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Twitter’s a pretty good reflection of real life when you think about it: lots of laughs, plenty of noise and outrage, and some oases of awesomeness here and there. Ironically, some of the best, most viral, and fun tweets out there can be found not on any of Twitter’s accounts on their own social media platform, but on their official Instagram page. Say what?
We’ve collected some of the most iconic, viral, and awesome tweets from Twitter’s Instagram account for you to enjoy. Upvote the crème de la crème tweets that you enjoyed the most and let us know why you liked them in the comments. And we’d love to hear all about the best tweets you’ve ever seen, so don’t be shy—share your thoughts.
Oh, and in case you were wondering: yes, Twitter also has a Facebook page and is on YouTube too. What’s next? Instagram having an account on Twitter? Oh, wait.
More info: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | YouTube
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Aragorn II Elessar 5 years ago
Nah you have to reverse it. If you think someone is waving to you and you wave back, and they give you a weird look and point behind you, give them a weird look and point behind them.
Depressed_Trash 5 years ago
Yes because I call cabs and then go to Poland
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RELATED:
#2
wandile dludlu 5 years ago
I wish I had a twin brother, we'd change our names to use the exact same names and then one goes to college, one learns from the other when doing assignment, boom, now we have a degree we can both use. the other twin would study something else if he likes or work. Basically what I'm saying is, we would pay half for everything
Allison Baker 5 years ago
My local cobblers is run by identical twins. It was 28 years before I discovered that Matthew was not his name but their surname. 28 years of wondering why he was sometimes friendly and other times very standoffish.
#3
Martin Kaine 5 years ago
Do you think he went into student debt to get his degrees, or did his mummy pay for it?
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MyrkurDragon 5 years ago
Sounds like all my art teachers. They were like 'yeah I studied here and did some other work after, so I decided to become a teacher here!'
Colin Mochrie At Its Finest 5 years ago
Hahaha. And NO phd. My almost 50 year old friend has the same degrees and is way overqualified and is very awkward and cannot get a good job! He has been out of good work maybe 20 years and has to be a dishwasher at his wife's work.
Truth Monster 5 years ago
Their career is in dead field...don't get too wrapped up in it or you'll be living with Mummy.
Kiki 5 years ago
Actually that's a valid question ! He could but he can also learn about it from another country. And the best would be to travel at least once there to see what it all looks like for real :)
Load More Replies...While thinking about one social media company having a profile on a competing social media platform is making my head spin and my nose bleed, it makes a lot of sense when you think about it.
It’s all about reaching out to the largest number of people possible. So not making an account on your competitors’ sites would be a mistake. Especially when they’re using your platform to promote themselves. And a bit of friendly rivalry is always a good thing for growth. Both personal, and financial.
#4
Kiss Army 5 years ago
Or the same body that used to stay up until 3 am and still show up to school...
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Harløw-Banditø 5 years ago
I read Harry Potter and the deathly hallows in 2 days. Not smart I just don’t do anything but read
Aragorn II Elessar 5 years ago
I’m an insanely fast reader. I once reread the entire Harry Potter series in a day.
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Kathryn Baylis 5 years ago
No, it’s not. Your brain is now on adult mode (e.g. too damn tired to think). You’d fall asleep at about page 10, then be too busy to read anymore. Ever. That book will end up joining all you other books, lined up on the shelf with permanent book markers in them showing you where you stopped reading them.
Aragorn II Elessar 5 years ago
See my response to Harløw-Banditø above. Never flex because there’s always someone better than you lol. I can’t wait to be one-upped.
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Jarno Flinkers 5 years ago
In middle school I didn't read. I always picked novels with a movie based on them. Now I love reading and hate movies based on those novels. Why is that?!
Bryn 5 years ago
Except it's not like that. When we were younger, we had a fraction of the responsibilities adults do. We were able to just go home, do what little responsibilities many of us had, and then spend time doing what we wanted to. But now we have adult responsibilities and adult problems cluttering our brain that we didn't have before.
#5
Anne 5 years ago
YES and then you both sound like constipated seals and can't stop laughing at that. God I miss that..
Foxxy (The Original) 5 years ago
and then one of you laugh farts which causes more laughter and the final cherry is one of you accidentally pees a little (Women who have had kids know what I mean).
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Mohammad Ammar 5 years ago
Or when you add things and end up killing the joke. I do that quite a bit lol.
Joshua Selbitschka 5 years ago
And then your sides hurt but you can't stop laughing because every little thing sets you off again.
pansexualandproud 5 years ago
me and my friend did this in class once. we had free time and I was bored so I decided to make a fun little harry potter quiz on an app called Quizlet. it had us put a definition on all the characters and things and because we are the stupid people we are we put stupid definitions on all of them. the definitions weren't even funny but we were laughing so hard for such a stupid reason it was like we were drunk or something. everyone in our class was looking at us but we didn't care lol
Liene Nikiforova 5 years ago
me &my sister used to do that when we were younger.. ahh, the times
#6
Veronica Vatter 5 years ago
One day my dad looked at my mom and went "we're getting married right?". And that was how he proposed...😂
Ragnhild Nilsen 5 years ago
The best kinds of love started as friendship. Then when the first and most hectic "falling in love"-feeling cools down you still have a wonderful frienship
Douglas Turner 5 years ago
That's how it'll end up, just wait. Really good friends, of course.
You could write entire books and research papers about why Twitter is successful. Some praise its accessibility and simplicity of design. While others point out that it’s a great tool for businesses to communicate with their customers.
Meanwhile, some people believe that Twitter is a place where strangers yell at each other and the lack of moderation degrades the value of the content by creating echo chambers. Though that lack of moderation has been changing recently and being replaced by stricter censorship rules.
Whatever you might think about Twitter, it’s here to stay for a long, long time. And it’s going to keep on picking out the most awesome tweets for us to enjoy. You can be sure Twitter’ll be sharing them. On Instagram.
#7
Kim 5 years ago (edited)
My daily talk with my cat: 1. You’re cute. 2. Oh I’m sorry you’re handsome. 3. You’re my baby kitten floof floof. 4. Yea yea I’m sorry again. I mean you’re a fiesty lion of course. 5. Do you remember when I saved your life? 6. Yes, I remember that I owe you food. I’ll get it right away.
Bettye McKee 5 years ago
Yes, same here, daily. But I get the stink eye if I say cute; I have to say he's handsome.
Marnie 5 years ago
OMG, back in the 80s, I dated this hard-core punk rocker dude. I'm talking mohawk, wearing leather paints, eyeliner and no shirt. He drew and painted on his bedroom walls, went to mosh pits, etc. Get him home around his dog, and it was, "Who's the sweet little baby? C'mere, oh, who's the custest thing on the planet" etc. etc.
#8
Christian Bradshaw 5 years ago
And then I hit shuffle a million times trying to get the right song, but just tapping it is cheating
GV Martinez-Williams 5 years ago
I can't stand limits on my music, so I pay for Spotify Premium. We're all have our priorities.
Philly Bob Squires 5 years ago (edited)
Put 300 of my favorite songs on a USB stick for my car and the damned thing never plays one that I like!
Donna Rakowiecki 5 years ago
I can't figure out how to delete the music that I get sick of on an iPad it doesn't look like there's a way
#9
hydrostatic joints 5 years ago
Yup, I recently caught my dad looking out the window with the dog and telling her what everything was. Like, "This is a tree" or "There is a cloud."
FurryPotatoCat 5 years ago
this is 100% true. My dad didn't want to keep the cat we took in, the next day its "Shh! Willow is sleeping! Don't wake her up!"
Hailey Scullen-Miller 5 years ago
lol my minx cat Bob, (get it?) he didnt want him at first cos he was a completely wild scrawny dirty thing literally from the woods, but then Bob fell in love with his cowboy hat........ now Bob hates him tho lmao
BlackLabOwner 4 years ago
Ahh the common case of obvious lies and what they do when you are not looking
#10
🧈Beanie the Dog🧈 5 years ago
What about BP? No one really talks about their life here. Not that much...
A Dumbo Octopus 5 years ago
As someone who got a tumblr not to long ago, can confirm, I've seen the bone askings
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troufaki13 5 years ago
Also Tik Tok. It has boosted my confidence and I learned some pretty cool stuff
Diana Cartwright 5 years ago
just quit lying to yourself and join us on 9gag. You know you want to!
David Albro 2 years ago
That's why the young people are drawn to such a clunky, limited format! Thank you, now I know!
#11
#12
Tenley Samson 5 years ago
i just learnd about this thing called strawberry soup and erig uaif elgg it sounds so gross but apperentally people like it
#13
Tatjana Peskir 5 years ago
and get this: herbal tea tastes even rounder! it has to do with changed viscosity.
#14
Claire 5 years ago
Barely any turkeys raised to be eaten have 'awesome' lives. You'd likely just see a video of hundreds of birds crowded into a filthy and disgusting building, suffering and being miserable, and THEN a traumatic end.
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Philly Bob Squires 5 years ago
I put in a pizza once and it played a movie about my cats, my loneliness and why I'm single.
Agent of Karma 2 years ago
I assume for some reason it's a slice of turkey sandwich meat, which means it's made of more than one turkey and many deaths.
#15
Draga Millani 5 years ago
wait what does that stand for? I upvoted bc everyone else did and people on here have a good sense of humor lmao
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James Colon 5 years ago
they're only like the kids that ask what to do, AFTER the teacher explains what to do AND how to do it.
ChiLe FLaKe 5 years ago
Citations are due to the lack of confidence they have on you. Zero trust had basically, that's kind of sad.
Load More Replies... Vikram Bedi 5 years ago
The way my conversations get off track...a conclusion Is very necessary...😂
David Albro 2 years ago
As Jerry Hicks said, "Tell them what you're gonna tell them, tell them, and then tell them what you told them."
#16
Idaaoyama 5 years ago
That is so my mom an me :D Then I open the task manager, force quit the unresponsive program, and suddenly I am Hackerman.
Jarno Flinkers 5 years ago
My parents don't even try anymore and just ask me to do their tasks. They want me to print out their emails like they are some kind of cave people.
Bored Reader 5 years ago
Yep... my daughter, who is an adult now - will threaten to "change the WiFi password" if I decide to stay up late - on a work nite.
#17
Anne Reid 5 years ago
I do that so my friends’ dogs don’t freak out barking. Skip straight to the joy part.
wandile dludlu 5 years ago
That's why there are Ring doorbells now that actually text you when someone is at your door... Millennials didn't kill the industry, it made it better
Sorican 5 years ago
do you really want to trust that Ring isn't creeping on you and your friends, though?
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Vikram Bedi 5 years ago
The courier guys ... call my number from outside the house asking if they should ring the bell...
#18
Jacob Eirikson 5 years ago
I feel this dude. ONE TIME I put a background photo on for her and now it always comes up. I was 8 at the time.
Downunderdude 5 years ago
According to my mum, I could fix ANYTHING because I once set the time on her new clock radio WITHOUT READING THE MANUAL. Yes, girls, form an orderly line, please and no pushing.
Clever Dog 5 years ago
my whole family think Im an IT genius because I "fixed" a few things simply by typing how to... into Google and following instructions
#19
Hans 5 years ago
Frankly, email providers are not totally relyable services, and chances are this mailbox sometimes received an email saying "If you do not respond within 30 days, we assume it is all right if we delete any emails older than six months". The idea is charming, but better use an offline archive with a second copy online. (This applies to anything important.)
Catlady6000 5 years ago
Yep. For some reason, Gmail is deleting emails older than three months on some accounts. Unless it went to spam, I never received any notice of this and lost some pretty important business emails as a result. I have to get a subpoena just to retrieve them.
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Dorothy Parker 5 years ago
That young man will have a lifetime of wonder memories, also thousands of ads for erectile dysfunction, hot girls, hot boys, and problems with the Apple Macbook that he's never owned.
Cynthia Humphreys 5 years ago
At the rate were going there probably won't be an "email" by then.
GV Martinez-Williams 5 years ago
I've several email accounts but the only one I trust with long term anything is my Hotmail. Yeah it dates me, but it still going strong.
Courtney Christelle 5 years ago
I write my son letters containing words of wisdom and stuff that I just can't say yet, just incase I die young so he can still have those moments with me even if I'm not there.
Diana Cartwright 5 years ago
I started a sort of time capsule at my gawab.com email. I LOVED gawab. Gawab died. I miss Gawab. My time capsule :(
Lisa Taylor 2 years ago
We created emails for our children. Best idea ever. Every other person their age has numbers, while they are Firstname.Surname@provider.com and it's not Gmail. Excellent for job applications.
David Albro 2 years ago
I have the same email address since the late 90s. That sort of the same thing. Lol
#20
Isabel Care 5 years ago
Mine got a procrastinator with great organizing skills. I would set out all the books for my homework in the order I would need them, after working out what had to be done first....then I would zone out for 3 or 4 hours, or even fall asleep at the table (1980s)
Ben Steinberg 5 years ago
I was going to say this but then my mum reminded me that she put off raising me until later...
#21
Shull GaRett 5 years ago
Well... that may on occasion define my level of flirting capabilities...
#22
Foxxy (The Original) 5 years ago
I am not a morning person. I am also not a night or day person either lol.
Kathryn Baylis 5 years ago
Silence is for the drive in, music is for the drive home. Pretty sure you already know why.
Jaybird3939 5 years ago
I wonder why someone broke in to my car and all they did was turn up the volume on the radio
Philly Bob Squires 5 years ago
The later it gets, the more deaf I become... at daybreak... I have the hearing of a dog and a radio like a bullhorn.
MERCI LANGSTON 5 years ago (edited)
This used to happen to me all the time. I would try to listen to the radio while everyone was asleep. Little did I know the volume was all the way up.
#23
Robert Thornburrow 5 years ago
One cup for each ball, but where does one place one's sausage? Let it hang free? I think I'll stick to jeans, thank you all the same.
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Willem Groenewald 5 years ago
I'm sitting here with my jeans on, it is almost 10 pm. Just too lazy to change my pants.
Kathryn Baylis 5 years ago
Yoga pants and tee shirt has pretty much become my uniform. Closest thing to pajamas that doesn’t look like pajamas, so is completely acceptable to wear to the store on your once a week shopping trip—-which used to happen more often, and after work in heels instead of sneakers.
M O'Connell 5 years ago
I refuse to wear uncomfortable clothing for someone else's benefit. I think the larger question is why are your pants so uncomfortable that you can't chill in them?
Malinda Petersen 5 years ago
I live in jeans. WE are in a rural area and winter is chilly. Jeans can pass for almost any occassion here!
#24
Nikki Sevven 5 years ago
When I do that, I feel like the disapproving librarian glaring at people to hush them.
Luther von Wolfen 5 years ago
Aging Gen X'er, reflecting on the frustration and anger of early grunge music and thinking "Well, we were right about that...."
#25
🧈Beanie the Dog🧈 5 years ago
One time, I texted my friend that I missed her. The next morning I was woken up by her spamming “WHY NOT WE MEET UP SOMETIME? WE ONLY LIVE A FEW HOURS AWAY!”. My girlfriend threatened to throw my phone in the ocean if I didn’t silence it lol.
marianne eliza 5 years ago
A video call requires forethought and personal grooming. And clothes.
#26
Hailey Scullen-Miller 5 years ago
buy 1,372 ultra-large, get one ounce FREE!
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Roxy Eastland 5 years ago
DH and I have a word for this. We call it crickling. This is after I went to Cricklewood and a friend asked me what a crickle is. I'd spent my spare time buying nonsense because it was "only" £2.50 etc until I'd spent the amount I couldn't afford to spend on a new shirt. So a crickle is something the tempts you to spend small amounts of money until you've spent more than you can afford.
Marvin HeartofGold 5 years ago
I did that with a panini press recently and it's one of the greatest $5 I've ever spent.
Philly Bob Squires 5 years ago
And 100 $5.00 Walmart sweatshirts... which I always wind up either leaving at the bar or the girls take them.
Charlie Anderson 5 years ago
It has cost about 5000 dollars and has helped me gain 30 pounds....
#27
Stack o' Pancakes 5 years ago
I just.... xdfgvbhjkljlhubty and that's what my files are called.
🧈Beanie the Dog🧈 5 years ago
I can’t relate. I name mine stuff like “Evil_Kitten_Dressedup_BabyYoda12” so I know what I’m looking for.
Aly The Pansexual 5 years ago (edited)
Mine off the top of my head are: I wish I could draw, A thousand years later, Yes we do stan yes queen, No talk, Unsee Juice, More unsee juice, S L U R P.
James Colon 5 years ago
and then you have to reinstall or redownload because you forget what it was named as and you name it something you'll actually remember.
#28
Dorothy Parker 5 years ago (edited)
The real answer is "Do you like onesies and breast pumps?"
M O'Connell 5 years ago
All I can say is, be careful who you ask that question to. The internet is a strange place.
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François Carré 5 years ago
Ask you mom to throw a gender reveal party and burn some acres while you're at it.
#29
Edgar Rops 5 years ago
Some of them remain obsessed with horses and spread it around.
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Banjo Peppers 5 years ago
Relatable, my old friend who wore cat ears and a choker with a bell on it is married, another friend who was of the “naive nerd” variety is married with a kid, and I’m just getting farted on by dogs,
#30
Edgar Rops 5 years ago
Well, there are just things and, you know, things, if you understand what I mean...
Marvin HeartofGold 5 years ago
That's my husband and lockdown is driving him crazy. Meanwhile I'm grateful for the $ we've saved this year by not having to go to every damn art or food fair in the bi-state region.
Maren Walters 5 years ago
Then you need to meet my dad he says weekends are not for sleeping in but doing things
#31
David Martin 5 years ago
Luke warm is the temperature inside of a Taun-Taun on the ice planet Hoth (I’ll show myself out)
Mohammad Ammar 5 years ago
Luke probably thought he was special until you ruined it for him.haha
Thenatural 5 years ago
My daughter Lily thought the lily pads in Kew Gardens belonged to her and got angry with other kids for touching them
marianne eliza 5 years ago
My dad, when little, always thought the park Yosemite actually meant that it was "his-sem-i-tea" so he called it My-sem-i-tee. They went at least once every year starting in 1929. It's changed a lot since then.
chi-wei shen 5 years ago
Sometimes it could be use for beer in the UK. "Sir, is your beer lukewarm enough?"
#32
Bob Belcher 5 years ago
That much caffeine and pizza rolls I would be surprised if you're stomach has exploded.
#33
Hehehehehehehehe 5 years ago
Like that one post about how people call their pets fur-babies but APPARENTLY you can’t call your children skin-puppies.
#34
MiaOokami 5 years ago
The daily show has a podcast. It's literally just the daily show but without the visuals.
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marianne eliza 5 years ago
"Dude, we should..." is the boomer version of "Let's put on a show!" a la Judy Garland and Mickey Rooney.
#35
Ty Stratton-Quirk 5 years ago
In hindsight, the tipping point may have been when they asked why I was out here and I responded, 'Just for the halibut.'
Andrew Gibb 5 years ago
It is not my plaice to say, but here is something fishy about that story.
Hollysmom 5 years ago
Right there with you. The lack of correct spelling, grammar and vocabulary drives me crazy.
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#37
Danieletc 5 years ago
Older brother pretended to be very careful about slicing off the crust part at the counter, held the bread part to my younger brother, said "How's that?" The 4yo younger bother approved. Older brother then just put the crust side face down on the PB&J sandwich. Little dumass never knew the difference. Wisdom, yo.
BoredPundits 5 years ago
Yep. We used to do that for cheese toasties at the high school breakfast club. Kids couldn't tell the difference.
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ChimeraBubbles 5 years ago
Why does no one seem to like the crusts or end pieces? They're the best bits! Especially if they're well-done, so tasty.
Liam Walsh 5 years ago
I prefer it as well. Much more flavour and texture.
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John Montgomery 5 years ago
I actually prefer heels now. I do remember not liking crust as a kid though.
Wanna-be Vegetarian 5 years ago
My best friend's little sister always cried "I don't want to eat the butt!"
Astrid Nineor 5 years ago
Is it a US thing not to eat the end of bread? I have seen so many adults say they don't eat it. Two slices of bread wasted for every bread! That is a lot over the course of a year.
Isabel Care 5 years ago
The end of the bread and the skin on custard were fought over as a delicacy. Mum forbade us to have them for long enough that her ruse worked
Linda van der Pal 5 years ago
You apparently never had any good bread, because a fresh end slice is the best thing ever!
Maren Walters 5 years ago
My dad or you mom never made us eat the end they think it’s dIsSuSstIng
#38
Mary Maney 5 years ago
I thought this said ‘Scranton’ and the office theme is now stuck in my head.
#39
Kiss Army 5 years ago
I have a t-shirt that says "Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want To Come"... my mom gets mad when I wear it to family events!
Load More Replies... Aragorn II Elessar 5 years ago
That’s why I got rid of the read receipt on my phone. I don’t want to have the text notification saying I have an unread message, but I also don’t want people to know that I’ve seen their message and am ignoring them.
Johnny Rodriguez 5 years ago
Hey, sorry for not writing a comment, I didn't want to.. ..ehm, wait..
#40
Hehehehehehehehe 5 years ago
I often find myself answering “Wyd?” With “Sitting on the couch watching TV scrolling through BP”
#41
Katherine Boag 5 years ago (edited)
Black lives matter. Charge police who murder black people.
Aria 5 years ago
I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again all lives matter even if some white people did some very bad things all lives Matter all races matter we are all human it’s not just blacks all races matter ALL RACES MATTER ✊🏿✊🏾✊🏽✊🏼✊🏻
#42
Isabel Care 5 years ago
In the 60s, my mum got her passport photos free from the professional photographer. He tried to get a good picture 6 times, and wanted to try some more. My mum said it was enough. She said that she always looked like a victim from a concentration camp in photos, and nothing would change it. Photographer was in tears. I too am photocidic (opposite of photogenic)
#43
#44
#45
Foxxy (The Original) 5 years ago
I agree but I think it maybe because of the sauce and meat. For penne the sauce and meat go inside the tube, for fettuccine the sauce just coats the pasta and for spirals the meat gets stuck between the the spirally bits etc.
Whatshername 5 years ago
Yup, it's designed that way. And some have grooves to hold the sauce 😋
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#46
#47
John Montgomery 5 years ago
My wife talks in her sleep. We'll be having a conversation before bed, and she'll get a little less coherent or keep going after I've acknowledged her.
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JustAWeirdoGirlChild 5 years ago
mine does this omgggg he goes to sleep and stops answeringg ive done this a few times to him but mainly its himm omggg
John Montgomery 5 years ago
I find it hard to believe anyone can get to sleep in less than fifteen minutes.
Cynthia Bonville 5 years ago
They do and then they do that thing called "loud annoying breathing that keeps you up longer".
Ty Stratton-Quirk 5 years ago
Flick his ear. If he's faking, he will visibly restrain himself from reacting. If he's actually asleep, he'll probably say something along the lines of 'Why did you flick my ear? I was asleep!', probably with a bit of profanity sprinkled in.
Foxxy (The Original) 5 years ago (edited)
Try change the tv channel, if he doesn’t immediately wake up and say “I was watching that”, then you KNOW he is faking lol.
#48
Katherine Boag 5 years ago
I don't mind if he doesn't party with my friends, as long as he's waiting for me to get home and lets me tell him all about it :)
#49
MauKini 5 years ago
I hate airport prices. When i was 15 my period started unexpectetly in a airport. I was alone, flying out to see my family and didnt have enough cash on me to buy airport tampons. I was so ashamed to walk around and find a women that could help me out. :(
Anne Reid 5 years ago
Girl, we have ALL been caught unprepared for our periods and relied on a woman we did not know to help us! Don’t feel bad. You’ll be the one to help at some point.
Load More Replies... Vorknkx 5 years ago
Airport shopkeepers: "Anyone who comes to an airport must be filthy rich, right?"
BoredPundits 5 years ago
Plus, the rent on airport shops is ridiculously exorbitant. (Or perhaps I should say, *extortionant*). And before you all have a go at me, yes I know it's a made up word.
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Sterrinatu 5 years ago
This is sooo true! I once walked all the way across the airport in search of alcohol, felt like 3 miles. Only to get the worst mimosa I've ever had and paid out the butt for it. I was completely fine with it! :)
#50
Stack o' Pancakes 5 years ago
My brain cells must be in the middle of a fight right now cause that s**t ain't been happening.
#51
Dorothy Parker 5 years ago
If you don't use them on Facebook your friends worry you're depressed or have laryngitis.
#52
Ty Stratton-Quirk 5 years ago
Never happened for me. They did eventually start making sure at least one person had the hospital on speed dial, so that was nice...though I still don't know why I was ever picked for either team.
Isabel Care 5 years ago
Hockey practice, everyone on both teams moved away when I hit the ball. No skill, mobility problems and taking out my anger on the ball.
#53
BoredPundits 5 years ago
Always. I have so many reports to write, but BP is way more fun.
Load More Replies... #54
Nicholas Kranz 5 years ago
Has he ever tried either fruit? Peaches are clearly suede nectarines.
Foxxy (The Original) 5 years ago
This is a weird comparison. They are nowhere near alike for peaches to be considered suede apple. Not just because of the fuzz but also because of the stone/seeds, peaches are soft and juicy, apples are crunchy.
#55
BoredPundits 5 years ago
Working from home alone *gotta get an imaginary coworker to blame things on*
François Carré 5 years ago
I'm worried about that imaginary coworker actually taking over the house.
#56
#57
Mary Maney 5 years ago
EXACTLY how do moms not get this? We would rather wallow in an argument than admit defeat and apologize and hug.
#58
#59
#61
Matilda Haschek 5 years ago
thats what im like lol and i asked my friend if it was weird and he was like "no its just good manners and treating people right no matter what their job is."
InfectedVoice 5 years ago
I use variants along the way: ta, cheers, thanks, ta muchly, thank you.
#62
Ty Stratton-Quirk 5 years ago
I think that's the noise that Tim Allen always made on Home Improvement.
Katherine Boag 5 years ago
That's how im gonna spell that noise from now on, tyvm.
Load More Replies... #63
Rowlie 5 years ago
*if the spider is big enough i will move out and allow it to keep living in my home
Jacob Eirikson 5 years ago
nah the bigger they are they less dangerous they are
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lara 5 years ago
Spiders are your first line of defense against "bad bugs" like silverfish, weevils, moths, etc. Lizards are you first line of defense against bigger bugs, like roaches.
Astrid Nineor 5 years ago
How large a spider do you need to eat a silverfish? my "fish" are as large as ants by the time I see them. I have plenty of spiders, and plenty of silverfish, so I think they have a peace treaty
Load More Replies... Foxxy (The Original) 5 years ago
Huntsmans and daddy long legs are always welcome, they eat the dangerous spiders and other annoying insects.
Evelína Zlá 5 years ago
But... but huntsmans are freakishly big... they are like roomates, no?
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François Carré 5 years ago
A few months ago I found a scorpion in my appartment. Managed to catch it in a jar, then decided I'd rather release it in the wild. But had time to observe it while in the jar, and it seemed a pretty cool guy to me. A bit shy perhaps.
#64
Foxxy (The Original) 5 years ago
Bit like me. If texting continues going back and forth then I just call the person. I hate texting full convos. Texts to me are short and sweet.
#65
BoredPundits 5 years ago
So cute! I can only imagine the patron's face! (Is this dude having me on, or what?)
Load More Replies... #66
#67
#68
Katherine Boag 5 years ago
The life expectancy for trans people, especially black trans people in the US, is depressing.
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago
The life expectancy for all people in the USA is depressing. Average: 79.11 Women: 83.28 men: 80.22.
Load More Replies... Banjo Peppers 5 years ago
Yeah saying “that’s all” at the end is a bad idea, makes it look like you’re saying “that’s all that matters.” This kind of specificity is also really sad. I mean trans people of all races have it hard as s**t, why specify race?
#69
Stack o' Pancakes 5 years ago
as well as to avoid unnecessary social interaction
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#71
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#75
Final score:
27points
M O'Connell 5 years ago
I advise straight-up being yourself. If they don't like the real you, they won't stay just because of that first month and a half.
#76
Pandana 4 years ago
Bro, literally shut the f**k up. Thats not what they were f*****g saying. Thats like f*****g saying that because of the f*****g BLM movement, that white people are f*****g being oppressed. White people cant take the attention of themselves for ONE F*****G MINUTE. F*****g asswhipe.
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#77
Pandana 4 years ago
Listen, stop adding lol to the end of a sentance to hide your pain... We see you right through the pain:P
Load More Replies... Stack o' Pancakes 5 years ago
Correction: if I ever opened up to you I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, and I'll never do it again.
#78
BoredPundits 5 years ago
Ha! I was just watching the Brooklyn Nine Nine episode where they sing that song in the police line up.
#79
#80
Tobias the Tiger 4 years ago
Ironically, I had the opposite effect when I tried to make a strawberry banana smoothie once.
A Random Panda 5 years ago
Yep. You can put half of one in, and your smoothie tastes like banana and banana only.
#81
(Dramatic music plays) 5 years ago
omg i know there are some people who will not get it but this is HILARIOUS
#82
BoredPundits 5 years ago
Italian Wedding Soup sounds interesting. I might have to Google the recipe for that one.
Mary Maney 5 years ago
It’s a brothy soup with tiny pasta and spinach w/ chicken meatballs i love it
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Ashley Harrold 5 years ago
My family loves to make a lot of soups during winter. French onion is my favorite
Banjo Peppers 5 years ago
Nah this is stupid. They sell soup literally all year. Pumpkin spice only comes out for a few months.
#83
#84
Dana 5 years ago
Wasn't it cuz his dog got burrs on him? I know it is a joke, I just remember something about a dog
lara 5 years ago
You are correct. It was cockleburrs and when he took them off his dog, he wondered why they got to "stuck" to the dog and he examined them and saw that each small thorn had a little hook on the end. And the rest, as they say, is history.
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#85
Iann Dior 5 years ago (edited)
It's like there was only one computer in the house as in THE computer - nowadays there are normally more than that.
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Claire the Bear 5 years ago
Wait I'm confused do people not do this anymore? If I went on the computer and someone else needed it but I didn't tell them I would die lmao.
#86
#87
BoredPundits 5 years ago
Ha. That reminds me of the story of the woman who was spelling her name out over the phone, "N for Nellie..." and then received a letter addressed to "Mrs N. Fenelli".
M O'Connell 5 years ago
People should just learn the phonetic alphabet. Using it is an excellent way to show people you aren't screwing around.
#88
M O'Connell 5 years ago
I definitely remember seeing scantron forms in my college bookstore, but I never encountered a situation where I actually had to buy one. What department has a budget so tight they can't pay for their own professors tests?
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago
That's not educating students, that's ripping them off. Seems like everything is corrupted by greed.
Stack o' Pancakes 5 years ago
so you really gon bring me a birthday gift on my birthday to my birthday party on my birthday with a birthday gift.
#89
Katherine Boag 5 years ago
I'm gonna send the people who invented read receipts a voice memo of me screaming
#90
#91
Katherine Boag 5 years ago
Bored Panda is screenshots of Instagram's screenshots of tweets oh no
Stack o' Pancakes 5 years ago
Bored Panda is honestly just a compilation of top post from other apps
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Daritania Tejin 5 years ago
And twitter is just theft of Tumblr jokes. The circle of internet.
#92
Ty Stratton-Quirk 5 years ago
No, wait, just my Twitter, phone, and heart. I was wearing sunglasses.
#93
Stack o' Pancakes 5 years ago
you mean to tell me other people struggle with things you find easy? Mind blowing concept.
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#94
#95
#96
Danieletc 5 years ago
Bottom left for me, but my date didn't ask, at least.
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A Random Panda 5 years ago
Top right. I... uh, broke the bottom left. By standing on it. To get some green tea. In a cabinet. Across the stove.
#97
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago
It still doesn't stop the US cops from killing unarmed black people though.
Banjo Peppers 5 years ago
Or homeless people of all races. And it sure doesn’t stop criminals from killing unarmed people either. I mean where’s the First Nations Lives Matter people?
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#99
#100
Mary Maney 5 years ago
Yes yes and yes. Peppermint mocha, lemon water, orange juice coz i get dizzy an it help
Damon Gates 5 years ago
I think you need to see someone about your blood sugar.
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#102
#103
#104
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#107
#108
Mary Maney 5 years ago
Smash the clove w/ a chefs knife an skin peels right off plus it releases all the flavor juices/ oils
Astrid Nineor 5 years ago
If you have problems with joints/muscles in your hands that might not work though.
Load More Replies... Dorothy Parker 5 years ago
Now I feel bad about putting them in a jar and madly shaking their skin off.
Anne Reid 5 years ago
That’s a great tip! Gonna try that. I have carpal tunnel syndrome & peeling garlic is really difficult. I can’t always find peeled garlic either, and I cook everything in it! Thank you!
Load More Replies... #109
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago
Yes, but "Could you keep your distance" is also killing it right then and right there....
#110
lara 5 years ago
Actually it was a woman who created a machine to fold the tan paper grocery bags we use today.
#111
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago
No, but I think that they were considering at one time to change the rules on "likes" because you were able to buy likes. Twitter wanted to restrict people in abusing Twitter for their own profit. https://elfsight.com/blog/2016/12/instagram-restrictions-limits-likes-followers-comments/
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#115
DogMatic 5 years ago
This year, it's been the period between new year's day and Christmas. So far.
David Butler 5 years ago
At first I thought she meant when "that time of the month" occurred between Christmas and New Year.
#116
Tiredpossum 5 years ago
yeah I just got rejected soooo..... I get this A lot. I also feel like a clown right now
Monika Nagyova 5 years ago
Hey, I've been rejected a lot of times. Mostly because I let all of them know I'm interested. It's better to know straight away than hope for years and miss on someone who's actually right for you. It's scary to ask and might feel humiliating to be rejected but in the long run it will teach you to be strong. It hurts now but will not forever. I can promise you that.
Load More Replies... #117
#121
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago
Doesn't work. Before you know it you're the "go to" person for advice on relationships, a quick explanation of the quantum theorie, food tips, dresscode and how to tune a V8 crate engine.
#122
Liam Walsh 5 years ago
Might be yours if I don't wait any longer than five and I'm not here when you do turn up.
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago (edited)
Yes, they all fall for " If you just have 5 more minutes, I'll be with you in half an hour. "
#124
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