Women & Girls Share Experiences Of Being Shamed, And The Stories Are Heartbreaking
The Wall Of Shamed is a participatory installation and online platform in which women and girls are invited to share their experiences of being shamed.
Body shaming. Fat shaming. Slut shaming. Period shaming. Mother shaming. Food shaming. Gender shaming. Victim shaming. The list goes on…
Experiences can also be shared physically on the wall, which is on display in Melbourne, Australia at the Victorian College of the Arts Masters Graduate Exhibition.
You may like to share your experiences in a response to this post, or write it down on a piece of paper, photograph it and stick it on your Instagram or Facebook feed with the hashtag #wallofshamed.
Or if you would like your experience to remain private, just tell me about it in the form on the website and I will share your story anonymously on the wall for you.
I started the project because of my personal experiences of having been shamed. I’d been told I needed to go to Jenny Craig as a child and was teased as a teenager because my breasts developed early. These comments shaped who I am as a person, and I’m sure they had a lot to do with the eating disorders I experienced throughout my teens and early twenties.
I wanted to offer an opportunity for women and girls to share their experiences because as the saying goes ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’. I realize that it’s often hard to publicly acknowledge and share these experiences of shame so I placed the wall in a corner, so people could write privately. Women and girls may also write to me anonymously, and I will share their story on the wall or on the Instagram feed.
We know that women and girls are shamed throughout their lives for not living up to patriarchally prescribed ideals of ‘womanliness’.
The expectation is that women are thin, but not too thin. That their breasts are perky and don’t sag. That they don’t have cellulite, that their legs are long and their tummy flat. Menstruation is taboo in several religious orders and often considered dirty and impure. If a woman is seen to be too sexually active or dressing in a sexy way she will be shamed as a slut. The onset of motherhood can see women being shamed for all number of infections; the shaming women receive for their screaming toddler in the supermarket, for breastfeeding in public, or simply being a teen mum or a single mum are but a few ways women are shamed for not living up to the lofty heights of the perfect mother. Women and girls are shamed for their choices in dress; a girl who enjoys rough play and sports is labeled a tom-boy and if a woman chooses to have short hair and wear ‘unfeminine’ clothing she will be ostracized for not being ‘feminine’ enough. When women and girls reveal that they have been raped or sexually abused the first thing they’re asked is what they were wearing and how they were behaving.
Did someone say something to you that hurt you? Did you receive a ‘look’ that made you feel less than? Have you been degraded or shamed simply for being female? Were you teased because of what you look like, or something you said? Did someone physically or mentally abuse you?
Please feel welcome to share your stories, your pain, your suffering. You may use illustrations or words to express yourself on this wall. It is yours.
More info: Instagram | suzieblake.com
A wallpapered wall with a photo of a pregnant schoolgirl and a satchel filled with marker pens
Perhaps the most shamed person in society is the pregnant teenage girl
The artist, Suzie Blake, as a pregnant teenage schoolgirl
The satchel filled with marker pens, inviting women and girls to write up their experiences of being shamed on the wall
Fat
Stop Traffic
Borrow Her
Convenience
Keep Yourself Nice
They wrote about me
Frigid
Abuse
Self Critical
Wide Load
Fat
Suzie Boobies
7.5
Can’t Play Soccer
Lose Some Weight
Breastfeeding
Ballet
I Do Take Shit, Sometimes
78Kviews
Share on FacebookSome of these definitely go beyond shaming & are scary as shite. The one with the 8 yr old in particular.
Hey everyone! Please don't blame the "close minded men"! I was emotionally and verbally assaulted when I was a child by a fellow girl. Bottom line: everyone can be jerks and can deplete self confidence
That's so true! In my case the majority of bullies were girls. I grew up having mostly males as friends
Load More Replies...I went through a lot of shaming too. Being shy and heavier than the other girls (and later on adding glasses to the mix) people thought it was cool to make fun of me, and some were very cruel. With time you learn to grow a thicker skin and also become a good judge of character. But yeah, those things do leave marks, and some are very deep. There are ways to treat that (for me EFT is doing wonders, while many people also benefit from therapy and other things), but people usually just try to "be strong" and go on with life (and sometimes this really is the only option in the moment). To heal those scars first you have to admit to yourself that they are still there and hiding them won't make them disappear. Then try finding a way to approach the feeling, a way that works for you. There are many options out there (I found a lot of helpful tips just googling) and I'm sure one will help you with what you need. Just don't bury those within yourself, you are not alone and don't have to be
Late to the conversation but I wanted to support your mention of EFT! I've been using it for at least 14 years now and it's literally saved my life and helped me defuse hundreds of issues including the incest I experienced as a kid and the years and years of bullying in school. I highly recommend it for all kinds of problems. I also use Tapas Acupressure Technique (great for "global" issues or things you don't quite understand yet), EMDR and finally Reiki. Reiki is amazing by itself but combined with these other techniques it just makes everything easier, more gentle and less painful. I wish you all the healing!
Load More Replies...These are heartbreaking. I have 4 daughters and I am terrified of what they will have to go through in this society. If everyone could start raising their young boys with respect towards all women, that would be great.
How about we raise all kids with respect towards people?
Load More Replies...First of all, why would breastfeeding offend the grandmother? She should be at least empathetic, she obviously was a mother.
some older women are exactly the ones who bring the most hatred and spite to those who they don't agree with. Men aren't the only closed minded ones sadly.
Load More Replies...Some of these are horribles but others are very mild and i've heard them even directed to me (i'm a man). Also 7.5/10 is great! I was rated 4.5/10 XD
Hahaha, poor you. I feel like if it's lower than 5 it's better not to tell, unless the person thinks they're a 1 and it's some kind of compliment? :P
Load More Replies...Once I've got valentine card on which my classmate wrote: 'I like you but, you must lose weight'.
Lmao I love the confidence of some people, like you would lose weight for someone you probably don't even care about.
Load More Replies..."My boyfriend said I was fat on Saturday" - I sincerely hope he was single by Saturday as well.
I'm not sure if he said it in an insulting way or how some things are but I usually like to keep things straight. I mean of course there is no point in saying it since it's obvious, but if I was asked by someone fat if they were fat I'd definitely say it(wouldn't say it as a bad thing though). I think the opposite would be disrespectful.
Load More Replies...As a man i am disgusted by these, i wasn't perfect at school either but i wasn't nasty like some of these comments, f****n hell girls i don't think us boys / men really understand what you go through sometimes, its all playground banter haha yeah lets ruin this girls self esteem because she doesn't fit into our ridiculous unobtainable notion of what beauty is. Yeah it can go both ways but lets be honest, body image is much more of an issue for woman. Well ladies on behalf of sexist, ignorant, ridiculous, porn obsessed men everywhere......apologies for my half of teh species, there are plenty of nice ones (like me) nut yeah many, many f*****g a******s.
Things I’ve been told by “close ones” 1: don’t think we are friends, you flat-footed cun*! But you’re a great fukc! (My now ex boyfriend) 2: Mom: I never wanted you in the first place. Don’t think you’ll amount to anything!! I was 10. 3: you’re too flat chested. But we can be friends. 4: you’re not girlfriend material but I’m sure you’re OK for a weekend. Or two. He was married.
what kind of sick f**k would say that to a stranger? even worse a 8 year old child? IMG_7913e-..._880-1.jpg
I have grown up in a place where this happens a lot, I was especially abused a lot during high school, we wore uniforms and I guess guys have something for girls with high school skirts so I started just putting earphones on and look away. But even with all the exposure, someone saying this to an 8yo scared the hell out of me.
Load More Replies...I got cyber bullied by someone who I thought was my friend. I have a couple of mental disorders (not things like schizophrenia, little things) I have DPD (dependant personality disorder) deppresion and insomnia. The person I’m talking about started calling me a r****d and a s**t on skype. She told me that everyone hated me and that I have no friends. She bullied me to the point that I felt like committing suicide. She also physically bullied me at school and tried to brainwash everyone into being in her own little cult.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. What do you mean her.. own cult though? And I don't think the things you mentioned are little things, unless they're mild(schizophrenia can me mild too), they can be very serious, I hope you're doing fine!
Load More Replies...I was in detention with my friend and my teacher at the time told my friend and I that she shouldn't let me drag her down into the gutter with me... I was 9 years old.
Oh man, I feel ya. I had teachers and counselors say some awful things about me in front of other students. Thankfully I was strong enough to just laugh it off, but I know lots of kids aren't and I feel awful for those kids. I wish I could help them all understand that meanness is just projecting what you hate about yourself on someone else.
Load More Replies...When I was in high school in New Zealand, in the 1970's, I was constantly body-shamed by the other kids. I was told that I was so fat that I was not a human being and had no right to live. It went on every day, in class and out. They even shouted things at me across the road in the town. I am now 56 and I have suffered with depression every day of my life since those teenage years. I have come close to suicide several times. Even though I am married and my husband loves me as I am, it is still there in the back of my mind. I wish I could let those people know the damage they did. But would they even remember? Would they care? Probably not.
Some do, especially those who regret it, and some who sat silently by and did nothing. You did nothing to deserve that cruelty. I'm glad you shared your story here. Is there a support group in your area? On line? Big hug to you from the other side of the world.
Load More Replies...I've been told I'd be really hot if I lost 5 more kilos (this was while at my thinnest and battling an eating disorder). I was told that I was so much prettier when I wasn't so fat (by my grandma). I was told that I would not find a swimsuit in my size while looking me up and down (shop assistant in Malta). I was told by our receptionist that my husband just says he loves me, but could not possibly really love me, because of my size (she has an obvious eating disorder). A man parked next to me the other day, he looked back and I thought he was checking that he hadn't parked too close to my car, I let him pass and said not to worry, there is more than enough space and he responded by saying he was just checking to see if there was enough space for me to walk through as I was SO big (gestured with his arms) - this was on my way home from gym, in my workout clothes. I am US size 12.
I had to google size 12 because I was curious after these comments, what is wrong with these people? I mean the "losing 5kg" I heard few times too, and grandmas can be weird old ladies sometimes but the the parking dude and the receptionist? wow.
Load More Replies...Thought: While acknowledging the problem is important, it's more important to learn HOW to deal with it in a positive, self-respecting, empowered way. Because right now, it's like "this is what a drowning person looks like", vs "this is how to stop yourself from drowning"..... see what I mean?
Please write that in a giant font and make sure the whole victimized world sees it. Teach a man to fish.....
Load More Replies...I experienced a trans-formative amount of s**t shaming in my teen years. I was always very confident and unapologetic about my sexual appetite, and refused to accept double standards. I remember when I lost that confidence. I had a huge crush on a boy my Jr. year. We hung out w/ mutual friends, we skipped school to smoke & hang out. One day we rode the bus to his house and while making out he started pressuring me to perform oral sex on him, and would not take no for an answer. I wanted him to like me and to be his girlfriend so I agreed. Stupid me for assuming that meant we would then be together. He told me he wasn't ready for a girlfriend afterward. Hurt and looking for something more, I easily found another handsome and sweet boy that struck my fancy to date. It wasn't long before the rumors started that I was the biggest s**t he'd ever met, and all sorts of nasty things. It got worse after that.
Ugh, that's awful. Teenagers are often quite mean, because they have absolutely no frame of reference by which to judge others beliefs or behaviors. Thank god we're both adults now and have our own frame of reference through which we can brush other people's BS.
Load More Replies...I'm big woman and have to wear uniform everyday for work. Instead of gave me proper size of uniform, HR told me to lose some weight when I'm perfectly healthy with that weight
I'm sorry your HR person told you to lose weight?? That needs to be taken to someone higher up and if you can't go to someone in your company you need to make that s**t public. Nothing pisses me off more than the people who are supposed to be there to protect their employees being the ones who are out of line.. I really really hope you take this as far as you can because F**K THEM
Load More Replies...I got told by my father (when I was pregnant) that he hopes my baby dies before I gave birth. I heard from my mother (another time when I was a teenager) that if she had married her soldier boyfriend that I would be beautiful. Around the very same time she tried to marry me off at 16 to a man who she thought was hot. He directly told me he wanted to make me go strip at a strip club then pimp me out after.
The abuse one is disgusting. Why would you say that? ESPECIALLY TO AN EIGHT YEAR OLD!!!!!
"I do TALK s**t, sometimes" not TAKE s**t...sheesh...there's a BIG difference.
OH ONE MORE THING! IF THESE PEOPLE WHO ARE SUPPOSE TO BE ADULTS CAN NOT KERP TGERE HATEFUL COMMENTS TO THEMSELVES THEY CAN BITE ME TOO!
YOU KNOW WHAT PEOPLE CAN BITE ME IF THEY CAN NOT ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM FAT AND ALL!
I could fill up BOTH sides of this wall myself. (Mom, step father, school mates, boys, pedophiles, first husband, etc, etc)
I weighed 135 lbs. Rode my bike to work and home EVERY day, rowed twice a week and went to the gym 3 or 4 times a week. The kid's dad (I don't refer to him as my ex because I've tried to break EVERY connection from him) still called me fat! Such a pig! I was in the best shape of my life but it STILL wasn't good enough. He even told me I should get a boob job! I'm a double D already. What a disgusting person he was. He's completely alone now.
You were probably too good for him and he knew it so he needed to create a power dynamic to make you feel like you were lucky to have him. Lots of weak S.O.B's do it.
Load More Replies...My dad told me that I look anorexic and that I don't eat enough; I actually eat a lot but I'm just unable to gain weight. He also said that I look prettier without my glasses. Thanks for your opinion that no one asked for, Dad..and who gives a c**p whether I look pretty or not to you?
Quite the paradox that in such an individualistic society, people care so much about the way they're looked at. I guess that's what you get with all this media and image culture, and stupid c**p like instagram, facebook etc. Seriously, apart from the sex offender and the 8yo, none of those are anywhere near "heartbreaking". Everyone has such stories (yeah, even boys...), it just doesn't matter the same way to everyone; some toughen up and discard it, others wallow in and whine about it on the internet.
I struggled in highschool alot and I had a teacher tell me that I was lucky I was pretty cause the only job I would ever get was dancing on a pole. I ran out of the class bawling and that teacher was fired
Aw I'm glad to hear she was fired. I had my share of weird teachers, one that told me I should keep skipping while going down stairs, another one that asked me about my eye colour during a quiz when I was 12, looking at me very weirdly. There was a female teacher that referred to me as "the girl who either wears short skirts or tight pants" while wearing a mini-skirt herself..
Load More Replies...One of my examples is I was an early developer in boobs and when I was 10 we had to change for pe in a classroom with a big window that younger kids would walk past to get to the computer room My point is though one day I was changing and I had a bra on and this girl looked at me and said I quote "It's not cool to wear a bra you know" I dated an older guy once my first boyfriend I was 14 he was 16 he had experience of a sexual nature and of relationships (he had never had sex) I was naieve and in love he suggested things to me which looking back aren't right but I agreed because I didn't understand that wasn't how a relationship should have been and because I thought that was love eventually I grew more self aware and tried to bring it up with him when I was 15 and had dated 2 other guys by then and watched enough TV ect to know better but he said "You agreed to this you knew what was happening you could have said no" even to this day I question if that counts as abuse... Im scarred n
To clarify we didn't have sex but we did other things
Load More Replies...This is a thing that happens often. I remember as a kid, I was heavy and teased for that, I lost the weight by the time I was 13 , only to in return be teased about my small breasts. I also had male friends who were teased for various things too, things like being too tall, or being smart etc etc. the bottom line is, Humans are garbage creatures to eachother.
My mom wore a D cup in high school - I wore a AA. Made it up to an A after the first baby. I was told how flat chested I was for the rest of my life. I'm 45+ and we are at Nordstrom's looking for a fancy slip for mom to wear to a wedding. She says in front of the sales lady, "Aren't you as flat chested as you ever were?" That and "You would be so pretty if you just lost 5 pounds." Thanks, mom, thanks for the ever lasting body shame even 10 years after you died.
I mean I don't know what else your mom said, but it sounds innocent enough with just these. My mom tells me to lose weight all the time(I'm 60kg) and keeps mentioning my huge tits in a joking way(idk how your mom talks about your flat chest) but I never thought about being offended by it. Plus flat chests are sexy!
Load More Replies...My ex husband told me on a regular basis to stop being a "crazy cow", my abusive ex told me "did you expect me to be attracted to you after you gained weight", weight i gained as a result of drinking to numb the pain of the abuse. The other abusive one made fun of me for not being able to run as fast or much as him, he was a six foot tall hockey player, I'm 5"6 weight lifter. I was 13 when a boy told me I was too fat for him. I was a fit tennis player at the time.
There's nothing wrong with you--they are sick, sad, hateful men.
Load More Replies...You have serious unrelated self-esteem issues if being called "7.5 out of 10" makes you feel 'shamed' 7.5 out of 10 is pretty damn good in the attractiveness world. I see myself as a solid 6, which still makes me better looking than (theoretically) 6/10 humans! (excluding circus folk, they have their own scale).
It can be interpreted as shame if you didn't ask for that persons opinion or if it comes from a stranger
Load More Replies...While we are at it what does "Keep yourself nice" mean?
Load More Replies...Quite sad to read this important and interesting piece and then scroll down and see an advert for losing inches from your body to make you more attractive. All this stuff has to be taught to children as soon as they can understand, love yourself and judge others. Or sure, judge away, but don't verbalise it.
Why can't men and trans people write on this, everyone is a person!?
Because this wall is SPECIFICALLY for women to share their experiences as women.
Load More Replies...Everyone has had their feelings hurt or been hurt in other ways. That's life. Stop playing victim and take charge in your life. If it's not a healthy relationship or place, then leave.
I agree. But children are shaped by other factors than their parents. Society, media, the people around them. It takes a village to raise a child :)
Load More Replies...God, that was hard on my eyes. Drugs are bad mmkay?
Load More Replies...are you literally seven or what is going on here?
Load More Replies...Women are not numbers on a scale, they are people. We are constantly rated on our appearance since a young age. This is intrinsically problematic.
Load More Replies.....when you miss the point so completely, your comment could be on this wall
Load More Replies...Some of these definitely go beyond shaming & are scary as shite. The one with the 8 yr old in particular.
Hey everyone! Please don't blame the "close minded men"! I was emotionally and verbally assaulted when I was a child by a fellow girl. Bottom line: everyone can be jerks and can deplete self confidence
That's so true! In my case the majority of bullies were girls. I grew up having mostly males as friends
Load More Replies...I went through a lot of shaming too. Being shy and heavier than the other girls (and later on adding glasses to the mix) people thought it was cool to make fun of me, and some were very cruel. With time you learn to grow a thicker skin and also become a good judge of character. But yeah, those things do leave marks, and some are very deep. There are ways to treat that (for me EFT is doing wonders, while many people also benefit from therapy and other things), but people usually just try to "be strong" and go on with life (and sometimes this really is the only option in the moment). To heal those scars first you have to admit to yourself that they are still there and hiding them won't make them disappear. Then try finding a way to approach the feeling, a way that works for you. There are many options out there (I found a lot of helpful tips just googling) and I'm sure one will help you with what you need. Just don't bury those within yourself, you are not alone and don't have to be
Late to the conversation but I wanted to support your mention of EFT! I've been using it for at least 14 years now and it's literally saved my life and helped me defuse hundreds of issues including the incest I experienced as a kid and the years and years of bullying in school. I highly recommend it for all kinds of problems. I also use Tapas Acupressure Technique (great for "global" issues or things you don't quite understand yet), EMDR and finally Reiki. Reiki is amazing by itself but combined with these other techniques it just makes everything easier, more gentle and less painful. I wish you all the healing!
Load More Replies...These are heartbreaking. I have 4 daughters and I am terrified of what they will have to go through in this society. If everyone could start raising their young boys with respect towards all women, that would be great.
How about we raise all kids with respect towards people?
Load More Replies...First of all, why would breastfeeding offend the grandmother? She should be at least empathetic, she obviously was a mother.
some older women are exactly the ones who bring the most hatred and spite to those who they don't agree with. Men aren't the only closed minded ones sadly.
Load More Replies...Some of these are horribles but others are very mild and i've heard them even directed to me (i'm a man). Also 7.5/10 is great! I was rated 4.5/10 XD
Hahaha, poor you. I feel like if it's lower than 5 it's better not to tell, unless the person thinks they're a 1 and it's some kind of compliment? :P
Load More Replies...Once I've got valentine card on which my classmate wrote: 'I like you but, you must lose weight'.
Lmao I love the confidence of some people, like you would lose weight for someone you probably don't even care about.
Load More Replies..."My boyfriend said I was fat on Saturday" - I sincerely hope he was single by Saturday as well.
I'm not sure if he said it in an insulting way or how some things are but I usually like to keep things straight. I mean of course there is no point in saying it since it's obvious, but if I was asked by someone fat if they were fat I'd definitely say it(wouldn't say it as a bad thing though). I think the opposite would be disrespectful.
Load More Replies...As a man i am disgusted by these, i wasn't perfect at school either but i wasn't nasty like some of these comments, f****n hell girls i don't think us boys / men really understand what you go through sometimes, its all playground banter haha yeah lets ruin this girls self esteem because she doesn't fit into our ridiculous unobtainable notion of what beauty is. Yeah it can go both ways but lets be honest, body image is much more of an issue for woman. Well ladies on behalf of sexist, ignorant, ridiculous, porn obsessed men everywhere......apologies for my half of teh species, there are plenty of nice ones (like me) nut yeah many, many f*****g a******s.
Things I’ve been told by “close ones” 1: don’t think we are friends, you flat-footed cun*! But you’re a great fukc! (My now ex boyfriend) 2: Mom: I never wanted you in the first place. Don’t think you’ll amount to anything!! I was 10. 3: you’re too flat chested. But we can be friends. 4: you’re not girlfriend material but I’m sure you’re OK for a weekend. Or two. He was married.
what kind of sick f**k would say that to a stranger? even worse a 8 year old child? IMG_7913e-..._880-1.jpg
I have grown up in a place where this happens a lot, I was especially abused a lot during high school, we wore uniforms and I guess guys have something for girls with high school skirts so I started just putting earphones on and look away. But even with all the exposure, someone saying this to an 8yo scared the hell out of me.
Load More Replies...I got cyber bullied by someone who I thought was my friend. I have a couple of mental disorders (not things like schizophrenia, little things) I have DPD (dependant personality disorder) deppresion and insomnia. The person I’m talking about started calling me a r****d and a s**t on skype. She told me that everyone hated me and that I have no friends. She bullied me to the point that I felt like committing suicide. She also physically bullied me at school and tried to brainwash everyone into being in her own little cult.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. What do you mean her.. own cult though? And I don't think the things you mentioned are little things, unless they're mild(schizophrenia can me mild too), they can be very serious, I hope you're doing fine!
Load More Replies...I was in detention with my friend and my teacher at the time told my friend and I that she shouldn't let me drag her down into the gutter with me... I was 9 years old.
Oh man, I feel ya. I had teachers and counselors say some awful things about me in front of other students. Thankfully I was strong enough to just laugh it off, but I know lots of kids aren't and I feel awful for those kids. I wish I could help them all understand that meanness is just projecting what you hate about yourself on someone else.
Load More Replies...When I was in high school in New Zealand, in the 1970's, I was constantly body-shamed by the other kids. I was told that I was so fat that I was not a human being and had no right to live. It went on every day, in class and out. They even shouted things at me across the road in the town. I am now 56 and I have suffered with depression every day of my life since those teenage years. I have come close to suicide several times. Even though I am married and my husband loves me as I am, it is still there in the back of my mind. I wish I could let those people know the damage they did. But would they even remember? Would they care? Probably not.
Some do, especially those who regret it, and some who sat silently by and did nothing. You did nothing to deserve that cruelty. I'm glad you shared your story here. Is there a support group in your area? On line? Big hug to you from the other side of the world.
Load More Replies...I've been told I'd be really hot if I lost 5 more kilos (this was while at my thinnest and battling an eating disorder). I was told that I was so much prettier when I wasn't so fat (by my grandma). I was told that I would not find a swimsuit in my size while looking me up and down (shop assistant in Malta). I was told by our receptionist that my husband just says he loves me, but could not possibly really love me, because of my size (she has an obvious eating disorder). A man parked next to me the other day, he looked back and I thought he was checking that he hadn't parked too close to my car, I let him pass and said not to worry, there is more than enough space and he responded by saying he was just checking to see if there was enough space for me to walk through as I was SO big (gestured with his arms) - this was on my way home from gym, in my workout clothes. I am US size 12.
I had to google size 12 because I was curious after these comments, what is wrong with these people? I mean the "losing 5kg" I heard few times too, and grandmas can be weird old ladies sometimes but the the parking dude and the receptionist? wow.
Load More Replies...Thought: While acknowledging the problem is important, it's more important to learn HOW to deal with it in a positive, self-respecting, empowered way. Because right now, it's like "this is what a drowning person looks like", vs "this is how to stop yourself from drowning"..... see what I mean?
Please write that in a giant font and make sure the whole victimized world sees it. Teach a man to fish.....
Load More Replies...I experienced a trans-formative amount of s**t shaming in my teen years. I was always very confident and unapologetic about my sexual appetite, and refused to accept double standards. I remember when I lost that confidence. I had a huge crush on a boy my Jr. year. We hung out w/ mutual friends, we skipped school to smoke & hang out. One day we rode the bus to his house and while making out he started pressuring me to perform oral sex on him, and would not take no for an answer. I wanted him to like me and to be his girlfriend so I agreed. Stupid me for assuming that meant we would then be together. He told me he wasn't ready for a girlfriend afterward. Hurt and looking for something more, I easily found another handsome and sweet boy that struck my fancy to date. It wasn't long before the rumors started that I was the biggest s**t he'd ever met, and all sorts of nasty things. It got worse after that.
Ugh, that's awful. Teenagers are often quite mean, because they have absolutely no frame of reference by which to judge others beliefs or behaviors. Thank god we're both adults now and have our own frame of reference through which we can brush other people's BS.
Load More Replies...I'm big woman and have to wear uniform everyday for work. Instead of gave me proper size of uniform, HR told me to lose some weight when I'm perfectly healthy with that weight
I'm sorry your HR person told you to lose weight?? That needs to be taken to someone higher up and if you can't go to someone in your company you need to make that s**t public. Nothing pisses me off more than the people who are supposed to be there to protect their employees being the ones who are out of line.. I really really hope you take this as far as you can because F**K THEM
Load More Replies...I got told by my father (when I was pregnant) that he hopes my baby dies before I gave birth. I heard from my mother (another time when I was a teenager) that if she had married her soldier boyfriend that I would be beautiful. Around the very same time she tried to marry me off at 16 to a man who she thought was hot. He directly told me he wanted to make me go strip at a strip club then pimp me out after.
The abuse one is disgusting. Why would you say that? ESPECIALLY TO AN EIGHT YEAR OLD!!!!!
"I do TALK s**t, sometimes" not TAKE s**t...sheesh...there's a BIG difference.
OH ONE MORE THING! IF THESE PEOPLE WHO ARE SUPPOSE TO BE ADULTS CAN NOT KERP TGERE HATEFUL COMMENTS TO THEMSELVES THEY CAN BITE ME TOO!
YOU KNOW WHAT PEOPLE CAN BITE ME IF THEY CAN NOT ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM FAT AND ALL!
I could fill up BOTH sides of this wall myself. (Mom, step father, school mates, boys, pedophiles, first husband, etc, etc)
I weighed 135 lbs. Rode my bike to work and home EVERY day, rowed twice a week and went to the gym 3 or 4 times a week. The kid's dad (I don't refer to him as my ex because I've tried to break EVERY connection from him) still called me fat! Such a pig! I was in the best shape of my life but it STILL wasn't good enough. He even told me I should get a boob job! I'm a double D already. What a disgusting person he was. He's completely alone now.
You were probably too good for him and he knew it so he needed to create a power dynamic to make you feel like you were lucky to have him. Lots of weak S.O.B's do it.
Load More Replies...My dad told me that I look anorexic and that I don't eat enough; I actually eat a lot but I'm just unable to gain weight. He also said that I look prettier without my glasses. Thanks for your opinion that no one asked for, Dad..and who gives a c**p whether I look pretty or not to you?
Quite the paradox that in such an individualistic society, people care so much about the way they're looked at. I guess that's what you get with all this media and image culture, and stupid c**p like instagram, facebook etc. Seriously, apart from the sex offender and the 8yo, none of those are anywhere near "heartbreaking". Everyone has such stories (yeah, even boys...), it just doesn't matter the same way to everyone; some toughen up and discard it, others wallow in and whine about it on the internet.
I struggled in highschool alot and I had a teacher tell me that I was lucky I was pretty cause the only job I would ever get was dancing on a pole. I ran out of the class bawling and that teacher was fired
Aw I'm glad to hear she was fired. I had my share of weird teachers, one that told me I should keep skipping while going down stairs, another one that asked me about my eye colour during a quiz when I was 12, looking at me very weirdly. There was a female teacher that referred to me as "the girl who either wears short skirts or tight pants" while wearing a mini-skirt herself..
Load More Replies...One of my examples is I was an early developer in boobs and when I was 10 we had to change for pe in a classroom with a big window that younger kids would walk past to get to the computer room My point is though one day I was changing and I had a bra on and this girl looked at me and said I quote "It's not cool to wear a bra you know" I dated an older guy once my first boyfriend I was 14 he was 16 he had experience of a sexual nature and of relationships (he had never had sex) I was naieve and in love he suggested things to me which looking back aren't right but I agreed because I didn't understand that wasn't how a relationship should have been and because I thought that was love eventually I grew more self aware and tried to bring it up with him when I was 15 and had dated 2 other guys by then and watched enough TV ect to know better but he said "You agreed to this you knew what was happening you could have said no" even to this day I question if that counts as abuse... Im scarred n
To clarify we didn't have sex but we did other things
Load More Replies...This is a thing that happens often. I remember as a kid, I was heavy and teased for that, I lost the weight by the time I was 13 , only to in return be teased about my small breasts. I also had male friends who were teased for various things too, things like being too tall, or being smart etc etc. the bottom line is, Humans are garbage creatures to eachother.
My mom wore a D cup in high school - I wore a AA. Made it up to an A after the first baby. I was told how flat chested I was for the rest of my life. I'm 45+ and we are at Nordstrom's looking for a fancy slip for mom to wear to a wedding. She says in front of the sales lady, "Aren't you as flat chested as you ever were?" That and "You would be so pretty if you just lost 5 pounds." Thanks, mom, thanks for the ever lasting body shame even 10 years after you died.
I mean I don't know what else your mom said, but it sounds innocent enough with just these. My mom tells me to lose weight all the time(I'm 60kg) and keeps mentioning my huge tits in a joking way(idk how your mom talks about your flat chest) but I never thought about being offended by it. Plus flat chests are sexy!
Load More Replies...My ex husband told me on a regular basis to stop being a "crazy cow", my abusive ex told me "did you expect me to be attracted to you after you gained weight", weight i gained as a result of drinking to numb the pain of the abuse. The other abusive one made fun of me for not being able to run as fast or much as him, he was a six foot tall hockey player, I'm 5"6 weight lifter. I was 13 when a boy told me I was too fat for him. I was a fit tennis player at the time.
There's nothing wrong with you--they are sick, sad, hateful men.
Load More Replies...You have serious unrelated self-esteem issues if being called "7.5 out of 10" makes you feel 'shamed' 7.5 out of 10 is pretty damn good in the attractiveness world. I see myself as a solid 6, which still makes me better looking than (theoretically) 6/10 humans! (excluding circus folk, they have their own scale).
It can be interpreted as shame if you didn't ask for that persons opinion or if it comes from a stranger
Load More Replies...While we are at it what does "Keep yourself nice" mean?
Load More Replies...Quite sad to read this important and interesting piece and then scroll down and see an advert for losing inches from your body to make you more attractive. All this stuff has to be taught to children as soon as they can understand, love yourself and judge others. Or sure, judge away, but don't verbalise it.
Why can't men and trans people write on this, everyone is a person!?
Because this wall is SPECIFICALLY for women to share their experiences as women.
Load More Replies...Everyone has had their feelings hurt or been hurt in other ways. That's life. Stop playing victim and take charge in your life. If it's not a healthy relationship or place, then leave.
I agree. But children are shaped by other factors than their parents. Society, media, the people around them. It takes a village to raise a child :)
Load More Replies...God, that was hard on my eyes. Drugs are bad mmkay?
Load More Replies...are you literally seven or what is going on here?
Load More Replies...Women are not numbers on a scale, they are people. We are constantly rated on our appearance since a young age. This is intrinsically problematic.
Load More Replies.....when you miss the point so completely, your comment could be on this wall
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