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Not everything in Australia is "upside down". Sure, their Christmas is in the summer and they might have a BBQ to celebrate it, but in some ways, they're just like us Northern Hemisphere folks. Our fascination with bad architecture, for example, is equally obsessive.

Turns out, the Irish, Belgians, and Dutch aren't the only ones shaming their native buildings on Instagram. There's an account called Ugly Melbourne Houses doing precisely the same on the other end of the world.

Taste is universal. I know. But ironically, it's what allows this online project to make fun of the houses it wants to. Here are some of them!

More info: Instagram

#1

Every Time I Try To Build A Custom Sims House

Every Time I Try To Build A Custom Sims House

uglymelbournehouses Report

#2

Amy's Winehouse

Amy's Winehouse

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Al Cook
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I actually really like that sculpture, it's just not right for THAT particular building.

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Nicholas Reece, deputy lord mayor of Melbourne, thinks the city is actually Australia's most interesting settlement for architecture and design.

"Beginning with the good bones provided by the Hoddle Grid, Melbourne has added some amazing buildings over the decades," Reece wrote. "The city has also produced some brilliant home-grown local architects and has a distinctive design culture, without the overreliance on international 'starchitects' like Sydney."

#3

Perfectly Pitched For A Neighbourhood Near You

Perfectly Pitched For A Neighbourhood Near You

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#4

They Forgot The Plaster Lions

They Forgot The Plaster Lions

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Jayne Kyra
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When you use the Sims 4 Mansion Baron "Purchase 20 Columns" aspiration in real life.

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#5

When A Friend Doesn't Invite You To Their House And You're Really Quite Relieved About It Actually

When A Friend Doesn't Invite You To Their House And You're Really Quite Relieved About It Actually

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However, the deputy lord mayor thinks that Melbourne may have lost its touch in recent years. "[We have] too many towers that are nothing more than spreadsheets in the sky, delivering a profit for developers but leaving the city poorer because of bad design and low-quality materials."

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"Too many buildings that are low-grade and bland when newly complete and destined to deteriorate into eyesores over time," Reece continued. "Tall towers that set out to be seen from afar but offer nothing to the pedestrians walking the streets of the city. Featureless glass boxes that could be in any city in the world, rather than a city with the character, style, and sophistication of Melbourne."

#6

How's Everyone's Week Been? Chaotic? Jumbled? Overly Complicated? Yep. Me Too

How's Everyone's Week Been? Chaotic? Jumbled? Overly Complicated? Yep. Me Too

uglymelbournehouses Report

#7

Proudness Doesn't Even Begin To Describe How I'm Feeling After Receiving This Piece Of Moderne Arte Collage In My Inbox

Proudness Doesn't Even Begin To Describe How I'm Feeling After Receiving This Piece Of Moderne Arte Collage In My Inbox

uglymelbournehouses Report

#8

Hang On. Wait... What?! Your Therapist And Your Massive Inflatable Santa Supplier Are The Same Person?!

Hang On. Wait... What?! Your Therapist And Your Massive Inflatable Santa Supplier Are The Same Person?!

uglymelbournehouses Report

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He said the city started noticing its flaws and began drawing a line, saying it must do better. "BHP House on William Street and ICI House in East Melbourne are both over 50 years old. Yet they both still look elegant and modern. They are great examples of how good design holds up and continues to shine over time."

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"Melbourne has long been famous for its beautiful shop fronts, especially along Collins and Bourke streets. We need to extend that experience to other quarters of the city," Reece explained.

#9

If Large Cars = Small-Membered Owners, What On Earth Does This Symbolise?

If Large Cars = Small-Membered Owners, What On Earth Does This Symbolise?

uglymelbournehouses Report

#10

Picasso's Lovechild

Picasso's Lovechild

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#11

Barbie's Dream House

Barbie's Dream House

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Samantha Lomb
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

this is cute. not the biggest pink fan but it works with the mid century vibe

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#12

Those Aren't Balconies, They’re Actually Hay Feeders For Giraffes

Those Aren't Balconies, They’re Actually Hay Feeders For Giraffes

uglymelbournehouses Report

He believes that good design is even more critical now if Melbourne is to retain its reputation as a highly attractive and liveable city as it emerges from the COVID-19 pandemic. Reece is also happy that the challenges the city faces aren't too big to solve. At least not yet.

"Melbourne's planning processes are quicker and involve far less red tape compared to other big cities. This is an advantage we need to preserve. But we also need to acknowledge that we need to lift the general standard," he said. I wonder if he follows Ugly Melbourne Houses. Or the person running it...

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#13

Colonel Pistachio’s Tudor Turrets Raise Up My Peppermint Helicopter Roller Disco Roundabout

Colonel Pistachio’s Tudor Turrets Raise Up My Peppermint Helicopter Roller Disco Roundabout

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Hannah Edwards
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don’t mind this half as much as the macMansions and the neoclassical nightmares.

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#15

Animal Print Is A Neutral

Animal Print Is A Neutral

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Random Panda
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This one looks fun! It's not something I'd do, but I like looking at it.

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#16

Life Is Just About Trying To Do The Very Best You Can Do With The Size Of Window That You Have

Life Is Just About Trying To Do The Very Best You Can Do With The Size Of Window That You Have

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#18

Cheeky Brick Butt Cheeks Wrapped In An Oh-So-Saucy Garter Belt Portico

Cheeky Brick Butt Cheeks Wrapped In An Oh-So-Saucy Garter Belt Portico

uglymelbournehouses Report

#19

Mary Poppins’ Lsd Dreamland Winky Wonky Summertime Lovin’ Peculiar Palazzo-A-Palooza

Mary Poppins’ Lsd Dreamland Winky Wonky Summertime Lovin’ Peculiar Palazzo-A-Palooza

uglymelbournehouses Report

#20

That’s A Serious Sixpack

That’s A Serious Sixpack

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Rose the Cook
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This one caused quite a fuss. Neighbours took up a petition to have it removed.

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#21

Intergalactic Evil Mammoth Boxy Square Bonnet Wearing Robot Worm Computer Mansion

Intergalactic Evil Mammoth Boxy Square Bonnet Wearing Robot Worm Computer Mansion

uglymelbournehouses Report

#22

When It's Only Wednesday But Your Column Just Thinking 'Bout The Weekend

When It's Only Wednesday But Your Column Just Thinking 'Bout The Weekend

uglymelbournehouses Report

#23

Anyone Got An Id On This LEGO Set?

Anyone Got An Id On This LEGO Set?

uglymelbournehouses Report

#24

The Hills Have Eyes

The Hills Have Eyes

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Al Cook
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's A LOT of retaining work, wouldn't want to be in one of those in an earthquake!

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#25

Your Dreams Are Like The Left Half Of This “Balcony”... Totally Pointless And Likely To Result In Horrific Injury If You Dwell On Them For Too Long

Your Dreams Are Like The Left Half Of This “Balcony”... Totally Pointless And Likely To Result In Horrific Injury If You Dwell On Them For Too Long

uglymelbournehouses Report

#26

All Roads Lead To Somewhere In South Australia

All Roads Lead To Somewhere In South Australia

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#27

Melborgian "Trying To Take Your Underpants Off Without Taking Your Trousers Off First" Robot Moderne

Melborgian "Trying To Take Your Underpants Off Without Taking Your Trousers Off First" Robot Moderne

uglymelbournehouses Report

#28

Everybody Who Lives Here Loves Maths

Everybody Who Lives Here Loves Maths

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Al Cook
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That appears to be a piece of cowling repurposed from a 747 engine. Interesting????

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#29

I Think They Could've Squeezed Another One In

I Think They Could've Squeezed Another One In

uglymelbournehouses Report

#30

Golden Graytime Jazzercise Spacesuit Jumpsuit Wangle Angle Window Panels A La Clipped Clop Shrubbery-Au-Go-Go

Golden Graytime Jazzercise Spacesuit Jumpsuit Wangle Angle Window Panels A La Clipped Clop Shrubbery-Au-Go-Go

uglymelbournehouses Report

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#32

How's Everyone's Week Been? Inexplicably Complicated? Full Of Giant Setbacks? Lacking Any Real Over-Arching Logical Thematic Or Stylistic Aesthetic Direction? Yeh Mine Too

How's Everyone's Week Been? Inexplicably Complicated? Full Of Giant Setbacks? Lacking Any Real Over-Arching Logical Thematic Or Stylistic Aesthetic Direction? Yeh Mine Too

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Gelato Cat
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I live in Melbourne these are everywhere! The keep nocking down 18th century houses to make fugly duplexes like this

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#33

Wizard's Spaceship Marina Rocket Discoteque Pants Hot Tub Balcony Time Machine Post Moderne

Wizard's Spaceship Marina Rocket Discoteque Pants Hot Tub Balcony Time Machine Post Moderne

uglymelbournehouses Report

#34

Are Your Friends Hassling You To Have A Big One Tonight? But You’re Feeling A Little Too Dilapidated Castle... Why Not Stay In And Relax. You’ll Feel A Lot Less Overgrown And Smelling Like Something Died Inside You Tomorrow Morning

Are Your Friends Hassling You To Have A Big One Tonight? But You’re Feeling A Little Too Dilapidated Castle... Why Not Stay In And Relax. You’ll Feel A Lot Less Overgrown And Smelling Like Something Died Inside You Tomorrow Morning

uglymelbournehouses Report

#35

A Short Time Ago, In A Suburb Not That Far Far Away

A Short Time Ago, In A Suburb Not That Far Far Away

uglymelbournehouses Report

#36

Exactly The Correct Amount Of Quite A Lot Of Garages

Exactly The Correct Amount Of Quite A Lot Of Garages

uglymelbournehouses Report

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#37

Don’t Forget People... You’ve Only Got Til June 30 To Make Your Home Giraffe Ready

Don’t Forget People... You’ve Only Got Til June 30 To Make Your Home Giraffe Ready

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#38

Incomplete Spacestationist Moderne

Incomplete Spacestationist Moderne

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#40

Cloudsome

Cloudsome

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Al Cook
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Looks like someone took inspiration from the MI6 building at Vauxhall Cross!

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#41

Mix N' Match Tiny Hamptons Picnic Time Active Wear Tracksuit Pants Moderne

Mix N' Match Tiny Hamptons Picnic Time Active Wear Tracksuit Pants Moderne

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#43

Sometimes The Biggest Risks We Take Are Those We Take With Our Hearts. Our Canopies. And All Those Other Bits. Everywhere

Sometimes The Biggest Risks We Take Are Those We Take With Our Hearts. Our Canopies. And All Those Other Bits. Everywhere

uglymelbournehouses Report

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Hannah Edwards
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How do people in Melbourne get planning permission for s**t like this?

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#44

Stay Strong Old Fella... That Concrete Panel Wall Is Probably More Scared Of You Than You Are Of Him

Stay Strong Old Fella... That Concrete Panel Wall Is Probably More Scared Of You Than You Are Of Him

uglymelbournehouses Report

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#46

The Correct Amount Of Massively Over-Scaled Balcony Addition

The Correct Amount Of Massively Over-Scaled Balcony Addition

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#47

High Tight Brick Pants

High Tight Brick Pants

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#48

Something Something Windows

Something Something Windows

uglymelbournehouses Report

#49

1980s Beige Tubular Trouser Slacks Columns Giraffe Compliant Accounting Conference Centre Post Moderne

1980s Beige Tubular Trouser Slacks Columns Giraffe Compliant Accounting Conference Centre Post Moderne

uglymelbournehouses Report

#50

In Life, Most Things Are Half As Good As You Think They’ll Be 50% Of The Time

In Life, Most Things Are Half As Good As You Think They’ll Be 50% Of The Time

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Ellie Rosser
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To be fair, it's a bastard of a lot, they were never going to make something both wonderful and workable.

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#51

And On The Eighth Day, The Awlmitey Created Faux Neo Baroque Open Roller Disco Porticos

And On The Eighth Day, The Awlmitey Created Faux Neo Baroque Open Roller Disco Porticos

uglymelbournehouses Report

#52

This House Never Skips Column Day

This House Never Skips Column Day

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#53

The Correct Amount Of Miniature Grand Ceremonial Arch

The Correct Amount Of Miniature Grand Ceremonial Arch

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#55

Nuthin Ron With This

Nuthin Ron With This

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#56

When Your Dating Profile Said “Homely”, I Didn’t Think It Would Actually Mean “Massive, Vacant, And Covered In Tatts”

When Your Dating Profile Said “Homely”, I Didn’t Think It Would Actually Mean “Massive, Vacant, And Covered In Tatts”

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Caro Caro
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You can fix this up to be beautiful. The potential ... Was this an old school?

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#57

It Helps Steer The Eye Away From The 50's Kitchen Table Laminate Facade

It Helps Steer The Eye Away From The 50's Kitchen Table Laminate Facade

uglymelbournehouses Report

#58

Look At You Four. All Dressed Identically. You Can’t Go Out Like That

Look At You Four. All Dressed Identically. You Can’t Go Out Like That

uglymelbournehouses Report

#59

How’s Everyone’s Week Been? Exciting With Lots Of Variety? Or Just Pretty Much Exactly The Same With Very Slight Shades Of Difference

How’s Everyone’s Week Been? Exciting With Lots Of Variety? Or Just Pretty Much Exactly The Same With Very Slight Shades Of Difference

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#60

Maison De La Razor Sharp Deep Space Accountant’s Lunchtime Workout Shellsuit Tracksuit Jumpsuit Pants Suit A La Angles De La Bangles

Maison De La Razor Sharp Deep Space Accountant’s Lunchtime Workout Shellsuit Tracksuit Jumpsuit Pants Suit A La Angles De La Bangles

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#61

Wonky De-Chopped Sandwiched Double Setbacked Hard Drive Second Hand Business Suit Robot Moderne

Wonky De-Chopped Sandwiched Double Setbacked Hard Drive Second Hand Business Suit Robot Moderne

uglymelbournehouses Report

#62

Giants Also Need Homes

Giants Also Need Homes

uglymelbournehouses Report

#63

Adidas Tracksuit Pants Moderne

Adidas Tracksuit Pants Moderne

uglymelbournehouses Report

#64

Business In The Front, Party In The Back

Business In The Front, Party In The Back

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Al Cook
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A lot of homes in Australia are built with a facade on the frontage and then plain brick on the remaining aspects.

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#65

The Empire Sets Back

The Empire Sets Back

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Beans
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is what's happening in my suburb. people knocking older nicer houses to build things that look like libraries or art galleries. Makes me sad and it's super wasteful and screams entitlement. Bricks are great and last so long and a lot of old houses were built so be well and just need some TLC To knock it down to get a modern look with cheap and nasty materials when you have a perfectly good house is nuts

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#69

Maison De La Triple Ripple Elongated Bo Beep Mansard Fairy Prairy Princess A La Lovingly Tended White Rose Promendade

Maison De La Triple Ripple Elongated Bo Beep Mansard Fairy Prairy Princess A La Lovingly Tended White Rose Promendade

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Random Panda
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This would look a bit better if the three arches were huge windows, from ground to roof.

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#71

I Can Pretty Much Do This Job With My Hands Behind My Back

I Can Pretty Much Do This Job With My Hands Behind My Back

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Michael Barry
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"We are the muses. Goddesses of the arts and proclaimers of heroes." "Heroes like Hercules!" "Honey, you mean HUNK-ules! Ooh, I'd like to make sweet music with--"

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#72

You Know When You Try And Assemble Something From A Box And You Always End Up With A Bit Of Some Type Of Roof Left Over At The End And You’re All Like "Hope That Wasn’t Important”

You Know When You Try And Assemble Something From A Box And You Always End Up With A Bit Of Some Type Of Roof Left Over At The End And You’re All Like "Hope That Wasn’t Important”

uglymelbournehouses Report

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#74

Seamlessness-Ness

Seamlessness-Ness

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Tee Witt
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Seems like something with a little age ruined by improvement.

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#75

Exactly Correctly The Precise Amount Of Just A Bit Too Much Of Not Enough Of The Least Amount Of What Was Required... There

Exactly Correctly The Precise Amount Of Just A Bit Too Much Of Not Enough Of The Least Amount Of What Was Required... There

uglymelbournehouses Report

#76

2021 Is Gonna Be All About Making Things That Look Like They Shouldn't Be That Complicated Look Slightly More Complicated Than Less Complicated Versions Of A Far More Complicated Version Of Their Most Complicated Self

2021 Is Gonna Be All About Making Things That Look Like They Shouldn't Be That Complicated Look Slightly More Complicated Than Less Complicated Versions Of A Far More Complicated Version Of Their Most Complicated Self

uglymelbournehouses Report

#77

Wavy Flagstone Spaceship Accountancy Surfshop Conference Centre Moderne

Wavy Flagstone Spaceship Accountancy Surfshop Conference Centre Moderne

uglymelbournehouses Report

#78

Like A Putrid Chocolate Milkshake

Like A Putrid Chocolate Milkshake

uglymelbournehouses Report

#79

Are You Struggling To Go Beyond One Word Descriptors For Fugly Houses You Encounter?

Are You Struggling To Go Beyond One Word Descriptors For Fugly Houses You Encounter?

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Al Cook
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think this will be ugly when it's finished, but I'm guessing it's in a suburb with a lot of older "character" houses, and a grouchy neighbour doesn't like the contemporary style of it.

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#80

The Best Amount Of Arches

The Best Amount Of Arches

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#81

Life Can Sometimes Feel Like You Are Dragging Yourself Up A Hill Sideways Wearing A Heavily Monotoned Concrete Render Suit Weighed Down By A Massively Oversized Entry Portico

Life Can Sometimes Feel Like You Are Dragging Yourself Up A Hill Sideways Wearing A Heavily Monotoned Concrete Render Suit Weighed Down By A Massively Oversized Entry Portico

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