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Nurses are trained to handle all sorts of situations in a calm and compassionate manner. But there some things that simply cannot be learned from a medical textbook. Long shifts, endless paperwork, and caring for gravely ill people are all part of the job. Unfortunately, so too is being on the receiving end of some very wild and unforgettable comments.
Patients can be funny, brutally honest, confused and even rude to the people tasked with nursing them. Sometimes, the only response is to blink twice and get on with it. Someone asked, "What's the most unhinged thing a patient has said to you?" and the answers ranged from hilarious to downright shocking.
Bored Panda has put together a list of the best unprovoked comments that capture the painful reality of working as a nurse who has to sometimes bite their tongue. We also reveal how violence against nurses is increasing. You'll find that info between the images.
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#1
as hospice nurse i told one of my patients i couldn't keep plants alive and she said it didn't seem like i kept people too well alive either
Nursing is often described as a "calling." Those brave enough to pursue it do so for the deep sense of fulfillment and positive change it brings to the world. It's not about the money or climbing the career ladder. The work itself is the reward. But sometimes, even a "calling" can become unbearable when things get too much...
Besides dealing with bizarre comments from patients, many nurses also have to endure long working hours, plenty of stress, their own mental health challenges, and more. According to the World Health Organization's 2025 edition of the State of the world’s nursing, there were 29.8 million nurses in 2023.
While that's up from 27.9 million in 2018, there's still a severe shortage of nurses around the world. The World Health Organization (WHO) notes that we need another 5.8 million nurses for things to run smoothly.
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#2
A patient always paraded that she went to Harvard & how she was better than everyone. one day, she was screaming for help & the patient next door said "call Harvard"
#3
I'm passings meds to my patient when his phone rings. The ringtone: Michael Scott going "oh god please no, no, noooooo." When it stopped ringing, the patient said "sorry, that was my ex-wife."
The problem, explains WHO, is the global distribution and density of nurses. "Around 78% of the world’s nurses are found in countries representing only 49% of the world’s population; high-income countries (HICs), which represent only 17% of the population, host 46% of the world’s nursing population," reads the report.
It adds that there are 5 times more nurses in the WHO European Region than there are in African and Eastern Mediterranean regions. This means that there's limited access to nurses for services like maternal and childcare, chronic disease management, and response to public health threats and emergencies in areas where it's really needed.
#4
My pt was so grateful I was there because the nurse she had last night was the most horrible woman and I totally agreed and validated that experience. I was the nurse from last night.
#5
"good morning sunshine" Then she saw the bags under my eyes and my rbf, gasped, and went "ooooh. NOT sunshine-y. good morning partly cloudy". nickname stuck until I switched jobs
#6
I’m a doctor. I was accompanying an 86 year old lady to the ultrasound department, who had multiple clots in the veins of her leg. The radiologist was scanning the lower part of her abdomen to complete the scan. This lady looks me straight in the eye and asks, “Doctor, is it twins?” The whole room burst out laughing. I had tears in my eyes, the comedic timing and delivery was so perfect
While the world needs more nurses at a time when many of those in the industry are considering leaving. 800,000 nurses took part in the 2024 National Nursing Workforce Study, conducted by The National Council of State Boards of Nursing (NCSBN). 40% of them indicated an intent to leave the workforce by 2029. "That’s potentially 1.6 million total nurses," the report warns.
It would appear that following a "calling" is simply not enough. The survey found that the top reasons nurses are leaving the workforce (aside from retirement) are stress and burnout, workload, understaffing, inadequate salary, and workplace violence.
#7
I accidentally let out a burp then said "omg I'm so sorry, excuse me" my patient looks at me and farts and she responds "got you back"
#8
My grandma coded on April 1st got shocked, woke up and said “HA APRIL FOOLS” to the doctors that just brought her back
#9
I was a CNA and I needed a nurse to help me pull up a patient who was sliding and he was Nigerian. We go and introduce ourselves and I tell her to cross her arms over her chest so we can pull up the bottom pad and she goes “Wakanda forever.” I still think about it till this day.
In 2024, National Nurses United (NNU) warned that healthcare workers are experiencing a surge in workplace violence rates nationally. A shocking 8 in 10 nurses polled by NNU said they'd experienced at least one type of workplace violence in 2023. And nearly half of the nurses surveyed reported an increase in workplace violence on their unit in that year.
“Working on a psych unit with 20 patients and two nurses, while being [a] charge [nurse]. I have been verbally and physically threatened. I have been punched, slapped, spat on, hit, kicked, and bitten,” revealed one nurse from Illinois.
#10
Had a demented older gentleman as my patient and I usually wore a nurse cap with long hair hanging out the back. I turned around to prepare a med and he says “mmmmmmm honey your behind is sublime!” I turned around, he saw my beard and started screaming😂
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 day ago
Reminds me of the occasional times my now-ex and I would be out to lunch or dinner at a restaurant - ex has longer hair than I do and it is gorgeous, thick, shiny, with a natural wave to it (all he does is use Garnier Fructis!!) Sometimes if the waiter approached our table from behind my ex and only saw his hair and my face/front, he'd say, "Hi, ladies, how are you--" and then he'd see my ex's (admittedly scraggly) beard and moustache and be all "omg I'm so sorry!" My ex usually just laughed it off, though XD
#12
I laughed and my elderly patient said "Nice teeth. If you was a horse I'd buy you." There's just no good response to that.
“Working in an intercity Emergency Room (Level 1 Trauma). I’ve been sprayed with OC spray from someone trying to flee the Emergency Room. I’ve been knocked over by a patient fighting against lifesaving care. I had another time a family member of a trauma victim lunge at me.... Spit on because a relative [passed away] and they took it out on me. I’ve had many episodes and they are getting worse,” said another nurse from Florida.
#13
Patient wife talking to her daughters "I have a hard time telling you're father (the patient) no". The daughters "we know, mom. That's why there's 10 of us".
#14
My confused patient asked me to pray with him, took my hands, and proceeded to rap the whole song gangsters paradise
#15
I have raynauds so my hands are always cold. I was helping a 97 year old pt reposition and my hands touched her. She flinched and proceeded to ask me if I was the grim reaper 💀
GenuineJen 1 day ago
The grim gripper? The grip reaper... I feel like there's a joke there but I just can't grasp it.
The NNU found that nurses across the United States experience multiple types of workplace violence on a daily basis, ranging from physical attacks to verbal threats.
"The three most common types of violence reported were being verbally threatened (67.8%), physically threatened (38.7%), and being pinched or scratched (37.3%)," reveals the report. Shockingly, Only 18.4% of nurses reported they had not experienced any workplace violence in the past year.
#16
Made me hold her hand while she prayed out loud for God to send her a nurse that knew what they were doing
#17
Had split dye hair while trying to reorient a dementia patient - she said "why would I listen to you, you forgot to dye the other half of your head"
#18
I’m a voice actor, but have also been a nurse for almost 10 years. Had a confused elderly patient, who was also completely blind, that kept firing and cussing out every nurse on the unit. When they had gone through all of us, and every nurse had been fired, I said “WAIT! I have an idea!!💡”
I then walked in to the room putting on a COMPLETELY different voice, and the patient proceeded to tell me how great I was, and how much the last nurse sucked. I was the last nurse. 😂😂😂.
StarCrossedFriday 1 day ago
So they must also have done whatever they were doing completely differently? Either way, a useful ability! It'd probably work on me too, I am completely awful with faces.
Some nurses have experiences multiple incidents of violence.
One nurse from Rochester, New York told the NNU that they'd nearly had their wrist broken by a patient who grabbed them and twisted their arm. The patient only backed off when someone else intervened. The same nurse also had another patient kick them in the chest. "Had a patient bite me and break skin," they added. "Had a patient throw their full urinal at me.”
#19
I have a lazy eye at a pt said "straighten that thing out when you're talking to me"
Svenne O'Lotta 23 hours ago
I had a psychiatrist whose eyes were at all times pointing in two completely different directions. It actually made it a lot easier to be open and honest with him since I didn't have to focus on whether to make eye contact at all. Very helpful, he was diagnosing me with autism and ADHD.
The NNU's report is filled with harrowing accounts from nurses. It stresses that safe staffing is essential to workplace violence prevention.
"Yet only 29.5% of nurses report that their employer has staff available at all times to respond to workplace violence and a mere 17.0% of nurses report that their employer places additional staff to reduce the risk of violence," it reads.
So while you might be amused by some of the bizarre things patients have said to nurses, bear in mind that what many are facing behind closed hospital doors is no laughing matter.
#23
I was a CNA and I went to take vital signs on this sweet elderly lady and she said "oh no sweety, I'm a DNR."
#24
“I’m going to sue you. I’m calling my lawyer.” (Please note the patient was 5 years old )
#25
"I'm bored" coded 15 minutes later
Rick Murray 23 hours ago
I'm coding right now on the other screen. Oh... not *that* kind of coding. Okey-dokey.
#26
When putting a patient under for a cardioversion, I told her to go to her happy place, and asked, where’s your happy place? And with no hesitation she said WALMART
#27
I have red hair and baby hairs. My hair was in a ponytail, dementia grandma said "Get away from me you WARTHOG" I'm still impressed.
#28
I got fired by a patient because my vibe was "throwing off her photosynthesis"
#29
Im a psych nurse. I asked: Do you have any thoughts to harm others?
pt replied" "Only on Mondays" (it was a Monday)
BarkingSquirell 20 hours ago
Probably a throwback to the "I hate Mondays" crime in Britain when the accused was asked why she did it.
#30
We work working on a patient, CPR on the floor , he collapsed on the floor in the waiting room, another patient put her hand on my colleague's head and stepped over the deceased patient on the floor ( across his waist) and shouted to the receptionist and pointed at the man on the floor and said is this ( twirling her finger at him) going to hold up my appointment?
#31
I had a dementia patient ask me if I was part of the upper class. I flipped my hair and said “no do I look like it?” He said “no. I was hoping you were so you could do something about that nose.” No joke 3 weeks later, same patient when I walked in his room said, “oh no. Not the nose lady.”
Sir. You don’t even know your name. How do you remember my nose??
#32
Asked me who the ugly man on my badge was, the ugly man was me with my hair pulled back
#33
I’m an interpreter and I was asking a mom to slow down so I can interpret to doctor and she said “and this stupid Interpeter is so slow she can’t keep up with a conversation “ I had to interpret that too
#35
Had an older patient tell me the purewick I placed on her made her miss her husband that passed away during Covid
#36
I asked a patient what pharmacy they use for prescriptions and he said “God”. I replied “Can you choose an earthly pharmacy?”
WindySwede 1 day ago
"And you still ended up here? Did you not sell your possessions as stated in Luke 12:22-34?"
#37
On the maternity ward getting birth cert info. Naming the little boy Allen. I said there's several ways to spell it..how are you spelling it. She states Alien. I said that spells alien. She corrected me and said I was wrong. She named him Alien
#38
i asked a schizophrenic patient how much he weighed. he said "idk. not as much as you tho" okay sir
#39
We were doing a skin assessment on a new admit and after looking under her abdominal fold, we found a knife. " I need that for protection "
#40
I was trying to assess my patient with dementia to see how oriented she was, she said back to me" since you asking me all these stupid questions i'm gonna ask you one. How many strands of hair do you have on your cat?"
#41
I’m an OT. I was once working with an elderly man with Parkinson’s who was once a very successful business man.
He said to me… “stick with me kid, and you’ll be farting through silk”.
If you only knew how much time I’ve spent trying to figure out what that even means
Shelley Colleen 1 day ago
It's an old Hollywood expression meaning "I promise you a life of luxury." It's usually credited to the actor Robert Mitchum, who supposedly used it to propose to his childhood sweetheart.
Shelley Colleen 1 day ago
As in, you'll be wearing silk undies because of me. Sorry if that was vague.
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Annik Perrot 1 day ago (edited)
It's rather common in French, if à bit vulgar. "Péter dans la soie." Means you have silk underwear and sheets.
#42
I had a patient turned on his side, he ripped a massive fart right in my face, turned and looked me in the eye and said "blew you a kiss"
#43
Handed me his phone and said "call someone who cares"
#44
Walked into my 5 year old patients room to let him know I was his nurse and he goes “oh great. Nurse long neck” 💀 I have a very normal neck length
#45
I asked a patient about their allergies and they told me they are allergic to adrenaline (epinephrine). When I asked what happened they said it makes their heart race. I tried to tell them that was kinda the point but they then spent 5 minutes telling me how I was wrong and it was a severe allergy and under no circumstances was I to give them adrenaline.
#46
When I was a CNA, I went into the room to help my coworker reposition their blind patient. After I introduced myself she said “oh no, you sound weak.”
#47
Had an patient with ALS. He had an eye-computer to communicate. He slowly spelled out “this guy sucks” took about 2 minutes
#48
Male patient: "do you want to lay down with me? It's warm, I peed a little"
Rick Murray 22 hours ago
You get this more than is sane in nursing homes. Especially the dementia patients that want to try their luck with "the cute young lasses" (sixty years younger!) but were only able to tell who is a nurse by the colour of their uniform. There's a reason we advised visitors not to dress in the same colours as us. Yes, I've been proposed to, by a guy, who told me I was wearing my dress wrong (I'm male, it was trousers). The trick is not to take it personally, they won't remember in half an hour.
#49
One of my patients told me I reminded him of a celebrity. I was like oh? He proceeded to say "yep. Wiz Khalifa". I am a 5'1" white gal.
#50
My dept had 10 nurses pregnant all at the same time. One of which was pregnant with triplets. One of our nurses who wasn’t pregnant was taking care of this guy who said “wow you have a lot of fat nurses who work here” she replied well everyone is pregnant. He then said to her “well what’s your excuse”
Lady Gypsy Rain 18 hours ago
Oooooh, please tell me that nurse needed bloodwork or a new iv line.
#51
Had a little, old, drunk man (looked like Danny devito) come in after falling and breaking his hip proceed to tell me that I look like I could pick him up and throw him over my shoulder.. that he’s into “sturdy blondes” (I’m 5’9”) and proceeded growl at me (trying to be seducing)
#52
When I was still in a nursing school, a patient was upset at his nurse and kept shouting “I am not a human being!” He was implying they were treating him like an animal. The patient next to him calmly asked “then what are you?” Patient stops yelling, looks at him and says in the deepest most serious voice: “I’m yo daddy foo.”
#53
My mom had a patient tell her that she didn't know why they were doing all of these treatments because she was going to pass away soon. My mom told that lady that she better not do that while she was on the clock
What do you think ?
Must Be Bored Again 1 day ago
I have one that beats them all! I was walking down the hallway in the wing where all the patients that were long care residents stayed. One of the sweetest old ladies that I had taken care of for a very long time, so I was used to her level of dementia, orientation, etc. She was sitting in her wheelchair outside her room and as I was walking by her she called me over to her. She said she needed to ask me a question. I, of course, said, sure, what can I do for you? She, in complete total normal manner. Just straight up asked me, “Honey, can you go down on me?” I, with as straight of a face as I could possibly hold, just answered her back, “Not right now because I really busy and need to go take care of a patient that needs help.” Discussion at the nursing desk following this, I asked charge nurse, “What type of job did she used to do for work?” They looked up her history and her profession was listed as hair dresser. I just said, “Oh my, must have had some back room specials going on!”
StarCrossedFriday 1 day ago
Classic 😅 I have one from the other side - I was being wheeled into surgery for my eyes (I was 9) when the surgeon asked me if I had any final questions. I looked at him very seriously and asked him 'what are hiccups, and what is the point of them?'. He answered me too - I just can't remember what he said 😭
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Apatheist 1 day ago
I'm guessing "coded" is their way of saying one of the words that keep getting censored on here. Perhaps we should all start using that (until they censor it)?
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 day ago
Appy - it does kind of mean that, in a way! It's an (American only?) medical/hospital term that means the patient has stopped breathing or that their heart has stopped beating. It is derived from the codes that US hospitals use to indicate an emergency over the PA system - e.g., "Code Blue on Ward One, Code Blue!" - they use the codes so that they don't panic any other patients or family in the hospital by saying "Some dude's heart stopped in the ICU!" over the announcement system. So when medical personnel says "The guy coded", they mean his heart stopped or he stopped breathing and lifesaving measures had to be taken (such as CPR or use of a defibrillator.) So, it doesn't entirely mean "He díed", since it's not always a permanent state and the person can sometimes be resuscitated.
Load More Replies... Must Be Bored Again 1 day ago
I have one that beats them all! I was walking down the hallway in the wing where all the patients that were long care residents stayed. One of the sweetest old ladies that I had taken care of for a very long time, so I was used to her level of dementia, orientation, etc. She was sitting in her wheelchair outside her room and as I was walking by her she called me over to her. She said she needed to ask me a question. I, of course, said, sure, what can I do for you? She, in complete total normal manner. Just straight up asked me, “Honey, can you go down on me?” I, with as straight of a face as I could possibly hold, just answered her back, “Not right now because I really busy and need to go take care of a patient that needs help.” Discussion at the nursing desk following this, I asked charge nurse, “What type of job did she used to do for work?” They looked up her history and her profession was listed as hair dresser. I just said, “Oh my, must have had some back room specials going on!”
StarCrossedFriday 1 day ago
Classic 😅 I have one from the other side - I was being wheeled into surgery for my eyes (I was 9) when the surgeon asked me if I had any final questions. I looked at him very seriously and asked him 'what are hiccups, and what is the point of them?'. He answered me too - I just can't remember what he said 😭
Load More Replies... Apatheist 1 day ago
I'm guessing "coded" is their way of saying one of the words that keep getting censored on here. Perhaps we should all start using that (until they censor it)?
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 day ago
Appy - it does kind of mean that, in a way! It's an (American only?) medical/hospital term that means the patient has stopped breathing or that their heart has stopped beating. It is derived from the codes that US hospitals use to indicate an emergency over the PA system - e.g., "Code Blue on Ward One, Code Blue!" - they use the codes so that they don't panic any other patients or family in the hospital by saying "Some dude's heart stopped in the ICU!" over the announcement system. So when medical personnel says "The guy coded", they mean his heart stopped or he stopped breathing and lifesaving measures had to be taken (such as CPR or use of a defibrillator.) So, it doesn't entirely mean "He díed", since it's not always a permanent state and the person can sometimes be resuscitated.
Load More Replies...
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