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‘Things We Should Stop Saying To Men’: Illustration About Everyday Toxic Masculinity Goes Viral
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‘Things We Should Stop Saying To Men’: Illustration About Everyday Toxic Masculinity Goes Viral

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“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me,” might sound right, but it ignores the power that words have on our mental health. And every word can be a drop in a bucket already full to the brim with unreachable expectations that can easily overflow.

For International Men’s Day on November 19, The Yellow Club, which fights for accessible and affordable mental healthcare for everyone, shared an illustrated post about what we shouldn’t say to men.

Scroll down and have a look, dear Pandas. We’d love to hear what you think about the advice. So share your thoughts about society’s expectations for men to be unemotional all the time in the comments.

More info: Instagram | Twitter | YellowClub.in

The Yellow Club shared a spot-on post about the things that some people say to men that do more harm than good for their mental health

Image credits: yellowclubofficial

Image credits: yellowclubofficial

Image credits: yellowclubofficial

Image credits: yellowclubofficial

Image credits: yellowclubofficial

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Image credits: yellowclubofficial

Image credits: yellowclubofficial

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Image credits: yellowclubofficial

Image credits: yellowclubofficial

Image credits: yellowclubofficial

The Yellow Club pointed out that they wanted to acknowledge the struggles that men face. Including the unrealistic standards of keeping all of their emotions perfectly in check and having to “suffer in stoic silence” when under pressure.

“Let’s stop asking men to never show emotions, instead let’s ask them how they’re feeling. Let’s treat men as humans. Emotional, prone to mistakes, fear, uncertainty, and yes, humans who are capable and want to, at times, cry,” The Yellow Club suggests that we stop putting men on a pedestal and look at them realistically. Imperfect. Raw. Vulnerable.

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Seeing men as human beings takes a lot of weight from their shoulders. They can then open up and be honest about their thoughts and feelings, instead of hiding behind (seemingly) impenetrable suits of (un)emotional armor.

That’s not to say that toughness, grit, fortitude (and whatever else you call the ability to move past failure) aren’t important life skills to have. They are! And they may help pave the way to success, according to research. However, they might not be the only important character features to have, like some argue.

Furthermore, you can’t automatically expect every man out there to be a master of fortitude, a tower of toughness, and an island of perseverance just by virtue of their gender. Being ‘perfect’ is too much pressure and can do more harm than good. Aim for growth, being better every day, and kindness, instead.

Here’s how some Instagram users reacted to The Yellow Club’s illustrated post about the expectations we have for men

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lennet avatar
Museo
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you are honest: Unfortunately, not only many men have this "toxic attitude" and expectation of men, but also many women.

jamie_mayfield avatar
Ivana
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait...is telling men that facial hair is toxic masculinity a thing? Weird. Never heard that. As for dates, my first date with my husband I paid for the dinner and he paid for the movie. Just switch off who pays.

leodomitrix avatar
Leo Domitrix
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tell people it's okay to be imperfect, to have emotions, etc., regardless of gender/chromosomes. Teach the kids the way to use words instead of fists. We might get a better world. Maybe. I'd like my godsons to have one, that's for sure.

leoh avatar
Leo H
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How about the constant drumming of these ideas by magazines/ social media. 1. Men cant please women sexually 2. In a divorce the woman is always the better parent. 3. Men cant be abused..look at johney depp 4. Women never lie.

copper-fractions avatar
Tiny Dynamine
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I also have never heard the beard one. As for the things like making the first move or paying for both on a date, these are still really clung to in general. I would refuse to pay for both of us on a date and vice versa. I won't put up with expectations that the man should pay for the woman.

linhnguyen_nkl_1704 avatar
Lili
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hardly any men in Asia have beard so... a thing of culture? (No problem if they grow one in my opinion) The 'men must pay for dates' aren't that common anymore, I see most people go Dutch nowadays. About 'losing to a girl', well I would personally feel offended if someone is ashamed of losing to me cuz I'm a girl, so it's racism on both sides. I'm not even sure what kind of action is 'like a girl'. Sounds derogatory. The 'men should make the first move' is still true, I think, although I wouldn't mind asking a guy out first. Toxic masculinity or not, why would people think they have the rights to judge what others are doing, as long as it isn't illegal? Men, women, masculinity, feminity, anything in between, anything at all. It's none of their business.

j_f_ avatar
J. F.
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would say it's also genetics that men in asia don't have as much facial hair growth as men in other parts of the world. (Without any judgement on that)

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saragregory0508 avatar
N G
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Never heard the beard thing. My dad was badly burned on his face, neck and shoulders when he was 19. The skin was damaged enough that hair just doesn't grow there. So he's less of a man because he has scars? Toxic masculinity is weird and inconsistent and so needs to stop. (He tried to grow a moustache once for Movember - it didnt work, it resembled a grey Charlie Chaplin and just made it look like his nose shadow was wider than usual!)

kkittywidget avatar
Karen Klinck
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No, scars are 'manly' enough to offset no beard. I don't understand *either* viewpoint, frankly.

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meyowmix avatar
Colin L
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, there seem to be quite a lot of "real man" purity tests out there. Nobody can pass them all... there are 3.5+ billion different ways of being a man.... and anyone telling you otherwise is selling you something that you don't need. I love who I am, but I hate the toxic baggage that we all have to face.

rosselairaeugeniecruz avatar
Wolfstar
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Where I grew up, there was a lot of this crap being said (except for the "you have a beard" one). "Oh, you lost to a girl? Are you even a guy?" "Man up!" "Psst. Go make your move!" I really hate it whenever I hear things like that. The "men don't cry" and "real men never get hurt" are important to me. Until high school, I had NEVER seen a guy cry. And guys can get hurt, both physically and emotionally. Some people say that they've never really heard these things. I consider you guys lucky. Where I used to live, toxic masculinity was everywhere.

kkittywidget avatar
Karen Klinck
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The ones saying that about a physical injury are the ones who scream loudest when *they* get hurt, too.

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edward_bennett avatar
shinshige
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I remember when I was a kid, my father told me never to arm wrestle a girl. Because if I won, then I beat a girl, so who cares? If I lost, then I lost to a girl and that’s shameful. It’s so strange how much has changed, relatively, in the last 30 years.

leoh avatar
Leo H
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How about stop saying your man is a baby when he is sick...men are more prone to getting sick/ having more severe sympthoms due to a naturally weaker immune system

viviane_katz avatar
Viviane
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know if men are more fragile, but they're certainly allowed to feel that way when sick or injured.

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ellenwall89 avatar
Crochet lady
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As the mother of 3 sons in their mid 20s I agree with all of these. And, if I had waited for a man to make the first move I wouldn't be happily married for 30 years.

eirncc9 avatar
Lily Mac
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with the rest but I have never once in my life heard someone say that having a beard is toxic masculinity. Has anyone else? That one just seemed bizarre.

noelbenavente avatar
Noel Benavente
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Man up! - wow, you have no idea how many guys i drew away from because of that attitude... guys who wanted me to drink more when i said i had enough for example.

sophiahiebner avatar
Soap
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

1) It's okay to lose to a girl. What's wrong with that? 2) What does "Man Up" mean? Some of the most powerful "men" I know are now "(wo)men". Do they still have to "man up?" 3) Everyone is human. Humans get hurt. Deal with it, men get hurt too. 4&5) It's their face, let them chose what to do. 6) Okay, but why? Girls can make the first move too. 7) What if the other person wants to pay? The dude is poor? What then? 8) What's a girl supposed to act like? Huh? So now we have to listen to YOU and YOUR opinion on how WE'RE supposed to act? 9) Everyone cries. It's human nature. Go ahead. It's okay :D Just be you, people. We'll still love you if you're you

viviane_katz avatar
Viviane
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I remember a man bragging that he had lost an arm-wrestling contest to a female bodybuilder. I don't know who impressed me more: the woman with the strong arms or the man who was impressed by her strength.

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deannawoods avatar
deanna woods
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The phrase that has always bothered me is "Real men don't do..." What is a real man? To me, a real man is someone like my dad. He takes care of his family, is always there when my mom, my sister, and I need him, and he isn't afraid to show his emotions. Instead of discussing what a "real man" or "real woman" does, maybe we need to discuss what a real human does.

kkittywidget avatar
Karen Klinck
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We parodied "Real Men Don't...' with Real Cats Don't... After I tripped over one of mine in the shower, it was ' Real Cays Don't drink out of wooshie dishes. They drink out of puddles in the shower!' (Which is what he was doing at the time, daft thing. Water running and all--crouched right behind me.)

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blugeagua avatar
blugeagua
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These are very good representations of what actual toxic masculinity is about.

rainbownews avatar
ajones_1 avatar
A Jones
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Unfortunately some peeps were raised thinking this was acceptable. Same jazz with any nasty bias.

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sofiahernandez-garcia avatar
Just.a.ravenclaw.witch
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Once at a party everyone was rough housing in a bounce house and a hit this kid and he fell forward (he didn't get hurt cause it was a bounce house) and his friend said"ugh, you got hit by a GIRLLL!!!"...??????

dhelor avatar
Micah Pettit
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Had a supervisor once tell me to "man up" when I brought a grievance about a coworker to him. Took it to another supervisor and left early that day as I was exceptionally close to losing my s**t.

kjorn avatar
kjorn
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i'm glad they are the two side. like you're a man you should pay! this is stupid. so many girl expected this.

kkittywidget avatar
Karen Klinck
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Women have had it hammered into them from infancy that men make the first move. (Or you're 'forward, and asking to get raped.) Can we lose this one on BOTH sides, please?

psalm91bev avatar
Bev Vee
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Puh-leeze!!!!!! I wish people would stop dictating what is wrong or correct speech! Real women love real men......end of discussion.

kkittywidget avatar
Karen Klinck
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I take it you're not old enough to remember the 'Real Men Don't...' campaign.

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ojaswinirtripathi avatar
Kitty Twinkle
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Saying stuff like "never fight a girl because it doesn't matter" is just shameful. I think it's more of them being afraid to lose.

phillybobsquires avatar
Philly Bob Squires
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've played air hockey for years... silly game yeah... never lost yet but only once... to a lady! My Dad raced Go-Karts back in the day. Worked for NASA... had engineers work on the gear ratio... won 18 pro races until he lost to a young lady from Maryland! Hey... women rock! I lose to my girl all the time... if I know what's good for me! LOL

isaacharvey81 avatar
Isaac Harvey
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Men don't cry." This may be correct in some ways, but false in others. I am a senior in high school, a second-degree black belt, and a survivor of childhood brain cancer(August 2013), and even I break down from stress- yes, I have a high mental stress threshold, but when problems arise from multiple angles- for example, balancing learning stuff in school I couldn't care less about, being physically separated from classmates during virtual classes, and also maintaining a clear understanding of at least 15 different forms for Taekwondo. I don't even know if I will be able to make it through this school year and graduate. I half-force myself to cry on the inside. Taking two different prescriptions for epilepsy(May 2020) does not help.

margarethsu avatar
Margareth Su
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I doubt being called a 'babyface' is actually an insult? I always say that as a compliment because I think they look really cute (I've got a friend who REALLY look babyface, big eyes, soft skin, round face, he looks really cute! He never tell us off for calling him babyface). I also prefer men without beard but like it's PREFERENCE. Just like how most men prefer women who are shorter than them, doesn't mean the ones taller than them deserve to be shamed or anything. lmao That's like shaming hairstyle and it's super uncalled for. Unless you're flipping your god dang beard on my food or growing insects in them, I literally don't care. Some people really can't keep their preferences to themselves and gotta shout out loud about it.

nna-calegari avatar
banana
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"lost to a girl" is as harmful to girls as it is to boys

timdsampson avatar
Toasty
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Do people say these things?!? I swear I've only heard things like this in poorly written over, exaggerated movies. I feel bad for anyone who actually thinks this way.

kkittywidget avatar
Karen Klinck
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh, they say them, trust me. It's getting better, which may be why you haven't heard them, but get any group of regressives together, and you will. It's not uncommon enough yet. And they have equally as many for females, too, which may be even more insidious.

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s-ymahmud avatar
Imposmate
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When it's men's day, NOBODY CARES! When it's women's day, things are advertised EVERYWHERE. Parades are held. Parties are held. And meanwhile, on that day, people look down on men. I'm sick of this.

jamie_mayfield avatar
Ivana
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A big reason for that is because men enjoy a higher social status for the other 364 days of the year will women continue to suffer from wide spread oppression and abuse, many lacking basic rights around the world. It is not a day people spend looking down on men, it is the one day of the year we focus on women and apparently that one day of men not being the ones getting attention is somehow looking down on them even though it is exactly what women experience 364 days of the year.

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dirigobill avatar
Bill
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Without facial hair how can you offer some lucky lady a mustache ride?

dons avatar
Calypso poet
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OMG! I am the only one laughing! I guess mustache rides were a thing of the 80's

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jules-fishtank avatar
Cadmar Orion
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

why can't men wear makeup? why must womyn wear makeup? I personally love beards, my dad has one, but it's their choice, not mine. "man up" "woman up" how about "crying is ok" showing emotion is strong and courageous in my opinion. I hate sexism. (yes womyn is a real word, look it up)

loo-loo72 avatar
Looloo
Community Member
3 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

How about teaching resilience rather than telling people you can't say this and that? It's getting ridiculous now

devonbunny avatar
Bunny Wood
Community Member
3 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

I think most of these are things that women think Men say to each other. Men don't really talk this way.

skwirril avatar
స్టీఫెన్ ఆండ్రూ
Community Member
3 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

How about the sexist term 'mansplaining'? That term (and all others which stereotype a gender) should be purged from our vocabulary.

j_f_ avatar
J. F.
Community Member
3 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

1)"Real men never can get hurt" - Yeah, can't confirm that after helping out in a MASH. 2)All the other stuff the guys say are considered idiotic where I live, never heard any of that, actually. 3) The toxic masculinity thing is also more a minority, mostly online - there are some media websites specialzed on that... men are sexist when they sleep (breathing at the woman), men make women uncomftable while running (they boast with their speed) etc. A lot of crazy stuff can be found about that

saragregory0508 avatar
N G
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sexist for breathing at a woman while HE'S asleep??! That's more bat crap crazy than the beard thing! Where did you find such a website? No. No, I actually dont want to know.

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leoh avatar
Leo H
Community Member
3 years ago

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Things not to say to men? How about we stop using the sexist term " toxic masculinity " and acting like men are broken because they arent as emotional as women.

a_m_pierre avatar
A.M. Pierre
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The phrase "toxic masculinity" doesn't mean masculinity is toxic. Both femininity and masculinity have wonderful aspects that contribute to a well-rounded society. "Toxic masculinity" is only referring to a few specific traits that in our current culture are promoted as being masculine but are, in fact, harmful to men. For example, it's not saying men *have* to show their emotions or that they *have* to feel everything intensely. It's saying men shouldn't be made to feel that they've done something wrong or unmanly if they *choose* to show some emotion. A friend of mine's dad died, and he wouldn't let himself cry - not because he didn't feel like it, but because he thought people would think he wasn't manly. If he just didn't feel it, that's one thing - you feel what you feel. But for him to feel like he would be judged if he showed he had feelings... that's what can be harmful and "toxic."

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anna-r-mchugh avatar
Anna McHugh
Community Member
3 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Things I try never to say to my bf: 1. Can you open this? (sprained wrists and shattered jars later - 'No') 2. Can you get that down for me? (After EVERYTHING on the same shelf comes down with it - 'Yes') 3. I'll drive. (His response: 'I'll park.') 4. Have you got the cold? ('It's nothing. If I'm not up in the morning, I might be dead.')

lennet avatar
Museo
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why can't you just be yourself? If you can't ask him for anything because of some ideology, it's hard to speak of a healthy relationship.

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lennet avatar
Museo
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you are honest: Unfortunately, not only many men have this "toxic attitude" and expectation of men, but also many women.

jamie_mayfield avatar
Ivana
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait...is telling men that facial hair is toxic masculinity a thing? Weird. Never heard that. As for dates, my first date with my husband I paid for the dinner and he paid for the movie. Just switch off who pays.

leodomitrix avatar
Leo Domitrix
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tell people it's okay to be imperfect, to have emotions, etc., regardless of gender/chromosomes. Teach the kids the way to use words instead of fists. We might get a better world. Maybe. I'd like my godsons to have one, that's for sure.

leoh avatar
Leo H
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How about the constant drumming of these ideas by magazines/ social media. 1. Men cant please women sexually 2. In a divorce the woman is always the better parent. 3. Men cant be abused..look at johney depp 4. Women never lie.

copper-fractions avatar
Tiny Dynamine
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I also have never heard the beard one. As for the things like making the first move or paying for both on a date, these are still really clung to in general. I would refuse to pay for both of us on a date and vice versa. I won't put up with expectations that the man should pay for the woman.

linhnguyen_nkl_1704 avatar
Lili
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hardly any men in Asia have beard so... a thing of culture? (No problem if they grow one in my opinion) The 'men must pay for dates' aren't that common anymore, I see most people go Dutch nowadays. About 'losing to a girl', well I would personally feel offended if someone is ashamed of losing to me cuz I'm a girl, so it's racism on both sides. I'm not even sure what kind of action is 'like a girl'. Sounds derogatory. The 'men should make the first move' is still true, I think, although I wouldn't mind asking a guy out first. Toxic masculinity or not, why would people think they have the rights to judge what others are doing, as long as it isn't illegal? Men, women, masculinity, feminity, anything in between, anything at all. It's none of their business.

j_f_ avatar
J. F.
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would say it's also genetics that men in asia don't have as much facial hair growth as men in other parts of the world. (Without any judgement on that)

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saragregory0508 avatar
N G
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Never heard the beard thing. My dad was badly burned on his face, neck and shoulders when he was 19. The skin was damaged enough that hair just doesn't grow there. So he's less of a man because he has scars? Toxic masculinity is weird and inconsistent and so needs to stop. (He tried to grow a moustache once for Movember - it didnt work, it resembled a grey Charlie Chaplin and just made it look like his nose shadow was wider than usual!)

kkittywidget avatar
Karen Klinck
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No, scars are 'manly' enough to offset no beard. I don't understand *either* viewpoint, frankly.

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meyowmix avatar
Colin L
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, there seem to be quite a lot of "real man" purity tests out there. Nobody can pass them all... there are 3.5+ billion different ways of being a man.... and anyone telling you otherwise is selling you something that you don't need. I love who I am, but I hate the toxic baggage that we all have to face.

rosselairaeugeniecruz avatar
Wolfstar
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Where I grew up, there was a lot of this crap being said (except for the "you have a beard" one). "Oh, you lost to a girl? Are you even a guy?" "Man up!" "Psst. Go make your move!" I really hate it whenever I hear things like that. The "men don't cry" and "real men never get hurt" are important to me. Until high school, I had NEVER seen a guy cry. And guys can get hurt, both physically and emotionally. Some people say that they've never really heard these things. I consider you guys lucky. Where I used to live, toxic masculinity was everywhere.

kkittywidget avatar
Karen Klinck
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The ones saying that about a physical injury are the ones who scream loudest when *they* get hurt, too.

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edward_bennett avatar
shinshige
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I remember when I was a kid, my father told me never to arm wrestle a girl. Because if I won, then I beat a girl, so who cares? If I lost, then I lost to a girl and that’s shameful. It’s so strange how much has changed, relatively, in the last 30 years.

leoh avatar
Leo H
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How about stop saying your man is a baby when he is sick...men are more prone to getting sick/ having more severe sympthoms due to a naturally weaker immune system

viviane_katz avatar
Viviane
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know if men are more fragile, but they're certainly allowed to feel that way when sick or injured.

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ellenwall89 avatar
Crochet lady
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As the mother of 3 sons in their mid 20s I agree with all of these. And, if I had waited for a man to make the first move I wouldn't be happily married for 30 years.

eirncc9 avatar
Lily Mac
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with the rest but I have never once in my life heard someone say that having a beard is toxic masculinity. Has anyone else? That one just seemed bizarre.

noelbenavente avatar
Noel Benavente
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Man up! - wow, you have no idea how many guys i drew away from because of that attitude... guys who wanted me to drink more when i said i had enough for example.

sophiahiebner avatar
Soap
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

1) It's okay to lose to a girl. What's wrong with that? 2) What does "Man Up" mean? Some of the most powerful "men" I know are now "(wo)men". Do they still have to "man up?" 3) Everyone is human. Humans get hurt. Deal with it, men get hurt too. 4&5) It's their face, let them chose what to do. 6) Okay, but why? Girls can make the first move too. 7) What if the other person wants to pay? The dude is poor? What then? 8) What's a girl supposed to act like? Huh? So now we have to listen to YOU and YOUR opinion on how WE'RE supposed to act? 9) Everyone cries. It's human nature. Go ahead. It's okay :D Just be you, people. We'll still love you if you're you

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Viviane
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I remember a man bragging that he had lost an arm-wrestling contest to a female bodybuilder. I don't know who impressed me more: the woman with the strong arms or the man who was impressed by her strength.

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deanna woods
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The phrase that has always bothered me is "Real men don't do..." What is a real man? To me, a real man is someone like my dad. He takes care of his family, is always there when my mom, my sister, and I need him, and he isn't afraid to show his emotions. Instead of discussing what a "real man" or "real woman" does, maybe we need to discuss what a real human does.

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Karen Klinck
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We parodied "Real Men Don't...' with Real Cats Don't... After I tripped over one of mine in the shower, it was ' Real Cays Don't drink out of wooshie dishes. They drink out of puddles in the shower!' (Which is what he was doing at the time, daft thing. Water running and all--crouched right behind me.)

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blugeagua
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These are very good representations of what actual toxic masculinity is about.

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A Jones
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Unfortunately some peeps were raised thinking this was acceptable. Same jazz with any nasty bias.

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Just.a.ravenclaw.witch
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Once at a party everyone was rough housing in a bounce house and a hit this kid and he fell forward (he didn't get hurt cause it was a bounce house) and his friend said"ugh, you got hit by a GIRLLL!!!"...??????

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Micah Pettit
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Had a supervisor once tell me to "man up" when I brought a grievance about a coworker to him. Took it to another supervisor and left early that day as I was exceptionally close to losing my s**t.

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kjorn
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i'm glad they are the two side. like you're a man you should pay! this is stupid. so many girl expected this.

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Karen Klinck
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Women have had it hammered into them from infancy that men make the first move. (Or you're 'forward, and asking to get raped.) Can we lose this one on BOTH sides, please?

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Bev Vee
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Puh-leeze!!!!!! I wish people would stop dictating what is wrong or correct speech! Real women love real men......end of discussion.

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Karen Klinck
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I take it you're not old enough to remember the 'Real Men Don't...' campaign.

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Kitty Twinkle
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Saying stuff like "never fight a girl because it doesn't matter" is just shameful. I think it's more of them being afraid to lose.

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Philly Bob Squires
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've played air hockey for years... silly game yeah... never lost yet but only once... to a lady! My Dad raced Go-Karts back in the day. Worked for NASA... had engineers work on the gear ratio... won 18 pro races until he lost to a young lady from Maryland! Hey... women rock! I lose to my girl all the time... if I know what's good for me! LOL

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Isaac Harvey
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Men don't cry." This may be correct in some ways, but false in others. I am a senior in high school, a second-degree black belt, and a survivor of childhood brain cancer(August 2013), and even I break down from stress- yes, I have a high mental stress threshold, but when problems arise from multiple angles- for example, balancing learning stuff in school I couldn't care less about, being physically separated from classmates during virtual classes, and also maintaining a clear understanding of at least 15 different forms for Taekwondo. I don't even know if I will be able to make it through this school year and graduate. I half-force myself to cry on the inside. Taking two different prescriptions for epilepsy(May 2020) does not help.

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Margareth Su
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I doubt being called a 'babyface' is actually an insult? I always say that as a compliment because I think they look really cute (I've got a friend who REALLY look babyface, big eyes, soft skin, round face, he looks really cute! He never tell us off for calling him babyface). I also prefer men without beard but like it's PREFERENCE. Just like how most men prefer women who are shorter than them, doesn't mean the ones taller than them deserve to be shamed or anything. lmao That's like shaming hairstyle and it's super uncalled for. Unless you're flipping your god dang beard on my food or growing insects in them, I literally don't care. Some people really can't keep their preferences to themselves and gotta shout out loud about it.

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banana
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"lost to a girl" is as harmful to girls as it is to boys

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Toasty
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Do people say these things?!? I swear I've only heard things like this in poorly written over, exaggerated movies. I feel bad for anyone who actually thinks this way.

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Karen Klinck
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh, they say them, trust me. It's getting better, which may be why you haven't heard them, but get any group of regressives together, and you will. It's not uncommon enough yet. And they have equally as many for females, too, which may be even more insidious.

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Imposmate
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When it's men's day, NOBODY CARES! When it's women's day, things are advertised EVERYWHERE. Parades are held. Parties are held. And meanwhile, on that day, people look down on men. I'm sick of this.

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Ivana
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A big reason for that is because men enjoy a higher social status for the other 364 days of the year will women continue to suffer from wide spread oppression and abuse, many lacking basic rights around the world. It is not a day people spend looking down on men, it is the one day of the year we focus on women and apparently that one day of men not being the ones getting attention is somehow looking down on them even though it is exactly what women experience 364 days of the year.

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Bill
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Without facial hair how can you offer some lucky lady a mustache ride?

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Calypso poet
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OMG! I am the only one laughing! I guess mustache rides were a thing of the 80's

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Cadmar Orion
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

why can't men wear makeup? why must womyn wear makeup? I personally love beards, my dad has one, but it's their choice, not mine. "man up" "woman up" how about "crying is ok" showing emotion is strong and courageous in my opinion. I hate sexism. (yes womyn is a real word, look it up)

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Looloo
Community Member
3 years ago

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How about teaching resilience rather than telling people you can't say this and that? It's getting ridiculous now

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Bunny Wood
Community Member
3 years ago

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I think most of these are things that women think Men say to each other. Men don't really talk this way.

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స్టీఫెన్ ఆండ్రూ
Community Member
3 years ago

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How about the sexist term 'mansplaining'? That term (and all others which stereotype a gender) should be purged from our vocabulary.

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J. F.
Community Member
3 years ago

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1)"Real men never can get hurt" - Yeah, can't confirm that after helping out in a MASH. 2)All the other stuff the guys say are considered idiotic where I live, never heard any of that, actually. 3) The toxic masculinity thing is also more a minority, mostly online - there are some media websites specialzed on that... men are sexist when they sleep (breathing at the woman), men make women uncomftable while running (they boast with their speed) etc. A lot of crazy stuff can be found about that

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N G
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sexist for breathing at a woman while HE'S asleep??! That's more bat crap crazy than the beard thing! Where did you find such a website? No. No, I actually dont want to know.

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Leo H
Community Member
3 years ago

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Things not to say to men? How about we stop using the sexist term " toxic masculinity " and acting like men are broken because they arent as emotional as women.

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A.M. Pierre
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The phrase "toxic masculinity" doesn't mean masculinity is toxic. Both femininity and masculinity have wonderful aspects that contribute to a well-rounded society. "Toxic masculinity" is only referring to a few specific traits that in our current culture are promoted as being masculine but are, in fact, harmful to men. For example, it's not saying men *have* to show their emotions or that they *have* to feel everything intensely. It's saying men shouldn't be made to feel that they've done something wrong or unmanly if they *choose* to show some emotion. A friend of mine's dad died, and he wouldn't let himself cry - not because he didn't feel like it, but because he thought people would think he wasn't manly. If he just didn't feel it, that's one thing - you feel what you feel. But for him to feel like he would be judged if he showed he had feelings... that's what can be harmful and "toxic."

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Anna McHugh
Community Member
3 years ago

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Things I try never to say to my bf: 1. Can you open this? (sprained wrists and shattered jars later - 'No') 2. Can you get that down for me? (After EVERYTHING on the same shelf comes down with it - 'Yes') 3. I'll drive. (His response: 'I'll park.') 4. Have you got the cold? ('It's nothing. If I'm not up in the morning, I might be dead.')

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Museo
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why can't you just be yourself? If you can't ask him for anything because of some ideology, it's hard to speak of a healthy relationship.

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