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30 Houses In Melbourne That Appeared On This Architecture-Shaming Instagram Account
Not everything in Australia is "upside down". Sure, their Christmas is in the summer and they might have a BBQ to celebrate it, but in some ways, they're just like us Northern Hemisphere folks. Our fascination with bad architecture, for example, is equally obsessive.
Turns out, the Irish, Belgians, and Dutch aren't the only ones shaming their native buildings on Instagram. There's an account called Ugly Melbourne Houses doing precisely the same on the other end of the world.
Taste is universal. I know. But ironically, it's what allows this online project to make fun of the houses it wants to. Here are some of them!
More info: Instagram
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#1
Every Time I Try To Build A Custom Sims House
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#2
Amy's Winehouse
#3
Perfectly Pitched For A Neighbourhood Near You
#4
They Forgot The Plaster Lions
Jayne Kyra 5 years ago
When you use the Sims 4 Mansion Baron "Purchase 20 Columns" aspiration in real life.
#5
When A Friend Doesn't Invite You To Their House And You're Really Quite Relieved About It Actually
#6
How's Everyone's Week Been? Chaotic? Jumbled? Overly Complicated? Yep. Me Too
#7
Proudness Doesn't Even Begin To Describe How I'm Feeling After Receiving This Piece Of Moderne Arte Collage In My Inbox
#8
Hang On. Wait... What?! Your Therapist And Your Massive Inflatable Santa Supplier Are The Same Person?!
#9
If Large Cars = Small-Membered Owners, What On Earth Does This Symbolise?
#10
Picasso's Lovechild
Samantha Lomb 5 years ago
There are so few windows. Must be so dark inside if the back isn't all glass
#11
Barbie's Dream House
Samantha Lomb 5 years ago
this is cute. not the biggest pink fan but it works with the mid century vibe
#12
Those Aren't Balconies, They’re Actually Hay Feeders For Giraffes
#13
Colonel Pistachio’s Tudor Turrets Raise Up My Peppermint Helicopter Roller Disco Roundabout
Hannah Edwards 5 years ago
I don’t mind this half as much as the macMansions and the neoclassical nightmares.
#14
Caravan Of Courage
#15
Animal Print Is A Neutral
Random Panda 5 years ago
This one looks fun! It's not something I'd do, but I like looking at it.
#16
Life Is Just About Trying To Do The Very Best You Can Do With The Size Of Window That You Have
#17
It Looks Like A Shower
#18
Cheeky Brick Butt Cheeks Wrapped In An Oh-So-Saucy Garter Belt Portico
#19
Mary Poppins’ Lsd Dreamland Winky Wonky Summertime Lovin’ Peculiar Palazzo-A-Palooza
#20
That’s A Serious Sixpack
Rose the Cook 5 years ago
This one caused quite a fuss. Neighbours took up a petition to have it removed.
#21
Intergalactic Evil Mammoth Boxy Square Bonnet Wearing Robot Worm Computer Mansion
#22
When It's Only Wednesday But Your Column Just Thinking 'Bout The Weekend
#23
Anyone Got An Id On This LEGO Set?
#24
The Hills Have Eyes
#25
Your Dreams Are Like The Left Half Of This “Balcony”... Totally Pointless And Likely To Result In Horrific Injury If You Dwell On Them For Too Long
#26
All Roads Lead To Somewhere In South Australia
#27
Melborgian "Trying To Take Your Underpants Off Without Taking Your Trousers Off First" Robot Moderne
#28
Everybody Who Lives Here Loves Maths
#29
I Think They Could've Squeezed Another One In
#30
Golden Graytime Jazzercise Spacesuit Jumpsuit Wangle Angle Window Panels A La Clipped Clop Shrubbery-Au-Go-Go
#31
Some Cardboard Boxes On A Rocky Outcrop
#32
How's Everyone's Week Been? Inexplicably Complicated? Full Of Giant Setbacks? Lacking Any Real Over-Arching Logical Thematic Or Stylistic Aesthetic Direction? Yeh Mine Too
Gelato Cat 5 years ago
I live in Melbourne these are everywhere! The keep nocking down 18th century houses to make fugly duplexes like this
#33
Wizard's Spaceship Marina Rocket Discoteque Pants Hot Tub Balcony Time Machine Post Moderne
#34
Are Your Friends Hassling You To Have A Big One Tonight? But You’re Feeling A Little Too Dilapidated Castle... Why Not Stay In And Relax. You’ll Feel A Lot Less Overgrown And Smelling Like Something Died Inside You Tomorrow Morning
#35
A Short Time Ago, In A Suburb Not That Far Far Away
#36
Exactly The Correct Amount Of Quite A Lot Of Garages
#37
Don’t Forget People... You’ve Only Got Til June 30 To Make Your Home Giraffe Ready
#38
Incomplete Spacestationist Moderne
#39
In N' Out Under Over-Deconstructionism-Ness
#40
Cloudsome
#41
Mix N' Match Tiny Hamptons Picnic Time Active Wear Tracksuit Pants Moderne
#43
Sometimes The Biggest Risks We Take Are Those We Take With Our Hearts. Our Canopies. And All Those Other Bits. Everywhere
Hannah Edwards 5 years ago
How do people in Melbourne get planning permission for s**t like this?
#44
Stay Strong Old Fella... That Concrete Panel Wall Is Probably More Scared Of You Than You Are Of Him
#45
Robot Winter Is Coming
#46
The Correct Amount Of Massively Over-Scaled Balcony Addition
#47
High Tight Brick Pants
#48
Something Something Windows
#49
1980s Beige Tubular Trouser Slacks Columns Giraffe Compliant Accounting Conference Centre Post Moderne
#50
In Life, Most Things Are Half As Good As You Think They’ll Be 50% Of The Time
Ellie Rosser 5 years ago
To be fair, it's a bastard of a lot, they were never going to make something both wonderful and workable.
#51
And On The Eighth Day, The Awlmitey Created Faux Neo Baroque Open Roller Disco Porticos
#52
This House Never Skips Column Day
#53
The Correct Amount Of Miniature Grand Ceremonial Arch
#54
Dude... You’re Looking Really Tired
#55
Nuthin Ron With This
#56
When Your Dating Profile Said “Homely”, I Didn’t Think It Would Actually Mean “Massive, Vacant, And Covered In Tatts”
#57
It Helps Steer The Eye Away From The 50's Kitchen Table Laminate Facade
#58
Look At You Four. All Dressed Identically. You Can’t Go Out Like That
#59
How’s Everyone’s Week Been? Exciting With Lots Of Variety? Or Just Pretty Much Exactly The Same With Very Slight Shades Of Difference
#60
Maison De La Razor Sharp Deep Space Accountant’s Lunchtime Workout Shellsuit Tracksuit Jumpsuit Pants Suit A La Angles De La Bangles
#61
Wonky De-Chopped Sandwiched Double Setbacked Hard Drive Second Hand Business Suit Robot Moderne
#62
Giants Also Need Homes
#63
Adidas Tracksuit Pants Moderne
#64
Business In The Front, Party In The Back
#65
The Empire Sets Back
Beans 5 years ago
This is what's happening in my suburb. people knocking older nicer houses to build things that look like libraries or art galleries. Makes me sad and it's super wasteful and screams entitlement. Bricks are great and last so long and a lot of old houses were built so be well and just need some TLC To knock it down to get a modern look with cheap and nasty materials when you have a perfectly good house is nuts
#66
When You Really Need A Haircut After Lockdown
#68
Aqua Marina Moque Tudor Wizard
#69
Maison De La Triple Ripple Elongated Bo Beep Mansard Fairy Prairy Princess A La Lovingly Tended White Rose Promendade
Random Panda 5 years ago
This would look a bit better if the three arches were huge windows, from ground to roof.
#71
I Can Pretty Much Do This Job With My Hands Behind My Back
Michael Barry 5 years ago
"We are the muses. Goddesses of the arts and proclaimers of heroes." "Heroes like Hercules!" "Honey, you mean HUNK-ules! Ooh, I'd like to make sweet music with--"
#72
You Know When You Try And Assemble Something From A Box And You Always End Up With A Bit Of Some Type Of Roof Left Over At The End And You’re All Like "Hope That Wasn’t Important”
#73
Facade Du La Kit Kat
#74
Seamlessness-Ness
#75
Exactly Correctly The Precise Amount Of Just A Bit Too Much Of Not Enough Of The Least Amount Of What Was Required... There
#76
2021 Is Gonna Be All About Making Things That Look Like They Shouldn't Be That Complicated Look Slightly More Complicated Than Less Complicated Versions Of A Far More Complicated Version Of Their Most Complicated Self
#77
Wavy Flagstone Spaceship Accountancy Surfshop Conference Centre Moderne
#78
Like A Putrid Chocolate Milkshake
#79
Are You Struggling To Go Beyond One Word Descriptors For Fugly Houses You Encounter?
#80
The Best Amount Of Arches
Suzy the observer 5 years ago
If the railing matched the fence it would be a vast improvement.
#81
Life Can Sometimes Feel Like You Are Dragging Yourself Up A Hill Sideways Wearing A Heavily Monotoned Concrete Render Suit Weighed Down By A Massively Oversized Entry Portico
#82
We All Need A Friend Who's Always There To Temporarily Support Your Facade
#83
Just Because It Looks Like A Giraffe Doesn’t Mean It Has
#84
Kaptain Kraft Shingles Triple Stacked Soft Buttery Pastel Cheesecake Massive Garage Mcmoderne With A Side Of Unfinished Landscape Dressings
#85
The Absolute Bare Minimum Amount Of Quite A Lot Of House
#86
Gold Coast House Of The Year
#87
My Mate Dave Has A Tyreless-Less Devotion To His Front Garden
Joe Reaves 5 years ago
Recycling is always good. The issue is the bare ground. It needs something - decking, paving (although that's bad for drainage), fake grass, anything
#88
Name A More Iconic Intergalactic Retro Bricky Orangey Deep Fried Space Duo, We'll Wait
#89
A Prickly Situation Waiting To Happen
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What do you think ?
Aahzmandus Pervect 5 years ago
That's just what I was going to write! The only thing worse than some of these houses are all the cringeworthy captions above the photos.
Load More Replies...
Random Panda 5 years ago (edited)
Ok, there are a lot ugly houses here, I admit. But quite a few on the list are interesting, why do people hate creativity so much? And whoever made the list seems to have something against modern architecture in particular.
Tim Pillinger 5 years ago
There were a fair few horrible faux regency and Tudorbeathan ones
Load More Replies...
Ryan Deschanel 5 years ago
Some of those houses were totally fine, and some even looked good. OP clearly is columnoporticophobic.
Wandaluzt 5 years ago
Ryan, there isn't just one OP. They are copied from Instagram, some from years back.
Load More Replies... Aahzmandus Pervect 5 years ago
That's just what I was going to write! The only thing worse than some of these houses are all the cringeworthy captions above the photos.
Load More Replies... Random Panda 5 years ago (edited)
Ok, there are a lot ugly houses here, I admit. But quite a few on the list are interesting, why do people hate creativity so much? And whoever made the list seems to have something against modern architecture in particular.
Tim Pillinger 5 years ago
There were a fair few horrible faux regency and Tudorbeathan ones
Load More Replies... Ryan Deschanel 5 years ago
Some of those houses were totally fine, and some even looked good. OP clearly is columnoporticophobic.
Wandaluzt 5 years ago
Ryan, there isn't just one OP. They are copied from Instagram, some from years back.
Load More Replies...
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