Women & Girls Share Experiences Of Being Shamed, And The Stories Are Heartbreaking
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The Wall Of Shamed is a participatory installation and online platform in which women and girls are invited to share their experiences of being shamed.
Body shaming. Fat shaming. Slut shaming. Period shaming. Mother shaming. Food shaming. Gender shaming. Victim shaming. The list goes on…
Experiences can also be shared physically on the wall, which is on display in Melbourne, Australia at the Victorian College of the Arts Masters Graduate Exhibition.
You may like to share your experiences in a response to this post, or write it down on a piece of paper, photograph it and stick it on your Instagram or Facebook feed with the hashtag #wallofshamed.
Or if you would like your experience to remain private, just tell me about it in the form on the website and I will share your story anonymously on the wall for you.
I started the project because of my personal experiences of having been shamed. I’d been told I needed to go to Jenny Craig as a child and was teased as a teenager because my breasts developed early. These comments shaped who I am as a person, and I’m sure they had a lot to do with the eating disorders I experienced throughout my teens and early twenties.
I wanted to offer an opportunity for women and girls to share their experiences because as the saying goes ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’. I realize that it’s often hard to publicly acknowledge and share these experiences of shame so I placed the wall in a corner, so people could write privately. Women and girls may also write to me anonymously, and I will share their story on the wall or on the Instagram feed.
We know that women and girls are shamed throughout their lives for not living up to patriarchally prescribed ideals of ‘womanliness’.
The expectation is that women are thin, but not too thin. That their breasts are perky and don’t sag. That they don’t have cellulite, that their legs are long and their tummy flat. Menstruation is taboo in several religious orders and often considered dirty and impure. If a woman is seen to be too sexually active or dressing in a sexy way she will be shamed as a slut. The onset of motherhood can see women being shamed for all number of infections; the shaming women receive for their screaming toddler in the supermarket, for breastfeeding in public, or simply being a teen mum or a single mum are but a few ways women are shamed for not living up to the lofty heights of the perfect mother. Women and girls are shamed for their choices in dress; a girl who enjoys rough play and sports is labeled a tom-boy and if a woman chooses to have short hair and wear ‘unfeminine’ clothing she will be ostracized for not being ‘feminine’ enough. When women and girls reveal that they have been raped or sexually abused the first thing they’re asked is what they were wearing and how they were behaving.
Did someone say something to you that hurt you? Did you receive a ‘look’ that made you feel less than? Have you been degraded or shamed simply for being female? Were you teased because of what you look like, or something you said? Did someone physically or mentally abuse you?
Please feel welcome to share your stories, your pain, your suffering. You may use illustrations or words to express yourself on this wall. It is yours.
More info: Instagram | suzieblake.com
A wallpapered wall with a photo of a pregnant schoolgirl and a satchel filled with marker pens
Perhaps the most shamed person in society is the pregnant teenage girl
The artist, Suzie Blake, as a pregnant teenage schoolgirl
The satchel filled with marker pens, inviting women and girls to write up their experiences of being shamed on the wall
Fat
Stop Traffic
Borrow Her
Convenience
Keep Yourself Nice
They wrote about me
Frigid
Abuse
Self Critical
Wide Load
Fat
Suzie Boobies
7.5
Can’t Play Soccer
Lose Some Weight
Breastfeeding
Ballet
I Do Take Shit, Sometimes
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Some of these definitely go beyond shaming & are scary as shite. The one with the 8 yr old in particular.
Forget scary it's criminal.
Can I skin that 40 yr old alive? I m having a bad day.
I'll hold him while one of y'all castrates the piece of shit
Me three?
I'll join you.
Wow! Yes , that one I read so many times because I could barely believe it...
That was really disturbing.
Hey everyone! Please don't blame the "close minded men"! I was emotionally and verbally assaulted when I was a child by a fellow girl. Bottom line: everyone can be jerks and can deplete self confidence
That's so true! In my case the majority of bullies were girls. I grew up having mostly males as friends
At age 26 my 'friend', university mate and also a young woman said 'If your ex-boyfriend hadn't helped you get that fancy job right after university, you would be just a cashier'. We're not friends anymore and guess we never were...
You're right but I don't think the purpose of this wall was to blame men, some of the shaming here were also done by women. However, I would have liked this wall much better if she let both men and women write on it.
I was thinking that as well. Boys too go through a lot of shaming and traumas, and they are as victims as girls are. It's even worse sometimes because they are expected to be strong and all that shit. For example, when men are raped by women (and that really does happen more than we'd imagine) and try to report it, they can be very ridiculed by authorities and even friends.. So many decide to keep it for themselves.. It's not the gender that determines who is the victim or the perpetrator, so all victims should feel safe to open up about things like that without fear of being judged because of their gender..
Furthermore, many of those stupid little b*tches do that to appeal to the bully guys.
Or they are jelous and hate themselves and their own lives
too late. Feminism = hate speech by now. You cant reverse what was spoken. Sincerelly, "big bad male".
I've been bullied by more females than males.
I went through a lot of shaming too. Being shy and heavier than the other girls (and later on adding glasses to the mix) people thought it was cool to make fun of me, and some were very cruel. With time you learn to grow a thicker skin and also become a good judge of character. But yeah, those things do leave marks, and some are very deep. There are ways to treat that (for me EFT is doing wonders, while many people also benefit from therapy and other things), but people usually just try to "be strong" and go on with life (and sometimes this really is the only option in the moment). To heal those scars first you have to admit to yourself that they are still there and hiding them won't make them disappear. Then try finding a way to approach the feeling, a way that works for you. There are many options out there (I found a lot of helpful tips just googling) and I'm sure one will help you with what you need. Just don't bury those within yourself, you are not alone and don't have to be
Late to the conversation but I wanted to support your mention of EFT! I've been using it for at least 14 years now and it's literally saved my life and helped me defuse hundreds of issues including the incest I experienced as a kid and the years and years of bullying in school. I highly recommend it for all kinds of problems. I also use Tapas Acupressure Technique (great for "global" issues or things you don't quite understand yet), EMDR and finally Reiki. Reiki is amazing by itself but combined with these other techniques it just makes everything easier, more gentle and less painful. I wish you all the healing!
Obrigada, Chocolate Quente e Biscoitos. I had never heard about EFT before and started looking up for information. I'm going through a very difficult moment and think it might be an additional source of comfort.
Some of these definitely go beyond shaming & are scary as shite. The one with the 8 yr old in particular.
Forget scary it's criminal.
Can I skin that 40 yr old alive? I m having a bad day.
I'll hold him while one of y'all castrates the piece of shit
Me three?
I'll join you.
Wow! Yes , that one I read so many times because I could barely believe it...
That was really disturbing.
Hey everyone! Please don't blame the "close minded men"! I was emotionally and verbally assaulted when I was a child by a fellow girl. Bottom line: everyone can be jerks and can deplete self confidence
That's so true! In my case the majority of bullies were girls. I grew up having mostly males as friends
At age 26 my 'friend', university mate and also a young woman said 'If your ex-boyfriend hadn't helped you get that fancy job right after university, you would be just a cashier'. We're not friends anymore and guess we never were...
You're right but I don't think the purpose of this wall was to blame men, some of the shaming here were also done by women. However, I would have liked this wall much better if she let both men and women write on it.
I was thinking that as well. Boys too go through a lot of shaming and traumas, and they are as victims as girls are. It's even worse sometimes because they are expected to be strong and all that shit. For example, when men are raped by women (and that really does happen more than we'd imagine) and try to report it, they can be very ridiculed by authorities and even friends.. So many decide to keep it for themselves.. It's not the gender that determines who is the victim or the perpetrator, so all victims should feel safe to open up about things like that without fear of being judged because of their gender..
Furthermore, many of those stupid little b*tches do that to appeal to the bully guys.
Or they are jelous and hate themselves and their own lives
too late. Feminism = hate speech by now. You cant reverse what was spoken. Sincerelly, "big bad male".
I've been bullied by more females than males.
I went through a lot of shaming too. Being shy and heavier than the other girls (and later on adding glasses to the mix) people thought it was cool to make fun of me, and some were very cruel. With time you learn to grow a thicker skin and also become a good judge of character. But yeah, those things do leave marks, and some are very deep. There are ways to treat that (for me EFT is doing wonders, while many people also benefit from therapy and other things), but people usually just try to "be strong" and go on with life (and sometimes this really is the only option in the moment). To heal those scars first you have to admit to yourself that they are still there and hiding them won't make them disappear. Then try finding a way to approach the feeling, a way that works for you. There are many options out there (I found a lot of helpful tips just googling) and I'm sure one will help you with what you need. Just don't bury those within yourself, you are not alone and don't have to be
Late to the conversation but I wanted to support your mention of EFT! I've been using it for at least 14 years now and it's literally saved my life and helped me defuse hundreds of issues including the incest I experienced as a kid and the years and years of bullying in school. I highly recommend it for all kinds of problems. I also use Tapas Acupressure Technique (great for "global" issues or things you don't quite understand yet), EMDR and finally Reiki. Reiki is amazing by itself but combined with these other techniques it just makes everything easier, more gentle and less painful. I wish you all the healing!
Obrigada, Chocolate Quente e Biscoitos. I had never heard about EFT before and started looking up for information. I'm going through a very difficult moment and think it might be an additional source of comfort.