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Woman Dumps An Entire Pot Of Chili After BF Ruins It For Her, Considers Throwing Him Out Too
Being in a healthy partnership means accepting your significant other for their quirks. It doesn’t necessarily mean blind acceptance and constant giving in; it’s more about finding a compromise.
The story you’re about to read is what happens if one person chooses to ignore their significant other’s idiosyncrasies. A man decided to sabotage his girlfriend’s dish by adding salt, knowing full well that she is sensitive to its taste.
The woman admittedly reacted out of spite, resulting in a blowout fight that may have jeopardized their relationship.
RELATED:
Accepting your partner for who they are is essential in a thriving relationship
Image credits: stockimagefactory / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
This was an issue with a couple, where the main failed to consider his partner’s aversion to salt
Image credits: guyswhoshoot / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
The woman then reacted out of pure spite, resulting in a blowout fight
Image credits: francileoncio / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
The author answered some reader questions
Image credits: wirestock / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: SaltyThrowawayAITA
Resentment in a relationship has various root causes
Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection / freepik (not the actual photo)
The woman admittedly threw out the pot of chili out of spite. According to her, the salting incident wasn’t the first time her partner pulled such a stunt, and she likely reached her boiling point.
Research suggests that resentment can be a combination of several factors beyond anger, including disgust, contempt, and shock. Other studies conclude that spite can be a reaction to perceived injustice and mistreatment, even without justification.
This is when the irreparable cracks begin to form in romantic relationships. According to Psych Central, resentment can lead to bitterness, which can result in misplaced anger, diminished empathy, and gradual emotional withdrawal from the relationship.
Some common signs of resentment in a relationship include increased agitation toward the partner, passive-aggressive words or actions, and feelings of disgust and disappointment, all of which the woman seemed to display, according to her story.
However, resentment doesn’t necessarily mean the end of a relationship. There are ways to let go of feelings of bitterness and indignation. According to Very Well Mind, developing self-compassion is one of the key approaches to start with. Another way would be to view every situation with empathy and consider the other person’s perspective.
If the anger does not subside, cognitive-behavioral therapy would be the next practical approach. Relationship counseling that involves both parties is also available, as these professionals have tools and strategies to help the couple move forward.
In the woman’s case, she may want to give therapy a shot. She shares children with her partner, and breaking up could significantly affect the kids.
Some commenters sided with her and called out the boyfriend’s disrespect
However, some people thought both parties were at fault
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What do you think ?
Kathrin Pukowsky 3 weeks ago
Gotta admit, it's a red flag for me when somebody reaches for the salt shaker before trying the food.
DC 3 weeks ago
Yeah, how do they even know the amount they need before knowing the amount already in it? EVERY food is to be tested before being seasoned with anything at all. And, being this little, tiny really, bit considerate to not spoil stuff for other people is the bare minimum of being a somewhat decentish person. He can't even that, and it seems like he's that way with many things ... it's hard to believe that this isn't a conscious decision. A power game, maybe? Whatever it is, I'd end it. Now.
Load More Replies...
Zig Zag Wanderer 3 weeks ago
What a terrible relationship. I feel sorry for the children, tbh. They will be the only ones to really suffer. OP needs to get this idiot to wise up or leave him. Pronto.
Lisbeth Guz 3 weeks ago
Honestly, she was an AH, but a justified one. The lack of consideration and disrespect from her partner is enough reason for a divorce.
Ms.GB 3 weeks ago
Yeah. She's already talked to him about it and asked him politely more than once. He needed a real consequence like no more chili. Totally deserved.
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LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 weeks ago
OP paid for the groceries, did all the labor and cooking of the food - SHE gets to choose whether to "waste" it all by throwing it out or not. No one else on the internet gets to sit back in their chairs and judge her and say "you súck for wasting food" or "an animal died for that food". Not only is that spurious, it's also búllshít. The only time and money that was wasted was OP's. She didn't waste someone else's money. If it was worth it to her to toss out the other 9 quarts of chili, then she's allowed to, no judgements.
Jaya 3 weeks ago
If one person is the stay at home parent, then both parents made that money together. One by doing the work at that job, the other by taking care of the kids so the other parent has time to go to that job. Saying that the parents who works an outside job is making that money and the stay at home parent didn't, leads to very toxic situations, and victimizes many women and some men. As a society we really need to stop looking at it like 1 person making that money, and therefor having more right in deciding what happens with that money.
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Tyranamar Seuss 3 weeks ago
This is actually a biological thing. Your mouth only tastes the difference between your natural salt level and the salt in the food. To people who naturally run on the low end of the sodium level in their blood, everything will taste salty. And people whose blood is at the high end of the sodium range will think that nothing is salty enough. Of course you can raise your baseline sodium levels by eating lots of salt. Bottom line is, BF should only salt his own food.
Binky Melnik 3 weeks ago (edited)
I didn’t know that! I’m like OP in that I don’t care for much salt. (I even rinse brined pickles thoroughly.) If I were with someone like OP’s SO and they did the same to me, I’d have started throwing food out much earlier, and the third time I had to do it, I’d be throwing the SO out with the salty food. (And fυck the idiots complaining about “food waste.” It’s not their food so they don’t get to judge.) Thanks for teaching me something new today, Tyran! (Now that I’m old, I’ve actually started salting baked potatoes; I gather my sodium levels are changing as I age?)
Load More Replies...
Bertha Madott 3 weeks ago
It is not easy to give away food. I know because family members did volunteer work at a shelter. They accepted donations of packaged food only. What the Fock was the poor woman supposed to do!?!
Becky Samuel 3 weeks ago
Work this out *before* making babies with this loser.
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Betty Spaghetti 3 weeks ago
How did she end up having TWO KIDS with a jobless man who doesn’t like her?
Dusty's mom 3 weeks ago
I vote for BeBopBanana's response. Split the difference and let each person flavor it as they wish. If I were making this much I'd need 2 pots anyway, and spouse could flavor his to his preference from the get-go.
Janelle Collard 3 weeks ago
If OP's keeping that AH around for child care, she might want to see if daycare's cheaper. (I'm childfree, so no idea how much child/day care is, vs. supporting some AH with no job.)
Tabitha 3 weeks ago
@buckethead2019, my husband loves spicy food. The spicier, the better to him. I’m the opposite. Since childhood, I have not been able to eat spicy food. It messes up my stomach big time. My husband makes really great chili, but I couldn’t eat it when he made it the first vine, because he out all kinds of HOT peppers and spices in it. So he was the o e who had to eat the mass quantities of chili he made, all by himself. He learned after that to make mild chili, and only spice up his own bowl.
roddy 3 weeks ago
That's how you handle things considerately. Not expecting everyone to eat something you know they won't like.
Load More Replies...
Emilu 3 weeks ago
If she's saying "yeah, I'd probably leave him" if circumstances were slightly different; she should just leave him. Obviously she's done, so just cut the cord. An aside, sodium is a funny thing. Apparently, according to my dietitian, taste buds shed approximately once a month and so if, say, you don't eat salt in that time you'll become more sensitive to its presence and vice versa.
Deborah B 3 weeks ago
It really does make a difference salting during cooking rather than just at the end. I would find it annoying to always have underseasoned food and be told to just add more salt. Putting lots of salt in the whole batch after she'd taken one bowl could be a petty, passive aggressive way of "punishing" her for not cooking the way he prefers. It suggests there's a lot of resentment he's carrying. It's really disrespectful to do this instead of communicating. From his perspective, he might feel trapped in a situation where he's unable to work because he's doing the childcare, but her money is "hers" not "theirs" and she's buying the food and insisting on preparing it to her preferences without considering his - adding salt after serving is not the same for a lot of food, and she's dismissive of that. He's being an a*****e, but she may also not be listening to him, and may be financially controlling. Get the kids in daycare at least part time so he can work, and split the cooking.
patricia patricia 3 weeks ago
He is doing the childcare because he has no qualifications and he can't find a job. She has two jobs, so, if he actually made the effort to find one, they could afford childcare. Anyway, the youngest child is five months old. If he feels so "trapped" he should have avoided making another baby. I hate it when people use children as an excuse for everything wrong with their lives.
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Crystalwitch60 3 weeks ago
I’m more wondering why he doesn’t work lol, her he’s not qualified for anything as a reason doesn’t wash here ! I left school with no paper qualifications , never stopped me working , racing yards , riding instructor hospitality , running a pub , supervisor in an animal rescue , gym instructor , non of which needed qualifications to get in to ,you learn in the job ffs ,men’s jobs wise , building sites, don’t need qualifications to start , you learn as u go , landscape gardeners again learn on the job , hospitality learn on job mechanics learn on the job ,, !! There is no reason for him not to work n pull his weight , he is a lazy entitled jerk, n 5 yr on one has to wonder lol how her n her kids are doing now. Has she dumped his lazy entitled backside ! U add salt to taste , in small amounts add more to your own plate or bowl ! . This bloke hasn’t been taught respect for people what so ever NTA
weatherwitch 2 weeks ago
So he'll be feeding all that salted food to his toddler and causing them no end of Dangerous medical conditions. Absolute twåt. Also he's Incapable of BUYING the food and ingredients, Incapable of cooking and yet somehow has the capacity to add a shít load of salt to a meal that does not require it. It makes me squirm about the food waste but he Deliberately did it to ensure it was inedible to her AND inedible or dangerous to his child. Divorce. Divorce. Divorce
Flo 3 weeks ago
On the one hand: he is an absolute d*ck for disrespecting her like that. On the other hand: properly seasoning your food while making it is far more important than a lot of people think - and no, "jUsT sEaSoN YoUr OwN pLaTe" doesn't do the trick. Especially salt has to soak into the food, just try it the next time you cook noodles. If you don't put salt in the water, the noodles will be hella bland and you can salt them all you want afterwards.
Randomosity 3 weeks ago
If he uses that much salt, she won't have to put up with him for that much longer.
Craig Reynolds 3 weeks ago
All of the ESH people are complete AHs. She made 10 quarts of chili that she can no longer eat because her narcissistic AH BF ruined it for her. I'd throw it out, too, out of spite. Why TF should he get the remaining 9 quarts to himself? A better lesson would have been to spike it with pure capsaicin and wait. I'd make it so hot he'd be begging for an ambulance, and I'd make sure there was no milk in the house. Those who do not cook did not prepare the meal need to be hands-off.
Fiona Ross 3 weeks ago
if you can eat pre-prepared foods, but not what your boyfriend seasons, then he is probably using WAY too much salt. Not good for him. So get rid of the salt. Keep a small amount to season food as you usually do, but don’t let him oversalt everything. Promise him that he will have free access to salt in a few months, but by then, his usual level will be too salty for him too. (what is his blood pressure like? Show him the research on high sodium intake!)
Gayngel SLResident 3 weeks ago
NTA but could have given away the food to the homeless or just make more chili and mix it up with the salted batch and that would dilute the salt taste. Anyway, it happened 5 years ago so advice is not much help now lol.
KatSaidThat 3 weeks ago
I use very little salt when I cook, people eating my food are more than welcome to add more salt/pepper, whatever. If you read the edits, this is not his first and only selfish rodeo and it shows a complete lack of respect for her and the kids who don't enjoy it either. This is going to end in divorce/break up, whatever.
Uncle Schmickle 3 weeks ago
He sounds like a self obsessed arsehole. You did the right thing, as I would have also done. I understand the salt business was the last straw. Give him the shove.
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 3 weeks ago
I used to have a girlfriend who avoided salt. Her cooking was awful, partly because of that. Adding salt afterwards does not have the same effect as cooking with it, because the salt brings out the other flavours.
patricia patricia 3 weeks ago
Cook your own food and you can put as much salt as you want. Problem solved.
Load More Replies...
Emilu 3 weeks ago
Maybe she likes it bland. It's easier to add salt later than it is to take it out of the dish once it's cooked. If he wants it cooked into the dish, he should pay for the food and cook it.
Load More Replies... Kathrin Pukowsky 3 weeks ago
Gotta admit, it's a red flag for me when somebody reaches for the salt shaker before trying the food.
DC 3 weeks ago
Yeah, how do they even know the amount they need before knowing the amount already in it? EVERY food is to be tested before being seasoned with anything at all. And, being this little, tiny really, bit considerate to not spoil stuff for other people is the bare minimum of being a somewhat decentish person. He can't even that, and it seems like he's that way with many things ... it's hard to believe that this isn't a conscious decision. A power game, maybe? Whatever it is, I'd end it. Now.
Load More Replies... Zig Zag Wanderer 3 weeks ago
What a terrible relationship. I feel sorry for the children, tbh. They will be the only ones to really suffer. OP needs to get this idiot to wise up or leave him. Pronto.
Lisbeth Guz 3 weeks ago
Honestly, she was an AH, but a justified one. The lack of consideration and disrespect from her partner is enough reason for a divorce.
Ms.GB 3 weeks ago
Yeah. She's already talked to him about it and asked him politely more than once. He needed a real consequence like no more chili. Totally deserved.
Load More Replies... LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 weeks ago
OP paid for the groceries, did all the labor and cooking of the food - SHE gets to choose whether to "waste" it all by throwing it out or not. No one else on the internet gets to sit back in their chairs and judge her and say "you súck for wasting food" or "an animal died for that food". Not only is that spurious, it's also búllshít. The only time and money that was wasted was OP's. She didn't waste someone else's money. If it was worth it to her to toss out the other 9 quarts of chili, then she's allowed to, no judgements.
Jaya 3 weeks ago
If one person is the stay at home parent, then both parents made that money together. One by doing the work at that job, the other by taking care of the kids so the other parent has time to go to that job. Saying that the parents who works an outside job is making that money and the stay at home parent didn't, leads to very toxic situations, and victimizes many women and some men. As a society we really need to stop looking at it like 1 person making that money, and therefor having more right in deciding what happens with that money.
Load More Replies... Tyranamar Seuss 3 weeks ago
This is actually a biological thing. Your mouth only tastes the difference between your natural salt level and the salt in the food. To people who naturally run on the low end of the sodium level in their blood, everything will taste salty. And people whose blood is at the high end of the sodium range will think that nothing is salty enough. Of course you can raise your baseline sodium levels by eating lots of salt. Bottom line is, BF should only salt his own food.
Binky Melnik 3 weeks ago (edited)
I didn’t know that! I’m like OP in that I don’t care for much salt. (I even rinse brined pickles thoroughly.) If I were with someone like OP’s SO and they did the same to me, I’d have started throwing food out much earlier, and the third time I had to do it, I’d be throwing the SO out with the salty food. (And fυck the idiots complaining about “food waste.” It’s not their food so they don’t get to judge.) Thanks for teaching me something new today, Tyran! (Now that I’m old, I’ve actually started salting baked potatoes; I gather my sodium levels are changing as I age?)
Load More Replies... Bertha Madott 3 weeks ago
It is not easy to give away food. I know because family members did volunteer work at a shelter. They accepted donations of packaged food only. What the Fock was the poor woman supposed to do!?!
Becky Samuel 3 weeks ago
Work this out *before* making babies with this loser.
Load More Replies... Betty Spaghetti 3 weeks ago
How did she end up having TWO KIDS with a jobless man who doesn’t like her?
Dusty's mom 3 weeks ago
I vote for BeBopBanana's response. Split the difference and let each person flavor it as they wish. If I were making this much I'd need 2 pots anyway, and spouse could flavor his to his preference from the get-go.
Janelle Collard 3 weeks ago
If OP's keeping that AH around for child care, she might want to see if daycare's cheaper. (I'm childfree, so no idea how much child/day care is, vs. supporting some AH with no job.)
Tabitha 3 weeks ago
@buckethead2019, my husband loves spicy food. The spicier, the better to him. I’m the opposite. Since childhood, I have not been able to eat spicy food. It messes up my stomach big time. My husband makes really great chili, but I couldn’t eat it when he made it the first vine, because he out all kinds of HOT peppers and spices in it. So he was the o e who had to eat the mass quantities of chili he made, all by himself. He learned after that to make mild chili, and only spice up his own bowl.
roddy 3 weeks ago
That's how you handle things considerately. Not expecting everyone to eat something you know they won't like.
Load More Replies... Emilu 3 weeks ago
If she's saying "yeah, I'd probably leave him" if circumstances were slightly different; she should just leave him. Obviously she's done, so just cut the cord. An aside, sodium is a funny thing. Apparently, according to my dietitian, taste buds shed approximately once a month and so if, say, you don't eat salt in that time you'll become more sensitive to its presence and vice versa.
Deborah B 3 weeks ago
It really does make a difference salting during cooking rather than just at the end. I would find it annoying to always have underseasoned food and be told to just add more salt. Putting lots of salt in the whole batch after she'd taken one bowl could be a petty, passive aggressive way of "punishing" her for not cooking the way he prefers. It suggests there's a lot of resentment he's carrying. It's really disrespectful to do this instead of communicating. From his perspective, he might feel trapped in a situation where he's unable to work because he's doing the childcare, but her money is "hers" not "theirs" and she's buying the food and insisting on preparing it to her preferences without considering his - adding salt after serving is not the same for a lot of food, and she's dismissive of that. He's being an a*****e, but she may also not be listening to him, and may be financially controlling. Get the kids in daycare at least part time so he can work, and split the cooking.
patricia patricia 3 weeks ago
He is doing the childcare because he has no qualifications and he can't find a job. She has two jobs, so, if he actually made the effort to find one, they could afford childcare. Anyway, the youngest child is five months old. If he feels so "trapped" he should have avoided making another baby. I hate it when people use children as an excuse for everything wrong with their lives.
Load More Replies... Crystalwitch60 3 weeks ago
I’m more wondering why he doesn’t work lol, her he’s not qualified for anything as a reason doesn’t wash here ! I left school with no paper qualifications , never stopped me working , racing yards , riding instructor hospitality , running a pub , supervisor in an animal rescue , gym instructor , non of which needed qualifications to get in to ,you learn in the job ffs ,men’s jobs wise , building sites, don’t need qualifications to start , you learn as u go , landscape gardeners again learn on the job , hospitality learn on job mechanics learn on the job ,, !! There is no reason for him not to work n pull his weight , he is a lazy entitled jerk, n 5 yr on one has to wonder lol how her n her kids are doing now. Has she dumped his lazy entitled backside ! U add salt to taste , in small amounts add more to your own plate or bowl ! . This bloke hasn’t been taught respect for people what so ever NTA
weatherwitch 2 weeks ago
So he'll be feeding all that salted food to his toddler and causing them no end of Dangerous medical conditions. Absolute twåt. Also he's Incapable of BUYING the food and ingredients, Incapable of cooking and yet somehow has the capacity to add a shít load of salt to a meal that does not require it. It makes me squirm about the food waste but he Deliberately did it to ensure it was inedible to her AND inedible or dangerous to his child. Divorce. Divorce. Divorce
Flo 3 weeks ago
On the one hand: he is an absolute d*ck for disrespecting her like that. On the other hand: properly seasoning your food while making it is far more important than a lot of people think - and no, "jUsT sEaSoN YoUr OwN pLaTe" doesn't do the trick. Especially salt has to soak into the food, just try it the next time you cook noodles. If you don't put salt in the water, the noodles will be hella bland and you can salt them all you want afterwards.
Randomosity 3 weeks ago
If he uses that much salt, she won't have to put up with him for that much longer.
Craig Reynolds 3 weeks ago
All of the ESH people are complete AHs. She made 10 quarts of chili that she can no longer eat because her narcissistic AH BF ruined it for her. I'd throw it out, too, out of spite. Why TF should he get the remaining 9 quarts to himself? A better lesson would have been to spike it with pure capsaicin and wait. I'd make it so hot he'd be begging for an ambulance, and I'd make sure there was no milk in the house. Those who do not cook did not prepare the meal need to be hands-off.
Fiona Ross 3 weeks ago
if you can eat pre-prepared foods, but not what your boyfriend seasons, then he is probably using WAY too much salt. Not good for him. So get rid of the salt. Keep a small amount to season food as you usually do, but don’t let him oversalt everything. Promise him that he will have free access to salt in a few months, but by then, his usual level will be too salty for him too. (what is his blood pressure like? Show him the research on high sodium intake!)
Gayngel SLResident 3 weeks ago
NTA but could have given away the food to the homeless or just make more chili and mix it up with the salted batch and that would dilute the salt taste. Anyway, it happened 5 years ago so advice is not much help now lol.
KatSaidThat 3 weeks ago
I use very little salt when I cook, people eating my food are more than welcome to add more salt/pepper, whatever. If you read the edits, this is not his first and only selfish rodeo and it shows a complete lack of respect for her and the kids who don't enjoy it either. This is going to end in divorce/break up, whatever.
Uncle Schmickle 3 weeks ago
He sounds like a self obsessed arsehole. You did the right thing, as I would have also done. I understand the salt business was the last straw. Give him the shove.
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 3 weeks ago
I used to have a girlfriend who avoided salt. Her cooking was awful, partly because of that. Adding salt afterwards does not have the same effect as cooking with it, because the salt brings out the other flavours.
patricia patricia 3 weeks ago
Cook your own food and you can put as much salt as you want. Problem solved.
Load More Replies... Emilu 3 weeks ago
Maybe she likes it bland. It's easier to add salt later than it is to take it out of the dish once it's cooked. If he wants it cooked into the dish, he should pay for the food and cook it.
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