergic to certain foods – she simply wanted to act this way.
The author saw red. She considered this blatant disrespect for her cooking skills and time spent at the stove, so she immediately contacted the mother-in-law and demanded an explanation. Words led to a real argument, but our heroine’s husband, who also didn’t please her, took a more neutral stance, even closer to his mom than to his wife.
The author, in turn, stated that if her MIL actually wanted to eat her own food for Thanksgiving, she should do so at home. The husband countered that the situation, in his view, wasn’t worth the drama and that he’d simply invite his mom over without making a big deal out of her whims. So the host decided to take this online seeking, firstly, support and, secondly, advice.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Well, many experts do believe that if the host doesn’t ask guests to bring any food, it’s best not to. Unless the guests have some specific food allergies, this dedicated article at Clise Etiquette claims. In a pinch, you could bring, for example, a bottle of wine or some sweets – but definitely not main courses.
The author of this article, published at Real Simple, asserts that it’s good etiquette to bring a small, no-prep breakfast or brunch if the guest plans to stay overnight. Perhaps some kind of appetizer or something of that sort wouldn’t hurt either.
“Make sure you bring something to say thank you for allowing me into your home, for inviting me in, so it can be some sort of host gift or whatever you have,” expert Elaine Swann, the author of “Elaine Swann’s Book of Modern Etiquette,” says on an NBC broadcast dedicated to Thanksgiving. However, the main idea of the holiday is always joy, warm communication, and love – not quarrels.
But this is precisely what arose in the situation described. The commenters here were also very divided. Some agreed with the OP’s opinion that her mother-in-law’s idea seemed like belittling her cooking and hosting skills. Others simply cited holiday traditions and urged her to put aside any resentment and just invite her husband’s mom, despite all her whims.
However, the OP herself noted in an update to the post that she would try to take the comments into account and rise above petty offence. “I will let her know she is welcome and will ignore her and focus on my other guests,” the author added. “I won’t let her ruin my day and will be the bigger person.” So do you, our dear readers, also agree with this? Please feel free to drop your comments below.
The commenters were actually very divided here, but the author herself then added, that she’ll follow the Thanksgiving traditions and invite the mother-in-law anyway
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What do you think ?
FreeTheUnicorn 15 hours ago
Why would it be humiliating that she's eating something different? If you've got food issues, the least disruptive thing you can do is bring your own food and don't make a fuss. Why is OP even stressed about this?
JB 14 hours ago
I’m wondering if OP is overreacting through the stress of cooking a lavish meal, which it certainly is. She has poured a ton of thought, time, love, money and effort into preparing a feast that she wants to be appreciated, then out of the blue, MIL morphs into a “grade A picky eater” according to hubs. But OP has never seen this behaviour prior to this situation; MIL has eaten OP’s food before with no apparent issues. Maybe MIL is having digestive issues she doesn’t want known. These are all rich foods. I don’t go around telling everyone (including family) that I have IBS; a flare up is embarrassing, so I would avoid almost all this food if I felt off. But from OP’s perspective it’s a sudden change and she isn’t convinced by the reason given, ergo, it must be a swipe at her cooking.
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FreeTheUnicorn 15 hours ago (edited)
Minor point cause I don't think it's important, but how is OP's partner's MIL not OP's own mother? Is it a sibling's MIL? It doesn't matter for the story but its like the riddle of a different parent is the doctor but I didn't get the punchline.
Ren Karlej 10 hours ago
Think it's just an error, it is husband's mother and the OP's MIL. I'd just let MIL bring her own food, probably won't be as nice and that's MIL's problem. No one is going to think badly of the OP in this if she just ignores it. It's the kind of thing that you have to rise above, to let go. In the scheme of things this is small beer. When I hosted when Christmas my BIL did this with my sister. Brought their own food, didn't share it, took it all home. It was odd and not how we normally do things. To this day I have no idea what was going on and seriously don't care enough.
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FranSinclair 6 hours ago (edited)
My son and i are "picky" AND have allergies. I always take food (different things bc were totally different picky and opposite nut allergies?!) for us, as to not inconvenience anyone. We just eat and enjoy everyone's company...we're just not eating the same thing. Id never try to up do anyone like when my sons gone to a birthday party, i wouldnt take mcdonald's to possibly make other feel bad but an almond butter and jelly sandwich type thing. Thats what usually happens at a restaurant? You eat different foods. I certainly hope i havent offended people. Ida said YTA to her question. If youre so tired and stressed why are you wasting any on what your MIL eats?
J R 8 hours ago
NAH. I have to say that's an incredibly extensive menu, and it's hard for me to imagine there being absolutely nothing on the list. However, some people do have dietary restrictions. Some are biological (gluten free, allergies, etc.), while others are self-imposed (vegetarian, kosher, halal, etc.). Regardless of where they stem from, I don't think it's wrong to bring your own food as long as it's only a dish or two. I used to be a vegetarian, and I would often bring a dish of my own. This way, the host, who prepared a meal with 99% of the guests in mind wouldn't need to make an extra dish just for me or feel guilty because I could only eat sides. Often I made it big enough for others to try, too, so as a plus, they got to try some new food. It sounds like OP's mother-in-law might not have restrictions so much as just be incredibly picky, but while I think she should expand her palate, I don't think it's necessarily wrong for her to bring a dish of her own.
Janelle Collard 15 hours ago
I"m of 2 minds: let MIL bring her own food and look like an @sshole for doing it or tell dear hubby his mom's not invited anymore. OP said MIL had eaten OP's cooking before and had *no* problems with it. . So what's her problem with the Thanksgiving meal? With all of the different foods, there's *nothing* she can eat?
FreeTheUnicorn 15 hours ago
Does it matter what the problem is? It can't conceivably matter to bring extra food to a meal. It won't impact anyone else. Let the woman eat what she wants it's a holiday not prison.
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FreeTheUnicorn 15 hours ago
Why would it be humiliating that she's eating something different? If you've got food issues, the least disruptive thing you can do is bring your own food and don't make a fuss. Why is OP even stressed about this?
JB 14 hours ago
I’m wondering if OP is overreacting through the stress of cooking a lavish meal, which it certainly is. She has poured a ton of thought, time, love, money and effort into preparing a feast that she wants to be appreciated, then out of the blue, MIL morphs into a “grade A picky eater” according to hubs. But OP has never seen this behaviour prior to this situation; MIL has eaten OP’s food before with no apparent issues. Maybe MIL is having digestive issues she doesn’t want known. These are all rich foods. I don’t go around telling everyone (including family) that I have IBS; a flare up is embarrassing, so I would avoid almost all this food if I felt off. But from OP’s perspective it’s a sudden change and she isn’t convinced by the reason given, ergo, it must be a swipe at her cooking.
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 15 hours ago (edited)
Minor point cause I don't think it's important, but how is OP's partner's MIL not OP's own mother? Is it a sibling's MIL? It doesn't matter for the story but its like the riddle of a different parent is the doctor but I didn't get the punchline.
Ren Karlej 10 hours ago
Think it's just an error, it is husband's mother and the OP's MIL. I'd just let MIL bring her own food, probably won't be as nice and that's MIL's problem. No one is going to think badly of the OP in this if she just ignores it. It's the kind of thing that you have to rise above, to let go. In the scheme of things this is small beer. When I hosted when Christmas my BIL did this with my sister. Brought their own food, didn't share it, took it all home. It was odd and not how we normally do things. To this day I have no idea what was going on and seriously don't care enough.
Load More Replies... FranSinclair 6 hours ago (edited)
My son and i are "picky" AND have allergies. I always take food (different things bc were totally different picky and opposite nut allergies?!) for us, as to not inconvenience anyone. We just eat and enjoy everyone's company...we're just not eating the same thing. Id never try to up do anyone like when my sons gone to a birthday party, i wouldnt take mcdonald's to possibly make other feel bad but an almond butter and jelly sandwich type thing. Thats what usually happens at a restaurant? You eat different foods. I certainly hope i havent offended people. Ida said YTA to her question. If youre so tired and stressed why are you wasting any on what your MIL eats?
J R 8 hours ago
NAH. I have to say that's an incredibly extensive menu, and it's hard for me to imagine there being absolutely nothing on the list. However, some people do have dietary restrictions. Some are biological (gluten free, allergies, etc.), while others are self-imposed (vegetarian, kosher, halal, etc.). Regardless of where they stem from, I don't think it's wrong to bring your own food as long as it's only a dish or two. I used to be a vegetarian, and I would often bring a dish of my own. This way, the host, who prepared a meal with 99% of the guests in mind wouldn't need to make an extra dish just for me or feel guilty because I could only eat sides. Often I made it big enough for others to try, too, so as a plus, they got to try some new food. It sounds like OP's mother-in-law might not have restrictions so much as just be incredibly picky, but while I think she should expand her palate, I don't think it's necessarily wrong for her to bring a dish of her own.
Janelle Collard 15 hours ago
I"m of 2 minds: let MIL bring her own food and look like an @sshole for doing it or tell dear hubby his mom's not invited anymore. OP said MIL had eaten OP's cooking before and had *no* problems with it. . So what's her problem with the Thanksgiving meal? With all of the different foods, there's *nothing* she can eat?
FreeTheUnicorn 15 hours ago
Does it matter what the problem is? It can't conceivably matter to bring extra food to a meal. It won't impact anyone else. Let the woman eat what she wants it's a holiday not prison.
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